D I R E C T O R ’ S N O T E 2

C o v e r S t o r y C o n t i n u e d 2

C a m p - i n - a - b o x 3

A l a b a m a ’ s W a i t i n g K i d s 4

A B l e s s i n g i n d i s g u i s e 5

S h e l t e r i n g a t h o m e 6

u p c o m i n g t r a i n i n g s 7

A d o p t i v e F a m i l y G r o u p s 7

As I’m writing this article, most of us have been experiencing a level of uncertainty in life that is totally new and foreign to us. The lack of structure, not knowing what to expect, not knowing how to plan, and making tough decisions every day is taking a toll on all of us. Many of our APAC families have been thrust into unexpected circumstances as they move through their adoption journey. For some, TIPS class format was changed. Others had their home studies put on hold. Some who were matched with children were faced with months of not knowing when their child would

be officially joining their home. Court dates

have been delayed. Those who were waiting for

adoption finalization dates found themselves

celebrating their adoption day via a Zoom call

rather than in a party with their family and friends.

The staff at APAC have shifted to providing more

virtual support than ever before. Navigating the

adoption journey during these strange times has

been a test of perseverance and stamina for all of

us.

C O N T I N U E D O N P A G E 2 —

T i p s f o r u n c e r t a i n t y 3

childrensaid.org/apac

APAC A l a b a m a ’ s r e s o u r c e f o r A D O P T I O N e d u c a t i o n A N D s u p p o r t i v e s e r v i c e s

F A L L 2 0 2 0 I S S U E 6 2

A collaborative effort between Children’s Aid Society of Alabama and the Alabama Department of

Human Resources.

Living in tension Living in tension

I N S I D E T H I S I S S U E

Alabama Pre/PostAdoption

Connections

For most of our foster and adopted children, living with uncertainty is nothing new. They have already experienced what it’s like to live with someone or something else controlling what will happen. They are perpetually planning for the unknown, often with very little information available. I’ve learned that this is a normal way of life for seasoned foster families as well, as they are always living within the tension of enjoying the moments they have with the children in their home today, while simultaneously preparing for many possible outcomes. My hope is that this experience will build resilience in all of us as we move forward in the momentous task of providing permanency to children.

As staff at APAC, we have missed being able to connect with you in the familiar ways. We are missing our monthly support groups and the fellowship we have with you there, and we have missed connecting with your children at Camp APAC. However, the resilience we have observed in our adoptive families and in the children has truly been encouraging. Thank you for being willing to press forward in the task of serving children in need, even during times that are very trying for everyone. This newsletter includes stories from adoptive families about their experiences with the uncertainty of the times, as well as updates from staff on how APAC is continuing to provide services as we move forward in the “new normal.”

- Emily Patterson, LICSW, PIPAPAC Family Advocate - Mobile

-CONTINUED FROM COVER STORY:

P A G E 2

A NOTE FROM THE DIRECTOR CONTACT US:apac@childrensaid.org

866-803-2722

Welcome to our Fall edition of the APAC newsletter. The changing of the seasons ushers in a myriad of thoughts and images to cooler temperatures and nature’s explosion of fall colors; however, this year undoubtedly, feels different for us all. When the Pandemic began months ago, none of us imagined it would persist as it has. We offer you encouraging words from some of our families on how they are navigating these times together. And, our staff have reflected on how APAC has pivoted to continue providing services during these uncertain times.

All of us with Children’s Aid Society of Alabama hope you and your family are leaning in to these times filled with hope and resilience. Perhaps we have all gleaned new perspectives and new found strength in one another. Please know we are here to help and look forward to the time we can all gather again at familiar places together.

Please join me in thanking Denise Cone, our CAS Vice President of Human Resources, as she has contributed countless hours proof reading the APAC newsletters before they go to print. Denise is retiring after 20 years of service with CAS; we all thank you for your eagle eye and expert penmanship. Best wishes!

We want to thank our partners, the Alabama Department of Human Resources Office of Adoption, Heart Gallery and AFAPA. We express our gratitude for the sixty-seven county DHR offices we have the honor of working with as we all serve the precious children of our state.

Be a part of finding forever families for Alabama’s waiting children. You might know someone who is thinking about adoption or you would like some brochures to share. Contact us at apac@childrensaid.org, or call 866-803-2722.

