the ARTICHOKEVOLUME 33, NUMBER 5 MAY 2, 2014HOMESTEAD’S FINEST NEWS SOURCE

HIGH SCHOOL EDITION

7Wha

t’s In

side {

2 4 8{Bieber fans stay devoted How to pick a major Hot new spring break

spot: MequonBodybuilding: A new

religion

Community uses Tip 411 line to save the city

Due to the recent usage of the Tip 411 Line, it’s not surprising anymore that a lot of Homestead’s student population can name more than three cops who work for the Mequon Police Department. A huge thank you goes out to the Tip 411 line, that has helped the police fight unspeakable crimes and pro-tect Mequon from its true criminals.

On March 7, the Mequon police received a tip and arrived at a house expecting underage drinking, only to find out that 10 high school ju-niors were spending their Saturday night watching Paranormal Activity in a basement. “The screaming was a little out of hand, but I didn’t know we were getting so rowdy until the police came. I’m glad someone tipped it in and stopped us from getting too out of control,” Carrie McAdams, junior, said.

Fortunately, another promis-ing tip came in on March 15. The raging drinking party the police were expecting according to the tip, was in reality just an eighth grade girls basketball team cel-ebration. Soda was the only drink being passed around at this event.

The Mequon PD hit the jack-pot when another tip came in on March 17, keeping the police busy with more potential paperwork for the likely citations about to be given. However, this bust was unsuccessful -- similar to the last -- as the police only found that the 30 teenagers supposedly celebrat-ing St. Patrick’s Day by chugging Irish Guinness, taking shots of Jameson and dancing on tables were really just members of the non-denominational youth group

“Young Life” having a meeting. “What’s next?” Jerome Wilder,

freshman, asked, “busted parties at the Weyenberg Library or the Thiensville Park?” The answer lies in the hands of everyone with the ability and willingness to text the tip line. Let the witch-trials begin.

Speculations as to whodunnit have gone to new extremes. Friend-ships have been lost, enemies have been made and hell has broken loose. Sherry Holmes, senior and self-proclaimed tip line investiga-tor, thoroughly examines all pos-sible subjects on an hourly basis.

“First I thought it was Lucy. But then I thought about it and realized it can’t be Lucy because she didn’t even know about the first party. So then I thought it was Nick, but he was at one of the parties the cops came to, so it couldn’t be him ei-ther. I heard it was a junior guy, but I’m not positive yet,” Holmes said.

This behavior is not atypi-cal. The question “who is the tip-per?” is frequently brought up in everyday conversation, used in place of “what do you think of the weather?” or “what’s up?”

In fact, Luke McAllister, senior, uses the line to avoid awkward conversations. “It doesn’t matter if I’m friends with the person or not, I know for sure he or she will have something to say when it comes to the tipline,” McAllister said.

Some people in the community think the ability to tip in the ru-mored parties or illegal activity has become a responsibility, or a way to make themselves feel important.

“My daughter Bailey told me about her best friend from fourth

grade having a party and not invit-ing her, and I felt it was my duty to have the police break it up -- wheth-er there was drinking or not,” Mrs. Nancy Northshore, Mequon mom, said. Her close friend and fellow Mequon mom, Mrs. Annette Chat-alot, agreed. “I’d rather the kids be doing nothing on the weekend, just like me almost all the time.”

Other people are targeted for simple things, such as having cars in their driveway. “I threw a birthday party for my 7-year-old son and had some balloons at-tached to the mailbox. The neigh-bors saw that and the cars and immediately assumed it was my 16-year-old daughter throwing an underage drinking party,” Mrs. Christina Parker, parent, said.

Rebellious students who con-tinue to rage despite the risk have used the tip line in other ways. “If I’m ever at a party that’s getting busted, you better believe I’m tip-ping in 10 other addresses I know off the top of my head to divert the cops away from my rager,” Faith Whittle, senior, said. With this be-havior, it’s no wonder that the first house the cops arrive at typically has seven municipalities of backup to make sure they have every house, even the empty ones, covered.

For future precautions, every-one should become a tipper. With-out large get-togethers such as the Paranormal Activity movie night, the eighth grade basketball team party or the Young Life youth group meeting, we will be free of the horrible crimes plaguing the city, namely socializing or having any sort of contact with other people.

By Brittany Emond

Are there more than 2 cars in the driveway?

No

NoNo

No

No

No

No

Yes

YesYes

Yes

YesYes

Yes

You weren’t invited?!That’s not fair! Nobody can do anything with-out you! Better call it in before you miss out on

something huge!

It’s a ragerNo blurred lines on this one, this is a full out

banger.

Do it because you don’t like her.

There’s nothing going on in Mequon anyways, might as well make it

interesting.

Are the curtains closed?

Are there lights on?

Were you invited?

Can you hear sounds when you press your ear to a

window?

Is it at that annoying girl in your marketing

class’s house?

Have you seen any Snapchat stories with music on in the

background?

Thanks to the reliable tipline, the Mequon Police Department can bust sure-to-be

scandalous activities, such as this covert study session in the IMC.

Photo by Brittany Emond

news2

Within the halls of Home-stead an epidemic runs rampant: students are continuously leav-ing school due to indiscriminate illnesses. At any given time of day you can find several students in the attendance office receiv-ing that glorious blue pass out of class. But why are so many students leaving?

“As soon as I walk into the doors of Homestead I seem to come down with an unexplain-able sickness. I get bored, tired and nauseous, so I just go home” Sophie Bradshaw, junior, said.

These same symptoms reso-nate with Georgeanna Joubert, sophomore: “By lunch time I’ve reached peak exhaustion, so I decide that my health is much

more important than Biology” said Joubert. These obscure ill-nesses seem to plague all grades but more prominently upper-classmen.

