Dan's Papers August 10, 2012

134
THIS WEEK’S DIGITAL EDITION OF IS SPONSORED BY

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Dan's Papers August 10, 2012 Issue

Transcript of Dan's Papers August 10, 2012

  • THIS WEEKS DIGITAL EDITION OF

    IS SPONSORED BY

  • Talon Air, the Northeasts premier on-demand charter operator proudly offers its own Triad service including Fixed Wing, Rotor and Amphib Aircraft. Any aircraft, Any mission, Any time.

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    Talon Air. Work to weekend in 30 minutes.Fly NYC to the Hamptons in our Sikorsky Helicopter, Grand Caravan or Caravan Amphib Aircraft.

  • See it, hear it, feel it, touch it . . .Introducing the New Crescendo Experience Center.

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  • ON SEPTEMBER 10, 2012ONE NEW SCHOOL AND OVER 700 NEW MINDSWILL OFFICIALLYOPEN.

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  • DATE: FRIDAY 8/10/12 CLIENT: Sleepys FILE: AD: 2012 ROP SEALY SALE PUBLICATION: DANS PAPERS FP 4C SIZE: 9.38 x 12.25

    WAINSCOTT 328 Montauk Hwy. (Opposite Georgica Restaurant) 631-329-0786SOUTHAMPTON 58-60 Hampton Road (Near Aboffs) 631-204-9371SOUTHAMPTON 850 North Hwy/Country Rd 39 (Opp True Value Hardware) 631-283-2470HAMPTON BAYS 30 Montauk Highway (Hampton Bays Town Center) 631-723-1404BRIDGEHAMPTON 2099 Montauk Hwy (Opposite Bridgehampton Commons) 631-537-8147

    RIVERHEAD 1180 Old Country Rd. Rte 58 (Near Target Center) 631-727-7058RIVERHEAD 1440 Old Country Rd. (Near Best Buy) 631-369-4297RIVERHEAD OUTLET 1199 Rte 58 (Corner of Harrison Ave., Opp.Taco Bell) 631-727-6250Clearance Merchandise Avail. Visit our many other locations in Manhattan and Long Island

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    Valid on purchases of $1200 min/12 mos (terms may vary, see store for details), $2400 min/24 mos, $3600 min/36 mos, $4800 min/48 mos, Tempur GrandBed/60mos, made between 8/8/12 and 8/12/12 on Sleepys credit card account. Equal monthly payments required throughout promo period. No interest will beassessed if all min. monthly payments on account, including debt cancellation, are paid when due. If account goes 60 days past due, promo may be terminated

    early and standard account terms will apply. As of 4-18-12, Purchase APR 29.99%; Penalty APR 29.99%. Existing cardholders refer to your current credit agreement for rates and terms. Min. interest $2.Subject to credit approval. Photos are for illustration purposes only. Not responsible for typographical errors. Previous sales do not apply. All models available for purchase and may not be on display.

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 7

    M A N H A T T A N | B R O O K LY N | Q U E E N S | L O N G I S L A N D | T H E H A M P T O N S | T H E N O R T H F O R K | R I V E R D A L E | W E S T C H E S T E R / P U T N A M | F L O R I D A

    ASKELLIMAN.COM

    FOR GUIDANCE AND INSIGHT ON ALL THINGS REAL ESTATE, PUT THE POWER OF ELLIMAN TO WORK FOR YOU. ASKELLIMAN.COM

    2012 BRER Affiliates Inc. an independently owned and operated broker member of BRER Affiliates Inc. Prudential, the Prudential logo and the Rock symbol are registered service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities, registered in many jurisdictions worldwide. Used under license with no other affiliation with Prudential. Equal Housing Opportunity. All material presented herein is intended for information purposes only. While, this information is believed to be correct, it is represented subject to errors, omissions, changes or withdrawal without notice. All property information, including, but not limited to square footage, room count, number of bedrooms and the school district in property listings are deemed reliable, but should be verified by your own attorney, architect or zoning expert.

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 12-2PM 260 Dune Rd Apt 88, Westhampton Beach | $860,000 Year-round community, pool and tennis comes with this 2-bedroom 2-bath Condo. Web# H41998. Michael Santo 631.288.6244

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 12-1:30PM 41 N. Columbine Ave, Hampton Bays | $549,000 | This home features formal dining, eat-in kitchen, family room with French doors, and pool. Web# H30318. Kathleen Warner 631.723.4326

    CRANBERRY HOLE ROAD Amagansett | $1,675,000 | Designers retreat on an enchanting property, 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, chefs kitchen, garden courtyard. Summer out buildings surround a heated Gunite pool. Featured in Homes & Cottages. Web# H10985. Lori Barbaria 516.702.5649 [email protected]

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 1-2:30PM Montauk | $1,750,000 | This crisp Modern home sits high on a hill offering oceanviews and situated on 1.2 acres it ensures complete privacy. Web# H30134. Telly Karoussos 631.267.7338

    A REAL WINNERHampton Bays | $349,000 | In the Tiana Shores beach community. Features 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, fireplace. Mature landscaping, serene yard. F# 79228. Ann Pallister 631.723.4311

    VIEWS, VIEWS, UNFORGETTABLE VIEWSMontauk | $739,000 | A 3-bedroom, 2-bath home on a quiet street. Deck, private yard, basement, 2-car garage, room for expansion. Web# H24707.Jan Nelson or Susan Ceslow 631.668.6565

    OPEN HOUSE SUN. 8/12 | 11:30AM-1PM78 Crystal Dr, East Hampton | $599,000 New to the market, this charming Cape is situated on a private .37-acre property. Web# H55698. Jordan Daniel 631.267.7307

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 10AM-12PM & SUN. 8/12 | 1-3PM | 96 Lake Drive Southampton | $529,000 | Renovated 3-bedroom, 1.5-bath home with waterviews, third from beach, sunken living room, granite kitchen/dining area, room for pool/expansion. Web# H23308. Diane West 631.718.344.3241

    OPEN HOUSE SUN. 8/12 | 11AM-1PM14 Michaels Way, Westhampton Beach | $2,999,000 | Custom designed home located in the Country Club Section. Web# H54426. Jon Holderer 631.288.6244 x216 | Kent Rydberg 631.288.6244

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 10:30AM-1PM6 Last Ln, Hampton Bays | $3,700,000Waterfront prime location with dock and 189 ft of bulkheading offers 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, an additional guest suite, full basement, seperate cottage with heated pool and 2-car garage on 1.98 acres. Web# H22495. Codi Garcete 516.381.1031

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 11AM-1PM58 Rutland Rd, East Hampton $445,000 | This 3-bedroom, 2-bath Contemporary is set up perfectly as a home for all seasons. Web# H34830.Ronnie Manning 631.267.7367

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 12-1:30PM31 Ditch Plains Road, Montauk $995,000 | Montauk Surf Cottage close to beach, on nearly 1 acre with permits in place to build a new 2,500-sf house. Web# H32550. Lili Elsis 631.267.7305

    BELL ESTATE AMAGANSETTAmagansett | $1,295,000 | Postmodern 4-bedroom, 4-bath home located in the coveted Bell Estate. Light-filled living room with cathdral ceiling, dining room with fireplace, eat-in kitchen with new appliances. Web# H0157750. Victoria Van Vlaanderen 631.537.5900

