Md. Shahidul IslamKarolinska InstitutetStockholmshaisl@me.com

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Hiru Miah

Nuru Miah

Language of a Wolf

• Communications that invite misunderstanding, aggressions, competitions, and unnecessary conflicts

• Demand. Threat. Punishment. Shame.. Diagnosis. Silence. Arrogance. Irony. Judgment. You are always! Never! –You did not understand! – You must..! You make me..(angry, irritated etc)!

Language of a Wolf

LANGUAGE OF A GIRAFF

• When I want to express how I react in a situation, without worsening a conflict, or relations, or getting other unwanted effects

• 1. When I (see, hear…), 2. I (feel, become)...…3. because I..…4. and wish that….

LANGUAGE OF A GIRAFF

• When someone expresses a strong, generalized, black-or-white, and/or difficult to understand reaction, and I want to achieve a problem-solving level of communication..

• 1. When I (see, hear…), 2. I (feel, become)...…3. because I..…4. and wish that….

LANGUAGE OF A GIRAFF

Feedback or how to criticize or give compliments

• Say what the person does, without making a judgment of the person. Say what he/she does/does not, NOT what he/she is. – Be specific

• Give example, preferably as early as possible (but not immediately), so that the person can remember the situation and the context

• Say ”I”..(Not ”we” or ”everybody thinks that”)

• Check that the person understood what you meant. (”Did you get what I meant?” Or ”Do you know what I am referring to?”)

• Give just enough feedback

• Remember to give positive feedback i.e give compliments! Then people grow…..

• Listen – Listen – Listen – Lislen-

Feedback or how to criticize or give compliments

Example

• ”When you look into my room without knocking at the door, I feel that you do not trust me. I wish that next time you will knock at the door”

Message in “I” form

• It means that I will say in a way that is sincere and direct about…

• Behavior- what I see or hear• Feelings- what I feel when I see or hear

this• Consequences- why I react so, what I

wish to see happen in stead

• By describing in the I mentioned so far, you enable the other person to understand your message

• You should be honest and straight-forward when you give feedback

• Make sure that you do not send so called ”mixed signals”!

Feedback or how to criticize or give compliments

Some examples of good feedback – give your opinion please!

• “You are an idiot!”– Do not say what he IS; say what he has done

• “Everybody says that you leave the hospital early on Fridays”– Do not say “Everybody”; If possible, use “I”

• “When you interrupt me when I am sitting and writing, I feel angry”.– Nice feedback

• “You are excellent!”– Do not say what he IS, say what he has done

• You make me jealous when you travel with her– Better: I become jealous when…..

Some examples of good feedback – give your opinion please!

Rosenberg, Marshall B.