The Story of Bean [C. de Fabae]

If the dates on the pictures are correct? Our little buddy came into our lives in March of 2003, at the ripe old age of 6 weeks, born January 19. He was a gift from Demtcho, a native Armenian and friend of papa Greg and mama Chel’s. We worked with Demtcho at Herman Miller Inc. The little buddy is the half-breed child of a Chihuahua and a Jack Russell Terrier, A Jack-U-Wah if you will. He has 2 brothers and 2 sisters out there some-where?

Ryan and Megan were smitten by the little guy right away, and him, them.

The kids Unkie-Joe was over to meet the little guy and threw down a pencil to give reference of his unique stature. Megan said he looked like a beanie baby.I said, “Well he is half Mexican, they have Jumping beans and he is half English and we love their Mr.

Bean . As in “Chip Chip Cheeri-o O’ Bean” So, I made an executive decision. He BE the kids companion, he should BE named to honor them. MegAN, RyAN, BEAN.

Better I think than BEAST.

A star is born. Maybe, more of a little ankle biting Terrier-ist. Just sayin.

The Montgomery clan motto is "Garde bien" which means "Watch well". And that I does. A woo woo woo woo

Not just your everyday “Garden Bean” variety needer.

Can You Identify the Bean?bean /biːn/ noun (I am no noun, an adjective paws - maybe).

Whimsy: Little Lord Hairius De Beanius Von Meanius the Terriorus

Roman: Hairius De Beanius (in Latin, meaning I is Bean, I is hairy)

Christian: Beano Von Dogle

Classic: Little Harry Beanus

His Little Lordship: the Beanus (again, I is Bean)

Given Name: Bean

Beanatu: Egyptian Formal / Royal

Beanatat: Egyptian Casual

Bean-a-Toot: Oh! Excuse Me

French: LaBean or, l'haricot -- the Hairy Bean

Beaner: what Mexican’s call half Mexican’s

Dad jokes that I am of the Woo Clan...My street Creed is ‘SPILL’ as in Spill the Beans and rival Squirrel packs call me “Half Baked.”

My loved ones, just say -- Cool Beans

My dad says, Crazy Ass White Boy.

Bean is a winker and our little buddy, “Buddy Winkle”

Fur-Beener, a new plant in my Momma’s flower garden named for you know who, to pee on; keep that on the down low. That flower mocks me. It knows I am sensitive, that

I have been deflowered and I will pee on it.

Beans new Bark-a-Lounger Bean as seen in Japanese character

(If you look closely at the Japanese Character above right, it looks like Beans face at rest)

Beans Motto: Rip – Shred – Gut – Tear – Debone - - Murder – Death - Kill

Songs for and about the Bean:

Children’s nursery rhyme

B-E-A-N-O B-E-A-N-O B-E-A-N-O

and BEANO IS HIS NAME O

Bean Anthem

I don’t know what you’ve heard about the BeanI’m just a little itty-bitty teeny tiny hairy white buddy

I hain’t ever even bit anybodyI do my best when you give me a T-R-E-A-T

I don’t know what you’ve heard about the Bean

My Peeps

‘That’s me in the middle’

Bean’s Vocab

Bean Runner …………… a B-line running across the yard acting like a fence but not.

Carabeaner ……………….. a hook and line that connects the Bean to the runner.

Caribbean ………………… a lap dog, a car ride, or to tote a Bean that can otherwise walk.

Beanspace Page………….. http://www.myspace.com/beanovondogle

January 6 …………………..National Bean Day…….Beanie say, the Prez better recognize.

BEanWILDERMENTS (Beans Wild Moments)

1. Me and Dad coming in from our nightly constitutional, he say, Big G Cheese and little Home Slice are in da house.

2. Bean. Mom says, take Daddy his slippers. He just looks at her, as if, and I quote, “What do I look like a Retriever? I’m a Jackuah.” pronounced: [Jack-u-wah] as in, half Jack Russell Terrier and half Chihuahua - HELLO.