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 10:30AM-12PM & SUN. 8/12 | 1-3PM | 44 Jefferson St, Sag Harbor | $550,000 The convenience of a Condo without the monthly charges. Newly renovated. Web# H32507. Richard Kudlak 631.725.0200

    PRIVATE ACRE IN WATER MILLWater Mill | $1,295,000 | Wonderful home with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, updated kitchen, living room with vaulted ceiling and heated pool. Web# H44811. Kathi Scannelli 631.204.2759

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 12-3 PM 239 Oneck Lane, Westhampton Beach | $3,950,000 | Pool, tennis and your private dock to open bay Every boaters dream. In the Village, close to all, sits this private 6 bedroom Modern on a sprawling 3-acre parcel. Web# H33425. Lynn November 631.680.4111

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11| 3-4:30PM 466 Toppings Path, Sagaponack $639,000 | This 4-bedroom, 1-story Sagaponack gem offers a heated pool and room for expansion if desired. Minutes to ocean beaches, and villages. Web# H55179. Cynthia Barrett 631.537.6069 | 917.865.9917

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11| 12:30-2PM11 Henry St. Sag Harbor $2,695,000 | A Greek Revival with 4 bedrooms 3,600 sf. Original details, chefs kitchen, formal dining room, veranda. Barn in rear. Purchase the house next door and have a compound $4.9M. Web# H30189. Lori Barbaria 516.702.5649 | [email protected]

    GRAND WITH SWEEPING LIGHT60 Sutton Pl South | $675,000 Exceptional 1-bedroom, 1-bath home boasting oversized windows, dining room, and living room that feature a wall of floor-to-ceiling glass. Enjoy views of the gardens and river from the terrace. Web# 1506816. Richelle Spindell, SVP 212.891.7643 | 917.846.2684

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 11AM-12PM73 Scotline Dr, Sagaponack $2,395,000 | Features 3,700 sf, 5 bedrooms, CAC,1.5 acres. Heated pool, screened porch, 2-car garage. Web# H44660. Lori Barbaria 516.702.5649 [email protected]

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 8 August 10, 2012

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 9

    M a n h a t t a n | B r o o k ly n | Q u e e n s | l o n g I s l a n d | t h e h a M p t o n s | t h e n o r t h F o r k | r I v e r d a l e | W e s t c h e s t e r / p u t n a M | F l o r I d a

    askellIMan.coM 2012 BRER Affiliates Inc. an independently owned and operated broker member of BRER Affiliates Inc. Prudential, the Prudential logo and the Rock symbol are registered service marks of Prudential Financial, Inc. and its related entities, registered in many jurisdictions worldwide. Used under license with no other affiliation with Prudential. Equal Housing Opportunity. All material presented herein is intended for information purposes only. While, this information is believed to be correct, it is represented subject to errors, omissions, changes or withdrawal without notice. All property information, including, but not limited to square footage, room count, number of bedrooms and the school district in property listings are deemed reliable, but should be verified by your own attorney, architect or zoning expert.

    a talent For gettIng deals done.put the poWer oF ellIMan & lynn noveMBer, svp to Work For you. 631.680.4111 | [email protected]

    OPEN HOUSE SAT. 8/11 | 12-3 Pm 239 Oneck Lane, Westhampton Beach

    $3,950,000 | Pool, tennis and your private dock to open bay Every boaters dream. In the Village, close to all, sits this private 6

    bedroom Modern on a sprawling 3-acre parcel. Spacious entertaining areas

    throughout, soaring ceiling, natural light and much more. Heated pool and spa, tennis

    court plus a private dock to open bay. Co-Exclusive. Web# H33425.

    EXPANSIVE VISTAS BEYOND THE BAYQuogue Dune Road | $4,450,000 | If you love water views from every angle, than this is the ideal location for you. This breathtaking, 5-bedroom, 6.5-bath Contemporary features an open floor plan, including formal living room with wood burning fireplace, soaring ceilings, open gourmet kitchen, heated pool and a dock. Exclusive. Web# H41390.

    QUOGUE DUNE ROAD BAYFRONT OPPORTUNITY ON OVER 1 ACREQuogue | $2,995,000 | Late 60s style bay front 3-bedroom, 3-bath home features an open floor plan with great water view patio off the living room. Spend your summer in this rustic uncomplicated home. Perfect As is or a nice Canvas to custom build your Hamptons home. Co-Exclusive Web# H12824.

    open house

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 10 August 10, 2012

    Media Sponsors

    Westhampton Beach PAC Season Sampler!

    Trigger HippyNew Generation Jamband...

    AUGUST 11

    Wynton Marsalis Quintet

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    AUGUST 19Generously sponsored in part by Emilie & Michael Corey

    Deborah VoigtThe Reigning Queen of Dramatic Sopranos...

    AUGUST 18Generously sponsored by Donna & Marvin Schwartz

    k.d. lang and The Siss Boom Bang

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    AUGUST 12

    Larry Chance and The Earls

    Co-staring Jay Siegels TokensMusic that Defines the Doo Wop Era...SEPTEMBER 1

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    Joe Jackson &The Bigger Band

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    John PinetteBig Man On The Comedy Scene...

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    Rita WilsonSensational Hits from theSixties and Seventies...

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    John Hiatt &The Combo

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    AUGUST 25Generously sponsored by Maggie Gilliam

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 11

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    SEPTEMBER 29

    Be Our Guest GalaAUGUST 17

    Cocktail Party at 6pm - Dinner at 8pm$250 - cocktails & dinner $150 - cocktails onlyThe Advisory Council of the Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center hosts its third annual Be Our Guest Gala Fundraiser on Friday, August 17th. Join us for sumptuous cocktails and hors doeuvres at the home of Kristin & John Miller in Quogue, NY a magnificent six acre property boasting 180 water views and a panoramic view of the sunset. With live entertainment and cocktails in abundance, well celebrate the summers most elegant affair.

    18335_right

  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 12 August 10, 2012

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 13

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 14 August 10, 2012

    VOLUME LII NUMBER 21

    This issue is dedicated to Notus, the south wind and bringer of late summer storms

    39 Hurricane Alert by Dan RattinerDans Papers advises all citizens what to do if a hurricane comes. Read this for tips on how to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm. There are protocols in place that you may not know about.

