The Solitude of Swimming: A One-Act Play

8/19/2019 The Solitude of Swimming: A One-Act Play

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THE SOLITUDE OF SWIMMING of1 62

THE SOLITUDE OF SWIMMING

A Play in One Act

By K.C. Sharpe

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THE SOLITUDE OF SWIMMING

Character List

CHARLIE A handsome middle-aged man

SD Twenty-year old college male

“Dive in and deal with it.”

Synopsis

Following the relationship between a middle-aged bartender and a

frat boy, this one-act play introduces two strangers who become

friends as they share a pool together swimming laps. Both have

their own goals, but together they help each other out of their

comfort zones as their lives transform toward new beginnings.

There are eight scenes that take place within a year.

Charlie - on his own and alone, considers himself a has-been

bartender facing his forties while college student SD deals with

having the mind of a jock, but the body of a mathlete. As they

start training together in the pool, Charlie struggles to keep

SD focused on swimming while SD works on ways to get Charlie

excited about the world out of the water. By the time they take

a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Paris, they experience the benefits

of riding the motion of the moment.

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SCENE 1

SETTING: At the shallow end of anindoor swimming pool.

AT RISE: SD is recovering after

struggling to swim laps while

CHARLIE rests after swimming

multiple laps.

SD

You look like you know what you’re doing.

CHARLIEIt doesn’t feel like it. Really out of practice.

SD

How many laps was that?

CHARLIE

Lost track at twenty-six. I was shooting for fifty. Hope I

finished forty.

SD

Wow! That’s amazing man. It looks like you’re practicallygliding on the surface. Seriously, I don’t think I’m even

moving. I’m all choppy and sloppy, struggling to float — just

splashing and sinking. And there you are. You’ve got strong,

solid strokes.

CHARLIE

Hang in there.

SD

You make it look easy. I’ve been sort of watching you, I meanobserving. Nothing creepy. Just trying to learn from a pro. It

probably sounds creepy.

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CHARLIE

It does.

SD

How do you coordinate kicking and breathing with stroking and

floating? It feels like I’m struggling to save myself fromdrowning instead of swimming across the pool.

CHARLIE

(lifting his goggles off his eyes)

You’re lifting your head out of the water to breath. That’s

dragging your body downward. When you do that, you sink to a

stop.

SD

Ah ha. So you’ve been watching me too! So. What do I do?

CHARLIE

Don’t do that.

SD

Then what do I do?

CHARLIE

Keep your face in the water. Turn your head slightly at the neck

until just one cheek soaks on the surface. Then after you catch

some air, turn your face back into the water.

(demonstrates)Here. Grab the wall. Put your face in the water. Keep your ears

out so you can hear me.

SD

What?

CHARLIE

Keep your ears out so you can hear me.

SDWhat? I’m kidding. I’m kidding.

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CHARLIE

Twist your neck to the right until your face comes out of the

water. Suck up some air. Twist your neck back so your face is

back into the water. There you go. Blow bubbles.

SDWhat? No seriously. What?

CHARLIE

Don’t hold your breath. Blow bubbles. Slowly exhale, then turn,

inhale and stroke. Find a rhythm.

(demonstrates)

Stroke, stroke, stroke, turn, inhale. Stroke, stroke, stroke,

turn, inhale.

(stops and stands)

What’s so funny?

SD

It’s hard not to laugh every time you say stroke.

CHARLIE

I need to get back to my workout.

SD

I’m kidding. I’m kidding. This is really helpful man. I’m

training for a triathlon. Seems like I really overestimated my

swimming skills.

CHARLIE

Good luck with that.

SD

My fraternity brothers call me SD. That’s short for Slumdog.

CHARLIE

Isn’t that kind of racist?

SD

Is it supposed to be?

CHARLIE

Well. You from India?

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SD

I was born a Texan. So’s my mom. Her parents were from India.

Mom met my dad after he immigrated from India to study computers

here in Texas. And no, it wasn’t an arranged marriage.

CHARLIE

Oh wow. Your whole family history. Wasn’t expecting that. I’m

going to swim a few more laps.

SD

All good man. I’ll practice blowing bubbles. And my stroking.

Yup. Just gonna blow and stoke. Stroke and blow.

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SCENE)

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SCENE 2

SETTING: Outside the pool, near a

bench on the deck.

AT RISE: CHARLIE and SD cross paths onthe deck as CHARLIE dresses

to leave while SD undresses

before getting ready to swim.

SD

Morning man. Looks like you’re off to a late start. Just getting

here too, huh?

CHARLIE

Morning.

SD

Oh wow. Done already? You are one hell of a morning person. Me

too. When did you start?

CHARLIE

Around five this morning.

SD

Damn, that’s early. Thanks again you for the advice from the

other day. I’m that pain in the ass in the other lane? You

showed me how to breathe from the side?

CHARLIE

Oh. That’s right. Not a problem. You’re welcome.

(continues to dress)

SD

Let me ask you, you said to turn and breathe when I run out of

air. It looks like you breath every three strokes.

(CHARLIE stops and faces SD)

I’m sorry. I’m still observing your techniques and stuff. Swear

to God, I’m not stalking. I’m just standing around in the pool watching, trying to teach myself what to do. Looks like I’m not

the swimmer I need to be. For triathlons.

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CHARLIE

(Done dressing and back to packing)

It’s all good. Have a good work out.

SD

You told me it was like,(Pretending to swim)

‘Stroke, stroke, stroke, breathe. Stroke, stroke, stroke,

breath.’ So like I turned right, and then left. Is that a good

thing? ‘Stroke, stroke, stroke, breath. Stroke, stroke, stroke,

breath.”

(Watching CHARLIE try not to laugh)

What am I doing wrong?

CHARLIE

Nothing. You’re right — it is hard not to laugh when you say

stroke.

SD

I know, right?

CHARLIE

(stops packing to leave and starts

demonstrating some swimming techniques)

You’re swinging your arms around aimlessly, slapping into the

water without purpose. That’s slowing you down. You’re

struggling against the resistance you’re creating, splashing

around like that.

SD

Got it. Splashing bad.

CHARLIE

If you want to power forward further and faster — you’ve got to

coordinate efficiency with endurance. That way, you can manage

the strength of each stroke.

SD

I knew it. Even you know I suck.

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CHARLIE

Reach out with hands cupped. Then you slice into the surface and

cut the water with the side of your hand. Scoop up as much water

as you can and push it down from your chest to your waist. Then

out. Then over. Then in again.

SD

You coach?

CHARLIE

I bartend.

SD

Wanna coach?

CHARLIE

I’ve been out of the the water for years. Just trying to buildup some stamina and get back into shape.

SD

You know your stuff. I can really use your help.

CHARLIE

Kid, believe it or not, I’m not here to help you.

(rushes to leave, then stops)

Sorry, I didn’t mean to pop off like that. I’m just frustrated

focusing on me. I’m recovering from a broken ankle and put on a

lot of weight. Dealing with a body that’s melting from fit toflabby.

