Assertiveness @ work

A s s e r t i v e n e s s @ W o r k

DR WILFRED MONTEIROMaster coach on assertiveness and behavioural training for business leaders

http://ceo-metacoach.blogspot.in/

Test Your Assertiveness (1 of 3)

Can you express negative feelings aboutother people and their behaviors withoutusing abusive language?

Are you able to exercise and express yourstrengths?

Can you easily recognize and complimentother people’s achievements?

Can you express negative feelings aboutother people and their behaviors withoutusing abusive language?

Are you able to exercise and express yourstrengths?

Can you easily recognize and complimentother people’s achievements?


Do you have the confidence to ask forwhat is rightfully yours?

Can you accept criticism without beingdefensive?

Do you feel comfortable acceptingcompliments?

Are you able to stand up for yourrights?

Do you have the confidence to ask forwhat is rightfully yours?

Can you accept criticism without beingdefensive?

Do you feel comfortable acceptingcompliments?

Are you able to stand up for yourrights?


Are you able to refuse unreasonablerequests from friends, family, or co-workers?

Can you comfortably start and carry on aconversation with others?

Do you ask for assistance when youneed it ?

Are you able to refuse unreasonablerequests from friends, family, or co-workers?

Can you comfortably start and carry on aconversation with others?

Do you ask for assistance when youneed it ?

A “yes” response to the questionsindicates an assertive approach.

Talk softly –don’t standup for their

rights

Talk softly –don’t standup for their

rights

Gives‘vice-like’handshakes

Gives‘vice-like’handshakes

ASSERTIVENESS

• Assertiveness is the abilityto communicate your needs,feelings, opinions, andbeliefs in an open andhonest manner withoutviolating the rights ofothers

• Assertiveness is the abilityto communicate your needs,feelings, opinions, andbeliefs in an open andhonest manner withoutviolating the rights ofothers

ASSERTIVENESS

1. IS NOT THE SAME AS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR.2. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ENHANCES SELF AT THE

EXPENSE OF OTHERS.3. ASSERTIVENESS PRODUCES POSITIVE OUTCOMES FOR

ALL; AGGRESSIVE ACTS RESULT IN NEGATIVEOUTCOMES.

1. IS NOT THE SAME AS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR.2. AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR ENHANCES SELF AT THE

EXPENSE OF OTHERS.3. ASSERTIVENESS PRODUCES POSITIVE OUTCOMES FOR

ALL; AGGRESSIVE ACTS RESULT IN NEGATIVEOUTCOMES.

WHAT WILL IT DO

1. HELPS YOU BECOMESELF-CONFIDENT

2. INCREASES SELF-ESTEEM3. GAIN RESPECT OF

OTHERS4. IMPROVE

COMMUNICATION SKILLS5. IMPROVE DECISION-

MAKING ABILITY

1. HELPS YOU BECOMESELF-CONFIDENT

2. INCREASES SELF-ESTEEM3. GAIN RESPECT OF

OTHERS4. IMPROVE

COMMUNICATION SKILLS5. IMPROVE DECISION-

MAKING ABILITY

UNDERSTANDING ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR

Mottoes and Beliefs– Believes self and others are valuable– Knowing that assertiveness doesn't mean you always win, but that you

handled the situation as effectively as possible– "I have rights and so do others."

Communication Style– Effective, active listener– States limits, expectations– States observations, no labels or judgments– Expresses self directly, honestly, and as soon as possible about feelings

and wants– Checks on others feelings

Mottoes and Beliefs– Believes self and others are valuable– Knowing that assertiveness doesn't mean you always win, but that you

handled the situation as effectively as possible– "I have rights and so do others."

Communication Style– Effective, active listener– States limits, expectations– States observations, no labels or judgments– Expresses self directly, honestly, and as soon as possible about feelings

and wants– Checks on others feelings

Characteristics– Non-judgmental– Observes behavior rather than labeling it– Trusts self and others– Confident– Self-aware– Open, flexible, versatile– Playful, sense of humor– Decisive– Proactive, initiating

Behavior– Operates from choice– Knows what it is needed and develops a plan to get it– Action-oriented– Firm– Realistic in her expectations– Fair, just– Consistent– Takes appropriate action toward getting what she wants without denying rights of

others

Characteristics– Non-judgmental– Observes behavior rather than labeling it– Trusts self and others– Confident– Self-aware– Open, flexible, versatile– Playful, sense of humor– Decisive– Proactive, initiating

Behavior– Operates from choice– Knows what it is needed and develops a plan to get it– Action-oriented– Firm– Realistic in her expectations– Fair, just– Consistent– Takes appropriate action toward getting what she wants without denying rights of

others

Nonverbal Cues– Open, natural gestures– Attentive, interested facial expression– Direct eye contact– Confident or relaxed posture– Vocal volume appropriate, expressive– Varied rate of speech

Verbal Cues– "I choose to..."– "What are my options?"– "What alternatives do we have?"

