What Works: High Impact Programs for Student Success… A Classroom Perspective Becki Williams
Becki and chuck peterson story
-
Upload
judy-blackwell -
Category
Documents
-
view
224 -
download
0
description
Transcript of Becki and chuck peterson story
About the Author Charles A Peterson is a retired engineer raised in Highland Park Michigan during the 1940s 1950s and the 1960s Highland Park was the site of Henry Fordrsquos first continuous (circa 1910) automotive production facility This factory facility drew a rich mix of ethnic working people to service the factory and develop a middle class within the community The city was established around the factory as a complete stand alone city surrounded by Detroit proper The population was about 40000 during Charlesrsquos growing years
Charles is the second of three sons of a general practice physician and a former school teacher His personal experiences are rich having been raised in a value oriented environment with committed and caring adults
He spent forty years in the engineering profession (WestinghouseABB Bloomington IN Cooper Power Systems Olean NYFayetteville AR) developing and manufacturing products used by the electric utility industry
He and his wife Becki throughout their child raising years focused and worked hard to pass on their values expose their daughters to positive life experiences responsibility oriented attitudes and truly enjoy them
He views this compilation as a puzzle put together to provide his daughters and future generations a written understanding of this part or their legacy history This is one of several volumes describing different parts of his life 2142010
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
Charles A Peterson
2142010
Becki and I have been married for over thirty eight years I have needed to write this part of my life since I started to record my recollections of our family My thoughts have been bouncing around inside of my head for many months Only recently have they come together into a reasonable presentation Our relationship is not perfect but very good The rest of my stories after we met would not have existed if not for her Our daughters would not exist without her and my life would be totally different without her Writing about a spouse is a delicate situation There are many items that should remain within the relationship and still somehow the essence of the relationship should be passed on to the next generations This is our story from my perspective
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce -
My
Be
cki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
2142010
Family Writings Series The Charles A Peterson Experience
The Beginning Years 5312009
1900-1967
My Engineering Startup Experience 11242009 1967-1973
A Set of Family Events to Look Back and Enjoy 12009
1973-1998
My Olean New York Experience 102009 1998-1999
The Family Hand Me Downs 4202009
1900-2009
My Spiritual Journey 11102009 1948-2009
My Becki 2142010
1969-2010
Assorted Four Page Stories
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
1
My Becki Charles A Peterson
2142010
Springdale Arkansas
Table of Contents The Beginning Years 2
Becki on to the Cape 6
The Return 7
The Engagement 8
The Wedding 9
The Honeymoon 12
The Apartment 13
Hawaii 14
Sunrise House 15
The Girls 16
Greenfield Court House 17
Oliver 18
Laid Off Again 19
Olean 20
Travelling Together 20
Fayetteville Arkansas 21
Retirement 22
I decided to write a selected history of my relationship with my wife Becki My stories could not be complete without discussing this very
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
2
special person in my life The first obstacle I encountered was what to use as a title I bantered through several titles ldquoMy Beckirdquo just seemed to fit It certainly is not true that I own her or would profess to control her She certainly is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way I think of us sort of belonging to each other If she were to write a book about our relationship I have no idea what title she would use My thought would be that it could be titled ldquoMy Chuckrdquo but it should be from my perspective whatever she would choose I really have no idea of why we ended up together I am and have been for most our married life very happy about our relationship It has been like all long term relationships had its ups and downs As I look back I am pretty well pleased at what I remember as biased as it might be that we got together and have been committed to each other for these many years I look at our daughters Heather and Mikki Mikkirsquos husband Judd and our two granddaughters Kaitlyn and Mia and this just reinforces my pleasurable memories
The Beginning Years It all started in January or February of 1969 Fern former engineering secretary of the Westinghouse factory where I was working took it upon herself to setup a blind date between Rebecca Ann Adams and me Both Fern and Becki were then working at a travel service that serviced the traveling needs of the factory I was between girl friends Becki was between boyfriends and Fern thought that we may hit it off Becki and Fern were both students at Indiana University Fern was working on a degree in Business Education and Becki a Masters in HPER with a specialization in dance Becki had a couple of student basketball tickets for an IU basketball evening game The arrangements were made for an evening that was far from love at first sight
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
Charles A Peterson
2142010
Becki and I have been married for over thirty eight years I have needed to write this part of my life since I started to record my recollections of our family My thoughts have been bouncing around inside of my head for many months Only recently have they come together into a reasonable presentation Our relationship is not perfect but very good The rest of my stories after we met would not have existed if not for her Our daughters would not exist without her and my life would be totally different without her Writing about a spouse is a delicate situation There are many items that should remain within the relationship and still somehow the essence of the relationship should be passed on to the next generations This is our story from my perspective
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce -
My
Be
cki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
2142010
Family Writings Series The Charles A Peterson Experience
The Beginning Years 5312009
1900-1967
My Engineering Startup Experience 11242009 1967-1973
A Set of Family Events to Look Back and Enjoy 12009
1973-1998
My Olean New York Experience 102009 1998-1999
The Family Hand Me Downs 4202009
1900-2009
My Spiritual Journey 11102009 1948-2009
My Becki 2142010
1969-2010
Assorted Four Page Stories
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
1
My Becki Charles A Peterson
2142010
Springdale Arkansas
Table of Contents The Beginning Years 2
Becki on to the Cape 6
The Return 7
The Engagement 8
The Wedding 9
The Honeymoon 12
The Apartment 13
Hawaii 14
Sunrise House 15
The Girls 16
Greenfield Court House 17
Oliver 18
Laid Off Again 19
Olean 20
Travelling Together 20
Fayetteville Arkansas 21
Retirement 22
I decided to write a selected history of my relationship with my wife Becki My stories could not be complete without discussing this very
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
2
special person in my life The first obstacle I encountered was what to use as a title I bantered through several titles ldquoMy Beckirdquo just seemed to fit It certainly is not true that I own her or would profess to control her She certainly is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way I think of us sort of belonging to each other If she were to write a book about our relationship I have no idea what title she would use My thought would be that it could be titled ldquoMy Chuckrdquo but it should be from my perspective whatever she would choose I really have no idea of why we ended up together I am and have been for most our married life very happy about our relationship It has been like all long term relationships had its ups and downs As I look back I am pretty well pleased at what I remember as biased as it might be that we got together and have been committed to each other for these many years I look at our daughters Heather and Mikki Mikkirsquos husband Judd and our two granddaughters Kaitlyn and Mia and this just reinforces my pleasurable memories
The Beginning Years It all started in January or February of 1969 Fern former engineering secretary of the Westinghouse factory where I was working took it upon herself to setup a blind date between Rebecca Ann Adams and me Both Fern and Becki were then working at a travel service that serviced the traveling needs of the factory I was between girl friends Becki was between boyfriends and Fern thought that we may hit it off Becki and Fern were both students at Indiana University Fern was working on a degree in Business Education and Becki a Masters in HPER with a specialization in dance Becki had a couple of student basketball tickets for an IU basketball evening game The arrangements were made for an evening that was far from love at first sight
