Pre Deployment Marriage Class

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Class Developed for Military Couples Prior to Deployment

Transcript of Pre Deployment Marriage Class

  • Pre-Deployment Marriage Seminar CH(CPT) Keith J. Andrews TF-Ram Chaplain 29 NOV 07
  • Pre-Deployment Marriage Seminar CH(CPT) Keith J. Andrews TF-Ram Chaplain 29 NOV 07
  • Purpose
    • To Open the Door to Communication Between the Spouses
    • To Assist the Couples in Preparing For Deployment
    • To Encourage Couples that Hardships Can Be Overcome
    • To Provide Resources for Increasing Marriage Survivability
  • References
    • The Emotional Cycle of Deployment: A Military Family Perspective: U.S. Army Medical Department Journal. Apr-Jun 2001by LTC Simon H. Pincus, USA, MC, COL Robert House, USAR, MC, LTC (P) Joseph Christenson, USA, MC, and CAPT Lawrence E. Adler, MC, USNR-R
    • The 7 Stages of Marriage by Sar Harrar and Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. http://www.rd.com/channel/7-stages-of-marriage .
    • 50 Ways to Woo Your Lover. By Gregory J.P. Godek. http://www.rd.com/content/50-ways-to-woo-your-lover .
    • http://www.rand.org/pubs/monographs/2007/RAND_MG599.pdf Karney, B.R., & Crown. J.S. (2007). Families under stress: An assessment of data, theory and research on marriage and divorce in the military. Santa Monica, CA: The RAND Corporation.
    • RAND Study Finds Divorce Among Soldiers Has Not Spiked Higher Despite Stress Created By Battlefield Deployments http://www.rand.org/news/press/2007/04/12/index3.html
    • Military Service and Marriage: A Review of ResearchNational Healthy Marriage Resource Center. http://www.healthymarriageinfo.org/docs/review_mmilitarylife.pdf
    • One Day Redeployment Marriage Workshop. CH(CPT) Keith J. Andrews, 1-101 AVN. 2006.
    • Strengthening Marriages. 501st Special Troops Battalion,101st Airborne Division. CH(MAJ) Matthew Wysocki.
    • Improving Communication. PowerPoint Presentation.
    • Anger Management: A Solution Focused Approach. PowerPoint Presentation.
    • Speaking the Same Language: excerpts from The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Love Is A Dance; Pre-Deployment Marriage Seminar Presented to Families at Ft. Campbell, KY. 2005.
    • Rainey, Dennis (Editor). Preparing for Marriage:The Complete Guide To Help You Discover Gods Plan For A Lifetime Of Love. Gospel Light, Venturea, California. 1997.
    • Strong Bonds: For the 101st Airborne Division and their loved ones. Copyright PREP Educational Products, Inc. 2007.
    • PREP: The Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program. Copyright PREP Educational Products, Inc. 1997
    • The Marriage Doctor(TM) Is In! Seven Stages of Marriage Interview Videos with co- author Dr. Rita DeMaria. http://www.rd.com/channel/7-stages-of-marriage/ *Used quotes of Dr. Rita DeMaria,during the presentation of the Seven Stages.
    • Marriage Today: What 1,001 Couples Report . http://www.rd.com/content/marriage-today-what-1001-couples-report/
    • Chapman, Gary. The Five Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Northfield Publishing, Chicago, Illinois. 1995.
  • Overview
    • Seven Stages of Marriage
    • Deployment
    • Communication
    • Creating Intimacy
    • Recommended Resources
  • Seven Stages of Marriage Based on the book:The 7 Stages of Marriage Laughter, Intimacy and Passion: Today, Tomorrow, Forever. By Sar Harrar and Rita DeMaria, Ph.D. Readers Digest. 2007. and http://www.rd.com/channel/7-stages-of-marriage
  • STAGE 1: PASSION Romance and Falling in Love*
  • STAGE 2: REALIZATION Facing Everyday Reality of What it Means to be Living Together*
  • STAGE 3: REBELLION The Couple Begins to Ask Themselves; How much conflict are we having? How is the conflict resolving? Is my general mood toward my partner one of feeling good or one of frustration?*
  • STAGE 4: COOPERATION Understanding that Marriage is a team effort
  • STAGE 5: REUNION Focus returns back to the marriage.*
  • STAGE 6: EXPLOSION Something Big is Happening*
  • STAGE 7: COMPLETION Trust, Fun, Passion, Blessing, Meaning, and Purpose into your Marriage.
  • The Seven Stages of Marriage
    • STAGE 1: PASSION
    • STAGE 2: REALIZATION
    • STAGE 3: REBELLION
    • STAGE 4: COOPERATION
    • STAGE 5: REUNION
    • STAGE 6: EXPLOSION
    • STAGE 7: COMPLETION
  • The Seven Stages of Marriage
    • STAGE 1: PASSION
    • STAGE 2: REALIZATION
    • STAGE 3: REBELLION
    • STAGE 4: COOPERATION
    • STAGE 5: REUNION
    • STAGE 6: EXPLOSION
    • STAGE 7: COMPLETION
  • Deployment
  • The Emotional Cycle of Deployment: A Military Family Perspective Adapted from Article Published in the Apr-Jun 2001 edition of U.S. Army Medical Department Journal. Time Adjusted from Six Month Model to 15 Month Model
  • Pre-Deployment
    • Time frame: months prior to departure
    • Anticipation of loss vs denial
    • Train-up/long hours away
    • Getting affairs in order
    • Mental/physical distance
    • Arguments
  • Deployment
    • Time frame: first month
    • Mixed emotions/relief
    • Disoriented/overwhelmed
    • Numb, sad, alone
    • Sleep difficulty
    • Security issues
  • Sustainment
    • Time frame: months 2 thru 12
    • New routines established
    • New sources of support
    • Feel more in control
    • Independence
    • Confidence ("I can do this")
  • Re-Deployment
    • Time frame: months 12 thru 15
    • Anticipation of homecoming
    • Excitement
    • Apprehension
    • Burst of energy/"nesting"
    • Difficulty making decisions
  • Post-Deployment
    • Time frame: 3 to 6 months after deployment
    • Honeymoon period
    • Loss of independence
    • Need for "own" space
    • Renegotiating routines
    • Reintegrating into family
  • Deployment Deployment Pre-deployment 11 Soldier Spouse/Family Sustainment Redeployment Post-Deployment
  • Communication
  • Authentic Communication from Preparing for Marriage. P140 Authentic Communication is much more than just talking.
  • Speaker/Listener Technique
    • Rules for Speaker
      • Speak for yourself, dont mind read
      • Keep statements brief, dont go on and on
      • Stop to let others paraphrase
    • Rules for the Listener
      • Paraphrase what you hear
      • Focus on speakers message. Dont rebut
    • Rules for Both
      • Speaker has the floor, keeps until understood
      • Share the Floor
  • Time Out
  • Not a good time... We can bring up issues at any time, but the listener can say this is not a good time. If the listener does not want to talk at that time, he or she takes responsibility for setting up a time to talk in the near future.
  • Fun, Friendship, Sensuality, & Spirituality
    • Make time for the great things:
      • fun
      • friendship
      • sensuality
      • Spirituality
    • Agree to protect these times from conflict and the need to deal with issues.
  • Creating Intimacy
  • Speaking the Same Language excerpts from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
    • WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
    • QUALITY TIME
    • RECEIVING GIFTS
    • ACTS OF SERVICE