SD

That sucks man. What happened?

CHARLIE

After I broke my ankle, there were some surgeries and stitches —

then a cast and crutches. After a couple of weeks in a boot,

another operation festered an infection.

SDI meant, how did you break your ankle?

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CHARLIE

It was nothing exciting. Before the broken ankle, I was running

six or seven miles a morning. So when the doctor said I was good

to go, I started on the treadmill.

SDSort of like easing back into your routine, right?

CHARLIE

It was supposed to be easing back into my routine. Instead, my

ankle swelled, my knees ached, my back spasmed. A physical

therapist put me on an elliptical machine, but I got bored not

going anywhere.

SD

I love running outdoors too.

CHARLIE

Before I knew it, I was a brand new me in my middle age. I

stopped being driven and disciplined and became unconditioned

and uninspired.

SD

Try a trainer?

CHARLIE

Tried a lot. Weights weren’t working. Extreme boot camp was

excruciating. Yoga’s awkward and Zumba sounded goofy.

SD

What about the pool? You’re a solid swimmer. I’m impressed.

CHARLIE

That’s shame, not stamina. Being being seen shirtless sucks, so

I stay and swim until there’s no one to see me get out of the

water. Before you started showing up in the mornings, my

workouts were much more shorter.

SDIt sounds like I’ve been your motivation.

CHARLIE

Actually, I’m pretty much trapped swimming laps until you leave.

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SD

Oh, sorry. So, it sounds like you’re shy. I just thought you

don’t like to share.

CHARLIE(finishes dressing and packing,

ready to leave)

What a winner, huh? Don’t mean to be selfish. Just trying to get

back in shape. Doing it alone and on my own.

SD

(finishes undressing and unpacking,

ready to swim.)

Dude, I get it. You swim solo. Sorry I’m so greedy — asking for

all this advice. I’m going to get in the water and try it out.

Thanks again. Your help’s working.

CHARLIE

It’s SD, right? Slumdog?

SD

That’s right.

CHARLIE

Man. That really feels racist.

SDI don’t think it is. I mean, it won an Oscar.

CHARLIE

Have a good workout. I’ll probably see you tomorrow. I’m

Charlie.

(BLACKOUT)

(END SCENE)

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SCENE 3

SETTING: At the shallow end of the

indoor swimming pool.

AT RISE: Finished swimming his laps,CHARLIE watches and waits as

SD swims back.

CHARLIE

That’s much better.

SD

You beat me again.

CHARLIE

You’re not winning any races for awhile, especially against me.

SD

Still, I’m a quick learner, right? Plus, you peaked past your

prime long ago, before I was even born.

CHARLIE

And yet, I still beat you! Focus on finishing, fella. That was

twenty laps. Do that next week, then — when you get across the

lake, that’s when you start dealing with how to win the

triathlon.

SD

There’s got to be worse swimmers than me in that triathlon,

right? It’s not like I’m gonna finish last, right? Wait, what if

I don’t get across the lake? What if I stop swimming?

CHARLIE

You drown. You die. You finish last. Well, you don’t even

technically finish. You just drown and die.

SD

Ah, so this is more about survival! Got to swim to stay alive.

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CHARLIE

That’s right. Pretend you’re being chased by sharks. But save it

until you’re finishing. Start too soon and you’ll burn out. Just

pace yourself.

(preparing to start swimming again)

Let’s do another twenty. And start kicking. You’re all stroke,no kick.

SD

Saving up strength for the cycling.

CHARLIE

If your legs aren’t conditioned yet… the triathlon’s next week.

When you finish the swimming, you going to be able to pedal and

run when you’re done?

SD A couple of days ago, when after we finished swimming, I went

riding my bike. I couldn’t push the pedals about a mile in.

CHARLIE

That’s not good. You need to rehearse.

SD

Rehearse? It’s a triathlon, not a recital.

CHARLIE

I mean practice. Have you done all three? Together? Back-to-back?

SD

Sure. Over the weekend.

CHARLIE

Look how exhausted you are now. You ready to hop out of this

pool, right now, ride a few miles on a bike and finish up with a

run after that?

SDThat sounds like something I should be able to do, huh?

CHARLIE

Are you serious? Really? Are you serious about this race?

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SD

Yes I’m serious. It’ll be fine. I’m fine. It’s going to be fun.

This is fun.

CHARLIELet’s go. Twenty more.

SD

You’ll be there, right?

CHARLIE

Where?

SD

The triathlon. You’re coming?

CHARLIE

I don’t know. Weekends are hard on me. I work nights at the

club. After last call, I’m beat and go home and crash.

SD

Come on man. What kind of coach are you?

CHARLIE

I’m no coach. What am I supposed to do? I mean, I’ve never

watched a triathlon before. Or a marathon. Do I go and wait at

the finish line? Sit there while you’re swimming and riding yourbike? How’s it work?

SD

My fraternity brothers are going. You can hang with them. So’s

my girlfriend. You get to finally meet her. I told her how much

you’ve helped.

CHARLIE

Come on. Twenty more.

SDWait a minute, Charlie. Why not?

CHARLIE

Okay. Okay, I’ll think about it.

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SD

You’re coming. Okay?

CHARLIE

I’ll see what I can…

SD

How come after all these weeks working out together, I tell you

everything about me…

CHARLIE

Yes. You do.

SD

I don’t know anything about you? I mean, you married? Got kids?

CHARLIE

I’m a bartender. Of course I’m not married. At my age, I

wouldn’t be working at a club raising kids at home. Well, I

shouldn’t be working at a club if I had kids.

SD

I don’t even know what club you work at. I’ve never seen you at

any of the ones I’ve been to.

CHARLIE

Wait. You said you’re twenty. How you getting into clubs ifyou’re not…

SD

That’s not the point. We never talk about stuff going on outside

the pool. Well, I do. My girlfriend. My fraternity brothers. My

family.

CHARLIE

That’s because you talk and talk and talk. You’re stalling. Less

talking. More swimming. Twenty more, then we’re done for the

morning.

SD

You still haven’t even told me how you broke your ankle.

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CHARLIE

I told you it wasn’t anything sexy. It wasn’t like I broke it

sky diving or mountain climbing or…

SD

Or running with the bulls or bungie jumping. What was it? What was this life-changing crisis that traumatized you into becoming

a big, fat…

CHARLIE

A big, fat, what?

SD

Mystery. A big fat mystery.

CHARLIE

You’re stalling.

SD

Yeah, I’m stalling. Dude, seriously. Why’s swimming got to be so

boring? No music. No scenery. Swimming solo sucks.

CHARLIE

Embrace the solitude of swimming. Think of it like you’re

traveling through a time warp.

SD

It feels more like I’m in a test tube.

CHARLIE

Rocket underwater. Listen to the silent splashes beneath the

surface, the muffled vibrations coming from out of the water.

SD

I need tunes. I want to talk. There’s nothing to see.

