Creating a Productive User Environment with Desktop Authority
Creating and Managing Productive Relationships in ... Seminar Creating and Managing Productive...
Transcript of Creating and Managing Productive Relationships in ... Seminar Creating and Managing Productive...
TBASeminarCreatingandManagingProductiveRelationshipsinMediations-
PracticalandEthicalConsiderationsByStephenL.Shields
Jackson,Shields,Yeiser&HoltRule31GeneralCivilMediator
November2,2016
Trust
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the mostessential ingredient in effectivecommunication. It’s the foundationprinciple that hold all relationships.”
-Stephen Covey
• Mediationcreatesanexpectationoftrustworthiness.
• Howdoesonegoaboutbuildingtrustneededtoform
workingrelationships?
• Andthequestionofbuildingtrustbecomesanethical
question
RelationshipIsBuiltOnTrust
EthicalInterventions• Promoterationalthinking
• Promoteunderstandingoftheirmatter
• BalancedInterventions
• EmotionalBrain• RedZone
• RationalBrain• BlueZone
• MovefromtheRedZonetotheBlueZone
• Reducethenegativeemotionalcharge!
• GainClarity
Brain
• Whoisintheroom?• Prose– ProSe• Attorney/Client– ProSe
• Attorney/Client– Attorney/Client• Others
• Whatstageofdispute?• Pre-lawsuit(earlydisputeresolution)• Lawsuit/Early(priortodiscovery,priortoMotionforSummary
Judgment)• Lawsuit/Late
• Relationship(s)– whowillbeintheroom
ContextAffectsMediator’sActions
SomeObservationsAboutHumanNature
• Weareemotional
• Wewanttobeheard
• Wewantitourway
• Weresistbeingcoercedorpushed
• Wewanttobejudgedbyourintentions
• Wedon’ttrust“them”
• Wewantanally
Thinkofaconflictyouareinvolvedinorawareof.
Didyouseekoutathirdperson?
TRIANGLE
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF THISPERSON?
YouNeedToBuildATrust/RapportAccount(becauseyouwillneedtomakewithdrawals)
• ProbingQuestions• Abouttheircase• Costofpursuing• Andpossibilityoflosing
• Beingaskedtotakeless(orpaymore)thantheirinitialgoal
KeystoGoodOutcomes• ProceduralInterests
• Tohavesufficienttimetotelltheirstory• Tobeheard/understood
• Tobetreatedwithrespect
• Tobetreatedfairly
• SubstantiveInterests (whatyou“getattheendofnegotiations)
• Objective
• Intrinsic
Prior• SendInformation
• ReviewPre- MediationStatements
• ContactAttorneys
• DiscussProcessandOtherImportantInformation
• OutlineCase/ReviewtheLanguageoftheCase
• ManageExpectations/NoSurprises
Opening/ManageExpectationsandCreateaHopefulEnvironment
• YourRole
• RoleofAttorneys
• Today’sObjective
• WhatmakesitSuccessful• Optimistic• Communication• Confidentiality• PerspectiveTaking
• WhatcanbeFrustrating• Time/Perceptionitwon’tSettle• Patience• AppearanceofPartiality(Realism)
Voices• Mediator’svoice
• Otherattorney’svoice
• Adjuster’svoice
• Client’svoice
• Judge’svoice
• Juror’svoice
• Other
• [1]Attending:• Non-verbal• Listen• Labeltheemotion• Pickupafewwords• Mirror
• [2]Reflecting• Restating• Summarizing• Reframing
CommunicationSkills:KeySkillsfortheMediator
• [3]Following:
• Activelistening
• Askingquestions
Non-Verbal• Attire
• Personalspace
• Eyecontact
• Facialexpression
• Gestures
• Calmpresence
• Food
• Physicalsetting
• Mirroring
ListeningIncludesManyElements:60-80%NONVERBAL©Zweibel,E,Goldstein,R,Manwaring,J.ConflictResolution:CommunicationUnit.https://maestro.uottawa.ca
• Goodlisteningishelpfulinandofitself– ifyoudonothingelseinmediation...
• Buildstrustandrapport
• Deescalates/calms
• Calmhelpscreateclarity
• Listeningisaprecursortoproblem-solving
• Feelslikea“gift”– everyonewantstobeheard
ListeningIsImportantAndPowerful
• Labelingtheemotionalcontentofastatement,expression,gesture,orothercommunication
• Thatis,“namingit”:
AffectLabeling
Anger ResentmentSadness HurtFrustration GriefDisrespect AnxietyBetrayal SurpriseHumiliation PrideLoneliness Satisfaction
• fMRIstudiessuggestthataffectlabeling:• May diminish the response of the amygdala, other limbicregions sensitive to negative emotions
• May produce increased activity in the right ventrolateralprefrontal cortex (a more rational part of the brain ...)
• Lieberman et al., Pyschol Sci. 2007 May; 18(5):421-8
• Result: The person feels “truly heard”, can calm down
• Result: The calming occurs because the use of languageneurologically helps the person transition from theemotional part of the brain to the rational
AffectLabeling
• Reflecttheirbodylanguage
• Reflecttheirtoneofvoice
• Reflecttheirwords
OtherKeyTechniquesForBuildingRapport(Mirror)
“Empathy is best described as a genuine understanding and appreciation of another’s feelings. Thepeople around you need to see that they are important to you. Mary Kay cosmetics founder MaryKay Ash said that everyone has an invisible sign around their necks that reads, “Make Me FeelImportant.” When people feel important, they will be empowered to do their best for you. Leaderswho lack an empathetic face usually find it difficult to get others to cooperate with them or theiragendas.
People will trust you once they know you have a genuine concern for them. Empathy connects withanother person because you find common ground, whether in pain, joy, sorrow, or celebration. Toshare in another person’s moment in an empathetic was creates a bod that goes deeper than youmay ever realize. Think about those times of extreme personal loss. Be it a job, a parent, a spouse,or a child- you felt pain and loneliness in your search for answers. Your greatest aid likely came fromthe people you knew well but had never known they had also suffered the same loss until theyshared with you while wearing an empathetic face. People want to know you care. Every daysomeone is looking for another person to simply listen and feel what they are feeling. When youlisten, people realize they are important to you. Without saying a word, your face can express deepconcern for them.”
From:ToyBoxLeadershipBy:RonHunter,Jr.andMichaelWaddell
AlwaysPackanEmpatheticFace:
Summarizing2
Purpose
• Ensureyouhavecorrectlyunderstood
• Permitparty/partiestoreflect,correctwhattheyhavesaid
• Buildrapport
Technique
• Conciselyparaphrasetheparty'sessentialcontentinyourownwords.
• Listenfortheemotionalcontentandintensityandaccuratelyexpressitbacktothespeaker.
• Pulltogetherandorganizedisparatefacts,ideasandthemes,usingneutrallanguage.
1
• Open-endedquestions
• Close-endedquestions
• Clarifyingquestions
• Option-generatingquestions
• Realitytestingquestions
ActiveListening/AskingQuestions
• Listenwithfullattention
• Acknowledgetheirfeelings
• Givetheirfeelingsaname
• Askquestions
• Mirror
SumUp