Mcguffy's News Prescott vol 05 Issue 28
8
D P @ 555 King St. W., Prescott ON 613-925-2887 www.dentistryatprescott.ca Accepting New Patients Sedation Dentistry “where the customer walks all over them” Flooring Sales ● Professional Installation ● Complete Home Restoration FREE in Home Consultation 613-925-1450 2850 Edward St. N Prescott, Ontario [email protected] Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129 24/7 Service Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc. 3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT. Call the plumbing & water experts today! PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS · FLEET TRUCKS · PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT · SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES · REAL ESTATE SIGNS · ILLUMINATED SIGNS PROFESSIONAL SIGNS SPECIALIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS Check us out at : www.tntdynamitesigns.com 248 Park St., W., Prescott 613-925-3784 www.chartwellreit.ca MAYFIELD RETIREMENT RESIDENCE Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car Now they need you to help them make the right decision Al Stuart 2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON. 613-925-3147 Heating & Cooling Systems since 1904 www.stuartheating.com Stuart Heating & Cooling Get up to $200 In rebates on New Air conditioning! Summer is coming! Call us today For Air Conditioning Maintenance! Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected] Johnstown, On Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer 613-925-5560 Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons VOL. 5 Issue 28 Prescott Leeds & Grenville www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca e Art Collector A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. e store-owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.” e collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. e collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. e cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.” e owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.” e Zoo One day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” It’s such a nice day, I think I’ll take Joe to the zoo.” “I wouldn’t bother,” said father. “If they want him, let them come and get him!”
description
Mcguffy's News Prescott vol 05 Issue 28
Transcript of Mcguffy's News Prescott vol 05 Issue 28
5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!
DP@ 555 King St. W., Prescott ON613-925-2887 www.dentistryatprescott.ca
AcceptingNew PatientsSedationDentistry
“where the customer walks all over them”Flooring Sales ● Professional Installation ● Complete Home Restoration
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Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129
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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com
McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer
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Great Summer PricesOn New Fishing
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VOL.
5
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e 28 Prescott
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The Art Collectora famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a
mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. he does a double take.
he knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store-owner replies, “i’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”The collector says, “please, i need a hungry cat around the house to catch
mice. i’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”and the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.The collector continues, “hey, for the twenty bucks i wonder if you could
throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week i’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
The Zooone day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” it’s such a
nice day, i think i’ll take Joe to the zoo.”“i wouldn’t bother,” said father. “if they want him, let them come
and get him!”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Statistics
Develop a passion for learning. if you do, you will never cease to grow. ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. ~ Brian TracyDream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~ Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can be-come it. ~ William Arthur Ward When God solves your problems, you have faith in his abilities; when God doesn’t solve your problems, he has faith in your abilities. ~ Unknown
a thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. a spokesperson was quoted as saying, “we have absolutely nothing to go on.
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he
feels fine.
Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.
Better things for better living through chemistry.
dupont answer:
during the persian Gulf war, i was assigned to go to
Saudi arabia. as i was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “no, daddy, please don’t go!” he kept repeating.
we were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, “Let daddy go and i’ll take you to get a pizza.”
immediately, christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, “Bye, daddy.”
Daddy is Going to War True Story
Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON
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HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?
Email the [email protected]
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Einstein And His Chauffeur
I Believe
Getting Old
Celebrity Quotes
oLd BaSketBaLL pLaYerS ... ... never die, they just go on dribbling.
i believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
when albert einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. one night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.
“i have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “i’ve heard you give this speech so many times. i’ll bet i could give it for you.”
einstein laughed loudly and said, “why not? Let’s do it!”when they arrived at the dinner, einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and
jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendi-tion of einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.
without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that i will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Silly
Q
uote “in primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground
with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.”
Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard. ~ Steve Carell
Your True Colors
Job Application Blunders
Be Beautiful
Best GiftsThe best gifts to give
to your friend - loyalty; to your enemy - forgiveness; to your boss - service; to a child - a good example; to your parents - gratitude and devotion; to your mate - love and faithfulness; to all men and women - charity.
a child told the mother: “mum you are very beautiful today.” replied the mother: “why?” The child said: “Because you did not get angry today.”moral of the story: it is easy to possess beauty: - do not get angry.
The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the re-former, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understand-ing of life. ~ henry miller
Qui
ck
rid
dle what did pony express riders ride after dark?
nightmares!
