Family Friend Handbook Hybrid - New York City
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Family Friend Handbook Introduction Safe Families is a movement of the Church to care for the most vulnerable people group in our society, our vulnerable children and their families. The Church is commanded (Care for orphans and widows) and best equipped to meet this need. Additionally, the church has the most experience as it has been doing it throughout history (until foster care was created in the 19 th century). Safe Families is a vehicle to prevent child abuse and return the church back to the forefront of caring for children. 1.1 Brief Description Safe Families for Children hosts vulnerable children and creates extended family-like supports for desperate families through a community of compassionate volunteers motivated by their faith to keep children safe and ultimately together with their families. Founded in Chicago in 2003, Safe Families for Children (SFFC) is a multi-site volunteer movement that gives hope and support to families in distress. SFFC reframes how families are supported during a crisis. Parents voluntarily place their children in safe, loving homes where they are cared for while the parents seek to restore stability in their lives. Other families who are not in need of placement, partner with a Family Friend to help get on track. SFFC is dedicated to family support, stabilization and, most importantly, child abuse prevention. Facts • Screen and approve host families similar to foster care • Monitor children in host homes at the same frequency as foster care • Average stay in host homes 44 days • 69.62% 5 years old and below • Referral Sources: schools, homeless and domestic violence centers, substance abuse, hospitals, child welfare The cornerstone of Safe Families is hosting children before children are harmed and in need of foster care. That is what sets us apart from all other efforts to help struggling families. Host Families are the key to a relationship with the placing parent. However, host families and
Transcript of Family Friend Handbook Hybrid - New York City
FamilyFriendHandbook
IntroductionSafeFamiliesisamovementoftheChurchtocareforthemostvulnerablepeoplegroupinoursociety,ourvulnerablechildrenandtheirfamilies.TheChurchiscommanded(Carefororphansandwidows)andbestequippedtomeetthisneed.Additionally,thechurchhasthemostexperienceasithasbeendoingitthroughouthistory(untilfostercarewascreatedinthe19thcentury).SafeFamiliesisavehicletopreventchildabuseandreturnthechurchbacktotheforefrontofcaringforchildren.1.1 BriefDescriptionSafeFamiliesforChildrenhostsvulnerablechildrenandcreatesextendedfamily-likesupportsfordesperatefamiliesthroughacommunityofcompassionatevolunteersmotivatedbytheirfaithtokeepchildrensafeandultimatelytogetherwiththeirfamilies.FoundedinChicagoin2003,SafeFamiliesforChildren(SFFC)isamulti-sitevolunteermovementthatgiveshopeandsupporttofamiliesindistress.SFFCreframeshowfamiliesaresupportedduringacrisis.Parentsvoluntarilyplacetheirchildreninsafe,lovinghomeswheretheyarecaredforwhiletheparentsseektorestorestabilityintheirlives.Otherfamilieswhoarenotinneedofplacement,partnerwithaFamilyFriendtohelpgetontrack.SFFCisdedicatedtofamilysupport,stabilizationand,mostimportantly,childabuseprevention.Facts
• Screenandapprovehostfamiliessimilartofostercare• Monitorchildreninhosthomesatthesamefrequencyasfostercare• Averagestayinhosthomes44days• 69.62%5yearsoldandbelow• ReferralSources:schools,homelessanddomesticviolencecenters,substanceabuse,
hospitals,childwelfareThecornerstoneofSafeFamiliesishostingchildrenbeforechildrenareharmedandinneedoffostercare.Thatiswhatsetsusapartfromallothereffortstohelpstrugglingfamilies.HostFamiliesarethekeytoarelationshipwiththeplacingparent.However,hostfamiliesand
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parents(withorwithoutplacementoftheirchildren)oftenneedadditionalsupport.That’swhereFamilyFriendscomein.VolunteerRolesinSafeFamiliesThereareanumberofkeyvolunteerrolesinSafeFamilies
1. HostFamilies:Screenedandapprovedvolunteerswhotakeinchildrenfromparentsincrisis
2. FamilyFriends:VolunteerswhobefriendandsupportplacingparentsorcomealongsideHostFamiliesbyofferingbabysitting,meals,etc.
3. ResourceFriends:Volunteerswhodonateavarietyofitems(beds,clothes,etc.)tofamilies.
4. FamilyCoach:Avolunteer(occasionallyastaff)whovisitskidsintheHostFamilyhometomakesuretheyareadjustingwellandreachesouttoplacingparentstoensuretheyaregettingtheresourcestheyneedtogetontheirfeet.TheFamilyCoachisusuallythecoordinatorofactivities/services.
