Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

8
Want A Permanent Front Page Lug Location? Call Jon at McGuffy’s News 613-342-0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com 100 FREE 8½ x11 B / W Copies Some conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires May 31, 2011. We Copy & Print Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying Document Finishing Business Cards & Stationery Items Large Format Printing Flyers & Brochures And so much more! 79 –163 Ormond St Brockville, ON K6V 7E6 T: 613.342.0333 [email protected] Some conditions apply. See store for July 31, www.hua-functional-fitness.webs.com HEARD UNDERSTOOD ACKNOWLEDGED Air Conditioned, Clean and Professional! 613-345-1482 NOW OFFERING CLASSES Work Out On Your Own Personal or Group Training Fitness Classes 212 King St W Brockville, On hua-functional-fi[email protected] Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca Brockville and 1000 Islands [email protected] Johnstown, On Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer 613-925-5560 Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons VOL. 5 Issue 28 Did you know that U.S. citizens and green card holders living in Canada need to file a U.S. tax return? www.heatherchapman.ca [email protected] 84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014 e Art Collector A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. e store-owner replies, “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.” e collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. e collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. e cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.” e owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.” e Zoo One day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” It’s such a nice day, I think I’ll take Joe to the zoo.” “I wouldn’t bother,” said father. “If they want him, let them come and get him!”

description

Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Transcript of Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Page 1: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Want A Permanent Front Page Lug Location?Call Jon at McGu�y’s News

613-342-0428jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

100 FREE 8½ x 11 B ⁄ W CopiesSome conditions apply. See store for details. O�er expires May 31, 2011.

We Copy & Print• Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying• Document Finishing• Business Cards & Stationery Items• Large Format Printing• Flyers & Brochures• And so much more!

79 –163 Ormond StBrockville, ON K6V 7E6

T: [email protected]

Some conditions apply. See store for July 31,

www.hua-functional-�tness.webs.comHEARD UNDERSTOOD ACKNOWLEDGED

Air Conditioned, Clean and Professional!

613-345-1482

NOW OFFERING

CLASSES

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Townsman Ltd., BrokerageIndependently owned & operated 116 King Street W., Brockville, On

Helping You Make The Right Move!

Rick Burt C.E.T.Sales Representative

Direct: 613-498-7547

[email protected]

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Rare �nd West End$229,900!Duplex with incomeClose to downtown

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Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915

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5 ads you should check out in this issue!You Should Check This Out!

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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Brockville and1000 Islands

[email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

613-925-5560

Great Summer PricesOn New Fishing

Boats & Pontoons

VOL.

5

Issu

e 28

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PalingS Fun Centre

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leedS COunty BOOkS

Did you know that U.S. citizens and green cardholders living in Canada need to �le a U.S. tax return?

[email protected]

84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014

The Art Collectora famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a

mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. he does a double take.

he knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store-owner replies, “i’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”The collector says, “Please, i need a hungry cat around the house to catch

mice. i’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”and the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.The collector continues, “hey, for the twenty bucks i wonder if you could

throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”

The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week i’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

The ZooOne day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” it’s such a

nice day, i think i’ll take Joe to the zoo.”“i wouldn’t bother,” said father. “if they want him, let them come

and get him!”

Empowering Thoughts

Qui

ck

Joke

during the Persian gulf War, i was assigned to go to Saudi arabia. as i was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “no, daddy, please don’t go!” he kept repeating.

We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, “let daddy go and i’ll take you to get a pizza.”

immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, “Bye, daddy.”

Daddy is Going to War True Story

Develop a passion for learning. if you do, you will never cease to grow. ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. ~ Brian TracyDream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~ Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can be-come it. ~ William Arthur Ward When God solves your problems, you have faith in his abilities; when god doesn’t solve your problems, he has faith in your abilities. ~ Unknown

a thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. a spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

Better things for better living through chemistry.

duPont answer:

Be Beautifula child told the mother: “Mum you are very beautiful today.” replied the mother: “Why?” The child said: “Because you did not get angry today.”Moral of the story: it is easy to possess beauty: - do not get angry.

