FamilyFriendHandbook

IntroductionSafeFamiliesisamovementoftheChurchtocareforthemostvulnerablepeoplegroupinoursociety,ourvulnerablechildrenandtheirfamilies.TheChurchiscommanded(Carefororphansandwidows)andbestequippedtomeetthisneed.Additionally,thechurchhasthemostexperienceasithasbeendoingitthroughouthistory(untilfostercarewascreatedinthe19thcentury).SafeFamiliesisavehicletopreventchildabuseandreturnthechurchbacktotheforefrontofcaringforchildren.1.1 BriefDescriptionSafeFamiliesforChildrenhostsvulnerablechildrenandcreatesextendedfamily-likesupportsfordesperatefamiliesthroughacommunityofcompassionatevolunteersmotivatedbytheirfaithtokeepchildrensafeandultimatelytogetherwiththeirfamilies.FoundedinChicagoin2003,SafeFamiliesforChildren(SFFC)isamulti-sitevolunteermovementthatgiveshopeandsupporttofamiliesindistress.SFFCreframeshowfamiliesaresupportedduringacrisis.Parentsvoluntarilyplacetheirchildreninsafe,lovinghomeswheretheyarecaredforwhiletheparentsseektorestorestabilityintheirlives.Otherfamilieswhoarenotinneedofplacement,partnerwithaFamilyFriendtohelpgetontrack.SFFCisdedicatedtofamilysupport,stabilizationand,mostimportantly,childabuseprevention.Facts

• Screenandapprovehostfamiliessimilartofostercare• Monitorchildreninhosthomesatthesamefrequencyasfostercare• Averagestayinhosthomes44days• 69.62%5yearsoldandbelow• ReferralSources:schools,homelessanddomesticviolencecenters,substanceabuse,

hospitals,childwelfareThecornerstoneofSafeFamiliesishostingchildrenbeforechildrenareharmedandinneedoffostercare.Thatiswhatsetsusapartfromallothereffortstohelpstrugglingfamilies.HostFamiliesarethekeytoarelationshipwiththeplacingparent.However,hostfamiliesand

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parents(withorwithoutplacementoftheirchildren)oftenneedadditionalsupport.That’swhereFamilyFriendscomein.VolunteerRolesinSafeFamiliesThereareanumberofkeyvolunteerrolesinSafeFamilies

1. HostFamilies:Screenedandapprovedvolunteerswhotakeinchildrenfromparentsincrisis

2. FamilyFriends:VolunteerswhobefriendandsupportplacingparentsorcomealongsideHostFamiliesbyofferingbabysitting,meals,etc.

3. ResourceFriends:Volunteerswhodonateavarietyofitems(beds,clothes,etc.)tofamilies.

4. FamilyCoach:Avolunteer(occasionallyastaff)whovisitskidsintheHostFamilyhometomakesuretheyareadjustingwellandreachesouttoplacingparentstoensuretheyaregettingtheresourcestheyneedtogetontheirfeet.TheFamilyCoachisusuallythecoordinatorofactivities/services.

5. MinistryLead:AvolunteerwhocoordinatesandsupportsactivitiesofSafeFamiliesunderaSafeFamilyChurch.

6. SafeFamiliesPLUSMentors:Youthagingoutoffostercareandothersstrugglingwithtransitiontoadulthoodareconnectedwithmentorsandothervolunteerswillingtosupportthem(PLUS=ProvidingLastingUnconditionalSupport).

WhatParentsNeedAlthoughparentslookforhelpfromSafeFamiliesbecauseofspecificreasonssuchashomelessness,substanceabuse,etc.,theunderlyingreasonfornearlyallplacementsissocialisolation.Theylackthenecessarysupportsystemthatmanyofusnaturallyhavebecauseoffamilyrelationshipsorrelationshipswebuildwithinourchurchorcommunity.Unfortunately,manyparentshavenooneelsetoturntootherthanstrangerswhenthingsarenotgoingwell.Thereareanumberofreasonswhyparentsmightnothaveasolidsupportnetwork:

• Theparentsmaylackthenecessarysocialskillstodevelopandmaintainrelationships• Theparent’smentalhealthmaystandinthewayofdevelopinghealthyrelationships.

