CROSS-CULTURAL MANAGEMENT

Building Relationships inCultures That Dont Do SmallTalkby Andy Molinsky and Melissa Hahn

APRIL 8, 2015

Michael has been in Frankfurt for about a week and is really missing his home oce in

Chicago. Everyone in Germany seems to be so serious at work. No small talk, no

conversation about the weekend, no interest in his American background in fact, no

interest really in him at all, it seems.

At rst, Michael blamed the uncaring Germans. But he then started to wonder whether

he was, in fact, the problem. Perhaps if he were friendlier or tried even harder, he could

make some quick friendships to ease his transition. Determined to make this happen,

Michael started to make small talk anywhere and everywhere he could. But these eorts

seemed to fall on deaf ears, and worse, alienate his colleagues, who appeared more distant

than ever before. As he considered next steps, Michael wondered: What could have gone

wrong?

As it turns out, Michael was the problem, but not in the way he thought. What he didnt

realize is that small talk simply isnt as common in Germany where personal relationships

at work take much longer to develop than in the U.S. As a result, Michaels aggressive

attempts at forcing chit-chat with colleagues didnt go over too well. And its not just in

Germany where small talk can backre. In many places around the world, it is unbecoming

to engage in trivial banter about the weather or the commute to the oce, or to glide from

one topic to the other in a lighthearted fashion. In China, for example, people can be quite

guarded and protective with personal information among people they do not know well

especially people they perceive to be in competition with for limited resources. The logic is

that if people reveal personal information, it could be used against them in some way and

lead to a strategic disadvantage.

But what then can you do if, like Michael, you come from a small-talk culture and want to

forge relationships with your colleagues, clients, and customers? One essential piece of

advice is to take a longer-term perspective on developing relationships. If you assume that

relationships and rapport can indeed be developed in a matter of moments, youll

inevitably be disappointed.

In many cultures it can take quite a long time to establish a relationship, and if you havent

readjusted your own expectations, youll likely misinterpret a lack of closeness as

indications someone doesnt like you, as opposed to the natural progression of a working

relationship. In Germany, for example, it can take months or even years time to develop a

relationship with your colleagues but once that friendship has been developed, it is often

a deep, personal, and long-lasting one. With this in mind, you can imagine how awkward

and unnatural it probably felt for Michaels German colleagues to be assaulted with

questions about the weather, their families, or even to be asked How its going? when

they didnt know Michael yet. Adjusting expectations is essential when learning to

establish bonds in a culture where small talk is not the norm.

But even if small talk isnt in your arsenal, you can still lay the groundwork for a long-term

relationship through other means. One way is to make sure your colleagues see you as

someone worthy of having a relationship with, even if its not going to happen

immediately. Make meaningful gestures that demonstrate sincere interest in the culture

and building a relationship. For example, in a group-oriented culture like Korea, where

being part of the group is key, even a small gesture like bringing the team a snack from the

vending machine when you initially went there for yourself can go a long way toward

creating a positive impression of yourself. By respecting the values of the local setting, you

lay the groundwork for a future relationship when the time is right.

Also, even if chatty, American-style small talk doesnt work, chances are that there are

some topics that are acceptable, and certain occasions exist to discuss these topics. For

example, sports is a topic that often translates across cultures and can be a great way to

bond with people who share similar interests. Showing interest in local foods, languages,

festivals, or sights is also a nice way to indicate appreciation for the other culture and spark

a connection. Of course, you should nd something youre genuinely interested in to speak

about; if its clear youre talking about sports but know nothing about it, or mention

cooking and have never picked up a pot or pan, the conversation probably wont go very

far, and it certainly wont set the groundwork for a future connection.

Finally, in certain cultures, the key is to recognize when its acceptable to build personal

connections, because that might vary signicantly across the day. For example, in Japan

and China, its quite common to go out after work late at night and have drinks or dinner.

On these occasions its much more common to make small talk and discuss nonwork-

related topics even with your boss, who youd never discuss topics like these with during

daytime hours. Noticing and taking advantage of special occasions for relationship building

is another critical tool in your arsenal.

In the end, small talk may not be universal, but relationships are. Smart managers realize

this and adjust their behavior and expectations for establishing these relationships

whenever doing business abroad.

Andy Molinsky is an Associate Professor of Organizational Behavior at the BrandeisInternational Business School. He is the author of the book Global Dexterity: How to Adapt

Your Behavior across Cultures without Losing Yourself in the Process (HBR Press, 2013).

Follow Andy on twitter at @andymolinsky.

Melissa Hahn helps people navigate cultural differences in relocation, education,and family life. She is the author of the intercultural childrens book Luminarias Light the

Way (2014). Follow her on Twitter @SonoranHanbok.

Related Topics: ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE | COMMUNICATION

This article is about CROSS-CULTURAL MANAGEMENT

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Ben Ko 9 days ago

REPLY 0 0

Small talk is a good start to building relationships, but only if the culture permits this. Finding the rightthings to talk about in the right context is really important. With HuddleUp Club, we aim to build realrelationships within large organizations. Meeting one-on-one over coffee or lunch was benecial to theorganizations that we've worked with, enabling a more social yet professional culture. @huddleupclub

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