Junk Foodie

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    for m.p. tous en moderation

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    Text and photos copyright 2010 by Emilie Baltz. Al l r ights reserved.

    This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in anyform without permission from the publisher; exceptions are

    made for br ie f excerpts used in publ i shed reviews.

    Publ ished by Adams Media, a div is ion of F+W Media, Inc .57 Li t t le f ie ld St ree t , Avon, MA 02322. U.S.A.

    www.adamsmedia.com

    ISBN-10: 1-4405-0641-8ISBN-13: 978-1-4405-0641-3

    eISBN 10: 1-4405-1089-XeISBN 13: 978-1-4405-1089-2

    Pr in ted in the Uni ted Sta tes of Amer ica .10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

    Library of Congress Cata log ing- in-Publica t ion Datais available from the publisher.

    This publ ica t ion i s des igned to provide accura te and author i ta t ive informat ion wi th regard to thesubjec t mat ter covered . I t i s so ld wi th the unders tanding tha t the publ i sher i s not engaged in

    rendering legal , accounting, or other professional advice. If legal advice or other expertass is tance i s requi red , the serv ices of a competent profess ional person should be sought .

    From a Declarat ion of Principles jointly adopted by a Committee of the American Bar Associat ion and a Committee of Publ ishers and Associa t ions

    Many of the des ignat ions used by manufac turers and se l le rs to d is t inguish the i r product a re c la imedas trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and Adams Media was aware of a

    t rademark c la im, the des ignat ions have been pr in ted wi th in i t ia l capi ta l le t te rs .

    This book is avai lable at quanti ty discounts for bulk purchases.For information, please cal l 1-800-289-0963.

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    1 INTRODUCTION Guilty pleasures

    3 EQUIPMENT & TECHNIQUES What it takes to be a Junk Foodie

    19 PETIT BREAKFASTS Kickstartin sugar highs

    Fluffy Grits with Caramel Crumble Pop-Tart Brunch Strudel Triple Berry Compote Parfait Cheese Scone Aztec Coffee Cake Banana Brown Sugar Churro

    35 LES LUNCHES Yup. You can have your cake and eat it (for lunch) too

    Waldorf Salad Tropicale Welsh Rarebit Corn Pop Pancakes with Satay Dipping Sauce

    contents

    Jelly Belly Salteas French Onion Soup Tom Khaa Ramen Cheddar Relish Ploughman Crispy Potato Plantain Torta Balinese Spring Roll Suzette Sweet n Salty Tea Sandwiches

    61 GRANDS DINNERS Decadence does come in a Dorito

    Potato Dauphinoise Three Ways Malaysian Pork Belly Pot Pie

    Homemade Maf Veggie Burger Gnocchi la Parisienne Terrine Normande Roti de Porc Algerien avec Fruits Garnis Cheddar Feuillet with Green Apple Relish White Pizza with Potatoes and Anise Caviar Chilean Frito Corn Chowder Three Cheese Chilequiles

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    89 LES DESSERTS Lil bites that will leave em wanting more

    Mocha Nougat Fondant Twinkie Napoleon

    Truffled Berry Praline Purses Moelleux au Chocolat Ho Ho Buche de Nol Banana Praline Paris Brest Very Cherry Berry Jelly Belly Clafoutis Circus Peanut Mound-arons Chocolate Orange Crme Brule Croquemboche lAmericaine

    117 LES AMUSES BOUCHES Mini morsels that pack a punch

    Cheddar-Dusted Popcorn Strawberry Blinis Caramelized BBQ Balls Tartlette lOnion Cheesestraws

    Spicy Sasparilla Marinated Pork Bites Lebanese Birds Nest Bouche Mol Crunch Fromage Fondant Cube Crunchy Whole Grain Choco-pops

    141 LES COCKTAILS Liquid libations

    Old-Fashioned Splash Black Russian Twist Hi Ho Refresher Wildberry Taiwanese Bubble Tea Spritzer

    Sangria Smasharita

    153 RESOURCES Addicted? Heres where to stock up

    164 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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    This book could not have been made tasty without the support and guidanceof a few select individuals: Wendy Simard, who thought this idea had moreto it than just junk; Mimi, Julia, Arthur, and all the people who have livedwith the crates of shelf stable food for months; Kate, who encouraged mybad habits; Rinat and Johan, who taught me true dedication and drive; Allanand Core 77, who rst published this wacky idea; Tim, the brother whowill forever be the king of overeating crap; Marie Pierre and Joe, for neverallowing me to eat this stuff and making sure I grew up healthy, creative,and independent; William Clark for the nuts n bolts; Lydia and Meade forintroducing me to a thing called pop; Pierre and Lucie, for introducing meto a thing called la grande cuisine; and Jason, for everything in between.

