Mcguffy's News Brockville

GRIER GABLESWe specialize in Beginners Riding Lessons: English & WesternWe have boarding facilities at affordable pricing!TACK SHOP - Opening Oct. 6, For The Horse LoverQuality Riding Apparel, Clothing, Equipment & SaddlesSATURDAY/SUNDAY 10-2 MONDAY-FRIDAY By Appointment

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June 30, 2012

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Helping You Make The Right Move!

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Direct: 613-498-7547

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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

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Brockville and1000 Islands

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Late For WorkTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always

late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

Scared DriverA passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him some-

thing. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t real-ize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving dead bodies to mortuary for the last 25 years.”

Empowering Thoughts

Qui

ck

Joke

Statistically Speaking

Tea Facts

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. ~ B. OlatunjiAll our life passes in this way: we seek rest by struggling against certain obstacles, and once they are overcome, rest proves intolerable because of the boredom it produces. ~ Blaise Pascal, PenseesDon’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~ David FrostLife is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end. ~ Joanne Harris, ChocolatImagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain. ~ Arabian Proverb

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund? Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Overall, one-quarter of Canadians reported they had eaten something from a fast-food outlet in the last 24 hours. Among teenagers 14 to 18, the propor-tion was one-third. Men ages 19 to 30 were the most likely to get food on the go; 39 per cent of them had done so on the day they were interviewed.

1. Tea comes from the leaves of a tree called Camellia sinensis. The three main types of tea are Black, Oolong and Green. Herbal tea does not come from the leaves of a tea plant, therefore, is not considered to be real tea.

2. Black & Green teas contains catechins, a type of antioxidant, which has been found to reduce people's risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

3. Tea can reduce puffy eyes. Lie on your back and place a moist, cool teabag over each eye, and leave on for around 20 minutes. Your eyes will feel fresher, brighter, look revitalised.

GrIEr GABLES LESSOnS-BOArDInG-TACk SHOP

EMPOwEr nETwOrk

Dk&L FLOOrInG

THE OILY PEnGuIn

MOBILE VACCuuM CEnTEr

Qui

ck

Fact

Slinkys were invented by an airplane mechanic; he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use of one of the springs.

Have You Ever Pondered?Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$”

Little Bear Bookkeepingwww.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper613-246-6482

Start UpBank ReconciliationGov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’sSource DocumentationMonthly Financial Statements

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For All Your Hardwood NeedsSpecializing in renishing Old Wood Floors

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HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

BESTPRICEALWAYS

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKS

Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

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Sam’s September and October Line-Up:

Gypsy MoonSept 28

Sept 29 Swing & Stroke Day (sign up at bar)

Real DealOct 5

The Journey MenOct 12

Blues HighwayOct 19

Gypsy Moon(Sam’s Halloween Party)

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Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHUFinancial Security Advisor613-342-4401, ext. [email protected]

Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

True Colors

Qui

ck

rid

dle

The Measure Of LifeThere was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to

judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

when they had all gone and come back, he called them together to de-scribe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no—it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but OnLY one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are—and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life—can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

MOrAL: If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall. Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one dif-ficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

what is harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath!

macdaddydesign.co.uk


When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget? ~ Howard Ikemoto

Most Outrageous

A member of Ohio’s 5694th national Guard unit in Mansfield legally changed his name from Scott nall to the Transformers’ famous character, the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. Mr. Prime legally changed his name to his childhood hero on his 30th birthday and has since then been known to all as the Transform-ers’ character.

In 2007, Seattle man Jason Michael Burrows changed his name to include a character from the famous cartoon-turned-movie, Transformers as well. Mr. Burrows is now known as “Jason Megatron Burrows,” named after the popular machine hero that’s “more than meets the eye.”

Name Changes

Good Cook

A Child’s View of Life

Silly

Q

uote “I think I should get a dog so he can stick his

head out of the window when I drive. It looks so silly when I do it.”

QuizTelevision NeighborsHow well do you know your neighbors? we’ll give you the neighbors, you tell us the show...

Answer:

Jerry and Millie Helper • Dick Van Dyke Show• My Three Sons• Leave it to Beaver• I Love Lucy

Dick Van Dyke Show

The School Teacher asks, “now, Johnny, tell me frankly. Do you say your prayers before eating?”