Page 2: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

“In �e Of Brockville”

What Do You Want

To Re�ect?

Guys & Gals Full Service SalonSteph Saunders Owner

[email protected] 165 King St W Brockville613-498-9898

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$”

Little Bear Bookkeepingwww.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper613-246-6482

Start UpBank ReconciliationGov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’sSource DocumentationMonthly Financial Statements

www.dkl�ooring.com

For All Your Hardwood NeedsSpecializing in renishing Old Wood Floors

“Restore Your Floor and More”

Chris Plume 613-349-4500chris@dkl�ooring.com

Floor Refinishing Fully Licensed & InsuredOver

15 Years

Experience

Loving atmosphereTrims Baths Nails

Paula FairfieldOwner/operatorBrockville, On.

613-345-6220By appointment only

www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

Your parents helped youcross the street safely, learn

to ride a bike and drive a car

248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

Riverside Ford Sales LtdBrockville, ON

613-345-1909

HAVE A QUESTION?OR WANT A QUOTE?

Email the [email protected]

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Einstein And His Chauffeur

I Believe

Getting Old

Celebrity Quotes

Old BaSketBall PlayerS ... ... never die, they just go on dribbling.

i believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

When albert einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.

“i have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “i’ve heard you give this speech so many times. i’ll bet i could give it for you.”

einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? let’s do it!”When they arrived at the dinner, einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and

jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendi-tion of einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that i will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

Silly

Q

uote “in primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground

with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.”

Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard. ~ Steve Carell

Best GiftsThe best gifts to give

to your friend - loyalty; to your enemy - forgiveness; to your boss - service; to a child - a good example; to your parents - gratitude and devotion; to your mate - love and faithfulness; to all men and women - charity.

Your True Colors

Job Application Blunders

The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the re-former, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understand-ing of life. ~ henry Miller

Qui

ck

rid

dle What did Pony express riders ride after dark?

nightmares!

• “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

• “experienced supervisor, defective with rookies and seasoned professionals.”

• “Please call me after 5:30. i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job.”

• “it’s best for employers that i not work with people.”

• “i’m extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

• “i planned a new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

• Personal interests: “donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

• “education: College, august 1880 - May 1984.”

Here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:

Good Questions1. how come wrong numbers are never busy?

2. how dead is the dead Sea?

3. how did a fool and his money get together?

4. how did the man who invented cottage cheese

know he was done?

5. how do i set my laser printer on stun?

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Page 3: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Ph: 613-925-0000Fax: 613-925-0129

24/7 Service

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

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Call the plumbing & water experts today!

73 King St W Brockville, ON 613-342-5728

Check Out Our Summer Reading Titles!

Shop Outside The Box Sale One Day Only!

Sat July 14th30% o� Everything on the bottom shelves!

No Tax on everything else in the store!

HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249

Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service

Summer Special!Save 25% OFF

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

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Advertise YourNon-Pro�t Community Event

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Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)

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McGuffy’sDesigned Ads

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This double size adis available foryour business!

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DRIVING RANGE 2 Baskets / $9

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Outdoorsman

Across4. Wild animals7. advisor10. Canvas domicile11. earned award13. light boat17. Water vehicle18. angling

19. tent

Down1. Outdoor fire2. activities that renew3. Makes by hand5. Brief letter

6. aquatic activity8. Wagon towed by a car9. Canvas shoes12. Plunging into water14. Skills16. a long walk

anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one? no, i’d rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.

inspirational Motto about life Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. ~ Karen Kaiser Clark

alan Shepard was the second person and the first american to go into space. he did so May 5, 1961, aboard Freedom 7. he flew into space again in 1971, commanding the apollo 14 mission to the moon ( January 31-Feb-ruary 9, 1971).

Did You Know?