Depression,Bipolar,etc.oftenhaveaccompanyingrelationaldifficulties.• Manyrelationshipsdevelopbecausethereisanaturalgiveandtake.Someplacing

parentshaveneverlearnedordon’tfeeltheyhaveanythingtogive(lowself-esteem,self-centeredness),sotheyonlytake.Thoseparentswhogrewupinfostercareorlearnedveryearlythattheyhavetofightforthemselvesbecausetheirparentswerenotresponsibleoftencontinuethispatternintoadulthood.

• Manycommunitiesthatparentscomefrommightnotbeconducivetomutualsocialconnections.

• Manyparentshaveburnedoutrelationshipswithfamilyorfriendsbecauseofpastunhealthybehaviors.

Whateverthereason,mostparentsneedcaringpeoplewhoarewillingtobefriendthem.It’stheserelationshipsthathaveapowerfulopportunitytopreventchildabuseandcrisesinthefuture.ThecoreofSafeFamiliesisbecomingpartoftheparent’ssupportnetwork.IntheChristianworld,webelievewearecalledtoloveourneighborsandcarefortheleastofthese.Thisisbestdoneincommunity.It’sanexcitingmatchbetweentheChurch’scallandaparent’sgreatestchallenge.ThisiswhySafeFamiliesissoimportant.

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1.2 WhatisaFamilyFriend?Thereare2typesofFamilyFriendswithintheSafeFamilyMovement,FamilyFriendsforHostFamiliesandFamilyFriendsforparents.FamilyFriendsforHostFamiliesWhenchildrenareplacedwithaHostFamily,thefamilyoftenneedsadditionalsupporttoadequatelycareforthem.Thissupportmayinvolvesomeonedroppingoffmealstohelpwiththetransition,prayer,someonetotalkto,occasionalbreaks(respite)forafewhoursorovernight,helpwithtransportingthechildtoschoolorotheractivities,etc.TheFamilyCoach(whoworkswiththeHostFamily)maydeterminethattheHostneedsadditionalsupport.TheMinistryLeadatthechurchmayalsobeawareoftheneedforsupportfortheHostFamily.EithertheMinistryLeadortheFamilyCoachmayreachouttotheSafeFamilynetworkofFamilyFriendstoseewhomightbeavailabletohelptheHostFamilyincaringforthechildintheirhome.ChurchsmallgroupsmayalsoserveasFamilyFriendsandsurroundtheHostFamilyandthechildintheircarewithencouragement,prayer,andtangiblesupport(breaks,meals,transportation,providingthechildadditionalactivities).IftheFamilyFriendisgoingtohaveregularandunsupervisedcontactwiththechild,thatvolunteerneedstobevetted(completebackgroundchecks).FamilyFriendsforParentsTheFamilyFriendisatrustworthyandcaringindividual,willingtobefriendaparentwhoisfacingvariouschallenges;supportingandencouragingthembothpracticallyandemotionally;helpingthemtoenvisionandreachtowardsgoalsinlife.Theywillcomealongsideparentsinneed,supportingthemthroughtheircrisisbybefriending,coaching,mentoringandgenerallyofferingconsistentmoralsupportandasympatheticlisteningear.Theirgoalistojourneywiththeparentuntiltheirsituationhasbeguntonormalize,helpingthemtoestablishgoodparentingandasafehomeenvironmentfortheirownchildren.ItisimportanttonotethatFamilyFriendscanbeassignedtoparentswhohavetheirchildrenstayingwithaHostFamilyorwhohavetheirchildrenhomewiththem.PlacementinaHostFamilyisnotneededforaFamilyFriendtobeassigned.

Theremainderofthismanualisforthosesupportingparents.1.2.1 FamilyFriendroleandrequirements• Offeringfriendshipandsupporttoa

parentwhoisstruggling• Meetingthemonaregularbasis

(generallyweekly)eitherintheirhomeoratamutuallyconvenientlocation

• Beingcommittedtosupportingtheparentforthepre-agreedtimeframeoftheassignment

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• Listeningto,andtalkingabouttheissuesthattheyarefacing• Helpingtheparenttoenvisiongoalsthattheycanworktowards,whichmaysimplybesmall

manageablestepsintheirjourneyofovercomingwhateverchallengestheyarefacing• Ensuringthatthechildorchildrenareafrequenttopicofconversation,asameans

ofinformallycoachingandmentoringintheareaofparentingskills• ProvideregularupdatestotheSFFCFamilyCoachregardinghowtherelationshipisgoing• Documentinteractionsinthedatabase.ThismaylooklikealonglistbutpleasedokeepinmindthatSafeFamiliesforChildrenfunctionsasanetworkofvolunteerswitheveryoneofferingwhattheycan.Youareneveraloneasavolunteer–youwillalwayshaveaccesstoadviceandsupport.Importantpre-requisitesfortherole

