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By email to all members of Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club and some members of Foothill Highlands RotaryClub USA, Tappahannock Rotary Club USA, also Rotary Club Members in Australia, Indore and Bhopal

India and special supporters elsewhere

Secretary; P.P.John Fisher

The Rotary Club of Swindon PhoenixDistrict 1100 England

Weekly bulle�n

The Birdy’

ImmediatePast PresidentGeoff Beale

Issue number 245Volume number 5

Number 44 of this Rotary Year(Excluding special issues)

Next weeks host is

Rotarian Tim Swinyard

Sub Editor 2; PP Peter(Grumpy) Newson PHF

PresidentNicole Price

President ElectNigel Causton

Club TreasurerPP David Coe

Sub Editor; PP Paul(Scoop) Parfrey PHF

Sub editor 3; Rtn Chris(Super Scribe) Sims

Swindon Phoenix Rotary ClubHonoured Recipient;

2016 Pride of SwindonTeam Award

Editor; PP PeterGoldsworthy(Golds) PHF Sapphire

Rotarian Elliott Causton

President Nicole was away on holiday, so President Elect Nigel Causton wasin the Hot Seat, closely guarded by his lovely wife (my Mum) Julie.The Meal was a Leek & potato soup (which was as hot as the sun when itfirst came out!) Starter, with Sweet and Sour Pork, Fried Rice and Bok Choior Roasted Root Vegetable Tart Tatin, Mash and Salad for the Main

President Elect Nigel asked host Elliott to say grace, Elliott politely declinedand said no! Elliott then said ‘that as his guest is very experienced in sayinggraces he has asked him’, so Elliott’s guest then stood up and gave a lovelygrace.

This week’s meeting was all about ‘Family history’! Host Elliott Caustonasked his Uncle Martin Sweet to be the guest speaker. Martin has spent over28 years researching and finding out about the family history on his side ofthe family and also his wife Jenny’s (Elliott’s auntie) side of the family.

Martin was able to go back 8 generations on his side of the family to the year1750, however (and this is where it really gets exciting) on Elliott’s side ofthe family he was able to go back 80 generations to the year 345BC!!! Martinconfirmed that he could potentially go back further but the evidence is tooweak for him to be sure, Martin also confirmed that throughout the researchhe made sure that he confirmed and re-confirmed with at least 2 documentsstating that the link was clearly there!Martin then went on to show the club some significant landmarks withinElliott’s family history, he explained that Charles Tuppen was a championhorn blower to the king in 1905-1915 and also that the BBC had a programmewhich looked at parts of his life. He also showed us that 40 generations fromElliott lived King Charlemagne, king of the franks, someone who wasextremely famous for uniting modern Europe in 742 – 814. Martin thenexplained to the club that 51 generations ago Elliott had a lovely relationcalled Attila the Hun! (395 – 453).The club was shocked of the relation and after the presentation Elliottdemanded that the club call him ‘Elliott the Hun’ and that they should fearhim!!! : )

Martin went on to explain that Elliott has at least English, Welsh, French,German, Italian, Hungarian, Polish, Russian, Mongolian and Chineseancestry, and when others look into their family history they will see a hugediversification of ethnicity. Martin also spoke about the fact that everyoneis unique but the same, despite there being over 7 billion people on Earthand many more in the past and the future you are unique – no one has, hashad or ever will have the same DNA as you (even an identical twin!). Eventhough you are unique you still have over 99.5% identical DNA to any otherhuman being.

Martin finished the presentation with taking questions from the club andspoke about how others could find out about their family history, using themethods he has used over the many many years which he has beencompleting this incredible challenge!

Host Elliott Causton stood up and thanked Martin for the wonderful speech

Club Night Host Report - Wednesday 19th April

Rotarians Returning from Hols

This Week we were honoured with 3 Rotarians who had been away (apart from LynneHarper who is always on holiday….even more than Ed Golds!!) On Holiday, GeoffBeale, Phil Pett and Chris Sims.

TEAM Entries are needed to keep this event afloat………

If you know of any possible teams that are being worked on then we need to know withimmediate affect to be able to understand how many Teams we may have on the day,otherwise the event is at Risk of being cancelled due to a low take up of interest this yearfor some reason.………….!!!More details on the event can be found at our dedicated event website

www.swindondragonboat.org.uk

What a Success!!!!Peter Goldsworthy (retired Editor!!) Has been busy and getting stressedabout this year’s Know Your Blood Pressure (KYBP) day in collaborationwith the Stroke Association and what a success. Well done to Peter (akaGolds) for yet another great day for Phoenix. The turnout of PhoenixRotarians and partners was fantastic, and the volume of general publicthat came through the door broke our all time record. Final numbers areto be confirmed, but at the moment it is estimated to be in excess of 300,because we used 5 pads of 50 registration sheets and had to get a further70 photocopied by the Brunel Centre Management for whom we are mostgrateful for all their support. Also a huge thanks go our to all the nurseswho gave up their time on a Saturday to help us.

From a Recon Marine in Afghanistan :"From the Sand Pit"...

It's freezing here. I'm sitting on hard cold dirt between rocks and shrubs at the base of the Hindu Kush Mountains, along theDar'yoi Pamir River, watching a hole that leads to a tunnel that leads to a cave. Stake out, my friend, and no pizza delivery forthousands of miles.

I also glance at the area around my ass every ten to fifteen seconds to avoid another scorpion sting. I've actually given up battlingthe chiggers and sand fleas, but the scorpions give a jolt like a cattle prod. Hurts like a bastard. The antidote tastes liketransmission fluid, but God bless the Marine Corps for the five vials of it in my pack.The one truth the Taliban cannot escape is that, believe it or not, they are human beings, which means they have to eat food anddrink water. That requires couriers and that's where an old bounty hunter like me comes in handy.

