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S o u t h e a s t e r n A r i z o n a B e h a v i o r a l
Heal th Serv ices Inc .
Grief: Additional Web Resources
“Loss” By Marten Jansen
Grief in the Workplace: How to Help Co-Workers
The Grief Digest published an article in
January of this year titled, “Grief in the
Workplace.” The article was written by
Jan Borgman who is a licensed social
worker residing in Cincinnati, Ohio.
It is my hope that by reading the article
we’ll begin the discussion on how we can
find balance with giving compassion to
the bereaved employees while ensuring
that the work is being completed and
also learning how to offer support to the
grieving person instead of avoiding grief.
“It’s just a job, a place I go to for 8 hours
a day.” For many people, their job is just
a part of their daily lives that provides a
means to other things–food, clothing,
shelter, security, etc. It’s just a part of the
day and it starts and ends at a certain
time. But those who are laboring through
a grief experience, it isn’t just a job that
lasts for 8 hours a day. For most grieving
persons, grief is a 24/7 experience. Many
people who have experienced the death
of a loved one will state “I never knew
grief was so hard. It’s the hardest job I’ve
ever had to do.”
Most workplaces are not prepared to
handle the impact of grief on its employ-
ees. While grief initially diminishes your
ability to think clearly, zaps your energy,
creativity and motivation, and may lead
you to feel depressed and overwhelmed,
grief will ease with time. At some point
your ability to make decisions with rela-
tive ease will return. As you work through
your grief, the energy level will eventually
return. As you learn to channel your en-
ergy and feelings in new ways, your cre-
ativity and motivation will return. But it
takes time. Grief is hard work and a
“quick fix” society isn’t used to giving the
time or support needed to work through
the various stages and feelings related to
grief.
Continued to Pages 2 and 3
this issue
Grief in Your Work Environment P.1
Feelings When Mourning P.2
Grief and Loss Q & A P.3
Some Web Resources P.4
ISS UE
Autumn 2014
01
SEABHS Grief & Transition Newsletter Issue 01 Autumn 2014
Grief & Transition newsletter
LOSS OF A
RELATIONSHIP
BOOK LIST Please find some books
below to motivate and
assist people dealing with
a relationship break-up.
Getting Past Your Breakup:
How to Turn a Devastating
Loss into the Best Thing
That Ever Happened to You
By Susan J. Elliott
The Journey from Aban-
donment to Healing: Turn
the End of a Relationship
into the Beginning of a New
Life By Susan Anderson
Rebuilding: When Your
Relationship Ends By Bruce
Fisher
Coming Apart: Why Rela-
tionships End and How to
Live Through the Ending of
Yours By Daphne Rose
Kingma
Trading Dead-End Rela-
tionships for Lasting Love
By Willard F. Jr. Harley
How to Mend Your Broken
Heart: Overcome Emotional
Pain at the End of a Rela-
tionship By Paul Mckenna
& Hugh Willbourn
Thriving After Divorce:
Transforming Your Life
When a Relationship Ends
By Tonja Evetts Weimer
Love Hangover: Moving
from Pain to Purpose After
a Relationship Ends By
Shewanda Riley & Ger-
maine Hawkins
Wendy Reid, MSW, LMSW
Grief & Loss Therapist
C: 928-200-5697
By S
tefa
n K
rik
Grief Net: (http://www.griefnet.org/) An email based support group for all kinds of grief,
loss of spouse, child, partner, parent, etc. Groups are separated by type of loss, specific
groups just for kids as well. Cost is $10 a month to join a group. All discussions are
monitored.
Kids Aid: (http://kidsaid.com/) A companion site to grief net for children. Also provides
an email based group to join. Groups are separated by age, 12 and under and 13 to 18.
Site provides kids a place to submit artwork and writings, as well as a posting board to
have your questions answered.
The Dougy Center: (http://www.dougy.org/) A place for children, teens, adults and fami-
lies to share their experiences with grief. List of books, DVDs and training opportuni-
ties.
Grief Recovery Online (GROWW): (http://www.groww.org/) Grief chat room organized
into different branches for specific losses. Designed to have an opportunity to talk 24
hours a day, 7 days a week.
These resource websites were found on: http://lifework.arizona.edu/ea/articles/grief. For local Tucson grief
resources, articles addressing coping skills to manage grief symptoms as well as depression, causes and
symptoms associated with grieving, and much more please visit this website.
Grief Within the Work Environment….
It doesn’t matter if the loss
was the death of a loved
one, friend, or co-worker
the loss must be
experienced. Each person
must grieve the loss of the
person who was important
in their life. And grief is
harder than most people
realize until they experience
a significant loss or the
death of a loved one. Grief
can’t be turned off and on
based on a work schedule.
Grief comes with the person
who is grieving wherever
they go, including the work-
place.
