SPECTRUMMAIMONIDES SCHOOL STUDENT NEWSPAPER

Vol. III Issue 4

TRAGEDY AT FORT HOOD

Army Psychologist Charged | 5

ANIMAL BYPRODUCTS

Okay to Eat? | 6

In early November, a

small group of seniors and

juniors traveled to Washing-

ton, D.C. to attend an AIPAC

High School Conference.

AIPAC, the American Is-

rael Public Affairs Commit-

tee, is an interest group that

lobbies Congress in support

of a strong relationship be-

tween America and Israel.

Contrary to popular belief,

AIPAC is not a traditional

political action committee

(PAC) since it is bipartisan

and does not endorse can-

didates who run for office.

When the Maimonides

delegation arrived at the

majestic Washington Grand

Hyatt, they picked up their

name tags and ran to the

conference’s main meet-

ing room just in time to

catch the end of the open-

ing remarks. They soon

learned that the delegations

there included people from

states including Michigan,

Florida, California, New

York, New Jersey and Mary-

land. Overall, there were

over 400 other high school

students, all eager to learn

what AIPAC was about.

When Maimonides stu-

dents received their name

tags, they also received

a schedule that told them

they would be hearing lec-

tures on topics ranging from

‘Understanding AIPAC’s

Mission and Mandate’ to

‘Iran and the Bomb.’ For

the first day and a half, the

Maimonides delegation was

divided into groups based

on their name tags. The

first speeches were mostly

about AIPAC’s mission and

why it is important. Also

After fighting through five ag-

gressive games, the Maimonides

boys’ soccer team boasted an impres-

sive 4-1 record. With a growing fan

base and a four game winning streak,

morale soared. Coach Borkow kept

his M-Cats in tip-top shape with at

least five rigorous practices a week

supplemented by daily sets of push-

ups. Assistant Coach Barbosa used

his years of soccer experience to

share powerful plays and innovative

game day strategies. As a team, the

M-Cats were poised to meet any chal-

lenges their schedule held in store.

In game six of the season, Mai-

monides faced Matignon High

School. Just a week before, Matignon

and Maimonides had battled it out in

true warrior fashion. Despite a late

game comeback by Matignon, Mai-

monides escaped with a 4-3 victory.

As they left the field, it was clear that

Matignon was hungry for revenge.

Everyone knows that eating in the

library is forbidden, yet people con-

tinue to do it anyway. It states in the

Upper School Handbook: “No food

or drink (except water) is allowed in

classrooms, in the library, or in the

shul” (Section 3-School Rules: Food

Outside Permitted Areas). This rule

has been in use for eighteen years. So

why doesn’t everybody follow it? Why

is it a rule to begin with? Has this rule

turned into a joke that no one wants to

adhere to? To answer this last ques-

tion, I first had to find out why stu-

dents eat in the library to begin with.

I believe I found my answer when I

interviewed sophomore Tess Niewood.

When I asked her opinion about the

prohibition of food in the library, she

was hesitant to respond. Ultimately, she

did agree that the rule “makes sense.” I

asked her if she thought that it was fair

that students disregarded the rule. She

answered that it’s not fair, but it’s not

something that is likely to change. The

library is a place where students hang

out; there are few other places to go.

The student lounge is very small, and

mostly used by juniors and seniors. The

A Capital Good Time

Road to the

State

Tournament

The Law of the LibraryBy Ariela Greengart

Continued on pg.5

By Ben Niewood

In This Issue:

Scheduling Woes: A Maimo student takes a stab at the schedule, offer-ing a proposal to solve his personal angst......page 2

Robben Island: Sarah Ricklan goes to a former Prisoner of War

camp and lives to tell the tale................page 2

Bombs Away:�e US gets tired of wars on Earth and decides to bomb the moon..............page 7

�e Cartoon:Sick of waiting for �e

Spectrum Poll to return, Eli Portman makes a timely one

of his own............page 8

Culinary Corner:Sarah Robinson teaches you how to make a �anksgiving

pie.....................page 11

Continued on pg.7

By Daniel Lasman

Continued on pg.5

November 2009

Student outlaw munching in the library

Maimonides students at the Capitol

Vol. XXI Issue 8 March 2015 / Adar 5775 WWW.MAIMOSPECTRUM.COM

In This Issue:

A Maimonides senior makes the case for a helipad instead of the

tennis. court ... Page Love

See our Purim Staff Box ... Page 2

Boston prepares for its next storm: a locust

blizzard ... Plague 8

Mizrachi music skyrockets to top of Billboard Hot 100

Chart ... Page East

Rabbi Soskil agrees to stop censoring Spectrum

... Page XX

Famine strikes Maimo; students resort to looting

healthy vend.... Page $1.50

By Lauren KoraLniK ‘17On a Tuesday afternoon,

once a month, Maimonides teachers and staff gather for the infamous “faculty meeting.” Here is a ques-tion that has been circulat-ing for ages: What goes on during these meetings? Why doesn’t anyone know? Myths about these meetings have been passed around for decades. Some people believe the myths and think that teachers sit in a circle and discuss the students, how to improve the school’s learning environment for the students, and how to bet-ter the school’s curriculum.

Although that myth is nice and believed by many, it is not true. Disguised as a teacher, I sat in on a faculty meeting and experienced the strange happenings of the faculty conference person-

ally. Trust me, it was not like a n y -

t h i n g you could imagine.

While students left school early on the day of a faculty meeting, Maimonides fac-ulty enjoyed stale cookies and salad. Only when no more students were left in the building did the meeting really begin.

Rabbi Soskil kicked off the conference on an in-teresting note by handing out dartboards and darts to every teacher. One would think this was for a friendly, get-to-know-each-other-competition. But no: that was absolutely not what the

Faculty Meetings

A New Solution to an

Age-Old Problem

Continued on page 7

Chaiel’s Beard Gains Sentience

... Page 420

Mohawk Added to

Dress Code... Page W

School Mourns Mock Trial’s Wins... Page 3-0

Maimo Is Now Amish

By Davey SchoenBerg ‘15On February 30, Head of School

Naty Katz called a school assembly to discuss a change in Maimo.

“We are pleased to announce that starting this September, Maimonides School will become the first ever Amish Jewish day school.”

Mr. Katz explained that Maimon-ides would strictly enforce the

regulations that come with being Amish, including dress, technology, and, of course, churning butter.

“It was a logical progression, stemming from our mission as an institution,” he said. “The Rav always wanted us to be as modern as possible, and what could be more modern than separating ourselves from the dangers of technology.

Continued on page 8

Continued on page 10

By MichaeL gerBer ‘17Hamas and Israel have been at

each other’s throats for a while now, and many different efforts have been made to make the squabbling leaders get along. Recently, an effort made by Bill Clinton has come to light: there has been a rumor that Hamas leader Khaled Mashal and Israe-li Prime Minister Benjamin Ne-tanyahu, got down and stoned. I don’t literally mean getting “stoned,” or throwing stones; I am referring to smoking mari-juana. (Apparently, Bill Clinton was secretly part of Bush’s co-vert Operation Make Israel and Hamas Get Along that lasted from 2002-2006.)