• Reallifeexperienceasaparent,andperhapsgrandparent• Ifnotaparentthenabletodemonstrateexperienceofunderstandingfamilylife,parenting,

and/orchildrenandtheirneeds.• Friendly,welcomingpersonality,goodlistener,sensitivetotheparent’supsanddowns• WillingtobeconnectedtothecommunityofalocalchurchthathasagreedtosupportSFFC

volunteers• Willingto‘gotheextramile’andtoproblem-solvewhenunforeseensituationsarise• Happytoreceivesupervision,directionandconstructivefeedbackfromyourFamilyCoach• BeinfullagreementwiththevisionandvaluesofSafeFamiliesforChildren,whichhasa

clearethosofexpressingChristiancompassionandhospitalitytowardsthoseinneed.

1.2.2 UnpackingdifferentaspectsoftheFamilyFriendrole

MoralsupportManyoftheparentsthatSFFCassistslackself-confidenceandhavefeelingsoffailureorguilt.Askingforhelpisabigstepforthem.Theyneedtobeencouragedthataskingforhelpwhenitisneededisapositiveratherthannegativething–itisnotanadmissionoffailure.Yourinvolvementcanhelpthemtoseethattheycanofferahealthyhomefortheirchildrenbyaddressingcertainissueswiththerightsupport.Bitbybit,weekbyweekaFamilyFriendcanhelpthemtofindpurpose,makepositivechanges,buildontheirstrengths,andnotbecomediscouragedbyperceivedweaknesses.MentoringinparentingUltimatelytheFamilyFriendishelpingtheparenttoimprovetheoutcomesforthechild.Theparentoughttoknowthatthisistheaim,andshareit,beingencouragedinthevisionofprovidingahealthyhomeenvironmentfortheirchildren.TherolewillneedtobeundertakenwithgreatsensitivityandFamilyFriendsmustbecarefulnevertobejudgmentalorpatronizing.Caremustbetakentohelptheparenttobethebestparenttheycanbe,whichisnotthesameasthekindofparenttheFamilyFriendwouldbe.Focusingontheparent’sstrengthsandwhattheywantfortheirchildaswellashelpingthemfindwaystodealwithstressesandchallengesiskey.It’simportanttonotethatifachildisstayingwithaHostFamily,themostimportantrelationshipistheHostFamily/placingparentrelationship.BecausetheHostFamilyiscaringfor

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thechildwithoutreimbursementandisnotkeepingthechildpermanently,theyoftenhaveauniqueopportunitytoconnectwiththeplacingparent.However,insomesituations,thisconnectiondoesnotoccureasilyand/orothersmighthaveabetterchanceatconnecting.Manyplacingparentsmaybenefitfromhavinganumberofpeopletheycanreachouttoforsupport.HopeManyparentscometoSafeFamiliesnotwithonesingleproblem,butwithmultipleproblems.Ourjobisnottofixtheirproblems.ManyoftheproblemshavebeenlongstandingandcannotbecompletelyfixedduringtheirtimewithSafeFamilies.Our“job”istoobedientlysupportthem,toreachtheweakandfatherless.Ifwestepoutinobedienceintothemessinessoftheirstruggles,weallowGodtodotheworkthroughus,aswecareforandloveourneighbors.Wehaveanopportunitytocommunicatehope.1Corinthians13:13states,“Andnowthesethreeremain;faith,hope,andlovebutthegreatestoftheseislove.Bygivingtheparentamomenttobreatheandalleviatetheimmediatecrisis(whatdoIdowithmychild),webegintheprocessofgivingtheparenthopethattheirsituationcanbebetter.Interactionswiththeparentshouldbefilledwithloveandhope.Ifaparentcanbegintofeelasenseofhope,theycanleveragetheenergy,newrelations,andskillsnecessarytogetthingsontrack.BeingPositiveTheparentisfilledwithrelationshipsthatarenegative.Theyhearmessagesfromthemselvesorothersthattheyareafailure:“Theycan’tprovidefortheirchildren.”“Theycan’tkeepajob.”Thereismuchtruthinthestrugglestheyhave.However,theydohavetheabilitytoovercomemanyoftheirchallenges.ThatiswhyFamilyFriendsoftenactlikeacoach.Acoach’sjobistoinspire,motivate,instruct,andencourage.However,theyhavetodomuchofthework.Wemustlearnhowtohelpbepositiveinthemidstofmultipleproblemsandnegativity.Wemustlearntohelpaparentbreakdowntasksintodoableactivities.

