ConflictResolution:

10 Practical Clinical solutions

Prep Work: De-Escalate, Diffuse & Decompress

• Creating a safe place

• Assess for risk

• Balance of empathy & boundaries

• No “snowballing”

1)Become Rooted in the Presentthe Present

• Pause & get grounded

• Take thinking out of past & future

• Mindfulness practices

• Deep breathing, yoga

• Meditation (Kabat-Zinn, Deepak Chopra)

• Progressive muscle relaxation

• Eckhart Tolle, “The Power of Now”

2)Avoid a Knee-Jerk Reaction

• Avoid a fight or flight response

• Avoid engaging in a tug-of-war

• Don’t lock horns

• Detach from ego

• Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”

3)Zoom Out & Gain Perspective

• A blip in time

• See the big picture

• Detachment

• Unhook from the minutia

4)Avoid Behaviors that Add Fuel to the Fire

• Dr. John Gottman (www.gottman.com)

• Criticism

• Contempt

• Stonewalling

• Defensiveness

5) “Observe, Don’t Absorb”

• Concept by Ross Rosenberg, author of The Human Magnet Syndrome

• YouTube video: shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io15t9V5bXc

• Consider a “Reboot”

6)Focus on What you Can Control & Let Go of the Rest

• Can’t change other people

• Can’t control the outcome

• Can change your thoughts, behaviors, reactions

• “How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours,” Wayne Dyer.

7)Use Assertive Communication

• Neither passive, aggressive, nor passive-aggressive

• “I” statements

• Clear boundaries (cloudtownsend.com)

• No triangulation

8)Speak with Integrity• Speak from place of sadness rather than

anger

• Before speaking, ask yourself, “Is it kind, is it necessary, is it true?”

• Be the person you want to be regardless of how the other is behaving

9)Process the Grief• Clearing the grief clarifies the conflict

and expedites resolution--conflict is a way to stay connected to the relationship

• Grieving what could have been

• Work toward acceptance

10) Make Amends & Forgive& Forgive

• Take responsibility for yourself & make timely and sincere amends

• Practice forgiveness of self & others

• Resentment keeps us tethered to the past

• Anger affects mental & physical health

• “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies,” Nelson Mandela.

Joyce Marter, LCPCJoyce Marter, LCPC

www.joyce-marter.com

www.urbanbalance.com

joyce@urbanbalance.com@Joyce_Marter

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