www.emmaushousehaiti.org Page 1

Quarterly Newsletter Volume 8 October 2015

Emmaus House Cap Haitien, Haiti

LEARNING TO LOVE (AND BE LOVED)

Two years after its beginning, Emmaus House has been more of a

success than any of us dreamed. Many Haitians and Americans

who work in Haiti told us that our standards were too high and the

youth simply would not comply. We can honestly say that this

group of young people has grown far beyond what we imagined

and they are completely different people than they were upon arri-

val at Emmaus House.

However, not every young person entering our program has been

successful. It is important to highlight our obvious successes,

however, it is also important not to downplay what could be per-

ceived as failures. Our staff and board works hard to make sure

that if our youth work the program, there is hope for their future.

However, they have to put a great deal of physical, spiritual, and

emotional work into that program. There have been several young

people who have chosen not to work the program and who have

voluntarily left or have been

dismissed. These young

people remain heavy in our

hearts and prayers and their

futures weigh on all of us

every day.

In order to understand the

depth of our successes as

well as our perceived fail-

ures, one must understand

that all of our youth have

endured a tremendous

amount of emotional trauma

over the course of their

young lives. Studies have

shown the most traumatic

event a person can endure in

childhood is the loss of a

parent. All of our youth have

lost one or both parents to

abandonment or death. The young adult years are when one de-

cides how they will perceive that loss and how it will affect the rest

of their lives. This time of life is critical to processing the traumas

endured in childhood and how the challenges that lie there will

define who they are to become. This is when one chooses to

overcome or to succumb to the anger and pain. All of our young

people have been and are very much living in the emotional tur-

moil of that reality. Most are choosing to overcome, however

some are choosing to succumb.

Overcoming this anger and pain requires something very specific

and seemingly simple. It requires learning to give and receive

love, a sometimes insurmountable task when, as a child, one has

rarely felt safe and cared for, only learning the skills of survival.

Without learning to trust authority to care for you, it is difficult for a

child to learn to receive love, much less give it.

Our brains have done a majority of their growing by the tender

age of 3, during that time children are learning if their world is safe

or if they need to learn to survive on their own without the help of a

loving caretaker (most of our youth came to live at Cap Haitien

Childrens Home after the age of 3.) God designed us to be loved

and cared for. Even an infant understands that if they are not

properly cared for, they will die, hence the blood curdling scream

every mother endures when feeding time rolls around. When a

child learns not to trust they will be cared for, they build up defens-

es such as aggression, controlling behaviors, manipulation, lack of

trust, and severe independence. They learn to protect themselves

from people and love. They dont trust anyone, they rely only on

themselves to get their needs met. Their brains become pro-

grammed for alert, constantly deciding between fight or flight.

When a child is focused on survival and not learning, it is difficult

to process simple cause and effect. They truly cannot reasonably

process the consequences of their actions. Think about when you

are extremely hungryits difficult to concentrate on anything else.

Your survival instinct kicks in and your world becomes consumed

with the thought of your next meal. Once you eat, you are once

Studies have

shown the most

traumatic event a

person can endure

in childhood is the

loss of a parent. All

of our youth have

lost one or both

parents to abandon-

ment or death.

Page 2 www.emmaushousehaiti.org

again able to concentrate. For many of our youth, they have

been in survival mode so long, learning to trust others is extreme-

ly difficult; they simply stay in survival mode. Therefore, simple

rational thought processes such as cause and effect dont come

easy to them.

Emmaus House was set up using the family model created by

God. Participating in a family requires allowing and trusting

someone to love and to provide for you. It requires trusting they

will keep you safe. The intimacy and love created by that model

can be threatening and sometimes scary for our youth. The idea

of trusting another person to meet their physical and emotional

needs is scary when most bonds made with adults throughout

their lives have ended in hurt. When a person encounters fear,

the fight or flight instinct kicks in and they sometimes develop

maladaptive behaviors making it impossible to live in a family unit

such as Emmaus House. As strange as it sounds, that love actu-

ally pushes them away rather than brings them closer.

I have had many discussions with our house parents, Jonathan

and Vivian, educating them on a professional level regarding this

dynamic. They are on the front lines of this battle for these young

peoples hearts. I encourage them to continue to be patient, to

show love, to make them feel safe yet still hold them accounta-

blea difficult balance to find. Raising two children who have

suffered early childhood trauma myself, I am all too familiar with

the challenges Jonathan and Vivian face. It hurts to give so

much love and get very

little in return and the task

seems overwhelming at

times. Their job is a battle

to be sure. However, our

young people will never

heal if they dont feel safe.

Most of our youth over the

last 2 years or so have

learned to, maybe not em-

brace, but accept the fact that Jonathan and Vivian are going to

love them regardless of their bad behavior. Some, however,

simply find this love too threatening.

I think of a time when one of our girls, who has since been dis-

missed, was being challenged regarding her poor behavior by the

rest of the group. As the girl sobbed, not knowing how to fix it,

Vivian hugged her tightly telling her she loved her. Despite the

abuse this young lady brought upon Vivian during her stay at

Emmaus House, Vivian still expressed her unconditional love for

her; exactly what this young lady needed to heal. However, for

her, accepting this love, letting go and allowing herself to feel

safe goes against all the survival skills she has been using to get

by. In order for her to heal and accept this love, she would have

to let go of her control, manipulation, and aggressions. The very

behaviors she sees as self-preserving, were actually the behav-

iors destroying her. Trusting that another person will love you is

too much, its too hard, its too much work to process the pain of

her abandonment and loss. And much to her demise, she contin-

ues in her self-destructive behaviors which eventually led to her

heart breaking dismissal from the house.