    31 South O the HighwayAll the latest Hamptons celebrity news.

    33 Hamptons Subwayby Dan Rattiner

    34 Police Blotterby David Lion RattinerAll the news thats not fit to print on the East End. Featuring Shelter Island.

    37 PAGE 27Your route to where the beautiful people play.

    43 Health Care Solutionsby Mr. SneivMy plan for affordable health care: Get vets involved

    47 Rooster Shouts Outby Dan RattinerThe days of chickens and eggs and roosters and hens are over?

    47 People on the Ferryby Alexandra AndreassenPeconic Bay Water Jitney ridership is on the rise

    49 The Best of the Bestby Carolina KaledaIts here again!

    52 Montauk Indian Museumby Nanci E. LaGarenneComing soon to The End

    53 New Winery Lawby Alexandra AndreassenCheers for New York State farm wineries and craft breweries

    55 Hurricane Preparednessby Alexandra AndreassenTips for hurricane season

    57 20 Years Agoby Dan RattinerA story from the July 31, 1992 issue of Dans Papers

    59 Riverhead Risingby Kelly Ann KriegerRevitalizing downtown

    guest essay61 Firstsby Ross PerlinEntry from the Dans Papers Literary Prize Competition

    whos here63 Susan Breitenbachby Kelly Ann KriegerReal Estate Broker

    65 Allan Kronzek to Performby Carolina KaledaComing to RML on Monday

    20 something66 Olympic Disappointmentby David Lion RattinerSecond place is first loser

    cover artist67 Daniel Polleraby Marion Wolberg Weiss

    dr. gadget68 Twitter Breakdownby Matthew ApfelOlympic ettiquette for Twitter

    sheltered islander69 Bothersome Bambooby Sally FlynnWhat to do when youre bamboozled

    10 minute golf70 Olympics Golfingby Darren deMailleComing to the Rio Games

    71 News Briefs72 Dans Goes To...

    41 Werewolf Huntby Dan RattinerA long time ago, I named a road Werewolf Path, and I wrote about it in Still in the Hamptons. But now I cant find it. What has become of Werewolf Path? Why did I name it that? What was there before it?

    41 If You Want to Cheat, Pick the Right Sportby Dan RattinerTwo badminton players from China were kicked out of the Olympics for intentionally trying to lose a game. If youre going to throw a game, pick something less obvious like baseball!

    41 Artists-Writersby David Lion RattinerThe 64 year old softball game is August 18. Dan and David Rattiner will be there along with some of the Hamptons most well-known celebrities. Its a family-friendly, fiercely competitive rivalry. Cant wait.

    40

    august 10 , 2012

  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 15

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 16 August 10, 2012

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 17

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 18 August 10, 2012

    Responsibly Green,Elegantly Glenwood

    The finest Manhattan rentals in the neighborhood of your choice.

    GLENWOODUPTOWN LUXURY LEASING OFFICE 212-535-0500DOWNTOWN LUXURY LEASING OFFICE 212-430-5900

    Equal Housing Opportunity

    CONTINUED

    122 The Long and Short of the Rental Seasonby Evan ReevesNew trends in rental periods

    124 Everything Over A MillionThis weeks hot sales

    29 Luxury Liner106 Service Directory118 Classifieds

    79 Many Escape from Montaukby Kate MaierRecap of Escape to Montauk

    art commentary80 Roy Nicholson at the Four Seasonsby Marion Wolberg WeissEast End artist showcases at famed New York restaurant

    by the book80 The Trials of a Lawyerby Joan BaumReview: Suzys Case by Andy Siegel

    82 Reviving Jazz Jam Sessionsby Robert SforzaJazz is alive and well on the East End

    83 Irma Vepby Joan BaumOpens this season for the Mulford Repertory Theatres 2012 season

    84 Rock and Folk Festby Nick ChowskeComes to the North Fork

    85 Art for All at the Chrysalis Galleryby Evan ReevesChrysalis Gallery continues to provide personalized sales

    86 Salt of the Seaby Joan BaumReview: Salt of the Sea shows in Montauk

    97 Art Calendar

    88 What to Put in Your Beach Bag Nowby Sharon FeiereisenTips for August beach days

    shop til you drop89 Summertime and the Shopping is Easyby Kendra Sommers

    whispers97 Shopping with the Starsby Gina Glickman-Giordan

    east end kid98 Carnival Funby Emily Hart Post

    94 Calendar94 Letters to the Editor97 Nightlife Calendar98 Kids Calendar

    90 Whats Old Can be New Againby Kate MaierMontauks new Antique Lumber Company

    east end nest91 DIY Creative Cabinet Restorationby Tamara Matthews-StephensonFreshen up your kitchen

    view from the garden92 Gladiolas in Bloomby Jeanelle MyersEnhance your summer with a vibrant gladiola

    92 Use Solar Power and Saveby Jean-Pierre Clejan and Alex McNearEnergy savings and solar power

    158 County Road 39 Southampton, NY 11968 631-537-0500 Classified Phone 631-537-4900 Classified Fax 631-287-0428Dans Paper was founded in 1960 by Dan Rattiner and is the first free resort newspaper in America.

    74 North Fork Baker Offers Healthier Sweetsby Genevieve HorsburghCrumb DeLites available at Raphael Vineyards

    76 North Fork Calendar

    mon talk76 Chillaxin at Ditch Plainsby Kate MaierAdventures at the Turf Truck

    77 Montauk South O the HighwayAll the latest celebrity news at The End.

    78 Montauk Calendar

    side dish103 Local Seafood and More

    104 Restaurant Review: Southampton Social Clubby Kelly Laffey

    dining out105 Guide to Local Favorites

    north fork

    99 New Chef at Race Laneby Dan RattinerChef Nimesh Maharjan comes to East Hampton from Nepal

    100 Restaurant Review: Osteria Salinaby Stacy Dermont

    simple art of cooking102 Summer Corn in Seasonby Silvia LehrerSummer Vegetable Saute; Tacos with Sauteed Summer Vegetables; Corn, Sugar Snap Peas and Lobster Salad

    house and home

    lifestylearts & entertainment

    real estatedining

    montauk

  • Responsibly Green,Elegantly Glenwood

    The finest Manhattan rentals in the neighborhood of your choice.

    GLENWOODUPTOWN LUXURY LEASING OFFICE 212-535-0500DOWNTOWN LUXURY LEASING OFFICE 212-430-5900

    Equal Housing Opportunity

  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 20 August 10, 2012

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 24 August 10, 2012

    holiDAyS iN AUGUST ThAT yoU mAy NoT hAvE hEARD of

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    a. make bamboo fishing rodsb. play escape from bamboo islandc. watch friendsd. fashion a bamboo garbage picker-upper

    69

    7.

    4.

    Which iS WoRSE?1.

    mistdrizzlepitter patterdownpourraining cats and dogshouse blew away

    BadmintonVery BadmintonVery, very BadmintonVery, very, very BadmintonPretty Good Minton

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    8. WhAT To Do WhEN yoURE bAmboozlED?

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    Pag

    e 6

    9

    WhoS hERE? A REAl

    Dan RattinerAlec BaldwinMichael FeuersteinDavid Rattiner

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    See

    Pag

    e 7

    3

    Stickers as shown above have begun appearing in the windows of some nightclubs in Montauk. Why they would target Dans Papers, or, in particular, me, I dont know. What do they have against us? This is the most flagrant violation of civil rights ever, since the two of us represent the smallest minority imaginable in America. I think its against the law. On Sunday, an article about the stickers appeared in the New York Times. According to the Times, this sticker is not to keep me out, but to keep Hipsters, identically dressed counterculture twentysomethings who wear, among other things, a hat like mine, out. So this is not about Dans Papers. Well need a notarized letter informing us of that.

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    No hiPSTERS

    See

    Pag

    e 7

    0

    See Page 39

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    @ryanlochte: had some ups and downs this olympics but bringing 5 olympic medals back to #usa now time to cheer for #usa #Jeah

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 25

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 26 August 10, 2012

    Savor the Flavors of the East End at the Third-Annual

    Saturday, August 25, 2012 Hampton Classic Horse Show, Bridgehampton

    The Festival Tasting30 top regional chefs, local farmers and food artisans40 Long Island winemakers, more than 200 world-class wines

    including not-yet-released barrel samples

    6 p.m. to 9 p.m.; Vin-IP entry, 5 p.m.

