1 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

STUFF ALWAYS HAPPENS: THE CRISIS IN THE CRISIS CABINET...

By William Chapman…...Pages 3-4

Your tweets write History… By Paula Stoleru……. Pages 5 and 7

Soundcloud.com/UoBMALive

UoBMALeVE UNIVERSITY OF BIRMINGHAM MODEL ARAB LEAGUE

@UoBMALive

Facebook.com/UoBMAL

Uobmalive.tumblr.com

ISSUE N°4

Published at :

University of Birmingham

Free

CHAVEZ'S LEGACY IN

THE ARAB WORLD

In his death Hugo Chavez leaves a mixed legacy. His anti-

American and pro-Palestinian vocalism led to widespread support

in the Arab world, a legacy

smeared by his later support

of Arab dictators in the face

of popular uprising. Whilst

Chavez had unprecedented

success in raising the living

standards of the worst off

Venezuelans, his tenure was

plagued by apparent nepo-

tism, corruption and human

rights abuses; let alone his

unwavering support of the likes of Muammar Gaddafi and Bashar

al-Assad. Pages 8-9

By Benjamin Stone

BALANCING ON A PRECIPICE OF HOPE AND DESPAIR:

BRITISH AID TO SYRIAN REBELS

By William Chapman

A MORAL IMPERATIVE OR

MODERN COLONIALISM, A PERSONAL VIEW.

William Hague the British Foreign Secretary said

on the 6th March that the UK was to provide armoured ve-

hicles to the Syrian opposition. But is this a moral impera-

tive or an insult to the Arab community?

See Pages 9-10

POLITICIDE By Benjamin Stone…….Page 3

COUPLES

EVERYWHERE! By Paula Stoleru Pages 6-8

INTERVIEWING GUEST

SPEAKER DIMA MOBARAK

By Benjamin Stone…..Page 4

Photograph: Richard Sellers/Allstar/Sportsphoto

Credit: BBC.co.uk

EGYPTIAN PM FIRED By Benjamin Stone…...Pages 10-11

GLOBAL MELTDOWN – IT WAS

BOUND TO HAPPEN!

By William Chapman….Pages11-12

Credit: Andreea Gavrila Credit: Andreea Gavrila

UoBMALeve 2

UoBMALeve

The Press Team

Camille Dupont - Head of Press

Paula Stoleru - Assistant Head of Press

William Chapman - Writer, proof reader

Benjamin Stone - Writer

Andreea Gavrila - Social Media Reporter

PORTFOLIO OF THE LAST DAY

3 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

POLITICIDE

Egypt is breaking down. A “bored” Minister

of Intelligence decided on self-destruction while a

slightly less passive Al-Qaeda laid down an ultima-

tum. The Cabinet therefore has been focussing on ret-

ribution. The delegates are trying to avoid assassina-

tion amid intelligence that the Saudi's are plotting

against them. Threats from Al-Qaeda of hostage

deaths have taken a back seat – fictional death threats

deemed less important than the emerging and very

real objective of “beating the Saudi's!”

The day began with explosive news, with an

attempt from Minister of Intelligence to draw Egypt

in to war with Israel. Success was short lived. The

Egyptians issued a statement reporting intelligence

that the Damietta attack came from Israelis with help

from a US fleet and subsequently issued “a high state

of military alert”.

Diplomatic relations briefly turned. In a joint

statement the US and Israel expressed resentment at

being “falsely accused by a nation...which kills its

own government ministers; placing their heads on

spikes”. They went on to declare that “[w]ithout a full

apology relation will sour dramatically”. Proof quick-

ly emerged that this bomb strike came from within the

Cabinet. The Intelligence Minister's email became

public as he was seen to issue instruction that “[I]t

will be blown up by operatives wearing AMERICAN

and ISRAELI uniforms!”

The Cabinet relocated their meeting at the top

of the Alps as there started down a slippery slope. Do-

mestic sabotage was met by extensive Egyptian protests

– primarily from the Muslim Brotherhood – surround-

ing this barbaric government, but surely triggered by

the Damietta incident. In the face of revolution a press

statement from “[t]he most serene government of

Egypt” claimed that “the situation in Egypt is stable”.