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
2142010
Family Writings Series The Charles A Peterson Experience
The Beginning Years 5312009
1900-1967
My Engineering Startup Experience 11242009 1967-1973
A Set of Family Events to Look Back and Enjoy 12009
1973-1998
My Olean New York Experience 102009 1998-1999
The Family Hand Me Downs 4202009
1900-2009
My Spiritual Journey 11102009 1948-2009
My Becki 2142010
1969-2010
Assorted Four Page Stories
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
1
My Becki Charles A Peterson
2142010
Springdale Arkansas
Table of Contents The Beginning Years 2
Becki on to the Cape 6
The Return 7
The Engagement 8
The Wedding 9
The Honeymoon 12
The Apartment 13
Hawaii 14
Sunrise House 15
The Girls 16
Greenfield Court House 17
Oliver 18
Laid Off Again 19
Olean 20
Travelling Together 20
Fayetteville Arkansas 21
Retirement 22
I decided to write a selected history of my relationship with my wife Becki My stories could not be complete without discussing this very
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
2
special person in my life The first obstacle I encountered was what to use as a title I bantered through several titles ldquoMy Beckirdquo just seemed to fit It certainly is not true that I own her or would profess to control her She certainly is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way I think of us sort of belonging to each other If she were to write a book about our relationship I have no idea what title she would use My thought would be that it could be titled ldquoMy Chuckrdquo but it should be from my perspective whatever she would choose I really have no idea of why we ended up together I am and have been for most our married life very happy about our relationship It has been like all long term relationships had its ups and downs As I look back I am pretty well pleased at what I remember as biased as it might be that we got together and have been committed to each other for these many years I look at our daughters Heather and Mikki Mikkirsquos husband Judd and our two granddaughters Kaitlyn and Mia and this just reinforces my pleasurable memories
The Beginning Years It all started in January or February of 1969 Fern former engineering secretary of the Westinghouse factory where I was working took it upon herself to setup a blind date between Rebecca Ann Adams and me Both Fern and Becki were then working at a travel service that serviced the traveling needs of the factory I was between girl friends Becki was between boyfriends and Fern thought that we may hit it off Becki and Fern were both students at Indiana University Fern was working on a degree in Business Education and Becki a Masters in HPER with a specialization in dance Becki had a couple of student basketball tickets for an IU basketball evening game The arrangements were made for an evening that was far from love at first sight
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
1
My Becki Charles A Peterson
2142010
Springdale Arkansas
Table of Contents The Beginning Years 2
Becki on to the Cape 6
The Return 7
The Engagement 8
The Wedding 9
The Honeymoon 12
The Apartment 13
Hawaii 14
Sunrise House 15
The Girls 16
Greenfield Court House 17
Oliver 18
Laid Off Again 19
Olean 20
Travelling Together 20
Fayetteville Arkansas 21
Retirement 22
I decided to write a selected history of my relationship with my wife Becki My stories could not be complete without discussing this very
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
2
special person in my life The first obstacle I encountered was what to use as a title I bantered through several titles ldquoMy Beckirdquo just seemed to fit It certainly is not true that I own her or would profess to control her She certainly is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way I think of us sort of belonging to each other If she were to write a book about our relationship I have no idea what title she would use My thought would be that it could be titled ldquoMy Chuckrdquo but it should be from my perspective whatever she would choose I really have no idea of why we ended up together I am and have been for most our married life very happy about our relationship It has been like all long term relationships had its ups and downs As I look back I am pretty well pleased at what I remember as biased as it might be that we got together and have been committed to each other for these many years I look at our daughters Heather and Mikki Mikkirsquos husband Judd and our two granddaughters Kaitlyn and Mia and this just reinforces my pleasurable memories
The Beginning Years It all started in January or February of 1969 Fern former engineering secretary of the Westinghouse factory where I was working took it upon herself to setup a blind date between Rebecca Ann Adams and me Both Fern and Becki were then working at a travel service that serviced the traveling needs of the factory I was between girl friends Becki was between boyfriends and Fern thought that we may hit it off Becki and Fern were both students at Indiana University Fern was working on a degree in Business Education and Becki a Masters in HPER with a specialization in dance Becki had a couple of student basketball tickets for an IU basketball evening game The arrangements were made for an evening that was far from love at first sight
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
2
special person in my life The first obstacle I encountered was what to use as a title I bantered through several titles ldquoMy Beckirdquo just seemed to fit It certainly is not true that I own her or would profess to control her She certainly is a free spirit and I want her to remain that way I think of us sort of belonging to each other If she were to write a book about our relationship I have no idea what title she would use My thought would be that it could be titled ldquoMy Chuckrdquo but it should be from my perspective whatever she would choose I really have no idea of why we ended up together I am and have been for most our married life very happy about our relationship It has been like all long term relationships had its ups and downs As I look back I am pretty well pleased at what I remember as biased as it might be that we got together and have been committed to each other for these many years I look at our daughters Heather and Mikki Mikkirsquos husband Judd and our two granddaughters Kaitlyn and Mia and this just reinforces my pleasurable memories
The Beginning Years It all started in January or February of 1969 Fern former engineering secretary of the Westinghouse factory where I was working took it upon herself to setup a blind date between Rebecca Ann Adams and me Both Fern and Becki were then working at a travel service that serviced the traveling needs of the factory I was between girl friends Becki was between boyfriends and Fern thought that we may hit it off Becki and Fern were both students at Indiana University Fern was working on a degree in Business Education and Becki a Masters in HPER with a specialization in dance Becki had a couple of student basketball tickets for an IU basketball evening game The arrangements were made for an evening that was far from love at first sight
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
3
I picked her up at her apartment I met her roommate Shelly I didnrsquot care much for her She in my mind was a Jewish Princess with all of the stereotypical selfish characteristics I had met a few like her before The first meeting at the door with Becki did not result in bells and cannon firings by either of us She was caught off guard at our meeting Fern did not tell her that I was mostly bald During much later discussions my baldness at that time caused her to question just how old I was and did not lead to a particularly warm reception I was 25 and had lost most of my hair The men on my motherrsquos side of the family were all prematurely bald I had long before decided that was just who I was and made no pretense to hide what I was We had what I thought was an enjoyable time I did not know at the time but she had another date later that evening We went to the game and I took her home directly after the game at her request I think from her perspective that could have easily been our first and last date I guess subconsciously I didnrsquot want that to be our last date so I took a devious action to extend my future opportunities I snuck one of her gloves in my pocket as I was leaving This would provide a need to see her again In the next day or two I called her and said somehow I had ended up with her glove and invited her out again I had to return the glove and I figured out that a poor graduate student would have a hard time turning down a free dinner invitation This worked and we got to know each other As a single young engineer money was not an issue and filling her stomach and spending time together doing something seemed to work pretty well It turned out to be quite a game I continued ending up with her glove or her hat several times This and the free meals kept the relationship building Looking back I really donrsquot know why I kept pursuing her I enjoyed the game and we did have good times