5. MinistryLead:AvolunteerwhocoordinatesandsupportsactivitiesofSafeFamiliesunderaSafeFamilyChurch.
6. SafeFamiliesPLUSMentors:Youthagingoutoffostercareandothersstrugglingwithtransitiontoadulthoodareconnectedwithmentorsandothervolunteerswillingtosupportthem(PLUS=ProvidingLastingUnconditionalSupport).
WhatParentsNeedAlthoughparentslookforhelpfromSafeFamiliesbecauseofspecificreasonssuchashomelessness,substanceabuse,etc.,theunderlyingreasonfornearlyallplacementsissocialisolation.Theylackthenecessarysupportsystemthatmanyofusnaturallyhavebecauseoffamilyrelationshipsorrelationshipswebuildwithinourchurchorcommunity.Unfortunately,manyparentshavenooneelsetoturntootherthanstrangerswhenthingsarenotgoingwell.Thereareanumberofreasonswhyparentsmightnothaveasolidsupportnetwork:
• Theparentsmaylackthenecessarysocialskillstodevelopandmaintainrelationships• Theparent’smentalhealthmaystandinthewayofdevelopinghealthyrelationships.
Depression,Bipolar,etc.oftenhaveaccompanyingrelationaldifficulties.• Manyrelationshipsdevelopbecausethereisanaturalgiveandtake.Someplacing
parentshaveneverlearnedordon’tfeeltheyhaveanythingtogive(lowself-esteem,self-centeredness),sotheyonlytake.Thoseparentswhogrewupinfostercareorlearnedveryearlythattheyhavetofightforthemselvesbecausetheirparentswerenotresponsibleoftencontinuethispatternintoadulthood.
• Manycommunitiesthatparentscomefrommightnotbeconducivetomutualsocialconnections.
• Manyparentshaveburnedoutrelationshipswithfamilyorfriendsbecauseofpastunhealthybehaviors.
Whateverthereason,mostparentsneedcaringpeoplewhoarewillingtobefriendthem.It’stheserelationshipsthathaveapowerfulopportunitytopreventchildabuseandcrisesinthefuture.ThecoreofSafeFamiliesisbecomingpartoftheparent’ssupportnetwork.IntheChristianworld,webelievewearecalledtoloveourneighborsandcarefortheleastofthese.Thisisbestdoneincommunity.It’sanexcitingmatchbetweentheChurch’scallandaparent’sgreatestchallenge.ThisiswhySafeFamiliesissoimportant.
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1.2 WhatisaFamilyFriend?Thereare2typesofFamilyFriendswithintheSafeFamilyMovement,FamilyFriendsforHostFamiliesandFamilyFriendsforparents.FamilyFriendsforHostFamiliesWhenchildrenareplacedwithaHostFamily,thefamilyoftenneedsadditionalsupporttoadequatelycareforthem.Thissupportmayinvolvesomeonedroppingoffmealstohelpwiththetransition,prayer,someonetotalkto,occasionalbreaks(respite)forafewhoursorovernight,helpwithtransportingthechildtoschoolorotheractivities,etc.TheFamilyCoach(whoworkswiththeHostFamily)maydeterminethattheHostneedsadditionalsupport.TheMinistryLeadatthechurchmayalsobeawareoftheneedforsupportfortheHostFamily.EithertheMinistryLeadortheFamilyCoachmayreachouttotheSafeFamilynetworkofFamilyFriendstoseewhomightbeavailabletohelptheHostFamilyincaringforthechildintheirhome.ChurchsmallgroupsmayalsoserveasFamilyFriendsandsurroundtheHostFamilyandthechildintheircarewithencouragement,prayer,andtangiblesupport(breaks,meals,transportation,providingthechildadditionalactivities).IftheFamilyFriendisgoingtohaveregularandunsupervisedcontactwiththechild,thatvolunteerneedstobevetted(completebackgroundchecks).FamilyFriendsforParentsTheFamilyFriendisatrustworthyandcaringindividual,willingtobefriendaparentwhoisfacingvariouschallenges;supportingandencouragingthembothpracticallyandemotionally;helpingthemtoenvisionandreachtowardsgoalsinlife.Theywillcomealongsideparentsinneed,supportingthemthroughtheircrisisbybefriending,coaching,mentoringandgenerallyofferingconsistentmoralsupportandasympatheticlisteningear.Theirgoalistojourneywiththeparentuntiltheirsituationhasbeguntonormalize,helpingthemtoestablishgoodparentingandasafehomeenvironmentfortheirownchildren.ItisimportanttonotethatFamilyFriendscanbeassignedtoparentswhohavetheirchildrenstayingwithaHostFamilyorwhohavetheirchildrenhomewiththem.PlacementinaHostFamilyisnotneededforaFamilyFriendtobeassigned.
