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Assertive people have the following characteristics:

They feel free to express their feelings, thoughts, anddesires.

They know their rights.

They have control over their anger. It does not meanthat they repress this feeling. It means that they controlit for a moment and then talk about it later in a logical

way.They have a good understanding of feelings of the

person with whom they are communicating.

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THE PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE PERSON

Agrees to others' demands, then avoids by makingexcuses, forgetting and being late.

Denies personal responsibility for their actions, uses

accusatory statements.

Tries to get his/her own way by being manipulative

Fears rejection and confrontation.

Example: "Yes, I know I promised to meet you at 9.00,

but Anthony kept me talking. I'm really sorry."

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BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS

Assertive people are Direct, honest and

expressive. They feel confident, gain selfrespect, and make others feel valued.

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BEHAVIOUR ASPECTS

Aggressive people may humiliate others,

and unassertive people elicit either pity or

scorn from others.

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THE TWO GREATASSERTIVE PERSONALITIES

FROM INDIA.

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Assertive people learn to

Express their feelings, Ask for favors,

Give and receive complements,

Request behaviour changes, and

Refuse unreasonable requests.

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When confronted withan intolerable situationBeing assertive involves 5 stages.

Stage Example

1. Describe the behaviour. When you do this.....

2. Express your feelings. I feel..........................3. Empathize. I understand why you....4. Negotiate a change. I want you to ...........5. Indicate consequences. If you do(dont ), I will....

Not all the steps may be necessary in all situations.

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Body language as relatedto assertive behavior:

1. Eye contact and facial expression: Maintaindirect eye contact, appear interested and alert, butnot angry.

2. Posture: Stand or sit erect, possibly leaningforward slightly.

3. Distance and contact: Stand or sit at a normalconversational distance from the other.

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Body language as relatedto assertive behavior:

4. Gestures: Use relaxed, conversational gestures.

5. Voice: Use a factual, not emotional tone of voice.

Sound determined and full of conviction, but notoverbearing.

6. Timing: Choose a time when both parties arerelaxed. A neutral site is best.

* * * * * * * *

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EFFECTIVE ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOUR

Assertive behaviour generally is most effectivewhen it integrates a number of verbal and nonverbal components.

Appropriate gestures, congruent facialexpressions are essential, and strong butmodulated voice tone and volume will be

convincing. Perhaps most important is thespontaneous and forceful expression of anhonest reaction.

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MAKING REQUESTS

One useful technique is the Describe , Express,Specify and Outcome script. These four stepscan be used when learning to make an

assertive request.The intent is to frame the situation, say what'swrong, make your request and predict anoutcome.

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DESCRIBEBefore making a request, define the situation. What'sgoing on?

Helpful description:Assertive person: "It's been a long time since we

went out for dinner together."Unhelpful description:Passive/passive, aggressive person: "Why don'tyou ever take me out to dinner any more?"

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EXPRESS

Here and now, express how you are feeling inthis particular situation:

Assertive: "I miss you"

Passive/passive, aggressive: "You don't love

me any more."

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SPECIFY

Indicate what you would like to happen:

Assertive: "I would love to go out on Saturday."

Passive/passive, aggressive: "I don'tsuppose you're free on Saturday, either"

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OUTCOME

Describe the outcome you'd like to achieve ifthe other person went along with your request:

Assertive: "It would be a great chance for usto catch up and spend some time together.

Passive/passive, aggressive: "Like always,you're letting me down."

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1. Assertive responses are characterized by the use of ``I'' statements instead of ``You'' statements.

2. Assertive responses are usually effective in getting

others to change or reinforce behavior.3. Assertive responses run a low risk of hurting a

relationship.

4. Assertive responses neither attack the other's self- esteem nor put him on the defensive.

5. Assertive behavior prevents ``gunny sacking,'' i.e.,

saving up a lot of bad feelings.

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