Design for Forgetting: Disposing of Digital

Possessions After a BreakupKangeun Lee

UX Prototyping

Table of Contents• Core Research Ideas

• Research Questions

• Theoretical Background

• Method

• Results and Findings

• Design Implications

• Conclusion

Core Research Ideas• Digital Possessions

o Personal digital artifacts acquired through daily activities (photos, messages, music, videos) and stored across several digital spaces (computers, phones, cameras)

o Extensions of self, symbolic meaning in appropriation and personalization

• Digital disposal and forgettingo Most previous HCI work emphasize retention of relationships, forgetting

and deleting digital possessions received less attention than it needs

• Romantic Relationship Breakupo Situation where people highly motivated to forget

o Relationship central to sense of identity, separation results in loss of sense of self

o Observe people’s attitudes to digital possessions that are upsetting reminders of past events

Research Questions• What types of digital possessions are relevant to

romantic relationship dissolution? What functions do

such possessions serve in the breakup?

• What strategies do people use for managing

possessions? How do people enact disposal

practices?

Theoretical Background• Life Transitions

o How significant events effect identity reconstruction

o Recall things supporting current identity, repress memories undermining it

o Death, divorce, premarital relationship dissolution -> theories of

attachment, stress, grief

o Bereavement: period of grief after loss, possessions of departed given symbolic value, emphasize continuing bonds with deceased

o Using possessions prolongs grief while recalling fond memories alleviate it

o Divorce: have to process mixed emotions as well

o McAlexander: break free (discard), hold on(maintain married role),

dissolve ties(divide equally)

o Premarital relationship dissolvement: distress, depression, lack of self-concept clarity , but also opportunity for self-growth

o Gifts symbolize important moments in relationship, difficult to get rid of

Theoretical Background• Intentional Forgetting, Possessions and Sense of Self

o Forget/dispose what clashes with current desired identity, especially when

memories emotional and self-centered, and vice versa

o Follows creative process (craft, writing) as sense-making

Theoretical Background• Divorce, Bereavement and Relationship Dissolution

in HCI o Odom: filtering/annotating possessions by owners and surviving loved

ones, ‘letting go’ for honoring deceased and moving on, gradual

degradation of digital possessions

o Massimi & Baecker: repurpose digital artifacts into online memorials, the

self evolves during recovery from painful past

• Facebooko Lack of context in interactions can cause doubts on fidelity, threaten

relationships

o Difficulty of changing relationship status, unfriending ex-partner, stalking

ex-partner’s profile, removing all extensive traces of relationship

Method• Semi-structured interviews: asked 24 people (8 male

and 16 female) about experience of relationship

dissolution and role of possessions in moving on

• Generation Y (Ages 19-34), interested in love and

intimacy within friendships and romantic

relationships and friendly with multiple technologies

• 6 months to a year after breakup (significant points

in grief process)

Method• Procedure

o Moving on: what helped/hindered this process?

o Show possessions most relevant to relationship and explore how they serve

as mementos and what memories they triggered

o Both digital and physical possessions discussed(what was

retained/disposed and why, feelings about process/decision)

• Analysis and Discussiono Coding and thematic analysis from initial categories (types and roles of

possessions and strategies to deal with them) to more refined categories

(disposal practices and enactment)

o Extensive discussion with participants on themes

Results and Findings• Types of Possessions

o Digital surpassed physical in number and diversity

o Vary in format and location, pervasive (on variety of devices, platforms, applications)

o Digital: Photo collections (40%), SNS contacts (20%), music collections (7%), relationship status on SNS (6%), email collections (5%), text messages (5%), mobile phone contact (4%), videos (3%)

o Physical: romantic gifts (76%)birthday and Valentine cards (15%), perfect gifts (9%)

• Roles and Critical Functionso Communications: records of conversations, contact information,

relationship indicators that indicate intimacy and connection

o Evocative symbols (photos, videos) and emotional context (music)

o Meta-aspects: reflection on relationship and breakup, sense-making (blogs, diaries, journals) and meta-data (reminders through photo tags and folder names)

Results and Findings• Limiting contact and transforming self-presentation

o Communication technologies and SNS made for continuous speedy contact with only crude methods for breaking off relationship (Facebook)

o Other problems: deleting stored messages, effect of relationship presentation on dividing friends’ loyalties

• Reducing evocative reminiscenceo Mixed reactions to photos and music

o Both positive and negative reminiscing

• Symbolic detachmento Disposal symbolic of transition from old self (represented by possessions) to new

self after deleting

• Few truly shared digital possessions, art, giftso No complex negotiations around shared possessions (either do not have many

or because they are easily replicated)

o Digital gifts rare

Results and Findings• Strategies for Disposal

o Deleters and Total Disposal (12)

o Immediately delete all digital possessions after breakup

o SNS

• Limited control over self-relevant material, untagging over deletion

• Immediate unfriending/blocking ex-partner’s access to profile

• Change relationship status to single

• Discontinue any form of contact through SNS (stalking, interaction)