As the year goes on, personal days among seniors become more common. In order to stay healthy and well rested, students conjure up illnesses to go home and catch up on sleep as well as that week’s reality television.

“I find personal days to be necessary. The last thing I need is to be overtired or catch a cold right before the weekend” Logan Scarpace, senior, said.No matter the conditions, all students seem to have an unwavering necessity to skip out on class because, of course, health comes first.

An epidemic, defined by Google, is ”a widespread occur-rence of an infectious disease in a community at a particular time.” The world has never seen an epidemic as bad as Vine. It is attacking America’s children first because the sickness knows that

children are the most vulner-able to this kind of technological illness. It is spreading from the west coast to the east coast.

Teenagers 13 to 18, obsessed with Vine, the cutesy never-ending cat videos, the hilarious Smack Cam, even Nash Grier

with his strange facial expres-sions can’t be stopped.

Beginning in 2011, teenagers became addicted, they’re so con-sumed by the disease that they do not even realize that they are victims.

In order to prevent the spread, you should go outside your neighborhood supermarket and bring huge, distinct signs to protest the spread of this raven-ous disease. Target the “Vine famous” teenagers at your local high school by teasing them

and throwing rotten tomatoes at them. Ensure that everyone gets the message that you believe Vine is an evil force that needs to be stopped.

Organize and participate in huge events that consist only of sitting around your kitchen table typing strongly worded letters to anyone and everyone who will listen.

First, write them to the cre-ators of Vine. When they don’t re-spond, email your nearest Apple store employees and force them

to listen to you. Threats always work the best, you will need to dig into the employees’ pasts and find some dirt to blackmail them with. Make sure that all of these emails are written in Comic Sans so that they know you mean business.

Epidemics generally only last a few months, but the Vine epi-demic seems to be lasting normal than usual. Last but not least, to survive this ferocious disease, form a prayer circle to pray for a cure.

MEQUON, WI - Michael Schears, sophomore, groans as he opens his lunch box to yet another note from his mom, reading, “Hey, honey! I hope you’re having a great day! Don’t forget to eat your whole lunch! Love you! Mom.” He looks closer as he notices a little heart drawn next to the message.

He pulls out the rest of his lunch, which in-cludes a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off, a key lime pie-flavored Yoplait, string cheese and a Sunny-D juice box.

Schears’ friends snicker as he hurriedly puts his made-with-love lunch back into his backpack.

“He just pulled out the note and his face went bright red, then we all just died laughing,” Zach Beale, sophomore, said after school the day of the incident.

“It was literally the lunch of a sixth grader. Throwback?” Emma Contardi, freshman, said.

Schears later shared that he threw away the lunch with the note inside as soon as possible and bought a bacon burger to win back his manliness.

Although Justin Bieber’s name has not left the news due to his recent behavior, his place in sev-eral fans’ heart has. But not mine.

Okay, so the kid was driving 55-60 mph in a 30 mph zone. We all speed! And all right, he had a little alcohol, marijuana and Xanex in his system while driv-ing. He’s so talented, though. Like, it’s okay. Let me know when you have the complexity and pure artistic ability to write and sing “Baby” in front of millions of people. I still can’t expand my audience past my steering wheel. Cut the heart-throb some slack.

Besides that, it is clear that he has handled the situation as best as possible. Making condescend-ing remarks to cops, acting like an idiot in your deposition hearing video and blaming your failed so-

briety test on a foot injury.... is that One Less Lonely Girl offer still up?

When the cop searched Bieber for weapons after pull-ing him over, Bieber asked, “What the f*** did I do? I don’t have any f****** weapons.” YOU TELL HIM, SWEETIE! WAY TO TAKE A STAND!

Other critics claim that Bieber’s “posse” holds a strong influence upon his recent ac-tions. All I can say is that I can’t wait for Lil Twist to third wheel my honeymoon with Justin.

And Perez Hilton can stuff it. Baggy pants and flat tops clearly too large for your head are hawt.

Justin, baby, I’m so sor-ry for everything you’ve been through recently. I un-derstand you. I love you.

Students take measures to protect their fragile health

Local mom leaves loving note in 15-year-old’s lunch

Do it for the

Word on the street: Justin Bieber is...

Ben Gust, junior

Becky Lawlor, senior

Jordan Kolsky, freshman

Adam Stadler, senior

“ “ “ “

“ “ “ “from Canada. Send it back.

a ticking time bomb.

a great role model.

just another guy with a criminal

record.

Heartmelting Handcuffs: Bieber fan still in love

By Sydney BenSon

By Kate danielS

By emma Wade

By Rachel novaK

1 in 30 students at Homestead receive notes from parents in their lunch.

1 in 10 students that receive notes from parents embrace them and show them off to their friends

90% of Mequon parents reported that they would like to leave a note for their highschooler.

100% of those parents said their child would not be happy with them if they left a note for him or her.

20% of those parents don’t care what their children think and leave notes anyway.

Danny Coran, senior, gathers his remaining strength to send a text during one of his routine visits to the nurse’s office.

Photo by Madeline Boulier

Photo by Emma Wade

Photo by Kate Daniels

Photo by Sydney Benson

Photo by Sydney Benson

Photo by Sydney Benson Photo by Sydney Benson

3Student OpiniOn

Adviser

Editor-in-Chief

Copyeditors

Layout and Design Editors

Reporters and Photographers

The Highlander’s editorial policy is to present facts and opinions in a fair and honest manner on issues pertaining to students at Homestead. We uphold the right to speak unpopular opinions and the privilege to agree with the majority. Letters to The Highlander are encour-aged; however, we reserve the right to edit for length and grammatical errors. In addition, letters must be signed, but names will be withheld upon request. Any student who wishes to express his opinion through The Highlander should drop off the letter in room 506.