Some have questioned why the two opposing leaders used this recreational drug. An un-confirmed statement from Ne-tanyahu has circled around the dark corners of the Internet: “I firmly believe marijuana is a way of life, man … The State of Israel has been at war many times now, but I think marijuana will now settle these disputes between countries.”

Reportedly, Bill Clinton be-came so frustrated over trying to settle the dispute between Hamas and Israel that he walked into a secure room with both leaders during a peace-talks meeting and plopped a five-ounce bag of marijuana right in

front of them. They smoked it all in under an hour. Bill

Clinton denies any of this, but then again, he also denied

having affairs be-hind his wife’s back. At the time, Khaled

Mashal commented on the website 4Chan under the user-

name “I’mNotKhaledMashal” saying, “Smoking weed really helped keep the flow of my

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The Culinary Corner

E(->$()'$E".;&>/)7By Bella RumshiskayaBy Sarah Robinson

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 2

The Spectrum Staff

Achashveroshes: Davey Schoenberg ’15 and Chaiel

Schaffel ’15Vashti:

Aviva Rosen ’16

Chief Minister to the King: Caleb Jacoby ’15

Assistant Minister to the King: Daniel Smits ’16

Chief Palace Builder: Sarah Pomeranz ’15

Palace Builder: Michael Gerber ’17

Advisors Editor: Hannah Stanhill ’15

Plays & Festivals Editor: Moshe Saltzman ’16

HaMadai Editor:David Kotler ’17

Palace News Editor: Aleeza Schoenberg ’17

Chariot Overseer: Ethan Frankel ’17

Royal Garb Manager: Michael Gerber ’17

Painting Editor: Shoshana Ehrenkranz ’16

Herald Manager: Jacob Fine ’15

Staff Scribes:Shoshana Ehrenkranz, Yoni Gelb, Michael Gerber, Lauren Koralnik,

Aviva Rosen, Moshe Saltzman, Chaiel Schaffel, Aleeza Schoenberg, Davey Schoenberg, Adira Smirnov,

Senai Weglein, Ezra Zimble

Bookkeepers:Davey Schoenberg ’15,

Sarah Pomeranz ’15Akiva Jacobs ’17

Faculty Esther: Ms. Wright

Treasury Manager: Mr. Rosenberg

Spectrum Staff Mordachai of the Month:

Rabbi Soskil ’[censored]

Advertisements: Please contact the editors at

advertise.Spectrum@gmail.comSpectrum, published monthly during the school

year, is the official student newspaper of Maimonides School.

To contribute to Spectrum, speak to the Editors-in-Chief. You may send letters to the editors by

email at Spectrumstaff@ gmail.com. Spectrum can also be found on the Internet at

http://maimospectrum.com

Photo Credits:

Mohawk-https://cezl.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/a-mohawk-is-a-mohawk-pink-or-grey/

Mourners-http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9955111/Mourners-for-rent-hired-to-blub-at-funerals.html

Beard- Chaiel’s Phone

Rabbi Soskil- bethfiloh.com

Amish man- www.dailymail.co.uk

Billy 2.0- Goldie Wolfson ’14

Taam China- http://myemail.constantcontact.com/News-from-M--Robinson---Company--PC.html?soid=1101339209163&aid=ycX-P7ut33Y

Toddlers’ brains- www.newparent.com

Fashion trend- www.sensibility.com

Dartboard- http://caledonianmercury.com/2013/01/11/weirs-week-11th-janu-ary-2013/0036697

Goats (page 8)- http://ihdwallpapers.com/funny_goat-wallpapers.html

Snow day- Shoshana Ehrenkranz

Marijuana- http://forgetoday.com/news/1-9-mil-lion-drugs-bust-in-disused-nightclub/

Goats (page 11)- http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-4161895-meh.php

Letter from the EditorsPurim Sameach, Spectrum

readers!

We are sorry to say that this will be the our last issue. Rab-bi Soskil has officially banned Spectrum. We struggled through discussions, arguments, cuts, and censors, but we could not fight any longer. We lost, and we know we have disappointed our few faithful readers.

Do not despair, dear Spectrum enthusiasts, for this final issue of Spectrum is sure to go out with a bang! We decided to up our game this month, and focus on the news that is truly important. After all, as Martin Luther King Jr. said: “Nothing in the world is

more dangerous than sincere igno-rance and conscientious stupidity.” We don’t want to leave you all sin-cerely ignorant, so we have com-piled some of the most newsworthy news out there.

You will read this month about the glamorous Lipa Schmeltzer hosting the Oscars—perfect din-ner table conversation. Later on, Davey Schoenberg reports on Mai-monides changing from a Modern Orthodox Jewish day school into an Amish Jewish day school. You can impress your friends and pre-pare yourself for this tremendous transition. In addition, we have the most important news to ever hit the newsstands: the Taam conspiracy. You can learn why your friends are

so completely addicted to Taam China food.

Before you turn to the next page to eat up all of the dramatic ongo-ings in Maimonides, wait a min-ute. Did you really think that your Spectrum Editors-in-Chief would give in the Rabbi Soskil that eas-ily? Of course not! If you’re in-terested in revolting and reviving Spectrum, meet us in Ms. Wright’s office next Wednesday to make a plan and stage our coup. See you all then!

Your jocular Editors-in-Chief,Davey,Chaiel,Aviva

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Help Billy celebrate Purim by drawing him a nice tiger costume.

World News

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d/1E/'8(),`,June 2010 Page 3Page 3

Advisors March 2015/ Adar 5775

Why Maimo Students Are Addicted to Taam

By aDira SMirnov ‘18At Maimonides School, Tuesday

is a day like no other. During the middle of each Tuesday, students

gather around the long table in the auditorium. They huddle and fidget, waiting to get to the front of the line. And what are they waiting for? Is it

some magical potion to give ever-lasting youth, some spell to guaran-tee good grades, a mysterious scroll with the answer to life, or the key to everything in the universe? No. It is food from Taam China.

Why? That is the question that has plagued students and teachers alike from the very first Taam Tuesday. What is it about this special Chi-nese food that turns Maimonides students into the drooling undead every Tuesday? The answer, as I have discovered, is in the spring rolls. Students will wait, unsuspect-ing, in the Taam line and pick up their food. Then they will continue on to pick up a place mat, a fortune cookie, and a spring roll. Now as they sit down, a friend asks, “Can I have your roll?” The student looks down at their enormous lunch and decides the only thing to do would

be to split it. Now both the student who ordered the Taam food and the friend eat the spring roll. In a full dosage, the spring roll can be fatal. It induces heavily zombie-like be-havior, including knocking younger children on their face, stealing their Chinese lunch and walloping poten-tial adversaries with a sack of bam-boo chopsticks. In smaller dosages, however, one simply becomes ob-sessed with having their next Taam meal.