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
4
On one of our early dates I took her to the ldquoDragon Roomrdquo for dinner This was an inexpensive Chinese restaurant on the southwest corner of route 37 and Tap Road She had not eaten Chinese food before I explained that each of us would select one entre item and they would bring them out on platters We would then take some from both platters along with an eggroll and some rice to complete the process I ordered Sweet and Sour Pork and she did not know what to order It was then that I discovered that her eating variety selections were pretty limited I finally convinced her order the pepper beef I told her that it was about as close to a plain roast beef dinner as one could get in a Chinese restaurant The food arrived and she loved my Sweet and Sour Pork and I ate the Pepper Beef Not what I had expected I made it clear that the next time she could order the Sweet and Sour Pork and I would order something other than Pepper Beef It was a good date and we enjoyed each otherrsquos company After a couple of months Beckirsquos folks came to town to visit her There was some screw up This was a long time before cell phones Becki was at my apartment and her folks had trouble finding us They ended up looking me up in the phonebook and called my apartment We jumped in the car and found them in downtown Bloomington This was the first time I had met them We met them at the corner of forth and Walnut There was an abandon gas station on the southeast corner I was impressed My Mom had always said checkout the parents pretty close because in thirty years she will be a lot like them The question was could you live with that I consciously ran Momrsquos question through my mind and after this one visit any concern about her family had dissipated This was typical of my thought patterns when I first met parents It was a screening process I had used since high school Becki was going to finish her masterrsquos degree in August We were into the end of the spring semester and things were moving on pretty well
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
5
One night I was sitting in my apartment and Becki dropped by in a panic She and Shelley her roommate had a fight and she left I just never developed a relationship with Shelly Becki had started to drive back to her folks in Wellsburg West Virginia and decided it was a bad idea She said that her Dad would have just turned her around and sent her back She decided that she could not go back to her apartment and see Shelly that night so she decided not to try that and came to my place She spent the night and the next day returned to her apartment I was glad that she wasnrsquot on the road that night on a four hundred mile one way trip At that time we were partying a lot very stupidly I had a red Rambler convertible I remember excess partying one night Becki was driving and the top was down We had been travelling east on Kirkwood and turned south on College I was yelling ldquoBecki Adams I love yourdquo and she was trying to get me to stop I donrsquot remember anything else about that particular evening I imagine there was a severe hangover the next morning She was the first woman I had told that since I was in grade school and that relationship was short lived This was a very big step She convinced me to go to West Virginia for the fourth of July I really did not want to go I at this point did not want to get committed to the relationship and go through the ldquoMeet the Whole Familyrdquo gauntlet In retrospect I was a stereotypical guy not ready to settle down We stopped in West Virginia and spent the night at Beckirsquos folks The next morning we got up and drove to Pittsburgh for the formal gathering at Uncle David and Aunt Kittyrsquos home I remember meeting most of the family and finding them to be quite pleasant and easy to talk to A really good solid extended family We took off and went to the Monroeville Mall Showing my stupidity and independence I went barefoot It must have been a guy thing but I just had to do it Years later I discovered I really blew Aunt Kittyrsquos mind She is a wonderful woman but more on the formal side I guess everyone watched her
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
6
reactions I did not know her and did not mean to upset her I certainly should have been more respectful
Becki on to the Cape Becki graduated in August 1969 Finding a teaching job in the Bloomington area was almost impossible The city had a surplus of recent education graduates and spouses of students with education degrees looking for the limited teaching positions She interviewed on Campus and got a job offer in Cape Girardeau Missouri at Southeast Missouri State University teaching dance in the physical Education School It was a long school year particularly for her She was stuck in the Bible belt and her department head put a lot of pressure on her to attend Church and to enforce conservative dress and conduct codes She enjoyed the teaching but not much else We got together every couple of weekends either in the Cape or Bloomington The Cape was a nice family town but had nothing to do for young singles A couple of times we ventured across the Mississippi River into Illinois to get away from the strict rigid confining culture We stopped at a red neck bar and did some dancing Not a real secure feeling place to be We didnrsquot stay long There just were not good places to go as a single professional to relax and enjoy In the Cape there was always the possibility of running into her students or the faculty when we were out I remember her telling me that she hurried over to the physical education building quickly each morning and changed into her gym teaching sweats before her boss arrived All of her skirts at that time were short and not considered acceptable by her Department head Not a good positive work environment for a young single female instructor
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
7
It was a year of four or five hour driving trip each way I was returning one weekend on a late Sunday evening and passing through Bloomfield Indiana I was pulled over by the local deputy I was tired and missed a stop light at the downtown cross road intersection He pulled me over and explained why he stopped me I simply responded that I was tired and if he said I ran it I could not argue with him We sat in his patrol car for a few minutes talking and he only gave me a warning I thanked him for stopping me and waking me up He smiled and I went on my way for the last 45 minutes home At the end of the school year Becki decided that she could not go through another year in that environment She decided to move back to Bloomington
The Return I was not ready to settle down but she came back anyway if for nothing more than escaping the Cape and started working again at the travel service That was the end of her college teaching career It was now June of 1970 She moved into a single unit at Colonial Crest Apartments on the north end of town We were both in limbo Sometimes things were good and sometimes not so good We were both free and doing things together and independently not a stable relationship We had mixed with several groups of people We mixed mostly with the Westinghouse families and the Westinghouse and former Westinghouse singles Westinghouse at that time was a really wonderful family oriented group I was in a Westinghouse basketball league that played weekly and was working on getting a Masterrsquos Degree part time in the Indiana University Business School I had received my private pilotrsquos license and was enjoying flying and my free time
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
8
The Engagement In the spring of 1971 Becki informed me that I needed to make a decision We were either going to get married or she was going to find another option I did some real soul searching for a few weeks and decided it was time to make a commitment Not an easy decision Becki had informed me casually the way women do as they passed the Jewelry stores what she liked in rings as well as some criteria on how many months pay was standard to pay for the ring It may have been casual to her but I knew what was going on I purchased a ring set according to my own financial criteria I was never one for doing what others did by some marketing scheme We were going to go back to the Cape that weekend to see a dance recital that included some of her favorite students from the previous year I had rented an airplane and we planned to fly over to the Cape I planned to ask her and give her the ring during the flight It didnrsquot work out that way I had picked up the ring and just had to do it I called her and said that we needed to go on a picnic that night It was rather cool night in early April I loaded up the car trunk I packed a couple of wine glasses a bottle of wine some cheese or something and a blanket I picked her up and we drove out to the Cutright boat launch area on Lake Monroe We passed the boat ramp to a nice little isolated grassy area that looked out on the lake I thought this would be a good place We got out there sometime after nine I spread out a blanket and we got settled in I then went to the car trunk and got the glasses and the wine By the time I got back she was about frozen solid I asked She accepted We had a quick drink and retreated to the still warm car Not the beautiful event I had planned but the task was completed We returned to my apartment and called both of our parents with the good news The morning after Becki and I became engaged I took my engineering section of about six engineers and brought coffee at the vending