Theremainderofthismanualisforthosesupportingparents.1.2.1 FamilyFriendroleandrequirements• Offeringfriendshipandsupporttoa
parentwhoisstruggling• Meetingthemonaregularbasis
(generallyweekly)eitherintheirhomeoratamutuallyconvenientlocation
• Beingcommittedtosupportingtheparentforthepre-agreedtimeframeoftheassignment
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• Listeningto,andtalkingabouttheissuesthattheyarefacing• Helpingtheparenttoenvisiongoalsthattheycanworktowards,whichmaysimplybesmall
manageablestepsintheirjourneyofovercomingwhateverchallengestheyarefacing• Ensuringthatthechildorchildrenareafrequenttopicofconversation,asameans
ofinformallycoachingandmentoringintheareaofparentingskills• ProvideregularupdatestotheSFFCFamilyCoachregardinghowtherelationshipisgoing• Documentinteractionsinthedatabase.ThismaylooklikealonglistbutpleasedokeepinmindthatSafeFamiliesforChildrenfunctionsasanetworkofvolunteerswitheveryoneofferingwhattheycan.Youareneveraloneasavolunteer–youwillalwayshaveaccesstoadviceandsupport.Importantpre-requisitesfortherole
• Reallifeexperienceasaparent,andperhapsgrandparent• Ifnotaparentthenabletodemonstrateexperienceofunderstandingfamilylife,parenting,
and/orchildrenandtheirneeds.• Friendly,welcomingpersonality,goodlistener,sensitivetotheparent’supsanddowns• WillingtobeconnectedtothecommunityofalocalchurchthathasagreedtosupportSFFC
volunteers• Willingto‘gotheextramile’andtoproblem-solvewhenunforeseensituationsarise• Happytoreceivesupervision,directionandconstructivefeedbackfromyourFamilyCoach• BeinfullagreementwiththevisionandvaluesofSafeFamiliesforChildren,whichhasa
clearethosofexpressingChristiancompassionandhospitalitytowardsthoseinneed.
1.2.2 UnpackingdifferentaspectsoftheFamilyFriendrole
MoralsupportManyoftheparentsthatSFFCassistslackself-confidenceandhavefeelingsoffailureorguilt.Askingforhelpisabigstepforthem.Theyneedtobeencouragedthataskingforhelpwhenitisneededisapositiveratherthannegativething–itisnotanadmissionoffailure.Yourinvolvementcanhelpthemtoseethattheycanofferahealthyhomefortheirchildrenbyaddressingcertainissueswiththerightsupport.Bitbybit,weekbyweekaFamilyFriendcanhelpthemtofindpurpose,makepositivechanges,buildontheirstrengths,andnotbecomediscouragedbyperceivedweaknesses.MentoringinparentingUltimatelytheFamilyFriendishelpingtheparenttoimprovetheoutcomesforthechild.Theparentoughttoknowthatthisistheaim,andshareit,beingencouragedinthevisionofprovidingahealthyhomeenvironmentfortheirchildren.TherolewillneedtobeundertakenwithgreatsensitivityandFamilyFriendsmustbecarefulnevertobejudgmentalorpatronizing.Caremustbetakentohelptheparenttobethebestparenttheycanbe,whichisnotthesameasthekindofparenttheFamilyFriendwouldbe.Focusingontheparent’sstrengthsandwhattheywantfortheirchildaswellashelpingthemfindwaystodealwithstressesandchallengesiskey.It’simportanttonotethatifachildisstayingwithaHostFamily,themostimportantrelationshipistheHostFamily/placingparentrelationship.BecausetheHostFamilyiscaringfor
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thechildwithoutreimbursementandisnotkeepingthechildpermanently,theyoftenhaveauniqueopportunitytoconnectwiththeplacingparent.However,insomesituations,thisconnectiondoesnotoccureasilyand/orothersmighthaveabetterchanceatconnecting.Manyplacingparentsmaybenefitfromhavinganumberofpeopletheycanreachouttoforsupport.HopeManyparentscometoSafeFamiliesnotwithonesingleproblem,butwithmultipleproblems.Ourjobisnottofixtheirproblems.ManyoftheproblemshavebeenlongstandingandcannotbecompletelyfixedduringtheirtimewithSafeFamilies.Our“job”istoobedientlysupportthem,toreachtheweakandfatherless.Ifwestepoutinobedienceintothemessinessoftheirstruggles,weallowGodtodotheworkthroughus,aswecareforandloveourneighbors.Wehaveanopportunitytocommunicatehope.1Corinthians13:13states,“Andnowthesethreeremain;faith,hope,andlovebutthegreatestoftheseislove.Bygivingtheparentamomenttobreatheandalleviatetheimmediatecrisis(whatdoIdowithmychild),webegintheprocessofgivingtheparenthopethattheirsituationcanbebetter.Interactionswiththeparentshouldbefilledwithloveandhope.Ifaparentcanbegintofeelasenseofhope,theycanleveragetheenergy,newrelations,andskillsnecessarytogetthingsontrack.BeingPositiveTheparentisfilledwithrelationshipsthatarenegative.Theyhearmessagesfromthemselvesorothersthattheyareafailure:“Theycan’tprovidefortheirchildren.”“Theycan’tkeepajob.”Thereismuchtruthinthestrugglestheyhave.However,theydohavetheabilitytoovercomemanyoftheirchallenges.ThatiswhyFamilyFriendsoftenactlikeacoach.Acoach’sjobistoinspire,motivate,instruct,andencourage.However,theyhavetodomuchofthework.Wemustlearnhowtohelpbepositiveinthemidstofmultipleproblemsandnegativity.Wemustlearntohelpaparentbreakdowntasksintodoableactivities.