The Taam Conspiracy, as it is known to some people, began inno-cently. One man, his name protected for anonymity, was dedicated to the proposition that everyone should have access to oily Chinese food and created a restaurant. His mar-ket was directed at Jews, a people he felt deserved to taste the East-Asian wonder of his Americanized

An Experiment to Test Toddlers’ BrainsBy ShoShana ehrenKranz ‘16

An experiment that has progressed over ten years has shown that a two year-old’s mind is much more complex than originally be-lieved. Two year-olds, sci-entists say, “have the most realistic view of the world. They have seen so much around them since no one tries to hide the world from them, believing the young humans cannot conceptu-ally understand what’s hap-pening. That belief is false. Rather, a two year-old pro-cesses that information at a very fast pace. It is only their lack of vocabulary and speech that prevents them from demonstrating their vast knowledge of the world.”

This theory was tested and proven in the first five years of the experiment. In the final five years, the scientists worked with en-gineers to build a machine, the RTM 2000, that would enable people to see what their toddlers are thinking. The machine was success-fully built and now is being tested in certain areas. Mai-monides School was one of the areas picked to test the

toddlers’ brain. Courtesy of the scientists,

Spectrum was given the dialogue of one toddler’s thought process when wan-dering around Maimonides for a day. The toddler is a little boy named Lance.

“Is Maimonides the stu-dent’s school or home? They seem so comfortable here. Wow, they were in that big room for a long time I wonder what they were do-ing in there. They seem to be moving their lips but no

words come out. What is that strange language that’s on that book they look at for a long time? Wow, they have cheerios after silently moving their lips, awe-some! Cheerios are my fa-vorite food. I wish these floors were carpeted be-cause I keep falling. They have lockers that are full of books and textbooks. I wonder why they need so many. I think there’s a weird smell coming from that locker over there. I re-

ally have to go to the bath-room. I am hungry. I hope they have yummy food in the vending machines. Oh, I didn’t know they only had a healthy choice, I guess I can wait for my mom to come and drop food off.”

After fifty-four pages of this type of repetitive dia-logue on food and bathroom issues after a day, the scien-tists concluded that possibly toddlers weren’t the best specimen for the experi-ment after all.

Ultimately, the machine caused a stir among the par-ents. The parents of the tod-dlers along with a majority of the toddlers believed this machine was a violation of the toddlers’ privacy. “I don’t want people knowing my every thought,” Sam, a blonde toddler, thought to us, ironically using the RTM 2000 machine. “I’ve always wanted a big brother but not the Big Brother from 1984,” Jane, a little girl with spaghetti sauce on her white onesie, conveyed to Spec-trum. The mother, in her defense, said that she only let her daughter watch 1984 when she was watching the movie herself, and at a point when she believed toddlers could not understand com-plex plots or ideas.

While this experiment has been fascinating, it has been breaking moral bound-aries. In the end, the world will not use the RTM 2000, but at least the scientists have discovered they wast-ed ten years of their life.

Continued on page 11

Editors’ note: Opinions ex-pressed in these articles are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of Spectrum or the editing staff.

A Maimo conspiracy has led to this phenomenon.

According to a new scientific study, two year-olds like this one are much smarter than previously believed. This research was made possble by new machines that can read toddlers’ minds.

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The Culinary Corner

E(->$()'$E".;&>/)7By Bella RumshiskayaBy Sarah Robinson

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 4

By ezra ziMBLe ‘16Lipa Schmeltzer, 36, is a man of

many talents. He’s a rabbi, a rock star, a Broadway director, and an overall ehrliche yid. His hit song Mizrach has over one million views on Youtube and is often played at clubs and discos. Schmeltzer’s talent has gained so much renown that Wikipedia has dubbed him “The Jewish Elvis” and “The Hassidic Lady Gaga.”

In this vein, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has decided to have Lipa host the 2016 Academy Awards. Schmeltzer gladly accepted the offer and will be succeeding actor Neil Patrick Harris in fulfilling this prestigious role.

In an interview with E! News, Schmeltzer expressed how “This is a gevaldic opportunity given to me by the Aibeshter to make a kiddush

Hashem.” He subsequently gave a shoutout to all the “real Yidden out there” and to his “Bros from the shtetl.”

I think Schmeltzer will make the perfect Oscar host. He’s exciting, talented, and funny. Most importantly, his vibrant dress style—Lipa is famous for his shiny silver coat and retro glasses—is bound to match red carpet attire worn by the most flamboyant celebrities. Lipa is already expected to wear a pure silk robe and a shtreiml made from the finest European road kill.

There are always debates at award ceremonies over the winners of the awards, and whether they truly deserve their honors. There will not be a debate, however, on whether or not the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences picked the right host. Everyone knows that Lipa Schmeltzer was the right choice.

By yoni geLB ‘16The Boston Celtics, who are in

the middle of an intense rebuilding process, have always been okay with trading away the stars of today in order to help them win in the future. In fact, over the past couple years, the Celtics have been stockpiling draft picks in exchange for their best players. What they have done over the past few days, however, is unprecedented in NBA history. The Celtics traded away all but five players on their roster in exchange for draft picks from other teams. The remaining players on the Celtics are Andre Dawkins, Phil Pressey, Shavlik Randolph, Jae Crowder, and Tyler Zeller, which is for sure the star-studded roster expected from the Celtics.

“We feel that the most efficient way of rebuilding and moving

forward is by trading away everyone and seeing how we do in the draft. We get many picks in the draft, and we’re bound to get at least two decent players,” explained general manager Danny Ainge defensively after the news of the roster dump broke. “As long as we’ve got a minimum of five players running the court every night—which we will have–I don’t see anything wrong with this.”

When asked about how he will handle the situation, however, head coach Brad Stevens did not seem as optimistic. “I guess we’ll see where this goes. Being entirely honest, this has never happened and is definitely a bit of a gamble. I’m not really sure what I am supposed to do, but I can assure the fans that the Celtics will play like they always do.”

“All I can say is there is gonna

Lipa Schmeltzer to Host the 2016 Oscars

Celtics Trade Away Almost Entire Roster

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Plays & Festivals

ATENTION! Ladies of Maimo:

JAKIE FINE

Is Single And Ready To Mingle!

Contact Jakie: 𑐀At School 𑐀By Phone

𑐀Through Facebook 𑐀By Email 𑐀By Letter

If you have any questions, contact akosowsky-15@maimonides.org

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Continued on page 11

World News

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d/1E/'8(),`,June 2010 Page 5Page 5

The Catch Seen Around the World

Bill Belichick briefly emerged from his neolithic cave home and glared at the reporters for five straight minutes in stony silence, paus-ing every couple of seconds to ferally growl at the raised hands.

March 2015/ Adar 5775

By chaieL SchaffeL ’15It was the catch seen around the

world. The ball glided smoothly, cutting the air between the fingertips of Russell Wilson’s gloves and the outstretched hand of Malcolm Butler. The scene, slowed down to visible speed, could have inspired a painting in the Sistine Chapel. Two outstretched hands, and the entire world just watching, waiting, and holding its breath. And, then, as you very well know, A great cry rose up from those assembled.