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
9
machine down the hall This was a cultural event anytime something special was to be celebrated in our group Norm Osmundson one my fellow engineers would sometimes go off in a philosophical mode At the coffee machine he rubbed his chin in a certain way and then I knew I was going to hear something deep He simply said ldquoI have some advice for yourdquo I had no idea what I was in for He said ldquoExpect married life to be differentrdquo End of message I questioned him on what he meant He simply said ldquoJust expect it to be different There are no rulesrdquo Over the years I have thought back to that time and he was absolutely right Life was different and for the most part very good
We were flying over Illinois that weekend to get to the Cape I had been working with Becki to get her to navigate for me This was before elaborate electronics and inexpensive auto pilots I had given her the charts and she was supposed to be following them and tracking our path The intent was that she would guide me to the Cape We were in the air about ten minutes and I asked her how were doing She said I donrsquot know The wind direction Flight Service had given me was a little off and we were way of course I had to do some quick checks on the radio and get us back heading in the right direction It was a good trip the recital was very good and she got to spend a little time with her former students
The Wedding I had just gotten used to be being engaged and Becki was already talking about wedding plans and dates I had not even considered any of that yet In my mind that was ages away Saturday August 14 1971 was selected because that was the date we could get a two hour afternoon time window at Beck Chapel on the Indiana University campus
Becki was all fired up about this and I really didnrsquot want to get involved It was her show and I was a very willing participant but didnrsquot really care much about the decision making part of the event My biggest concern was the cost I was not willing to be a financial participant in a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
10
very expensive event We agreed that the wedding would be a reasonably small event Beck Chapel had a capacity of about 70 and the reception would include beer and wine sandwiches cake and ice cream elsewhere
We were not attending a Church and did not know any local Pastors The student Pastor from her small church back in West Virginia now worked for the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) home office in Indianapolis She contacted him and he agreed to come down and perform the service We had to go to Indy a couple of times for counseling before the service I had been away from the church for about ten years because of a schism in my old church and had no reason to get back involved in the political aspects of any Church I told Becki and later Neil the pastor I was not interested in a ceremony that had much to do with God and all that stuff The counseling seemed to go well Becki and Neil basically wrote the short service from a combination of services he had performed before
One of my flying club buddies was an organist I asked him to play He agreed as long I didnrsquot pay him and he didnrsquot give me a gift A deal I could not turn down
All was set and the wedding weekend arrived Everyone arrived and to our surprise we were going to overflow the Chapel Many of our friends came from great distances Family and friends came from typically 300 to 400 miles away
Neil Toplife the pastor and his wife arrived and checked in to the motel He had not packed a tie and his dress shoes They asked if he could marry us in his gopher boots Not an issue He did go over to Target and buy a tie
Shelley Beckirsquos former roommate was the maid of honor Howard Syrett was my best man My brothers Ron and Doug and Larry Jurgens were the ushers
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
11
Howard and I arrived a little late It seemed that the after rehearsal dinner partying at the Regulator the night before was a little too much for me I remember sitting there with me friends brothers and Becki I should have been thankful as I learned later they were stealing my drinks to reduce my consumption I donrsquot think they stole enough of them
The music started and Becki and her Dad came down the aisle Becki said later she was considering keeping walking right through the door at the far front end of the Chapel right passed Neil and the gopher boots She also swore that my flying buddy organist whispered that he objected when the rhetorical question was asked I was standing closer to him and did not hear any comment Besides that I donrsquot know of anything reason he would have to object He barely knew her I think Becki was just having a minor panic attack about the whole thing Then it was all over I kissed my bride and we exited down the aisle Back there I ran into Steve Browning a friend home for the weekend in uniform on Army furlough to see us get married He had travelled from southern Florida to Indiana It was a very nice surprise
We messed up and didnrsquot have a reception line We just missed the whole idea in our preparation We had to move reasonably quickly out of the Chapel as our two hour time slot at the Chapel was close to an end We moved to the Unitarian Church for the reception The reception was to be outside and the weather cooperated
We had one more tense moment We had invited Beckirsquos paternal grandparents to the wedding and reception They were fundamental Baptists and did not believe in drinking at any level He was in poor health and we were surprised that they had traveled from Johnstown Ohio to attend the wedding As it turned out they were tired after the wedding and returned to the motel to rest They had disowned Becki once when they discovered that she in college was majoring in dance He was very strong in his beliefs and he walked the talk
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
12
The reception was fine The sandwiches beer and wine were served The garter and bouquet were thrown The events were over and it was late afternoon
We left the reception and headed back to the apartment to gather our stuff and head east to the Atlantic shore
Both of our families got together that night at the Red Lion Inn for dinner and partied together Dad overdid smoking his corn cob pipe got a little sick and quit smoking that weekend When I heard that later I thought that was good
We headed to Nashville Indiana to spend the night and see Steve and Terry play and sing in the lounge We had seen them many times in Bloomington and really enjoyed their music They were our favorite musical group Our other favorite was Janie Frickie She was going to IU and singing locally in the clubs Becki was still all fired up and I just crashed when we got to the hotel room We missed Steve and Terryrsquos performance I promised that we would return and see them after we got back from the honeymoon We did much later return to hear them again
The Honeymoon We were not prepared for the honeymoon All of the preparation was done for the wedding We were heading to the Atlantic coast for a few days in her dadrsquos truck camper and just going to freelance around Becki had an identity crisis not knowing who ldquoBecki Petersonrdquo was I could not convince her that she was the same person she only changed her name not her mind body and soul Later we learned that it was not unusual for people to have identity issues after being married This was particularly woman who changed their last name It just sort of sneaked up on them after the chaos of the wedding is over
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
13
The Apartment We returned to our new apartment We began to build our married life together She continued to work at the travel service and we banked her paychecks It was the start of a house down payment
There were adjustments Both of us had to learn to live with the other and the different family histories we brought into the relationship We had dated for over two years and had lived independently
One night I was doing the dishes Becki stopped me and started to explain how to do the dishes I stopped in my tracks and explained that I was willing to the dishes but would either do them in my own way or not at all As an engineer I found that her method was not very efficient and I did not want to spend that much time doing something that I really didnrsquot enjoy I have continued to do a lot of dishes my way I think we both won on that one