- Suzie Diamond, LICSW, PIPAPAC Program Director

P A G E 3

Tips for living in uncertanity 1. Plan for the time frame that is manageable for you right now. You may only be able to plan for the day,

the next few days, or for the week. Continually reassess, and work through feelings of discomfort with not having a current long-term plan.

2. Focus on the things you CAN control. Make the most of the extra time at home by making a bucket list of fun activities or home improvement projects and working through them one by one.

3. Keep tabs on how much time you spend on social media. Rely on reputable, fact-based news sources for making decisions rather than public opinion.

4. Practice Gratitude. Set an intention to write down three things that you are grateful for within this uncertain time. Research shows that thinking about things you are grateful for releases chemicals in your brain that provide a mood boost and help you stay focused on the positives instead of the negatives.

5. Find opportunities to spread kindness. Depression and anxiety are fueled by maintaining an inner-focus on ourselves. When we seek out opportunities to care for and connect with others, shifting the focus off of our-selves and onto someone else, it can have a powerful impact. On the other hand, if you are overly focused on caring for others, extend the same kindness to yourself and give yourself a break!

- Emily Patterson, LICSW, PIP APAC Family Advocate - Mobile

camp-in-a-boxA summer without Camp APAC seemed unimaginable. With the arrival of the COVID-19 pandemic and the cancellation of all summer camp programming by our host Camp ASCCA, our only option (and the most responsible one) was to cancel our annual Camp APAC. This was new for us, as we’d never had to discuss cancellation as a possibility in the history of Camp APAC.

Once we knew this was our reality, our amazing APAC team put our heads together and immediately began thinking of ways to do something to spread some Camp APAC spirit during the summer. We came up with our Camp-In-A-Box. During the week that would have been Camp APAC 2020, 62 boxes hit our local post offices to 107 “campers” who had completed their paperwork packets that served as their RSVP to camp. These boxes included a craft, a family activity, and a “Family Rewind” Question Guide for each day that Camp APAC would have been in session. Because snac-ks always accompany our Cabin Rewinds at the end of our camp days, we included some of those for families to enjoy together also.

We were most certain this box could not replace the Camp APAC experience, but it was our hope that it sparked some amazing family time together during our “Safer at Home” order in our state.

- Carla Whitt, LICSWNorthern Region/Camp Team Leader

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Alabama’s Waiting ChildrenHannah, born June 2003, likes to play basketball, football, draw and write. Hannah would like to go to Paris and travel. Science is her favorite subject. Hannah is a very determined young lady and she will work hard to get what she wants. She is creative and aspires for great things in her future.

David, born December 2002, is a very caring child and thinks about others more than himself. He loves to go shopping, play games on his phone, and go to the movies. David loves Chinese food and Waffle House. He enjoys spending time at the library and likes learning about

history. David is talented and likes to draw.

Symara, born March 2010, is a fun-loving child with a bubbly personality. She has a big heart! She has a strong will to help others without being asked or when it is needed. She loves to have fun and has a laugh that is contagious. She enjoys going to the park and parties. She would love to go to an amusement park to ride every ride and eat park food.

Jayden, born August 2008, is an outgoing child who is kind and very inquisitive. He is not afraid to ask a question to anyone. Jayden likes to help with chores that keep him moving. Jayden enjoys sports such as basketball, swimming, and he loves to play kickball. Jayden enjoys school and does well. David, born May 2007, enjoys reading

books and playing games. If he could plan a day all about him he would choose to ride his bike in the morning, watch TV and go to the library.

Wyatt, born November 2008, enjoys playing sports. His favorites include football and basketball. If he could plan a day about himself it would include going to a basketball game or football game, going out to eat, and playing outdoors.

Rhianna, born August 2007, is a very loving and cheerful child. She loves to play with baby dolls and Barbies. Rhianna loves fashion and makeup. She loves listening to music, doing arts and crafts, shopping, and going out to eat. Rhianna is really good at coloring, writing, playing

Visit heartgalleryalabama.com to meet more kids waiting to be adopted or to inquire about any of the children shown here.

