South Platte Sentinel Wednesday, Sept. 2, 2015 Page 7

Potpourrivia

By Bud Christian

Opinion

Little Johnny is probably still in grade school It’s school time once again, and my mind turns to those little urchins who scamper off to school clamoring for new things to learn and exciting concepts to explore. I’m always so happy to know that another generation of young learners is on their way to becoming fi ne, productive citizens. However, somewhere along the way, many of those fresh-faced lads and lasses detour a bit from their learning road and provide us with some gems that can’t be ignored. I’m sharing some of those with you today, dear readers. (I am indebted to JustFunnies for much of today’s material.) I hope they bring back some fond memories of your schooldays or your children’s times in their formative years. •A little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him so dad asks, “What part did you get?” The boy replied, “I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.” His father congratulated him and then he said, “That’s really good son; maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!” •A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: “Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” “Yes, sir,” the class said in unison. “Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” All was quiet in the room for a moment, and then one class member called out, “Cause your feet ain’t empty.” •A fi rst grade teacher collected a long list of well-known proverbs. She gave each student in her class the fi rst half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of it. Their insight may surprise you: Better to be safe than...punch a 5th grader. Never underestimate the power

of...termites. You can lead a horse to water but...how? Don’t bite the hand that...looks dirty. No news is...impossible. A miss is as good as a...mister. You can’t teach an old dog new...math. If you lie down with dogs, you’’ll...stink in the morning. Love all, trust...me. The pen is mightier than the...pigs. An idle mind is...the best way to relax. Where there’s smoke there’s...pollution. A penny saved is...not much. Don’t put off until tomorrow what...you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and...you have to blow your nose. None are so blind as...Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not...spanked or grounded. If at fi rst you don’t succeed...get new batteries. You get out of something what you...see pictured on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind...get out of the way. •Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.” Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.” (I suspect Johnny is still on a timeout in Ms. Smith’s classroom.) •Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a fi eld trip to the local police station, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. “Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.” “So, why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?” little

Johnny asked. •A teacher wanted to give his 5th-grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, class, closely observe the worms,” said the teacher while putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. “Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?” the teacher asked. A young wise guy, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and responded confi dently, “Drink whiskey, and you won’t get worms.”

Previous question: What are port-manteau words? Answer: Portmanteau words are descriptive word combinations such as brunch (breakfast and lunch), motel (motorists and hotel) and smog (smoke and fog). Question: What is the more com-mon name for “stereolithography,” which was invented in 1984? Hang up your cell phone and just drive. Peace! (Bud Christian, of Sterling, is the author of numerous books on the English language and trivia. Email comments or questions to budnjoyce1@msn.com.)

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