A clearly fallacious press statement was shortly

falsified. Having been unsuccessful in locating the hos-

tages of yesterday’s kidnapping in the Suez Canal, Al

Qaeda issued news that a captive had been killed. An-

other execution to follow every 12 minutes in which the

transgender Egyptian PM does not stand down. Howev-

er with the Cabinet realising that Egypt was not in fact

short of people, the issue of fifteen hostages was not

deemed terribly pressing.

Who knows who will die next?

Will anyone survive?

A jaded Egyptian government has developed a

taste for blood. Suggestions have been thrown around

of bombing the entire Saudi government as the true fo-

cus becomes success in this diplomatic contest.

Who will be the last man standing and

what will his conscience bear?

By Benjamin Stone

Twitter : @BenjaminStone13

Credit: Andreea Gavrila

STUFF ALWAYS

HAPPENS- THE CRISIS IN

THE CRISIS CABINET…

MONUMENTALLY MASSIVE PRESI-

DENTIAL AND POSSIBLY PRIME-

MINISTERIAL MURDERERS!

After the Saudi government “grassed up” their

Arabic brothers the Egyptians in relation to the port

bombings, the power in the region lay with the Saudis.

A situation they were keen to keep; The Minister of

Intelligence having moved from villain to hero, due to

his ousting of the Egyptians, was placed with so much

security that the Queen of England would’ve had to

By William Chapman

Twitter : @wxc198

UoBMALeve 4

UoBMALeve

INTERVIEW

Guest Speaker:

Dima Mobarak

Head of the Arab Society

University of Birmingham

Benjamin Stone: You’re the head of the Arab

society in Birmingham, what role does the society

play, can you tell us how everything started with

the society?

Dima Mobarak: So the society started in 2006 by

a group of students who felt that were quite a lot of

Arab students who wanted to meet other Arabs,

but not just Arabs, but other people, so it was kind

of a society which was built up to help Arabs and

non-Arabs mix together. You don’t have to be an

international student. I’m an Arab but I’m not an

international student. So it was kind of to like help

people meet. The kind of stuff we do, we do a lot

of work for charity - with different charity organi-

sations, raising money, holding dinners and doing

work around campus. We’re at the moment look-

ing into working with Human Aid, doing a charity

event for Syria, obviously with the on-going crisis

in Syria. So basically it’s kind of just reaching out

to support. It doesn’t have to be just Arab based

charities, that’s the beauty of it. It’s for anyone and

everyone.

B.S.: You talk about, kind of, cross cultural under-

standing between Arabs and non-Arabs alike.

Have you been successful? Do you have any non-

Arab members?

D.M.: Yeah, I mean the majority of the members

aren’t even actually Arab; they’re from different

backgrounds, like Asia. Like it’s increasing a lot,

so at the beginning it was a very small society but

By Benjamin Stone

Twitter : @BenjaminStone13

squat and show that wasn’t a bomb up her arse to get

a meeting with him.

With the plethora of worries for both cabi-

nets ‘much ado about something’ began. The Saudi’s

following in the example of the Intelligence Minister

all revised and updated their securities meaning sure-

ly no assassinations will happen today! And as the

smell of hubris subsided 2,500 troops were moved to

Saudi ports as “that’s where the action is”.

With little direct action taking place the cabi-

nets became aware of the possible multitude of infil-

trations that had taken place. The Saudi cabinet, the

rumours were, had a very useful and non-obvious

source that was soon to die in the opposite cabinet.

Benji Stone’s tweet had the Saudi perplexed but they

were not to be diminished in allowing Michael (or

was it someone else!) to die.

The warmongering few who comprised the

Saudi government then set out to properly mess up

the Egyptian cabinet, who were not organised at the

beginning of the day, by murdering the president.

Giving away few details it involved a SAM missile,

a presidential visit and a flaming fireball, subtle.

A minor worry was found when it became

apparent that Rana (Minister for Communications)

had sent worrying emails to the wrong address, prob-

ably making some lorry driver in Denmark spit out

his coffee, problems reminiscent of real-life politi-

cians.