2014 NSPA Best of Show2013 All-KEMPA Award2013 NSPA Best of Show

2013 WNA Second Award in Overall Excellence2012 WNA First Award in Overall Excellence

2012 KEMPA First Place Award

Homestead High School5000 W. Mequon RoadMequon, Wisconsin 53092

The StaffMrs. Rachel Rauch

Katie Bandurski

Maddie Fricker, Emma Wade

Katie Bandurski, Janae Brown, Sarah Erpenbeck, Molly Riebau

Kelly Allen, Sydney Benson, Madeline Boulier, Janae Brown, Kate Daniels, Beth Emery, Brittany Emond, Sarah Erpenbeck, Nia Feaster, Maddie Fricker, Gaby Geiger, Aaron Glazer, John Happ, Carly Kleiman, Blake Leeson, Nicole Martin, Rachel Novak, Molly Riebau, Katie Starsky, Allie Stendler, Alex Talyansky, Emma Wade

Visit us online for back issues of The Highlander at https://sites.google.

com/a/mtsd.k12.wi.us/homestead-publications/

American Litho Printing530 N. 22nd Street

Milwaukee WI 53233(414)-342-5050

Photo ContestWhere’s your favorite place to read The Highlander?

Many stu-dents at Home-stead reap the benefits of joining an after school club, but unfortu-nately not every-one fits the crite-

ria set by “A Taste of Judaism” and “The Asian Culture Club.” Luck-ily, there now is another option for Homestead’s less “exotic” crowd. The League of Rambunctious Con-servative Christian Gentleman, or the LRCCG, is the newest organiza-tion to grace Homestead’s walls and has already started making waves.

“Essentially, we’re a country club, within a nightclub, within a classroom,” said Borja Morales, ex-ecutive chair of recruiting.

Despite being invite-only and rumors of extreme and rather shady initiation practices, the club man-aged to pull in 10-percent of Home-stead’s local male population within its first two weeks. However, only just over half of those remained af-ter going through what has been dubbed, “hell week.”

Connor McCormick, sophomore was forced to hold a tee between his teeth and was told he couldn’t leave until a hole in one was made or until he didn’t have enough teeth to do the job. “Kid didn’t have what it takes,” said Morales, adjusting his don.

Another student, Brenton Klim-kosky, senior had to hot glue Ray-Bans to his head and ingest nothing but stale saltines and severely aged milk for sustenance. “That was just too far for my taste,” Klimkosky said, and that’s really saying some-thing.

The club’s mission statement reads “To promote the heritage and lifestyle of the All-American man,” which must translate into playing fantasy baseball and comparing girls and your father’s net worths. Needless to say, the new organiza-tion has stirred up some controversy and has already warranted some complaints.

One student, who wished to re-main anonymous, admitted to be-ing shut down “pretty hard” by the club. “I asked one of the members if I could join, but he just snatched my Arnold Palmer, shotgunned it, then called me a NARP,” (non affiliated regular person). Members of the club denied such allegations, stat-ing “the peasants will always try to bring you down.”

Senior overseer Jack Wegmann added these inviting words, “If you have an affinity for high-stake cock-fighting, getting rowdy and rocking boat shoes on dry land, this club is where you want to be.” Love them or hate them, these gentlemen are your future bosses.

By Mike Mccann

Homestead creates new club for the non-diverse

First Place, $50 Bayshore gift card (top): Principal Alli Rudich and Head Caretaker Nikki Robson read The Highlander at Donges Bay Elementary School.

Third Place, $25 Bayshore gift card (bottom): Chase Gabriel, junior, Tucker Gabriel, freshman, Lief Erlandson, fresh-man and Charlie Robbins, sophomore, enjoy The Highlander while kayaking on Santa Rosa Beach.

Second Place, $25 Bayshore gift card (top): Wille Gross, freshman, casually checks out The Highlander while hiking in Arches National Park.

Our View: Editorial

Pat Neudecker, superinten-dent of Oconomowoc School Dis-trict and trendsetter, plans to lay off all the district’s teachers in the next five years. “Administra-tion has agreed to replace teach-ers with video games in order save the district over $500,000 a year and garner some nation-al attention,” Neudecker said.

Apparently administration feels the teachers are not up to par, and that the video game called Quest Atlantis does a bet-ter job teaching the students.

The kids seem to prefer it, too. Why sit in lecture when you can battle a beast of bad grammar in a virtual world? With the addition of video games, learning in- s t a n t l y

becomes fun, en-gaging, a n d i n t e r -esting. G e t -

ting an A is now as easy as defeating the bad guy.

Oconomowoc’s move from human to technology suggests that perhaps the teachers think kids living in the 21st century are technology depraved, or

that since they already spend hours every day on mobile de-vices, they might as well just go all day long with their noses stuck to screens. In fact, ad-ministration in Oconomowoc is looking into “mass-ordering Google Glass to bring video games even closer to the stu-dents’ brains,” Neudecker said.

According to Psychology To-day, a new study conducted by Max Planck Institute for Human Development and Charité Uni-versity Medicine in Berlin has concluded that “video games physically expand the size of the brain and have been shown (in isolated cases) to bump up IQ,” Jürgen Gallinat, psychia-trist said. “These new devel-opments are very exciting.”

Since there have been no studies testing brain stimula-tion during boring lectures, Oconomowoc teachers rea-sonably concluded that video games teaching kids is “a way to reshape education in power-ful new ways,” according to the

Journal Sentinel’s special report on new directions in education.

