from your editor Like My Family, we’ll just keep coming back!
Hello to you all! Hope you’re all well, and welcome back to the Official My Family
Online Fanzine! It’s been a few months now, and various reasons meant that we
haven’t been able to launch the fanzine properly since the pilot issues in November
and December, but we’re back! Bigger, better and… bigger than ever!
At time of writing this, Wheelie Ben (series ten, episode one) has just aired, and I’m
waiting to see what kind of ratings it achieved. But the Harper’s are back! Ben seems
a lot happier, Susan seems… the same, Michael is about to reveal some shocking
news, Janey appears to be going through some sort of mental breakdown, Kenzo is
turning into a very funny, quick-whittled and charming little boy, and Roger’s
nowhere to be seen!
We’ve got a great issue this time round, full of news and information about Series
Ten, which will be on BBC One for the next two months! Hooray! We’ve also got
some great contributions from My Family fans, short reviews of the latest episodes, a
series comparison section and much, much more!
Enjoy the issue and see you all again in autumn, probably!
Kind regards,
Tom Simpson
Site Liaison and Fanzine Editor
OUR TEAM...
Site Liaison & Editor
Managing Editor
Copy Editor
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Head Writer
Contributors
Assistants
Fanzine Design
Tom Simpson
Daniel Lees
Shanice Brackmon
Rosa Kyle
David Jones
Tania Crace
Alan Rusch
Robert Thurston
Victoria Davies
Dan Sommers
Myrtle Smithston
Daniel Lees
Max Benson
OUR MISSION...
The Official My Family Online Fanzine is the
brainchild of Tom Simpson and Daniel Lees, which
aims to allow the fans to voice their views,
opinions and ideas for the British comedy series,
My Family.
Every three months, a new issue will be released
featuring over twenty pages of articles produced
by the fans, for the fans!
Over the coming months, we hope to expand both
the site and fanzine with your help! This includes
regular contributions and the development of new
features! Contact us and get involved now!
contents
02 – ‘The House’ by David Jones. Ever wondered how important the Harper’s house is to My Family?
03 – ‘Abi’ by Daniel Lees. Abi jointed the Harpers in 2002 and left in 2008. What effect did she have on the series?
04 – ‘At a Glance’ by Tania Crace & Daniel Lees. Explore a world of My Family highlights!
06 – ‘Nick’ by David Jones. We take an in-depth look at his character and his impact on the show.
07 – ‘My Family Reloaded” by Tom Simpson. A preview of “Love and War” – the first script episode of My Family Reloaded.
13 – ‘Everyone’s A Critic” by Victoria Davies, Robert Thurston & Max Benson. Vicky, Rob and Max provide a round-up!
1
This page was written and constructed by Tom Simpson and Daniel Lees. Please note that My Family and Images are copyright © to Rude Boy Productions, DLT Entertainment and the British
Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No infringement intended. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page. Fanzine 1.1.
‘The House’ by David Jones
One of the most consistent features of
situation comedy is “the house”. Apart from
the most obvious candidates, such as
Porridge, Only When I Laugh or The Thin
Blue Line, most comedy is based at home.
It’s obvious why: it represents normality and
thus mirrors millions of people’s lives. The
Harper house, in Chiswick – ironically near
Shepherd’s Bush, the location of Steptoe
and Son, characters much further down the
class system than the more privileged
Harper family – is a typically suburban,
middle-class abode. According to star
Robert Lindsay, it’s probably worth a million
pounds, and as Michael pointed out, Ben
couldn’t afford it at today’s prices anyway.
We learn that the characters have lived in
the house nine years. Like most sitcoms, the
house displays a typically three dimensional,
open plan lay-out, with the sofa facing the
audience, or ‘the fourth wall’ as it’s known.
It’s unintentionally amusing to note that
between series one and two, the narrow
hallway between the kitchen and the living
room has disappeared without reference
and the en suite bathroom in Ben and
Susan’s bedroom moves from the right hand
side of the screen to the left.
Behind the immediate sitting area – near
the sofa – there is a rather cramped corner
where a piano is placed – oddly, it has to be
said, because none of the characters seem
to play it. This is indicative of a decidedly
middle-class family where the parents will
want their children to learn a classical
instrument. Probably the strangest thing
about the set is that there is no hallway. Like
a flat, the door opens up to the outside –
and vice versa. This is most likely so
characters who live elsewhere like Janey
and Roger can just waltz in and plough
straight into the dialogue. It also works for
when Ben comes home after a day’s work.
