Vol. 9, Issue 2 October 8, 2010 (Arm Circles Day)

Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com

(One, two, three, four!)

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Quote of the Week

Leditors to the Editor Dear Ramdiculous Page,

I HATE YOUR NEW RE-

DESIGN!!!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL

BURN IN ETERNAL HELL-

FIRE FOR RUINING THIS

CAMPUS FOREVER!!!!!!

-Angry in All Caps, Texan

Hall

Angry—Thank you for read-ing our paper. Please seek pro-fessional help. –Top Ed.

*****

WASSUP RAMDICULOUS

I FRKN LUUUUV U GIEZ!!!!

ZOMG YOUR SO HOT <3

-Textual Healing, Concho

Hall

Textual—Thank you for the message. I didn’t understand a single word you said. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a wealthy Nigerian

banker. I have a sizable inheri-

tance, but I can’t reach it be-

cause of the processing fee. If

you help me by paying me

$200, then I will give you some

of the profits. Thank you.

- W e a l t h y N i g e r i a n

Banker, Texan Hall

Banker—I am too poor. I get paid in Blockbuster gift cards. Never contact me again. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous Page,

How many licks does it

take to get to the Tootsie

Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

-Candy is Food, Carr Hall

Food—According to the Library of Congress, it takes about five hundred. How-ever, according to Mister Owl, “ah three.” So either answer is likely. –Top Ed.

*****

Dear Ramdiculous Goons,

I can’t find my shoes. Do

you know where I left

them?

-Bare Feet, Carr Hall

Bare—It is very likely that you have placed your pre-

cious shoes in the dirty clothes hamper by mistake. Or maybe you never wore shoes to begin with. YOUR SHOES ARE A LIE. –Top Ed.

*****

dear ramdiculous page,

i am at the mcs computer

lab and my shift key doesn’t

seem to be working. what

should i do/

-lowercased, massie hall

Lowercased—How should I know? I’m just the editor of a funny little satirical newspa-per in a funny little town. I have no answers to life. Holy Moses, why do these people keep writing to me for an-swers??? I’m not Dear Abby, dammit. You need to ask one of the lab techs; they’re wicked awesome. –Top Ed.

*****

Have a leditor for our editor? Send an email to his inbox at bparsons1@angelo.edu, or message him through our Facebook page. Good luck.

Vol. 9, Issue 2 Something to read in class today

R A M D I C U L O U S   P A G E   P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite Power Ranger via our email, page@ramdiculous.com, or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. If you can read this, you don’t need glasses. 

Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons

Chairman of the chair Seth Chomout

Artists and writers The Ramdiculous Goons

Don’t stop believin’ Hold on to that feelin’

“I’d like to solve the puzzle.” -Some guy on Wheel of Fortune

3

the incredible question

Ram of the Week: Christine “Iron Maiden” Boswell Meet Christine Boswell. She’s really nice, but ridiculously accident-prone.

I’m serious. Last spring she slipped on an acorn here on campus and sprained

her ankle. She followed this up just recently by walking into an invisible hole

and wrecking her other ankle. Evidently, she seems to have some kind of curse

on her ankles, because she’s as tough as nails otherwise.

Once again, I’m serious. Yes, she’s nice, but you do NOT want to cross this

chick. She will END you, sucker. For you see, she hath telekinesis—although

that would be the least of your worries. I’m also reasonably sure she knows

some ancient fighting techniques that would freak you out. In fact, she’s

probably going to kill me in my sleep for writing all this.

But at least she won’t roundhouse kick anyone. Bad ankle, y’see. Not pictured: Christine’s ankles

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Arm Circles, WOW By Marilyn C. Monroe

As I walk to class

Out on the grass

I couldn't help

To pass

ARM CIRCLISTS.

I stare

At these people who dare

To do arm circles.

I start laughing,

And they just glare…

O_o

Poetry Time.

Write or draw for us! Contact us at:

page@ramdiculous.com (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,

you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)

Random Arm Movement Society: PARANOIA ON CAMPUS Don’t drink the Kool Aid.

Everyone, stay in your houses. Across the univer-sity an infectious disease is spreading that causes people to randomly do arm circles in groups at random hours of the day.

We don’t know how or why it began, but according to witness Larry Fizzlesticks, he witnessed several people doing arm circles in a small group at about 8:30 PM in the lower Academic parking lot on September 23rd. These people then branched off and found non arm cir-clers and then did the arm

circles in front of them. This brought on more arm circles, and before you know it the whole parking lot was full of arm circle-doing people.

While limited knowledge is available on this infectious phenomena, there are several steps you can take to protect yourself.

1.) Always wear a condom. Even while walking around campus. No arm circles is safe arm circles.

2.) Don’t look directly into their eyes. Especially since their wildly swinging append-ages might poke you in them.

3.) Burn a picture of Richard Simmons. LOLRLY.

4.) Try to blow them up with your mind.

If you feel any of the symp-toms of needing to do arm circles, which include sweaty pits, an urge to watch Dirty Dancing, or drinking copious amounts of “purple drank”, contact a Poison Control Center immediately, or chop off your arms.

Really, it’s the only way. Edwin Abbott Abbott is

the Ramdiculous Page’s para-noia expert. We would give you his email address, but that would only add to his condition. It’s best to leave him alone, folks.