Finally just before lunch the minister of

Economy was placed under house arrest and com-

mitted ritual suicide wrongly stipulated as murder. A

dire warning of things to come? I guess we must wait

and see… The final session looms. This was an inter-

esting session, collectivisation at the beginning and

isolationism at the end. One also senses things are

starting to become more militant? Is war around the

corner?

Credit: Andreea Gavrila

Credit: Paula Stoleru

5 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

it’s getting a lot bigger, people are coming with their friends to

meet other people.

B.S.: For Arabs living in non-Arab countries like Britain, how

important do you think it is to maintain that cultural identity?

D.M.: Definitely, like, otherwise you won’t be able to pass that

on so to speak to the future generations and it will get lost. So

it’s absolutely vital. For example, if you speak Arabic just keep

at it, don’t let it go, don’t forget about it. Pass it on. Remember

that you’re in a position where you belong to two different

countries so therefore you shouldn’t lose one of them, it’s

something so special.

B.S.: Switching back to the speech you made today, can you

tell us a bit more about your personal stance on the Arab

league?

D.M.: Yeah I feel that the Arab league - the whole idea of it is

absolutely brilliant, having something to connect all the Arab

countries together; the idea of it is fantastic. It’s just sort of the

way that it’s run, the decision making process of it is very in-

fluenced by the gulf countries, so they have the most say in it,

the most say in the decisions that are made. Also the west has a

lot of influence in it. We’re always involved, always putting

through our decisions and giving our opinions to them. We

have a massive influence in them as well; the Arab countries

which are in dictatorships aren’t having as much say as we are.

So that’s how I feel the Arab league is at the moment, but I feel

in the future, once the Arab spring, Arab uprising, has gone

through every country, I feel that it will be much stronger-

much more interconnected. Yeah it will be a better future for

our countries.

B.S.: In your speech you described the league as “far from per-

fect”, where do you think its main downfalls are?

D.M.: As I just said the main downfalls would probably be that

a lot of the decisions which are made aren’t made in the inter-

ests of people, but more the leaders -not personal interests so to

speak, but interests for their particular country, so one of the

main downfalls is that it doesn’t take in to consideration what

people feel. So for example in Syria, not everyone is with the

opposition, not everyone is with the regime. The Arab league

offered us a place in the Arab league summit for the opposition

in Syria, not everyone is going to be with the opposition so

that’s kind of putting people in a difficult circumstance. Obvi-

ously a lot of Syrians living here and abroad want the regime to

go etcetera, but there are people that are living there, it’s not as

bad for them as we make it out for me. I feel that the media has

exaggerated a lot, in Syria it’s very divided the view that’s

there. It’s very difficult for the Arab league to act in the inter-

ests of people, because, what is the best interest of the people?

They’re completely split, sometimes it’s not even in their hands

is my point.

B.S.: You compared the Arab league to the European Union

You

r t

wee

ts w

rite

His

tory

...

By

Pa

ula

Sto

leru

Tw

itte

r: @

Pau

laS

tole

ru

UoBMALeve 6

UoBMALeve

COUPLES

EVERYWHERE!

It seems that karma finally caught up with me

(or the press goddess decided to punish me) as I have

been assigned the delightful mission of writing about

love, UoBMAL love, that is. I have basically been sur-

rounded by couples for the whole duration of the con-

ference so getting inside information was not hard at all.

After three days of talking to (and stalking ) the dele-

gates, here’s the different types of UobMAL romance I

have found.

POWER COUPLE

Stephen and Karolina is what we would call ‘the power

couple of UobMAL’ . We all knew about their love

story long before we met Karolina this Friday; proba-

bly because Stephen simply refuses to stop talking about

her (and after getting to know her, I see why). They

share the same passion for MUN and they even met dur-

ing a conference. They started dating on a lovely Octo-

ber day in 2011 (29th, as Karolina points out after Ste-

phen got the date wrong...guess someone's in trouble!).

What makes them a power couple is not only their experi-

ence as delegates in various MUNs but also the fact that

they have

successfully

chaired sever-

al confer-

ences. In fact,

they were our

crisis direc-

tors for Uo-

BMAL, in

other words,

the brains

behind the

whole thing. Oh, and have I mentioned that they manage

to keep a long-distance relationship? Stephen and Karoli-

na seem to have the secret of how to reconcile love with

distance!