As has already been stated, it doesn’t look
like a real house. Everything which is there is
placed to accentuate light and colour.
Notice, for example, how often the
characters fill themselves a glass of pure
orange juice instead of colourless water. As
any prop designer will tell you, this is to
bring more colour into the scene –
providing, of course, it doesn’t match the
wallpaper! The place looks reasonably
comfortable, welcoming - if you’re not
Roger! – and, most of all, is populated by
larger-than-life characters. But whatever
you do, don’t live there. Chaos will ensue.
The house has two floors, with a carpeted stairwell leading
up to a converted attic which is Michael’s bedroom. Ben
and Susan’s room is on the second floor on the right, as is
the bathroom and Janey/Abi’s room, and to the left is
where Nick/Alfie stays.
Throughout My Family’s history, there are no authentic
locations scenes – whenever we see the characters
outside, the actors are simply being filmed on well-lit
stages. This makes the house all the more important. Like
the flat in Nelson Mandela House in Only Fools and Horses,
it’s the most important set of the entire programme.
Realistically, however, unlike Del Boy’s home, the Harpers
are firmly rooted in a typical sitcom environment. The
house is unashamedly modern and Americanised. It’s so
well lit, if you stand there too long you might catch a tan.
Oddly for a comedy, the windows aren’t prominent – in
One Foot in the Grave, for example, this was what made it
believable and less claustrophobic.
Ever wondered how important the Harper’s
house is to My Family? Ever wondered how the
show survives without location footage? David
Jones explores the layout changes, the lack of
authentic location scenes and compares the
sets to other well known British sitcoms is this
compelling article!
Written by David Jones. Edited by Shanice Brackmon. Page layout by Daniel Lees. Please note that My Family and Images are copyright © to Rude Boy Productions, DLT Entertainment and the British
Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No infringement intended. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page. Fanzine 1.1.
2
Abi and Roger finally got married in series
seven but unfortunately, this was to be short
lived. Despite the usual shenanigans at the
altar, the character did manage to complete
the ceremony, but an unexpected event in
the show’s eight series would split them up,
forever.
Siobhan Hayes had decided that she wished
to leave the show after playing Abi for six
series. Thus, an episode which dealt with her
departure was written, filmed and broadcast
in as the finale of the eighth series. The
episode would see Abi reveal her previously
hidden religious beliefs and leave Roger so
that she could follow God. This ending was
perceived by many as being a bewildering
ending to a character that has never
displayed any religious beliefs whatsoever in
her six years on screen.
Also, since Abi’s departure, the character of
Roger Bailey has seen somewhat, redundant.
His appearance in the 2009 Christmas special
seemed incredibly pointless as he contributed
nothing to the plot.
My Family has seen the departure of many
key characters over its ten years on screen -
the first being Brigitte, who left after the first
series. She was soon followed by Daniela
Denby-Ashe (Janey Harper) who left after the
show’s third series, before returning for its
fifth. Kris Marshall (Nick Harper) moved out
of the Harper household after the third
series, appearing sporadically throughout the
fourth series and making only one
appearance in the fifth series. The character
of Alfie Butts departed in 2009 after four
years on the show.
3 ‘Abi’ by Daniel Lees
Originally introduced as Janey’s replacement,
Abi Harper (played by Siobhan Hayes) grew
into an integral aspect of My Family. The
character first appeared in the show’s third
series and soon became the female
equivalent of Nick in terms of stupidity.
The character of Abi Harper was an indirect
replacement for Janey, as actress Daniela
Denby-Ashe had decided to leave to pursue
projects anew. However, when Daniela
returned to the show in the fifth run,
Siobhan’s character quickly became the idiot
of the series. She continued to portray this
personality until Abi’s departure in 2008.
The arrival of Abi didn’t help the show win
the critics over, with many believing that
another soulless two-dimensional character
had been parachuted in. The character went
on to appear in six series, a total of fifty-seven
episodes! The character brought much
humour to the screens but every now and
then, the laughs would be due to the ‘over-
the-top’ performance given by Siobhan.