Ultimately,werealizethatmanyoftheirchallengesneeddivineintervention.Wemustbewillingtotalkwiththeparentabouttheirspiritualconditionandhowtoimproveit,iftheywant.

AdvocacyAtaninformallevelaFamilyFriendcanhelpaparenttovoicetheiropinionsonmattersthataffectthemandareimportanttothem,forexampletoasocialworker.Recognizingthedifficultythatsomeparents/caregiverswillhaveinexpressingtheirconcernsandviewstoothersandofdoingsoinanappropriateway,theFamilyFriendcanfacilitatethiswell.

Daytimerespiteandbaby-sittingTherearecircumstanceswhenafamilybeingassistedbySFFCdoesnotneedfullovernighthostingfortheirchild,butdoesneeddaytimeoreveningcare.Examplesmightbewhenaloneparentneedstoattendaweeklygroup,suchasAA,orAlpha.TheFamilyFriendmaybewellplacedtooffersupportincaringforthechild,eitherintheirownhomeorinthechild’shome.

TransportOnoccasion,issuesoftransportarisethatcausepracticaldifficultiesforeithertheHostFamilyortheparents.Forexample,ifachildplacedwithaHostFamilycontinuestoattendaschoolthatisafewmilesawayfromtheHostFamilyhome.HelpintakingthechildrentoorfromschoolmaybecriticaltothestaywithaHostFamilyrunningsmoothly.Transporthelpmayalso

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berequiredtosupportcontactarrangementsforchildrenwiththeirparentsduringthetimeofastaywithaHostFamily.Parentsmayalsoneedhelpwithtransportationtoappointments,etc.

GoodEnoughParentingOurgoalistosupporttheparenttobe“goodenoughfortheirkids”.Wesupportparentsthroughacrisisorperiodoftimewhentheirsupportorexistingresourcesareinadequatetosafelyparenttheirchildrenorcareforthemselves.Strengtheningandsupportingtheparent’sprotectivefactorswillhelpthemdealwithsituationsthatmightbebeyondtheircontrol.Wewanttheparenttobe“goodenough.”Wehavetoguardagainsthavingtoohighexpectations.5ProtectiveFactorsResearchhasshownthatifparentsdevelop5protectivefactors,theycanbe“goodenough”fortheirchildrendespitehavingongoingchallenges.

1. Parentalresilience:Managingstressandfunctioningwellwhenfacedwithchallenges,adversityandtrauma.

2. Socialconnections:Positiverelationshipswithothersthatprovideemotional,informational,andspiritualsupport.

3. Knowledgeofparentingandchilddevelopment:Understandingchilddevelopmentandparentingstrategiesthatsupportthedevelopmentoftheirchildren.

4. Concretesupportintimesofneed:Accesstoconcretesupportandservicesthataddressafamily’sneedsandhelpminimizestresscausedbyunmetneeds.

5. Socialandemotionalcompetenceofchildren:Familyandchildinteractionsthathelpchildrendeveloptheabilitytocommunicateclearly,recognizeandregulatetheiremotionsandestablishandmaintainrelationships.

1.3 Supportforyou:TheFamilyCoachandthelocalchurchItisveryimportantthatinservingtheneedsofothersyoudonotneglectyourownneedforsupport.WewantyoutohavealongandfulfillinginvolvementwithSFFC,andthatwillmeanpacingyourselfandmakingthemostofthesupportthatisavailabletoyou.InpreparationforbeingaFamilyFriend,youmaywishtotellyourwiderfamily,friendsandneighborsaboutyourinvolvementwithSafeFamiliesforChildrensothattheycanprovideyouwithanysupportandencouragementyoumayneed.

1.3.1 YourallocatedFamilyCoach

YourprimarylinktoSFFCwillbethroughaFamilyCoach–amoreexperiencedvolunteerwithwhomyoumaytalkthingsthroughanddiscussanysituationsthatmightariseinthecourseofanassignment.Theyaretheretoofferguidanceandwillhelpyouworkwithinyourstrengthsandnottobecomeextendedbeyondyourlimits.

