When You Whisper - Chapter 5

8/2/2019 When You Whisper - Chapter 5

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When You Whisper

Chapter 5 Recovery

Suffering isnt ennobling, recovery is. Christiaan Bernard

Addy.

The voice that spoke her name ever so gently traced the edge of her thoughts like someone

blowing very softly upon her face. It tickled at her mind. She felt fingertips also tracing her

cheeks and jaw-line. It was nice. There was a tenderness to the touch that she had never

experienced before. As an added bonus, she felt like she was floating, not realizing that this

sensation was a side-effect of the pain medications they had given her. She sighed blissfully.

Addy, love, can you hear me? You scared me. I thought I had lost you.

Her confused mind, clouded by the drugs, tried to make sense of that voice. It didnt

belong to her mother. She hadnt spoken to Addy with that level of kindness in years, and the tone

was too masculine. She opened her eyes, and while the world was blurry, she could easily see that

no one was there. The fingers on her face had been some sort of phantom touch. Her brain

eventually registered who it was that must be speaking to her.

Javan?

His name came out as more of a croak, her throat hoarse and the inside of her mouth dry.

Her tongue felt like a thick slab of meat, swollen and numb. She tried to sit up, but he couldnt.

There was a large plaster cast surrounding her right shoulder and her entire arm as well. As some

of the fog lifted from her mind, and she finally took note of where she was, she realized that shewas in a hospital bed. She hated hospitals; even under the tranquilizing effect of the drugs, she

remembered that much. What had happened? How had she gotten there? Where was Felicia?

Although her throat was raw, Addy began screaming her sisters name.

It wasnt long before her ragged, distressed cries attracted the attention of one of the nurses

in the paediatric ward. A mature woman on the older side of middle-aged, with her greying brown

hair pulled tightly away from her face, came into the room.

Hush, sweetie, hush. Youre okay. Its safe here, Im glad to see that youre finally

awake, but theres no need to scream. Youre scaring the other children, she said in a warm butsomewhat patronizing voice. You just relax and tell me if theres anything you need. My name is

Caroline. Are you in pain? Hungry? Thirsty?

Addy completely dismissed the fact that the woman was trying to be helpful and to make

her more comfortable. She had only one thing on her mind.

Wheres my little sister?


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Oh, shes fine, darling. You dont need to worry about her. You need to concentrate on

getting better yourself. Theres no need to fret over those kinds of things. People here are going to

take good care of you, but youll heal much faster if you think positive thoughts.

Addy shook her head. Even through the numbing effect of the drugs, she could feel a

terrible throbbing in her shoulder and arm that worsened with any sudden movement. Shewondered how much it would hurt if the medication were to wear off.

I need to know. Where is she?

Caroline sat on the foot of her bed with a relenting sigh.

Shes in the care of Childrens Services and they are in the process of finding her a place

in a foster home. They dont think that its appropriate to allow her to stay in your home neither

of your parents are fit to take care of her. Theyll make sure that shes in good hands. Now that

youre awake, youll probably have guests this afternoon who will explain everything to you, hon,

and theyll be able to answer your questions much better than I can. You may as well get as much

rest as you can until then. Theyll want you to be alert when they talk to you. In the meantime, I

can get you anything you need, within reason...

That wasnt enough to satisfy Addy. From the sunshine spilling in through the window,

she was guessing it was mid-morning. How long had she been out? She couldnt wait until the

afternoon for answers.

What about my mother?

Despite everything that had happened, she still cared about the woman. Her mother had let

her children down in many ways, but Addy still loved her. She wasnt the type of person who

could hate people for their weaknesses.

Shes being kept under observation in another section of the hospital. They dont feel that

shes in the necessary state of mind right now to take care of herself properly, let alone her

children. Im gathering that things havent been very good at home for you, for quite some time.

Im sorry. Things will get better.

Addy relaxed a little. Carolines words certainly sounded sincere, and from what the nurse

had told her, everyone was safe for the moment. Addy couldnt bring herself to ask about her

father. Not that she hated the man even after all that he had done, all of the abuse and thecruelty, Addy was not capable of wishing him dead; it wasnt in her nature. She pitied him, but

she wanted nothing more to do with him. She suddenly wanted to be alone, the seriousness of the

situation weighing in on her heavily. She might never see Felicia again.