Ultimately,werealizethatmanyoftheirchallengesneeddivineintervention.Wemustbewillingtotalkwiththeparentabouttheirspiritualconditionandhowtoimproveit,iftheywant.
AdvocacyAtaninformallevelaFamilyFriendcanhelpaparenttovoicetheiropinionsonmattersthataffectthemandareimportanttothem,forexampletoasocialworker.Recognizingthedifficultythatsomeparents/caregiverswillhaveinexpressingtheirconcernsandviewstoothersandofdoingsoinanappropriateway,theFamilyFriendcanfacilitatethiswell.
Daytimerespiteandbaby-sittingTherearecircumstanceswhenafamilybeingassistedbySFFCdoesnotneedfullovernighthostingfortheirchild,butdoesneeddaytimeoreveningcare.Examplesmightbewhenaloneparentneedstoattendaweeklygroup,suchasAA,orAlpha.TheFamilyFriendmaybewellplacedtooffersupportincaringforthechild,eitherintheirownhomeorinthechild’shome.
TransportOnoccasion,issuesoftransportarisethatcausepracticaldifficultiesforeithertheHostFamilyortheparents.Forexample,ifachildplacedwithaHostFamilycontinuestoattendaschoolthatisafewmilesawayfromtheHostFamilyhome.HelpintakingthechildrentoorfromschoolmaybecriticaltothestaywithaHostFamilyrunningsmoothly.Transporthelpmayalso
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berequiredtosupportcontactarrangementsforchildrenwiththeirparentsduringthetimeofastaywithaHostFamily.Parentsmayalsoneedhelpwithtransportationtoappointments,etc.
GoodEnoughParentingOurgoalistosupporttheparenttobe“goodenoughfortheirkids”.Wesupportparentsthroughacrisisorperiodoftimewhentheirsupportorexistingresourcesareinadequatetosafelyparenttheirchildrenorcareforthemselves.Strengtheningandsupportingtheparent’sprotectivefactorswillhelpthemdealwithsituationsthatmightbebeyondtheircontrol.Wewanttheparenttobe“goodenough.”Wehavetoguardagainsthavingtoohighexpectations.5ProtectiveFactorsResearchhasshownthatifparentsdevelop5protectivefactors,theycanbe“goodenough”fortheirchildrendespitehavingongoingchallenges.
1. Parentalresilience:Managingstressandfunctioningwellwhenfacedwithchallenges,adversityandtrauma.
2. Socialconnections:Positiverelationshipswithothersthatprovideemotional,informational,andspiritualsupport.
3. Knowledgeofparentingandchilddevelopment:Understandingchilddevelopmentandparentingstrategiesthatsupportthedevelopmentoftheirchildren.
4. Concretesupportintimesofneed:Accesstoconcretesupportandservicesthataddressafamily’sneedsandhelpminimizestresscausedbyunmetneeds.
5. Socialandemotionalcompetenceofchildren:Familyandchildinteractionsthathelpchildrendeveloptheabilitytocommunicateclearly,recognizeandregulatetheiremotionsandestablishandmaintainrelationships.
1.3 Supportforyou:TheFamilyCoachandthelocalchurchItisveryimportantthatinservingtheneedsofothersyoudonotneglectyourownneedforsupport.WewantyoutohavealongandfulfillinginvolvementwithSFFC,andthatwillmeanpacingyourselfandmakingthemostofthesupportthatisavailabletoyou.InpreparationforbeingaFamilyFriend,youmaywishtotellyourwiderfamily,friendsandneighborsaboutyourinvolvementwithSafeFamiliesforChildrensothattheycanprovideyouwithanysupportandencouragementyoumayneed.