    General Admission: $125; $150 after August 11 and at the door (if available)

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    Vin-IP Admission: $250

    Sponsored by: Benefiting:

    Organized by:

    WINERIESAnthony Nappa WinesBaiting Hollow Farm VineyardBedell CellarsBoukCastello di BorgheseChanning Daughters WineryClovis PointComtesse ThrseCorey Creek VineyardsDiliberto WineryDuckwalk VineyardsGramercy VineyardsGrapes of RothHarbes Family Farm & VineyardJamesport VineyardsJasons VineyardLieb CellarsMartha Clara VineyardsMattebella VineyardsMcCall WinesMerlianceOne Woman Wines & VineyardsPalmer Vineyards

    Peconic Bay WineryPellegrini VineyardsPindar VineyardsRaphaelReilly CellarsRoanoke VineyardsSannino Bella Vita VineyardScarola VineyardsSherwood House VineyardsShinn Estate VineyardsSparkling PointeSuhru WinesTJara VineyardsThe Old Field VineyardsWaters Crest WineryWlffer Estate Vineyard

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 27

    Saturday

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 28 August 10, 2012

    CEO & Publisher: Bob [email protected]

    President and Editor-in-Chief: Dan [email protected]

    Digital DirectorEric Feil, [email protected]

    Senior Editor Stacy Dermont, [email protected]

    Web Editor David Lion Rattiner, [email protected]

    Sections Editor Kelly Laffey, [email protected]

    Summer Editors Kelly Ann Krieger, [email protected]

    Evan Reeves, [email protected]

    Associate Publishers Catherine Ellams, Kathy Rae, Tom W. Ratcliffe III

    Account Managers Denise Bornschein, Jean Lynch

    National Account Manager Helen Cleland

    Inside/Digital Sales ManagerLori Berger, [email protected]

    Senior Inside Account Manager Richard Scalera

    Inside Account Managers Kathy Camarata, Steve Daniel

    Art Director Ty Wenzel, [email protected]

    Production Manager

    Genevieve Horsburgh, [email protected]

    Graphic Design Flora Cannon, [email protected]

    Erica Barnett, [email protected] Auer

    Web Production [email protected]

    Business ManagerSusan Weber, [email protected]

    Distribution CoordinatorDave Caldwell, [email protected]

    Marketing & Event Manager Ellen Dioguardi, [email protected]

    Sales CoordinatorEvy Ramunno, [email protected]

    Marketing CoordinatorLisa Barone, [email protected]

    Photo CoordinatorTom Kochie, [email protected]

    Editorial Interns George Holzman, Caroline Kaleda, Laura Sighinolfi

    Contributing WritersJoan Baum, Patrick Christiano, Sally Flynn, Bob Gelber,

    Steve Haweeli, Laura Klahre, Silvia Lehrer, Kait Gorman, Sharon McKee, Jeanelle Myers, Elise Pearlman, Susan Saiter,

    Marianna Scandole, Judy Spencer-Klinghoffer, Robert Sforza, Debbie Slevin, Kendra Sommers,

    Lenn Thompson, Marion Wolberg Weiss

    Contributing Artists And Photographers David Charney, Nick Chowske, Kimberly Goff,

    Barry Gordin, Katlean de Monchy, Richard Lewin, Stephanie Lewin, Michael Paraskevas, Nancy Pollera,

    Ginger Propper, Tom W. Ratcliffe III

    Dans Advisory BoardRichard Adler, Ken Auletta, Barbaralee Diamonstein-Spielvogel,

    Avery Corman, Frazer Dougherty, Audrey Flack, Billy Joel, John Roland, Mort Zuckerman

    MANhAttAN MEDIAChairman of the Board: Richard Burns

    [email protected]/CEO: Tom Allon

    [email protected]/COO: Joanne Harras

    [email protected]

    Dans Papers LLC., is a division of Manhattan Media, publishers of AVENUE magazine, Our Town, West Side Spirit,

    New York Family, New York Press, City Hall, The Capitol, CityArts, Chelsea Clinton News, The Westsider and The Blackboard Awards.

    2012 Manhattan Media, LLC 79 Madison Ave, 16th Floor, New York, NY 10016

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    East Hampton Library holds its 8th Annual Authors Night on Saturday, August 11. Founding Co-chairs are Alec Baldwin and Barbara Goldsmith. Honorary Co-chairs are Ken Auletta, David Baldacci and Dava Sobel. They will be joined by over 120

    distinguished authors including Robert Caro, Dick Cavett, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Katie Lee, Harper Dimmerman and Alexandra Lebenthal.

    To the delight of other guests, Hamptons regular Katie Lee gave an pushy diner a verbal lesson in manners at the Red Bar in Southampton last week.

    Tony Award winner Lillias White stars as Maybelle Smith in Bay Street Theatres world premiere of Big Maybelle: Soul of the Blues. The show opened Tuesday night and runs through September 2, 2012. Written and directed by Paul Levine, Michael Mitchell is the Musical Director with orchestrations by Musical Supervisor Kenny Seymour. You can read a review of the show in next weeks Dans Papers.

    USTA Serves, the National Charitable Foundation of the United States Tennis Association, is holding its first-ever Pro-Am in the Hamptons, a two-day event to help fund college scholarships and program grants to community-based tennis and education programs throughout the

    country. The Bridge Cocktail Reception on Wednesday, August 22 in Bridgehampton, will feature tennis stars Mardy Fish, Jim Courier, Patrick McEnroe and Mary Carillo, among others.

    Wall Street Rocks 2012 Battle of the Bands will roll into the Hamptons on August 18 to raise funds for the Wounded Warrior Project. The Stephen Talkhouse in Amagansett will open its doors to competing acts including The Subscribers, Moroccan Sheepherders and Holiday Electric with special performances by Madame Mayhem and C3. Wall Street Rocks is a collaboration of employees in the financial, technology and entertainment industries who are passionate about giving support to heroic Americans who serve (Continued on page 48)

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 32 August 10, 2012

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    Week of August 11-17, 2012Riders this past week: 20,412Rider miles this past week: 199,998DOWN IN THE TUBERegis and Joy Philbin were spotted on the subway heading from Shinnecock to Southampton last Thursday. Wilbur and Hillary Ross were on the same train at the same time, though a day later. HURRICANE PREPAREDNESSIts time for Hampton Subway to issue its annual advisory about what to do if a Hurricane strikes the Hamptons. The advice is stay out of the subway. If you are in the subway when a hurricane hits, exit immediately, using one of the umbrellas now in place in all the umbrella bins by the escalators. You may return them later. If you cannot get out of the subway when the siren sounds, just stand in a door frame and brace yourself on it with your arms and legs until the danger passes.