WORK RELATIONSHIP

Working with your significant other might prove a bit dif-

ficult at times, however, imagine working for them! An-

other couple I was in contact with, our very own press

couple, had to juggle professionalism and romance. When

asked how it is to work for his girlfriend, the first word

that comes to Will's mind is

'weird'. He takes the alpha male

position assuring me that he is

the dominant one in the rela-

tionship and he feels puzzled

having the tables turned around

and having his gentille girl-

friend boss him around. Camille

starts laughing as soon as she

hears this because she knows

that's Will's way of saying he

loves her. But she does admit being worried that the pres-

sure from the conference might take its toll on their rela-

tionship. Especially since she's a perfectionist... However,

the two of them shared a wonderfully new experience and

they've learned how to work together in a professional

manner. Either that, or Will actually enjoyed being bossed

around...

CONFERENCE

When you have two people who both love being right and

winning debates all the time, how is love possible? It

might take a strong woman to handle a Gemini but this

couple has found a solution! The Minister of Economy of

Saudi Arabia and the Egyptian Director of General Intelli-

gence share a beautiful romance. But that's just during

socials, because during the committee sessions this turns

into a strictly professional relationship. Or does it ? Ru-

mour has it that she was put under house arrest while try-

By Paula Stoleru

Twitter: @PaulaStoleru

quite a lot, with reference to the single currency, is

that something you would like to see adopted in the

Arab world?

D.M.: Yeah, I think that a single currency between

different countries would make it easier for business,

trade, imports, exports; it would make it a lot easier

for tourists as well in the Middle East. There isn’t

much tourism between different countries because of

the whole like visa problems there, if you’re an Arab

and you want to visit another Arab country it’s so

much harder for you to get a visa than if you were

American or British - you could go there so easily,

but for them it’s so much harder. They create these

unnecessary barriers is my point, if you want to in-

crease your tourism and increase popularity, you

shouldn’t build these barriers to block out other Ar-

abs so to speak.

B.S.: Okay, I think we can wrap up there but thank

you very much for your speech and allowing us to do

this interview.

Continued page 8

7 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

Best tweet of the day!

Your tweets write History...

UoBMALeve 8

UoBMALeve

ing to help him get out of the same situation.

I recently (20 minutes ago) had lunch with

them and had the opportunity of getting to know them

better. It turns out that they also met through MUN and

their passion for conferences turned into a passionate

relationship. Literally!

I just witnessed a heated argument about the

origin of ties (she won), and I am not even joking. But

it's really lovely to see two strong personalities getting

along so well and having so much fun !

RUMOURS

We all know the SG recently referred to the

conference as 'her baby' so we can't help but wonder ,

did she do it all on her own or did she get help from…

someone special? Ru-

mours have it that the

deputy SG might be

her significant other.

They did spend a lot of

evenings (whole days

actually) organising

the conference and the

pressure of all this

might have drawn

them closer…

So has this powerful friendship turned into

something more? Though they both strongly deny it,

they were caught by the paparazzi arguing (quite a lot)

over minor details ... Yet somehow they seem to for-

give each other and their relationship grows stronger

with each logistical problem resolved and each com-

mittee session ended. Doesn’t that sound like a typical

relationship?

However, a close source of Roxi’s (a flatmate

who prefers to remain anonymous ) has assured us that

Roxi’ s only source of interest and romance for the past

few months was UoBMAL. Should we believe this or

is it just a cover up?

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Joking aside, I do admire the professionalism

of the couples I have met during the conference and I

appreciate the fact that they kept the PDA at a mini-

mum ( so single people would not suffer). I do apolo-

gise If I came as being too harsh throughout the arti-

cle... I must admit that deep down inside I am a bit

jealous of the people that got to share the wonderful

experience of UoBMAL with their better half while the

only partner I had was my laptop.

CHAVEZ'S LEGACY

IN THE ARAB WORLD

In his death Hugo Chavez leaves a mixed legacy.

His anti-American and pro-Palestinian vocalism led to

widespread support in the Arab world, a legacy smeared by

his later support of Arab dictators in the face of popular

uprising. Whilst Chavez had unprecedented success in rais-

ing the living standards of the worst off Venezuelans, his

tenure was plagued by apparent nepotism, corruption and

human rights abuses; let alone his unwavering support of

the likes of Muammar Gaddafi and Bashar al-Assad.