1.3.1 YourallocatedFamilyCoach
YourprimarylinktoSFFCwillbethroughaFamilyCoach–amoreexperiencedvolunteerwithwhomyoumaytalkthingsthroughanddiscussanysituationsthatmightariseinthecourseofanassignment.Theyaretheretoofferguidanceandwillhelpyouworkwithinyourstrengthsandnottobecomeextendedbeyondyourlimits.
Beyondsupportingyouthroughthebefriendingassignment,theFamilyCoachwillreflectwithyouafterwards,askingabouthowitwent,andconsideringwhatmayhappennext.Whetheryoucontinuetohaveasupportingrelationshipwiththatfamilyinneed,preparetosupportanotherparentorneedtohaveabreakforawhile,theFamilyCoachwillbealongsideyouinthisprocessasmuchasishelpfultoyou.PleasenotethatyourFamilyCoachmaychangewhenyoutakeonanewassignmentwithanewfamily.
Respondingtoyourneeds
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TheFamilyCoachisyouradvocate.Youcanfeelfreetocontactthemwheneveryouneedhelpordirection.Ifthingsarenotgoingwell,itisimportantforyoutoletyourFamilyCoachknow.TheFamilyCoachisalsothefirstpersonyoushouldtrytocontactifyouhaveanyconcernsregardingchildreninthefamilythatyoucannotdiscussdirectlywiththeparentyouarehelping.
1.3.2 Supportfromyourlocalchurch
ItislikelythatyourchurchwillrecognizetheministryofSafeFamiliesforChildren.IfyouareunsurethenpleasecalltheSFFCofficeandasktospeaktooneofthestaff.Theywillbeabletoconfirmwhetherornottherehasbeencorrespondence/contactwiththechurch.Ifnot,SFFCwillbehappytocalltheminister/pastorforachat.IfyoudonotattendaSafeFamilyChurch,youwillbeassignedtoonesoyoucangetthesupportthatyouneedthroughothervolunteers.
1.3.3 Buildinginresttime
AsaFamilyFriendassignmentcomestoanend,youwillexperienceavarietyofemotions.Pleasemakesurethatyoubuildinthetimeyouneedtoworkthroughthese.De-briefingwithyourFamilyCoachfollowinganassignmentwillhelpwiththis,butmayonlybethestartofaprocessforyou.Eachperson’sprocessingwillbedifferentandyoumusttakethetimeyouneedbeforeacceptinganotherassignment.
1.3.4 InAccessingfurtherinformationandtraining
InyourroleasaFamilyFrienditisimportantthatyoufeelconfidentinhandlingthepotentialupsanddownsofinvolvementwithparentswhomayhavedifficultlives.Itshouldalsobeexpectedthatyouwilllearnfromexperiencetoo,asyoucompleteyourfirst,secondandthirdassignments,andsoon.ThedebriefingsessionsyouhavewithyourFamilyCoachwillhelptoaccelerateyourlearningcurve.
1.4 BeginningaFamilyFriendrelationship
1.4.1 HowwillIbeinformedofapotentialassignment?
Onceanewbefriending-relatedreferralhasbeenaccepted,theFamilyCoach,MinistryLead,orIntakeSpecialistwillbeginasearchforthebestpossibleFamilyFriendmatch.Ifyouarefoundtobeagoodmatch(intermsofgeography,availabilitypreferencesetc.),thenyouwillbecontactedbyemailortelephone.Ifchosen,youwillbegivenbiographicaldetailsaboutthefamily,afullerdescriptionoftheproblemthattheyarefacing,andageneralsenseofwhatwearehopingtoachievethroughthehelpgiven.Generallyaswiftyesornoresponsewillbeneeded.Sayingyestotheassignmentdoesnotmeanthatyouwillbeintroducedtothefamilylaterthatday!
• Atthetimeofacceptingtheassignment,orshortlyafterwards,youwillbegivendetailsofwhichFamilyCoachhassupervisoryresponsibility.
• FamilyCoachwillcallyoutoclarifyexpectationsaroundtimecommitments,anytransportissues,andalsoaddressanyquestionsorconcernsyoumighthave.
1.4.2 Beingintroducedtothefamilyinneed
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YouwillnormallybeintroducedtotheparentthatyouwillbebefriendingbyeithertheFamilyCoach,HostFamily,orIntakeSpecialist.Iftheassignmentisjudgedtobeverystraightforwardandlowriskthenyoumaybeaskedtoseethemonyourown.