It’s actually quite hard to work out which
character replaced which character. After all,
was Nick replaced by Roger or Alfie? I’m not
too sure. But that’s all quite irrelevant really,
unless you’re a hard core My Family fan!
One of the sitcom’s many running gags was
Roger and Abi’s obvious feelings for each
other, but neither of them wishing to make a
move. The 2006 series saw Roger finally pop
the question though – the result being Abi
fainting and viewers having to wait a good
eight months to find out her answer.
The ongoing story between Abi and Roger
was portrayed in such a convincing manner
that viewers would easily become
emotionally invested in the scenes – even to
the extent of shouting at the television
screen! “Ask her Roger! Go on!” As with most
television sitcoms, Roger waited a whole four
series before actually asking Abi to marry
him, forming one of the largest story arcs
used in the series.
Abi Harper jointed the Harper
household in 2002 and left in 2008.
What effect did she have on the
series and how did the character
develop? Daniel Lees looks at Abi’s
six series with My Family.
Written by Daniel Lees. Edited by Shanice Brackmon. Page layout by Max Benson. Please note that My Family and Images are copyright © to Rude Boy Productions, DLT Entertainment and the British
Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No infringement intended. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page. Fanzine 1.1.
5
Written by Tania Crace & Daniel Lees. Edited by Shanice Brackmon. Page layout by Max Benson. Please note that My Family and Images are copyright © to Rude Boy Productions, DLT Entertainment
and the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No infringement intended. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1.
‘At a Glance’ by Tania Crace & Daniel Lees
My Family has broadcast many episodes during its ten years on air. Some
have been regular length, some have been extended specials and others
have been clip shows. Tania Crace and Daniel Lees explore a world of My
Family highlights in this intriguing article!
5. The Parent Trap (11 April 2008)
Airing as the first episode of My Family’s
eighth series, ‘The Parent Trap’ was a
fantastic series opener. Packed to the rafters
with quick one-liners, a stable plot and a neat
twist, this episode easily makes it into our top
ten favourite episodes!
This episode was written by Brian Leveson
and Paul Minett, the writers of The Booze
Cruise, which starred comedy legends Martin
Clunes, Mark Benton and Brian Murphy. This
episode marked the turnaround point for the
show – episodes from series eight onwards
increased in quality massively. 7/10
4. My Will Be Done (30 April 2004)
This gem of an episode saw the return of Nick,
who made his one and only appearance in the
show’s fifth series. Whilst quality had dropped
slightly for the run, this episode in particular
picked the series up – whether this was due to
Nick’s return is unknown.
This episode was written by Andrea Solomons,
who sadly no longer writes for the show, after
moving onto shows such as Nicholas
Lyndhurst’s After You’ve Gone. ‘My Will Be
Done’ was a typically amusing episode with a
few plot twists. 7/10
3. Farewell to Alarms (17 October 2000)
This episode is quite frankly the best episode
of series one – if only for Robert Lindsay’s
front room acrobatics in an attempt to turn
off the house alarm without triggering it!
‘Farewell to Alarms’ is a truly hilarious
episode from a series in its prime.
This episode was written by Steve and Jim
Armogida, two writers who are still writing
for the show today! This episode featured
some classic one-liners, some hilarious
physical stunts and the best plot of the entire
first series (in our opinion)! Definitely top-
notch My Family! 8/10
4
2. Sixty Feet Under (25 December 2003)
This is quite easily our favourite episode of first era My
Family! The entire episode takes place on a tube train,
which has been stopped by faulty signals. The driver ends
up having an emotional breakdown (partly brought on by
Susan’s interference), Nick starts selling bottled water at
extortionate prices and Michael gains and loses a
girlfriend.
The episode is not unlike a couple of episodes produced
for television legend, One Foot in the Grave, whereby the
characters spend the entire episode in just one room, or
one particular location (such as in a car during a bank
holiday traffic jam). For this reason alone, we salute it!