    This advisory has been sent to you at the request of our business attorneys Sneakin, Katchum and Sue, who are also hereby informing you that by reading this you are also agreeing that you have now indemnified Hampton Subway and its executives from any damages that might occur to you or your person in the Hampton Subway while trying to deal with a hurricane situation, which you freely acknowledge at this time to be hereby considered an Act of God. Run for Your Lives!!HONORING THE OLYMPICSHampton Subway is saluting the Olympic Games

    by hanging a flag of a participating nation on the ticket booth on each platform every morning. These flags will be removed and replaced with a flag of a not yet hung nation every day at 9 a.m. without fanfare, until either we run out of flags, run out of nations, or run out of the days that the Olympics are to take place, which we think is next Thursday. STRANGE REQUESTWe often allow weddings to be held on the platforms of our subway system. There have been so many recently that we have not been able to keep up in telling you about them. They are between men and women, women and women, men and men and women and men or whatever. We celebrate them all. Anybody interested in getting married on our platforms is welcome to contact Hampton Subway in our offices in Hampton Bays. Speak to Gladys, the secretary there who personally has been married five times on the subway, a record we think, and therefore, knows of what she speaks. NO CAMPAIGNINGWe would like to remind everyone that there is absolutely no political campaigning on the subway system and that includes no singing songs about a particular candidate even if the song is one everybody knows except the words have been changed a little. THE G TRAINStraphangers recently took an Internet poll and voted the G Train to be the most efficient, well kept and on time train line on the Hampton Subway System. There is no G Train and the management of Hampton Subway doesnt think

    this joke, if this is supposed to be a joke, is very funny.JELLO MOLD MONDAYEvery Monday during the month of August is Jello Mold Monday in the Hampton Subways Headquarters employee cafeteria. Our behind-the-scenes cooks and caterers here have found a way to carve watermelon slices into exact miniatures of subway cars, then float them in Jell-O. Congratulations, team. They come in lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit, peach and cherry flavors. The most popular of all, the watermelon flavored ones, they often run out of. COMMISSIONER ASPINALLS MESSAGEMy hat is off to the staff of Hampton Subway who have every day from 6 a.m. until midnight work their behinds off to keep our customers happy and content and not upset about anything. You are a great staff and I am proud of you all. (Editors Note: The subway is open until 1 a.m.)

    By DAn RATTinER

    Along with the New York Subway System, Hamptons Subway is the only underground transit system in the State of New York.

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    By DAviD Lion RATTinER

    THEfTFive employees of a chain retail store in Bridgehampton were arrested for stealing.

    All five were caught taking about $1,000 in merchandise from the store.

    They were arrested, fired and are now without jobs, sort of caught between a rock and a hard place.

    Crime doesnt pay, but neither does minimum wage these days.

    POT AND HEROINA man was arrested after he decided to smoke pot in the restroom of a gas station in Southampton, and it came to the attention of a police officer.

    When the man was questioned, he admitted to having heroin on his person.

    I dont know about you, but these days, hard drugs are just out there more than they should be.

    Heroin wasnt something that was common 10 years ago. WAKE UP!

    NORTH fORk Two men had a disagreement having to do with copper piping began arguing and soon police were called to one of the mens residences.

    The other man simply refused to leave the property owned by the other.

    He was subsequently arrested for trespassing. I guess the homeowner just doesnt like unwanted guests.

    SHELTER ISLANDOld Man McGumbus, 104 years old, former World War II B-52 pilot, and current owner of Shelter Island Hot Rods, was arrested last week for speeding. He was caught driving 296 miles per hour in a 1967 Chevy Camaro down Main Street.

    When he was being arrested he was heard saying to his girlfriend, Ivanka Yevskivsky, a 29 year-old hostess and Russian immigrant, IVANKA! DID YOU GET IT ON VIDEO!!!??? DID YOU GET IT!!?? PUT THIS ON MY YOUTUBE PAGE RIGHT NOW!

    BE CAREfUL OUT THEREA man is presumed dead after crashing his Jet Ski in Mecox Bay.

    After an extensive police search that is ongoing, so far he has not been found.

    There have been several deaths this summer season in the Hamptons involving reckless driving.

    For Gods sake be careful out there, people.

    SEx OffENDER A sex offender in Riverhead failed to register and was subsequently arrested for failing to register. Whatever you do, do not look up how many registered sex offenders live in your area, it will freak you out and youll be scared to go outside.

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    Four convenient locations and the highest quality Cardiac Rehab, Functional Fitness, Lymphedema Therapy, Physical Therapy, Pulmonary Rehab, Speech and Swallowing Rehab.

    Why go anywhere else? Call 631.726.8520 to schedule an appointment.

    Southampton Hospital Hosts 54th Annual Summer Party Grand Prix Monaco This years annual summer party was filled with excitement, dinner and dancing to the music of the Alex Donner Orchestra. The grand event will benefit the Jenny and John Paulson Emergency Department at Southampton Hospital. Photographs by Tom Kochie

    PA G E 2 7

    Benefit Chair Laura Lofaro Freeman and SH Hospital President Bob Chaloner

    Emcee for the night, NBC anchor Chuck Scarborough and wife Ellen

    23rd Annual Wild, Wild West CarnivalIt was a beautiful day of fun for the entire family. The festivities were hosted at the Ross School Butter Lane campus in Bridgehampton benefitting the Einstein College of Medicine. Photographs by Nicholas Chowske

    Chic of the WeekThe Daily Dan hosted a fabu gathering, Chic of the Week, at Scoop in East Hampton on Saturday. Photographby Billy Farrell Agency

    Sandra and Eric Ripert, Celebrity Chef from NYCs Le Bernardin Restaurant, and new Maureens Haven Board Member Portrait Artist Orin Perry

    Vito and Joann Pich, Board Chair of Maureens Haven

    Maureens Havens Second Annual Lobster Bash Maureens Haven, based in Riverhead, celebrated years of protecting, advising and sheltering the homeless, at Quan-tuck Beach Club in Westhampton Beach. Guests enjoyed beachfront dining catered by Scales and Tails, and bidding on live and silent auction items. Photographs by Richard Lewin

    Liz Gillies of Nickelodeons Victorious and Einstein co-chairwoman Mindy Feinberg

    Actress and Bridgehampton native Bridget Moynahan

    Cozy Friedman of Cozys Cuts for Kids, celebrity dietitian Tanya Zuckerbrot and co-chair woman Lyss Stern

    Minnie Mortimer

    Suzanne Murphy, actress and model Cassandra Seidenfield, and Nancy Silberkleit of Archie Comics Stan Baumblatt, Julie Ratner and Sam Esenazi

    The New York Knicks Larry Johnson, and the Cutchogue Fire Departments Second Assistant Chief, Bill Brewer

    Kim Pape, Mayor Mark Epley, wife Marianne and Phil Pape

  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 38 August 10, 2012

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    DOMAINES OTTROS CHATEAU ROMASSAN 2011 Bottle $3895 Case $46740From Bandol on the Cote dAzur in Provence comes Frances most famous ros. This gorgeously dry ros is distinguished by its amazingly creamy and velvety smooth texture, exceptional nose of bright apricot and peach, perfect balance and a wonderful finish. (B2059)

    Bottle $1995 Case $23940 Look for ripe red fruits, with hints of minerals and flowers. This delicious bottle is a perfect, easy-quaffing wine for lunch, dinner or a delicious glass anywhere. (B2305)

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  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 39

    T he peak of the official hurricane season here on eastern Long Island extends from August 15 to September 30, and during that time the experts at the weather service say that more than 10 hurricanes, at least two of them monsters, should come roaring up the Atlantic coast.