Juice, she said in a whisper, to avoid irritating her throat anew.

Pardon? Caroline responded with a smile, leaning over to fluff Addys pillows.


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Juice. I want juice, Addy claimed, speaking a little louder despite the fact that doing so

was unpleasant. Please.

Of course. Youre probably parched, poor thing. Caroline rose to her feet and started

towards the door. Ill fetch you some right away. Is apple juice okay?

The womans words were cheery but some of that was forced. Addy had a feeling that

keeping up a chipper demeanour probably wore on the woman, especially with all the pain, illness

and even death that she must see. Experiencing those things involving children would make it

even worse. Addy nodded.

Lie back then, dear, and Ill be right back. You can let me know if you need anything else

then.

When Caroline was out of sight, the tears began to flow.

I told you, Addy murmured with a sniffle. I told you they would split us up. Theyvetaken her away already.

The curtains shifted even though there werent any drafts in the room and Addy thought

she detected the occasional flicker in the sunlight that splashed on the floor. After all that had

happened lately, she truly believed in Javan now, whatever he was, and that was perhaps why he

seemed that much more real than he had in the past. His tone was subdued when he spoke, but not

condescending the way the nurses had been. He was offering Addy empathy, something she

couldnt seem to find anywhere else.

You told me what mattered most was that she was safe, and she is right now. You cant

shield her when youre in this condition. You need to heal. You need to recover. What you did

back at your house was crazy, Addy. He could have killed you.

She could tell that he was trying to guard her from his own anguish but a bit of it would

trickle past his defences from time to time. Even though it had been her choice and he had tried to

stop her, unsuccessfully, he still felt responsible for what had happened to her. He saw himself as

her mentor her guardian and anything bad that happened to her was a result of his failure.

Addy had never meant to make him feel bad, but just as Javan had a compulsion to watch over her,

Addy was governed by a similar sense of duty to watch over Felicia.

I know you think I had a choice, but I didnt, she whispered apologetically. Feliciasimportant to me. She needs me.

A faint breeze brushed her skin and rustled her hair. He wanted her to be fully aware of his

presence.

You have more choice than you realize, Addy certainly more choice than I do. And

youre important to me.


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Why? The question was little more than an exhalation. She had asked it dozens of times

before, and he had always found a way to redirect the conversation. She wasnt expecting an

answer this time either. There was a pause, however, rather than an attempt at diversion.

Because youre my purpose, my reason for being. Youre my heart. Without you, I am

nothing.

Addy held her breath, unsure how she should respond to this confession. She had pried for

some explanation since the day he had first started whispering to her at the water reservoir, but she

had always met with resistance. She wasnt sure why this had changed, but he had finally given

her a clue, something more to consider. Perhaps it was because of her close encounter with death.

Addy was stunned. Before she could ask any more questions, there was a quiet knock at

her door and a strange man stepped into the room. He was dressed in a plain brown suit and

looked clean, but not excessively primped. His smile was friendly and more relaxed than that of

her nurse.

You are awake. Caroline came to let me know. Addy noticed at that point that he was

holding a single-serving can of apple juice and a straw. He placed them on the table by the side of

her bed and then he took a seat in the chair that was there as well. My name is Foster. I was

hoping you and I could talk a little before your other visitor, Ms. Brooks, arrives. Shes going to be

asking you some pretty serious questions and I just want to make sure that youre up to answering

them. Youre not too tired to talk, are you?

Addy bit her lip and shook her head. This Foster had a very approachable demeanour, and

his way of speaking was as receptive as it was inviting. She almost felt secure enough around him

that she would consider telling him about Javan, partially because he didnt seem like the type who

would dismiss her offhand. She still wondered who exactly Foster was, and why he was there.

Once his slightly intrusive questions began, however, she wasnt sure that she wanted him there

anymore.

. Caroline said that when you woke up you were very upset that you were screaming for

your sister. Do you remember why you were screaming?

Addy pulled her knees in a little closer to her chest, trying not to jostle her arm and

shoulder. It didnt make her feel any more comfortable.

I was worried about her. I wanted to make sure that she wasnt hurt.