We grew up raised in different environments and neither was right or wrong just different I learned to stamp horses when we travelled This was totally foreign to my background I kid her about the definition of a white horse There arenrsquot that many pure white horses One can get to a higher count if you throw in a slightly gray one or even a white cow But she never lets me get away with it The idea is to be the first to see a white horse insert your thumb in your mouth then say ldquoWhite horserdquo as you push your thumb into the open palm of your other hand The stamping is now complete The idea is to stamp more white horses quicker than your travel mates
I also learned to jump into states Here you had to judge when you were crossing between different states You had to time when you were crossing the state line and quickly lift up your feet and put them back down in the new state as we were traveling at sixty or seventy miles a hour Both were cute little diversions to pass the time on a long trip
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
14
When we were dating Becki made the best spaghetti A little later I learned that this was the best dish in her limited dinner inventory She grew up in a neighborhood full of Italians and had picked that up in the neighborhood Her cooking repertoire now is very good
I asked her about this once Her mother was a very good cook When she was about twelve she was cooking dinner Her mother kept the big frying pan in the oven Often with some grease in it The story goes that Becki was going to bake something and turned on the oven The frying pan was in the oven and the grease caught on fire Someone called the fire department Beckirsquos dad and brother disconnected the stove and carried the burning stove with the oven door closed out of the house as the fire truck passed the house The truck returned and either the fire was out or they put the fire out That event was the end of her cooking education The house still stands today Today we have her motherrsquos frying pan with the replacement hardware store purchased handle It has a bright yellow plastic handle It is one of her favorite pans I think it reminds her of pleasant times with her mother in the kitchen
I am sure Becki could list a lot of things about me
It takes a lot of work to combine two different life styles into a compatible complementary relationship We had a lot of work to do
Hawaii Becki was working at the travel service and they were planning a one week low cost charter student tour to Oahu over New Year We discussed going and sort of decided against it as we were saving money for a down payment on a house We had been looking at houses I had given up flying we had been banking Beckirsquos paycheck and we were doing pretty well Our plan was to save some money for me to complete my MBA in the spring of 1973 buy a house in the summer and to start raising a family We decided that we would not find a
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
15
better price on a future trip so we went to Hawaii It would be our last fling before settling into a family responsibility phase of our relationship It was a beautiful trip Not fancy We had a corner room in a small hotel about two blocks from the ocean We could see the sunrise over and around the other hotels and over the ocean We slept with the drapes open and had a wonderful time We decided that this would be a good place to start a family It was a great trip and the pleasant experience memories have replaced the rookie honeymoon experience
Sunrise House I had finished my MBA It was now August 1973 Becki was now seven months pregnant and we were moving into a new house The mission was to get settled in before the baby came in late Octoberearly November 1973
We had started looking for a house when we returned from Hawaii We both agreed that we were not going to extremely stretch our budget so we could live a reasonable lifestyle and still make the mortgage payments We had ended up contracting to build a house in a budding subdivision called ldquoSunrise Estatesrdquo It was a pasture about four miles southwest of town There was a circular loop and a single entry to the highway Not a perfect place but within our financial limits The house was built and we moved at the end of August Much was left for us to complete but we planned to put in the sweat equity
The building process was far from easy but we got it done and moved in The house was setup for air conditioning but we had not planned on installing it until the spring to defer the expense August was unbearably hot After we moved in Becki spent the first few days in the lower level shopping or visiting friends That next weekend I took out a loan on my life insurance and Beckirsquos dad Lloyd Riggs (an engineering friend of mine) and I installed the air conditioning Our life and our relationship were much improved
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
16
I remember the first night we were in the house I turned off the ceiling light to go to bed and could not find the bed We were really out in the country with no street or apartment security lights I had to fumble around in the dark as Becki was laughing at me Then in bed we noticed the quiet We could hear the crickets and outside noises from who knows what This was so different from the noises and lights around the apartment It was a new life with my love
That year on our anniversary we had very little money for anniversary gifts We decided to be practical I bought her a cheap yellow kitchen clock and she bought me 150 feet of garden hose At least it was something The clock lasted many years It hung over the kitchen sink The garden hoses I still have We bought them in 1973 and it is now 2010 Good hoses Every time I drag them out I marvel that they still work They were advertised with a lifetime warrantee They are getting stiffer every year I have replaced a couple of fittings but they still work
Heather Heather arrived on November 2 1973 a cute little package We got through the delivery The baby was perfect The delivery was more stressful for Becki I watched a miracle as Heather entered the world We selected the name Heather as a first name that would match with a middle name of ldquoEllenrdquo Ellen was a very close cousin of Becki who died the first year we were married We thought Heather Ellen Peterson sounded good
That Easter Becki convinced me that it was time to get back to Church We loaded up Heather and attended Woodhaven Christian Church She had attended there a couple of times with one of her college roommates I learned very quick that the way to get accepted in a new Church is to bring in a four month baby in a basket There are no social barriers and no bashful people around a little one This was our Church home as long as we lived in Bloomington as well as our extended
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
17
family With all of our families over three hundred miles away Woodhaven was a critical part of our support system
Michelle On May 28 1976 Michelle arrived another perfect package We liked the name Michelle but I had a problem with nick names Beckirsquos maid of honor was a Michelle nick named ldquoShelleyrdquo I just could not look at her and call her Shelly We ended up with Michelle Lynn Peterson and decided her nick name would be Mikki The nick name ended up being a minor issue We agreed on the name but had not discussed the spelling Becki wanted ldquoMikkirdquo I had thought it would be ldquoMickirdquo My mother thought it was ldquoMickierdquo A decision had to be made There was no argument just another decision after a discussion We decided on Mikki This required a little education of others from time to time We got all kinds of spellings on birthday cards This was a humorous detail but not a big deal I had always said that if she pushed to be a Shelly I would call her whatever she wanted Professionally now she goes by Michelle
In my first book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash A set of family events to look back and enjoyrdquo I relayed many of our experiences raising the girls I will not repeat those events here
Through their college years Becki and I worked hard to guide them into their grown up years It was not easy but what we were focused to do Our relationship has grown and ebbed and grown again We were always two different people with separate needs and wants but always came around to the common mission of raising the girls and growing our relationship
Greenfield Court House In 1987 we had decided to buy a larger house closer to Bloomington High School We were planning on putting our house up for sale in the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
18