    There is a high likelihood that some of them will hit Long Island full force shattering trees, knocking down power lines, imploding houses, breaching the dunes and flooding the downtowns. So you have to watch out.

    Here are some of the things you can do to survive a hurricane.

    1. Make sure that the four hurricane bolts inside the attic of your house are in good order. These bolts, with their attached hooks and steel wire, extend through the roof of your home and go straight down inside the walls of your house to concrete footings below your basement, to keep your house from blowing off its foundations by winds of up to 300 miles an hour. Theyve been required by law in all new construction since the Hurricane of 1938. And you cannot miss them because the hook part is painted bright orange.

    Check these hurricane bolts for rust or any other signs of deterioration and have them repaired or replaced if necessary. Most important is to check the steel wire. It should make a twanging sound around middle C when plucked. If they are too loose, tighten them by twisting the super screws a foot down from the bolt hook. If you cannot move the super screws, get a long screwdriver and place it through the slot and using that leverage, turn them. Dont over tighten. If you do, and you find they are now too taut to twang, call a carpenter or handyman to loosen them.

    2. Make sure you have plenty of flashlights and a good supply of batteries for them in the event the power fails.

    3. As you may know, the East End is famous for its human chain of teenagers who run down to the docks in our villages at the start of a hurricane to stand on all the boats, holding hands with one another to keep any of the boats from flying off, or at least, if one boat goes then they all go. Make sure your teenager has his Human Chain Card, which is available at all Chamber of Commerce offices in the area. Teenagers must be at least 14 years of age, be in good health, and

    Hurricane Alert Dans Papers Advises All Citizens What to do if a Hurricane Comes

    (Continued on next page)

    By DAn RATTinER

    Buy

    Dan Rattiners third memoir, STILL IN THE HAMPTONS, now online and in all

    bookstores. His first

    two memoirs, IN THE HAMPTONS, and IN THE HAMPTONS, TOO, are also available online and

    in bookstores.

    15200

  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 40 August 10, 2012

    complete the one-hour course offered by the Human Chain Society. All teenagers must keep their Human Chain Card on their person at all times and produce it when asked by the authorities. They must also report to the nearest firehouse upon the sounding of the signal, three short bursts and three long bursts, followed by three faster short bursts on the noon whistle (the Morse code signal for distress) in every community.

    4. Years ago, weather reporting was much more primitive than it is today, and often hurricanes hit the area with little more than five or 10 minutes notice. Today, of course, hurricanes are tracked hourly on most TV and radio channels.

    Be sure you have available a portable radio that operates on batteries during this time. Regular TVs and radios wont work with the power off, of course.

    5. You might want to consider selling your house and purchasing a new one in one of the communities that has its own private power generating system. These homes are more expensive, of course, and that is why. Look into homes for sale around Lake Agawam in Southampton and around Georgica Pond in East Hampton. Both of these communities have recently built underground nuclear power plants that attach by wires to all the houses hooked up to it. Its something to think about.

    6. Stock up on plenty of canned food in the pantry. Make sure you have a can opener. Nothing is worse than sitting in your house in the dark trying to open a can of beans by stabbing it with a fork.

    7. Unlike the teenage Human Chain program, which is mandatory, you really ought to consider entering your dog, if you have one, in the volunteer dog alert program. Dog Alert is a privately funded organization which will test your dog to see if he will howl in anticipation of a soon to arrive hurricane. If he does, he will be issued a Dog Alert dog tag to hang on his collar informing people that he is a participant in the dog alert program. The owner of the dog will be provided with a beeper that must be carried at all time that is both a GPS system and an alarm beeper. In the event you hear the beeper, go to your dogs side and stay there. Computers will track the location of all the dogs in the dog alert program, and if there are parts of town where there are no dogs participating, you may be telephoned and asked to transport your dog to that area to fill in the gaps during the upcoming arrival of the hurricane.

    8. Check that you have adequate rain gear for everyone in the house and if there is not enough, purchase a few of those folding raincoats that fit into a bag, enough of them to make up the shortfall.

    9. All windows must be boarded up with plywood in anticipation of the arrival of a hurricane. Otherwise, windows shatter and we dont want that. This year there is a new alternative being offered which is the Batman Window Shutdown system. At the press of a button on a remote control steel cladding slides into place in a circular camera shutter pattern to protect your precious windows. Its expensive, but worth it. Call 1-906-555-5421. Someone will call you back.

    10. You can never have too many candles or matches in the house before a hurricane. Power is out, sometimes, for months and months.

    11. This year, for the first time, a law has been passed that as soon as it can be determined that a hurricane is going to strike the area, all trees more than 100 years old and/or 100 feet high are to be taken down in order to prevent them from falling on nearby buildings. As you hear the sound of chainsaws just before the arrival of a new hurricane, rest assured. The town is protecting you.

    12. Fill your bathtubs with water just prior to the arrival of a hurricane. You will be using it as drinking water unless, of course, a really stupid member of your family decides that someone has been really nice by drawing this wonderful bath for them and then climbs in to get clean.

    13. Also new this year

    Storm (Continued from previous page)

    (Continued on page 58)

  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 41

    I ve been going around this summer in the Hamptons reading chapters of my memoir STILL IN THE HAMPTONS that just came out. Each chapter is about a different person or place or encounter. So I find myself in fields, on street corners, in the woodsplaces like that. The readings are free. Ive had as many as 30 people show up to them. And as few as two.

    This past Saturday I read a chapter out in front of the big white Coast Guard Station in Montauk on Star Island. The chapter was about Carl Darenberg and his successful attempt to

    haul what was then the Napeague Coast Guard Station to its present spot ten miles away on Star Island in Montauk. He didnt haul it over the roads. He slid it across the dunes to a barge beached on the sand at Napeague Harbor, put it on the barge and tried to haul it through Gardiners Bay with his fishing boat. The fact that we were standing in Montauk in front of it affirmed that the project was a success. What was not apparent were the details. It almost became a disaster. The wind sprang up. The barge began sailing out into the Atlantic. Its a long wonderful story and about 20 people enjoyed the telling of it there.

    A second reading on Sunday in the Deerfield section of Water Mill was a whole other story. The chapter was called Werewolf Path. Around 1970, I had laboriously created a road map of the Hamptons that, supported by advertising, could be had for free. I gave out about 20,000 of them a year.

    In drawing this map, using other maps as guides, I had found that many roads were just dotted lines without names. Other roads had names, but they were historic and very complicated names. It was hard to fit Eli Brook to Northwest Harbor Road, or Highway Behind the Pond or Three Mile

    T wo Chinese badminton doubles players were kicked out of the Olympic games for cheating last Tuesday. Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang, playing doubles for China, just couldnt stop hitting the shuttlecock into the net, hitting it too far, not chasing the shuttlecock when it went off to the right or left, hitting it out of bounds. The audience booed them when the game ended. Theyd lost to South Korea in straight sets, 21-14 and 21-11. And the next morning,

    they were called before the Badminton World Federation and disqualified for not using ones best efforts to win a match. After that, the International Olympics Committee met and said they would honor the disqualification. And after that, the Chinese Olympic Team announced it was opening an investigation.

    There was also a ruling at that time that those who had bought tickets to watch this important game would not have their money refunded. Buyer beware was the prevailing official Olympic thinking.