Beyondsupportingyouthroughthebefriendingassignment,theFamilyCoachwillreflectwithyouafterwards,askingabouthowitwent,andconsideringwhatmayhappennext.Whetheryoucontinuetohaveasupportingrelationshipwiththatfamilyinneed,preparetosupportanotherparentorneedtohaveabreakforawhile,theFamilyCoachwillbealongsideyouinthisprocessasmuchasishelpfultoyou.PleasenotethatyourFamilyCoachmaychangewhenyoutakeonanewassignmentwithanewfamily.

Respondingtoyourneeds

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TheFamilyCoachisyouradvocate.Youcanfeelfreetocontactthemwheneveryouneedhelpordirection.Ifthingsarenotgoingwell,itisimportantforyoutoletyourFamilyCoachknow.TheFamilyCoachisalsothefirstpersonyoushouldtrytocontactifyouhaveanyconcernsregardingchildreninthefamilythatyoucannotdiscussdirectlywiththeparentyouarehelping.

1.3.2 Supportfromyourlocalchurch

ItislikelythatyourchurchwillrecognizetheministryofSafeFamiliesforChildren.IfyouareunsurethenpleasecalltheSFFCofficeandasktospeaktooneofthestaff.Theywillbeabletoconfirmwhetherornottherehasbeencorrespondence/contactwiththechurch.Ifnot,SFFCwillbehappytocalltheminister/pastorforachat.IfyoudonotattendaSafeFamilyChurch,youwillbeassignedtoonesoyoucangetthesupportthatyouneedthroughothervolunteers.

1.3.3 Buildinginresttime

AsaFamilyFriendassignmentcomestoanend,youwillexperienceavarietyofemotions.Pleasemakesurethatyoubuildinthetimeyouneedtoworkthroughthese.De-briefingwithyourFamilyCoachfollowinganassignmentwillhelpwiththis,butmayonlybethestartofaprocessforyou.Eachperson’sprocessingwillbedifferentandyoumusttakethetimeyouneedbeforeacceptinganotherassignment.

1.3.4 InAccessingfurtherinformationandtraining

InyourroleasaFamilyFrienditisimportantthatyoufeelconfidentinhandlingthepotentialupsanddownsofinvolvementwithparentswhomayhavedifficultlives.Itshouldalsobeexpectedthatyouwilllearnfromexperiencetoo,asyoucompleteyourfirst,secondandthirdassignments,andsoon.ThedebriefingsessionsyouhavewithyourFamilyCoachwillhelptoaccelerateyourlearningcurve.

1.4 BeginningaFamilyFriendrelationship

1.4.1 HowwillIbeinformedofapotentialassignment?

Onceanewbefriending-relatedreferralhasbeenaccepted,theFamilyCoach,MinistryLead,orIntakeSpecialistwillbeginasearchforthebestpossibleFamilyFriendmatch.Ifyouarefoundtobeagoodmatch(intermsofgeography,availabilitypreferencesetc.),thenyouwillbecontactedbyemailortelephone.Ifchosen,youwillbegivenbiographicaldetailsaboutthefamily,afullerdescriptionoftheproblemthattheyarefacing,andageneralsenseofwhatwearehopingtoachievethroughthehelpgiven.Generallyaswiftyesornoresponsewillbeneeded.Sayingyestotheassignmentdoesnotmeanthatyouwillbeintroducedtothefamilylaterthatday!

• Atthetimeofacceptingtheassignment,orshortlyafterwards,youwillbegivendetailsofwhichFamilyCoachhassupervisoryresponsibility.

• FamilyCoachwillcallyoutoclarifyexpectationsaroundtimecommitments,anytransportissues,andalsoaddressanyquestionsorconcernsyoumighthave.

1.4.2 Beingintroducedtothefamilyinneed

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YouwillnormallybeintroducedtotheparentthatyouwillbebefriendingbyeithertheFamilyCoach,HostFamily,orIntakeSpecialist.Iftheassignmentisjudgedtobeverystraightforwardandlowriskthenyoumaybeaskedtoseethemonyourown.

• Inastraightforwardassignment,youwillemailorcallthereferredfamilytointroduceyourselfandsetupatimetomeetatanagreedlocation,whichmaybethehomeofthereferredfamily,oraneutralvenuesuchasalocalcafe.

• AmemberofstafffromtheSFFCofficemaygetinvolvedinhelpingwithcoordinatingarrangements.

• IftheFamilyCoachisatthemeeting,theycanhelptokick-starttheconversationbetweenyourselfandthereferredparent,sharingsomeoftheirownstoryandthenaskingyoubothtodothesame.