spring It was then announced that the Westinghouse factory was sold to the ABB Power Systems Group We put the move on hold until we had some type of understanding about my job stability In 1988 we sold the house and moved across town to Greenfield Court All was going well and then in the December of 1989 I was notified that my engineering position was being eliminated at the end of the year This was a major stress on our relationship for a few weeks Before the end of the year I was transferred to another engineering position in a different division at the same site The Greenfield Court years were good years Mikki went through her junior and high school years and started college Heather went through high school some college and later early working years based there The years were full of the excitement of watching the kids develop play sports won and lose and all of the normal up and downs experiences Becki and I grow closer enjoying the positive and fighting together through the kids rough spots
Oliver The girls had wanted a dog when we lived in Sunrise We did not have a fenced in yard and I refused to pay the price to fence in our large back yard When we moved to Greenfield Court we inherited a fenced in yard The girls begin to work on me to get a dog Some friends of ours knew of a family that was getting a divorce dividing up the property to move and needed to get rid of their Dalmatian Mom and Dad had a Dalmatian and she was a good family dog So we picked him up and took him home This was not one the smartest decisions we made I have to say that the decision was mostly mine This dog was crazy and kept our personal relationship and resources in a constant state of flux He brought great joy and then the next minute total chaos There are many stories in one of my books
The dog slept in dog bed located beside my side of bed We slept with the bedroom door closed because the dog and our cat didnrsquot get along
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
19
very well They had this relationship where the cat was in total control but the dog would forget and have to be retrained periodically He would attack the cat the cat would rip open his face and then he would remember that the female cat was the alpha leader That wasnrsquot such a big deal but the collateral damage during the retraining could be significant
One night I was fighting a cold and was sleeping on my recliner in the family room down in the basement That night Becki was sleeping with her back to the middle of the bed and thought I was snoring in her ear She asked me to roll over and got no response So she poked me hard with her elbow and heard this strange gasp She then realized that it wasnrsquot me in bed with her She woke up with a start It was Oliver We were always fighting with the kids about allowing the dog on the beds Oliver with his learning curve disorder just crawled into bed with Becki Snuggled up went to sleep and started snoring like me He in a lot of ways was like raising a kid that didnrsquot have any mental retention We occasionally look back and remember the positive and negative events with him I think the balance was more positive than negative I am not sure if made us stronger together fighting through it or drove us apart a little But we made it through
Laid Off Again In January 1996 I was laid off again Heather was working in the food service world at a good restaurant and Mikki in college at Indiana University Becki had been substitute teaching when the girls were in middle school and was now working at the Stonebelt Center This was probably our toughest time together I was 54 and trained as an electrical engineer in a tight technical niche We had house payments and support for the girls as they were in college and transitioning to the real world There were no local engineering positions in my technical areas I was also running into Irsquom sure some hidden age discrimination It was a rough year Becki held us together I went through some real low times of questioning my personal worth and value She was the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
20
rock This was the first time I had been unemployed for a significant amount of time We fought some as she tried to keep me motivated
Olean It was a long year until I found an engineering position with Cooper Power Systems in Olean New York in February 1997 Olean is located about ninety miles due south of Buffalo on the Pennsylvania state line The transition was long I lived in Olean for about six months before we finally moved Our Olean experience is covered in my book ldquoThe Charles A Peterson Experience ndash My Olean New York Experiencerdquo Olean was the start of a new life together We basically leased our Bloomington home to two married University professors He taught Black History and I donrsquot remember what she taught We gave the kids all the old junk furniture that they had abused and worn out kicked them out of the house and left town It was good It launched the kids and freed us to renew our life together It was now just the two of us in an isolated reasonably small mountain town with a lot of snow We got to know each other again Neither of us had spent any time in the Northeast and we knew that my engineering position would be moved to another site somewhere within a year We were on an adventure We travelled the area and had a lot of fun The kids were doing well and had picked up their responsibilities I had found a small Methodist church with a caring congregation that when Becki arrived we just melted into as our new extended family Life was good for both of us
Travelling Together Becki did a lot of travelling around the whole country with her family as a kid Her dad was a nomad that just had to see everyplace They did a lot of camping My family did some travelling but mostly within a few
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
21
hundred miles of home When the kids were growing up we travelled with them in their motor home It amazed me as we travelled through small towns My father-in-law Kenton Adams would point out all of the sites down to little Mom and Pop restaurants The atmosphere was always positive When Becki and I started travelling by ourselves we naturally continued the same relaxed patterns We just for the most part left our back home daily grinds behind and enjoyed the time together with our new adventures Our Olean adventure built on our travelling history During that time we visited Niagara Falls the Finger Lakes Watkins Glen Toronto Buffalo West Point Boston Vermont New Hampshire Kennebunkport ME Thousand Islands Steamtown and many more sites Basically each weekend we went someplace either near or far We pushed this because we knew that we were going to be in the northeast for less than a year The traveling was wonderful and sharing it together was great
Fayetteville Arkansas In January it was announced that my product lines were being moved to Fayetteville Arkansas early in the year My actual move occurred in June Our move was delayed until then because Beckirsquos mom was dying from cancer The company was very understanding Olean was a few hoursrsquo drive from her This was much closer then the thousand miles to Fayetteville It was a tough time for both of us Esther was close to both of us Becki and Dixie her sister-in-law carried most of the load in caring for her in the final months We visited Fayetteville in February and I moved there in June Becki followed with the moving van in early August to our new house in Springdale Springdale is a few miles north of Fayetteville We again found a good extended family at The First Christian Church of Springdale A few years later we and the Church parted The environment had changed I reflected back to my youth and the
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
22
problems Mom and Dad had in a similar situation We moved to Millwood Christian Church and are very happy there Life goes on and we are together enjoying it Mikki graduated from college and works for Turner Broadcasting in Atlanta She is married to Judd a wonderful guy They now have two daughters that they and we cherish Heather is living near Daytona Beach Florida and working at a golf course and trying to become a naturalist on the Atlantic coast Becki and I continue to travel a lot Since we have been in Springdale we have travelled to Kansas City Oklahoma City Dallas San Antonio Tulsa Memphis Gulf Shores Pensacola Orange Beach Holden Beach Portland OR Redwoods San Francisco Mt Hood Route 66 in Missouri and Oklahoma Bartlesville OK Indianapolis Bloomington IN Detroit MI DeKalb IL St Louis MO and a Caribbean Cruise On our many trips to Atlanta to visit the kids we have stopped at Civil war battlefields Nashville Chattanooga Ashville and spent more time in Memphis
Retirement A year ago last October I got laid off and am virtually now retired I use the word virtually because I am open to any opportunity that may arise I am not interested in going back to being a corporate slave but would consider something much less stressful I got a significant severance package and unemployment for eight months I was 65 when I got laid off Retirement is good Becki has been substitute teaching in Central Junior High and loves working with this age group of students I expect that she will continue to do so for many years Retirement has been and is still an adjustment process I recall a conversation I had with Phil and Cathy Boyle They are good friends of ours Phil was laid off from ABB in about 1995 This was a year or so