    I think at one time or another, all of us have played badminton. Its not easy to cheat at it and get away with it. Its not like boxing where almost nobody would know if you cheated or not. In boxing, all youd have to do is lower your guard just an inch for a second and youd get clocked. Who would know? And its not like baseball where the pitch whizzes in at 95 miles an hour and batters, even the best of them, get fooled by it and lunge wildly at it, missing by a foot. How can you tell the difference between trying and not trying in

    Werewolf Hunt The Road I Named, What it Was Before and What Has Become of It

    if youre Going to Cheat, Pick the Right Sport

    By DAn RATTinER

    By DAn RATTinER

    (Continued on next page)

    (Continued on page 44)

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    Harbor Hog Creek Road onto my mapbut I did manage it. As for the dotted line roads, I thoughtwho names the roads? And then I thought, why dont I name them? And so I did. I named one Lois Lane, another Wandering Cows Journey, another Uncle Eds Romp and another Werewolf Path.

    None of these names appeared in other maps published the following year. But then, a few years later, one of them that I had named did: Werewolf Path. It was a quarter mile road that connected Little Noyac Path with Noyac Path. So the chapter I wrote about this explained the circumstances of how this had happened and how I proudly thought this perhaps the most meaningful accomplishment in my life, creating the name of a place on a map for ever and ever.

    Werewolf Path? Yup. Theres quite a story about a Werewolf

    who lived there once. My reading, of course, would take place at

    the corner of Little Noyac Path and Werewolf Path right under the Werewolf Path sign. But on Sunday morning at 8 a.m., when I checked the location of Werewolf Path on the GPS on my iPhone, I discovered that it did connect up at Noyac Path, but it no longer reached Little Noyac Path where I had years ago seen it before. It dead ended before it got there. Thus, with about half an hour to spare before the reading, I drove up there to put up a sign at Little Noyac Path letting people know that theyd not find Werewolf Path there. Theyd have to drive about a quarter mile to get to the

    other side of it. Boy was I in for a surprise. I did find two

    women in a car at Little Noyac Path there for the reading wondering what happened to Werewolf Path. There seemed to be a woods where Werewolf Path was supposed to be. So I put up my sign on a tree and told them theyd have to drive around to the other side. They asked if they could follow me there. I said sure.

    But this brought more surprises. Halfway around, the road turned to two ruts of dirt going through a field. We bounced along going through, only to wind up, regardless of what it said on my cellphone GPS, at the corner of what was supposed to be Werewolf Path and Noyac Path, but was instead in fact Old Sag Harbor Road and Noyac Path. There was a sign reading Old Sag Harbor Road. And there was no doubt they were the same road. Somebody had changed my name of it.

    What a stunning discovery. I did the reading anyway, signed a few copies of the book to those attending, and then when it was over, said my goodbyes and drove down to the dead end of Old Sag Harbor Road halfway back to Little Noyac Path to see what I could see. At the dead end, the road continued on, but now as the entry driveway to a private home. A metal gate was shut and locked across the road. There was an intercom on a stand next to the gate where you could call in to whatever house was in there. There were no trespassing signs, no horsebackriding signs, a private property sign. Surprisingly there was a wooden sign with the first and last name of a man whose home it was in there. I copied down the name and asked Information for this mans phone number, hoping that I could call him and learn what had happened. But the operator told me it was a private listing. So that was that.

    This had been

    Hunt (Continued from previous page)

    My handmade map

    Dan

    Rat

    tine

    r

    (Continued on page 58)

  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 43

    F or about seven years now, Ive been participating in the Artists & Writers Celebrity Softball game that takes place in East Hampton every August. It is a fun affair, but it is also kind of sad, because the Artists &. Writers softball game two weeks before Labor Day, signals the coming end of the summer.

    My dad has been umpiring this game for as long as I can remember, every year I get to shake hands with Alec Baldwin and re-introduce myself as Dan Rattiners son, and every year I get to ride the bench nearly the entire time

    while talking with the other writers who kind of suck at playing softball but like being there. You have to pay your dues to play in the game, so I guess someday I will be there more than I am now which is once at bat every few years.

    This year, the game takes place on August 18. The location of the game is where it has always been, which is the Herrick Park softball field in East Hampton. For this one day, the softball field that for the most part nobody uses except grade school kids, becomes one of the most popular places to be in the Hamptons.

    Snapple is a huge sponsor of the event as well as HBO and Dans Papers. People from all over

    show up, and there are places to buy hot dogs, people bring their families and their dogs and sit down on lawn chairs to enjoy the game.

    Whats crazy about this game is that it gets competitive, and this is not make believe theatrics. Its also impressive how well a lot of these guys play softball. This year the Artists have announced that Mark Feuerstein of the hit television show Royal Pains will be playing for the Artists. The Artists captain, Leif Hope, made the announcement on the games Facebook page.

    The roster for the game is very impressive this year, and includes

    I know two things: There is a Health Care Crisis in America and we are all part of the Animal Kingdom.

    If we can all agree on this then I believe Mr. Sneiv can help reduce the overall cost of healthcare in America.

    My pilot program will take place in the Hamptons. Once it has been proofed, the East End will be known as more than just a great place to live and play. It will be known as the

    birthplace revolutionizing the way we deliver healthcare in America. Let me elaborate.

    In May, I had a mole removed at my regular physicians office. The total cost of the bill for the minor surgery and follow-up was $1,854. Shortly thereafter my vet in Southampton removed a cyst from my Australian Kelpies underbelly and the cost was a mere $348. Why the disparity in costs? A mole and a cyst are very similar and require about the same amount of time for removal. These events got me thinking.

    Why is it that a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine

    (DVM) cant offer their services to pet owners? In fact, in some ways, a DVM has to be more skilled than a regular Doctor of Medicine (MD). Their patients cant specifically communicate their area of discomfort and thus assessment and diagnosis skills have to be heightened. Veterinarians also have to be versatile. All humans are pretty much made the same but a DVM may be treating animals that range from two legs to four legs or even no legs. Their patients may fit in a teacup or weigh over a ton.

    So yes, I have a lot

    Artist-WritersThe Celebrity Packed 64 Year Old Annual Softball Game is August 18

    Health Care Solution: Get vets involved

    By DAviD Lion RATTinER

    By MR. SnEiv

    (Continued on page 46)

    (Continued on page 46)

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  • DANS PAPERS danshamptons.com Page 44 August 10, 2012

    18371

    those circumstances? Its also not like football where you can

    slam into an opponent a little less hard than you might otherwise so a runner scores a touchdown. Who would notice? And its not like basketball where, just by shifting your focus an eighth of an inch, you can make a three point attempt at the buzzer bounce off the rim instead of going through swish.

    Game over.Indeed, many of us have tried to cheat at

    badminton, deliberately, when we play small children. Who has not seen a father deliberately unable to get to the shuttlecock when its hit from the other side by his 9 year old son.

    Oooh, cant get it. Your point.Everybody smiles. The son jumps up and

    down.Theyve got a lot of weird

    sports at the Olympics. Curling is one. Taekwondo is another. And badminton is a third. I watched the action at an Olympic badminton match on TV the other night.

    The shuttlecock goes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Its pretty easy to see how all these people really good at it were really good at it. If they suddenly got really bad at it, it would stand out like a sore thumb.