This is an absolute gem of a special from James Hendrie
and Ian Brown, both of whom later left the series to write
for various other projects, including After You’ve Gone. A
brilliantly written Christmas special with exceptional
acting which we thoroughly enjoyed! 9/10
1. The Heart of Christmas (25 December 2006)
This is the episode that we have chosen as our all-time
number one My Family episode. Why you ask? Well, for
many reasons. Firstly, the episode sees the show come
back on top form after a rather dire sixth series. Secondly,
this episode is simply pure comic gold – nobody wants to
spend Christmas in hospital, but Ben does! If it means
escaping his family for the entire festive season, then he’s
up for it!
We love this episode because it involves all the main
characters in their own little subplots, but also it features
the drama that can only be brought to life with the
combination of comedy. The children each wishing Ben
good luck before his operation is a scene that is capable
of bringing a tear to the eye of the viewer.
Also, this episode features some of the best lines and
comic timing of the entire series. This episode really is a
treat to watch, and it’s just a shame that it isn’t readily
available on DVD yet. However, availability grumbles
aside, this really is a legendary episode of the show and
deserves this number one spot! 10/10
5
6 ‘Nick’ by David Jones
Arguably the most challenging obstacle the makers of the
show have faced is the departure of Nick Harper. Probably
the show’s most popular character, it was a shock to many
when actor Kris Marshal left. The ‘stupid one’ is a stock
character in comedy and this exaggerated figure of low-
intelligence has been the bedrock of situation comedy since
the genre’s inception. A character on his own, however,
talking to himself, is not funny. If such a scene was
witnessed, it would be incredibly tragic. What makes it
funny is the reaction. Stan Laurel – taking on the archetypal
clown role – wouldn’t be funny without Oliver Hardy’s
pained expressions to camera, wherein we identify and
sympathise with his plight. In My Family, the frustrated one
is – of course – Nick’s father, Ben Harper.
Such characters like stupid Nick, swotty Michael and slutty
Janey are partly why critics hate the show – they deem
these characters to have no backbone, to be wafer-thin and
soulless. A good argument could be made for this, as
stereotypes are instantly identifiable. Any viewer could
watch a scene with Nick in for mere seconds before saying,
“I get it – he’s supposed to be the stupid one”. But it has to
be said that actor Kris Marshall brought something special
to the role and without him, the character would be
nowhere near as successful as he was. Other characters
from other sitcoms have since tried to emulate the grinning,
gormless and indelibly popular cretin. Fred Barron sitcoms
like the terrible flop Home Again had such a character, as
did After You’ve Gone.
One of the running gags in the early series was the latest
plan of Nick’s to get rich quick – an unacknowledged steal
from Only Fools and Horses and Sgt Bilko, but funny
nonetheless. These involved becoming a stage magician, a
background actor and a Gorilla-gram. Unlike Michael, who
went from a thirteen year old bespectacled swot to a fairly
normal teenager and twenty-something, Nick’s character
never had a chance to mature and develop. Perhaps there
were no developments to make. If the character got
cleverer or in anyway savvy, the humour would diminish.
Kris Marshall wanted to leave the show after the first series,
fearing he might be type-cast, but worried producers
negotiated his stay for a further run of two series, with
sporadic appearances in the fourth run. He made only one
appearance in Series 5, wherein his absence was explained
with Nick announcing he had been riding on the tube for six
months. He turned up again in the Christmas 2004 special,
albeit only within a “video postcard” segment, which
showed Nick in a far-away jungle. It ended up being an
elaborate hoax to get Ben to wire him some money. This
“sketch” was written by separate writers – presumably
because Marshall had script approval.
Nick really is My Family when we look at the
first four series of the show. David Jones takes
an in-depth look at the character and his
impact on the show in this fascinating article!
Written by David Jones. Edited by Daniel Lees. Page layout by Max Benson. Please note that My Family and Images are copyright © to Rude Boy Productions, DLT Entertainment and the British
Broadcasting Corporation (BBC). No infringement intended. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page. Fanzine 1.1.
Presumably as a replacement for Nick, Roger Bailey Jr was
introduced. The son of Nick’s dentist, Roger also dealt with
teeth. Roger soon fell in love with Abi – herself a
replacement for the briefly departed Janey – but, this being
a sitcom, Roger couldn’t tell Abi how he felt. This
continuous sub-plot mirrored the Niles/Daphne scenario in
the incredibly successful US sitcom Frasier.