The outcome for this young lady has been similar to what we

predicted for all of our youth had Emmaus House not existed.

She has no real home, she has turned away everyone who has

tried to love her, and she is now pregnant with nowhere to go.

Although she cannot live in the house due to her maladaptive

behavior, we are still doing what we can to help her survive and

offer the love that she will need in order to find real peace.

God gives us the love of a family when we are young to introduce

us to His love for us. The only thing that will ultimately save our

youth or any one of us is the love of God. None of us will find

peace if we dont ultimately trust in Gods love for us. Nothing

can separate us from His love (Romans 8:35-39.) Until we can

all learn to trust His love, true healing will never take place.

All of us at Emmaus House are working hard to help all of our

youth succeed. Jonathan, Vivian, Gerome, and the Kittrells are

an excellent example on the ground of unconditional love for

these young people. However, many our youth need critical ther-

apy during these young adult years to work through these deep

issues if they are going to successfully learn to love and be loved

in a healthy way. Childrens homes in America usually offer indi-

vidual and group therapy for their residents on a weekly basis.

We are working to offer more tools to help them on their journey

to heal. Helping our boys in working through these issues is a

psychologist, Roni Bhullar, who lives and works near Cap Hai-

tian. He has graciously volunteered to come and work with our

young men in a weekly group therapy session. Progress is slow,

but it has been helpful. There is a highly qualified Haitian woman

in Cap Haitian who is available to work with our girls, howev-

er, Emmaus House lacks the funds to pay for her services.

For the 5 girls living in the house, the cost would be $200/

month (a very reasonable fee by American standards.) Over-

all, we have seen a great need for therapy for our girls as they

seem to have a more difficult time finding stability and accepting

love.

If God has put it on your heart to help our young women in this way, please email Emmaus House, or me at: tanya_pirtle@comcast.net. We dont want to see any more leave our program without first reaching their goals.

As strange as it sounds, that love ac-tually pushes them away rather than brings them closer.

www.emmaushousehaiti.org Page 3

WHAT ARE THEY UP TO NOW?

If you or someone you know are interested in financially supporting any of these youth still in need to pursue their career please contact Jillian Kittrell at kittrellsinhaiti@gmail.com . Please help us reach out to individual donors and/or take this cause to your congregation so this important work can continue.

By Jillian Kittrell

Andy will complete driving school this month in Cap Haitien. After receiving his license he will be eligible to apply for a professional school in Port au Prince where he will learn to operate large machinery. As construction continues, Andys goal is to help build and improve Haiti.

In September Willey started his pro-fessional training in cruise ship hospitali-ty. Willey has taken a leading role in his class and is often asked to assist his teachers. Since starting school Willey has made level 4 every week in the house.

Djooly recently graduated from second-ary school. After working with multiple medical teams, his goal is to study Health Care Administration and help improve hospitals in Haiti. Djooly is currently ap-plying for schools in Arkansas. In the meantime he is tutoring the Kittrell kids, translating for local organizations, and helping around Emmaus House.

Lobe is in his final year of secondary school. He is currently studying for the TOEFL exam and will soon begin applying for universities in America where he would like to study Radiology. Lobe is in need of partial support for his education. If interested, please contact Tanya Pirtle for more details.

Merly recently moved to southern Haiti where she is now attending a university and studying Physical Therapy. She is very busy with classes, but is working hard and has impressed her professors and school administration. We are look-ing forward to spending Christmas with her.

Kencia is currently attending a nursing school in Cap Haitien and will apply for the only midwifery school in Haiti for Fall of 2016. Kencia is currently in need of a gently used laptop for school. Please con-tact Jillian Kittrell if you are willing to donate one.

Jetro is also in his final year of second-ary school and prepping to apply for universities in America. He dreams of studying Psychology and wants to use his education to motivate and educate Haiti. He also needs partial support for his education. If interested, please con-tact Tanya Pirtle

Jenny is currently in her final year of secondary school. Following graduation next summer, she would like to attend nursing school in Cap Haitien to becom-ing a Pediatric Nurse. Jenny will be in need of financial support for nursing school beginning the summer of 2016.

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Search for: Emmaus House

Emmaus House

Contact Info:

PO Box 35001

Westminster, CO 80035

www.emmaushousehaiti.org

kittrellsinhaiti@gmail.com

Go to our website for

shipping instructions.

WWW.ETSY.COM/SHOP/EMMAUSWORKSHAITI

Make a Donation

Online:

Recurring payments

Now available!

MEET FREDO

Sponsorship is a valuable tool for our youth, however, as you might guess, Emmaus House also pro-

vides housing, utilities, fuel, directors and mentors to provide guidance, etc. required to provide a

safe, comfortable living environment. Currently we are also seeking ongoing support to meet those

needs so we can keep the individual youth sponsorship levels at a reasonable level. Please help us

Newest arrival to Emmaus

House from the CHCH

Age: 18 years old

Education: 7th grade

Career Goal: Wants to be a

preacher!

Already one month away

from earning *honors level,!

*Which means we will be look-ing for $50 more per month to

meet this need.