3. Mom and I are taking a nap in her bed, and Dad calls, he’s on his way home from work. He say’s to Mom, put that dog on the phone. I say, WOOF. He say, move over little dog, big dogs coming home.

4. A dog’s life - - someone to feed you, to walk you, to take you to the bathroom. A life, my Dad says, he will have to wait another thirty years to enjoy.

5. Motion sickness: My daddy says he had a dog before me, that would chase after a car and bite the tires and it would roll him. What would a dog do if he was to catch it I ponder? I chase a guy on a bicycle for ten feet and have to stop and throw up from motion sickness.

6. Twice this year my parents left for 5 days each time, traveling hundreds of miles and they came home empty handed. Why I can just go outside the door and scrounge up a squirrel. Them, nothing. Great white hunters my arse.

7. Help me! My sister Megan wants a pig. Can you see me with a pig? I can hear the cruel and inhumane jokes now. Hey! Here come Pork-n-Beans.

8. For years, Bean, (that’s me) had been choking and hacking, then by accident my Mom discovered I am allergic to chicken. We stopped the chicken and I stopped the choking. My Dad says, there should be a joke in here somewhere.

9. I likes to eat my Bean food one morsel at a time. I creeps up on my bowl like a cat and snatch ones up, jump back and enjoy it. Dad calls me a Bean Counter.

10. I want my Dad to get me a PETA “T” I will call it Petrrrrrr and it will read, “I will go nekkid and wear my furrrrrr.”

11.Mess with the Bean and u fight the whole Enchilada, u know what I’m saying?

12.Dad gives me a bath and says, It’s your reputation that should proceed you, not your stank. Lathering me in manners I feel are most inappropriate. All the while he’s going on about, gotta make him pretty for da bitches – YEAH! What is wrong with that man?

13.Through simple Whimpering, Woofing, Wagging and Winking, my peeps have learned and enjoyed Loyalty, Sacrifice and Service. “Bean the Dog Scout.”

14.Bean is well rounded companion; snuggle buddy, neighborhood watch, commentator and dish washer, you can put those dishes right back into the cabinet.

15.Bean can work a tennis ball like a real pro, dribbling between all four legs simultaneously, a real Bean Barkly.

16.Bean asks, why is bestiality a four letter word? I am a beast - chocked full of personality. Is Bean a four letter word? I reassured him NO! a little white lie.

17.Megan was eating her dinner at the table and spilled some peas on the floor. Bean runs over and screams, Mom, Megan’s peaing on the floor.

18.Megan was filming her Beanie, she said you’re going viral Beanie. Bean says, No! Remember that time I went viral? It was horrible; all my fur fell out of my backside.

19.How did we go from this.. To this?

Nipper

I mean just look at the shit my Mom made we wear. Bean

20. If I told that boy once, I’ve told him a hundred times, you lay down with dogs you wake up with fleas. A couple kerosene [sic] baths later, no more Bugs Beany.

21.Momma says, “I was such a good boy today, I deserve two treats.” I said, “I confur.”

22.Tomorrow’s Father’s day and Bean could not wait to show the card he got for me. It say’s From Bean, Who’s a good Dad? You are! Yes, you are! Oh, look at him… He’s such a good Dad! Yes, he is! Happy Father’s Day to the guy who always makes me feel so good. Ruff! Ruff! Beano! I love my Daddy!

23. I said to Bean, “is your Mom still taking a cat nap?” He looked at me and said, “Are you blind? I’m a dog. What the hell would I know about a cat?”

24.Chel and I were watching Bean eat the other day, more we were listening to him moan while he eats. He looked over

noticing us looking at him. He turned and looked down the hallway to see who was there, then he looked back at us realizing we were looking at him, his eyes said, who me?

25.Filling Beans food bowl, Megan said, “wow dog food really stinks.” I said, “yeah, you are what you eat, just smell any dog.” Bean said, “not my fault” and ran under the bed.