Now schools all over the country have been following Oconomowoc’s lead, bidding

“adios” to teachers and acquir-ing new and improved video games to teach kids everything they ever needed to know, such as “How to Survive in a Virtual World 101,” “Riding Out the Zombie Apocalypse,” and other

optional, supplementary topics like chemistry, English and math.

What all this really means is that this new fad started in Oconomowoc represents a fun-damental truth about kids in America today: they are so so-

cially and mentally inept at life in general because of their absorp-tion in technology that the only way to pound messages into their heads is through using said tech-nology- now that’s innovative.

Student OpiniOn 5Student OpiniOn4

Goodbye, teachers; long live technology

Illustration

by Janae Brown

By Janae Brown

Kids love video games (they’re obsessed) which is why they respond so well to virtual world learning.

Image provided by Brittanica Image Quest

With AP exams quickly approaching, it is time for Homestead’s in-tellectual body to kick it into high gear. Following these five steps to a five you will have no problem tackling the daunting tests that lie ahead.

1. Set up your study program at Starbucks.Starbucks is the place to be during AP prep season. There is no better way to keep your body energized than many Starbucks breaks with friends. From all the calories in your skinny vanilla latte to the local Mequon Mom’s daily gossip, you’re sure to learn a ton. You and your friends will learn the meaning of life in the dark recesses of the coffee-infused build-ing. And honestly, that is much more important than any course you should be studying for.

2. Determine your test readiness by sleeping on your books.Many people have heard the fable of osmosis: that you should sleep on your books to ingrain the knowledge into your brain even while you sleep! Just last month the AP board released test results proving this undervalued story to be true! Time to hit the sack and absorb all the juicy facts into your more than willing relaxed mind. Don’t worry about setting an alarm for the exam - sleep comes first. If you arrive an hour late to your AP Government exam, your teacher will understand and you will be at the top of your game to take the test in the last 30 minutes allotted.

3. Develop strategies for success through a relaxing massage at one of the many spas in Mequon.This is the most stressful time of the year in high schools across the country. Lucky for you, you live in a town that has five readily available spas at your disposal all within a five mile radius of each other (Neroli, Massage Envy, Erik of Norway, Tres Jolie, and Bel-la Lei). You know all you will ever know and there is no point breaking your back while leaning over a table looking at pointless math equations that will never help you in life.

4. Develop the knowledge you need to score high by binge watching on Netflix.Parents and teachers alike are continuously bombarding today’s youth to stop watch-ing TV and to read more books so as to broaden our brains. However, this poorly misconceived notion must be put to rest before any serious damage is done to your mind. Therefore, you should tune into the newest season of “Breaking Bad” or “Pret-ty Little Liars” on Netflix to ensure that you are well prepared for your exam. Af-ter all, the life skills found in these shows alone appear all over the AP cirriculum.

5. Build your test-taking confidence while at the next big party.Confidence is key when taking any AP exam. It is time to liven up those study ses-sions with a pounding bass. What better way to build confidence than down-ing countless juices boxes with the pros? If you have enough confidence to party with the best of them then you will have no problem remaining chill during the test.

By nicole Martin

Illustration by Janae Brown

Nina Andersen, junior, sleeps on her books to help ingrain the information into her absor-bent mind the night before an AP Exam.

Photos by Nicole Martin

Binge watching Gossip Girl on Netflix helps to prepare students AP Exams.

Homestead student drinks a passion iced -tea-lemonade from Starbucks while preparing for Homestead’s AP Launch.

Throughout childhood, parents preach to their chil-dren that they can do whatever they set their minds to. Fortunately, thousands of college majors exist to en-sure that each student can pursue his or her specific passion, whether it be crafting puppets or turf man-agement. With so many highly applicable majors out there, it’s hard to weed out the duds and choose the best one. So here are some tips on choosing the right major:

Mr. Todd Reineking, school counselor, sug-gests choosing a major you can confidently spell or a major that requires the least amount of work.

Next and most importantly, consider which major will yield the most money because, af-ter all, who cares if you actually enjoy your work. You’ll be rich; that’s all that matters. Completely let the thought of wealth override any interests, skills or quality of life factor into your decision.

For females, the ultimate option is the ‘MRS de-gree,’ or majoring in finding a husband who will create a fortune for you,” Mrs. Jennifer Zortman, math teacher, suggested. Ally Sanfelippo, senior, agreed. “The easiest way to success is choosing a major that will lead you to a wealthy husband.”

What major is the easiest to spell?

What job requires the cutest attire?

What job will allow you to make the most amount of money with the minimal amount of effort?

Which major has the greatest girl to guy ratio?

Reasons to Choose a Major

Tips for choosing the right major

1. Do you like Cornell notes? A. Yes B. Of course!! Who doesn’t?!C. Nah, what are Cornell notes?D. Sometimes

2. What teaching method do you like? A. Walk and talks B. Note-taking C. When we talk about sports D. Open mic!

3. What’s your fashion style? A. Shirt and tie, keep it classy B. Dress pants and floral jacketC. Sweatpants and a sweatshirt, bum-it everyday D. Cute dress and boots

4. What’s your most prized possession? A. My coffee maker B. My tie-dye lab coat C. My new Nike-frees D. My skull leggings

5. You’re in a nightmare, what does it look like? A. I don’t have nightmares B. I spilled ethanol on a student’s desk C. I couldn’t run away from the werewolves fast enough D. All the furniture was taken out of my room

6. If you had something special, where would you hide it? A. I don’t know; everywhere I put it I would lose it B. In a beaker C. In my gym bag D. In the couch cushions

7. What do you do on the weekend? A. Football, all day everyday B. Blow things up C. Work out all the time D. Babysit

inforMation coMplied By Katie StarSKy

Which Homestead teacher are you most like? Take this HomesteadFeed quiz to find out!