“Malcolm who?!”“Who is this kid!?”The events of the final play of

Super Bowl XLIX have been picked apart, diced, chopped up, blended, and made into a media-induced smoothie. However, the events that happened after the game are far more muddled. Much confusion still surrounds the sudden disappearance of MVP Tom Brady, among several other strange happenings after the last-second win.

First, and most interestingly, Tom Brady disappeared from University of Arizona stadium after his fifth round of interviews with the ever-eager press. According to the latest reports from the Associated Press, Brady was last seen “pulled on the backs of his offensive line in a flaming chariot that pierced the opened heavens, cackling like a crazy person, before finally disappearing high above Glendale in a blaze of sublime glory.” Some also report that he was shouting something along the lines of, “I’M FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” while bawling his eyes out into the box of Jets™ brand tissues that he carries with him wherever he goes.

The usually bright and cheery Head Coach Bill Belichick was not much help. The reclusive genius briefly emerged from his neolithic cave home and glared at the reporters for five straight minutes in stony silence, pausing every couple of seconds to ferally growl at the

raised hands. When pressed, he unhinged the iron hood that shades his face from all visible light for a few questions. Then, he answered every question the exact same way, scowling and repeating the phrase, “We’re on to the offseason.”

Rob Gronkowski was reported to have fractured his entire body in a tragic partying accident. Spectrum caught an exclusive interview with the superstar tight end, live from his hospital bed. “Yeah, I was just … Uhmm ….” The hulking figure looked away sheepishly. “Being totally responsible. We were just driving the ol’ party bus down the interstate and uhh … There was no … we were totally reponsible ... and uh … Yeah.”

Gronk will remain confined to his full body cast for the remainder of the offseason and the rest of eternity.

Julian Edelman, famously nicknamed “Minitron,” for his ability to take a beating and slip

through defenders’ pores, seemed mildly concussed after the game. When asked, he told reporters that he was “Totally fine, as always,” and to “Watch out for the angry Abe Lincoln statue behind you—he’s pretty mean. Almost got the Stegosaurus, too. ”

On the defense, veteran Vince Wilfork sat down to a fifteen course meal shortly after the game. “Ay, man, it’s tradition!” he said, as he downed a heap of mashed potatoes, an entire turkey, three goats, a full sized luxury sedan, and WBZM News Anchor Wendy Wong. “What,” he said. “You never been hungry?”

“Their ability and play on the court, or lack thereof, was not adequate for a league with the standards that we have.”-NBA Spokesperson

By MoShe SaLtzMan ‘16First reported by Chris

Broussard, the following has been confirmed: The New York Knicks and Philadelphia 76ers have been relegated to the D-League, the NBADL. A spokesperson from the NBA earlier today released a statement saying: “After conducting an owners’ vote, there has been a unanimous decision to move these

two teams to the NBADL. Their ability and play on the court, or lack thereof, was not adequate for a league with the standards that we have.”

After the announcement, it was discovered that there were talks of moving the two teams to the NCAA Division III league, but the NCAA declined, saying that the teams were “not capable of playing in a league

with such a high skill level.” The NBADL was forced to accept the two teams, as the NBA and NBADL are connected by contract.

“We apologize for the inconvenience and pain that comes with adding two teams that will be detrimental to our league, but we were required to by contract. We hope that the rest of the league’s fantastic players can make up for this,” said the commissioner of the NBADL after the original statement was released.

Fans of the two teams were more than happy to let their teams go. “Now I can bandwagon and not have to worry about getting criticized,” said a former Knicks fan, wearing a Golden State jersey

and an Atlanta hat. Players on the two teams felt

that the change was bittersweet. “It stinks to have to do this, but hopefully we will now have a chance to win some more games. It’s a fresh start and a place to put our losses behind us and start over,” said a 76er player while clearing out his locker.

There have been talks of also moving the Lakers. While this is terrible news for the NBADL, a league that was seemingly on the rise before this ordeal, the NBA could not be happier with the change.

Two Teams Demoted After Horrible PlayingFor the First Time Ever, Not One but Two Teams Have Been Sent Down

Players Respond in Various Ways to Patriots’ Game-Winning Play

The events of the final play of Super Bowl XLIX have been picked apart, diced, chopped up, blended, and made into a media-induced smoothie. However, the events that happened after the game are far more muddled. Much confusion still surrounds the sudden dis-appearance of MVP Tom Brady, among several other strange hap-penings after the last-second win.

Plays & Festivals

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 6

Secret Stalker Replaces Secret Psycher

By Senai WegLein ‘18Recently, a new trend has

appeared at Maimo. Unlike past trends at Maimo—for example, sweatpants under skirts, sweatshirts, or slippers—this trend is especially fashionable. It is also a big hit, greatly welcomed by the Student Life Team. As you probably already know, the trend I’m talking about is duty-length skirts. For those of you who don’t have any sense of style at all and don’t know what I’m talking about,

a duty-length skirt is a skirt that traditionally falls below the knee but above the ankle, somewhere right in between the two. The duty-length skirt is especially flattering and comes in colors such as army green, navy blue, and burnt orange.

Why is this trend suddenly so popular?

One freshman had the answer. She said that this trend has popped up so quickly “because covering our knees will obviously make the boys come running.”

A n o t h e r freshman added, “The girls at Maimo are really trying to make an effort to stay more tznius, so as a result, this skirt has become super trendy!”

It seems like it really has. Ila V. M. Adesty, a junior, said, “My

Maimo Starts a World-wide Fashion Trend

By aLeeza SchoenBerg ’17The census of people who

participate in “secret psycher” found that the number of participants is at an all time low. In secret psycher, a player is forced to give up her candy to another player, making sure it says, “Get Pumped” instead of its former message, “Happy Chanukah.” Some students began speculating about this decline, wondering if Girls’ Sports teams are losing players. One freshman guessed, “I think they have just been hit by how few edible choices there are in the vending machines these days. The athletes just gave up.” Seniors then handed the freshman a muffin and asked him for money. “#taamtuesday!” they cried as they carried him away.

But no, the teams have not shrunken, nor have the M-Cats given up on Maimo’s wonderful technology. They’ve just moved on. “We realized that when you give someone a candy bar, you never get to see it again. It’s just

for her,” explained a junior. “So we came up with a new way to get pumped for games—one that remains in our control, on our own phones forever.”

She’s referring to Secret Stalker. With Secret Stalker, teachers don’t complain about cheary locker decorations brightening the hallways. Before each game, the secret stalker takes photos of the athlete she must stalk. Then, she posts the embarrassing photos on Facebook.

