Post on 09-Apr-2018
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ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
nsanlara adil davrann, ancak onlarnnsanlara adil davrann, ancak onlarn
da size adil davranmalarn salayn.da size adil davranmalarn salayn.Alan AldaAlan Alda
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11--HISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESSHISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESS
SocratesSocrates
SmithSmith--19751975
TodayToday
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22--WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
Assertiveness is about selfAssertiveness is about selfconfidence which means havingconfidence which means havinga positive attitude towardsa positive attitude towards
yourself and others.yourself and others.
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Ten Points about AssertiveTen Points about Assertive
BehavioursBehaviours
11--It depends on expressing yourselfIt depends on expressing yourself22--Showing respects to others rightsShowing respects to others rights33--Being honestBeing honest44--Indirect and certainIndirect and certain
55--Mutual equilibrim and benefit is important inMutual equilibrim and benefit is important ina relationshipa relationship
66--It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,thoughts and boundaries by wordsthoughts and boundaries by words
77--Using nonUsing non--verbal comminication for sendingverbal comminication for sending
the messagethe message88--It is not universal, it depends on the positionIt is not universal, it depends on the position
and the individualand the individual99--It is getting social responsibilityIt is getting social responsibility1010--It is not the nature of the hunamkind, it canIt is not the nature of the hunamkind, it can
be learnedbe learned
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Being AssertiveBeing Assertive
11--Being assertive is focusing on yourBeing assertive is focusing on yourgoalgoal
22--Being assertive is being selfBeing assertive is being self--awareaware
33--Being assertive is being true toBeing assertive is being true toyourselfyourself
44--Being assertive is building selfBeing assertive is building self
esteemesteem55--Being assertive is nurturing yourself.Being assertive is nurturing yourself.
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33--TYPES OFTYPES OF
ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
NonNon--assertive behaviourassertive behaviour
Iam not ok,you are okIam not ok,you are ok
Assertive behaviourAssertive behaviourIam ok,you are okIam ok,you are ok
Aggresive behaviourAggresive behaviour
Iam ok,you are not ok
Iam ok,you are not ok
Manipulative behaviourManipulative behaviour
Iam not ok,you are not okIam not ok,you are not ok
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Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
passive behaviourpassive behaviour
Lack of self confidence and low selfLack of self confidence and low selfesteemesteem
Lack of self respectLack of self respect Self putdownsSelf putdowns Negative feelings and thoughts aboutNegative feelings and thoughts about
yourselfyourself Feeliings of inferiority compared to othersFeeliings of inferiority compared to others Like others to be in control of people andLike others to be in control of people and
situationssituations Feel guilty towards othersFeel guilty towards others demotivateddemotivated
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Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
manipulative behaviourmanipulative behaviour
Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of self respect and lack of respect forLack of self respect and lack of respect for
othersothers
Mistrustful and suspicious of others motivesMistrustful and suspicious of others motives Negative feelings and thoughts about selfNegative feelings and thoughts about self
and othersand others Feel very wary towards othersFeel very wary towards others Dishonest and indirectDishonest and indirect Twist what others have saidTwist what others have said Undermine others self esteemUndermine others self esteem Depressed and demotivatedDepressed and demotivated
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Negative attitude andNegative attitude and
aggressive behaviouraggressive behaviour
Lack of self confidence and low self esteemLack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of respect towards othersLack of respect towards others Put others downPut others down Feelings of superiorityFeelings of superiority Like to be in control of people and situationsLike to be in control of people and situations Disinterested in others thoughts and feelingsDisinterested in others thoughts and feelings Feel angry towards others and are quick to blameFeel angry towards others and are quick to blame
themthem Dont listen to or ask questionsDont listen to or ask questions Dismissive of feedbackDismissive of feedback
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Positive attitude andPositive attitude and
assertive behaviourassertive behaviour
Self confidence and high self esteemSelf confidence and high self esteem Respect for self and towards othersRespect for self and towards others
Take responsibility for selfTake responsibility for self Motivated to do a good jobMotivated to do a good job nterested in others feelings andnterested in others feelings and
thoughtsthoughts
Ask questionsAsk questions Honest and directHonest and direct Listen to othersListen to others Ask others for feedbackAsk others for feedback
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44--SKILLS OFSKILLS OF
ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
a) Broken recorda) Broken record
b) Foggingb) Fogging
c) Negative assertionc) Negative assertion
d) Negative inquiryd) Negative inquiry
e) Free informatione) Free informationf) Self disclosuref) Self disclosure
g)Workable compromiseg)Workable compromise
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55--ASSERTIVENESS BYASSERTIVENESS BY
VERBAL AND NONVERBALVERBAL AND NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATIONIt aint what you say, it is the way that you say itIt aint what you say, it is the way that you say it
Tonation
Tonation
IIwill phone youwill phone you It will be me not any other personIt will be me not any other person
IIwillwillphone youphone you I will not forget!I will not forget!