CHARLIE

Let the water and the waves wash away the world and take some

time and deal with yourself alone.

SD

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Swimming should be social. You know, pool parties, boating,

beach vacations.

CHARLIE

When you’re swimming, all that matters is the motion of the

moment.

SD

I’m sick of swimming laps. Back and forth. Back and forth.

CHARLIE

You know about runner’s high, right? I swear I slip into a

swimmer’s coma when I get lost in the privacy of the pool.

SD

Not enough distractions. I need some external simulation.

CHARLIE

There’s no anxiety. I’m mindlessly moving every muscle in my

body. Stretching and pulling, not wondering and worrying about

regrets or fixing mistakes. Sometimes it feels like I’m actually

getting taller.

SD

It’s lonely.

CHARLIE

I only feel lonely out of the pool, back to feeling flabby andforgettable — blending in with all the other middle-aged men who

should be fathers or have a family of friends.

SD

So far, swimming keeps me from drowning.

CHARLIE

Let’s go. Twenty.

SD

Total team player here. But most of the time, I’m on thesidelines.

CHARLIE

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Probably because you never stop talking.

SD

I got the mind of a jock, but the body of a mathlete.

CHARLIEYou’re not going to swim any better gabbing like this.

SD

My competitiveness comes from Mom. Dad’s DNA’s to blame for the

physique. She’s the athlete. He’s the academic.

CHARLIE

A little bit from the best of both worlds, huh?

SD

I’m just like Dad says. I’m neither champion nor scholar, justaverage. No brains. No brawn. But with this face, with these

eyes. This smile. I’m set!

CHARLIE

Nothing wrong with striving to be awesomely average.

SD

Hey, chicks dig me, even if I don’t have much mass. I wish I

could have pecs.

CHARLIESo, yeah. Anyway, careful what you wish for kiddo. You’ll put on

pounds and get your pecs before you hit your thirties.

SD

I just think it would be nice to…

CHARLIE

Then, the closer you get to forty, you’ll hate love handles when

you grow a gut and back fat too.

SDJeeze, Charlie. I’m just talking about how much it sucks being

skin and bones.

CHARLIE

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Those chiseled cheekbones and your jawline, those’ll disappear

as your face gets puffy when you get closer to middle age. Then

you’re left coping with karma — dealing with the consequences of

what you did when you were younger.

SDYou are so hard on yourself.

CHARLIE

I’m losing tips at the club.

SD

It good money?

CHARLIE

Not since I broke my ankle. Nothing’s sadder than a creepy has-

been in his forties working behind the bar.

SD

You can’t be that old.

CHARLIE

I am now since I’m so out of shape. Used to fool everyone since

I looked younger than I really am — was. Now I’m like the tribal

elder compared to the younger bartenders who are attracting all

the business.

SDDidn’t realize bartenders were that big of a deal.

CHARLIE

Good bartenders gotta stay sexy. Learned that when I started

cooking cocktails and cracking longnecks in my twenties. Found

out it pays to be nice to the lonely and the homely — for a

price.

SD

How come?

CHARLIE

For a buck a beer, I smile and say they’re looking good if

they’re not good looking. I get a dollar a drink just squeezing

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a lime into gin and tonics as long as customers think they’re

turning me on when I’m turned off.

SD

Look at you, you gigolo you!

CHARLIE

Gigolo’s charge. I get rewarded. I’m talking tips. Got to keep

them coming back for another round and another dollar.

Flirting’s the most important part of the job — navigating

between tempting without teasing.

SD

You freak’n stud you. Bet you got stories.

CHARLIE

Let’s just say… I never take anyone home to entertain, but working behind the bar — I am entertaining.

SD

So you are social.

CHARLIE

You going to swim or gossip? You’ve got a lot of conditioning to

do if you want get across that lake next week.

SD

So where do you work? What club is it?

CHARLIE

You just don’t want to swim, do you?

SD

This is fun. Tell me more. What club? I turn twenty-one in

another month. It would be cool to hang. Party. Shots.

CHARLIE

It’s not that kind of club.

SD

Where’s it at?

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CHARLIE

Uptown. Near, Uptown.

SD

There clubs in Uptown?

CHARLIE

Down in Oak Lawn.

SD

Which one? There are a bunch of them down in Oak Lawn, right?

CHARLIE

It’s KC’s.

SD

Aah, KC’s Cha Cha Club. My girlfriend’s sorority sisters gothere all the time. They feel safe around all those gay guys.

CHARLIE

Yup. We get lots of them and bachelorette parties too. Drunk-

ass, high maintenance no-tipping messes. Always asking about

specials and ordering blended drinks.

SD

Got a boyfriend?

CHARLIENaw man.

SD

Why not?

CHARLIE

Bad for business.

SD

Because they don’t tip?

CHARLIE

If word gets out a bartender’s tied down, boyfriends turn off

the tippers.

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SD

You date?

CHARLIE

Not lately.

SD

Since you broke your ankle?

CHARLIE

Sounds about right.

SD

But what about before?

CHARLIE

You’re done swimming for the day, aren’t you?

SD

We’re just taking a break. So what’s the deal? No boyfriend? No

dates? You work at the hottest gay club in Texas. You’re not

into girls, are you?

CHARLIE

Naw man. I dig dudes. Just outta-towners. Visiting businessmen.

Trampy tourists. Guys who got other places to go or different

lives to live.

SD

What makes them so hot?

CHARLIE

Hooking up in hotels is hot — like honeymoons and affairs,

temporary and no strings. Sorry, I sound slutty.

SD

I’m a date slut myself. Being non-threatening and super sweet

has its advantages.

CHARLIE

Use it or lose it, right?

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SD

Last semester, I went to like every sorority date dash and

formal. Girls know I’m a sure thing, at least when I was single.

CHARLIE

But no more?

SD

Well, word travels fast on a small campus, so it’s nice to have

a break with a steady.

CHARLIE

Smart. You don’t want to get overexposed. So, you going to swim?

SD

You think if you got some you wouldn’t be such a douche?

CHARLIE

I’m only a douche around you. Anyway, I’m on a break until I’m

better.

SD

Better than what?

CHARLIE

Than I am now. At first I thought I could get back to the way I

was. Now I just want to be better than how I feel now.

SD

How to you feel?

CHARLIE

Like a fool.

SD

What for?

CHARLIE

There’s this grad student visiting from Boston I met up with a while back. Actually invited me back to Boston to visit, but I

broke my ankle. After I healed up and put on about twenty

pounds, he’s back in Dallas and stopped by the club. He was

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nice, but it got awkward when he noticed the weight. By last

call, he was out the door with some other dude.

SD

What a dick!

CHARLIE

Can’t blame him. I never reached out or kept in touch. That’s

when I learned I won’t get away with that behavior without the

body to back it up.

SD

Getting your build back to be a heartbreaker again?

CHARLIE

There’s no more time left to be a heartbreaker. At this age, I

don’t getting what I want. Now, it’s take what I can get. Yougoing to swim any more laps?