“no sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hit-ting the bottle.’

PunnyTwo fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam”.

♪ Music Notes ♫• Timothy Leary and Tommy Smothers did some

of the background clapping on John’s song, “Give Peace a Chance,” recorded in a hotel in Montreal.

• At the first Grammy Awards, held on the 4th of May 1959, Domenico Modugno beat out Frank Sinatra and Peggy Lee for the record of the Year, with “Volare.”

• Elvis only ever did one advert — on radio for doughnuts in 1954.

• The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name) is Beard.

Courtney Sadler Owner73 King St W

Brockville, ON

Open 7 Days a Week!

Great Summer Reading Titles!Give us a call 613-342-5728

www.leedscountybooks.caThis area’s #1 supplier of river charts, topographical

maps & regional books! Shop Online With Us

HWY 29 Auto Service

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We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

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Relaxing Application ofEssential Oils to Feet & Back....MAGNIFICENT!

Detox & De-stress100% Pure Essential Oils90 Minute Treatment

Kerry BuntOwner

613-924-6165Call today for an appointment

First Visit $15Reg $75

Gift Certi�catesAvailable!

Call Jon (613) 342 0428

This double size adis available foryour business!

Affordable PricesHILLCREST PLAZA

ELIZABETHTOWN, ONT.(613) 498-2360

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Global Convenience

Good Advice

Tough Boss

Time Waits For No OneTo realize the value of one year: . . . Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

when an employee asked his boss for a day off of work, his boss looked him squarely in the eyes and said “I’d love to give you the day off but, if I let you have the day off, I’ll have to give a day off to every employee whose wife has just given birth to triplets!”

7-11 was the first outlet of their kind to operate around the clock, sell fresh coffee in disposable cups, provide self-serve soda bars, offer all major brands of soft drinks, and serve extra large drinks. To promote all this, they also became the first convenience store to advertise, producing an ad for television in 1949 that featured an animated rooster and crow, symbolic of when they were open.

Their 5800 stores in the u.S. and Canada, and a total of 25,000 world-wide, make them the largest retail convenience stores in the world.

Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly and pray continually. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...

It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

CRO

SSW

ORD

Secretary

Across2. Stenographer4. Put papers in order6. Machine for writing7. Computer letter writing11. written corre-

spondence12. Communication device14. Data processor15. Furniture for sitting

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Cranium Crackers

There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?

There is actually only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.Answer:

I Have Learned I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will

elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

~ Age 65

• Don’t assume a senior citizen is weak and frail; they may zap you with lightning bolts.

• never assume that carbonating someone is “all too easy”

• never tell strange creatures in a bar that you’ll be careful.

• when you protest about the terms of an agree-ment, the terms might be altered further.

• You never know what a day is gonna bring.... • After spending several

months in deep-frost, your vision will be blurry

• when in doubt, follow the garbage

• Size matters not (now there’s one you can use in

Star Wars FunniesThings I have learned from Star Wars:

Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution

Qui

ck

Quo

te

The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.

Marveling At The Moon• Astronaut neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot.• Approximately 115 tons of ocean salt spray enters the earth’s atmosphere

each second.• The first woman in space was a russian called Valentina Tereshkova.• Buzz Aldrin was the first man to pee on the moon. He used his relief

tube live on TV with 1/5 of the world watching• Armstrong’s quote “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for

mankind” was said 6 1/2 hours after landing. Armstrong claimed he said “a man” which was inaudible due to static.

Celebrity QuotesWhat is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grand-parents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~ Bill Cosby

Bizarre Laws Rhode Island You may not bite off another person’s leg.South Carolina If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.Tennessee Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

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Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

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Denture Specialist

Aqua Plus Pools

Adam FishOwner

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Contact the Pool Experts today to Maintain your Pool or Spa

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A�ordable Pricing! Call us for details!

The Canadian Hearing Society

• improve communication • improve safety in your home

• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Itrix

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200

Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary

ColemanOwner

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles

Gift CertificatesAvailable 46 King St East, Brockville, On

613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

New Fall ArrivalsFootwear

& Accessories!