Christmas 2005 saw the introduction of Alfie Butts – who
claimed to be a friend of Nick’s. This character was, in this
writer’s opinion, the absolute abyss. Nick couldn’t stop
grinning – so Alfie never did. He was the complete opposite,
and the calculations to make him different were plain to
see. Alfie was nowhere near as popular with viewers and
wasn’t even recognised by some. This was probably
because, when the series debuted in 2000, it received in
excess of eleven million viewers – more than half of what
the show was getting when Alfie was introduced. Also,
Alfie’s character was rather sketchy – as if the writers
couldn’t figure out whether to make him quietly intelligent
or unbelievably dim. His slow talking, clichéd tales of life in
a comedy Wales were cringe worthy, elicited groans and
left no indelible impression. The character vanished without
reference after Series 9.
The last we heard of Nick, he was in South America. How he
managed to get a green card without a job is unclear, but
Ben would no doubt be pleased that his least favourite son
is too far away to cause him any more disasters.
“Love and War” was written by Tom Simpson and edited by Daniel Lees. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1. The characters are copyright © to DLT Entertainment, Rude Boy Productions, the BBC and the individual creators/writers/producers of My Family.
INT. KITCHEN
Susan is sitting at the table, reading a book.
We hear the front door shutting, and footsteps
approaching the door.
From the living room, we can hear Janey talking
to someone -
JANEY
Just wait here, darling, Mummy needs to
have a word with Grandma, OK?
KENZO
OK.
As the door opens, and Janey walks in, Susan
looks up, she closes the door after herself –
JANEY
(There is a concerned look on her face, and
her tone is pretty serious)
Mum?
SUSAN
(Looking rather worried)
Janey, what's wrong?
Janey sits down at the table, and Susan puts her
book down.
JANEY
It's Kenzo; I think there's something up...
SUSAN
Why, what's he said?
JANEY
That's the problem, on the way back from
school, he didn't say anything. He's been
really quiet for the past few days.
SUSAN
Have you thought to ask him what's wrong?
JANEY
Yep. But every time I try to engage him in
conversation, he just closes up, says
nothing, and mutters occasionally.
SUSAN
Sounds like your father!
JANEY
(Seems genuinely horrified at what she's
thinking)
Oh, God, you don't think...?!
SUSAN
Oh, no, I doubt Kenzo's got any of Ben's
genes. For one, he seems to enjoy spending
time with the family.
JANEY
I'm just really worried that something’s
up, Mum, and you always seem to be able to
get people to open up... remember when I
was getting bullied at school?
SUSAN
The thumb screws certainly helped!
JANEY
Plus, you threatened to throw me out of the
house if I didn't tell you...
SUSAN
No, I think that was your father, and I
don't think you were getting bullied... I
think it was just his general feeling.
(Returns to the point in question; she
smiles, trying to calm Janey's fears)
Don't worry, I'll talk to Kenzo.
JANEY
(She smiles)
Thanks, Mum.
Janey gets up and opens the door. Kenzo is still
stood there, looking rather dazed and confused.
JANEY
Kenzo, Grandma wants a word.
Kenzo strolls into the Kitchen and sits on the
same chair as Janey was.
SUSAN
And how are you today, Kenzo?
KENZO
(Distant)
Yeah.
Janey looks extremely concerned, and Susan looks
as her as if to say 'go'.
Janey looks puzzled, and Susan points towards the
door, which is open.
Janey walks over to it and closes it.
Susan closes her eyes for a second and shakes her
head in disbelief.
Janey returns to the position that she was
before.
Kenzo’s being very quiet and grumpy. Janey is worried that
something maybe up, but is also thinking something worse: he may be
turning into his Granddad!
Janey asks Susan to have a word, and it transpires that he’s
being bullied, much to the disgust and worry of Janey and Susan. They
tell him to confront this bully, and give him what he deserves, but the
outcome certainly isn’t one that anyone could expect!
Meanwhile, Michael and Alfie go on a ‘camping’ holiday, but
Michael is in for the shock of his life when he discovers what they are
really going to do!
“Love and War” was written by Tom Simpson and edited by Daniel Lees. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1. The characters are copyright © to DLT Entertainment, Rude Boy Productions, the BBC and the individual creators/writers/producers of My Family.
Susan points at Janey and then points towards the
door, and then makes a 'pushing' movement with
her hand.