• BythetimetheintroductorymeetingisovereveryoneshouldbeclearabouttheexpectationsoftheFamilyFriendinvolvement.

1.4.3 TheadultsinthefamilyThefamilythatyouarebefriendingmayhaveanynumberofcombinationsofadultcaregivers,andyouwillhavebeengiveninformationspecifictothefamilythatyouwillbehelpingpriortoacceptingtheassignment.GenerallyaFamilyFriendhasafocusonhelpingoneparentinparticular,andmostcommonly,themother.However,inthecourseofyourgettingtoknowtheparticularparentthatyouarebefriendingyoumayalsomeettheirpartner,andotherfamilymemberstoo,suchastheirmother,father,sister,etc.Ideally,inordertobeabletotalktogetherfreelyyouwillneedsomeone-to-onetimewiththeparentthatyouaresupporting.Youmaybeaskedtohelptheparentinallsortsofpracticalways,butthemostimportantaspectofthetimeyouspendwiththemwillbethequalityoftheconversationsthatyouhavetogether.Belowaresomeguidelines:

Do’sandDont’sDo: Don’t:

Respecttheparentasauniqueindividual Bedogmaticaboutyourownreligiousorpoliticalopinions

Bepreparedtolistenandletthepersontalk Rushinwithjudgmentsandadvice

Focusontheiraspirationsasaparent Takesidesinfamilydisputes

Sensitivelyapproachknownchallengesthattheparentwantshelpwith

Presstheparenttotalkaboutthingsthattheyarenotyetreadytoaddress

Keeptosetdaysandtimesformeetings Administermedicationforthem

Giveadequatenoticeandexplanationifyouhavetocancelavisit

Liftormoveheavyobjectsintheirhome

InformtheFamilyCoachofanyconcernsorincidentssuchasharmfulbehaviorsordeterioratinghealth

Exchangeanymoneywiththeparent–eithergivingto,ortakingfrom

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1.4.4 ThechildreninthefamilyAspartofyourbefriendingassignment,theremayormaynotbeanopportunitytospendtimewiththechildren.Youwilleither:

• Seetheparentontheirownwithoutthekids(i.e.whentheyareatschool,orinbed)• Seetheparentwhenthekidsarearound(pre-schoolers,oratweekends)• Seethekidsasyourprimaryfocus,toenabletheparenttodosomethingimportant

(suchasattendacourseorclinic)

Itisimportantthatyourememberthatyouareofferingsupporttoaparentinorderthattheymightbebetterabletocarefortheirchild.Theremaybespecificelementsofsupportthattheparentneeds,suchashowtodealwithsomeelementofthechild’sbehavior.Youdonothavetobean‘expert’forthembutshouldbeopenaboutthelessonsyouhavelearntasaparent/caregiver,andthewayyoumanagedtoovercomeparentingchallengesyoufaced.Thiswillbevaluabletothemandwillenhancethebondbetweenyou.

Whencaringforchildren

• Considertheirneedsaccordingtotheirage,developmentstage,etc.Whatactivitieswillyoudo?Willyouneedtoprepareanyfood–ifsowhatcan/can’ttheyeat?Doyouhavealltheequipmentyouneed?Forexample,atinytoddlerwillrequireahighchairandachangingmat.Doyouhaveappropriatetoysavailableforthechild?

• IfyouarehavingthechildreninyourownhomeforthedaymakesureyouhavecompletedaSFFCHomeSafetychecklistwithastaffmember.

• Ifyouarelackinganythingpleaseask.SFFCisacommunitynetworkofsupportincludingresourcefriendswhoofferawiderangeofadditionalpracticalitems.

1.5 ManagingexpectationsandboundariesItisimportanttofindtherightbalanceintherelationalsupportyougive,sothatyoukeepwithinthelimitsofyourFamilyFriendroleresponsibility.Thefollowingaresomeguidelinesforappropriateboundariesintherole:

• Donotraiseunrealisticexpectations;onlyofferwhatyoureallycando.Agreetothepurposeofyourinvolvementandtailoryoursupportaccordingly.Insomecircumstances,veryfirmboundariesneedtobeinplace.

• Whetherornotyoushareyouraddressandpersonalphonenumberwiththeparentwillbesomethingthatvariescasebycaseandaccordingtohowtherelationshipdevelops.TherecommendationisthatyoudiscussthisquestionwiththeFamilyCoachearlyon.