Bloopers in Church Bulletins

Marketing Gone Awrya nice cross cultural example of the fact that all pictures or symbols are

not interpreted the same across the world: staff at the african port of Steva-dores saw the “internationally recognized” symbol for “fragile” (i.e. broken wine glass) and presumed it was a box of broken glass. rather than waste space they threw all the boxes into the sea!

• tap dancing originates from irish clog dancing and what is called the irish reel and jig.

• a person from the country of nauru is called a nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.

• The word “modem” is a contraction of the words “modulate, demodulate.” • Oliver Cromwell was hanged and decapitated two years after he had died. • in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. • iowa has more independent telephone companies than any other state. • Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. • hamsters love to eat crickets. • The word “queueing” is the only english word with five consecutive vowels.

♪ Music Notes ♫

“Mr. Mojo risin” is an anagram for Jim Morrison.

Redundant Again

• awful bad• basic fundamentals• component parts• begin to proceed• boiling hot

• null and void• cease and desist• circulated around• kitty cat

Name Change“Mom, can i please change my name right now?” asked Ben.

“But why would you want to do that, dear?” asked his Mom.“Because dad said he’s going to spank me as sure as my name’s Benjamin!”

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth into Joy.”

if you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.

I Have Learned

i’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.

age 26

Traffic Laws

driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs is never a good thing, some jurisdictions have laws that go a little too far.

in virginia Beach, va., and in texas, if you and the person who is driving the car is drunk, both will be charged.

if you have been convicted of driving while in-toxicated in new Jersey, you’ll no longer be eligible to apply for personalized license plates.

Take A Guess

a hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.Can You Guess what it is?

a centipede flipped over.

Page 4: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Christie Aluminum Products

Custom windows that are a perfect t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com

Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!

Denture Specialist

Aqua Plus Pools

Adam FishOwner

“Your Bridge Over Troubled Water”

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Contact the Pool Experts today to Maintain your Pool or Spa

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A�ordable Pricing! Call us for details!

The Canadian Hearing Society

• improve communication • improve safety in your home

• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Itrix

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200

Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary

ColemanOwner

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles

Gift CertificatesAvailable 46 King St East, Brockville, On

613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

25% o� Summer Footwear

& Accessories

Put Your Info

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Advertisein McGu�y’s

Great Results!613 342 0428

jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Senior’s Discounts

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New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]

Starting @ $99.00

Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured

Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable

1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]

DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT

Call Jonfor details.

(613) 342-0428

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Voice over IP Serviceall calls in Canada and USA are free

Business Service - Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation

Residential Service - $17.95 - 2 Lines - all features

voice2net.ca Local ServiceBrockville (613) 704-1248 Kingston (613) 777-0355

Your Business Should STAND OUT!and it will in your LOCAL McGu�y`s!

Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428

John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,

http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, uSa 303-286-9900 [email protected]

A Fresh Perspective Joanne, who subscribed to our QBQ! Quicknote list last year, recently sent me

a nice email saying she was unsubscribing because i was "preaching to the choir."yet, she loves our stuff. i know that because in her note she told me she buys our

books and gives them away to people! But the QBQ! Quicknotes she's been receiving are, what? ... redundant to

what she believes? Color me confused.let me tell you something:i am the guy who wrote the QBQ! and Flipping the Switch books and i still

need to hear their messages every single day. Otherwise, i fall into the human traps of victim thinking, complaining, procrastination, and blame.

But, since she's a consumer of our product and i'm all salesperson, i wrote her back saying politely, "Thanks for your belief, Joanne. Sorry to see you go. take care." i chose to not try to change her mind as i've learned one can rarely win an email debate. Maybe you've found that to be true, too.