• Inastraightforwardassignment,youwillemailorcallthereferredfamilytointroduceyourselfandsetupatimetomeetatanagreedlocation,whichmaybethehomeofthereferredfamily,oraneutralvenuesuchasalocalcafe.
• AmemberofstafffromtheSFFCofficemaygetinvolvedinhelpingwithcoordinatingarrangements.
• IftheFamilyCoachisatthemeeting,theycanhelptokick-starttheconversationbetweenyourselfandthereferredparent,sharingsomeoftheirownstoryandthenaskingyoubothtodothesame.
• BythetimetheintroductorymeetingisovereveryoneshouldbeclearabouttheexpectationsoftheFamilyFriendinvolvement.
1.4.3 TheadultsinthefamilyThefamilythatyouarebefriendingmayhaveanynumberofcombinationsofadultcaregivers,andyouwillhavebeengiveninformationspecifictothefamilythatyouwillbehelpingpriortoacceptingtheassignment.GenerallyaFamilyFriendhasafocusonhelpingoneparentinparticular,andmostcommonly,themother.However,inthecourseofyourgettingtoknowtheparticularparentthatyouarebefriendingyoumayalsomeettheirpartner,andotherfamilymemberstoo,suchastheirmother,father,sister,etc.Ideally,inordertobeabletotalktogetherfreelyyouwillneedsomeone-to-onetimewiththeparentthatyouaresupporting.Youmaybeaskedtohelptheparentinallsortsofpracticalways,butthemostimportantaspectofthetimeyouspendwiththemwillbethequalityoftheconversationsthatyouhavetogether.Belowaresomeguidelines:
Do’sandDont’sDo: Don’t:
Respecttheparentasauniqueindividual Bedogmaticaboutyourownreligiousorpoliticalopinions
Bepreparedtolistenandletthepersontalk Rushinwithjudgmentsandadvice
Focusontheiraspirationsasaparent Takesidesinfamilydisputes
Sensitivelyapproachknownchallengesthattheparentwantshelpwith
Presstheparenttotalkaboutthingsthattheyarenotyetreadytoaddress
Keeptosetdaysandtimesformeetings Administermedicationforthem
Giveadequatenoticeandexplanationifyouhavetocancelavisit
Liftormoveheavyobjectsintheirhome
InformtheFamilyCoachofanyconcernsorincidentssuchasharmfulbehaviorsordeterioratinghealth
Exchangeanymoneywiththeparent–eithergivingto,ortakingfrom
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1.4.4 ThechildreninthefamilyAspartofyourbefriendingassignment,theremayormaynotbeanopportunitytospendtimewiththechildren.Youwilleither:
• Seetheparentontheirownwithoutthekids(i.e.whentheyareatschool,orinbed)• Seetheparentwhenthekidsarearound(pre-schoolers,oratweekends)• Seethekidsasyourprimaryfocus,toenabletheparenttodosomethingimportant
(suchasattendacourseorclinic)
Itisimportantthatyourememberthatyouareofferingsupporttoaparentinorderthattheymightbebetterabletocarefortheirchild.Theremaybespecificelementsofsupportthattheparentneeds,suchashowtodealwithsomeelementofthechild’sbehavior.Youdonothavetobean‘expert’forthembutshouldbeopenaboutthelessonsyouhavelearntasaparent/caregiver,andthewayyoumanagedtoovercomeparentingchallengesyoufaced.Thiswillbevaluabletothemandwillenhancethebondbetweenyou.
Whencaringforchildren
• Considertheirneedsaccordingtotheirage,developmentstage,etc.Whatactivitieswillyoudo?Willyouneedtoprepareanyfood–ifsowhatcan/can’ttheyeat?Doyouhavealltheequipmentyouneed?Forexample,atinytoddlerwillrequireahighchairandachangingmat.Doyouhaveappropriatetoysavailableforthechild?
• IfyouarehavingthechildreninyourownhomeforthedaymakesureyouhavecompletedaSFFCHomeSafetychecklistwithastaffmember.
• Ifyouarelackinganythingpleaseask.SFFCisacommunitynetworkofsupportincludingresourcefriendswhoofferawiderangeofadditionalpracticalitems.
1.5 ManagingexpectationsandboundariesItisimportanttofindtherightbalanceintherelationalsupportyougive,sothatyoukeepwithinthelimitsofyourFamilyFriendroleresponsibility.Thefollowingaresomeguidelinesforappropriateboundariesintherole:
• Donotraiseunrealisticexpectations;onlyofferwhatyoureallycando.Agreetothepurposeofyourinvolvementandtailoryoursupportaccordingly.Insomecircumstances,veryfirmboundariesneedtobeinplace.