• Pleasedonotgivetheparentmoneydirectly.Iftheydoneedspecificfinancialhelp,theremaybepossibilitiesavailabletohelpwiththisandtheFamilyCoachisthebestpersontocoordinatehowsuchsupportmaybegiven.ItisalsoappropriatetokeepindiscussionwiththeFamilyCoachregardingotherresource-supportthefamilyneedsandhowbesttohelp.Weneedtorememberthatitisimportantnottodisempowerparentsbytakingresponsibilityawayfromthem.

• Pleaserefrainfrombeingjudgmentalorcritical.Sincemanyofuswillprobablynothaveexperiencedthemultipledifficultiestheparentsareunder,itisdifficultforustounderstandthechallengesandbehaviorthatoftenarise.

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1.6 Goal-settingandjournalingAsaFamilyFriendsyoumaybeinvolvedinavarietyofwaysofsupportingstrugglingfamilies,someverysimpleandstraightforwardandothersmuchmorechallengingandinvolved.Oneunifyingthemeinallbefriendingsupportisthatthebefrienderandtheadultreceivingthesupportneedtobeclearaboutwhatsupportisbeinggiven,whatthegoalofprovidingthesupportis,andoverwhattimescalethesupportwillbemonitoredforeffectiveness.

Forexample:

Supporttobegiven

SFFCFamilyFriendwillvisitstrugglingsinglemotherwhohasa3yearold,a2yearoldanda3monthold.

Frequencyofsupport

Weekly,onWednesdaymorningsat10am

Durationofsupport

6monthsthenreview

Goalsofsupport • Encouragerelationshipsandbondinginthefamilyunit• Encouragehealthyfeedingandhygieneroutines• Helpmomgetouttotheparkwiththekids• Helpmomplanfor3yearoldstartinglocalschoolchildcarehalf

daysfromSeptember

1.6.1 UsingjournalingtorecordprogressbeingmadeSFFChasasectionwithinitsdatabaseforrecordingnotesaboutthefamilieswearehelping.Itisimportantthatyoumakeuseofthis.Abriefjournalnotefollowingameeting,evenifithasbeenprettyuneventful,isimportantforcontinuitypurposes.ThesenoteswillalsohelptheSFFCFamilyCoachandSupervisortobuildupapictureovertimeoftheimpactthesupportishaving.Theyhaveaccesstoallthenotescreatedbyeveryoneinvolvedinthefamilyandareabletorecognizepatternsdeveloping.ItwillbeyourjobtokeepyournotesuptodateandaccuratelyandfullyrecordyourinteractionswiththeHostFamily,child,ortheplacingparent.Whenyoulogin,yourassignmentwillbeonthehomescreenunder“MyAssignments”.Besuretomarkthenotewiththedateyoucalled/visited,notnecessarythedateyouwritethenote.Notesshouldbeenteredwithin24hoursofthecontact,orassoonaspossible.

Accessingthedatabasetomakenotes

• LogontotheSFFCDatabasetocreatenotes:http://sfcms.net• YouwillneedtousetheGoogleChromebrowser.SeetheDatabaseUserguideformore

detailedinstructions.• Whenloggedin,youwillfindanyfamilyyouareassignedtoin'MyActivity'.• Ifaccessingthedatabaseonlinecontinuestobeproblematic,dotalktoyourFamily

Coachaboutthepossibilityofarranginganalternativewayofrecordingyournotes.JournalingNotesPointsofContactthatneedtobedocumentedinthedatabasearethefollowing:

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• Anyphonecalls,texts,oremailsinwhichtheassignmentisdiscussedandpertinentinformationisexchanged.

• Communityandministryreferralsthatyoumake.• Makeanoteifthechildsharesconcerninginformationoriftheparentorchildexhibits

inappropriatebehaviororbehaviorthatcouldputthechildatrisk.• Besuretonoteanyeffortsmadetocall,text,oremail,evenifunsuccessful.

GeneralGuidelines

• Sharewhatyouseewithyoureyesandhearwithyourears;avoidopinionorpersonaljudgment.

• Keepitsimple.• Keepinmindwhowillbereadingthesenotes:Intakestaff,yourFamilyCoach,orFamily

CoachSupervisor.• YournotesmayrequiretheFamilyCoachorFamilyCoachSupervisor’sapproval.• Pleaseshareweeklyoratleastmonthlyhowmanyhoursyouhavespentvolunteering.