• Active or passive engagement

o Physical possessions: throw away, neglect willfully, destruction, passing onto others

o Forms of intentional forgetting

• Tackle good and bad memories

• Only tackle good memories (reduce guilt about bad ones)

o Good for short-term basis, separation from contact & reminders

o Impulsive, some deleters regret erasing memories

Results and Findings• Strategies for Disposal

o Keepers and Retaining (8)

o Preserve all digital and physical possessions to reminisce

o SNS: Subtle online surveillance

o Concealment: store possessions in inaccessible places to reduce negative

impact, delete files from original location after backup,

o Emotional disinvestment rituals: strip symbolic meaning, reduce to

functional object

o Maintaining possessions tend to prolong grief process

o Need designs for better controlling reminiscing caused by digital

possessions

o Remember only good memories, idealizing relationship

o Tend to be those who were broken up with, first 6 months after breakup

Results and Findings• Strategies for Disposal

o Selective Disposers and Discontinued Use with Later Curating (4)

o Stop using immediately(create space needed to move on), then selective

disposal of digital possessions (reminisce around valued group of

possessions)

o Discontinued use: keep accessibility while preventing reminiscing, as

opposed to concealment (can trigger reminiscing)

o SNS: Limited use for some time

o Separation ritual: complete disposal after period of deliberation

o Remember both good and bad memories

o Designs should be made to help active selection of valued possessions to

maintain, depends on type of attachment

Results and Findings• Enacting Disposal Practices

o Difficult and Unending: vast collections of digital possessions across

multiple devices, applications, web-services and platforms

o Emotionally taxing, not exhaustive

o May come across unknown leftover digital traces

• Deleting and Renegotiating Ties in Social Networkso Complicated: lack of control over digital traces, tension of

maintaining/deleting shared friends, reduced access to social world

o Relationship status problematic in explaining to acquaintances about

detailed breakup

o Digital accessibility allows for check up on other person – Good or bad

Results and Findings• Time, Distance and Emotions Influence

o Duration

• Swift and cathartic (disposed by key press)

• Gradual: separation ritual, can lead to lengthened painful reminding

o Duration and reversibility important

o Location: physical distance (store with others) and social distance

(remove digital traces from SNS)

o Feelings: hurt/desire for control -> permanently dispose on impulse

o Strategy can directly affect feelings (‘keepers’ and prolonged grief)

Design Implications• Automatic Harvesting of Pandora’s Box

o Automatically gather digital material about relationship through face

recognition, machine learning or entity extraction

o Allows possessions to be collected together without participants actively

having to gather them and go through painful reminders

o Collection = Pandora’s Box

• Don’t Touch!: Self Control in Intentional Forgettingo Technologies for self-control: help manage emotions and control impulses

o Keepers: reduce temptation to re-engage with possessions through self-

administered mechanisms blocking direct access to Pandora’s box

o Choose availability regimes (deferred/infrequent access)

o Social support: choose friends as ‘gatekeepers’ to consult before seeing

evocative materials

o Engage with new SNS posts from friends rather than partner’s activity

Design Implications• Active Selection of a Treasure Chest

o Treasure chest of valued items: a few highly valued digital possessions for

positive reminiscing

o Actively select valued materials during/after relationship

o Ex: photo viewings

• Crafting for Moving Ono Creative symbolic digital artifacts to process grief

o Slow transformation of Pandora’s box

o Make collages of possessions with visual techniques -> abstract

visualization

o Symbolic objects -> tangible artifacts make sounds for mood enhancing

o Closure, celebrating good, acknowledging bad, help move on

Design Implications• Truly Shared Possessions

o SNS, individual rather than shared digital spaces, disposal problematic

o Relationship profile: simple extraction of relationship traces, vent about

relationship

Theoretical Implications• Digital possessions also material and pervasive

o Directly integrated into lives of young people (SNS)

o Actively save sentimental digital possessions for reminiscing

o Evocativeness, visibility, pervasiveness, strong symbolic meaning -> real

physical possessions

• Ambivalent Emotions o Retention of digital possessions not always positive

o Bereavement: emphasize maintaining ties with less destructive disposal

practices

o Demographics: participants young and in transitional stage of life, digital

possessions more strongly reflect relationships

o Role of possessions in life transitions, when people define something

ambivalent or confining

Theoretical Implications• Intentional Forgetting

o Digital possessions that cause negative reminiscing need attention and

strategic disposal

o Must be examined further to understand characteristics and what

determines strategy choices

• Sharing and Digital Identityo Dyadic relationship symbolism

o Problems of ownership (who changes/removes), authorship (who

generates), content (who it is about)

Conclusion• Value of forgetting and complex disposal processes

• Design implications to better manage process

needed

• Goal is to turn Pandora’s Box into treasure chest of

memories, respond adaptively to relationship

breakup

Review• Interesting idea to pursue forgetting memories and

disposing digital possessions rather than

remembering and retaining them

• Is it effective? Will it really help breakup?

• How to address all three types of breakup?

(Deleters, Keepers, Selective Disposers)