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
23
before I was laid off They live in Raleigh North Carolina We stopped by their home on the way home from the beach Cathy was talking about adjusting to having him around the house They were in pretty good financial shape and the layoff was looking more like retirement Cathy had a small out of the house business She made stain glass trinkets that they sold at craft fairs Cathy had her own life style while Phil had worked extensive hours for ABB The first day he was home wandering around he came down stairs and asked her what was for lunch Not a good question Her response was ldquoI married you for better or worse but not for lunchrdquo I think he was taken back a little Cathy went on to say ldquoThat she had developed her life style and was not going to wait hand and foot on him The fridge was there make what you want and clean up your messrdquo Cathy obviously is a very strong woman But her point was well made It was not her job to be a slave for him That conversation has stuck with me ever since It makes sense Also Becki was part of that conversation so I could not get away with it I agree that now we have to adjust our lives to maintain our togetherness as well as have our separate lives in a balance The trick is to find that balance point It is a moving target I was concerned about retirement because I did not have a passion Soon after retirement I discovered writing I started to write the story of raising our girls to give them for Christmas I completed a book and got hooked Writing was something I always thought I might pursue but never took the time to do it Retirement provided the time I write in my man cave It gives me space and gives Becki space She edits most of my works It also provides some conversation opportunities to bring back memories refresh the old times and something to pass down the generations This book is part of that passion
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
My Becki
24
Writing along with Church work a retiree luncheon group attending the Civil War Round Table Neighborhood Property Association work and the neighborhood kids provide an ongoing developing basis for my retirement Travelling and being with Becki are a big part of the present and the future My world is good Becki and I have been extremely blessed Yes I generally make my own lunch and still do about half of the dishes
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
copy 2013 by Charles A Peterson All rights reserved No part of this work may be produced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical including photocopying recording or any information storage or retrieval system without the written consent of the author
Becki My Love Charles A Peterson Springdale Arkansas
12142013
I sit here in my recliner in tears this morning as memories run frantically through my mind Your journey through life on earth is nearing an end That will not end my relationship with your spirit I ponder crazy things My mind is locked into what I should give you for Christmas There is no gift I could physically provide worthy of the joy you have provided me for last 42 plus years We have had some ups and downs but I could not have asked for a better partner to share those years I look around and I have been truly blessed by your presence love and the whole package of our relationship A few years back I put fingers to my laptop keyboard and wrote ldquoMy Beckirdquo 2142010 trying to express my love and our history Since then much has happened I closed that writing with ldquoBecki and I have been extremely blessed I stand by that statement Little did I expect the adventure we would experience in the next years with cancer We knew that at some point we would be separated by death up to that point our health had been very good We were enjoying cruises time with our daughtersrsquo son-in-law and granddaughters Traveling around The house in Springdale was finally the way we wanted it to be We were well established in our local church and community
12
142
013
Ch
arle
s A
Pe
ters
on
Exp
eri
en
ce ndash
Be
cki M
y Lo
ve
Titl
e
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
2
We were enjoying retirement We enjoyed time on the Gulf and Carolina Coast swimming with granddaughters and watching them explore and find new things They are true water rats like Mikki Judd and Heather Just cruising along Both of Beckirsquos parents died of cancer as well as a couple of cousins so the cancer was not a total surprise My Becki is a tough cookie We were fortunate that I was retired She also was substitute teaching with the Central Junior High kids she so loved that gave her the freedom to work in doctorsrsquo appointments and lab testing We were off on a roller coaster ride that came off the tracks from time to time I think we became stronger On December 12 she made the decision with the guidance of her Oncologist and surgeon with my concurrence not to have another surgery and to contact ldquoThe Circle of Life Hospicerdquo She was moved to the Springdale Circle of Life hospice center for adjusting her medications to allow her to return home to spend the duration in our great room with family and friends On Monday she was transported to our home and spent the remaining days there in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace with members of the family sharing the space around the clock In some ways it was a family pajama party with highs and lows each day and many reflections back over a wonderful life It is now near the end as the breathing is more difficult and she rests peacefully most of the time I could not express more appreciation for the care and direction from the Highland Oncology Group or the Circle of Life Hospice for their dedication to help us along the pathway The same is for our family members church supporters friends former co-workers and neighbors that have been so attentive Below is an E-mail chain of my correspondence to friends and family during the last month of her life
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
3
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Surgery was canceled today Becki has another complication with a
blocked bile duct and has become jaundice That needs to be cleaned
up before the previously scheduled surgery With the holidays she is
getting some more testing done and will probably be transferred to
Mercy to get to the right expert Surgery is expected in a few days She
seems to be deteriorating more each day More later
Chuck
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
Mikki and the granddaughters arrived late last night Judd and Heather
are expected to arrive on Wednesday Mikki Becki and I spent some
time this morning (Sunday) with Dr Rogers our surgeon Becki will
have surgery tomorrow (Monday) afternoon about 2pm at the
Northwest Medical Center in Springdale He will do a gastric by-pass
around a large mass located at the upper end of her small
intestines This should allow her to eat much better and maintain a
reasonable quality of life
We appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
4
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM
Subject RE Becki
It has been a mixed week She remains at NWMC in room 2523 On
Wednesday Becki went back into surgery to insert an external drain in
her liver The surgery was successful An additional drain was inserted
between the liver and the small intestines Later the internal drain will
be connected permanently with the small intestines when they perform
the gastric bypass she was scheduled to have last Monday Then
hopefully the external drain hopefully removed We took a step back
with the liver blockage and now are back even She is resting
comfortably under pain medication as she clears liver bile and the liver
regains its function She is a little goofy from the medication at times
and is sleeping a lot during this process It is expected to be several
days before her liver function is restored enough for surgery
Her dreams seem to be working As I was getting ready to leave
yesterday she told me to take the money she had hidden under her
body in the bed I was not aware that she had any money We
searched the bed through the maze of tubes sensors pillows and the
like and found nothing Then she said Gus Malzahn (the Auburn head
football coach and former local high school football coach) had left it
there for me I said that I donrsquot personally know Gus and she must have
been dreaming She accepted that and I left for the day
The family came up to be with her She spent some time with all of
them each day She over the years as her mother did to our kids she
squirted a ball of Readi-Whip in their mouths I sent a can over to the
hospital hidden in a water bottle cover when they first arrived The
grandkids were surprised but opened up wide and enjoyed the treat
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
5
almost as much as Becki enjoyed squirting it their mouths We had a
Thanksgiving with the family (less Becki) and a neighbor family The visit
was good We had about 10 for dinner Great fellowship in the midst of
all of the other They all left Yesterday afternoon to return to Florida