SD

You going to make it to the triathlon?

CHARLIE

I’ll see what I can do. Enough chit chat. Get your goggles and

go.

SD

But I’m…

CHARLIE

Enough. I don’t want to hear any excuses, I want to see

progress. Swim.

(BLACKOUT)

(END SCENE)

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SCENE 4


bench on the deck.

AT RISE: CHARLIE is getting ready toswim when SD appears without

swim gear.

CHARLIE

Hey Iron Man! Didn’t think you’d be back. Recovered?

SD

I was dead for days.

CHARLIEBut at least you finished?

SD

I don’t know what I was thinking.

CHARLIE

So what happened?

SD

Running with the swimmers, it felt so wild racing from the shore

into the water. I remember smiling and drowning in adrenalinenot knowing what to expect.

CHARLIE

I should have warned you.

SD

That cold, muddy water shocked the hell out of me. I panicked

when the waves from the other swimmers pushed me back against

the shore. I totally forgot to float.

CHARLIERunning into a lake is a hell of a lot harder than diving off

the side of the pool.

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SD

It hurt too. I couldn’t find my focus when all the faster

swimmers crashed into me and pushed me under as they crawled

over me — actually crawled over me!

CHARLIEPoor guy.

SD

I couldn’t process through the panic. It was like I wanted

everyone to stop so we could start all over again. I actually

wondered why no one was being nice.

CHARLIE

Pretty intense competition out there, huh?

SDCompetition? I wasn’t trying to compete. I was trying to

survive.

CHARLIE

Told you it wasn’t going to be a day at the beach. Sorry,

couldn’t help it.

SD

Finally, when I found room to face forward, I stretched my

strokes and crawled out of the chaos. I thought for sure I was

in last place, but swimmers kept creeping up from behind me.

CHARLIE

You weren’t getting chased down by senior citizens, were you?

SD

Who knew you had such a sense of humor? Cheesy as hell, but

still.

CHARLIE

I just can’t help but wonder if you had seriously practiced

instead of all the talking.

SD

Nothing could have prepared me for any of it.

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CHARLIE

I just think that…

SD

My arms reached out in front of me and my legs kicked behind me,but I wasn’t moving. Then I like mentally pushed my mind to

physically pull my body closer to the middle of the lake.

CHARLIE

See, mind over matter. That’s great.

SD

No man, that sucks. I wasn’t prepared for the panic, crashing

into swimmers and choking down water.

CHARLIENow you know?

SD

Finally, when I made it to the middle between both shores, I

felt some peace. Everything’s calm and the lake’s smooth. That’s

when I re-calibrated my strokes and finally reached a rhythm I

could ride to the other side.

CHARLIE

It’s a totally different world out there, isn’t it?

SD

Way out there in the water like that? Felt like I was lost in a

field. I could see everything around me, but distance kept me

from escaping. I had to break through all the openness and reach

my own route to get where I needed to go.

CHARLIE

At least all that space gives you time to get your head back

into the race.

SDI got moving and started chasing the other swimmers. Then I

heard muffled cheers coming from the shore. Talk about

motivation. To get out of that lake alive, it felt like I had to

escape the loneliness.

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CHARLIE

Well, if that worked better than pretending you were being

chased by sharks.

SDI heard the guys in my fraternity chant my name the closer I got

to shore. By the time I crawled out of the water, I was so

exhausted and fatigued…

CHARLIE

You actually had to work up enough energy to rest, right?

SD

I know. I was catching my breath, bending over and leaning onto

my knees. I didn’t have any strength to move on, change into my

gear and get on my bike. Mentally, I was checking out and readyto go home. Then, on the shore, there you were.

CHARLIE

Figured the least I should do was watch you swim. I just

followed your fraternity brothers. They really stood out

carrying “Swim Slumdog” signs. I really think some people might

get offended…

SD

You need to let that go, man. You really surprised me. Seeing

you there got my mind back in the race. Thank you.

CHARLIE

I forgot watching swimmers swim sucks. Watching bikers bike

sucks. Watching runners run sucks. Confirmed I am not a sports

fan. At least some of your fraternity brothers were pretty hot.

SD

Well, if you would have hung out at the finish line, I could

have introduced you.

CHARLIEThat was enough outside time for me. Ready for the next race?

[email protected]



29/62


SD

Man, I’m taking a time out from triathlons. I don’t think I’ve

got the discipline it takes to be racing out on my own. I’m

better being on a team.

CHARLIEBut when you’re on your own, you own it.

SD

What about sharing it?

CHARLIE

Independence is important.

SD

Tried it, didn’t like it. Independence isn’t much fun. There’s

no — you know, a ‘We’re-all-in-this-togther’ kind of vibe.

CHARLIE

You said it yourself, what’s the point of being on a team if

you’re always on the sidelines? What about all the attention you

got swimming out of that lake? You actually had fans cheering

for you. Didn’t you get a rush from the spotlight?

SD

Kinda felt a lot of panic from the pressure. Didn’t like

everyone watching me. I wanted to blend in and get lost so no

one noticed me losing.

CHARLIE

They’re watching you finish what you started — see you out there

competing against yourself. No one’s expecting you to win…

SD

What do you think about rowing? There’s a club on campus for

crew.

CHARLIE

Never thought about it.

SD

Thinking about joining. Could be fun.

[email protected]



30/62


CHARLIE

You think so?

SD

Gonna go work out the rowing machine and see what it’s like.

Figure at least it’s gotta be good for the lats.

CHARLIE

Swimming’s good for the lats, too.

SD

The club raises money posing for a beefcake calendar. I bet my

skinny ass would be perfect for October since it’s so scary.

CHARLIE

Done swimming?

SD

Naw man. Just wanna try something new.

CHARLIE

Too bad. Having you here keeps me committed.

SD

Thought I was distracting with all my stalling.

CHARLIE

Actually, all your triathlon training inspired me to focus onfinding my own race.

SD

Nice. Got anything in mind?

CHARLIE

There’s less competition in distance categories, and in my age

group too.

SD

I’m sure there’s even a lot less competition for swimmers as oldas you. Dude, I got no desire to get back into that pool.

[email protected]



31/62


CHARLIE

I get how terrified you must have been swimming across the lake

like that.

SD

I wouldn’t go that far. It was shocking. Putting up with pain wasn’t the problem. Listen, it’s lonely. Surrounded by those

swimmers — it felt like, everyone was so selfish and no one

showed any consideration.

CHARLIE

You were in their way. You were keeping them from where they

wanted to go.

SD

But, I was expecting… Why couldn’t it be like…

CHARLIE

Seriously, get serious. They’re there to compete, race against

personal bests. You’re either way too sheltered or too self-

centered. Don’t confuse sharing with taking.

SD

I guess I’m taking up too much of your time.

CHARLIE

I was doing drag.

SD

What?

CHARLIE

When I broke my ankle, I was doing drag.

SD

You do drag too?