I willI willphonephone youyou I will not write or visit.I will not write or visit.
I will phoneI will phone youyou It will be you,not any other person.It will be you,not any other person.
Faces and the looksFaces and the looks
Eye signalEye signal
Body imageBody image
Personal spacePersonal space
T
he gestureT
he gesture
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66--ASSERTIVENESS INASSERTIVENESS IN
CULTURESCULTURES
ASIANASIAN
LowLowdegree of individualism ,degree of individualism ,nonassertive.nonassertive.
EUROPEAN,AMERICANEUROPEAN,AMERICAN
HighHigh degree of individualism ,degree of individualism ,assertive.assertive.
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77--HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTSHUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
The right to expressThe right to expresssexualitysexuality
The right to haveThe right to haveneeds and desiresneeds and desires
The right to haveThe right to have
informationinformation The right to haveThe right to have
goods or servicesgoods or serviceswhich have beenwhich have beenpaidpaid
The right to beThe right to be
independent and toindependent and tobe left alonebe left alone
The right to say noThe right to say no The right to beThe right to be
treated with respecttreated with respect
The right to do anything whichThe right to do anything whichdoes not violate the rights ofdoes not violate the rights ofothersothers
The right to be assertive orThe right to be assertive ornonnon--assertiveassertive
The right to make choicesThe right to make choices The right to changeThe right to change The right to control overThe right to control over
body,time and possesionsbody,time and possesions The right to express opinionsThe right to express opinions
and beliefsand beliefs The right to think well ofThe right to think well of
oneselfoneself The right to make requestsThe right to make requests
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88--SAYING YES OR NOSAYING YES OR NO
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Why is it difficult to say no?Why is it difficult to say no?
If I say no,they may feel hurt or injectedIf I say no,they may feel hurt or injected
If I say no this time, they may not like meIf I say no this time, they may not like meanymoreanymore
If I say no this time,they may never ask againIf I say no this time,they may never ask again
They wont take any notice if I say noThey wont take any notice if I say no
They would say yes to me (and so I will feelThey would say yes to me (and so I will feelguilty if I refuse them)guilty if I refuse them)
I cant say no, because I feel sorry for themI cant say no, because I feel sorry for them
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How to say no assertively?How to say no assertively?
Start your reply with aStart your reply with aclear,firm,audible noclear,firm,audible no
Do not justify or makeDo not justify or makeexcuses.Giving a reason is differentexcuses.Giving a reason is differentfrom overfrom over--appologizingappologizing
Feel that you have a right to say noFeel that you have a right to say no
Once you have said no , do not stayOnce you have said no , do not stayaround waiting to be persuaded toaround waiting to be persuaded tochange your mind.Make a definitechange your mind.Make a definite
closure by changing theclosure by changing thesubject,walking away, continiuingsubject,walking away, continiuingwith what you are doingwith what you are doing--whatever iswhatever isappropriateappropriate
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How to say no assertively?How to say no assertively?
Remember you are saying no to thatRemember you are saying no to thatparticular request,not rejecting theparticular request,not rejecting thepersonperson
If the request takes you unawares orIf the request takes you unawares or
you have not sufficent time to thinkyou have not sufficent time to thinkwhen asked,you can always say, I willwhen asked,you can always say, I willlet you know in order to give yourselflet you know in order to give yourselftime to think about what you want to saytime to think about what you want to say
Take responsibility for saying noTake responsibility for saying no--do notdo notblame the other person for asking youblame the other person for asking you
Ask for more information if you need itAsk for more information if you need itin order to decide whether you want toin order to decide whether you want tosay yes or nosay yes or no
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Why is it difficult to say yes?Why is it difficult to say yes?
I dont deserve itI dont deserve it
They might not really mean itThey might not really mean it
I am not really sure that is what I wantI am not really sure that is what I want
I dont have enough informationI dont have enough information
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How to say yes assertivelyHow to say yes assertively
Say yes clearly and definitelySay yes clearly and definitely
Identify why you would find it difficultIdentify why you would find it difficult
Examine thoughts realistically and askExamine thoughts realistically and ask
yourselfyourself
Having calarified thughts for yourselfHaving calarified thughts for yourself
then reaffirm your desire to say yesthen reaffirm your desire to say yes
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Combining yes and noCombining yes and no
yes and no may be combined assertively toyes and no may be combined assertively todefine what we want or what our limits are in adefine what we want or what our limits are in aparticular situation.particular situation.