6 Beverly StreetSpencerville, ON.613-658-3101

FIRE UP YOUR SAVINGSUP TO $500in Rebates

on selected modelsexpires September 30/12(see in stores for details)

Fireplaces ~ Inserts ~ Wood Stoves1-888-370-9859www.thestovestore.netthestovestore@ripnet.com

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Senior’s Discounts

Free

Estimates

New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]

Back to School Specials!Quality Refurbished Computers

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Voice over IP Serviceall calls in Canada and USA are free

Business Service - Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation

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Your Business Should STAND OUT!and it will in your LOCAL McGu�y`s!

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Just OneJust One Can...One vote can change a nation. One sunbeam can light a room.One candle can wipe out darkness. One laugh can conquer gloom.

A Fresh Perspective "THE TEACHEr"

There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. But that was im-possible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson actually began to take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last.

However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around." His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his class-mates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle." His third grade teacher wrote, "Teddy's mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas pres-ents wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to

say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular atten-tion to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best- the favorite teacher he had in his whole life. Another four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favor-ite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer- the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He ex-plained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhine-stones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

"Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

Cheque Came BackDoctor: Hello. I’m calling about the cheque you wrote. It came back.

Old Patient: So did my arthritis.

Courtney Sadler Owner73 King St W

Brockville, ON

Open 7 Days a Week!

Great Summer Reading Titles!Give us a call 613-342-5728

www.leedscountybooks.caThis area’s #1 supplier of river charts, topographical

maps & regional books! Shop Online With Us

HWY 29 Auto Service

#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On

613-342-5249

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

Call Today!Shop & Compare

Exhaust ~ Transmission Service

Front Brakes$79.99

(pads & rotors)

Struts$79.99

(installed)WOW!

VISIT

Ou

r n

Ew w

EBSITE w

ww

.MC

Gu

FFYSnEw

SBrOC

kV

ILLE.CA

!

Relaxing Application ofEssential Oils to Feet & Back....MAGNIFICENT!

Detox & De-stress100% Pure Essential Oils90 Minute Treatment

Kerry BuntOwner

613-924-6165Call today for an appointment

First Visit $15Reg $75

Gift Certi�catesAvailable!

Call Jon (613) 342 0428

This double size adis available foryour business!

Affordable PricesHILLCREST PLAZA

ELIZABETHTOWN, ONT.(613) 498-2360

TUES - FRI (9-5)SAT (9-12)

CUTS, COLOURS, PERMS & WAXING

JUDY’S HAIR SALON & BARBERSHOP

Call Jon to Advertise

613 342 0428

Global Convenience

Good Advice

Tough Boss

Time Waits For No OneTo realize the value of one year: . . . Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

when an employee asked his boss for a day off of work, his boss looked him squarely in the eyes and said “I’d love to give you the day off but, if I let you have the day off, I’ll have to give a day off to every employee whose wife has just given birth to triplets!”

7-11 was the first outlet of their kind to operate around the clock, sell fresh coffee in disposable cups, provide self-serve soda bars, offer all major brands of soft drinks, and serve extra large drinks. To promote all this, they also became the first convenience store to advertise, producing an ad for television in 1949 that featured an animated rooster and crow, symbolic of when they were open.

Their 5800 stores in the u.S. and Canada, and a total of 25,000 world-wide, make them the largest retail convenience stores in the world.

Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly and pray continually. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass...

It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

CRO

SSW

ORD

Secretary

Across2. Stenographer4. Put papers in order6. Machine for writing7. Computer letter writing11. written corre-

spondence12. Communication device14. Data processor15. Furniture for sitting

Down

1. word book3. Scheduled event5. unity8. Measuring stick9. Date book10. Desk covering13. Place of business

Cranium Crackers

There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?

There is actually only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.Answer:

I Have Learned I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will

elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

~ Age 65

• Don’t assume a senior citizen is weak and frail; they may zap you with lightning bolts.

• never assume that carbonating someone is “all too easy”

• never tell strange creatures in a bar that you’ll be careful.

• when you protest about the terms of an agree-ment, the terms might be altered further.