8. In a different life, what job would you have? A. Politician B. Auctioneer C. ComedianD. Author

9. If you could be an animal what would you be? A. A bear, they’re strong and fierce B. A hedgehog, they’re so cuteC. A cheetah, they’re the fastest land animal D. A butterfly, they’re so sweet

@HomesteadTeacher: Teachers read tweets about themselvesJimmy Kimmel, a well-known comedian, conducts a segment on his show entitled "Celebrities Read Mean Tweets about Themselves," where celebri-

ties read negative tweets others have posted about them. For The Artichoke, the Highlander Publications staff has decided to reciprocate this to teachers at Homestead.

The following are a few of the tweets mentioned in the video, and there is also a QR code available to watch the video of teachers reading the sample tweets.

Watch the video!

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

Sra. Caldwell, the last thing I want to do at 7:25 in the morning is sing Shakira #HipsDontLie

Mr. Fugate, if my unlimited wants can’t be satisfied, how will I ever be happy? #scarcity

Mrs. Schultz is really good at chemistry, I wonder what her story is #breakingbad?

Is it possible for Mr. Millard to stay on task for more than five minutes? #mostdistracted

OB- do you ever stop yelling or is that just the way you talk?” #justformen #SOB

Mr. Ciurlik, is your tongue firmly planted in your cheek? #pitterpatter

Do you think Mrs. Weitekamp will go out with me? #stilldreaming

Wait is that Boo Radley or Mr. Daigle #maninthe-corner #celebritylookalike?

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

@homesteadteachers

Five steps to ace AP exams

By Sarah erpenBecK

Illustration by Sarah Erpenbeck

Mostly A's: Mr. Ciurlik Your sarcasm gives you a satirical outlook on life in general. You host great study sessions that help others ace tests, and you have OCD tendencies towards chairs.

Mostly B's: Mrs. SchultzYour absolute genuis makes you a slightly eccen-tric and creative individual that’s obsessed with chemisty moles and can always be counted on to bring food to brighten up flex time.

Mostly C's: Mr. Claussen Your average decibal range is someone else’s yell. Your weakness is overworking yourself on week-ends and always dressing too casually.

Mostly D's: Mrs. CiceroYour personality is bright, cheerful and passionate. It’s the little things in life that make you happy, and you have delcared war on the monotony and uncomfort of school desks. Literature never ceases to amaze you.

BuzzFeed QuizzesTake more

quizzes here!http://www.

buzzfeed.com/quiz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QOkjBYfL7U&fea

ture=youtu.be

6 Student OpiniOn

With the obesity rate in Wisconsin jumping 30 percent in the past five years, lawmakers begin to deal with the large issue.

How can we eliminate the flubber? Easy. Mandate 30-minute exercise periods with the Get Youth Mov-ing Act (GYM Act).

While 30 minutes should suffice, Mrs. Janet Kim-berly, elementary school gym teacher, suggested, “ Put the kids on scooters. Kids love scooters.”

Breaking fingers or breaking a sweat? Gym class scooters prove a favorite activity that can burn 50

calories in 30 minutes. That’s enough to burn off a quarter of that fattening cupcake Jimmy brought for birthday treat.

Studies show that that 70 percent of overweight adolescents remain overweight as adults. Mr. Chris Herber lives that statistic. Mr. Herber said, “I’ve al-ways been overweight. If they would have instituted the GYM Act while I was in school I might be 325 instead of 350 today.”

We can all thank the Rep. Chad Weininger (R-Green Bay) for this life-saving legislation.

By molly rieBau

Thank you, sophomores For taking all of the prom dates.

Thank you, VickiFor brightening everyone’s mornings in the parking lot.

Thank you, hand dryersFor doing the only thing you were made to do so well.

Thank you, WiFiFor randomly not working in the middle of taking notes in Mr. Ciurlik’s American Studies class.

Thank you, Homestead budgetFor allowing us to have the heat on at all times during negative degree weather.

Thank you, toilet paperFor giving us something to blow our noses with.

Thank you, band membersFor being so shy about your trip to Ireland.

Thank you, printed leggingsFor being oh so fashionable.

Thank you, people who subtweetFor being so discreet about it, because no one knows who you’re talking about!

Thank you, freshmenFor making everyone else feel superior.

Thank you, Homestead

Sitting home during spring break, Connor Newell, se-nior, lets the water in his bathtub flow as he submerges himself in the waters of relaxation and switches on his heat lamp, creating a tranquil ambience for his Mequon stayca-tion.

Though most people probably think otherwise, the bustling and cultural city of Mequon holds many tropical destinations amidst its sub-zero degree climate. So why travel any further than Mequon Road when all your vaca-tion needs exist right in the 53092?

Our first destination is Darkside Tanning. Too embar-rassed that you didn’t go anywhere luxurious and tropi-cal? That’s okay! You can fake bake yourself until everyone believes you’ve spent a week in the Bahamas.

Next on the long drive out to Donges Bay Road you can visit the damp warehouse that is Libby Montana’s. What’s a tropical vacation without feeling the sand between your

toes? Take a step into the cold, wet sand. Grab yourself a chilled glass of lemonade, and play a game of volleyball with a bunch of people you don’t know. Nothing says va-cation like making friends with complete strangers you know nothing about while pretending the damp sand is really a beach in Florida.

I’m sure by now you’ve worked up quite the appetite, so for your final destination you can take a trip to the exotic Highland House. On a diet? Who cares? You’re on vaca-tion. Take in the smell of the frying oil that fills the entire restaurant. Let all the beautiful twinkling lights and plastic palm trees sink in; it’s just like being in Hawaii, except fake. From the fish on the wall to the pictures of other people’s adventurous vacations you might as well have been on va-cation for a week when you’re done with your day.