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99--THE IMPORTANCE OFTHE IMPORTANCE OF
ASSERTIVENESS INASSERTIVENESS IN
ORGANISATIONSORGANISATIONS
AssertivenessAssertiveness
Personal identityPersonal identity
Wages or salaryWages or salary Satisfaction fromSatisfaction from
exercising skillsexercising skills
Satisfaction fromSatisfaction fromhelping peoplehelping people
SocialSocialenvironmentenvironment
Need to dealing withNeed to dealing with
TheirselvesTheirselves
The manager toThe manager towhom they reportwhom they report
Their colleaguesTheir colleagues
Their subordinatesTheir subordinates
Clients or customersClients or customers
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1010--ASSERTIVENESSASSERTIVENESS
TRAINING IN WORK PLACETRAINING IN WORK PLACE
BodyBody--language awareness leadinglanguage awareness leadingto work body oriented therapiesto work body oriented therapies
RoleRole--plays and then work inplays and then work inpsyhcodramapsyhcodrama
Awareness of other peoplesAwareness of other peoplesperceptions and so work inperceptions and so work insensitivity groups and encountersensitivity groups and encounter
Looking at situations in the pastLooking at situations in the past
where one was, or was notwhere one was, or was notassertive and hence traditionalassertive and hence traditionalpsychoteraphypsychoteraphy
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Techniques in AssertivenessTechniques in AssertivenessTrainingTraining
Verbal communicationVerbal communication NonNon--verbal communicationverbal communication Anxiety reduction and controlAnxiety reduction and control Anger reduction and control, andAnger reduction and control, and
redirection of this energyredirection of this energy Increase in self esteemIncrease in self esteem Awareness of self and others inAwareness of self and others in
interpersonnal situationsinterpersonnal situations Awareness of social and culturalAwareness of social and cultural
rules of behaviourrules of behaviour
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Problems in AssertivenessProblems in AssertivenessTrainingTraining
The first major problem for assertionThe first major problem for assertiontraining involves negative evaluations oftraining involves negative evaluations ofassertive people by othersassertive people by others
Confusion between assertion andConfusion between assertion and
aggressionaggression Problem involves transfer of training,theProblem involves transfer of training,thedifficulty experienced by trainees indifficulty experienced by trainees ingeneralising assertive from the traininggeneralising assertive from the trainingcontext to realcontext to real--life situationslife situations
Finally some of the difficulties in applyingFinally some of the difficulties in applyingassertion training outside the trainingassertion training outside the trainingcontext may be due to intuitive trainingcontext may be due to intuitive trainingprocedures that are inadequately based inprocedures that are inadequately based inresearchresearch
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The skills of helping the person to commit toThe skills of helping the person to commit to
changing his/her behaviour from nonchanging his/her behaviour from non--
assertive to assertive.assertive to assertive.
You will need action planning skills atYou will need action planning skills atthis stage of the counselling process.Inthis stage of the counselling process.Inparticular, you need to help the personparticular, you need to help the personset clear objectives;a mnemonic whichset clear objectives;a mnemonic which
can be useful is SMART.can be useful is SMART.This stands for:This stands for:
SSpecificpecific
MMeasurableeasurable
AAchievablechievable
RRealisticealistic
TTime orientedime oriented
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TO DECDE WHEN TO BETO DECDE WHEN TO BEASSERTVEASSERTVE
Do you know really what is the situation?Do you know really what is the situation? How much importance it has for you?How much importance it has for you? Will you get what you want?Will you get what you want? Do you want to just express yourself?Do you want to just express yourself? What is your options?What is your options? Do you want an optimistic result?Do you want an optimistic result? Are you ready to be assertive?Are you ready to be assertive? Did you count to the 10?Did you count to the 10? Is it beter to wait?Is it beter to wait?
Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you dont do anything?Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you dont do anything? Have you done your best?Have you done your best? What are the possible results and risks?What are the possible results and risks? Will assertiveness cause a change?Will assertiveness cause a change?
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Prepared By;Prepared By;
Ahmet GrbzAhmet Grbz
Mehmet Mutlu BayramMehmet Mutlu Bayram
Mustafa Giray ZereyMustafa Giray Zerey
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THANKS FOR YOURTHANKS FOR YOURATTENTIONATTENTION