But i thought to myself: Well, i still need to hear this stuff, because i am so SO human!

and that humaness comes out mostly in wanting to change other people. how about you? anyone you wish would change?

i tend to want to change these people: * Politicians who spin, lie, deceive, and pander to win an election * People who say one thing and do another (see above) * executives who choose to not hire QBQ, inc. but pass the decision to us

through an assistant * People who put "policies before people" * Those who aren't an "eStJ" like me (Myers Briggs' language). See me here * People who don't do things the way i would do them (see directly above) * The dad who verbally tore his 11-year-old son apart in the grocery store last

week, shaming him to his core, because the boy couldn't find an item. We prefer this approach: Parenting the QBQ Way

* drivers who risk my family's life running a red light when the cops aren't around

* People who think other people should pay higher taxes, the Federal gov't ex-ists to take care of us, and "Occupiers" who stand for little more than envy

* Those who ask for advice but then don't take it * anyone who misunderstands mei probably sound pretty uptight to you. actually, not so much.i turn 54 this month and—being almost grown up, i'm getting much better on

this whole wanting and needing to change others thing. ask my wise wife, karen (an "eSFP"—meet her [7]here), who i first asked on a date almost 36 years ago. She'll tell i'm growing up slowly.

Part of this personal growth has come from the natural mellowing and winnow-ing process called "life." But like all of you believers in the Quicknote messages you receive, i also have access to this tool called [8]QBQ! The Question Behind the Question that helps me stay focused on the only person i can change:

Me.Powerful and accountable questions (QBQs) like, "how can i change myself ?""What can i do to let go?" and "how can i be my best today?" aren't new to you

fans of all things QBQ! But if you've been using our stuff as long as you've been getting it from us, you know it works. you also know that we all need to keep hear-ing it if we're to ever "flip the switch."

in the end, the critical thing is for me to keep preaching personal accountabil-ity to this Choir of One. The truth is nobody ever arrives.

not even the choir. John g. Miller

Sudoku Solution Crossword SolutionGrowing Fast

little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, “Wow, your hair is grow-ing so fast! you need a haircut again.”

little Johnny replied, “Maybe you should stop watering it so much.”

Page 5: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

Christie Aluminum Products

Custom windows that are a perfect t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ONwww.brockvilledentureclinic.com

Excellent Service for over 14 Years!Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!

Denture Specialist

Aqua Plus Pools

Adam FishOwner

“Your Bridge Over Troubled Water”

613-340-9556 613-213-1888

Contact the Pool Experts today to Maintain your Pool or Spa

on a Weekly/Bi-Weekly Maintenance Schedule.

A�ordable Pricing! Call us for details!

The Canadian Hearing Society

• improve communication • improve safety in your home

• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205

Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Itrix

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON613 - 498 - 2200

Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

• Quality Eyewear• Contact Lenses• Eye Exams Arranged• 24 Years of ExperienceRosemary

ColemanOwner

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP Golden Soles

Gift CertificatesAvailable 46 King St East, Brockville, On

613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

25% o� Summer Footwear

& Accessories

Put Your Info

HERE!

Advertisein McGu�y’s

Great Results!613 342 0428

jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Senior’s Discounts

Free

Estimates

New & Old - Drywall/WoodMike Dowdall, Owner [email protected]

Starting @ $99.00

Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured

Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable

1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]

DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT

Call Jonfor details.

(613) 342-0428

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Voice over IP Serviceall calls in Canada and USA are free

Business Service - Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation

Residential Service - $17.95 - 2 Lines - all features

voice2net.ca Local ServiceBrockville (613) 704-1248 Kingston (613) 777-0355

Your Business Should STAND OUT!and it will in your LOCAL McGu�y`s!

Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428

John G. Miller author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,

http://www.qbq.com/ denver, Colorado, uSa 303-286-9900 [email protected]

A Fresh Perspective Joanne, who subscribed to our QBQ! Quicknote list last year, recently sent me

a nice email saying she was unsubscribing because i was "preaching to the choir."yet, she loves our stuff. i know that because in her note she told me she buys our

books and gives them away to people! But the QBQ! Quicknotes she's been receiving are, what? ... redundant to

what she believes? Color me confused.let me tell you something:i am the guy who wrote the QBQ! and Flipping the Switch books and i still

need to hear their messages every single day. Otherwise, i fall into the human traps of victim thinking, complaining, procrastination, and blame.