• “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
• “experienced supervisor, defective with rookies and seasoned professionals.”
• “please call me after 5:30. i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job.”
• “it’s best for employers that i not work with people.”
• “i’m extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
• “i planned a new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
• personal interests: “donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
• “education: college, august 1880 - may 1984.”
Here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:
Senior’s Discounts
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New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]
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Sam’s July & August Line-Up:
July 13 Blues HighwayJuly 20 Gypsy MoonJuly 27 City LimitsAug 3 Jack Daniels BandAug 10 Blues Highway
Aug 17 Little CaliforniaAug 24
Gypsy MoonAug 31 City Limits
Aug 25th 4th Annual Sam’sboat cruise$35 p.p. tickets
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Business Service - Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation
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Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00
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Marveling At The Moon
About Life
Words to Live By
One Hundred Dollars
CRO
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outdoorsman
Across4. wild animals7. advisor10. canvas domicile11. earned award13. Light boat17. water vehicle18. angling
19. tent
Down1. outdoor fire2. activities that renew3. makes by hand5. Brief letter
6. aquatic activity8. wagon towed by a car9. canvas shoes12. plunging into water14. Skills16. a long walk
anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one?
no, i’d rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.
inspirational motto about Life Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. ~ Karen Kaiser Clark
alan Shepard was the second person and the first american to go into space. he did so may 5, 1961, aboard Freedom 7. he flew into space again in 1971, commanding the apollo 14 mission to the moon ( January 31-Feb-ruary 9, 1971).
Did You Know?
Bloopers in Church Bulletins
Marketing Gone Awrya nice cross cultural example of the fact that all pictures or symbols are
not interpreted the same across the world: staff at the african port of Steva-dores saw the “internationally recognized” symbol for “fragile” (i.e. broken wine glass) and presumed it was a box of broken glass. rather than waste space they threw all the boxes into the sea!
• tap dancing originates from irish clog dancing and what is called the irish reel and jig.
• a person from the country of nauru is called a nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.
• The word “modem” is a contraction of the words “modulate, demodulate.” • oliver cromwell was hanged and decapitated two years after he had died. • in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. • iowa has more independent telephone companies than any other state. • many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. • hamsters love to eat crickets. • The word “queueing” is the only english word with five consecutive vowels.
♪ Music Notes ♫
“mr. mojo risin” is an anagram for Jim morrison.
Redundant Again
• awful bad• basic fundamentals• component parts• begin to proceed• boiling hot
• null and void• cease and desist• circulated around• kitty cat
Name Change“mom, can i please change my name right now?” asked Ben.
“But why would you want to do that, dear?” asked his mom.“Because dad said he’s going to spank me as sure as my name’s Benjamin!”
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth into Joy.”
if you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.
Qui
ck
Quo
te The future will be better tomorrow. ~ Dan Quayle
Good Questions
1. how come wrong numbers are never busy?
2. how dead is the dead Sea?
3. how did a fool and his money get together?
4. how did the man who invented cottage cheese
know he was done?
5. how do i set my laser printer on stun?
Awkward Momentsdon't you hate the awkward moment when you’re visiting someone and the only photo they have of you features you in the exact same clothes you’re wearing.
I Have Learned
i’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.
~ age 26
WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists
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Yard Boss
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“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
ByChris
- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
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Auto Parts
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Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205
Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)
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Weddings & AnniversariesProms & GraduationsBirths & Baby ShowersBirthdays & House Parties
Party Sense "Be Di�erent! - WOW THEM WITH BALLOONS!"
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Receptions & PromotionsGet Well Wishes
Bon VoyageCorporate Parties & Events
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Also delete 613-657-1764 (tel) and also the word (cell)
Did you know that U.S. citizens and green cardholders living in Canada need to �le a U.S. tax return?
84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,
http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, uSa 303-286-9900 [email protected]
A Fresh Perspective Joanne, who subscribed to our QBQ! Quicknote list last year, recently sent me
a nice email saying she was unsubscribing because i was "preaching to the choir."Yet, she loves our stuff. i know that because in her note she told me she buys our
books and gives them away to people! But the QBQ! Quicknotes she's been receiving are, what? ... redundant to
what she believes? color me confused.Let me tell you something:i am the guy who wrote the QBQ! and Flipping the Switch books and i still
need to hear their messages every single day. otherwise, i fall into the human traps of victim thinking, complaining, procrastination, and blame.