P A G E 5

Quarantine- A Blessing in Disguise The coronavirus has impacted the way we live in so many ways and challenged us to be healthier, safer, more creative and more intentional. Many of the parents, youth, and children that I have talked with over the past few months have struggled with school, not being able to see friends, and not being able to live their daily lives in the ways that they always have. With the boredom and isolation has come creativity and family connections that are reminiscent of the past, a return to a time when families spent more time together and there was less commitments to outside activities. The families that I spoke with have had a more flexible relaxed structure in their home where there has been quality and quantity of time together. Families with new placements have had an opportunity to connect and bond that would not have occurred in the same way without the “Stay at Home” orders. Below, two families share the positives that have come out of this pandemic for their families.

“During COVID-19 lockdown, it has been an adjustment for our entire family as we know it has been for most families worldwide.. One of the biggest adjustments we had to make was due to the fact that we had just adopted Shamiya, our 15-year-old, and still had two other children we were also fostering. We did not have a lot of time to spend with her alone and bond in the way we needed to as a family. There were lots of conversations and lots of counseling. But within two months of the lockdown, the other two children were moved and we were able to get to the place we needed to be. Shamiyah said, ‘It was good to be able to have my mom to myself. We were able to spend the one on one time together so that we could bond as mother and daughter. We also found out we like the same games, movies and lots of the same music. We even made goodies collected good and delivered it to those shut in. It’s been good.’

We have really used the lock down time to our best advantage in our ability to bond as mother and daughter. She has so much joy when she and I are cooking. She likes to prepare meals all by herself, something she said she was never able to do before. The whole family gets involved preparing meals, even 3-year-old Zealand, setting the table and eating together. It has been such a blessing to have Shamiyah become part of our family.” - Vanessa Mason

“Quarantine has done amazing things for our family. This scary time has actually gi-“Quarantine has done amazing things for our family. This scary time has actually gi-ven us many gifts. All six of us were home together for almost two months without our ven us many gifts. All six of us were home together for almost two months without our normal everyday distractions. I never realized how fast paced our life was with work, normal everyday distractions. I never realized how fast paced our life was with work, school, football, soccer, wrestling, t-ball, etc. Our lives outside of the home literally sto-school, football, soccer, wrestling, t-ball, etc. Our lives outside of the home literally sto-pped… and it turned out to be so amazing. We have gotten to know each other on pped… and it turned out to be so amazing. We have gotten to know each other on a level that would have never been possible. We have spent countless hours chilling, a level that would have never been possible. We have spent countless hours chilling, cuddling, laughing, playing, and just enjoying the moment and each other’s presen-cuddling, laughing, playing, and just enjoying the moment and each other’s presen-ce. The time I have had to enjoy meaningful conversations with my husband has been ce. The time I have had to enjoy meaningful conversations with my husband has been priceless. priceless.

Everything that has been going on around the world has been absolutely terrifying. Everything that has been going on around the world has been absolutely terrifying. The deep relationships that we have been able to build have definitely helped us get The deep relationships that we have been able to build have definitely helped us get through. I will never forget the little bit of good that came out of this pandemic. From through. I will never forget the little bit of good that came out of this pandemic. From now on we will be more intentional of the way we choose to spend our time. I hope now on we will be more intentional of the way we choose to spend our time. I hope we continue this slower paced lifestyle. I love it!” we continue this slower paced lifestyle. I love it!” - Rachelle Agee

COVID-19 has created such stress. There has been so much fear, anxiety, and loss. It is amazing how people have come together to support one another. As we move forward, our ability to learn, create, show grace, and care about each other is what we can do best.

- Debra B. Fredenburg, LICSWAPAC Family Counselor - Mobile

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Lessons Learned from Sheltering at home “Live and Learn:” In my opinion, whoever came up with this saying was trying to put a positive spin on a tough situation. It also appears that they were making the assumption that if we are living then we should be learning, but that is not always the case. Most of the time when we are learning and growing it is during hard times. During those hard times, we do not always appreciate what we are going through. We might appreciate the growth after the fact, but it rarely happens during the process of being challenged. Learning is optional.

Self-reflection and insight can also be productive, but they are not guaranteed to be the path we choose in every situation. The subject of mindfulness has received much attention recently and is the result of a choice we make, rather than our standard operating procedure. If there are lessons to what we have been going through for the past several months, it is up to us to ask ourselves what they are and to give/receive feed-back from those around us. Mindfulness is optional.