26.Oh my! Oh my sweet woof. Come here and let me smell you. What is that? It. It smells like, pulled pork. Cheeseburger, seared in a sausage greased cast iron skillet. And, do I dare say, a hint of five Bull Mastiffs and no less than a bakers

dozen Chinese Shar-Pei’s. No! No! You went to that International Farmers Market again, without me.

27.Pack of dogs running down the street. Bean say’s, look it’s a furmob. Turn me a loose Beans barks, let’s roll wagalotors.

28.My Dad says I am a lap dog. I like sitting in his lap! He says sit still, no dancing, and he laughs. I lap up my H2O’s and I see how many laps I can run around the couch waiting on his tired old ass to get to the door to let me outside.

29. Whenever someone comes to the house Bean barks his crazy head off and will not stop until he greets whomever. We have tried everything to curtail this. Chel recently brought home the silencer, if he barks more than a couple times, it sounds off a high pitch sound that he does not like. Chel called me at work and said, listen to this, she rang the doorbell and Bean barked twice and the silencer activated the third bark sounded like a battery running out of a toy. Chel said Bean ran over and sat in your spot. When I got home Bean greeted me at the basement door letting me know how my wife had squashed his second amendment rights of freedom of speech. He spent the next couple days running around screaming, I know my rights, I know my rights.

30.My Dad say’s its Vet day, what the Vet makes house calls? Look at the mailbox, he’s trying to flag the man down. Shoe-we! Four paws latter the Vet is a no show. Oh dog! Megan put Mom in the car, Megan’s taking Mom to the Vet and they forgot me. Poor Momma. If she had asked I would have given her some pointers. I salute you Momma.

31. I was wrestling with Momma’s pant leg and I accidently bite her leg, Momma said, Oh no, I broke the skin. Dad said, quick go wash his teeth with antiseptic.

32. I’m all up under Dad’s feet and he say’s Scooch, Mooch, Pooch.

33.Don’t make me wet my whistle with the blood from your ankle.

34.What are you barking at, my Mom asked. Anybody that’ll listen, Dad said.

35. I found out rather quickly my body doesn’t take to that Ass-para-gas.

36.Chel called me to say, don’t go in the basement, I have a surprise. It’s not really a prize for you but me. I said, you got rabbits. Chel said, ah, you looked. No I said, Bean is coming down the hallway dragging my .22. He is on the hunt. There’s only one reason he would do that, there are rabbits. That next day, Chel took me down to see the rabbits. I told her, look woman. Either you or those rabbits have to go. Now, I would prefer it was the rabbits. I can only get one good meal out of them. And, I can get a few good thousand more out of you.

37. I did not know the garage door was open when I told Bean lets go downstairs and get Momma, he made a B-line for freedom. I heard him say, If any of those nosey neighbors come here and tell you where I am, tell them I said, bite me.

38. I told My Chel or Beans Momma Chel, that Bean had a great idea for his bath times. He had me run his bath water pouring his shampoo in the water so that it made bubbles and the water turned green, all Dad had do was pour cups of water over me and not all that shampoo poured directly onto my coat. Chel said, Bean your Father is a nutcase. Bean and I laughed and I said, that is a Chel [Shell].

39. I think I am going to start a daily tweet about Bean and Megan yells out from her bedroom room, and he’s going to put it under wildlife management.

40.My Daddy say’s you better straighten up or he’ll Bean ya.

41. Anybody seen the Bean? He comes crawling out from under the bed, stretching and yawning, saying I have been dog napped, what do you people want?

42.Chel came in from work and says, well? What did you guys do all day while I was at work. Bean and I did a little role playing, I said. Yeah, I took a nap on the floor, Bean napped on the couch.

43. Bean and I were watching a commercial the other night and it said, if you’re not whitening you’re yellowing. I look over and Bean is standing on a legal pad and

looking back at me with a look of great concern. I told him you’re okay little buddy you’re not yellowing.