CHARLIE

The bartenders compete in an annual drag pageant. Did a bunchof shots before the show. Went out on stage drunk in heels. Fell

and broke my ankle.

[email protected]



32/62


SD

Didn’t win?

CHARLIE

I won. Broke my ankle, but won.

SD

Well, congratulations. Sucks you broke your ankle, but you won.

So, do you compete a lot?

CHARLIE

It was a fundraiser. Whoever got the most tips won two plane

tickets to almost anywhere.

SD

Wow. Almost anywhere? In the world?

CHARLIE

I don’t know. Probably not like Antartica or North Korea. Or

terrorist nations. Hell, I don’t know. Haven’t used it yet.

Really got no where to go.

SD

Well, still. Way to go!

CHARLIE

All the bartenders partnered up with all the regular drag queens

from the club. This time I got Carol Christmas — who took thepageant very seriously. She put me in her best wig and dress —

and the shoes were like really, really high heels.

SD

Carol Christmas? Oh I get it. Christmas Carol. Carol Christmas.

That’s funny.

CHARLIE

After I fell, she ran out on stage screaming, ‘How the heels?

The heels okay?’ When I said I thought I broke my ankle, not my

heel, she was relieved her shoes were fine.

SD

So when you went to the hospital, were you like…

[email protected]



33/62


CHARLIE

No! I wasn’t in the emergency room in a wig and a dress or

anything like that. So, I broke my ankle in heels doing drag.

Told you it wasn’t sexy.

SDIt sounds pretty sexy if you’re into drag queens.

CHARLIE

When I fell, I found out how shallow my world really was. All my

friends from the club hung around long enough to sign my cast.

Then the all dropped off and moved on when I was recovering.

SD

That sucks.

CHARLIEEven Carol Christmas took off with one of the almost anywhere

plane tickets we won. She got a full-time cabaret gig in

Provincetown.

SD

Good for her?

CHARLIE

I lost buddies and business. I got all puffy and pasty. My

attitude hurt tips as much as my looks. Lost all my discipline.

Woke up too hung over for the gym. Even embarrassment didn’t motivate me back into shape.

SD

You know, when we met, I never would have thought you were a

bartender. You didn’t come across as the kind of guy with a lot

of friends.

CHARLIE

Sorry I was such a dick. Recovering from my recovery really

sucked.

SD

It makes sense now. You’re just an award-winning drag queen with

attitude.

[email protected]



34/62


CHARLIE

I’m already starting to regret telling you what happened.

SD

It’s all good. You’re back to a routine and kicking ass in the

pool.

CHARLIE

I grew up in pools. Swimming on teams. Lifeguarding. Teaching

lessons. Even coaching. But when I stared swimming again after I

broke my ankle, I really hated it.

SD

What? Swimming? Why?

CHARLIE

It really does suck dealing with all that nothingness in the water. How swimming forces you to wander and wonder. Swimming in

solitude — without distractions, you’re alert and aware of your

life and how you got there.

SD

Until you find the motion of the moment.

CHARLIE

Until you struggle through the motion of the moment.

(struggling to structure his thoughts)

When I show you, I see… I mean, when I tell you, I hear…um.(giving up and starting over)

As soon as you dive in, commit to the moment. Finish what you

start. Swim or sink. Fight or float. Drift aimlessly or drive

forward. Ride the waves or crash through them.

SD

I’m dying to see you in drag.

CHARLIE

Well, that ain’t gonna happen any time ever.

SD

[email protected]



35/62


I better let you get to swimming.

(getting ready to leave the pool)

You up for meeting up for coffee sometime soon?

CHARLIE

Yeah, man. Sounds good. Let’s do that sometime.(motioning toward the pool exit)

Good luck with the rowing machine out there.

SD

(stopping before leaving the pool)

So, what are you doing after this? I don’t have class until this

afternoon. Want to do pancakes or something like that?

CHARLIE

I can’t eat pancakes. How am I going to get in shape if I eat

like a skinny ass college frat boy?

SD

Then get the fruit plate or whatever the hell you want. You

wanna grab a bite or not?

CHARLIE

Okay, fine. Let’s meet up after I’m done. You go ahead and go

row, row, row your boat.

SD

And I’ll let you get to stroking and blowing.

(BLACKOUT)

(END SCENE)

[email protected]



36/62


SCENE 5


bench on the deck.

AT RISE: CHARLIE is in the middle of working out while a bearded

and fully clothed SD is in

the middle of visiting.

SD

I’ve never been to Europe. Hell, I’ve never left the country.

CHARLIE

Me neither, but what’s the point of winning a plane ticket to

almost anywhere if you don’t go anywhere awesome?

SD

But France? Do you know French?

CHARLIE

No. It’s not like I’ll be there alone. Lots of other Americans

from all over the U.S. will be there too.

SD

But still, Paris. Wow! That sounds amazing. Do you got to be gay

to be in the Gay Games? It sounds like reverse discrimination or

something like that.

CHARLIE

I’m sure any straight guy is more than welcome to compete if

they’re confident enough to risk losing to queers.

SD

Don’t say queer, man. How do you expect to stop homophobia if

you talk like that.

CHARLIE

Sorry, Slumdog. Did I offend, Slumdog? Anyway, it’s not likethey’re going to have a screener forcing men to make out with

each other to prove they do dudes.

[email protected]



37/62


SD

You consider making out an Olympic sport?

CHARLIE

Why not? You ever heard of tonsil hockey?

SD

So what about lesbians? They compete too?

CHARLIE

Of course. Wait, probably not in figure skating.

SD

Olympics for homosexuals. Wow. When you gays go big, you gays…

CHARLIE

Watch it, Slumdog.

SD

Well, never mind. Couldn’t find anything more local? Nothing on

this continent?

CHARLIE

Almost competed in the Gay Games when it was here in the states

awhile back. I was on a pretty intense volleyball team, but we

couldn’t get our act together. Plus, it was in Cleveland.

SDOhio? You mean all those gay athletes from all over the world

come to the United States and they have to go to Cleveland?

CHARLIE

I know. Pretty much the reason why my volleyball team wasn’t all

that motivated to go.

SD

Homos aren’t the hosts the appear to be. There some kinda gay

mecca thing in Cleveland you’re keeping from us straights?

CHARLIE

Don’t know. Never been.

[email protected]



38/62


SD

But Paris. Oh la la!

CHARLIE

I’ve got four months to go. Paid for my passport, saving up for

registration and paying for a place to stay.

SD

Who knew being a drag queen could be so rewarding? It’s a good

thing you won that plane ticket to almost anywhere.

CHARLIE

This free flight’s costing a fortune. I’m overreaching. Maybe I

should just go back to the Virgin Islands or do something

Caribbean instead.

SD Any swim meets down in the Caribbean?

CHARLIE

No, but there are some amazing resorts. Maybe a cruise?

SD

You said you wanted to train for something, right? This is the

freak’ing Gay Games man. You could end up being a Gay Games

champion. That’s bound to get you laid, right?