“My team would come to the game all happy, full of chocolates, candies, other foods they hadn’t earned,” explained Winnie Gaymes, an M-Cat coach. “They just were not ready to play in the game, so I’d sit them out. But seeing this, their psychers would just give them more candy so that the psycher had a better chance playing in the game. Now, the girls come to games angry or in tears because of those miracle pictures. It’s exactly what our team has needed! Since Secret Stalker

Continued on page 11

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Continued on page 10

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Continued from page 1

Maimonides Hires a New Cleaning Service

By aviva roSen ’16As many know, the mess in

the lunchroom has become a constant problem for everyone here at Maimonides. Students leave their old cereal, milk, Taam China, sandwich crusts, and soda cans lying around the lunchroom. The trash litters the tables, chairs, and floors, making it nearly impossible for students to walk

around, let alone sit down. The food that gets stuck on the walls—mainly milk accidently spilled on the walls and spaghetti which missed its target—has started to stink. So much, in fact, that the administration is worried that the stench will drive prospective families from Maimo. The

solution is simple: goats. Maimonides has called in a

team of expert cleaners. Starting in April, students will now share the hallways with ten goats, imported all the way from Rabbi Soskil’s hometown of Baltimore. These goats—named Tom, Dick, Harry, Goat 4, Goat 5, Larry, Curly, Moe, Goat 9, and Bob—will live in the lunch room and clean up after breakfast and lunch periods. Being goats, they have no qualms about licking crumbs off the walls and eating yogurt off the floor.

An added benefit is that the goats are also able to eat the foil, bags, and cans that the students bring their lunches in. This means virtually no clean up for the students, so they get the extra thirty seconds it would have taken to throw their garbage out to learn one vocabulary word or walk over to the student lounge and think about playing Super Smash Brothers.

The goats, however, will need to be taken care of. In order to ensure their well being, whichever grade has been volunteered to clean the shul before Shabbat

Continued on page 11

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Starting in April, stu-dents will now share the hallways with ten goats, imported all the way from Rabbi Sos-kil’s hometown of Bal-timore.

dartboards were used for. After the dartboards were handed out, pack-ets with student’s pictures were passed around. Every teacher went through a packet and chose the pic-tures of his or her least favorite stu-dents. I am sure you can guess what happened next with those darts.

Although the faculty had a lot of fun doing that activity, there were many more intriguing happenings at the faculty meeting. One of the many projects was called “figur-ing out how to take away every free period our students have.” To do this fun-filled task, the faculty split up into two groups. The first group invited a speaker to come to Maimonides to give a heartfelt two-hour-long talk to the students, and the other group planned an outing for the teachers who now had a free period due to the guest speaker.

Next, Mr. Mattoon, singing “Baa Baa Black Sheep” and shaking a tambourine, led the faculty to the

junior and senior hallway. In the hallway, there were wheely chairs

set up in a single row. If you ever wondered what happened to the

wheels on the wheely chairs at Mai-mo, this is your answer: the faculty stole them for their wheely chair races! The winner of the race was given permission to give his favor-ite student an A for no reason and get a day off.

Another activity that took place was coming up with as many ways possible to have snow days. The teacher snow day activities are even better than the happenings in the teacher conferences, but I will not get into that…

Make sure to steer clear of the faculty conference coming next month… You never know who’s face is on the dart board.

Among other activities, teachers threw darts at pictures of students.

What Really Goes on in Teachers’ MeetingsPalace News

Goats Will Now Live in Maimonides in order to Clean Up After Maimo’s Messy Students

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 8

Eschewing Modern Technology, Maimonides Decides to Become Amish

Continued from page 1

By ezra ziMBLe ‘16Over the past few weeks, Mai-

monides has cancelled school about a half dozen times. The ob-vious excuse is that the snow made travel impossible for almost all students on those days. In the past, however, Maimonides has demon-strated that during blizzards it is willing to have a complete day of classes, covering crucial material, for a smaller portion of the student body if necessary.

For example, on one Friday a few years ago, Maimonides held school but exempted from attend-ing students who lived in Sharon, Providence, or parts of Brook-line more than two minutes away. Other examples are the many snow emergency early dismissal days during which students often find themselves sitting in the car

for hours after “attending” class for a few hours. So why has Mai-monides been so generous with its snow days this year?

The answer came in February Spectrum’s Letter to the Editors, in which the administration stated, “Although we are thrilled with this trend of anonymous articles complaining about davening, we cannot cancel davening. We can, however, do our best to assure that school and, by extension, minyan will be at a minimum this month. We will find every excuse to have snow days, and hopefully have more than one a week. We will also excuse all students who wish to skip davening this month as long as they miss part of first period, as well.”

Snow days are a clever solution to the problem of forced davening

presented in Janu-ary’s Spectrum. Students who are “just not feeling it that day” now have the option of miss-ing davening sev-eral times a week without offending any teachers. Addi-tionally, snow days are a great solu-tion to the hygienic concerns about the group of freshmen who, in an effort to escape teachers, eat breakfast and do homework to-gether every day in the boys’ bathroom during davening.

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Palace News

Nowadays, people are increasingly recognizing that technology is harmful; they’re going on Internet ‘diets.’ Our goal is to jump on that bandwagon.”

The new designation of the school will lead to a few minor changes. First and foremost is dress. Students must now wear clothing in one of the three pre-approved colors—pale blue, pale yellow, and pale white—although special dispensation may be given for pale black. Zippers on pants must be cut out, and velcro must be burned off with a candle before the clothes may be worn.

At the same time, however, students will find that other than the colors, the clothing itself will be less restrictive.

“The new-fangled laws addressing skirt length and the cut of shirts have been removed,” Student Life Department member Amy Rosen said. “The only requirement is that ankles must be covered at all times; other than that, anything goes.”

Few were surprised with the development. Freshman Ami Shluver noted, “Everyone already knows that one of our principals is Amish. Rabbi Soskil was clearly

brought in as an example of how to be an Amish Jew. It just makes sense that now it’s the teachers’ and students’ turn.”

Like the students, classrooms will also get a makeover. Smartboards will be replaced with giant pads of parchment, and instead of projectors, teachers will make shadow puppets on the walls. (Over the summer, teachers will undergo intensive shadow puppet training to perfect their shadow casting abilities.) In addition, due to halachic problems with manufacturing, stacks of unused Gemaras will take the place

of desks and tables.Discipline, of course, will not go

unaltered: to the delight of students, detention has been eliminated. Instead, while not strictly an Amish device, the guillotine has become the punishment of choice for administrators. Students will lose a finger for each minute that they

come late to class. After ten minutes, they will begin to lose toes.

When asked what happens if a student is more than twenty minutes late to class, Rabbi Huff responded, “What, you think we ever plan that well in advance? We’ll see what happens when it comes to it. Probably, we’ll just cut off their heads. That’ll teach them not to come late!”

Arriving on time, however, will also be more difficult. Because of the Amish prohibition against technology, students may no longer use busses, cars, or public

transportation to get to school. Instead, Maimo has procured special horse and buggy licenses for all families. At a cost of $5,000 per person (an extra 2% added to tuition bills), these licenses will allow each family to keep three horses in their backyards. But as always, Maimo will not provide any location for

parking. Students will continue to fight over the last few spots on Route Nine—this time with the help of their equestrians’ kicking abilities. Additionally, because Maimonides no longer wants to pay for transportation, Sharonites and Providencians will have to walk to school.