Janey mouths 'I've closed it'.
Kenzo is just sat there, in a world of his own,
unaware at what the two women are doing and
saying.
Susan gets up and walks over to Janey.
SUSAN
Go!
JANEY
What?
SUSAN
You've asked me to talk to Kenzo, and I'm
trying to, but it doesn't help that you’re
standing in the room!
JANEY
Oh, you want to be left alone!
SUSAN
Yes! Please, if you wouldn't mind. He might
feel a bit more comfortable if it's just me
and him.
JANEY
(Looking puzzled)
You could have just said!
Janey strolls out of the room and closes the door
behind her.
SUSAN
Losing more brain cells every day!
Susan sighs, and returns to the table, this time,
sitting right next to Kenzo.
SUSAN
Kenzo? Darling? Is something up?
KENZO
(He looks puzzled, but still quite distant)
No?
SUSAN
Are you sure? Because you know if something
is wrong, like you've got a problem, it's
always best to share it.
KENZO
But Granddad is always telling me to keep
my problems to myself, because spreading
them just makes other people miserable?
SUSAN
Bit of advice, Kenzo; never listen to your
Granddad, he's a complete idiot when it
comes to emotions.
KENZO
But you married him!
SUSAN
Yes, well...
(Realises she's drifting off the point)
Anyway, we're drifting of the point. Is
something wrong, Kenzo? Has someone upset
you? Are you being bullied?
KENZO
No...
SUSAN
You do know that your Mummy is very worried
and upset about you? Because you're being
very quiet lately.
KENZO
What if the problem was something that no-
one could solve?
SUSAN
No problem is unsolvable, Kenzo. Look, is
something wrong? Something that you don't
feel you can talk to your Mum about?
KENZO
Well, there is this person who I told Mummy
about... at school... who's -
The front door slams shut.
BEN
Bloody cheek!
SUSAN
Oh, off all the times!
(She sighs)
I'm sorry, Kenzo, will you just give me a
minute?
KENZO
OK.
Susan gets up, with a rather angry look on her
face. She opens the door, walks out of the
kitchen, and slams it shut.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Ben is in his usual grumpy mood, after another
day of dentistry.
Susan stands by the kitchen door. Fuming.
BEN
(To Susan)
Do you know...?
SUSAN
NO! Could you please, just for five
minutes, shut up?
BEN
But...
8
“Love and War” was written by Tom Simpson and edited by Daniel Lees. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1. The characters are copyright © to DLT Entertainment, Rude Boy Productions, the BBC and the individual creators/writers/producers of My Family.
SUSAN
I am TRYING to have a conversation with
Kenzo.
BEN
Why, wh...
SUSAN
SIT DOWN ON THE SOFA AND SHUT UP! AND DON'T
SAY A WORD OR MOVE UNTIL I SAY SO!
Ben looks genuinely frightened.
Like a 'naughty child', he retreats to the sofa
and sits, quietly.
SUSAN
Thank you.
She walks back into the kitchen -
INT. KITCHEN
- and closes the door behind her.
She smiles at Kenzo.
SUSAN
Sorry about that.
KENZO
It's OK.
SUSAN
Now, where were we?
She sits back down.
KENZO
(Realises its maybe time to open up and
tell the truth)
There's this person at my school... He
keeps on picking on me, singling me out,
making me do stuff like write on the board.
He's even made me do his homework a few
times.
SUSAN
(Disgusted)
That's... terrible!
KENZO
Did Mummy ever get bullied at school?
SUSAN
No, but your Uncle Michael did.
We get a small flashback to "Pain in the Class";
the scene where Michael is standing, covered in
dried custard.
SUSAN
Although, to be fair, Janey did kind of
solve that problem.
(She's smiling a little bit, but soon stops
after she realises what she's doing)
But, no, we mustn't use violence... this
person hasn't ever used violence on you,
has he?!
KENZO
No.
SUSAN
Right, thank you very much for telling me,
Kenzo. We'll get this sorted out in no
time, I promise.
KENZO
Thanks, Grandma.
Kenzo hugs Susan, and she smiles.
SUSAN
When you go into school on Monday, you're
going to confront this bully, tell him to
stop what he's doing, or your Mum and
Grandma will come and deal with him, OK?