    Bon appetit!

    acknowledgments

    x [ junk foodie ]

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    1

    introduction I grew up in a house without junk food. My mother was French, and preached of everything inmoderation. Each meal was incredibly creative, but, above all, healthy. We were humans, and thats whathumans ate. Good, healthy food. Snack time at our house meant fruit wedges, toast, and maybe some juice. Maybe. The sugar-iest thing my brother and I had was the occasional box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And if my mom was away from the breakfast table, wed eat three bowls as fast as we could, and then drinkthe milk. The last few gulps were so thick with cinnamon and sugar it felt like drinking delicious, edible, wetsand. Junk food, to me, was what aliens ate. And I was jealous of them. They lived all over town, in housesthat looked and smelled different. They had cable TV, didnt need to clean their rooms, and some of themwere even allowed to say the forbidden words, Shut up! In short, they were to be admired.

    To balance this land of heathens, wed y off to France in the summer and eat things like Fois Gras andTarte Amandine. The natives there said words like merci! and s il vous plait. It was a far cry from the landof Cinnamon Toast Crunchin this world we used silver forks and knives, and supported the importance ofapperitifs and elbows-off-the-table. Never, ever, would you dare ask for a thing called ketchup.

    That was then. This is now. Today the French eat Twinkies and the Americans eat Fois Gras. Itssomewhere in between that Junk Foodie evolved. Some call it fusion, I call it revolution. Cuz one rainy New York day, I sat at my desk dreaming up ways of making tasty distractions from the ofce snacks around me. And soon enough, an entire regime crystallized. And soon enough I left my job to make this stuff: Gross,delicious, ugly, beautiful, it was both alien and familiar. It was Junk Foodie. I make no pretense of this being any good for you at all, but I do guarantee to delight, inspire, andmake everyone giggle. Take it with a grain of . . . sugar(?) and practice moderation. Because too much of

    anything is no good at all. But not enough fun is a crime. Dig in!

    Emilie Baltz, 2010

    Guilty Pleasures

    1

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    equipment & techniquesWhat it takes to be a Junk Foodie

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    4 [ junk foodie ]

    junk foodie pantry

    Yoo-hoo

    This sweet chocolate drinkdates from the 1920s andis a great addition to anycocktail beverage or recipethat calls for a liquidy

    brown goo.

    Kool-Aid

    Nebraskas official softdrink, this powder wascreated by inventor EdwinPerkins and his wife Kitty in1927 to reduce the cost of

    shipping liquids.

    Nescaf

    It took seven years to developNescaf for its release inSwitzerland on April 1, 1938.Guess it takes about thatamount of time to figure outjust add water."

    Fanta

    Inspired by Germanimagination ("Fantasie")after the Allies placeda trading ban on NaziGermany during WorldWar II, Fanta was acreative solution toquenching thirst usingonly ingredients availablein Germany.

    Kool-Aid Fun Fizz

    Soft Drink 2.0. Fun Fizz letsyou have your Kool Aidandfizzy too. Drop it in any JunkFoodie liquid for extra zing.

    LIQUIDS

    EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO BE A JUNK FOOD IE

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    [ equipment & techniques ] 5

    Coca-Cola

    Originally developed in1886 as a nonalcoholicversion of French WineCoca, Coke was firstused medicinally to treat

    diseases. See. it is goodfor you.

    Root Beer

    This root-based beverage

    is made of more spicesthan there are continentalstates. Well, maybe not,but it does have a ton offlavor and is the beveragethat was first popularizedin the USA.

    7UpGet this, 7Up was first soldunder the name Bib-LabelLithiated Lemon-Lime Soda,and was launched a coupleweeks before the Wall StreetCrash of 1929. It containedmood-enhancing drugs andclaimed to cure hangovers.Now theres a reason to getUp in the morning.

    Grape SodaHey. Its purple. Nuff said.

    Ginger Ale

    This spicy stuff was the firstU.S. soft drink, originatingin 1866 and modeled afterimported Irish beers. Todayits used for all sorts of

    good stuff. Motion sicknessremedy included.

    Nestea

    It might not seem like

    junk food, but given that thesweetness of this bottledbeverage places it in thesame category as softdrinks, we thought to add itin for a drop of health.

    THESE INGREDIENTS CAN BE INTERCHANGED FOR ANY SIMILAR GENERICOR BRAND-NAME PRODUCT IN THE MARKETPLACE. THES