ARAB ALLIES AGAINST IMPERIALIST AMERICA

Well known for having declared George Bush “a

donkey”, a great part of Chavez's legacy will be as an out-

spoken critic of America. Chavez found quite a natural

home in the Arab world, finding allies in the likes of Ah-

madinejad, Gaddafi and Assad as like-minded opposition-

ists of neo-liberalism and laissez-faire capitalism. In 2000

Chavez toured Baghdad, driven by none other than Saddam

Hussein, two years later he visited Qatar, Kuwait, the Unit-

ed Arab Emirates, Libya and Algeria. Relationships were

particularly cordial with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad whom he

visited thirteen times; Chavez stated, “one of the targets

that Yankee imperialism has its sights on is Iran, which is

why we are showing our solidarity”.

By Benjamin Stone

Twitter : @BenjaminStone13

References: See page 12

Credit: BBC.co.uk

9 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

In part Hugo Chavez was glamorised for his ex-

tensive criticism of Israel, expelling the Israeli ambassa-

dor to Venezuela – he was also known to distribute maps

of Gaza to illustrate the small space and dense popula-

tion. However far from becoming an Arab hero, in an act

of drastic political misjudgement Chavez declared sup-

port for pro-establishment forces and the Libyan govern-

ment in 2011. In death Chavez proclaimed Gaddafi a

martyr. He also described Syria's Bashar al-Assad “a

humanist and a brother” while criticising Western inter-

vention in both cases, viewing it as an extension of im-

perialism.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Increasingly throughout his career the double

standards of Chavez became apparent. His pro-Assad

rhetoric, asking, "[H]ow can we not support the govern-

ment of Bashar al-Assad if it 's the legitimate govern-

ment of Syria?" contrasts sharply with his early political

career and formation of the Bolivarian Revolutionary

Army-200 in 1982.

Chavez's political thought was greatly influ-

enced by Velasco. Particularly resonant was the idea that

the military should act on behalf of the working class

when the ruling elite are perceived as corrupt. Chavez

himself orchestrated (the failed) Operation Zamora, at-

tempting to call the Venezuelan people to revolt and to

overthrow President Pérez. Chavez's lack of support for

Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak in the face of revolt

negates any presumption of a change in political thought.

Political scientist, Khattar Abou Diab, specialising in the

Arab world states that “common animosity towards the

US was the main reason for the alliance and friendship

that formed between the Arab dictators and

Chavez...other than that they had very little in common

ideologically.” If Chavez was a man driven by principle,

this principle was a blanket anathema towards the United

States and its allies.

LEGACY

Despite the apparent double standards of

Chavez, his domestic legacy is likely to be a positive

one. He ran for government on the promise of represent-

ing the voiceless masses of Venezuela and his commit-

ment to this cannot be denied. The United Nations Com-

mission for Latin America found that poverty was re-

duced by 20.8% between 2002 and 2010 and extreme

poverty was more than halved. He also orchestrated

“Plan Bolívar” in 2000, where on the tenth anniversary

of the Caracazo Massacre, 70,000 army servicemen were

sent to the streets, fixing roads, hospitals and selling

vastly subsidised food.

The legacy of Hugo Chavez will certainly be a

mixed one. While his government received criticism

from NGOs such as Amnesty International for human

rights abuses, his widespread support at home is de-

monstrably apparent. Although Chavez is not without

back up from abroad, in his later years he lost many

supporters in the Arab world in his wavering integrity

to the socialist cause and partnership with authoritarian

dictators. Hugo Chavez will continue to polarise and

divide opinion. We can only be sure of one thing; that

his legacy will be discussed by historians and social

commentators, and if nothing else, his memory is sure

to live on.

BALANCING ON A

PRECIPICE OF HOPE

AND DESPAIR:

BRITISH AID TO SYRIAN

REBELS

A MORAL IMPERATIVE OR MODERN

COLONIALISM, A PERSONAL VIEW.

William Hague the British Foreign Secretary

said on the 6th March that the UK was to provide ar-

moured vehicles to the Syrian opposition.