90% Attitude and 10% Altitude. When things were “normal,” we went about our everyday business using our regular coping skills without thinking about them. What happens when our regular coping skills are not up to the challenge of unforeseen circumstances? Sometimes we feel that nothing is working and so we stopped trying anything. The same coping skills that helped us make it day to day in the past are the ones that are helping us today, but the results feel different. If we have been faking it or living in denial in the past, then today’s events are a huge wake-up call that cannot be denied. Embrace that and be thankful that we have the chance to see things more clearly. If your past methods were good but need a boost to be even better, then ask yourself: “What kind of attitude do I have in approaching uncertainty?” Embrace that and be thankful that we have the chance to see things more clearly. Attitudes are optional.

Every Coin has Two Sides. It doesn’t matter if your life is coming up heads or tails right now. What matters is that you can toss the coin again [and again, and again…] or even put it on the side that you want to be up if you so choose. Some people are already geared this way and others are going to have to work at it a little bit harder. Life is about making choices when and where we can, processing the effects of situations beyond our control, and knowing when to do which one of those. Results are optional.

A Few Takeaways:• This article isn’t to tell you what to think. It is to ask you what you are thinking and feeling, and to assess if

you are being honest with yourself. • If you did not come from a history of trauma, then you are experiencing some of this for the first time. • If you, or your child, came from a history of trauma, then you are experiencing twice as much as others. • Remember that as hard as this is on you, it could be even harder on someone else. • Many feelings of loss and grief that you have not thought about in a long time, or even before, are being

triggered. • You can see the results of this on your internal self by the actions, words, attitudes that you are showing

externally. • Other people can see this when they look at us. Can we see this about

ourselves?

The question is… Are we living and learning? Individual results may vary.

-Buddy Renahan, LICSWAPAC Family Counselor - Montgomery

APAC RESOURCE LIBRARY childrensaid.org/apaclibrary

APAC Facebook Groupfb.me/apacadoptionsupport

PAGE 7

APAC offers support groups that meet in person at various locations throughout the state, providing education and social interaction for adoptive parents and

their children.

*All AFG’s are being held viturally until further notice due to the COVID 19 pandemic. We will continue to monitor the situation and updates for your local AFG will be sent via email.

Baldwin County2nd Thursday6-7:30pm @ 3 Circle Church, Daphne

Madison County2nd Tuesday6-7:30pm @ First United Methodist Church,Huntsville Lee County3rd Thursday 6-7:30pm @ Cornerstone Church, Auburn

Mobile County4th Friday6-7:30pm @ Christ Fellowship Baptist, Mobile

Morgan County 2nd Thursday6-7:30pm @ Central Park Baptist Church, Decatur

River Region (Autauga, Elmore, Montgomery)3rd Tuesday 6:00-7:30 @ Vaughn Forest Church, Montgomery

While Adoptive Family Groups meet vir tually, child groups and childcare will not be provided.

Adoptive Family Groups upcoming Trainings

October 15th: 11:30 am - 1:00 pmEmbracing Uncertainty and Change: Helping Kids Handle Unknowns with Less Struggle and More Resilience with Erika Bugbee

November: Dates and locations TBA9:00 am - 4:30 pm TTN -Building Bridges: Celebrating Transcultural and Transracial Adoption with Ed Morales

December 9th: 12:00 pm - 1:00 pm Autism 101 with Courtney Dees King

For more information visit our website: childrensaid.org/training

Connect With APACCentral Office & Northern Region Birmingham Area2141 14th Avenue SouthBirmingham, AL 35205P: 205.251.7148F: 205.933.3004

Southern RegionMontgomery & Wiregrass Area500 Interstate ParkSuite 508Montgomery, AL 36109P: 334.409.9477

Huntsville Area103 Mountain Brook BlvdMadison, AL 35758P: 256.539.5828

Mobile Area572 Azalea Road, Suite 101Mobile, AL 36609P: 251.460.2727Call: 866.803.2722

Email: apac@childrensaid.orgchildrensaid.org/apac

fb.com/childrensaid @childrensaidorg @childrensaid

2141 14th Avenue South

Birmingham, AL 35205

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PAIDPERMIT NO. 1873BIRMINGHAM, AL