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S o u t h e a s t e r n A r i z o n a B e h a v i o r a l

Heal th Serv ices Inc .

Grief: Additional Web Resources

“Loss” By Marten Jansen

Grief in the Workplace: How to Help Co-Workers

The Grief Digest published an article in

January of this year titled, “Grief in the

Workplace.” The article was written by

Jan Borgman who is a licensed social

worker residing in Cincinnati, Ohio.

It is my hope that by reading the article

we’ll begin the discussion on how we can

find balance with giving compassion to

the bereaved employees while ensuring

that the work is being completed and

also learning how to offer support to the

grieving person instead of avoiding grief.

“It’s just a job, a place I go to for 8 hours

a day.” For many people, their job is just

a part of their daily lives that provides a

means to other things–food, clothing,

shelter, security, etc. It’s just a part of the

day and it starts and ends at a certain

time. But those who are laboring through

a grief experience, it isn’t just a job that

lasts for 8 hours a day. For most grieving

persons, grief is a 24/7 experience. Many

people who have experienced the death

of a loved one will state “I never knew

grief was so hard. It’s the hardest job I’ve

ever had to do.”

Most workplaces are not prepared to

handle the impact of grief on its employ-

ees. While grief initially diminishes your

ability to think clearly, zaps your energy,

creativity and motivation, and may lead

you to feel depressed and overwhelmed,

grief will ease with time. At some point

your ability to make decisions with rela-

tive ease will return. As you work through

your grief, the energy level will eventually

return. As you learn to channel your en-

ergy and feelings in new ways, your cre-

ativity and motivation will return. But it

takes time. Grief is hard work and a

“quick fix” society isn’t used to giving the

time or support needed to work through

the various stages and feelings related to

grief.

Continued to Pages 2 and 3

this issue

Grief in Your Work Environment P.1

Feelings When Mourning P.2

Grief and Loss Q & A P.3

Some Web Resources P.4

ISS UE

Autumn 2014

01

SEABHS Grief & Transition Newsletter Issue 01 Autumn 2014

Grief & Transition newsletter

LOSS OF A

RELATIONSHIP

BOOK LIST Please find some books

below to motivate and

assist people dealing with

a relationship break-up.

Getting Past Your Breakup:

How to Turn a Devastating

Loss into the Best Thing

That Ever Happened to You

By Susan J. Elliott

The Journey from Aban-

donment to Healing: Turn

the End of a Relationship

into the Beginning of a New

Life By Susan Anderson

Rebuilding: When Your

Relationship Ends By Bruce

Fisher

Coming Apart: Why Rela-

tionships End and How to

Live Through the Ending of

Yours By Daphne Rose

Kingma

Trading Dead-End Rela-

tionships for Lasting Love

By Willard F. Jr. Harley

How to Mend Your Broken

Heart: Overcome Emotional

Pain at the End of a Rela-

tionship By Paul Mckenna

& Hugh Willbourn

Thriving After Divorce:

Transforming Your Life

When a Relationship Ends

By Tonja Evetts Weimer

Love Hangover: Moving

from Pain to Purpose After

a Relationship Ends By

Shewanda Riley & Ger-

maine Hawkins

Wendy Reid, MSW, LMSW

Grief & Loss Therapist

C: 928-200-5697

Wendy_Reid@seabhssolutions.org

By S

tefa

n K

rik

Grief Net: (http://www.griefnet.org/) An email based support group for all kinds of grief,

loss of spouse, child, partner, parent, etc. Groups are separated by type of loss, specific

groups just for kids as well. Cost is $10 a month to join a group. All discussions are

monitored.

Kids Aid: (http://kidsaid.com/) A companion site to grief net for children. Also provides

an email based group to join. Groups are separated by age, 12 and under and 13 to 18.

Site provides kids a place to submit artwork and writings, as well as a posting board to

have your questions answered.

The Dougy Center: (http://www.dougy.org/) A place for children, teens, adults and fami-

lies to share their experiences with grief. List of books, DVDs and training opportuni-

ties.

Grief Recovery Online (GROWW): (http://www.groww.org/) Grief chat room organized

into different branches for specific losses. Designed to have an opportunity to talk 24

hours a day, 7 days a week.

These resource websites were found on: http://lifework.arizona.edu/ea/articles/grief. For local Tucson grief

resources, articles addressing coping skills to manage grief symptoms as well as depression, causes and

symptoms associated with grieving, and much more please visit this website.

Grief Within the Work Environment….

It doesn’t matter if the loss

was the death of a loved

one, friend, or co-worker

the loss must be

experienced. Each person

must grieve the loss of the

person who was important

in their life. And grief is

harder than most people

realize until they experience

a significant loss or the

death of a loved one. Grief

can’t be turned off and on

based on a work schedule.

Grief comes with the person

who is grieving wherever

they go, including the work-

place.