CHARLIEI’m not going all the way to Paris to party. Sure as hell not to

get laid either.

SD

Come on buddy. Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the three

Ps.

CHARLIE

What three Ps?

SDParis. Pools. And pricks.

[email protected]



39/62


CHARLIE

You’re spending way too much time down at the club. Maybe you

should start hanging out with your own kind. You need to

straighten up.

SDI love all that wit. Can’t help absorb all that attitude. Why

should you gay guys get all the…

CHARLIE

If you even say fabulousness, I’m barring you.

SD

Glamour. Why should all you gay guys get all the glamour?

CHARLIE

That sounds like something a drag queen would say. You need tostop flirting with them so much. Tease ‘em too much and they’ll

kick your ass.

SD

Who’s flirting? It’s fraternizing. So you’ve been to the

Caribbean before?

CHARLIE

Way back in my twenties. Dated a guy who took me to the British

Virgin Islands with a bunch of his friends for the holidays.

SD

Wow! That’s one hell of a date.

CHARLIE

On New Year’s Eve day, we weighed anchor on the coast off this

island called Jost Van Dyke.

SD

For real? What a name.

CHARLIE A few of us took some mushrooms, and when they kicked in, I

heard this woman with a Brooklyn accent yell from a megaphone,

“Ahoy Matey.” It was freak’n Joan Rivers in a dingy with a group

of guys.

[email protected]



40/62


SD

What’s a dingy?

CHARLIE

It was Joan Rivers! Who cares about the dingy. That’s not thepoint. It’s a small boat. So Joan Rivers points up at the gay

pride flag flying from our mast and said, “Does that rainbow

flag mean Diana Ross is on board?”

SD

Who’s Diana Ross?

CHARLIE

Never mind. So there I am, middle of winter, from the Midwest in

the middle of the Caribbean, tripping on ‘schrooms with Joan

Rivers. When she and her posse boated back to her yacht, Ilooked around, giggling on the mushrooms, wondering if I had

hallucinated Joan Rivers.

SD

See, I knew you had stories.

CHARLIE

Before all that, when the guys raised up that rainbow flag, I

got scared. I was embarrassed. They’d all been out and proud on

the coasts in New York and L.A. while I was in the middle of the

U.S., barely out a year. That was the first moment I really felthow good it was to be gay.

SD

What about your boyfriend?

CHARLIE

He’s a trust-fund baby who wanted to be someone’s sugar daddy.

At that moment, it felt inappropriate, being some young, dumb,

poor bartender using him for a trip to paradise. Then I took

another moment and figured it’s better to be used and be

something someone wants rather than use someone to get what you want.

SD

And now, at this moment?

[email protected]



41/62


CHARLIE

I’m not really something someone wants, now am I?

SD

What about the trust-fund baby?

CHARLIE

Well, he was the first of a few sugar daddies. We hooked up a

couple more times after the trip before I took off for Dallas.

SD

Where’d you been living?

CHARLIE

Kansas City. That paradise vacation motivated me to start over

and get the hell out of the middle of nowhere. So I moseyed ondown to the Big D.

SD

So you’re not a Texan?

CHARLIE

That was twenty years ago. I think I’ve earned my boots by now.

SD

Well, I just thought I’d check in on ya and see how you were

doing. Show off the beard too.

CHARLIE

Yea, I noticed. You better be careful. Some people around here

might think you're a terrorist with that beard.

SD

Look who’s being racist.

CHARLIE

I’m not the racist — just a concerned friend, who’s warning you

about all the racists out there. What’s the girlfriend thinkabout the beard? Any bitching about whisker burn?

[email protected]



42/62


SD

We’re taking a break. Well, she is. Said I wasn’t serious

enough.

CHARLIE

So, she was having too much fun?

SD

I know. I’m too hard to handle.

CHARLIE

I think you mean ‘hot.’ You’re too ‘hot’ to handle.

SD

I wouldn’t be so sure.

CHARLIEThat’s like your second breakup since the triathlon.

SD

I got to stop goofing off.

CHARLIE

It’s good to goof off at your age. It’s more fun finding

girlfriends than having girlfriends. You should be marketing

yourself in your twenties.

SDWhat you know about dating girls?

CHARLIE

I dated girls before guys. I’ve been the dater and the datee.

I’ve been dated and have dated.

SD

A real pro, aren’t ya?

CHARLIE

Never been paid…

SD

Right. Just rewarded.

[email protected]



43/62


CHARLIE

Get out there and flirt like it’s a focus group. Find out what

works.

SD And get down to business?

CHARLIE

Anyway, what about you has ever given anyone the impression

you’re capable of being serious?

SD

I give good pillow talk.

CHARLIE

Atta boy!

(BLACKOUT)

(END SCENE)

[email protected]



44/62


SCENE 6

SETTING: A coffee shop table

AT RISE: SD is sitting, waiting for

CHARLIE to bring coffee from

the counter. CHARLIE enters

with two cups of coffee.

CHARLIE

I’m starting to like this ‘daddy’ stage. That twink making my

cappuccino asked if I like it extra frothy.

SDOkay. I don’t know what any of that means.

CHARLIE

Gaydars are colliding. Just some friendly flirting between

family.

SD

Your family?

CHARLIE

Sorry. That’s code from way back. Family’s gay for gay.

SD

So what’s gay for gay now?

CHARLIE

I don’t know. Gay?

SD

Maybe he’s flirting for tips. What did you leave him?

CHARLIEHalf what he’ll tip me back at the club, assuming I’m still

working there.

[email protected]



45/62


SD

Retiring?

CHARLIE

No. Just transitioning. Exploring options.

SD

What did you find?

CHARLIE

Therapy.

SD

Think you need it?

CHARLIE

Not personally. Therapy as a career. I’m volunteering at the VA.

SD

Wow. Look at you. Wait. What are you volunteering?

CHARLIE

Believe it or not, helping out with some hydrotherapy.

SD

What’s that? Swim lessons?

CHARLIEFloating lessons. Swimming takes us somewhere. Floating helps us

control where we are.

SD

That sounds kinda Zen.

CHARLIE

It’s not physical therapy. It’s therapy therapy. For vets coming

home with PTSD.

SDYou teach them to float?

CHARLIE

It’s more like exercises.

[email protected]



46/62


SD

Floating’s an exercise?

CHARLIE

It’s a little bit team-building, a little bit trust-building, alittle bit focus-building.

SD

Yep, that’s Zen.

CHARLIE

Totally hippy. But, it helps. They’re soldiers trained to be

alert and ready for action. The therapy challenges them to relax

and recharge. Shows them how to cope with anxiety. Instead of

tensing up, keeping calm when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

SD

So much Zen.

CHARLIE

I know. But really, it’s teaching them to center on what they’re

doing instead of reacting to what they’re feeling.

SD

Yoga much?

CHARLIEYou’re right. It is pretty cosmic, especially for the military.