But, since she's a consumer of our product and i'm all salesperson, i wrote her back saying politely, "Thanks for your belief, Joanne. Sorry to see you go. take care." i chose to not try to change her mind as i've learned one can rarely win an email debate. maybe you've found that to be true, too.
But i thought to myself: well, i still need to hear this stuff, because i am so So human!
and that humaness comes out mostly in wanting to change other people. how about you? anyone you wish would change?
i tend to want to change these people: * politicians who spin, lie, deceive, and pander to win an election * people who say one thing and do another (see above) * executives who choose to not hire QBQ, inc. but pass the decision to us
through an assistant * people who put "policies before people" * Those who aren't an "eStJ" like me (myers Briggs' language). See me here * people who don't do things the way i would do them (see directly above) * The dad who verbally tore his 11-year-old son apart in the grocery store last
week, shaming him to his core, because the boy couldn't find an item. we prefer this approach: parenting the QBQ way
* drivers who risk my family's life running a red light when the cops aren't around
* people who think other people should pay higher taxes, the Federal gov't ex-ists to take care of us, and "occupiers" who stand for little more than envy
* Those who ask for advice but then don't take it * anyone who misunderstands mei probably sound pretty uptight to you. actually, not so much.i turn 54 this month and—being almost grown up, i'm getting much better on
this whole wanting and needing to change others thing. ask my wise wife, karen (an "eSFp"—meet her [7]here), who i first asked on a date almost 36 years ago. She'll tell i'm growing up slowly.
part of this personal growth has come from the natural mellowing and winnow-ing process called "life." But like all of you believers in the Quicknote messages you receive, i also have access to this tool called [8]QBQ! The Question Behind the Question that helps me stay focused on the only person i can change:
me.powerful and accountable questions (QBQs) like, "how can i change myself ?""what can i do to let go?" and "how can i be my best today?" aren't new to you
fans of all things QBQ! But if you've been using our stuff as long as you've been getting it from us, you know it works. You also know that we all need to keep hear-ing it if we're to ever "flip the switch."
in the end, the critical thing is for me to keep preaching personal accountabil-ity to this choir of one. The truth is nobody ever arrives.
not even the choir. John G. miller
Traffic Lawsdriving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs is never a good
thing, some jurisdictions have laws that go a little too far. in virginia Beach, va., and in texas, if you and the person who is driv-
ing the car is drunk, both will be charged. if you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated in new Jersey,
you’ll no longer be eligible to apply for personalized license plates.
Sudoku Solution crossword SolutionGrowing Fast
Take A Guess
a hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.Can You Guess what it is?
Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, “wow, your hair is grow-ing so fast! You need a haircut again.”
Little Johnny replied, “maybe you should stop watering it so much.”
a centipede flipped over.
WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists
613 - 658 - 204810 Spencer St, Spencerville, ON
We Service
What We Sell!
Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws
CheckOut
Our Summer
Specials!
Brush & Edge Trimmers
We sharpen Chainsaw & Mower Blades
Look To Us For All Your Outdoor Needs!
Yard Boss
109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734
“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!
Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts
ByChris
- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant
HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.
Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com
Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund
613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com
Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology
“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”
• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!
Denture Specialist
Auto Parts
King Edward Auto Parts LTD
Ralph MurphyOwner
476 King ST West Prescott, ON613 - 925 - 1000 (Fax) 613-925-1002
Lawn & Garden Battery#4UL1
$19.95(after mail-in rebate*) exchange
Special o�er!
Starting at$59.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Starting Batteries(#24M4BAT)
Starting at$89.95 exchange
Carquest Marine Deep-Cycle Batteries(#DC24BAT)
The Canadian Hearing Society
• improve communication • improve safety in your home
• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries
Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205
Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7
2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario
Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...
Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)
613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]
~ FIND US ON FACEBOOK ~
Put Your Info
HERE!
Advertisein McGu�y’s
Great Results!613 342 0428
jon@mcgu�ysnews.com
C - Way Services
Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915
www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada
Call Jonfor details.
(613) 342-0428
Advertise Your Spa Specialties.
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Did you know that U.S. citizens and green cardholders living in Canada need to �le a U.S. tax return?