I track the couriers, locate the tunnel entrances and storage facilities, type the info into the hand held, and shoot the coordinates upto the satellite link that tells the air commanders where to drop the hardware. We bash some heads for a while, and then I trackand record the new movement. It's all about intelligence. We haven't even brought in the snipers yet. These scurrying rats have noidea what they're in for. We are but days away from cutting off supply lines and allowing the eradication to begin.But you know me; I'm a romantic. I've said it before and I'll say it again: This country blows, man. It's not even a country. Thereare no roads, there's no infrastructure, there's no government.

This is an inhospitable, rock-pit shit-hole ruled by eleventh century warring tribes. There are no jobs here like we know jobs.Afghanistan offers only two ways for a man to support his family, join the opium trade or join the army. That's it. Those are youroptions. Oh, I forgot, you can also live in a refugee camp and eat plum-sweetened, crushed beetle paste and squirt mud like agoose with stomach flu, if that's your idea of a party. But the smell alone of those 'tent cities of the walking dead' is enough tohurl you into the poppy fields to cheerfully scrape bulbs for eighteen hours a day.

I've been living with these Tajiks and Uzbeks, and Turkmen and even a couple of Pashtu's, for over a month-and-a-half now, andthis much I can say for sure: These guys, are Huns, actual, living Huns. They LIVE to fight. It's what they do. It's ALL they do.They have no respect for anything; not for themselves, their families, or for each other. They claw at one another as a way of life.They play polo with dead calves and force their five-year-old sons into human cockfights to defend the family honor. Just Huns,roaming packs of savage, heartless beasts who feed on each other's barbarism. Cavemen with AK-47's. Then again, maybe I'mjust a cranky young bastard.

I'm freezing my ass off on this stupid hill because my lap warmer is running out of juice, and I can't recharge it until the suncomes up in a few hours. Oh yeah! You like to write letters, right? Do me a favor, Bizarre. Write a letter to CNN and tell Wolfand Anderson and that awful, sneering, pompous Aaron Brown to stop calling the Taliban "smart". They are not smart. I suggestCNN invest in a dictionary because the word they are looking for is "cunning". The Taliban are cunning, like jackals, hyenas, andwolverines. They are sneaky and ruthless, and when confronted, they are cowardly. They are hateful, malevolent parasites whocreate nothing and destroy everything else.

Smart? Bullshit! Yeah, they're real smart, Most can’t read, but they've spent their entire lives listening to Imams telling themabout only one book (and not a very good one, as books go). They consider hygiene and indoor plumbing to be products of thedevil. They're still trying to figuring out how to work a Bic lighter. Talking to a Taliban warrior about improving his quality oflife is like trying to teach an ape how to hold a pen. Eventually he just gets frustrated and sticks you in the eye with it.

OK, enough. Snuffle will be up soon, so I have to get back to my hole. Covering my tracks in the snow takes a lot of practice, butI'm good at it.

Please, I tell you and my fellow Americans to turn off the TV sets and move on with your lives. The story line you are gettingfrom CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC and other liberal news agencies is utter bullshit and designed not to deliver truth but rather to keepyou glued to the screen so you will watch the next commercial. We've got this one under control. The worst thing you guys cando right now is sit around analyzing what we're doing over here. You have no idea what we're doing, and you really don't want toknow. We are your military, and we are only doing what you sent us here to do.

From a Jack Recon Marine in Afghanistan , Semper Fi."Freedom is not free, but the U.S. Marine Corps is paying most of your share".Send this to YOUR FRIENDS so that people there will really know what is going on over here.God Bless America .

PS - Why would any civilized countrywant to bring these barbariansinto their cities or states.To do so is total suicidal insanity!

Questions and Answers fromAARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 findyounger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, underFiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is goingthrough menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you canfinish the basement. When you're done, you will

have a place tolive.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause ismentioned in the bible... Is that true?

Where can it befound?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:"And Mary rode

Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt...."

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of yourover-70 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you'repregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of theelderly wrinkles?A: Take off your

glasses.Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet

and all those wrinkles on my face?A: Go braless. It will usually pull them

out..Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet

parking?A: Valets don't forget where they park your

car.Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to haveproblems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving itis the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?A: Yes, but usually in the

afternoon.Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye

glasses?A: On theirforeheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus

year olds when they enter antique stores?A: "Gosh, I remember

these!"SMILE,

You've still got your sense ofhumour, haven't you?

COMING EVENTS

13th to 19th MayBarge Week on the Kennet &Avon Canal

25�� JuneSwindon Dragon Boat RacingEvent - Coate Water CountryPark, Swindon

Other items are in the planning &Will be added as & when this listIs not exhaustive!r

The Object of Rotary is to encourage and foster the ideal ofService as a basis of worthy enterprise and, in par�cular, toEncourage and foster:

1)The development of acquaintance as an opportunity forservice;

2) High ethical standards in business and professions, theRecogni�on of the worthiness of all useful occupa�ons, andThe dignifying of each Rotarian’s occupa�on as an opportunity

to serve society;

3) The applica�on of the ideal of service in each Rotarian’spersonal, business, and community life;

4) The advancement of interna�onal understanding, goodwill,and peace through a world fellowship of business and profes‐-sional persons united in the ideal of service.

That’s all Folks !- but remember,we are a

Rotary Club of the 21st Century

Find more information on Swindon Phoenix Rotary on your pc;

Just control + click on these hyper links below

swindonphoenixrotary.org.uk

Previous bulletins thephoenixbulletin.weebly.com

Our Santa Run swindonsanta.org.uk

Dragon Boat Event www.dragonboatswindon.org.uk

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On twitter https://twitter.com

Swindon Phoenix Rotary ClubPride of SwindonAward 2016