Oshkosh: a Civil Community

The Oshkosh Civility Project April 2011

The Oshkosh Civility Project Major Financial Benefactors

Speak Your Peace Oshkosh!

Credits to:• Dr. PM Forni – Johns

Hopkins University• Truckee-Tahoe

Community Foundation• Duluth-Superior Area

Community Foundation

Visit to Truckee-Tahoe CommunityExploration of efforts in Duluth-Superior

• Politics• Letters to the Editor• Blogs – Anonymous and Otherwise• Economic downturn• Mood of the public• High visibility incidents – Rutgers &

Tucson

Getting Started

• Can’t we do better?• Aren’t we known for friendliness

and hospitality?• We should set a higher mark!• Provide a common framework to

discuss civility-related issues.

Our Goal

• This is NOT a campaign to end all disagreements … this is a campaign to make it safe to disagree.

• Focus: Improving the character and quality of interpersonal communication.

Let’s Agree to AGREE

• Involve all major stakeholders• Attract interest ~ secure buy-in• Work small ~ grow bigger• Encourage grassroots interest

& involvement• We are not just targeting those who are

uncivil, but those who allow uncivilized behavior to happen.

Key Strategy

Choosing Civility• National speaker• Recognized authority• Provide visibility• Conceptual structure

What we did …• Concern -> ACTION• Core Group• Formulated Plans• Truckee Leadership Breakfast• Forni Community Breakfast• Forni – Library & School Board• Mayor’s Proclamation• Website• Continued outreach/dialogue• Promotional Materials

Choosing Civility

Civility in the Public Schools

A Day of Civil Discussion

Feb. 24 2011 Walter Scott & Mayor Paul Esslinger

The people of Oshkosh were urged to reflect on the importance fundamental values• Respect• Understanding• Compassionbefitting a proud community with a rich history & heritage of an active, engaged, informed and involved citizenry.

Civility Defined• “Benevolent awareness

of others”• Civil ~ when weave

restraint, respect and consideration into fabric of awareness

• Civil ~ when we care about others and treat them well

What does civility do?• Strengthens social

bonds• Reduces stress• Increases satisfaction• Increase work quality• Good for relationships• Good for business• Civility does the

“everyday busywork of goodness”

• >90% of workers experience incivility– 50% lost work time worrying– 13% left the company

• >50% American workforce has high stress levels– >1/3 identifies “people issues” to

cause of stress at work– Workload is #2

• Estimated cost of workplace stress: $300 billion per year

Incivility At work Costs us all

Source: P.M. Forni

Nine Tools of Civility

Civility: City & Society“The

Other”

Known Other Group

My Group

Unknown Other Group

Me, Myself

& I

To be Revisited …

1. Pay AttentionBe aware and attend to the world and the people around you.

2. ListenMuch of the conflict in our lives can be explained by one simple but unhappy fact: we don’t really listen to each other.

“We in America have everything we need except the most important thing of all—time to think and the habit of thought.”

Norman Cousins

3. Be InclusiveWelcome all groups of citizens working for the greater good of the community. Remember to “Invite the Stranger.”

www.OshkoshCivilityProject.org

4. Don’t GossipDon’t discount the power of your words.

Speaking with consideration and kindness is at the heart of civil behavior.

5. Show RespectDisagree without being disagreeable.Respect includes recognizing that others are entitled to look at the world differently.

The Principle of Respect for Persons

We ought to treat others as ends in themselves rather than as means for

the satisfaction of our immediate needs and desires

PM Forni

6. Be AgreeableTwo key ingredients for being agreeable in conversation:1. The ability to consider that you might be wrong.2. The ability to admit that you don’t know.

7. ApologizeBe sincere and repair damaged relationshipsSimple, decent words, that soothe the bruised soul: “I’m sorry.”

Life today is more about feeling good and less about being good.

“We spend much more time tending to the quality of our emotional lives than to the quality of our moral lives.”

Joshua Halberstam

8. Give Constructive Criticism

Intention must be to help, not to humiliate.

When disagreeing, stick to the issues & no personal attack!

9. Take Responsibility Don’t try to shift blame onto others.

Share disagreements publicly.

Civility: a Model2 Listen

3 Be Inclusive

4 Don’t Gossip!

5 Be Respectful

6 Be Agreeable

7 Apologize

8 Constructive Feedback

1 Pay Attention

9 Take or Accept Responsibility!

Me, Myself

& I“The

Other”

Rela

tions

hip

Focu

s

All Others

Relationship Focus

Responding to Rudeness• State the facts• Inform the other person

how you were impacted by their actions

• Request that hurtful behavior not be repeated

SIR

Choose Civility• Engage others• Inform others• Learn from others• Learn with others• Model or establish

ideal communitystandards

Choose Civility!• It is quite possible to be true to one’s beliefs

and be civil at the same time• The issue is not whether to stand firm or to

compromise, but how to express our firmness

Just Say YES to Civility

www.OshkoshCivilityProject.org