But, since she's a consumer of our product and i'm all salesperson, i wrote her back saying politely, "Thanks for your belief, Joanne. Sorry to see you go. take care." i chose to not try to change her mind as i've learned one can rarely win an email debate. Maybe you've found that to be true, too.

But i thought to myself: Well, i still need to hear this stuff, because i am so SO human!

and that humaness comes out mostly in wanting to change other people. how about you? anyone you wish would change?

i tend to want to change these people: * Politicians who spin, lie, deceive, and pander to win an election * People who say one thing and do another (see above) * executives who choose to not hire QBQ, inc. but pass the decision to us

through an assistant * People who put "policies before people" * Those who aren't an "eStJ" like me (Myers Briggs' language). See me here * People who don't do things the way i would do them (see directly above) * The dad who verbally tore his 11-year-old son apart in the grocery store last

week, shaming him to his core, because the boy couldn't find an item. We prefer this approach: Parenting the QBQ Way

* drivers who risk my family's life running a red light when the cops aren't around

* People who think other people should pay higher taxes, the Federal gov't ex-ists to take care of us, and "Occupiers" who stand for little more than envy

* Those who ask for advice but then don't take it * anyone who misunderstands mei probably sound pretty uptight to you. actually, not so much.i turn 54 this month and—being almost grown up, i'm getting much better on

this whole wanting and needing to change others thing. ask my wise wife, karen (an "eSFP"—meet her [7]here), who i first asked on a date almost 36 years ago. She'll tell i'm growing up slowly.

Part of this personal growth has come from the natural mellowing and winnow-ing process called "life." But like all of you believers in the Quicknote messages you receive, i also have access to this tool called [8]QBQ! The Question Behind the Question that helps me stay focused on the only person i can change:

Me.Powerful and accountable questions (QBQs) like, "how can i change myself ?""What can i do to let go?" and "how can i be my best today?" aren't new to you

fans of all things QBQ! But if you've been using our stuff as long as you've been getting it from us, you know it works. you also know that we all need to keep hear-ing it if we're to ever "flip the switch."

in the end, the critical thing is for me to keep preaching personal accountabil-ity to this Choir of One. The truth is nobody ever arrives.

not even the choir. John g. Miller

Sudoku Solution Crossword SolutionGrowing Fast

little five year old Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair. She said to him, “Wow, your hair is grow-ing so fast! you need a haircut again.”

little Johnny replied, “Maybe you should stop watering it so much.”

Page 6: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

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Einstein And His Chauffeur

I Believe

Getting Old

Celebrity Quotes

Old BaSketBall PlayerS ... ... never die, they just go on dribbling.

i believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

When albert einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech making.

“i have an idea, boss,” his chauffeur said. “i’ve heard you give this speech so many times. i’ll bet i could give it for you.”

einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? let’s do it!”When they arrived at the dinner, einstein donned the chauffeur’s cap and

jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendi-tion of einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool.

Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that i will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

Silly

Q

uote “in primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground

with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.”

Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard. ~ Steve Carell

Best GiftsThe best gifts to give

to your friend - loyalty; to your enemy - forgiveness; to your boss - service; to a child - a good example; to your parents - gratitude and devotion; to your mate - love and faithfulness; to all men and women - charity.

Your True Colors

Job Application Blunders

The artist is the opposite of the politically minded individual, the opposite of the re-former, the opposite of the idealist. The artist does not tinker with the universe, he recreates it out of his own experience and understand-ing of life. ~ henry Miller

Qui

ck

rid

dle What did Pony express riders ride after dark?

nightmares!

• “Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

• “experienced supervisor, defective with rookies and seasoned professionals.”

• “Please call me after 5:30. i am self-employed and my employer does not know i am looking for another job.”

• “it’s best for employers that i not work with people.”

• “i’m extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.”

• “i planned a new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.”

• Personal interests: “donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”

• “education: College, august 1880 - May 1984.”