Her voice cracked. Thoughts of Felicia just reminded her of what had happened and that

her little sister wasnt somewhere where Addy could reach her. Addy didnt really have the

strength or clarity of mind at that moment to fight off the desperate sadness threatening to

overwhelm her. Hearing the girls rasping, Foster cracked open the can of juice, popped the straw


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in it, and handed it to her. The gesture was intentionally relaxed, an effort to keep things light even

though they werent.

And you wanted to check on her because your father had hurt her before? Some of the

officials at your school reported that you told them your father had hit you before the incident two

days ago. This had happened before, to you and Felicia? he asked.

Addy restrained a gasp. Two days she had been out for two days.

You can see why I was worried about you, Addy, Javan whispered. But I think youll

be fine, now. Things are going to change for you because of this. You wont be able to stop it. If

you go along with the transition, it wont be as difficult to deal with as if you fight it. This man for

example. You need to answer him truthfully. Its his job to analyze your situation, to make sure

that youre protected and prevent more damage of various sorts. Its better for you and Felicia

if you cooperate with him on this. I know you dont like to trust people, but his kindness is

legitimate and his intent good. You dont need to be afraid of him.

Addy sipped on her juice as an excuse not to answer Foster at first, while Javan spoke to

her uninterrupted. She stared at the man before her warily, enjoying the cool wet, sensation of the

juice trickling through her raw throat. When Javan had said his peace, after a few more sips of

juice, Addy finally responded. She was willing to trust Foster if Javan wanted her to.

It happened before to me and my mother, but I never let him hurt Felicia. She was too

little.

Foster raised his eyebrows. Addy could see he was assessing her physically, and she

guessed he was thinking that she wasnt exactly big herself, and was wondering how she couldhave possibly stopped her father if he were hell-bent on abusing his younger daughter. Addy was

small for her age, but she was still considerably larger than her three-year-old sister. The man

leaned in towards her, softening his voice.

You never let him? You were the one to defend her? What about your mother?

Sometimes, Addy admitted. She tried. My mother wasnt very strong and she was

scared of him even more than I was. I dont really blame her.

In a way she did, but Addy didnt want to reveal that. She still loved her mother. If the

people who were trying to help her mother to care again succeeded, the woman would be feelingenough guilt over what had happened, without anyone pointing fingers her way. Addys father had

broken her mother years ago, so there were reasons why the woman was so dysfunctional. Addy

might have ended up just like her, if the man had succeeded in breaking his daughters as well. Not

that it was out of the realm of possibility, just because he had been removed from their lives. He

was gone, but the scars on their bodies and etched into their psyches were permanent and might

continue to disrupt things.


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Addy, I have to ask this and I realize youre probably still traumatized by recent

happenings, but its very important that you answer me truthfully. Did your father ever do

anything other than hit you that made you feel bad? Did he ever touch you in a way that bothered

you that seemed ...wrong?

Addy noticed a change come over Foster as he asked her this. His smile faded and hisposture grew tense. These questions were no doubt standard procedure for a child in her situation,

and he obviously didnt like having to dig this way, possibly reluctant to hear what she might have

to say. Even though she didnt fully understand the implications of what he was suggesting, it still

made her uncomfortable, sensing his awkwardness. Her cheeks flushed red and hot. Her father

was a heartless brute with no control over his temper, but he was not a pedophile. She frowned

and shook her head, but she didnt drop her gaze or do anything else that hinted she might be lying

to avoid further humiliation.

Steady, Addy. Hes just looking for ammunition he doesnt mean you any harm. There

has been plenty of suspicion cast upon your father, but the more that they can pin on him thegreater the punishment. They wont make you go back. I cant guarantee things will be perfect,

but theyll at least be better than they were with him.

Addy was grateful to have Javans soothing words to keep her settled and focussed. Her

brain was still fuzzy from the pain-killers and her thoughts kept trying to return to Felicia and what

she must be going through. Addy was old enough to cope. She had a reasonable understanding of

what was going on. Felicia, on the other hand, would be utterly lost.

Im not trying to embarrass you, Addy, Foster told her. There are just a few things we

need to know in order to decide what it is that we can do to help you best. Youve been throughsome rough times, more than someone your age should have seen. Youll probably need to talk

through some of the harshest memories, until you can learn to let go of them a little. Sometimes

people who have been subjected to negative treatment have the tendency to blame themselves.