Unfortunately you’re tropical Mequon vacation has come to an end. Now what to do with the other six days…

Illustrations by Molly Riebau

15- F as in Fat

THE FAT STATS1 in 3

of Wisconsin High Schoolers are obese

Wisconsin third graders are overweight or obese

Wisconsin’s obesity ranking in the United States

- Healthy Smiles/Healthy Growth

- F as in Fat

10.4%

By GaBy GeiGer

GYM Act: 30 minutes a day to keep the flubber away

aIf you answered mostly your ideal vacation spot would be New York!

bIf you answered mostly your ideal vacation spot would be the Caribbean!

cIf you answered mostly your ideal vacation spot would be Colorado!

dIf you answered mostly your ideal vacation spot would be Europe!

What would your ideal vacation be?a. Being surrounded by tall buildings and busy streetsb. Lying in the sun and doing absolutely nothingc. Skiing and snowboardingd. Exploring museums and old palaces

What do you like to read?a. Celebrity entertainment magazinesb. Swimsuit cataloguec. Wilderness and nature booksd. Fashion magazines

What would be your ideal high school class?a. Architectureb. Oceanographyc. Physicsd. Fashion design

Whats your favorite color?a. redb. bluec. greend. purple

If you could have a superpower it would be…a. Mind readerb. Breathe under waterc. Flyd. Go back in time

Hot new spring break spot: MequonBy alex Talyansky

Photo by Alex TalyanskyFake-baking in a tanning bed at Darkside Tanning proides students with a I--went-on-Spring-Break glow.

Images from Britannica ImageQuest

Student OpiniOn 7

Summit Entertainment’s highly an-ticipated new film provides audiences with a movie unlike any other— one that is based on a bestselling trilogy, featuring a 16-year-old girl and her role in a dystopian revolution.

The film, directed by Neil Burger, is based on Veronica Roth’s 100 percent original Divergent series. It centers on Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley), a teenage girl in a future Chicago that has been divided into five distinct fac-tions. This concept completely differs from any other movie, as no film has ever dared to explore the possibility of a future world divided into strict regions. Beatrice, who hails from the selfless fac-tion Abnegation, is finally offered an escape from her faction through a simu-lated aptitude test once she reaches the age of sixteen.

She takes the test, only to find that this apparently extremely high level of technology has flaws and does not work on her, making her “divergent.” This means she does not fit into one fac-tion alone, and so she must decide her fate without the help of the test. Natu-rally, she chooses the most dangerous, threatening faction out of the five — Dauntless.

The next 70 minutes of the movie consist of Beatrice shortening her name

to “Tris,” enduring a fight to the death and falling for a blonde, strong male, Four (Theo James), whom she lat-er learns also hails from her faction. Surely, this idea of a teenage girl in the future fall-ing for a muscular, blonde man whom she discovers comes from her home region remained untouched until Di-vergent creatively delved into this ingenious theme.

In the last 20 minutes, the sterile, cold-hearted Jeanine Matthews (Kate Winslet) and Erudite, the intelligence-driven faction, lead an army of zombie-like Dauntless to destroy Abnegation. Horri-fied by this titanic disaster, Tris emerges as a leader in the revolution, fighting to stop the Erudite while her home is destroyed and the lives of all those she loves are at risk. The innovative origi-nality of this part definitely makes this film a frontrunner for the 2015 Academy Awards, especially considering how no film has ever centered on a protagonist teenage girl emerging as a revolution-ary leader while her home is razed and her loved ones’ lives are endangered.

All together, Divergent exemplifies the kind of movie audiences will only see once in a lifetime. This creative, unique masterpiece is surely unlike anything they have ever seen before, and without a doubt, is a film that will go down for generations as an original, one-of-a-kind film.

Who needs face-to-face communication when one can easily locate that special someone from behind a computer screen at home? All it takes is a few clicks of the mouse and within five minutes an online algo-rithm-based matching system can accurately deter-mine one’s soulmate.

According to a report commissioned by the Asso-ciation for Psychological Science, online dating is now the second-most popular way to start new relation-ships right behind meeting through mutual friends. In today’s modern society, over 5,000 online dating sites exist solely to serve singles who lack that love-induced spark in their lives.

With sites such as Christian Mingle and BlackPeo-pleMeet.com, singles can easily find the type of person they are searching for. Based on a quick questionnaire along with an uploaded photo avatar, online dating profiles allow people to really get to know each other. Using a Victoria’s Secret or Abercrombie model’s pic-ture as one’s avatar is nearly impossible with today’s technology. One’s true self clearly shows through his or her online profile.

Online dating unequivocally unites soulmates all over the globe; however, decades ago, people were not as fortunate to spend most of their lives on the Internet. Singles in search of “the one” had to physi-cally leave the comfort of their homes and go through the long, tiring process of getting to know a person face-to-face without prior knowledge of his or her true identity.

Back then, the key to a long-term commitment consisted of courtship and formal invitations to go on dates. Nowadays, soulmate seekers can easily go on-line and send their chosen match, with an 89 percent compatibility, a “heyyy” with three y’s complemented by a heart-shaped emoticon to let them know that he or she is interested.

If you haven’t heard about Frozen, the most recent Disney release, then you’ve been living under a rock. Perhaps the reason for its success in Mequon is that we too live in an icy tundra, impermeable by spring or summer. Or by chance, the reason for its national suc-cess is its ability to appeal to all audiences. Whether it’s the home-ridden housewife, the muscle car-driv-ing man, or the Blues Clues watching baby, Frozen makes everyone want to belt out a musical number.