44. Every three years we take Bean for his Rabies shot and a good teeth cleaning. This time the lady came out and said are you ready Bean? At the same time she was shaking out a bag to put in the trash receptacle. Bean hates it when you shake a plastic bag. Bean snapped, he said, you’re not going to make a trashy mouth out of me.

45. It’s raining cats and dogs outside. Bean wanted to see, he ran and jumped up on the back of the couch and looked out the window. Where? Where? He barked. I don’t see anything. Dad he asks, Is this how you got me.

46. Bean wants him a new “T” with a running from him squirrel or rabbit on the side with the words, “Eat More Fast Food.”

47. Megan say’s, AH Man! An ingrown hair. Bean say’s, Amateur.

48. I read Bean his story today and I asked, what do you think? Bean licked his paw, Lick, Lick, Yawn. Lick, Lick, Lick, Yawn. Lick, Lick, Lick, Lick, Lick, Lick, Yawn, Plop.

49. Bean really wanted to sleep with his Momma, I told him No Beanie. Momma say, No Beanie. Bean stomped off down the hallway, mumbling under his breath. No Beanie. Momma Say, No Beanie. I know it’s you, you fat bastard. You’re just afraid I might dirty those precious sheets of yours. You’d think you wove those 500 count Egyptian sheets yourself. As he plopped down beside his bed in disgust.

50.Bean told us a knock, knock Joke the other day. He said, why don’t more dogs hitchhike as opposed to all the hoofing? Because we don’t have opposable thumbs, Ha-ha.

51.Mom says if we have a problem we are to call 911. Dad says he will call .357. What I am going to do is growl and show them K9.

52.Dad says he has to do some rigorous mopping, vacuuming and dusting today. Bean said, all he wants to see is some heavy petting going on round here.

53. I was giving Bean a deep tissue neck massage and of course he rolls over demanding a Swedish.

54.Bean and his guilt trips. Remember Bean says, you have your work, your friends and your entertainment. I only have you.

55.Beans Aunt Diane came in from Wyoming to see him and Chel went to the airport to pick her up. Bean insisted on going along. But Bean you hate car rides; why do you want to go to the airport so bad. I hear they give good pat downs.

56.Bean and I came inside, I said, man the wind is howling out there. Bean looked at me. Howling, indeed. You bludgeon the English language like your hacking at wood with a dull machete. Your thoughts need to have a finer rapier point. A writer, indeed.

57. When I pulled into the garage tonight I thought I heard claws on the pavement. I did. I did. It was Bean and I thought just in time for Christmas – Beanie Claws.

58.Chel and I are considering moving with Ryan and Madi to their new home and letting our home of more than 27 years go. I told Chel we need to take Bean over and let him run around and bark at shit; if he gives us four thumbs up we move, down we stay.

When Chel and I first bought our home, we figured a dog, then a baby and in that order, that’s the American dream. We got a male Chow-Chow and we named him Solo after about a year we thought he’s an outdoor dog, he needs companionship. So we got a female Chow and named her Duet, for now there were two. Solo lived to be a ripe age of 17 years, and Duet 16 they both lived and past within a couple months of one another. Solo’s last year of life he went blind and Duet would push him around leading him to his house and food and anywhere else he wanted to go. It was sad when Duet passed for I found her, with Solo laying over her. When I went to check on her, Solo growled, snapped and clamped down on my arm. He didn’t hurt me, he just wanted me to know he wasn’t ready to let her go. I patted him and told him neither was I, ole boy. I sat with him, after a couple hours he stood up and walked into his doghouse, I assumed he was letting me know it was ok. If I learned anything about those two wonderful animals, it was that, I felt the family was not fully vested in them, that they were far and removed. And, if I ever got another animal it would be an indoor pet. Where the family would spend more time with them, where they would be part of us, we would all be part of a pack.