But seriously, it feels like a fit.

SD

Where’d all this come from?

CHARLIE

Honestly, it’s actually politically inspired.

SD

Oh no. What are you up to?

[email protected]



47/62


CHARLIE

It started that way. All those pseudo-patriots who so-proudly-

they-hail superficial support for the troops. I just wanted to

show them how it’s really done.

SDWhat did you do?

CHARLIE

Actually, you and your fraternity brothers and your philanthropy

inspired me. Just followed in your footsteps — volunteering at

the VA.

SD

My fraternity fundraises for the VA. We visit the vets. Our

alumni’s got military. The chapter’s founded by World War II

vets.

CHARLIE

‘Homo helps heroes heal.’ Came up with it swimming one morning.

SD

You need to stop scheming when you’re swimming.

CHARLIE

Figured that’ll put those right-wingers in their place. Bragging

about greeting soldiers in airports, their bumper stickers, all

that goddamned weepy-washy country music.

SD

Why so spiteful?

CHARLIE

It started out of spite. Come on, those ‘wounded warriors,’

really? Let’s face it. They’re hopeless heroes broken by bullets

and bombs.

SD

Right. They sacrificed…

[email protected]



48/62


49/62


CHARLIE

It was the Cold War. Who needed boots on the ground when there’s

bombs bunkered underground ready to launch? The movies made the

military look like a lot of fun. It was all Top Gun and War

Games, Stripes and Private Benjamin.

SD

Why the military?

CHARLIE

So I could be an Officer and a Gentleman. There were bases built

all around the world. Thought it’d be awesome to be stationed

over in Europe. Be a pilot. Get away from where I came from.

SD

What stopped you?

CHARLIE

The military. The government. Democracy. The good ol’ U.S. of

A..

SD

I’m confused.

CHARLIE

It was right before ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ Gays weren’t

allowed in the military. I wasn’t out. Hadn’t done anything with

any dudes. Even thought the military might keep me from actingon my… attractions.

SD

Were you sure you were gay?

CHARLIE

Since I was six.

SD

So you’re bitter?

CHARLIE

Growing up listening to grown ups defend their fear of fags.

Debating gays in the military. Gay teachers. Coaches. All I

heard was hate.

[email protected]



50/62


SD

That sucks man.

CHARLIE

It started sounding silly when they started shouting about

showers.

SD

What about showers?

CHARLIE

Men in the military actually testified they’re terrified to

shower with gays. Brave enough to kill commies, but creeped out

by queers.

SD

But it’s different now.

CHARLIE

Now that I’m in my nearly fifty and seriously flabby. I never

got to live the life I thought I’d like. Never got to leave the

Midwest. Never got to see the world. Never got to be a pilot.

SD

But volunteering at the VA? To prove political points?

CHARLIE

Not anymore. I told you the therapy program is pretty importantand I want to help. It started as poetic justice. Challenging

hypocrisy. Confronting all those ignorant and naive bigots and

homophobes.

SD

You’re such a snob. Can’t you just be nice? Oh that’s right,

only for a price. I get it. At least you admit you use people.

Why would those vets be any different? Too bad they can’t tip

you.

CHARLIEListen. I better get going.

[email protected]



51/62


SD

Wait. We’re supposed to be talking about Paris. Should I buy my

plane tickets now?

CHARLIE

You still want to go?

SD

Hell yeah. Why wouldn’t I?

CHARLIE

I figured you’d change your mind.

SD

No way. This is gonna be wild. My first trip out of the country.

To Europe. With Olympic homosexuals.

CHARLIE

Homosexual Olympians.

SD

What’s the difference?

CHARLIE

Homosexual Olympians are athletes who just happen to be gay.

Olympic homosexuals compete to be a champion in all things gay.

SD

What’s the difference?

CHARLIE

Never mind. Listen, I wasn’t sure you were serious about going.

SD

Of course I was serious. I can still go, right?

CHARLIE

I’m just having second thoughts.

SD

Is it because I’m straight?

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52/62


CHARLIE

No, it’s because I’m not sure I should be competing.

SD

Because?

CHARLIE

Look at me. I’m in no condition to travel around the world to

race in swim meets.

SD

Dude, this ain’t the real Olympics.

CHARLIE

I mean, if I’m serious about focusing on this therapy program at

the VA center, I shouldn’t be flying off to Europe. There’re

training programs I got to go to and certification classes.

SD

So what? I’m trying to graduate too. We’ll be gone a week. It’s

still two months away.

CHARLIE

I have no clue what my schedule’s going to look like.

SD

It’s Paris. With gay athletes. From around the world. A

smorgasbord of guys into guys. A buffet of buff boys!

CHARLIE

It’s not a meat market. It’s a swim meet.

SD

It’s what you’ve been training for.

CHARLIE

Now you bring it up, I’ve kind of been slacking off. I haven’t

been in the pool for weeks.

SD

That’s okay. There’s time. I’ll start swimming again in the

mornings. Tell you what, every morning you miss, I fine you

twenty bucks. You skip a work out, I get cash for Paris.

[email protected]



53/62


CHARLIE

What about rowing? How’s it going with that crew club on campus?

SD

I quit a month ago, after my twenty-first. I’m playing on a sandvolleyball league downtown around Fair Park and Deep Ellum. It’s

called ‘Beachellum.’ It’s bisexual.

CHARLIE

What?

SD

Well, it’s more fun since girls and guys play together. On the

same teams.

CHARLIEYou mean co-ed?

SD

Sure, what did I say?

CHARLIE

Never mind. It wasn’t what you meant.

(BLACK OUT)

(END SCENE)

[email protected]



54/62


SCENE 7

SETTING: An airport terminal

AT RISE: CHARLIE and SD are sitting

and waiting for to board

their flight to Paris. SD is

silent, sunken, stunned and

humiliated.

CHARLIE

Assholes are everywhere.

SD

And when we land in Paris? Will I go through that again?

CHARLIE

Don’t let a bunch of red neck TSA agents ruin Paris for you.

They’re nobodies with no where to go. They sit and simmer,

watching everyone else go everywhere they won’t.

SD

That was more than profiling. That was an interrogation.

CHARLIE

They were pissed. They didn’t feel you were taking themseriously.

SD

That fat ass racist pig mumbled I might be Muslim.

CHARLIE

I heard.

SD

So I get pulled aside, patted down and then put in a room

because I look Muslim? Jesus Christ, I’m freakin’ Baptist.

CHARLIE

An airport security checkpoint isn’t the place to be funny. You

were goofing off. They were getting insulted.

[email protected]



55/62


SD

So what if I wasn’t shaking in my socks? Frightened by their

authority? Why should I be afraid of losers like them?

CHARLIEYou should have stopped smiling.

SD

I always smile.

CHARLIE

It added to the tension. I tried helping them understand the

misunderstanding.

SD

Why? They’re the professionals. They should understand.

CHARLIE

This is the best they’ll do in life. They stay behind, patting

down passengers passing them on their way to promising business

trips and exciting vacations.

