National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik1 Regional Tarbiy’yat...

04/19/03 Nasir M. Malik 1

National Tarbiy’yat Department Marital Harmony

Regional Tarbiy’yat Program

MARITAL HARMONY



Regional Tarbiy’yat ProgramTilawat (4:1-2, 4:35, 31:15-16)

Program Overview

Group Discussion

Group Presentations/Q&A

Concluding Remarks & Dua



I seek refuge with Allah from the accursed Satan.

I begin in the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.



O ye people! Fear your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and created therefrom its mate, and from them twain spread many men and women; and fear Allaah, in Whose name



and fear Allaah, in Whose name you appeal to one another, and fear Him particularly regarding ties of relationship. Verily, Allaah watches over you. (Al-Nisa, 4:2)



Men are guardians over women because Allah has made some of them excel others, and because they spend of their wealth. So virtuous women are those who are obedient, and guard the



secrets of their husbands with Allah’s protection. And as for those on whose part you fear disobedience, admonish them and leave them alone in their beds, and chastise them. Then if



they obey you, seek not a way against them. Surely, Allah is High, Great. (Al-Nisa, 4:35)



And We have enjoined on man concerning his parents – his mother bears him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years – ‘Give thanks to Me and to thy parents. Unto Me is the final return.’ (Luqman, 31:15)



‘And if they contend with thee to make thee setup equals with Me concerning which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not, but be a kind companion to them in all worldly affairs;



and in spiritual matters follow the way of him who turns to Me. Then unto Me will be your return and I shall inform you of what you used to do.’ (Luqman, 31:16)




Program Overview

Group Discussion





Group Discussion• Purpose of an Islamic Family• R&R of Islamic Family Members• Criteria/Process for Spouse Selection• Dos & Don’ts for Marital Harmony• Sources of Problems in the Family • Islamic Ways of Problem Resolution



Purpose of an Islamic Family• Please Allah (a sacred responsibility)• Lead a pious, chaste and peaceful life• Procreate per the Divine Scheme• Practice of the Holy Prophet (saws)• Adopt and Promote Islamic Values• Exercise all God-Given faculties properly• Lead a responsible and disciplined life• Develop a peaceful and healthy society• Develop ties of Kinship• Love and Be Loved



R&R of Family Members• R&R Change over time• Be a Garment for each other• Spend Quality Time together• Be Patient, Flexible and Helpful • Love and Respect all family members• Care for and Share with all family members• Husband: Provider, Protector, Disciplinarian• Wife: Keeper, Supporter, Care Giver, Trainer • Children: Comforter (Respect, Obedience, …) • Parents: Guardians, Trainers and Role Models• Pray Together and Stay Together



Criteria for Spouse Selection• Believing Partners (within jama’at)• Taqwa – Righteousness, Piety, Modesty, Humility, …• Compatibility (Family, Values, Wealth, …)• Compatibility (Religious and Moral Training) • Compatibility (Age, Education, Ambitions, …)• Compatibility (Physical, Health, …)• Compatibility (Cultural, …)• Realistic Expectations• Marriageable Relatives• Synergistic/Win-Win Partnership



Process for Spouse Selection• Prayers/Istikhara (Guidance, Wisdom, Patience)• Qaul-e-Sadeed – Straightforward Talk • Gather Unbiased Data (Surrogates, Jama’at)• Verify Data (Surrogates, Jama’at) • Analyze Data (Candidates – Objectivity)• Preliminary Selection (Candidates, Guardians) • Interview Candidates (Candidates, Guardians)• Reach Consensus (Candidates, Guardians)• Final Selection (Candidates)• Prayers/Istikhara (Success, Protection)



Dos for Marital Harmony• Pray together• Commit for life• Give than Take • Love and Respect• Cover and Protect • Be Compassionate• Be Honest and Sincere• Be Kind, Fair and Just• Be Patient and Tolerant • Trust & Be Trustworthy

• Accept each other• Appreciate each other• Harmonize Differences • Express your gratitude• Be Realistic• Communicate• Control Anger



Don’ts for Marital Harmony• No Cheating or Lying• Avoid Negative Criticism • No Abuse (Verbal, Physical or Emotional) • Avoid Unnecessary Suspicion and Curiosity• Avoid Manipulation • Don’t Ridicule• Don’t Whine• Don’t be presumptuous• Don’t take each other for granted• Don’t Quit



Sources of Problems• Interference (Friends, Parents, In-Laws)• Unrealistic Expectations / Peer Pressure• Lack of Effective Communication• Shortsightedness / Selfishness• Ignorance / Incompatibility• Ego / Temper / Jealousy• Western Values• Lack of Trust• Suspicion• Finances



Ways of Problem Resolution• Humility / Prayers• Forgive and Forget• Look for more than one solution • Give than Take / Avoid escalation• Address the problem, not the person• As-Sulho Khair – Reconciliation is the Best • Mutual Resolution (Individuals, Families, Friends)• Engage Responsible Jama’at Elders (Arbitration)• Engage Umoor-e-Aamma (Local/National)• Engage Jama’at Qadha System




Program Overview

Group Discussion





Regional Tarbiy’yat Program

MARITAL BLISS



Promote Marital Bliss• Pre-Marital Upbringing (parents)• Pre-Marital Training (jama’at)• Pre-Marital Counseling• Post Marital Counseling• Post Marital Mentoring



Wedding Ceremonies• Nikah Guidelines

– Satisfy State/Local Legal Requirements– Obtain Marriage License/Certificate– Pronounce Nikah (by Missionary or Rep)

• Celebration Guidelines– Modesty in Ceremonies– Proper Arrangements/Setup



PRACTICE• Celebrate your Family TODAY• Review with your Family TODAY• Make an incremental improvement• Donate to Maryam Marriage Fund

National Tarbiy’yat DepartmentMarital Harmony 04/19/03Nasir M. Malik1 Regional Tarbiy’yat...

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