84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014
John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,
http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, uSa 303-286-9900 [email protected]
A Fresh Perspective Joanne, who subscribed to our QBQ! Quicknote list last year, recently sent me
a nice email saying she was unsubscribing because i was "preaching to the choir."Yet, she loves our stuff. i know that because in her note she told me she buys our
books and gives them away to people! But the QBQ! Quicknotes she's been receiving are, what? ... redundant to
what she believes? color me confused.Let me tell you something:i am the guy who wrote the QBQ! and Flipping the Switch books and i still
need to hear their messages every single day. otherwise, i fall into the human traps of victim thinking, complaining, procrastination, and blame.
But, since she's a consumer of our product and i'm all salesperson, i wrote her back saying politely, "Thanks for your belief, Joanne. Sorry to see you go. take care." i chose to not try to change her mind as i've learned one can rarely win an email debate. maybe you've found that to be true, too.
But i thought to myself: well, i still need to hear this stuff, because i am so So human!
and that humaness comes out mostly in wanting to change other people. how about you? anyone you wish would change?
i tend to want to change these people: * politicians who spin, lie, deceive, and pander to win an election * people who say one thing and do another (see above) * executives who choose to not hire QBQ, inc. but pass the decision to us
through an assistant * people who put "policies before people" * Those who aren't an "eStJ" like me (myers Briggs' language). See me here * people who don't do things the way i would do them (see directly above) * The dad who verbally tore his 11-year-old son apart in the grocery store last
week, shaming him to his core, because the boy couldn't find an item. we prefer this approach: parenting the QBQ way
* drivers who risk my family's life running a red light when the cops aren't around
* people who think other people should pay higher taxes, the Federal gov't ex-ists to take care of us, and "occupiers" who stand for little more than envy
* Those who ask for advice but then don't take it * anyone who misunderstands mei probably sound pretty uptight to you. actually, not so much.i turn 54 this month and—being almost grown up, i'm getting much better on
this whole wanting and needing to change others thing. ask my wise wife, karen (an "eSFp"—meet her [7]here), who i first asked on a date almost 36 years ago. She'll tell i'm growing up slowly.
part of this personal growth has come from the natural mellowing and winnow-ing process called "life." But like all of you believers in the Quicknote messages you receive, i also have access to this tool called [8]QBQ! The Question Behind the Question that helps me stay focused on the only person i can change:
me.powerful and accountable questions (QBQs) like, "how can i change myself ?""what can i do to let go?" and "how can i be my best today?" aren't new to you
fans of all things QBQ! But if you've been using our stuff as long as you've been getting it from us, you know it works. You also know that we all need to keep hear-ing it if we're to ever "flip the switch."
in the end, the critical thing is for me to keep preaching personal accountabil-ity to this choir of one. The truth is nobody ever arrives.
not even the choir. John G. miller
Traffic Lawsdriving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs is never a good
thing, some jurisdictions have laws that go a little too far. in virginia Beach, va., and in texas, if you and the person who is driv-
ing the car is drunk, both will be charged. if you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated in new Jersey,
you’ll no longer be eligible to apply for personalized license plates.
Sudoku Solution crossword SolutionGrowing Fast
Take A Guess
a hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.Can You Guess what it is?
Little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, “wow, your hair is grow-ing so fast! You need a haircut again.”
Little Johnny replied, “maybe you should stop watering it so much.”
a centipede flipped over.
Senior’s Discounts
Free
Estimates
New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]
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Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays
Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke
Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm
24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919
Sam’s July & August Line-Up:
July 13 Blues HighwayJuly 20 Gypsy MoonJuly 27 City LimitsAug 3 Jack Daniels BandAug 10 Blues Highway
Aug 17 Little CaliforniaAug 24
Gypsy MoonAug 31 City Limits
Aug 25th 4th Annual Sam’sboat cruise$35 p.p. tickets
(available at bar)
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Marveling At The Moon
About Life
Words to Live By
One Hundred Dollars
CRO
SSW
ORD
outdoorsman
Across4. wild animals7. advisor10. canvas domicile11. earned award13. Light boat17. water vehicle18. angling
19. tent
Down1. outdoor fire2. activities that renew3. makes by hand5. Brief letter
6. aquatic activity8. wagon towed by a car9. canvas shoes12. plunging into water14. Skills16. a long walk
anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one?
no, i’d rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.
inspirational motto about Life Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. ~ Karen Kaiser Clark
alan Shepard was the second person and the first american to go into space. he did so may 5, 1961, aboard Freedom 7. he flew into space again in 1971, commanding the apollo 14 mission to the moon ( January 31-Feb-ruary 9, 1971).
Did You Know?