How to Help Some-
one Who Is Grieving
There is no simple answer
on how to help someone
who is grieving. Each per-
son grieves in their own
way. The relationship you
share with the person who
is grieving may determine
the type of assistance you
feel you can offer. Here are
a few suggestions that may
It doesn’t matter if the loss
was the death of a loved one,
friend, or co-worker the loss
must be experienced.
List of Feelings You May Have When Mourning
Afraid
Angry
Anxious
Ashamed
Bitter
Confused
Depressed
Despairing
Detached
Guilty
Helpless
Hopeless
Lonely
Lost
Numb
Sad
Shocked
Overwhelmed
Preoccupied
Vulnerable
Yearning
Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep Poem by Mary Frye
Do not stand at my
grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not
sleep.
I am a thousand winds
that blow.
I am the diamond glint
on snow.
I am the sunlight on
ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn
rain.
When you wake in the
morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting
rush
Of quiet birds in cir-
cling flight.
I am the soft starlight at
night.
Do not stand at my
grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not
sleep.
Do not stand at my
grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not
die! Mary Frye (1932)
be helpful:
If It’s a Co-worker Who Is Grieving:
1) Talk to them. Don’t be
afraid to acknowledge their
loss. Ask them how they
are doing. Allow them to
share what they feel com-
fortable with. Don’t force
them to talk about
the death or their
loss. It may help
them feel more at
ease if you bring up
their loss rather
than ignore it. The grieving
person’s world has been
turned “upside down” and
there is nothing that is nor-
mal for them at this time.
2) Don’t be afraid to include
them in activities and pro-
jects. If they don’t want to
participate at this time, it
doesn’t mean that they
won’t want to join in the
next time. Today may be a
difficult day for them, but
that doesn’t mean they
don’t want to be included in
future activities.
3) Don’t force them into a
social activity that they don’t
want to join in at this time.
Grief is hard work and they
may not be able to enjoy
the event or activity at this
time. If is not unusual for
friends to want to make
them “feel better” but it is
important to respect their
decisions. Their
rejection isn’t a re-
flection on you but
about their ability to
cope.
4) Treat them as you did
prior to the death. One of
the most common concerns
shared by those returning to
the workplace after the
death of a loved one is
“wondering how others will
respond.” Be genuine in
your concern, allow them to
do their jobs, realize that
the first day or week might
be difficult, but try to keep
things as normal as possi-
ble. Routines are important
to the grieving person.
“Treat them as
you did prior to
the death.”
Grief & Loss Seasonal Question/Answer
Q: Is it acceptable to “bring home” and/or marry
another person quickly after my divorce?
A: Everyone has different relationship standards and
partner expectations. It is natural to end a relationship
when feeling that your standards or expectations are not
being fulfilled. While a divorce from a partner may sym-
bolize an end to aggravation, sadness, abuse, or other
frustrations; it also represents a loss of a joint union that once was.
This type of loss can be very challenging for children within the family
household. Most likely the children will need some time to process
what is happening; how this separation impacts them and the family
unit; and to accept what will be their new routine regarding quality time
with each parent. It is extremely painful for children in divorce settings
where siblings are separated with some having to
live with the mother and others are with the father.
There are many components to a family separation
and for one of the parents to immediately get in-
volved with another partner it will be troubling for
children who are trying to first comprehend all the
changes happening. Many adults feel the need for
immediate companionship during this troubling time.
However, it is very important for the adults to work on
re-establishing a new relationship with each child
before introducing another “parent figure” into the
family network. Questions or comments please email:
By Lynn Hughes
Mary Frye “Do Not Stand At
My Grave And Weep.” The
poem was written in 1932 and
was received from http://
www.muchloved.com/gateway/
bereavement-poems-and-
funeral-readings.htm
5) Allow them to do their
job. While some under-
standing and patience may
be necessary as they read-
just to the workplace, most
grieving people are able to
“do their jobs.” Their work
may be a reprieve from
their grief and may help
them feel like they have
some control in their life.
If It’s A Co-Worker That Has Died: 1)Provide employees a time
and place to talk about the
person who died. This may
seem like an obvious thing
to do, but in today’s world, it
is often viewed as
“business as usual.” Some
workplaces do not offer Em-
ployee Assistance Pro-
grams (EAP) or may not
feel comfortable allowing co
-workers to openly grieve
the loss of a colleague. Em-
ployers may not be able to
allow the entire staff to at-
tend the memorial service
or funeral but it may be
possible to allow some time
to be taken during the work
day to hold a service or
acknowledge the person
who died.
To read tips number 2
through 5 please visit the
direct site/source where you
can find this article: http://
griefdigestmaga-
zine.com/2014/01/grief-in-the
-workplace/?
utm_source=Grief+Digest+A
pril+2014&utm_campaign=G
D+Mar&utm_medium=email
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