Here’s a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:

Good Questions1. how come wrong numbers are never busy?

2. how dead is the dead Sea?

3. how did a fool and his money get together?

4. how did the man who invented cottage cheese

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Page 7: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

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6. aquatic activity8. Wagon towed by a car9. Canvas shoes12. Plunging into water14. Skills16. a long walk

anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.

is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one? no, i’d rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.

inspirational Motto about life Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely. ~ Karen Kaiser Clark

alan Shepard was the second person and the first american to go into space. he did so May 5, 1961, aboard Freedom 7. he flew into space again in 1971, commanding the apollo 14 mission to the moon ( January 31-Feb-ruary 9, 1971).

Did You Know?

Bloopers in Church Bulletins

Marketing Gone Awrya nice cross cultural example of the fact that all pictures or symbols are

not interpreted the same across the world: staff at the african port of Steva-dores saw the “internationally recognized” symbol for “fragile” (i.e. broken wine glass) and presumed it was a box of broken glass. rather than waste space they threw all the boxes into the sea!

• tap dancing originates from irish clog dancing and what is called the irish reel and jig.

• a person from the country of nauru is called a nauruan; this is the only palindromic nationality.

• The word “modem” is a contraction of the words “modulate, demodulate.” • Oliver Cromwell was hanged and decapitated two years after he had died. • in the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. • iowa has more independent telephone companies than any other state. • Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time. • hamsters love to eat crickets. • The word “queueing” is the only english word with five consecutive vowels.

♪ Music Notes ♫

“Mr. Mojo risin” is an anagram for Jim Morrison.

Redundant Again

• awful bad• basic fundamentals• component parts• begin to proceed• boiling hot

• null and void• cease and desist• circulated around• kitty cat

Name Change“Mom, can i please change my name right now?” asked Ben.

“But why would you want to do that, dear?” asked his Mom.“Because dad said he’s going to spank me as sure as my name’s Benjamin!”

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth into Joy.”

if you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.

I Have Learned

i’ve learned that brushing my child’s hair is one of life’s great pleasures.

age 26

Traffic Laws

driving while under the influence of alcohol or drugs is never a good thing, some jurisdictions have laws that go a little too far.

in virginia Beach, va., and in texas, if you and the person who is driving the car is drunk, both will be charged.

if you have been convicted of driving while in-toxicated in new Jersey, you’ll no longer be eligible to apply for personalized license plates.

Take A Guess

a hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.Can You Guess what it is?

a centipede flipped over.

Page 8: Mcguffy's News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 28

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The Art Collectora famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a

mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. he does a double take.

he knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store-owner replies, “i’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.”The collector says, “Please, i need a hungry cat around the house to catch

mice. i’ll pay you 20 dollars for that cat.”and the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat.The collector continues, “hey, for the twenty bucks i wonder if you could

throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.”

The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week i’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

The ZooOne day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said,” it’s such a

nice day, i think i’ll take Joe to the zoo.”“i wouldn’t bother,” said father. “if they want him, let them come

and get him!”

Empowering Thoughts

Qui

ck

Joke

during the Persian gulf War, i was assigned to go to Saudi arabia. as i was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. “no, daddy, please don’t go!” he kept repeating.

We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, “let daddy go and i’ll take you to get a pizza.”

immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, “Bye, daddy.”

Daddy is Going to War True Story

Develop a passion for learning. if you do, you will never cease to grow. ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo All successful people men and women are big dreamers. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose. ~ Brian TracyDream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. ~ Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can be-come it. ~ William Arthur Ward When God solves your problems, you have faith in his abilities; when god doesn’t solve your problems, he has faith in your abilities. ~ Unknown

a thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. a spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have absolutely nothing to go on.

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

Better things for better living through chemistry.

duPont answer:

Be Beautifula child told the mother: “Mum you are very beautiful today.” replied the mother: “Why?” The child said: “Because you did not get angry today.”Moral of the story: it is easy to possess beauty: - do not get angry.