and Georgia
The road has been long and will continue to go where it leads She has
the mental strength and endurance of her dad and is truly a fighter
Thank you for your prayers and positive thoughts
More later
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
6
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
All
Becki is back in the Northwest Medical Center room 2523 She does
have her cell phone We were about to leave for the Gulf Coast to
celebrate Thanksgiving on Friday with our kids and grandkids on the
beach She had a cancer PET scan Thursday morning It detected a
large mass in around her small intestines just below the stomach She
was admitted Thursday evening night She has continued to have
problems digesting foods since her last cancer surgery in August and
remained weak because of a low caloric intake We expect her to have
another round of surgery probably Sunday or later She is resting
comfortably taking nutrition and medication through the IV port
preparing for surgery
More later
Prayers and thoughts appreciated
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
7
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM
Subject RE Becki
Becki had surgery today to insert a tube in her stomach This allowed
removal of the tube in her nose The masses she has in her abdomen
are growing and nothing further can realistically be done We are
meeting with Hospice tomorrow to setup a hospital bed here at the
house and make her as comfortable as possible here
She is in reasonably good spirits resting comfortably in the hospital She
is on morphine to relieve the pain She has not eaten for a couple of
weeks and been maintained on IV nutrition infusions
We ask for continued prayers and thoughts to make her as comfortable
as possible
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM
Subject RE Becki
On Wednesday Becki was transferred from the Northwest Medical
Center in Springdale to the Springdale Circle of Life Hospice Center She
spent two days there adjusting her medications for a final return
home On Friday she was transferred home as requested to spend her
last days It has been a long fight and in my belief well worth the fight
as long as her quality of life was reasonable Nutrition has
been stopped and she is comfortably located in our great room in front
of the gas fireplace TV and outside view in the center of our family
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
8
activities Both Mikki and Heather are here as well as Dixie our sister-in-
law and former hospice nurse to help make her time as pleasant as
possible
Prayers for comfort and good thoughts are welcome and appreciated
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM
Subject RE Becki
Our 2013 Christmas Letter Print fold and add to your Christmas card
stack
Chuck Peterson
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
9
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young
gathered around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The
focus is on keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are
many reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of
wonder and moments of stress each day as the process continues We
are on Godrsquos time and have accepted that
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
10
Merry Christmas
The last almost three years have been very difficult for our family Becki
had colon surgery in February of 2010 Cancer was discovered and we
have been on a roller coaster ride for much of the time since We knew
from that beginning there was no cure and that we were going to fight it
out until her quality of life deteriorated to a decision point where she
would make the decision to call on hospice
We packed our life together with travel and activities for Becki the
family and me to enjoy between medical visits We went on a cruise to
the Panama Canal spent time on the Gulf and Atlantic shores that were
special to her time with the family and tried to fill as many items on
her bucket list as was reasonable The one item we did not get through
was a cruise down the Alaska shore including some touring inside of
Alaska We had that setup for our 42nd wedding anniversary this last
August Two weeks before the trip she had trouble eating and keeping
the food down The cruise was canceled
Instead she had a couple of surgeries and they didnrsquot work On
December 5th she made the decision to cancel the next surgery and
work with hospice On December 6th she was transferred to the ldquoCircle
of Life Hospice Centerrdquo from the hospital to tune up her medications to
return home for the duration She has been resting comfortably in front
of the fireplace on a hospital bed in our great room in the middle of the
action in our home Heather and Mikki our daughters are here and
sharing quality time Dixie my sister-in-law a former hospice nurse has
joined us Becki seems to have bucket list of instruction requirements
and is working her way through them during her waking time The great
room reminds me of pajama parties the girls had when young gathered
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
11
around the fireplace sleeping again on an air mattress The focus is on
keeping her comfortable instead of a party but there are many
reminders of the pajama party days There are moments of wonder and
moments of stress each day as the process continues We are on Godrsquos
time and have accepted that
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is Christmas night Much to my surprise my Becki is still with us
tonight She is gradually sleeping more and more She had planned our
last Christmas together as a family After Mikki arrived Becki started
giving orders She laid out the Christmas dinner menu what gifts would
be purchased and where the hospital bed would be placed in the great
room for her to reside over the duration We had done some Christmas
decorating As soon as we took her home she corrected the decorations
from her bed The placement of the characters in the manger set she
had built thirty plus years ago had to be adjusted as well as the position
of some the tree ornaments
My biggest concern was the reactions our four and seven year
granddaughters I had no idea how Mikki and Judd would handle this
issue They had been out for Thanksgiving and been in the hospital to
see her Becki and the girls had a magic relationship Somehow after
they saw Becki not doing well in the great room bed they had their
family meeting Like magic the girls seemed to grasp an understanding
and began to interact with her We spent time around her bed with
prayers and singing Christmas carols Mia sang all of her holiday songs
including Kwanza Jewish and Christian pieces Mia decided that Becki
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-
The Charles A Peterson Experience
Becki My Love
12
was turning into an angel and keeps looking for wings Kaitlyn was
more laid back
Each day has been full of ups and downs It has been wonderful at
times and stressful at others with a lot of humor and crazy situations
pop up There is no script just living it out for whatever it is Each day I
expect to lose her and each day she just toughs it out and goes on It is
exhausting but with family support here and the community it is also
wonderful I had no idea of how internally tough she was There will be
more as the process proceeds forward Our family has been so blessed
Chuck Peterson
From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet]
Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM
Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
It is now Friday December 27 Becki has been silent for several days
Her eyes have been open her breathing irregular with occasional arm
movements She has finally passed ending for me a wonderful lifetime
with two good kids and two grandkids I could not have asked for better
lifetime partner It wasnrsquot perfect but very good Good Bye my love
Chuck
- About the Author
- The Beginning Years
- Becki on to the Cape
- The Return
- The Engagement
- The Wedding
- The Honeymoon
- The Apartment
- Hawaii
- Sunrise House
- Heather
- Michelle
- Greenfield Court House
- Oliver
- Laid Off Again
- Olean
- Travelling Together
- Fayetteville Arkansas
- Retirement
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday November 25 2013 410 PM Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday November 24 2013 128 PM
- Subject RE Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 01 2013 955 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Monday December 09 2013 805 PM Heather Peterson Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Saturday November 23 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki is back in Northwest Medical Center
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 09 2013 805PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Sunday December 16 2013 1217 AM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 18 2013 800 PM Subject RE Becki
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
- From chuck Peterson [mailtocap000coxnet] Sent Wednesday December 25 2013 552 AM Subject FW Becki Christmas Night
-