Choices in Relationships
Chapter Four: Hanging Out, Pairing Off and Cohabitation
Functions of Hanging Out in the United States
1. Confirmation of a Social Self
2. Recreation
3. Companionship/Intimacy/Sex
Functions of Hanging Out in the United States
4. Anticipatory Socialization
5. Status Achievement
6. Mate Selection
Meeting a New Partner
• While people often meet through friends or on their own through school, work, or recreation contexts, an increasing number are open to a range of alternatives such as personal ads in magazines or on the Internet.
Meeting a New Partner
• Personal Ads in Magazines and Newspapers– Some magazines feature ads marketed to a
particular group of singles.
• The Internet—Meeting Online– There are over two hundred Web sites
designed for meeting a new partner.
Meeting a New Partner
• Video Chatting– Video chatting moves beyond the traditional
Internet–typing –of words to each other and allows the partners to see each other while chatting online.
• Video Dating Service– This is an agency that interviews you on
videotape and lets others watch your tape in exchange for your watching videotapes already on file.
Meeting a New Partner
• Innovations in Dating—Speed Dating– Dating innovations that involve the concept of
speed include the eight-minute minute date.
Should I Get Involved in a Long-Distance Dating Relationship?Here are some issues to consider in making a long-distance dating relationship manageable and keeping the relationship together:
1. Maintain daily contact.2. Enjoy/use the time when apart.3. Avoid conflictual phone conversations.4. Stay monogamous.
Dating after Divorce
• Differences between the single-again population and those becoming involved for the first time:
1. Older population2. Fewer potential partners3. Increased HIV risk4. Children5. Ex-spouse issues6. Brief courtship
Cultural and Historical Background of Dating
• Traditional Chinese “Dating” Norms– In traditional China, blind marriages, wherein
the bride and groom were prevented from seeing each other for the first time until their wedding day, were the norm.
• Dating during the Puritan Era in the United States– Bundling, also called tarrying, was a
courtship custom commonly practiced among the Puritans.
Cultural and Historical Background of Dating
• Effects of the Industrial Revolution on Dating– Commercial industries had developed to
provide many services, and women transferred their activities in these areas from the home to the factory.
– The result was that women had more frequent contact with men.
Cultural and Historical Background of Dating
• Changes in Dating in the Last Fifty Years– The changes include an increase in the age at
marriage, which has been accompanied by each person’s having a longer period of time during which he or she becomes involved with more people.
Cohabitation
• Cohabitation, also known as living together, is becoming a “normative life experience” , with almost 60 percent of U.S. women who married in the 1990s reporting that they had cohabited before marriage.
Cohabitation
90
60
12
0
20
40
60
80
100
Percent of First Marriages Preceeded by Cohabitation
Sweden United States Italy
Cohabitation
1. Here and Now
2. Testers
3. Engaged
4. Money Savers
5. Pension partners
6. Security blanket cohabiters
7. Rebellious cohabiters
8. Marriage never
Eight Types of Cohabitation Relationships:
Cohabitation
• Social Policy: Domestic Partnerships– Domestic partnerships refer to two adults
who have chosen to share each other’s lives in an intimate and committed relationship of mutual caring.
– California leads the way in domestic partner benefits, with the law providing rights and responsibilities in areas as varied as child custody, legal claims, housing protections, bereavement leave, and state government benefits.
Cohabitation
Advantages
1. Sense of well-being
2. Delayed marriage
3. Learning about self and partner
Disadvantages
1. Feeling used or tricked
2. Problems with parents
3. Economic disadvantages
4. Effects on children
Consequences of Cohabitation
Cohabitation
• Legal Aspects of Living Together
– Common-Law Marriage
– Palimony
– Child Support
– Child Inheritance
Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship
Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship
Considerations in Ending a Relationship1. Is there any desire/hope to revive and
improve the relationship?
2. Acknowledge and accept that terminating a relationship may be painful for both partners.
3. Blame yourself for the end.
Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship
Considerations in Ending a Relationship
4. Cut off the relationship completely.
5. Learn from the terminated relationship.
6. Allow time to grieve over the end of the relationship.
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