Chapter 10 – Parents & Childbearing

“There is no stage that brings about more profound change or challenge to the nuclear and extended family than the addition of a new child to the family system” (Holloway, 2003, p.304)

* Normative event – an event that occurs naturally in the course of a person’s life.

* This stage the couple must alter their relationship as a couple to make room for children

Key Questions Emerge for Parents How will the child be cared

for? What roles will they play as

primary caregiver? Who else will be included in

the child care? How will they divide the new

roles and responsibilities (discipline, household task, etc.)?

Developmental Tasks

Accept new member Move up a generation Change in self-image Renegotiate

work/personal/family routine Negotiate roles as primary

caregivers Renegotiate household tasks

Changes that Come to Couples Decreased in marital

satisfaction – raising a child is very time consuming and lack of time together is the largest issue

Usually a temporary drop Financial situation changes –

new costs, short term (diapers) & long term (tuition)

According to researchers Demo & Cox (2000), the better your marriage is before kids, the more likely you’ll be good after kids

Parent-Child Relationships

Attachment relationship between mother & child: Attachment is defined as the behaviours that represent

the need of the infant to attain and maintain proximity & protection with an available & responsive caregiver.

Freud Mother-child relationship is the foundation for personality

growth, since the mother was the infant’s first love relationship & the model for all future ones.

If the relationship with the mother was positive, the likelihood of successful relationship in their future was strong.

Parent-Child Relationships

Infant attachment to the primary caregiver, usually the mother, is seen to be essential for normal child development

Erik Erikson Socialization is a process that lasts a lifetime Eight stages of development – each involving a crisis

brought on by the changing social situation Infancy – trust versus mistrust Trust is developed when the infant's needs are met –

depending on how well the quality of care the infant receives

Parent-Child Relationships

Research using strangers for infants between ages 6 to 24 months to test attachment to their parents

Stranger enters – securely attached infants heads for their parents

Stranger enters – insecurely attached infants will avoid or resist the parents

Studies have found that fathers of secure infants were more extroverted and agreeable, had higher levels of self-esteem and marriages that were more positive

These fathers had positive work and family boundaries Fathers that bond during pregnancy, tend to be more caring,

nurturing, child-oriented and affectionate

Problems for “new” fathers

Lack of role models Lack of societal support

- babysitting not parenting

- incompetent dad jokes

- less understanding workplace

- lack of change tables in washrooms

Men have become more overloaded with life-work conflict than ever before

Parent-Child Relationships

Children who do not have a secure attachment may remain: Socially and emotionally underdevelopment into adulthood May have difficulty with trust, empathy, self-esteem & successful

relationships for the rest of their lives

Insensitivity to children’s needs may cause some areas of the brain to overdevelop, which leads to:

Intense rage Anxiety Impulsiveness Predisposition to violence

Parental Roles

Previous generations relied on firm disciplinary practices and unquestioning obedience from their children due to the difficult times in which they lived

Today, parents use a more democratic strategy in parenting.

A combination of: rational control strong communication between parent & child high levels of affection are the norm

Parenting Styles

North Americans value individualism, competition & independence

This has led to parents raising their children to become more independent and self-reliant, rather than focusing on family ties and commitments to the larger family.

In contrast, in other cultures families encourage co-operation, sharing, reciprocity, obligation, and interdependence of the larger family and kinship network

Families develop a shared view of the world: How the family inside & outside of family boundaries is organized How members relate to one another How the family treats the environment surrounding them

Parenting Styles

Shared views change over time by new outside factors, such as: education, social or work experiences, family crisis

A commonly held view is that families have a direct impact on parenting and parent-child relationships (ex. parents who value career and work success highly place a different value on family time and time with their individual children than those who place less value on work success)

Three Types of Parenting

Authoritative Parenting – focus on warmth, support, acceptance, and indirect positive control of the children

Authoritarian Parenting – more parental control and use of reward & punishment

Permissive Parenting – few rules & the children control family situations

A Closer Look at these 3 Types of Parenting Styles Children raised by authoritative parents are better adjusted

psychologically and have a better self-concept. Children raised by authoritarian parents use more physical

punishment, which has been shown to negatively affect the child’s adjustment, especially if severe & frequent. These children feel rejected by their parents & have more problems with psychological adjustment.

Children raised by permissive parents tend to be more irresponsible, impulsive and immature. They might also be flighty, anxious & emotionally impoverished.

Optimum parenting is a balance between over-control and permissiveness

A Closer Look at these 3 Types of Parenting Styles Factors that inhibit parents from showing the

consistent warmth, support and effective discipline are economic hardship, marital conflict, conflict between spouses regarding parenting styles.

The three greatest challenges for parents is to balance between these three issues: discipline, punishment, and guidance

Barbara Coloroso’s Parenting Styles

Textbook – pg 322 Brick Wall Jellyfish Backbone

Parenthood Within the Larger Society Parenting / socialization within the larger society extends to: Neighbourhoods, extended family, ethnic background, work

situations, social networks, socio-economics, siblings, aunts & uncles, peers, teachers, athletes, celebrities and so on.

Reference Group – groups of people with whom one identifies. Children might become part of a team or club or want to be part

of a team (ex. Favourite NHL Team) Children who are new immigrants might take on the values of a

new country sooner than the adults do (can create conflict with parents)

A Changing Family Structure

It is clear that the percentages of children living in lone-parent families are increasing, while the age at which they do so is decreasing.

Gender plays an important role in parental involvement. Fathers, regardless of where they live, tend to be less involved

with their children than mothers are. Divorced fathers tend to see their children infrequently and their

lack of contact increases over time. Children born to a common-law unions are three times more

likely to have to deal with the break-up of their parents. Systems theory suggest that the removal of the father from the

home affects the dynamics of the entire household. Constructive conflicts vs. destructive conflicts

Parents, Work & Child Development Most families are now dual income Canada has a national funded maternity & parental leave

system that allows parents access to employment insurance to support staying home to care for infants.

Stats Can shows that today’s parents spend less time with their children than any family surveyed in the past 60 years.

Another recent survey suggests that what children want the most from their parents is time

Sources

Holloway, Maureen, Holloway,G., Witte, J. (2003) Individuals and Families in a Diverse Society. McGraw-Hill Ryerson., Toronto.