Choices in Relationships

Chapter Four: Hanging Out, Pairing Off and Cohabitation

Functions of Hanging Out in the United States

1. Confirmation of a Social Self

2. Recreation

3. Companionship/Intimacy/Sex

Functions of Hanging Out in the United States

4. Anticipatory Socialization

5. Status Achievement

6. Mate Selection

Meeting a New Partner

• While people often meet through friends or on their own through school, work, or recreation contexts, an increasing number are open to a range of alternatives such as personal ads in magazines or on the Internet.

Meeting a New Partner

• Personal Ads in Magazines and Newspapers– Some magazines feature ads marketed to a

particular group of singles.

• The Internet—Meeting Online– There are over two hundred Web sites

designed for meeting a new partner.

Meeting a New Partner

• Video Chatting– Video chatting moves beyond the traditional

Internet–typing –of words to each other and allows the partners to see each other while chatting online.

• Video Dating Service– This is an agency that interviews you on

videotape and lets others watch your tape in exchange for your watching videotapes already on file.

Meeting a New Partner

• Innovations in Dating—Speed Dating– Dating innovations that involve the concept of

speed include the eight-minute minute date.

Should I Get Involved in a Long-Distance Dating Relationship?Here are some issues to consider in making a long-distance dating relationship manageable and keeping the relationship together:

1. Maintain daily contact.2. Enjoy/use the time when apart.3. Avoid conflictual phone conversations.4. Stay monogamous.

Dating after Divorce

• Differences between the single-again population and those becoming involved for the first time:

1. Older population2. Fewer potential partners3. Increased HIV risk4. Children5. Ex-spouse issues6. Brief courtship

Cultural and Historical Background of Dating

• Traditional Chinese “Dating” Norms– In traditional China, blind marriages, wherein

the bride and groom were prevented from seeing each other for the first time until their wedding day, were the norm.

• Dating during the Puritan Era in the United States– Bundling, also called tarrying, was a

courtship custom commonly practiced among the Puritans.

Cultural and Historical Background of Dating

• Effects of the Industrial Revolution on Dating– Commercial industries had developed to

provide many services, and women transferred their activities in these areas from the home to the factory.

– The result was that women had more frequent contact with men.

Cultural and Historical Background of Dating

• Changes in Dating in the Last Fifty Years– The changes include an increase in the age at

marriage, which has been accompanied by each person’s having a longer period of time during which he or she becomes involved with more people.

Cohabitation

• Cohabitation, also known as living together, is becoming a “normative life experience” , with almost 60 percent of U.S. women who married in the 1990s reporting that they had cohabited before marriage.

Cohabitation

90

60

12

0

20

40

60

80

100

Percent of First Marriages Preceeded by Cohabitation

Sweden United States Italy

Cohabitation

1. Here and Now

2. Testers

3. Engaged

4. Money Savers

5. Pension partners

6. Security blanket cohabiters

7. Rebellious cohabiters

8. Marriage never

Eight Types of Cohabitation Relationships:

Cohabitation

• Social Policy: Domestic Partnerships– Domestic partnerships refer to two adults

who have chosen to share each other’s lives in an intimate and committed relationship of mutual caring.

– California leads the way in domestic partner benefits, with the law providing rights and responsibilities in areas as varied as child custody, legal claims, housing protections, bereavement leave, and state government benefits.

Cohabitation

Advantages

1. Sense of well-being

2. Delayed marriage

3. Learning about self and partner

Disadvantages

1. Feeling used or tricked

2. Problems with parents

3. Economic disadvantages

4. Effects on children

Consequences of Cohabitation

Cohabitation

• Legal Aspects of Living Together

– Common-Law Marriage

– Palimony

– Child Support

– Child Inheritance

Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship

Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship

Considerations in Ending a Relationship1. Is there any desire/hope to revive and

improve the relationship?

2. Acknowledge and accept that terminating a relationship may be painful for both partners.

3. Blame yourself for the end.

Ending an Unsatisfactory Relationship

Considerations in Ending a Relationship

4. Cut off the relationship completely.

5. Learn from the terminated relationship.

6. Allow time to grieve over the end of the relationship.