• Whetherornotyoushareyouraddressandpersonalphonenumberwiththeparentwillbesomethingthatvariescasebycaseandaccordingtohowtherelationshipdevelops.TherecommendationisthatyoudiscussthisquestionwiththeFamilyCoachearlyon.
• Pleasedonotgivetheparentmoneydirectly.Iftheydoneedspecificfinancialhelp,theremaybepossibilitiesavailabletohelpwiththisandtheFamilyCoachisthebestpersontocoordinatehowsuchsupportmaybegiven.ItisalsoappropriatetokeepindiscussionwiththeFamilyCoachregardingotherresource-supportthefamilyneedsandhowbesttohelp.Weneedtorememberthatitisimportantnottodisempowerparentsbytakingresponsibilityawayfromthem.
• Pleaserefrainfrombeingjudgmentalorcritical.Sincemanyofuswillprobablynothaveexperiencedthemultipledifficultiestheparentsareunder,itisdifficultforustounderstandthechallengesandbehaviorthatoftenarise.
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1.6 Goal-settingandjournalingAsaFamilyFriendsyoumaybeinvolvedinavarietyofwaysofsupportingstrugglingfamilies,someverysimpleandstraightforwardandothersmuchmorechallengingandinvolved.Oneunifyingthemeinallbefriendingsupportisthatthebefrienderandtheadultreceivingthesupportneedtobeclearaboutwhatsupportisbeinggiven,whatthegoalofprovidingthesupportis,andoverwhattimescalethesupportwillbemonitoredforeffectiveness.
Forexample:
Supporttobegiven
SFFCFamilyFriendwillvisitstrugglingsinglemotherwhohasa3yearold,a2yearoldanda3monthold.
Frequencyofsupport
Weekly,onWednesdaymorningsat10am
Durationofsupport
6monthsthenreview
Goalsofsupport • Encouragerelationshipsandbondinginthefamilyunit• Encouragehealthyfeedingandhygieneroutines• Helpmomgetouttotheparkwiththekids• Helpmomplanfor3yearoldstartinglocalschoolchildcarehalf
daysfromSeptember
1.6.1 UsingjournalingtorecordprogressbeingmadeSFFChasasectionwithinitsdatabaseforrecordingnotesaboutthefamilieswearehelping.Itisimportantthatyoumakeuseofthis.Abriefjournalnotefollowingameeting,evenifithasbeenprettyuneventful,isimportantforcontinuitypurposes.ThesenoteswillalsohelptheSFFCFamilyCoachandSupervisortobuildupapictureovertimeoftheimpactthesupportishaving.Theyhaveaccesstoallthenotescreatedbyeveryoneinvolvedinthefamilyandareabletorecognizepatternsdeveloping.ItwillbeyourjobtokeepyournotesuptodateandaccuratelyandfullyrecordyourinteractionswiththeHostFamily,child,ortheplacingparent.Whenyoulogin,yourassignmentwillbeonthehomescreenunder“MyAssignments”.Besuretomarkthenotewiththedateyoucalled/visited,notnecessarythedateyouwritethenote.Notesshouldbeenteredwithin24hoursofthecontact,orassoonaspossible.
Accessingthedatabasetomakenotes
• LogontotheSFFCDatabasetocreatenotes:http://sfcms.net• YouwillneedtousetheGoogleChromebrowser.SeetheDatabaseUserguideformore
detailedinstructions.• Whenloggedin,youwillfindanyfamilyyouareassignedtoin'MyActivity'.• Ifaccessingthedatabaseonlinecontinuestobeproblematic,dotalktoyourFamily
Coachaboutthepossibilityofarranginganalternativewayofrecordingyournotes.JournalingNotesPointsofContactthatneedtobedocumentedinthedatabasearethefollowing:
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• Anyphonecalls,texts,oremailsinwhichtheassignmentisdiscussedandpertinentinformationisexchanged.
• Communityandministryreferralsthatyoumake.• Makeanoteifthechildsharesconcerninginformationoriftheparentorchildexhibits
inappropriatebehaviororbehaviorthatcouldputthechildatrisk.• Besuretonoteanyeffortsmadetocall,text,oremail,evenifunsuccessful.
GeneralGuidelines
• Sharewhatyouseewithyoureyesandhearwithyourears;avoidopinionorpersonaljudgment.