Nevertheless, Homestead students have been flocking to Marcus to watch the highly anticipated, animated movie.

With more drama than Twilight, this film follows Anna, joined with sidekicks Kristoff and Olaf, “en-countering Everest-like conditions” in an attempt to find and reverse the disaster Anna’s sister, Elsa, creat-ed (IMDb). A loose rendition of Hans Christian Ander-sen’s “The Snow Queen, ” Frozen differs from the old fairy tale in regard to the “unconventional characters” and “sing along songs,” according to The New York Times and Rotten Tomatoes.

Maggie Lyberth, avid moviegoer, proclaimed, “except for, like, one or two details nothing was really new, new. Like, there’s always that one crotchety old man out for world domination, what was his name in this? Duke Wesealtown? Whatever. And then at the end everything becomes unfrozen, like big surprise there.”

Hannah Smithies, former Disney fanatic, had a completely different outlook. “I personally find it re-ally sad, I mean, now Disney doesn’t believe in getting married a day after you’ve meet someone? What has this world come to?”“I actually enjoyed seeing this ‘Frozen’ movie, and that in itself is an abnormality,” said Axel Arnoldsson, inevitable Disney devotee.

Whatever their reactions, movie watchers will just have to let it go, LET IT GOOO…

The ‘Divergent’ GamesBy Maddie Fricker

By Madeline Boulier

Let it go:Because every snowflake in nature is unique, Disney cre-ated a program to generate over 2,000 different snowflakes.

1. Vicki caTches you wiTh a haT in The haLLway. youa. offer her the hat and, as you wouldn’t dare think of yourself, your backpack toob. tell her she is ridiculous and ought to wear a hat herselfc. smile, laugh, place the hat on her head, and skip awayd. explain to her how Queen Elizabeth I once made it a law that every-one wore hats (duh)e. roundhouse kick her and run before she can grab the hat

2. FinaLLy, FLex-Time reTurns. youa. use the time to tutor other students and pick up trash in the hallwaysb. write a strongly-worded letter explaining how it should have never gone awayc. use the time to draw flowers and write “good feelings” notes to your friendsd. go to the IMC and read any AP textbook that is availablee. get into a fistfight with the first kid you can find

3. your iDeaL sprinG break wouLD bea. spending everyday from 8-3 volunteering at the soup kitchenb. getting out of Mequon and then proceeding to complain about Me-quon the entire timec. taking all your friends somewhere warm, so you can plant flowers together!d. going to as many museums as possible and then writing essays on eache. swimming with sharks (with no cage) in a tropical place

4. in 20 years, you see yourseLFa. moving with only the clothes on your back to volunteer in the poor-est parts of the worldb. protesting on Capitol Hill about important issues like “should no flex-times be legal?”c. moving to a hippie combine, having lots of nice, happy children, and farmingd. probably still in school, working toward your fifth doctorate degreee. leaving all those you love behind to become a top-secret assassin

mosTLy a’s- abneGaTion You are selfless, thinking of others before yourself. You probably even think it’s self-ish that you were self-indulgent enough to take this quiz.

mosTLy b’s- canDorHonesty is the best policy. You speak your mind about everything; even trivial mat-ters are important enough to drop every-thing for and fight against.

mosTLy c’s- amiTyPeace and happiness consume every part of your life. You worship the Beatles and often find yourself dreaming of a reincarna-tion of the ‘60s so you can become a hippie.

mosTLy D’s- eruDiTeLearning is fun! The more you know, the better. You especially love exam time be-cause you get to focus on your studies. Lucky for you, trimesters allow you to have them three times a year!

mosTLy e’s- DaunTLessThe more danger, the better. You enjoy put-ting your life at risk because, well, YOLO

a Tie- DiVerGenTSorry, but you are clearly a freak of nature for having more than one personality trait. You might want to say your goodbyes to your friends and family now because we’re going to have to destroy you, er, you might disappear one day for no apparent reason.

By kelly allen

L ve at first click89%

Photo by Maddie Fricker

Protagonists Tris (Shailene Woodley) and Four (Theo James) grace the poster for Divergent, now showing at North Shore Cinema in Mequon.

What faction do you belong to?It’s simple. Each human being only has one personality trait, or he or she poses a threat to humanity. Since Divergent says it, there is no doubt that it must be true. Learn what your single trait is and what faction you will belong to. Have fun!

Frozen wins the hearts of all ages

Illustrations by Molly Riebau

8sports

ARTICHOKEHighlanderPublications

Homestead411

When it comes to exceeding expectations in a realm that people already have deemed replete with talent, Michael Jordan’s immense impact on basketball does not compare to Quincy Newton’s, senior, impact on laziness.

This newly formed extreme sport, devel-oped after the creation of Nutella and Netflix, requires a strong aptitude for doing as little as possible, an extensive expertise in consuming the most flavorful but unhealthy foods as well as a deep understanding of the intricate action of watching TV.

Newton epitomizes the ideal competitor of this rigorous sport as she refuses to participate in the basic actions of life. She even admit-ted that “I hate walking, and when I have to walk…I prefer to walk really slow.”

Leigh Berman, senior, added, “instead of taking the energy to wave or say hi, she lifts her head a good five degrees in recognition” of one’s energetic greeting.

Simultaneously, Andrea Rossman, senior, said, “She once told me that her mom one time brushed her teeth for her because she re-fused.”

In order to maintain her skill in lackadai-sical living, Newton solely fills her stomach with the finest of junk foods. Who needs the organic carrots when you can have the greasy Out & Out macaroni and cheese made to satis-fy one’s taste buds? Newton understands this concept as she enthuses that Out and Out can replenish her barely depleted energy supply at the end of a school day.