Confrontation and Problem Solving– Negotiates, bargains, trades off, compromises– Confronts problems at the time they happen– Doesn't let negative feelings build up

Nonverbal Cues– Open, natural gestures– Attentive, interested facial expression– Direct eye contact– Confident or relaxed posture– Vocal volume appropriate, expressive– Varied rate of speech

Verbal Cues– "I choose to..."– "What are my options?"– "What alternatives do we have?"

Confrontation and Problem Solving– Negotiates, bargains, trades off, compromises– Confronts problems at the time they happen– Doesn't let negative feelings build up

Feelings Felt– Enthusiasm– Well being– Even tempered

Effects– Increased self-esteem and self-confidence– Increased self-esteem of others– Feels motivated and understood– Others know where they stand

Feelings Felt– Enthusiasm– Well being– Even tempered

Effects– Increased self-esteem and self-confidence– Increased self-esteem of others– Feels motivated and understood– Others know where they stand

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE

1. BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOURFEELINGS, NEEDS, BELIEFS.

2. EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLYTO SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS.

3. BE REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS

1. BE HONEST AND DIRECT ABOUT YOURFEELINGS, NEEDS, BELIEFS.

2. EXPRESS YOURSELF FIRMLY AND DIRECTLYTO SPECIFIC INDIVIDUALS.

3. BE REASONABLE IN YOUR REQUESTS

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE

4. STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING HESITANT ORAPOLOGETIC.

5. BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING FEEDBACK.6. LEARN TO SAY “NO” TO UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.7. PARAPHRASE WHAT OTHERS HAVE STATED TO YOU.

4. STATE YOUR VIEWPOINT WITHOUT BEING HESITANT ORAPOLOGETIC.

5. BE HONEST WHEN GIVING OR RECEIVING FEEDBACK.6. LEARN TO SAY “NO” TO UNREASONABLE EXPECTATIONS.7. PARAPHRASE WHAT OTHERS HAVE STATED TO YOU.

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE

8. REGOGNIZE AND RESPECT THE RIGHTS OF THOSEAROUND YOU.

9. USE APPROPRIATE TONE OF VOICE.10. BE AWARE OF BODY POSTURE/LANGUAGE11. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.12. USE “I” STATEMENTS TO EXPRESS SELF

8. REGOGNIZE AND RESPECT THE RIGHTS OF THOSEAROUND YOU.

9. USE APPROPRIATE TONE OF VOICE.10. BE AWARE OF BODY POSTURE/LANGUAGE11. MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT.12. USE “I” STATEMENTS TO EXPRESS SELF

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE

13. DON’T LET OTHERSIMPOSE THEIRVALUES/IDEAS ON YOU

14. ENCOURAGE OTHERSTO BE CLEAR ANDDIRECT

15. TAKE OWNERSHIP

13. DON’T LET OTHERSIMPOSE THEIRVALUES/IDEAS ON YOU

14. ENCOURAGE OTHERSTO BE CLEAR ANDDIRECT

15. TAKE OWNERSHIP

Dr WILFRED MONTEIRO

• is a nationally acclaimed stalwart in the field ofbusiness management with an illustrious careerspanning over 25 years

• He is a consultant and advisor to Board of Directorsof leading companies & Chambers of Commerce;

• a management trainer of high repute who hasconducted over 1250 seminars in India and abroadin areas of business strategy, marketing &organization development.

• a Visiting Professor to premier managementinstitutes and staff training colleges throughoutIndia.

• is a nationally acclaimed stalwart in the field ofbusiness management with an illustrious careerspanning over 25 years

• He is a consultant and advisor to Board of Directorsof leading companies & Chambers of Commerce;

• a management trainer of high repute who hasconducted over 1250 seminars in India and abroadin areas of business strategy, marketing &organization development.

• a Visiting Professor to premier managementinstitutes and staff training colleges throughoutIndia.

website: www.synergymanager.netwebsite: www.synergymanager.net

CONTACT US

Dr Wilfred MonteiroTELE : 91 22 9819843927

EMAIL: [email protected]

website:

www.synergymanager.net

SYNERGY MANAGEMENT ASSOCIATESsince 1993

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Assertiveness @ work

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