Perhaps the largest change of all will be to the curriculum. Math will be performed without calculators, although Mr. Schockett expects that students will continue to ask, “Can we use a calculator on the test?” Science will be dropped completely, while English and History will be limited to penmanship. Limudei Kodesh, of course, will remained unchanged, except students will finally understand when the teacher explains that the Talmud was written before the Internet. Finally, a few new subjects will be added to the curriculum, including sewing, milking a cow, and churning butter.

As the Rav famously said, “My greatest pleasure in being Amish is being able to make my own butter.”

Taking the Lead of Rabbi Soskil, Maimo’s Dress Code, Curriculum, and More to Change

Smartboards will be replaced with giant pads of parchment, and instead of projec-tors, teachers will make shadow puppets on the walls.

Maimo Administration Institutes Snow Days in Response to Anonymous Spectrum Articles

Who doesn’t like a nice snow day?

World News

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d/1E/'8(),`,June 2010 Page 9Page 9 March 2015/ Adar 5775

ATTENION MAIMONIDES STUDENTS

This is a public service announcement.

We the Administration have noticed that students seem to be slightly unlikely to go to davening on time. We have therefore decided to implement a new program to ensure prompt attendance.

We believe that the only thing preventing students from going to davening is that they wake up late. Therefore, all rooms of Maimonides students will now be equipped with sensors to ensure that students go to bed on time and wake up on time. In order to ensure it is fair for everyone—Newton, Sharon, and Providence alike—all students will be required to go to bed by 9:30pm and wake up before 5:00am. No exceptions.

After the curfew and after wake-up time, shocks will be administered to students through their iPhones (which they are always holding, of course).

Maimonides Drones have already put these non-removable systems into place.

To the relief of students, we are sure, homework levels will be unaffected by this program.

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 10

Sources Reveal Bill Clinton Tried to Use Marijuana to Cat-alyze Peace Deal, Efforts Failed After Fight over the Last

Brownie—Clinton Denies ReportContinued from page 1

March 2015/ Adar 5775

closet is full of mid-calf skirts. And my knees have never been more covered.”

And apparently this trend is very functional, too. Not only do these skirts match everything and anything you could possibly imagine, but they are not especially hard to find. In fact, you might already have a couple in your closet. According to one freshman, “No one has to buy new skirts for this trend! We just pull down or unroll

our old ones!” If that doesn’t make the administration proud, she does not know what will.

But aside from having tzniut benefits, this skirt is also a big hit in the fashion industry.

“This trend may have started at

Maimo, but we’re sure to see it at Fashion Week and beyond!” said an elated freshman.

She was right. At New York Fashion Week,

designers such as DKNY and Monique Lhuillier debuted several

duty-length skirts for their spring-summer line. The girls at Maimo celebrated the big news by coming to school in their best duty-length skirts.

“We all came into school wearing our duty-length skirts. We took a lot of pictures; it was great!” one girl reported.

All I can say is, who knew Maimo was so trendy? Can’t wait to see what the next trend will be!

Maimo Starts Fashion TrendContinued from page 6

mojo, baby … I recall being on this spiritual journey with Snoop Dogg. He told me war is not the answer … Twerking and recreational drugs are the answer to discovering life’s true mysteries.”

Although these sources are most-

ly from Internet sites such as 4Chan and Reddit, which are looked upon as “troll-ish” sites, we have reason to believe all of this information is 100% accurate.

To address concerns about the safety of using marijuana, Netanya-

hu posted on 4Chan, “Marijuana is said to be an unsafe drug for non-medical use, but the only thing I see unsafe about mari-juana is NOT having it at all. Ever since Bill Clinton intro-duced Marijuana to Khaled and me, I be-gan to realize a true friendship between us. After I started to smoke marijuana, I looked at Khaled,

and he looked back at me. Tears flowed freely from our eyes, and we hugged each other tightly. We looked at each other and we made a pinky promise to not fight ever again.”

That promise was broken five minutes later.

There is little information regard-ing on how such a friendship turned right back into hatred, but there are some rumors that a brawl broke out over the last brownie.

Despite the obvious veracity of the stoner episode, all of the indi-viduals mentioned in this article, deny any of this happening—some-thing to do with embarrassment and legal issues. Additionally, all of the evidence we have from the websites were salvaged through the grape-vine because 4Chan and Reddit dis-posed of all the information.

Editors’ note: Information for this article was taken from random people who gossiped to the author.

“[When] Bill Clinton introduced Marijua-na to Khaled and me … we hugged each other tightly. We looked at each other, and we made a pinky promise to not fight ever again”-Bibi Netanyahu

“No one has to buy new skirts for this trend! We just pull down or unroll our old ones!”

World News

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d/1E/'8(),`,June 2010 Page 11Page 11

began, we haven’t lost a game!”Sometimes, the secret stalkers

leave hints to their subjects. “Mine are personalized. I really get into the spirit: I cut out letters from magazines. My last message said, ‘You’d better look out.’ Ahaha,” said an anonymous freshman. She said more, but threatened me not to print it.

What some people don’t know

about Secret Stalker, explained a senior, “is that all those pictures you see in birthday collages—those come from Secret Stalker. Usually they’re the nicer ones.” She explained that posting them on people’s birthdays is like saying, “Sorry about last season. So we’re cool?”

People never know who their next Secret Stalker will be.

Why Maimo Students Are Addicted to Taam

Continued from page 3

Secret Stalker Proves More Effective

will also be required to bathe and brush the goats. Water and soap will be provided, but students are encouraged to lick them clean. Additionally, they have been told to bring a change of clothes as the goats do not like being washed and will likely kick and splash anyone who tries to get them wet. In addition, the goats will need to be milked weekly. This requires a strong willed student who is willing to chase an unwilling goat around the school and possibly get hooved in the stomach while trying.

A mandatory training session on how to care for the goats will be taking place twice a week for

three weeks. The session will be led by Rabbi Huff who, being from Sharon, has experience with goats. Anyone caught ditching will be required to spend a detention period helping the goats clean up the lunch room. No hands will be allowed: the disciplined student must clean up like the goats.

These new goats appear to be the perfect solution to Maimo’s clean up problem. The only difficulty: students now need to be extra careful not to step in, slip on, or fall in the goat poop that has replaced the food as Maimo’s source of mess and stench.

March 2015/ Adar 5775

Continued from page 6

Chinese food, too. But the Jews of Boston were satisfied with their own falafel and schwarma, so this chef, in desperation, came up with an idea. He added a special addic-tive herb to his spring rolls. Found high in the Tian Shen mountain range, this herb, called Mung Soy Guk, is a staple among Chinese immigrants and various food in-dustry professionals to this day. and then distributed them for free to the Maimonides student popu-lation. They were suspicious, but could not resist free food, so they

ate it. Ever since, the Maimonides population has become increasing-ly obsessed with Taam China.

Disney, one of the greatest movie makers of all time, has also harnessed the magical powers of this Chinese food conspiracy. In the Disney movie Freaky Friday, magical things happen after a mother and daughter eat mysteri-ous Chinese food. But Disney only scratched the surface. Now you too, dear reader, know the true ex-tent of the Taam Conspiracy.

be a lot of running,” noted Shavlik Randolph. Jae

Crowder added, “The locker room feels a bit empty now, but I like the space, so it’s not too bad.”