You do recognize that what happened with your family is in no way your fault?

Addy pulled her blankets up closer to her chin, wishing she was free to hoist them right

over her head. She wanted to be able to hide and make it all disappear, even if just for a few

minutes. She longed to be up by the water reservoir, her and Javan alone - her and freedom. She

suddenly realized that she probably would never get to climb up into the hills again. That notion

made her shiver, and the movement caused her shoulder to ache, so she tensed and grimacedreflexively. Foster immediately looked concerned.

Are you okay? Should I call Caroline back in?

No dont call her back, Addy stated quietly, trying to burrow a little deeper into her

blankets.


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Foster sat back in his chair, folding his hands together in his lap.

So, evidence suggests that this was going on for some time. Was there a reason why you

waited to tell someone you trusted about this? Id like to know for future reference. What

motivated you to finally seek out help? Your teachers believe that you may have been intimidated

by your father that he threatened you to keep your silence. Is there something else that promptedyou to act?

What could she say? Could she admit that there was an odd presence that spoke to her, but

nobody else could hear him, and that some time he appeared to her through phantom touches and

misty visions? Addy didnt want to do that. They would brand her as crazy. If there was a chance

that they might let her see Felicia again, she didnt want to do anything to jeopardize that. Instead,

she just shrugged and chose to remain silent. Her reluctance to answer appeared to be enough to

bring an end to Fosters questions. He put a hand gently on her good shoulder.

I think thats enough questions for now. You rest and Ill talk to you again later. Ill beback once Ms. Brooks has arrived to check in on you.

Addy could see that he was observing her reaction to his touch, but she did not cringe or

recoil away in any manner. Why would she? Javan had told her that this Foster was safe and

after her intangible friend had been right about what had been happening with her family when she

wasnt there to see it for herself, she had stop questioning what he had to say. Foster appeared to

be relieved at her reaction, and giving her another of his casual smiles, he left the room.

Still groggy from the drugs, Addy drifted in and out of sleep after Foster departed, waking

occasionally to Caroline bustling around the room and the encouraging whispers of Javan.

Eventually she roused to the clicking of heels upon hard tile and opened her eyes to find a

conservatively dressed blond-haired woman standing at the foot of her bed. She was much stiffer

than Foster in her stance and gestures and Addy guessed that this must be the Ms. Brooks that he

had mentioned.

Hello, Adelaide. Im sorry to disturb your rest, but I wont bother you for long. I just

need you to tell me a few things about yourself so that we can have a place arranged for you to go

to once they discharge you from the hospital. Wed like to make the transition as easy as possible.

Your mother hasnt been very forthcoming and if you have any special needs wed like to make

sure that theyre addressed. Is there anything we should know about when selecting your foster

home? Allergies? Special dietary needs?

Addy was as single-minded as ever.

I want to be with my sister.

The woman cracked a thin smile, but Addy could see much more emotion in her pale blue

eyes. Her social worker was trying to distance herself from the situation, something necessary for


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the sake of remaining objective, especially considering the number of children in her caseload, but

Addy could tell that this was a challenge for Ms. Brooks. This made Addy feel better about her

current circumstances. She wanted to believe that someone somewhere cared what became of her

and Felicia.

We do our best to keep siblings together, Adelaide, contrary to popular belief. I expectwell be able to place you in the same home. Shell probably go in ahead of you. The doctors tell

me that they need to keep you in here a couple of weeks to make sure everything is mending

properly and that they didnt miss any damage caused by your fall. Youre a very lucky girl to still

be alive.

Addy suspected she meant that in more ways than one; Ms. Brooks wasnt just referring to

the incident that had damaged her shoulder and arm. She meant every time she had survived her

father losing control of his temper, and every risk she had taken when not properly supervised by

her mother.

Addy had a very negative reaction to what she had just been told, but it wasnt because she

took issue with Ms. Brooks criticizing her parents or that she believed that the woman was

chastising her for leaving herself and her sister in a dangerous predicament when she could have

spared them some of their suffering sooner. The shaken girl started to shiver uncontrollably at the

notion that she would be stuck in the hospital for at least two whole weeks, a place that always

made her skin crawl and made her think of death. Worse than that, Addy likely wouldnt get to see

Felicia until they released her to the foster home, and she would probably worry herself sick over

her sister the entire time that they would be apart.