By Edwin Abbott Abbott

Who’s This? Text us your

answer! (562) RAMDIC-7 (562) 726-3427

Last week’s answer: Eek! the Cat (Nathan Smith got it right)

Dante Residential By Bryce J. Parsons

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We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State.  Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here.  We are here for 

YOU!  

If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us.  Via email sga@angelo.edu, via phone  

(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights. 

ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the

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Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-

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organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.

The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page

 

Top Ten Ways to do arm circles 10.) Frontward

9.) Backward 8.) Clockwise

7.) Counter-clockwise

6.) With friends 5.) With enemies

4.) With frenemies 3.) With anyone

2.) With the whole

entire planet 1.) With Lady Gaga

Laconic Trope of the Day

Evil Is Sexy

TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.

“Moral depravity: so hot.”

Motherly Advice: Try to mind your P’s and Q’s By Mary Martin

This little article is for all of

you who are missing

mommy’s loving advice. Now

keep in mind, I am not your

mother, but if she were here

she might say these things.

Your mother might say, “Mind

your P’s and Q’s.” Do you

know what this means? Ac-

good – okay! Now mind you I

am not your mother, but I can

hear her telling you not to

have any “brush with the

law.” According to The American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms, “This expression

refers to the noun brush in the

sense of ‘a hostile collision.’”

Ouch! Now you know why

your mom would say that!

Finally, even though I am not

your mom, I have to remind

you of one last piece of advice

she would give you this week,

and that is, “Watch who you

run around with!” Or it could

be “who you run away with.”

You know what she means!

c o r d i n g t o h t t p : / /

w w w . p h r a s e s . o r g . u k /

meanings/mind-your-ps-and-

qs.html, no one knows for

sure either, but my guess is

that your mother thinks is

means, “Mind your pints and

quarts. This is suggested as

deriving from the practice of

chalking up a tally of drinks in

English pubs (on the slate),”

since we know how college

students love to partake in this

endeavor. Keep in mind, I am

not your mother, but if she

were here, she would tell you

to not let your grades become

a “death knell”. A what you

say? Let’s just say it’s not

Article written to fill some space SAN ANGELO—An article

appearing in Angelo State

University’s parody newspa-

per, the Ramdiculous Page,

appeared to be mere filler.

“I really didn’t know what

else to use,” said Bryce J. Par-

sons, top editor of the afore-

mentioned parody newspaper.

“I just needed some stuff to fill

space on page five. I hope no

one minds.”

The article was a parody of a

typical news brief, running

under the headline “Article

written to fill some space.”

The ramifications of the

article are yet to be felt. At

press time, Angelo State Uni-

versity had not issued an offi-

cial statement condemning or

condoning this practice.

Ramdiculous Observances

Saturday, Oct. 9: National Chess Day (Don’t let

Deep Blue kick your butt.)

Sunday, Oct. 10: International Newspaper

Carrier Day (Appreciate those who deliver Ram Pages and

Ramdiculouses...it’s not an easy job!)

Monday, Oct. 11:

National Kick Butt Day (Go find your siblings.)

Tuesday, Oct. 12:

International Moment of Frustration Scream Day (Let

loose...you need it.)

Wednesday, Oct. 13: National Bring Your Teddy

Bear to School or Work Day (DO THIS! I dare you.)

Thursday, Oct. 14:

Be Bald and Be Free Day (Okay, so my hairline is reced-

ing a bit…what’s it to you?)

Face/Off (S4) 1:10 4:15 7:20 10:10

Batman & Robin (S4) 1:20 4:10 7:15 9:50

Speed 2 (S4)

1:00 4:00 7:00 10:00

Hercules (S4) 12:50 3:00 5:10 7:10 9:10

Men in Black (SW7)

12:40 2:35 4:40 7:10 9:25

Wild America (SW7) 12:15 2:20 4:45 7:25 9:35

The Lost World (SW7) 12:45 3:40 7:00 9:50

Contact (SW7)

12:30 3:40 7:00 10:05

My Best Friend’s Wedding (SW7)

12:00 2:20 4:40 7:05 9:30

Out to Sea (SW7) 12:20 2:30 4:50 7:20 9:40

Movie Times from July 19, 1997

Arm Circles: The Movie (2019) By Billy Mack

Wow, EPIC! In nine years,

we get a movie about arm cir-

cles.

In fact, I am positive that a

movie about arm circles would

be probably the greatest thing

ever.

Okay, I am lying. Really,

this running gag about doing

arm circles is probably the

lamest thing that the Ram-diculous Page has ever at-

tempted in its four years of

publication. The lamest. I mean, really. Arm circles?

Those stupid exercises we used

to do in elementary school

P.E.? What the hell kind of

theme is that? Honestly, I

don’t know why I write for

these idiots.

And the idea that a movie

studio would finance a movie

about arm circles is patently

absurd! I mean, really, who

would watch that?

I really, really hate my life

right now.

A movie about arm circles.

Probably starring actors who

have stopped giving a crap.

Like me with this article.

Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas. You know he knows just exactly what the facts is.

Visit the Apple

App store or the

Android Market to

download the

new Ramdiculous

mobile app!

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Formula for doing some arm circles anywhere Step 1.) Stick out your arms. Step 2.) Rotate them forward for a count of ten. Step 3.) Rotate them backward for a count of ten. Step 4.) ??? Step 5.) PROFIT!

S4=Sunset 4 Theater SW7=Southwest 7 Theater (Just in case you time travel to 1997 and want to see a movie)

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