Many fans were upset with the upheaval. “I just got this Marcus Smart jersey for my birthday,” cried an eight-year-old wearing his Smart jersey.

Nonetheless, many understood the logic behind the Celtics’ drastic

choice. A fan said, “Before this trade, we actually had a chance of making the playoffs, so it kind of stinks, but I get it. It’s better for the future. That’s more important than winning this season.”

While the Celtics might be stocked for the future, the next few years don’t show much promise. In my opinion, it will likely be as bad as the 76ers.

In a full dosage, the spring roll induces zombie-like behaviors, including knock-ing younger children down and stealing their Chinese lunch. In smaller dosages, however, one just becomes obsessed with having their next Taam meal.

Celtics Upend RosterContinued from page 4

Goats to Clean MaimoContinued from page 7

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The Culinary Corner

E(->$()'$E".;&>/)7By Bella RumshiskayaBy Sarah Robinson

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f():(-#$aURUJune 2010Page 12

Sarah’s SillysFor the Purim Edition, I have decided to try some anti-jokes in the

spirit of Vinahafochu and what not.

1. Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

2. How do you confuse a blond? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

3. A duck walks into a bar and the bartender says , “What’ll it be?” The duck said nothing, because it’s a duck.

4. Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was hit by a bus.

5. Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

6. An Irishman walks out of a bar.

7. Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

8. What would George Washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

9. Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

10. Your momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

11. How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You set an alarm for a reason-able hour.

12. A man walks into the doctor’s office and says “Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this.” The doctor says “Yes, you’ve shattered both your kneecaps. You’ll never walk again.”

13. Have you seen Stevie Wonder’s new house? No. Well, it’s really nice.

14. Why did the chicken commit suicide? To get to the other side.

15. What is brown and green that can fall out of a tree and kill you? A pool table.

16. Roses are grey. Violets are grey. I am a dog.

17. Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.

18. Why the girl fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her.

The Culinary CornerBy Davey SchoenBerg ’15

In this guest column, I have a special recipe for you this month. In honor of Purim, I will teach you my favorite recipe ever. It has been passed down in my family for generations, from my grandfather, who got it from his great grandfather, who heard it from his first father-in-law, who bought it off a witch doctor, and now it is being given to you. For the first time in print, the ye olde recipe for costume-scrap hamantashen.

This ultimate recipe combines two staples of Pu-rim celebration: half-burnt dough, and leftover cut-tings from your home-made Purim costume. This no-waste method lets you use up the costume scraps you would otherwise waste!

Ingredients:1. Cloth, buttons, zippers, glue, and anything else

leftover from your costume2. Water3. Hamantashen Mix (available at two stores world-

wide—one in Iran and the other in the depths of the Atlantic Ocean)

Directions:1. Mix Water and Hamantashen Mix, as directed

on box.2. Put costume scraps in center.3. Try to fold into a triangle.4. End up with some weird thing that look like three

boomerangs arranged in a vaguely triangular shape.5. Get frustrated, and fold everything into ball.6. Call your mother (or father—we don’t make as-

sumptions here at Spectrum) to fix it.7. Sit back and watch her (or him) somehow fix

everything.8. Cook at 350 until you think it kind of looks done.9. Keep in for another ten minutes just to be sure.10. Waft the smoke away from the smoke detec-

tors, praying they don’t go off.11. Run out of the house, and wait for the fire de-

partment to come.12. Purchase new house.13. Purchase hamantashen from the bakery.Enjoy!

Costume-scrap Hamantashen

Spectrum Page 8 November 2009

Arts & Entertainment

In theater, they say that the show

must go on. The residents of Valparaiso

felt as though they were actors in a cruel,

sadistic performance, and so for them,

too, the show went on. The sun rose the

next morning and each person awoke and

prepared for the day. As the sun climbed

higher in the sky, the downtown area of

the city filled with people. They were

tired and afraid, but they went to work.

They did not speak with the same en-

thusiasm as they had the day before, but

they greeted each other. They walked in

hurt footsteps, as if each of them had been

shot, but they walked. Time doesn’t stop

on a stage, and it didn’t stop for them.

As the busy streets quieted, two teen-

agers walked together. The boy, tall and

strapping, had an air of uncertainty about

him. The girl, slight and bewitching,

looked confident. They walked side by

side, but they neither looked at each other

nor spoke to one another. It was not until

they reached the enormous colonial na-

val headquarters building, a block away

from their destination, that they stopped.

The boy looked up at the intricate

white latticework, as delicate as a spi-

der web, and broke the silence. “I’m

having second thoughts.” He did not

Which of the following do you think would best improve

the atmosphere of the library during lunch period?

A. A Kosher McDonalds

B. A Kosher Starbucks

C. A Kosher Subway

D. A Kosher Dunkin Donuts

By Eli Portman

look at the girl, her eyes glaring

at him from under dark lashes.

“Miguel, we’ve discussed this!

The girl said, the annoyance and

urgency in her voice unmasked.

“You’ve told me why you need

this job! Tell me the story again.”

“I just think we should wait a

while, Cassandra. I’ll come back in

a week or so.” Miguel replied, still

staring at the blue building, his eyes

drifting to the door where two men

stood guard. They each held a rifle.

Cassandra shook her head. “Tell

me the story.”

The boy closed his eyes. He still

saw the officers’ large guns resting

on their shoulders. He sighed and

opened his heavy eyes. “Can we sit?”

Miguel led his friend to a nearby

bench. “You want the whole story?”

Cassandra nodded. “Remind

yourself why you wanted this.”

Miguel exhaled slowly and then

began to speak. “About a week be-

fore my mother’s death, I overheard

her speak to my father. They were in

the kitchen; it was past my bedtime.

I was coming down to tell them I

couldn’t sleep, but I stopped on the

stairs. I didn’t want to interrupt. My

mom was upset. At first I couldn’t

hear what she was saying; she was

whispering frantically. But I listened

closely, and eventually I heard.

“She told my dad that she had re-

ceived a letter. I don’t know what it

said; I don’t think my father ever did

either. She just said it was threaten-

ing, and that we had to move soon.

She was going to withdraw the

money. My dad refused. He said that

he couldn’t leave; he had his own

business and had finally established

himself as a reliable storekeeper.”

“Then he wanted to see the let-

ter. My mom shook her head, say-

ing that she had sent it back to the

post office without a return address.

Just then, my parents started walk-

ing toward the stairs, so I had to

rush up to bed before they saw me.

That was the last thing I heard.”

Miguel now stared at the Chil-

ean flag hanging out a window.

The wind rustled through it, mak-

ing the red, white, and blue dance

wildly against the blue building.

“And so why do you want the

job at the post office?” Cassandra

prompted.

“I remember reading somewhere

that all letters like that are archived

in the office. I want to find it. I want

to know who should be in jail instead

of my father for killing my mother.”