• You never know what a day is gonna bring.... • After spending several

months in deep-frost, your vision will be blurry

• when in doubt, follow the garbage

• Size matters not (now there’s one you can use in

Star Wars FunniesThings I have learned from Star Wars:

Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution

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The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.

Marveling At The Moon• Astronaut neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot.• Approximately 115 tons of ocean salt spray enters the earth’s atmosphere

each second.• The first woman in space was a russian called Valentina Tereshkova.• Buzz Aldrin was the first man to pee on the moon. He used his relief

tube live on TV with 1/5 of the world watching• Armstrong’s quote “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for

mankind” was said 6 1/2 hours after landing. Armstrong claimed he said “a man” which was inaudible due to static.

Celebrity QuotesWhat is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grand-parents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~ Bill Cosby

Bizarre Laws Rhode Island You may not bite off another person’s leg.South Carolina If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.Tennessee Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

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True Colors

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The Measure Of LifeThere was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to

judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

when they had all gone and come back, he called them together to de-scribe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no—it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but OnLY one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are—and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life—can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

MOrAL: If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall. Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one dif-ficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

what is harder to catch the faster you run?

Your breath!



When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget? ~ Howard Ikemoto

Most Outrageous

A member of Ohio’s 5694th national Guard unit in Mansfield legally changed his name from Scott nall to the Transformers’ famous character, the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. Mr. Prime legally changed his name to his childhood hero on his 30th birthday and has since then been known to all as the Transform-ers’ character.

In 2007, Seattle man Jason Michael Burrows changed his name to include a character from the famous cartoon-turned-movie, Transformers as well. Mr. Burrows is now known as “Jason Megatron Burrows,” named after the popular machine hero that’s “more than meets the eye.”

Name Changes

Good Cook

A Child’s View of Life

Silly

Q

uote “I think I should get a dog so he can stick his

head out of the window when I drive. It looks so silly when I do it.”

QuizTelevision NeighborsHow well do you know your neighbors? we’ll give you the neighbors, you tell us the show...

Answer:

Jerry and Millie Helper • Dick Van Dyke Show• My Three Sons• Leave it to Beaver• I Love Lucy

Dick Van Dyke Show

The School Teacher asks, “now, Johnny, tell me frankly. Do you say your prayers before eating?”

“no sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hit-ting the bottle.’

PunnyTwo fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam”.

♪ Music Notes ♫• Timothy Leary and Tommy Smothers did some

of the background clapping on John’s song, “Give Peace a Chance,” recorded in a hotel in Montreal.

• At the first Grammy Awards, held on the 4th of May 1959, Domenico Modugno beat out Frank Sinatra and Peggy Lee for the record of the Year, with “Volare.”

• Elvis only ever did one advert — on radio for doughnuts in 1954.

• The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name) is Beard.

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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

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Late For WorkTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always

late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”“That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

Scared DriverA passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him some-

thing. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t real-ize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving dead bodies to mortuary for the last 25 years.”

Empowering Thoughts

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Statistically Speaking

Tea Facts

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. ~ B. OlatunjiAll our life passes in this way: we seek rest by struggling against certain obstacles, and once they are overcome, rest proves intolerable because of the boredom it produces. ~ Blaise Pascal, PenseesDon’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~ David FrostLife is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end. ~ Joanne Harris, ChocolatImagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain. ~ Arabian Proverb

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund? Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Overall, one-quarter of Canadians reported they had eaten something from a fast-food outlet in the last 24 hours. Among teenagers 14 to 18, the propor-tion was one-third. Men ages 19 to 30 were the most likely to get food on the go; 39 per cent of them had done so on the day they were interviewed.

1. Tea comes from the leaves of a tree called Camellia sinensis. The three main types of tea are Black, Oolong and Green. Herbal tea does not come from the leaves of a tea plant, therefore, is not considered to be real tea.

2. Black & Green teas contains catechins, a type of antioxidant, which has been found to reduce people's risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

3. Tea can reduce puffy eyes. Lie on your back and place a moist, cool teabag over each eye, and leave on for around 20 minutes. Your eyes will feel fresher, brighter, look revitalised.

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THE OILY PEnGuIn

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Fact

Slinkys were invented by an airplane mechanic; he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use of one of the springs.

Have You Ever Pondered?Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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