True athletes dedicated to their sport, New-ton and Jordan practice on the daily. While Jor-dan spent countless hours in the gym shooting free throws, Newton utilizes the full 24/7 to perfect the art her sport.

Couch potatoes of the Issue set new records of laziness

In recent years, the foundation of a new religion, “Bodybuildism,” has been tak-ing place right here in Homestead’s weight room. Freshmen through seniors flock there every day at 2:37 to push their minds and bodies to the limit. They each take a place on the bench-press and immediately lift three times their weight, which can come in handy if they ever need to lift one of their five-pound textbooks.

Pastor Todd Brawner puts together lengthy sermons to inspire the young athletes, reminding them their work as a “bodybuild-er” will pay off. Pastor is able to transform these weaklings into real men on their off-sea-sons or in their extra time. Their baptism into manhood spark an obsession with working out 24/7. In fact, Cody Scott, sophomore, said, “I work out more than I go to social events, and when I’m not working out, that’s all I am thinking about.”

Being fit isn’t an option; it’s a commitment. Although we all aspire to be like our gods, these bodybuilders try to look like a god. The

athletes chisel their bodies to be idealistic to only the best looking goddesses.

Kieran Sparks, senior, said, “Girls need guys with big guns because we can do things they can’t, like open jars and hold heavy doors for them.”

With the release of these “Ten Command-ments,” Pastor hopes to set the standard, as well as educate the athletes about the do’s and don’ts of working out. In April, Pastor Brawn-er announced the “Ten Commandments of Lifting”:

Thou shall flex thy muscles when lifting; Thou shall not wear a shirt with sleeves to cover thy biceps when working out and when it starts to hurt, that is when thy set starts.

“It seems as though ‘Bodybuildism’ has spread like wildfire through the school and it doesn’t show signs of stopping,” Lizzy Tucker, sophomore, said. With warm weath-er on its way, this spring will be the perfect time to showcase the new improvements hid-ing under sweatshirts all winter. Can I get an “amen?”

Sleep, wake up, eat, and repeat seems to be ongoing trends for our male couch potato of the issue, Ian Koch, senior. Ian wastes no time procrastinating and makes sure that his skills of wasting time wake up just as soon as he does.

Waking up, eating breakfast, and driving to school is just about as much strain as Ian puts into his lazy mornings. “He leaves his house to impress absolutely no one,” added Patrick Tucker, senior.

The school day drags by and finally the time comes where Ian gets to do what he does best: eat and sleep. “Last night I asked Ian if he wanted to come to baseball and he responded with ‘nah,’” said Luke Lebesch, senior.

It takes dedication to do as much of noth-ing as Ian does on a school night. Homework? “I typically don’t do homework,” said Ian Koch, senior.

To make up for time spent not doing homework, watching Archer never seems to disappoint as a time filler. But of course Ar-cher can’t fill all of this time, so what else to do besides….sleep.

Believe it or not, the weekends produce less productivity than the weekdays for Koch. Sleeping until an average time of 1 pm is noth-ing new and being forced awake any earlier would be a crime against humanity.

“He like doesn’t go out on the weekends. He sits in his house and watches Netflix,” said Michael Schulz, senior, about Koch’s weekend activities.

Setting the bar higher for couch potatoes everywhere, Ian Koch redefines laziness. So for the rest of you competitively couch-pota-toing, step up your game.

In (Pastor) Todd we trust

By Nia Feaster

By alli steNdler

Quincy Newton, senior, sinks into the comfort of the cushions as Ian Koch, senior, catches a quick nap on their home away from home: the couch.

I think of spectacular blowouts, eye-catching ally-oups and complete concentration on both sides of the ball. Yes, I am referring to every single team in the NBA other than our own Mil-waukee Bucks.

I don’t even know why anyone would attend a game anymore besides the fact that they were 15-67 on the season and had the worst record in the league and possibly one of the worst in NBA history, but really if I wanted to get a better bang for my buck I would stay home because at least I know I am guaranteed to get a full four quarters… something you can’t say you would get if you watched the Bucks.

Attendance is one aspect of the game in which the owners can see if there is interest in the team. Buck cus-tomers who usually watch the game at home on cable are now asking how much extra they can pay to have the Bucks games blocked from their ser-vice, not really a good sign.

Other than being tied to a chair and being forced to watch more than five minutes of the WNBA, I can’t think of much worse. Conor Quick, senior, said, “I was going to go to a Bucks game

once. Then my friend asked if I wanted to watch paint dry.”

The nice thing about how bad the bucks are is that parking is really easy to find, but Sasha Novak, senior, said he still paid more for parking then he did to get into the game itself.

Years ago they still weren’t good. Back then I thought “Oh they are prob-ably performing poorly on purpose to get a couple high round draft picks.” I thought this was a good idea but I was wrong. The Bucks continued to draft trash players and continued to lose.

This year the Bucks were a real disappointment. So much so that next year some of their scouts will be com-ing to Homestead’s field house over the winter on Monday nights to try and find new aspiring talent in the up and coming league of IBA.

UWM has gotten more press this year than the Bucks have gotten in the past 30 years and if I’m not mistaken I think that the last time the Bucks made the finals we still had black and white TV’s.

Forget about a future championship ring. If you see one on a Bucks player, assume it to be stolen.

Bucks continue to drop the ball

Photo by Carly Kleiman

Sean Driscoll (left) and Chris Malicky (right), sophomores, show off the spiritual reawakening they have recieved through Bodybuildism.

Photos by Alli Stendler

Photo illustration by Blake Leeson

By Blake leesoN

By Carly kleimaN