1. Use a steamer to steam the potatoes on high heat for 15-17 minutes. They should be tender

in about twenty minutes. Once you are able to easily insert a fork, remove the potatoes from

the steamer and let them cool for at least ten minutes.

2. Peel the potato skins. Then mash the potatoes in a large mixing bowl (I recommend using a

tuna mixer for this).

3. Combine the other ingredients. Beat the sugar, margarine, soymilk, egg, pineapple and co-

conut, vanilla, and spices in with the potatoes. Mix VERY well. If you don’t, you will be sorry.

Take my word for it.

4. Pour into a greased pan and, if you’d like, drizzle the top with honey. Bake for 45 minutes at

350oF.

5. Serve warm or cool. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey Food Fans!This month, every newspaper I’ve seen (thus far) has published many turkey recipes in prepa-

ration for Turkey Day. But as everyone knows, Thanksgiving meals are never complete with-

out pie. Below is one of my favorite pie recipes. I like it because it is versatile – it can be used

for the Thanksgiving main course, desert, or for any Shabbat meal. Plus, it will not fail you: it

will come out of the oven with the same consistency each time—I promise. But most impor-

tantly, this pie has a wonderful tang which will keep your guests wondering, “Where on earth

did that flavor come from?” Luckily, you’ll know that it came from pineapple and coconut!

Crustless Sweet Potato Pie

Culinary CornerBy Sarah Robinson

3-4 medium sweet potatoes

! C sugar

" C pareve margarine at room temperature

# C creamy soymilk

1 large egg

3 teaspoons pineapple juice

2 teaspoons coconut flavoring or coconut milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

A dash of cinnamon

A dash of nutmeg

A dash of ginger (optional)

Honey (optional)

Fly on the Wall

By Sarah Jane Ricklan

Part IV

Naval building in Valparaiso, Chile

Spectrum Page 8 November 2009

Arts & Entertainment

In theater, they say that the show

must go on. The residents of Valparaiso

felt as though they were actors in a cruel,

sadistic performance, and so for them,

too, the show went on. The sun rose the

next morning and each person awoke and

prepared for the day. As the sun climbed

higher in the sky, the downtown area of

the city filled with people. They were

tired and afraid, but they went to work.

They did not speak with the same en-

thusiasm as they had the day before, but

they greeted each other. They walked in

hurt footsteps, as if each of them had been

shot, but they walked. Time doesn’t stop

on a stage, and it didn’t stop for them.

As the busy streets quieted, two teen-

agers walked together. The boy, tall and

strapping, had an air of uncertainty about

him. The girl, slight and bewitching,

looked confident. They walked side by

side, but they neither looked at each other

nor spoke to one another. It was not until

they reached the enormous colonial na-

val headquarters building, a block away

from their destination, that they stopped.

The boy looked up at the intricate

white latticework, as delicate as a spi-

der web, and broke the silence. “I’m

having second thoughts.” He did not

Which of the following do you think would best improve

the atmosphere of the library during lunch period?

A. A Kosher McDonalds

B. A Kosher Starbucks

C. A Kosher Subway

D. A Kosher Dunkin Donuts

By Eli Portman

look at the girl, her eyes glaring

at him from under dark lashes.

“Miguel, we’ve discussed this!

The girl said, the annoyance and

urgency in her voice unmasked.

“You’ve told me why you need

this job! Tell me the story again.”

“I just think we should wait a

while, Cassandra. I’ll come back in

a week or so.” Miguel replied, still

staring at the blue building, his eyes

drifting to the door where two men

stood guard. They each held a rifle.

Cassandra shook her head. “Tell

me the story.”

The boy closed his eyes. He still

saw the officers’ large guns resting

on their shoulders. He sighed and

opened his heavy eyes. “Can we sit?”

Miguel led his friend to a nearby

bench. “You want the whole story?”

Cassandra nodded. “Remind

yourself why you wanted this.”

Miguel exhaled slowly and then

began to speak. “About a week be-

fore my mother’s death, I overheard

her speak to my father. They were in

the kitchen; it was past my bedtime.

I was coming down to tell them I

couldn’t sleep, but I stopped on the

stairs. I didn’t want to interrupt. My

mom was upset. At first I couldn’t

hear what she was saying; she was

whispering frantically. But I listened

closely, and eventually I heard.

“She told my dad that she had re-

ceived a letter. I don’t know what it

said; I don’t think my father ever did

either. She just said it was threaten-

ing, and that we had to move soon.

She was going to withdraw the

money. My dad refused. He said that

he couldn’t leave; he had his own

business and had finally established

himself as a reliable storekeeper.”

“Then he wanted to see the let-

ter. My mom shook her head, say-

ing that she had sent it back to the

post office without a return address.

Just then, my parents started walk-

ing toward the stairs, so I had to

rush up to bed before they saw me.

That was the last thing I heard.”

Miguel now stared at the Chil-

ean flag hanging out a window.

The wind rustled through it, mak-

ing the red, white, and blue dance

wildly against the blue building.

“And so why do you want the

job at the post office?” Cassandra

prompted.

“I remember reading somewhere

that all letters like that are archived

in the office. I want to find it. I want

to know who should be in jail instead

of my father for killing my mother.”

1. Use a steamer to steam the potatoes on high heat for 15-17 minutes. They should be tender

in about twenty minutes. Once you are able to easily insert a fork, remove the potatoes from

the steamer and let them cool for at least ten minutes.

2. Peel the potato skins. Then mash the potatoes in a large mixing bowl (I recommend using a

tuna mixer for this).

3. Combine the other ingredients. Beat the sugar, margarine, soymilk, egg, pineapple and co-

conut, vanilla, and spices in with the potatoes. Mix VERY well. If you don’t, you will be sorry.

Take my word for it.

4. Pour into a greased pan and, if you’d like, drizzle the top with honey. Bake for 45 minutes at

350oF.

5. Serve warm or cool. Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey Food Fans!This month, every newspaper I’ve seen (thus far) has published many turkey recipes in prepa-

ration for Turkey Day. But as everyone knows, Thanksgiving meals are never complete with-

out pie. Below is one of my favorite pie recipes. I like it because it is versatile – it can be used

for the Thanksgiving main course, desert, or for any Shabbat meal. Plus, it will not fail you: it

will come out of the oven with the same consistency each time—I promise. But most impor-

tantly, this pie has a wonderful tang which will keep your guests wondering, “Where on earth

did that flavor come from?” Luckily, you’ll know that it came from pineapple and coconut!

Crustless Sweet Potato Pie

Culinary CornerBy Sarah Robinson

3-4 medium sweet potatoes

! C sugar

" C pareve margarine at room temperature

# C creamy soymilk

1 large egg

3 teaspoons pineapple juice

2 teaspoons coconut flavoring or coconut milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

A dash of cinnamon

A dash of nutmeg

A dash of ginger (optional)

Honey (optional)

Fly on the Wall

By Sarah Jane Ricklan

Part IV

Naval building in Valparaiso, Chile

March 2015/ Adar 5775