    I think you can divide Olympic sports into these two categoriesone where its a bad idea to cheat and another where its a good idea if the money is right or the outcome gains you an

    advantage.Heres an example of some odd

    sport where you wouldnt want to cheat. Lets say that, things being what they are, door slamming was an Olympic sport. Youd have these big muscular athletes who could slam the door really loud. Then youd have less muscular

    athletes who slammed doors not so loud. If everybody paid good money to go see the world champion door slammer, and when they got there he just slammed it a lot softer than he was famous for, everybody would know right away. And theyd boo and shout obscenities at him and wave their arms.

    Thats why I think it a mistake to try to cheat at badminton.

    And this reminds me of another story. Some time ago, a lawyer friend of mine was just starting out with a large New York City law firm. After hed been there about three months, he announced that, because he had won a spot on the United States Olympic team, hed have to take a leave of absence so he could compete in the Games, which were being held that year in Mexico City.

    Soon, his colleagues could see him on TV at the opening ceremony, walking in with his other team members, smiling and waving to the crowd. He was wearing a white shirt and pants and had on a straw hat, which was the uniform for all the American athletes that year at the opening ceremonies.

    What had happened was this. He and some of his friends, drinking at a bar in Manhattan one evening the year before, were talking about the upcoming Olympic games in Mexico, when one of them said, gee, theyve got all these new sports I have an idea. His idea was that they would find one of these new sports that nobody in America played, form a team, and then petition the U.S. Olympic Committee to allow them to play in it.

    There were six of them up for this. They did a little research and found that one of these new sports was Kara, a sort of Mexican paddle ball, put into the games probably at the request of the Mexicans. Making inquiries, they learned America was not fielding a team for it.

    Aha. They formed a corporation (they were

    lawyers), named themselves the New York Sombreros, and filled out an application to represent America. Four would play. Two would be alternates if the four got injured or something. Then they read up on the rules of Kara, had themselves photographed in matching shorts and shirts with the name NY Sombreros on it, and, on the last day you could apply to the U. S. Olympic team, faxed in the application.

    Much of what turned out to be a one week trip to Mexico City that year involved a lot of waiting around watching the other sports and then playing one match, against Ecuador, which they lost, 21-0. Then they went home.

    Cheating? Nobody in the crowd knew enough about the game to think about it one way or another. That Ecuador team was really something though.

    And no, my friend told me, they hadnt cheated. They tried their damndest. They just couldnt get a point. You could look it up.

    Badminton (Continued from page 41)

    Shuttlecock

  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 45

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    Southampton: 631-283-0002 East Hampton: 631-324-4161

    old-timers and newcomers that include, Ken Auletta, Mike Lupica, Eric Ernst, Rod Gilbert, Walter Isaacson, Janet DellAquila, Greg Bello, Jim Leyritz, Steve Roth, Ed Hollander, Richard Plepler, Scott Hamilton Kennedy, Countess LuAnn de Lesseps, Ed Hollander, Wendy Powers, Walter Bernard, Carl Bernstein, Bill Collage, David and Chris Brandman, Kayce Free, David Geiser, Mercedes Ruehl, Leif Hope, Dave Johnson, Jeffery Meizlik, Jack Dowd, David Bernstein, Chris London, Harry Javer and Liz Wolf, Deb and Kevin McEnearney, Juliet Papa, Richard Reeves, Kendall Veenema, Ronnette Riley, Brenda Siemer Scheider, Breet and Kate Shevack, Lori Singer, Stu and Susan Sleppin, B. Smith, Dan Gasby, Melissa Toma, Jennifer Palmer, Maureen Wilkane and Mort Zuckerman.

    Oh and of course, there is right fielder Alec Baldwin.

    The Artists & Writers Celebrity Softball Game benefits four worthy charities: East End Hospice, East Hampton Day Care Learning Center, Phoenix House of Long Island and the Retreat. The game began as a summer picnic in 1948 and has since grown into one of the most popular things to do in the Hamptons.

    Its just so much freaking fun to be down there and watching some softball under the summer sun. Not only is it a thing in the Hamptons that anybody can do, (you dont have to buy a $500 a plate ticket in order to see the game) but you really get a timeless sense of what the Hamptons is all about. Ive been going to this game since I can remember, and it really hasnt changed much. The arguments still take place, the competition is still impressively fierce and my dad always ends up making at least one controversial call as umpire.

    Well see you all there. We cant wait and GO WRITERS!

    Game (Continued from page 43)

    of respect for veterinarians and in fact, I hold them in higher esteem than MDs. I love my dogs like they were my children. I trust them to my vet. So why wouldnt I let my veterinarian treat me if I was feeling ill?

    Eureka! DVMs should be able to treat people as well as their pets. If they can diagnose and treat a primate, why not a human? If they can set the broken leg of a dog, why not a child? Vets can diagnose a dog with rabies but cant treat a person with rabies? That is just crazy.

    If DVMs were allowed to treat humans, it would help solve the Healthcare Crises. If you are already at the vets for your pet, why not have the DVM give you a check up at the same time? You are already in the exam room with your pet anyhow so the additional cost will

    be minimal. Vet Assistants make less than Registered Nurses so that adds to the reduced costs as well.

    Dr. Michaels, you have a Golden Retriever that has been limping and a plumber with flu symptoms in exam room two.

    Most important, vets charge far less than MDs. The result: SAVINGS.

    Human patients should welcome the idea. I have personally found that the receptionists at the vets are far nicer and more compassionate than at a regular doctors offices. My personal physician has never kissed me but my vet routinely kisses my dogs on the head and scratches them on their backs as well. And vets are not prejudiced or judgmental. They treat a Chihuahua named Bailey with the same amount

    of compassion and care as an American Bulldog named Butkus. Black Labs, Yellow Labs, Irish Settersskin color doesnt matter to the vet.

    Euthanasia and assisted suicide will not be an issue under my plan. Vets are already allowed to end the lives of their patients, if it is determined that they are lacking a quality of life. So if you take your 15-year-old Labrador and your 98-year-old grandmother to the vet at the same time, they can both be put down without you or the DVM having to face criminal charges. This will also eliminate what could have amounted to some very hefty hospital or nursing home charges.

    How come neither one of the Presidential candidates have thought of this? They both claim to love animals and to be concerned about Health Care in America.

    I have even come up with a slogan for my vet, No animal too big-No animal too small-Pets and Humans-We treat them all.

    Vets (Continued from page 43)

    You have to pay your dues to play in the game. So I guess someday I will be there.

  • DANS PAPERSdanshamptons.com August 10, 2012 Page 47

    L et me tell you about the noise. It starts off softly far up Three Mile Harbor Road to the north of my house, a quiet rhythmic sound that I cant quite make out. But then it gets louder. Finally, it bursts out into the open where I can see this situation. Its a big black Lab, his head sticking out of the window of a car, barking, barking, barking and barking,

    What a ruckus this all makes as the car, dog and driver pass my house at 40 miles an hour.

    All other activity at my house stops. And then, the car has zipped by and the barking gets softer and softer. The driver is heading toward town. This happens twice a day, five days a week. He heads south at 8:15 every morning Monday through Friday, and then he goes by heading north at 4:15 every afternoon Monday through Friday.

    I think this fellow works either for the town government, or in construction. These a