KENZO
(Grinning)
Can I call him big, fat and ugly, too?
SUSAN
I wouldn't if I were you.
Kenzo gets off his chair and walks towards the
door.
KENZO
Thank you.
SUSAN
(Smiling)
My pleasure. Oh, and can you send your
Mummy in, please?
KENZO
OK.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Ben is still sat there, silent and still. Looking
rather bored.
Kenzo walks out of the kitchen and towards the
stairs -
KENZO
Mummy! Grandma wants a word with you.
Janey comes running down the stairs, looking very
concerned -
JANEY
Is everything OK, sweetheart?
KENZO
(Smiling) Yes.
JANEY
(Smiling too) Good. I'll just go and talk
to Grandma.
9
“Love and War” was written by Tom Simpson and edited by Daniel Lees. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1. The characters are copyright © to DLT Entertainment, Rude Boy Productions, the BBC and the individual creators/writers/producers of My Family.
She kisses Kenzo on the forehead and walks
towards the kitchen, noticing Ben on the way
past, sitting there, statue-like.
JANEY
You OK, Dad?
He 'hmm's' and nods. Janey just shakes it off as
him being in one of his strange moods.
She walks into the kitchen and shuts the door
behind her.
Kenzo walks up to Ben and sits on the sofa with
him. Ben doesn't move.
KENZO
Granddad?
He smiles and nods.
KENZO
Are you OK?
He smiles and nods again.
Kenzo's having none of it - he walks over to the
kitchen door, knocks on it, and after Susan says
'come in', he walks in -
INT. KITCHEN
SUSAN
What is it, darling?
KENZO
Granddad's ignoring me.
SUSAN
BEN! Stop ignoring Kenzo!
BEN
But you told me to...
SUSAN
I don't care! Stop ignoring your grandson!
KENZO
(Grinning) Thank you.
INT. LIVING ROOM
Kenzo shuts the kitchen door behind him, and sits
on the sofa besides Ben.
KENZO
I've been getting picked on at school, but
Mummy and Grandma are going to let him have
it!
BEN
You've been getting bullied?! How long for?
KENZO
A few weeks.
BEN
Why didn't you tell someone before?
KENZO
Because you told me...
BEN
Oh, dear. Bit of advice Kenzo...
KENZO
Don't listen to you?
BEN
Got it in one kid. You think you've had it
bad? You haven't got on your grandmothers
bad side yet! She could make a grown man
cry!
(He seems to remember something)
And has... many, many times.
(Realising something)
Has this person got parents?
KENZO
I dunno.
BEN
Actually, best not go there, last time I
met parents of a bully, well... amazing how
much you can do with a rolled up newspaper!
We get a small flashback to the same episode,
this time, the scene is of Ben attacking Jason
Hodders parents!
BEN
Don't worry, though, Kenzo, bully's never
win.
KENZO
Except for when they do.
BEN
Well, yes, but, not always...
KENZO
Most times, though.
BEN
Well, not this one.
KENZO
Not after Grandmas got hold of him!
BEN
Yeah... poor kid. He'll be in therapy for
the rest of his life.
Fade to black...
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND
It is early morning, before School, Janey and
Kenzo walk into the school playground and stop -
JANEY
Remember what we told you - stand up to
this person, and if they don't back down,
tell them that your Mummy and Grandma will
be onto them like a shot!
10
“Love and War” was written by Tom Simpson and edited by Daniel Lees. Material used is copyright © to My Family Online, Tom Simpson, Daniel Lees and the individual writer(s) stated on this page.
Fanzine 1.1. The characters are copyright © to DLT Entertainment, Rude Boy Productions, the BBC and the individual creators/writers/producers of My Family.
KENZO
OK.
JANEY
Have a great day, sweetheart, and good
luck.
They both hug and he walks off into the building.
INT. SCHOOL CORRIDOR
It's Monday morning, about 9am. A class are lined
up outside a classroom. Kenzo is in this line,
looking rather nervous. The teacher, Mr. Digsby
comes along and opens the classroom door.
MR. DIGSBY
Go on in class, quietly and quickly.
(Kenzo comes to the forefront of the line)
Ah, Kenzo Harper! Have you done that
homework I asked for on Friday?
KENZO
No!
MR. DIGSBY
And... why not?!