Are you cold? Ms. Brooks asked, not grasping the nature of Addys response. Ill gofetch you an extra blanket. Then Ill try to answer whatever questions you have about what things

will be like when you leave here. It wont be so bad, really. Ive seen many girls just like you

adapt well to the changes and live a very happy life happier than the one that they left behind, by

far. I know it will take a little time to get used to the differences and recover from some of the bad

experiences that youve been subjected to, but everyone youll be dealing with will be aware of

that, and theyll be very understanding. She left the room with a hurried stride.

Its okay, Addy. Javan whispered, trying to lend her some comfort. Whenever youre

asleep Ill look in on Felicia, just like I used to when you were attending your classes. If theres

any need for concern, Ill let you know. I promise. Since you cant watch over her, I will. Youneed to focus on getting better. You need to heal. The sooner you get better, the sooner youll be

back with her again.

Addy nodded and exhaled loudly. Javans willingness to keep vigil over Felicia did help to

settle her frazzled nerves but was only a partial cure to what ailed her. It wouldnt change the fact

that she would be stuck in that horrible hospital room, staring at those bland sterile walls and


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breathing in that terrible smell for longer than she thought it would be humanly possible to tolerate.

She couldnt bear the thought and hid her face under her covers.

Addy, please - Ill tell you stories and we can pretend were somewhere completely

different. Two weeks will go by faster than you realize. Just think of it: no more fear, no more

shouting, no more insults, and no more bruises. This will be much nicer than what youre leavingbehind, even if you dont like it here. You can start fresh, somewhere new. Being here for two

weeks is a small price to pay, compared to what youve endured to this point.

I dont care. I still hate it here. Only bad things happen in hospitals, Addy grumbled,

remaining sheltered beneath the blanket.

Thats not true. People are cured of disease and healed of wounds here all the time.

Babies are born in the hospital. You brought Felicia home from the hospital. That was good

right?

For me, yes, Addy murmured, her words laced with sadness, For her, not so much.

Addy was expecting some sort of response, another attempt at rallying her spirits, but Javan

went silent. Instead, Addy found herself startled as Ms. Brooks peeled back the covers and peered

into the shadows underneath. The woman, wearing a curious expression held out another blanket

to Addy.

Heres your blanket are you hiding friends in here? I thought I heard you talking to

someone. Addy, wide-eyed, shook her head. Well you might want to come out then. I have

friends out here. Look who I ran into in the hall.

Addy carefully threw off the blankets, trying not to jostle her shoulder and arm that were

starting to ache again. At first she was a little disappointed, finding only Foster, whom she did not

actually consider a friend just yet. Then a cherubic little face peered out at her from behind him.

He had brought Felicia to her. Foster grinned.

Addy! the little girl squealed and made a dash for her bed. It took some fast scrambling

on Fosters part to keep her from leaping up onto her sister who was in no physical state to receive

such rough treatment. Felicia couldnt help the fact that she was not able to contain her

enthusiasm. After Foster managed to get her to calm down a little, he lifted her and set her gently

next to Addy on the blankets. Addy gave her younger sister a one armed hug, and Felicia looped

her arms around her neck, holding onto her like someone might immediately yank her away again.

I missed you, Felicia told her.

Addy felt really good for the first time since she had awoken in the hospital. Her pain

seemed insignificant now that she had Felicia with her, and could see for herself that her sister was


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safe and well. I missed you too, Addy murmured, mussing Felicias hair. She glanced at Foster

and gave him a sincere thank you.

So can we go home now? Felicia asked, lifting her head to look Addy square in the face.

I miss Mommy.

Addy stroked her hair and wondered if this moment would be something her sister would

always remember in a negative. Felicia was no doubt tiring of strange people and strange places.

It was a lot for a little girl to absorb.

We cant go home, Felicia. Mommy needs lots of rest, and she wont be able to take care

of us, so we have to go live somewhere else. There will be nice people there, and well be going

together. Well be alright, okay? Well be alright.

Addy expected her to cry and fuss and try to force the issue, but to her surprise Felicia just

went silent and curled up against her. Sitting with her little sister and holding her as tightly as she

could with one arm, Addy hoped that what she had just told her was true.,

When You Whisper - Chapter 5

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