Includetimespentwithparentdirectly,timeresearchingresourcesforfamily,timespentinsupervisionwithyourFamilyCoachorFamilyCoachSupervisor,etc.

1.7 Endinginvolvementwell Howyoudrawabefriendingarrangementtoaconclusionwillverymuchdependonthenature,theintensityandthelengthoftheinvolvementyouhavehadwiththeparent.

Asendingapproaches,giveconsiderationtothefollowing:

• Theextenttowhichtheoriginalgoalsoftheinvolvementhavebeenachieved • Waysinwhichthefamilyhasgainedfreshconfidenceandstability,practicallyand

emotionally,andhowthiswillbemaintainedwhenthesupportiswithdrawn • Berealisticaboutthefuture,forexamplehowmuchongoingcontactislikely.

Note:itispossiblethatyourrelationshipwithafamilydoesnotcompletelyendbutrathertransitionssothatyoucontinuetobefriendswithanaturaltwo-wayrelationship.YourFamilyCoachisavailabletohelpyouallthinkthroughthesestepsinplentyoftime.TheFamilyCoachwillalsodebriefwithyouoncetheassignmentisover.

1.8 FrequentlyAskedQuestions Q1Whattypeofsituationswillfamiliesbeexperiencing?

Thefamilieswehelpwillbeexperiencingacrisisofonesortoranother.Thismaybeatime-specificperiodofneedsuchasahospitaladmission,aperiodofcounselingorrehabilitation,orjustabreak.However,itmaybethatabusebyaspouseorpartner,deteriorationinhealth,orconcernssuchasfinances,employmentorhousingneedtoberesolved.

Q2Howdoyoufindoutaboutfamiliesthatneedhelp?

Anygovernmentornon-profitagencycanreferaswellasparentsreferringthemselves.InpracticethismeansthatreferralsmaycomefromSocialWorkers,HomeVisitors,Schools,Physicians,Hospitals,DrugorAlcoholSupportAgencies,HomelessCentersorHousingSupport,Prisons,Police,Probation,Children’sServices,andVoluntaryAgencies.

Q3Howlongwilltheassignmentlast?

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Iftheassignmentisa‘classic’befriending,i.e.gettingalongsideaparenttohelpthemtogetthroughacrisisandgetbackontheirfeet,thenitislikelythatitwilllast6months.Manymaylastaslongasthehostingarrangementlasts.WehopeyourrelationshipwiththeparentwillcontinueeveniftheformalFamilyFriendassignmentends.

Q4WhatiftheparentandIhaveadisagreement?Differentpointsofviewarenatural.ItisimportantforFamilyFriendstostrivetounderstandtheparents/caregiversandnottoreactagainstideasthatmaynotbecommunicatedinthebestway.Remember:thisisafamilyincrisisandaparentmayfeelthreatenedortroubled.

Unlessitisclearlyagainstourpoliciesorvalues,everyeffortshouldbemadetoaccommodatetheparent/caregiver’spreferences.

Inthecaseofongoingconflictorfailuretoreachresolution,pleasecontactyourFamilyCoach.Q5TowhatextentcanIsharemyfaithwiththeparent?Yourfaithisprobablyaveryimportantaspectofyourlife,andislikelytohavebeenadriverinyourbecominginvolvedasavolunteer–i.e.thereisamatchbetweenthepersonalvaluesthatyouderivefromyourfaith,andthoseSFFCalsoholdswithastrongChristianethos.

Ouradviceregardingsharingfaithisdrawnfrom1Peter3:15:

“Alwaysbepreparedtogiveananswertoeveryonewhoasksyoutogivethereasonforthehopethatyouhave.Butdothiswithgentlenessandrespect.”

Itisclearthereforethatifaparentyouareworkingwithasksquestionsaboutyourfaiththenyoushouldfeelcomfortabletoreplyoryoumaybroachthetopicwiththeparent.Theimportantthingisthattheyarefreetochangethesubjectwhenevertheylike.

IfaparentinquiresaboutyourchurchandshowsaninterestincomingalongwithyouonaSundayitisabsolutelyfineandappropriate.

Volunteersoftenalsoaskwhethertheymayprayfor/withaparentthattheyarehelping.Againverysimilarprinciplesapply–useyourbestjudgmentgivenhowwellyouknowtheparent,theirdegreeofopennesstospirituality,andtotheappropriatenessofthecontext.Feelfreetooffer.