Bloopers in Church Bulletins
Marketing Gone Awrya nice cross cultural example of the fact that all pictures or symbols are
not interpreted the same across the world: staff at the african port of Steva-dores saw the “internationally recognized” symbol for “fragile” (i.e. broken wine glass) and presumed it was a box of broken glass. rather than waste space they threw all the boxes into the sea!
• tap dancing originates from irish clog dancing and what is called the irish reel and jig.
• a person from the country of nauru is called a nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.
• The word “modem” is a contraction of the words “modulate, demodulate.” • oliver cromwell was hanged and decapitated two years after he had died. • in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. • iowa has more independent telephone companies than any other state. • many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. • hamsters love to eat crickets. • The word “queueing” is the only english word with five consecutive vowels.
♪ Music Notes ♫
“mr. mojo risin” is an anagram for Jim morrison.
Redundant Again
• awful bad• basic fundamentals• component parts• begin to proceed• boiling hot
• null and void• cease and desist• circulated around• kitty cat
Name Change“mom, can i please change my name right now?” asked Ben.
“But why would you want to do that, dear?” asked his mom.“Because dad said he’s going to spank me as sure as my name’s Benjamin!”
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth into Joy.”
if you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.
Qui
ck
Quo
te The future will be better tomorrow. ~ Dan Quayle
Good Questions
1. how come wrong numbers are never busy?
2. how dead is the dead Sea?
3. how did a fool and his money get together?
4. how did the man who invented cottage cheese
know he was done?
5. how do i set my laser printer on stun?
Awkward Momentsdon't you hate the awkward moment when you’re visiting someone and the only photo they have of you features you in the exact same clothes you’re wearing.
I Have Learned
i’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.
~ age 26
Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON
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Einstein And His Chauffeur
I Believe
Getting Old
Celebrity Quotes
oLd BaSketBaLL pLaYerS ... ... never die, they just go on dribbling.
i believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
when albert einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. one night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.
“i have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “i’ve heard you give this speech so many times. i’ll bet i could give it for you.”
einstein laughed loudly and said, “why not? Let’s do it!”when they arrived at the dinner, einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and
jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendi-tion of einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.
without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that i will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
Silly
Q
uote “in primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground
with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.”
Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard. ~ Steve Carell
Your True Colors
Job Application Blunders
Be Beautiful
Best GiftsThe best gifts to give
to your friend - loyalty; to your enemy - forgiveness; to your boss - service; to a child - a good example; to your parents - gratitude and devotion; to your mate - love and faithfulness; to all men and women - charity.
a child told the mother: “mum you are very beautiful today.” replied the mother: “why?” The child said: “Because you did not get angry today.”moral of the story: it is easy to possess beauty: - do not get angry.
The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the re-former, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understand-ing of life. ~ henry miller
Qui
ck
rid
dle what did pony express riders ride after dark?
nightmares!
• “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”
• “experienced supervisor, defective with rookies and seasoned professionals.”
• “please call me after 5:30. i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job.”
• “it’s best for employers that i not work with people.”
• “i’m extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”
• “i planned a new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”
• personal interests: “donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
• “education: college, august 1880 - may 1984.”
Here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:
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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist
Jon: 613 342 [email protected]
Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com
McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer
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VOL.
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The Art Collectora famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a
mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. he does a double take.
he knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store-owner replies, “i’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”The collector says, “please, i need a hungry cat around the house to catch
mice. i’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”and the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.The collector continues, “hey, for the twenty bucks i wonder if you could
throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”
The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week i’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”
The Zooone day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” it’s such a
nice day, i think i’ll take Joe to the zoo.”“i wouldn’t bother,” said father. “if they want him, let them come
and get him!”
Empowering Thoughts
Qui
ck
Joke
Statistics
Develop a passion for learning. if you do, you will never cease to grow. ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. ~ Brian TracyDream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~ Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can be-come it. ~ William Arthur Ward When God solves your problems, you have faith in his abilities; when God doesn’t solve your problems, he has faith in your abilities. ~ Unknown
a thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. a spokesperson was quoted as saying, “we have absolutely nothing to go on.
A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he
feels fine.
Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.
Better things for better living through chemistry.
dupont answer:
during the persian Gulf war, i was assigned to go to
Saudi arabia. as i was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “no, daddy, please don’t go!” he kept repeating.
we were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, “Let daddy go and i’ll take you to get a pizza.”
immediately, christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, “Bye, daddy.”
Daddy is Going to War True Story