SD

I hope they choke on their pork rinds and rot in their trailers.

CHARLIE

This is what life is like for boogiemen. Guys like us piss offguys like them. It’s bad enough we’re different, but it’s even

worse that we beat them at life.

SD

So I have to feel shame from from someone so insignificant?

CHARLIE

When I taught high school right out of college, there was

delusional senior girl who spread rumors we were secretly

dating.

SD

Didn't she know you were gay?

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56/62


CHARLIE

No one did. They put me on paid leave during an investigation. I

thought I could explain away the gossip by admitting I was gay.

SD

So they knew she lied.

CHARLIE

So they fired me. I told the truth and got fired. The school

board cited a morality clause I signed back when I accepted the

district’s job offer. Hip hip hooray for honesty, huh?

SD

Where was this?

CHARLIE

More like when was this. I was teaching in a farm town about twohours from Kansas City. Out there back then, everyone thought

gays were far away in cities killing each other off with AIDS.

SD

What the hell were you doing in a farm town anyway?

CHARLIE

Up until then, I had never told anyone. Never acted on it. Never

been to a gay bar or kissed another man.

SDSeriously man, sounds like you were a late bloomer.

CHARLIE

Thought I was being brave - standing up to the community

accusing me of being a child molester. My career ended once I

finally began being honest. That’s my coming out story.

SD

My parents told me not to be acceptable but exceptional. What I

wouldn’t do to avoid standing out. Just blend in. Be a part of

something bigger.

CHARLIE

Why contribute when you’re not wanted? You’re better off

thriving on your own.

[email protected]



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SD

No one really wins alone. Lift someone, get somewhere.

CHARLIE

Lifting is a struggle. So is getting through the day. Screw whoever says every day is a gift we get. Every day is a prize we

win. A prize for surviving the day before. We won today

yesterday. Tomorrow’s for winning today.

SD

Does every day have to be a competition? What’s wrong with

relaxing and feeling comfortable like I’m at home around people

who like me for being me.

CHARLIE

Settling and staying still? The older you get, the harder toheal. Our bodies get weaker and decay. Experience gives us

courage to build strength to survive. Staying still doesn’t give

us the experience we need to succeed.

SD

There’s always going to be someone who will make me feel small.

CHARLIE

We move forward learning what hurts. Fire, poisonous plants,

dangerous animals, cruel villains. So many scary and vicious

threats. Always avoiding risk, we watch for cues and clues wecan read for signs and signals.

SD

Smiling through the hurt and pain, talking my way around bullies

and bigots.

CHARLIE

Fight or flight doesn’t help when people hurt us so we have to

face the fear. We’re done if we don’t deal with the

disappointment.

(BLACK OUT)

(END SCENE)

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SCENE 8

SETTING: Poolside in Paris during the

Gay Games.

AT RISE: CHARLIE is preparing SD to

step in and race in a relay.

CHARLIE

Think of this as your chance to be exceptionally acceptable.

SD

What did you tell them?

CHARLIEThat you were awesomely average.

SD

Did you say I’ve never raced before? Seriously, the triathlon

doesn’t count.

CHARLIE

The first two swimmers will build a lead for you. You’re third

in the relay. The anchor follows you. It’s up to him to finish

hard. He wins, you all win.

SD

You told them I wasn’t gay, right?

CHARLIE

They’re not heterophobic. You’re from the United States. You’re

under thirty. You fit in the suit. You qualify.

SD

What if I can’t finish?

CHARLIEThen you return to the United States in disgrace. Gays all

across the country will crush you for failing our nation. You’ll

finish. Swim down the lane and back. All done.

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59/62


SD

Sure there’s no one else to be a replacement for their relay?

CHARLIE

Those Vegas twinks are the only athletes under thirty from the

U.S. who could afford traveling to Paris.

SD

What if we find the other swimmer? The one who came with them?

There’s still time.

CHARLIE

Their teammate left that party last night with some weightlifter

from Spain. Even if he does show up, he won’t be in any

condition to swim. Hell, doesn’t look like any of his teammates

have been to bed either. I can smell the booze on their breath

even with all this chlorine. Go warm up.

SD

I don’t even know these guys. What do I say?

CHARLIE

Since when are you unable to strike up conversations with

strangers? Just dive in.

SD

I don’t want to look like I don’t know I’m doing. I swear I’m

going to blow this.

CHARLIE

It never gets old, does it?

SD

You mean when I say blow? I know, right?

CHARLIE

That’s the risk you take when you’re on a team. You’re in on the

win, or you take them down.

SD

I sure as hell don’t want to go down on the team.

CHARLIE

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60/62


Really? That’s so lame, even for a straight guy.

SD

What’s in it for you?

CHARLIEIt’s all for the love of God and country. Purple mountains

majesty. Let’s go. Get down there.

SD

The blonde seems to like you. You guys spent a lot of time

together since the opening ceremonies. You using me to get into

his pants?

CHARLIE

I don’t need your help getting into anyone’s pants. Plus, I

kinda like the Italian we met when we were watching thegymnastics competition. The pole vaulter. Sitting in the

bleachers behind us.

SD

He can barely speak a word of English.

CHARLIE

Which is good. Silence is sexy.

SD

The only thing he understood was when you said we’re from Texas.He smiled and shouted, “Go Cowboys!” He probably thinks you’ve

got a ranch back home with horses waiting for your return.

CHARLIE

Nothing wrong with a little friendly fantasy. I’ll be his cowboy

and he can by my curly haired Italian Stallion. Plus, he’s

closer to my age. The Vegas blonde’s way too young.

SD

You a bear?

CHARLIE

Not intentionally. Wait. What do you know about bears?

SD

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61/62


Heard the blonde’s into bears.

CHARLIE

Who said? Whatever. Really?

SDLook at you.

CHARLIE

What’s wrong?

SD

Bears blush!

CHARLIE

You’re stalling.

SD

I’m stalling.

CHARLIE

When you get on the platform, when the swimmer before you

touches the wall, spring out and stretch like you’re reaching

for the wall on the other side.

SD

Wait. What?

CHARLIE

Just dive in and deal with it. You’ll be underwater for a while,

but you’ll raise to the surface. That’s when you swim from the

sharks. And stroke. Stroke like your life depends on it.

SD

It’s still hard not to laugh every time you say stroke.

CHARLIE

And don’t forget to blow when you stroke.

SD

What about sucking? Can’t blow until you suck in some air!

CHARLIE

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62/62


No more gay bars for you when we get home. Now go. Less

stalling. More swimming.

SD

Does it look like I know what I’m doing?

CHARLIE

Does it feel like you know what you’re doing?

SD

I guess we’ll find out as soon as I hit the water. Hey! What’s

happening here? How’d you talk me into this?

CHARLIE

I learned from a real pro.

(CURTAIN)

The Solitude of Swimming: A One-Act Play

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Transcript of The Solitude of Swimming: A One-Act Play