KENZO
Because my Mummy and Grandma told me not
to.
Kenzo just walks past the gobsmacked teacher,
confident that he'll win this one. The teacher
lets the rest of the class go in.
INT. CLASSROOM
Mr. Digsby is standing at the front of the class,
by his desk.
MR. DIGSBY
(Turning his attention towards Kenzo)
Now, Mr. Harper, I'll 'ignore' the comment
you made outside, and I'd just like you to
explain why you haven't done your homework?
KENZO
Because my Mummy and Grandma told me not
to.
MR. DIGSBY
I don't believe that for a second.
KENZO
Oh, and then told me to tell you that
you've got to stop making me do your
homework, and stop making me write on the
board. And, if you don't, they're going to
come here and beat you up!
The class gasp. Some of them giggle.
MR. DIGSBY
I...
KENZO
And you're ugly!
MR. DIGSBY
How dare you!
(Genuinely shocked)
I expected better off you, Kenzo! We're
going to see the headmistress, immediately!
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND
Janey is waiting anxiously for her son to come
out, amongst a sea of other parents.
Finally, the bell rings, and a few seconds
afterward, hundreds of kids come running out. But
no Kenzo.
It's about five minutes later, and most of the
other kids and parents have gone.
Kenzo is at the front entrance, being given a
letter by a teacher. He comes running out of the
school.
He runs up to Janey and gives her a massive hug.
JANEY
Did you stand up to him? Tell him what we
told you to say?
KENZO
Yes.
JANEY
And what happened, have the school dealt
with him yet?
(Trying to be sneaky and sarcastic)
Did you deal with him in private?
KENZO
No, I told him what you told to say to me
in front of my class.
(He hands her a letter)
And they've excluded me...
THE FULL SCRIPT WILL BE AVAILABLE ON MY FAMILY
ONLINE VERY SOON!
11
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Last of the
Summer Wine
Last of the
Summer Wine
Returns on 25 July 2010
at 19:30 on BBC One
LLAASSTT EEVVEERR SSEERRIIEESS
It’s been a busy old month for MFO! What with Series Ten starting to air, me
finishing College etc, I’ve spent about 10 hours editing the site on average over
the last week or so!
The amount of visitors we’ve had since the site returned to full-time operation is
really quite phenomenal -
I hope I don’t sound too arrogant in hoping that at some point during this series,
we’ll hit (or bypass) 200 visitors, as that would be a huge record and
achievement for the site!
I have to admit, at learning that Series Ten was going to start airing last Friday… I
had to change quite a few of my plans; as I’d planned to carry on the episode
guide updates, and Kenzo’s Project, until I left for my Holiday in mid-July (which
I’ll talk about down the page), and then continue them in mid-August, on my
return… however, I learnt of Series Ten airing, and all of a sudden I was in the
position where the show was starting in a matter of weeks and I’d done little or
no advertising! Thankfully, we’re now into the second week, and I’ve finally got
my arse into gear, thought clearly about what to do, and did it (OCD and
aspergers, what a lethal combination).
Anyway, my Holiday. Talk about coming at a bad time! I mean, I’ll enjoy it, but I
just don’t like the idea of leaving the site without updates during such a crucial
time, but I do hope people understand. I will try and get online once or twice,
probably on the evening of broadcast to prepare for the episode airing, but
beyond that, I obviously won’t be able to access the iPlayer to watch the episode
to I can write the synopsis etc, so I’m afraid those kinds of updates will probably
have to wait till mid August! Eek!
But, in general, the site is doing phenomenal at present; updates are occurring at
least once or twice daily and I’m hot on the heels of ratings information etc.
Though I do have a little bit of a dilemma; I’ve lost my Series Four, Disc 1 DVD
and, I need to do the episode guide soon! Tom Simpson
The Official My Family Online Fanzine thanks:
Tom Simpson - Daniel Lees Rosa Kyle - David Jones – Max Benson
Tania Crace – Robert Thurston – Alan Rusch – Victoria Davies – Dan Sommers – Shanice Brackmon
Want to contribute to Issue Two?
We are always looking for new team members to
help us produce an even better fanzine!
Do you think that you can bring something fresh to
our production? Then please do not hesitate to
contact us at [email protected]!
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