• Keepitsimple.• Keepinmindwhowillbereadingthesenotes:Intakestaff,yourFamilyCoach,orFamily
CoachSupervisor.• YournotesmayrequiretheFamilyCoachorFamilyCoachSupervisor’sapproval.• Pleaseshareweeklyoratleastmonthlyhowmanyhoursyouhavespentvolunteering.
Includetimespentwithparentdirectly,timeresearchingresourcesforfamily,timespentinsupervisionwithyourFamilyCoachorFamilyCoachSupervisor,etc.
1.7 Endinginvolvementwell Howyoudrawabefriendingarrangementtoaconclusionwillverymuchdependonthenature,theintensityandthelengthoftheinvolvementyouhavehadwiththeparent.
Asendingapproaches,giveconsiderationtothefollowing:
• Theextenttowhichtheoriginalgoalsoftheinvolvementhavebeenachieved • Waysinwhichthefamilyhasgainedfreshconfidenceandstability,practicallyand
emotionally,andhowthiswillbemaintainedwhenthesupportiswithdrawn • Berealisticaboutthefuture,forexamplehowmuchongoingcontactislikely.
Note:itispossiblethatyourrelationshipwithafamilydoesnotcompletelyendbutrathertransitionssothatyoucontinuetobefriendswithanaturaltwo-wayrelationship.YourFamilyCoachisavailabletohelpyouallthinkthroughthesestepsinplentyoftime.TheFamilyCoachwillalsodebriefwithyouoncetheassignmentisover.
1.8 FrequentlyAskedQuestions Q1Whattypeofsituationswillfamiliesbeexperiencing?
Thefamilieswehelpwillbeexperiencingacrisisofonesortoranother.Thismaybeatime-specificperiodofneedsuchasahospitaladmission,aperiodofcounselingorrehabilitation,orjustabreak.However,itmaybethatabusebyaspouseorpartner,deteriorationinhealth,orconcernssuchasfinances,employmentorhousingneedtoberesolved.
Q2Howdoyoufindoutaboutfamiliesthatneedhelp?
Anygovernmentornon-profitagencycanreferaswellasparentsreferringthemselves.InpracticethismeansthatreferralsmaycomefromSocialWorkers,HomeVisitors,Schools,Physicians,Hospitals,DrugorAlcoholSupportAgencies,HomelessCentersorHousingSupport,Prisons,Police,Probation,Children’sServices,andVoluntaryAgencies.
Q3Howlongwilltheassignmentlast?
12
Iftheassignmentisa‘classic’befriending,i.e.gettingalongsideaparenttohelpthemtogetthroughacrisisandgetbackontheirfeet,thenitislikelythatitwilllast6months.Manymaylastaslongasthehostingarrangementlasts.WehopeyourrelationshipwiththeparentwillcontinueeveniftheformalFamilyFriendassignmentends.
Q4WhatiftheparentandIhaveadisagreement?Differentpointsofviewarenatural.ItisimportantforFamilyFriendstostrivetounderstandtheparents/caregiversandnottoreactagainstideasthatmaynotbecommunicatedinthebestway.Remember:thisisafamilyincrisisandaparentmayfeelthreatenedortroubled.
Unlessitisclearlyagainstourpoliciesorvalues,everyeffortshouldbemadetoaccommodatetheparent/caregiver’spreferences.
Inthecaseofongoingconflictorfailuretoreachresolution,pleasecontactyourFamilyCoach.Q5TowhatextentcanIsharemyfaithwiththeparent?Yourfaithisprobablyaveryimportantaspectofyourlife,andislikelytohavebeenadriverinyourbecominginvolvedasavolunteer–i.e.thereisamatchbetweenthepersonalvaluesthatyouderivefromyourfaith,andthoseSFFCalsoholdswithastrongChristianethos.
Ouradviceregardingsharingfaithisdrawnfrom1Peter3:15:
“Alwaysbepreparedtogiveananswertoeveryonewhoasksyoutogivethereasonforthehopethatyouhave.Butdothiswithgentlenessandrespect.”
Itisclearthereforethatifaparentyouareworkingwithasksquestionsaboutyourfaiththenyoushouldfeelcomfortabletoreplyoryoumaybroachthetopicwiththeparent.Theimportantthingisthattheyarefreetochangethesubjectwhenevertheylike.
IfaparentinquiresaboutyourchurchandshowsaninterestincomingalongwithyouonaSundayitisabsolutelyfineandappropriate.
Volunteersoftenalsoaskwhethertheymayprayfor/withaparentthattheyarehelping.Againverysimilarprinciplesapply–useyourbestjudgmentgivenhowwellyouknowtheparent,theirdegreeofopennesstospirituality,andtotheappropriatenessofthecontext.Feelfreetooffer.