How to Help Some-

one Who Is Grieving

There is no simple answer

on how to help someone

who is grieving. Each per-

son grieves in their own

way. The relationship you

share with the person who

is grieving may determine

the type of assistance you

feel you can offer. Here are

a few suggestions that may

It doesn’t matter if the loss

was the death of a loved one,

friend, or co-worker the loss

must be experienced.

List of Feelings You May Have When Mourning

Afraid

Angry

Anxious

Ashamed

Bitter

Confused

Depressed

Despairing

Detached

Guilty

Helpless

Hopeless

Lonely

Lost

Numb

Sad

Shocked

Overwhelmed

Preoccupied

Vulnerable

Yearning

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep Poem by Mary Frye

Do not stand at my

grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not

sleep.

I am a thousand winds

that blow.

I am the diamond glint

on snow.

I am the sunlight on

ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn

rain.

When you wake in the

morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting

rush

Of quiet birds in cir-

cling flight.

I am the soft starlight at

night.

Do not stand at my

grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not

sleep.

Do not stand at my

grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not

die! Mary Frye (1932)

be helpful:

If It’s a Co-worker Who Is Grieving:

1) Talk to them. Don’t be

afraid to acknowledge their

loss. Ask them how they

are doing. Allow them to

share what they feel com-

fortable with. Don’t force

them to talk about

the death or their

loss. It may help

them feel more at

ease if you bring up

their loss rather

than ignore it. The grieving

person’s world has been

turned “upside down” and

there is nothing that is nor-

mal for them at this time.

2) Don’t be afraid to include

them in activities and pro-

jects. If they don’t want to

participate at this time, it

doesn’t mean that they

won’t want to join in the

next time. Today may be a

difficult day for them, but

that doesn’t mean they

don’t want to be included in

future activities.

3) Don’t force them into a

social activity that they don’t

want to join in at this time.

Grief is hard work and they

may not be able to enjoy

the event or activity at this

time. If is not unusual for

friends to want to make

them “feel better” but it is

important to respect their

decisions. Their

rejection isn’t a re-

flection on you but

about their ability to

cope.

4) Treat them as you did

prior to the death. One of

the most common concerns

shared by those returning to

the workplace after the

death of a loved one is

“wondering how others will

respond.” Be genuine in

your concern, allow them to

do their jobs, realize that

the first day or week might

be difficult, but try to keep

things as normal as possi-

ble. Routines are important

to the grieving person.

“Treat them as

you did prior to

the death.”

Grief & Loss Seasonal Question/Answer

Q: Is it acceptable to “bring home” and/or marry

another person quickly after my divorce?

A: Everyone has different relationship standards and

partner expectations. It is natural to end a relationship

when feeling that your standards or expectations are not

being fulfilled. While a divorce from a partner may sym-

bolize an end to aggravation, sadness, abuse, or other

frustrations; it also represents a loss of a joint union that once was.

This type of loss can be very challenging for children within the family

household. Most likely the children will need some time to process

what is happening; how this separation impacts them and the family

unit; and to accept what will be their new routine regarding quality time

with each parent. It is extremely painful for children in divorce settings

where siblings are separated with some having to

live with the mother and others are with the father.

There are many components to a family separation

and for one of the parents to immediately get in-

volved with another partner it will be troubling for

children who are trying to first comprehend all the

changes happening. Many adults feel the need for

immediate companionship during this troubling time.

However, it is very important for the adults to work on

re-establishing a new relationship with each child

before introducing another “parent figure” into the

family network. Questions or comments please email:

Wendy_Reid@seabhssolutions.org

By Lynn Hughes

Mary Frye “Do Not Stand At

My Grave And Weep.” The

poem was written in 1932 and

was received from http://

www.muchloved.com/gateway/

bereavement-poems-and-

funeral-readings.htm

5) Allow them to do their

job. While some under-

standing and patience may

be necessary as they read-

just to the workplace, most

grieving people are able to

“do their jobs.” Their work

may be a reprieve from

their grief and may help

them feel like they have

some control in their life.

If It’s A Co-Worker That Has Died: 1)Provide employees a time

and place to talk about the

person who died. This may

seem like an obvious thing

to do, but in today’s world, it

is often viewed as

“business as usual.” Some

workplaces do not offer Em-

ployee Assistance Pro-

grams (EAP) or may not

feel comfortable allowing co

-workers to openly grieve

the loss of a colleague. Em-

ployers may not be able to

allow the entire staff to at-

tend the memorial service

or funeral but it may be

possible to allow some time

to be taken during the work

day to hold a service or

acknowledge the person

who died.

To read tips number 2

through 5 please visit the

direct site/source where you

can find this article: http://

griefdigestmaga-

zine.com/2014/01/grief-in-the

-workplace/?

utm_source=Grief+Digest+A

pril+2014&utm_campaign=G

D+Mar&utm_medium=email