But is this a moral imperative or an insult to

the Arab community?

Hague described it as a “necessary” response

to the “extreme human suffering” happening in Syria.

Whilst he certainly correct in his point about suffer-

ing, the exact nature of who is the provocateur is not

fully known; Particularly the regime of President Ba-

shar Assad, which has been accused, with strong evi-

dence to support, of perpetrating war crimes, and has

faced calls to lead steps to stop the violence. The op-

position which Assad faces is fractured into many

By William Chapman

Twitter : @wxc198

References : See page 12

UoBMALeve 10

UoBMALeve

sects and factions, leading to a lack of overarching

command and control and with each group trying to

fulfil their chosen objectives. A few of these groups

too, have fallen afoul of the international community

with videos being released on social-networking sites

of rebels killing captured government soldiers. The

human rights office of the UN estimates the death toll

exceeds 60,000, one must think, morally, that some-

thing, surely, must be done.

There is little doubt where the North-Western

European members of the UN’s hope lies. Britain in

particular has been vocal in its support of the opposi-

tion, supplying them first with medical aid and now

with non-lethal weapons and equipment such as body

armour. The UN has also stipulated that it will give

Syria’s seat to the main opposition group the Free

Syrian Army (FSA) showing where its faith lays, an

act copied by the Arab League after Syria’s expulsion

last year.

Assad responded by labelling the British

“bullies” saying they had a “naïve” approach to the

conflict. I personally feel that Britain must be incredi-

bly wary of the opposition fighters. For any nation

giving any assistance to the rebels they must know

how unstable and incoherent the rebels are. The dif-

ferences in the different faction’s aims are astronomi-

cal and one cannot tell which one will attain hegemo-

ny after the fighting ceases, this is if they win at all.

No one wishes to see an Afghanistan situation where

weapons are re-used on soldiers from the nation that

provided them to their, then, allies. Any weapons giv-

en to the rebels may well be used against peacekeep-

ers and other soldiers that are not part of this conflict

at a later date. I do not think we can, with any sense of

moral relativism, arm the rebels with offensive weap-

ons, but defensive weapons are a different kettle of

fish. For a human to watch other humans die in a

cause that they may directly stop and not to act is a

moral outrage. To do nothing is to act as executioner

for these beleaguered rebels.

EGYPTIAN PM FIRED

We began our second session with news of anoth-

er hostage casualty. After a customary press release, an

un-phased and apathetic Egyptian Cabinet were able to

focus on other more pressing matters beyond their civil-

ians being tortured by the sub-evolved terrorists.

As well as posthumous slander, Egypt faced pos-

sible disaster with information that stockpiles of surface

to air missiles were dotted around the country and not

secure. Finally we saw armed riots on the streets of Egypt

– with the top officials fleeing – and missiles flying in

from the Saudis.

Perhaps the most eerie event of the weekend was

the Egyptian Minister of Communication and Technolo-

gy's posthumous criticism of his own government. He

described his state as a “quasi-Stasi-esque North Korean

dystopia” and his ministers under a “state of immoral ser-

vitude, blasphemy and barbarism.” The cabinet responded

calling these “the

last words of a mad-

man”, possibly not

grasping the concept

of posthumousness.

While news

of life after death

was swept under the

carpet, some really

important news

emerged. Locations

of ground to air mis-

siles came to light as

did the incompetence of the Minister of Defence. Whilst

the location of these missiles was known, the Minister

By Benjamin Stone

Twitter : @BenjaminStone13

Whether Assad goes, if he doesn’t, or if the civil

war drags on for more than the current, bloody 21 that it

has stretched to, Britain can be justifiably proud of its

actions. And please don’t think of this as a mildly right-

wing, “big up the Queen”, Daily Mail piece. If I thought

we were in the wrong one would say; but I do genuinely

believe that we were correct.

Credit: Andreea Gavrila

Photograph: Richard Sellers/Allstar/Sportsphoto Ltd

11 UoBMALeve

UoBMALeve

It started with two tame press releases gener-

ally urging calm and co-operation between the na-

tions…ha…that was soon forgotten. The hostage situ-

ation in Egypt, carefully being ignored by their cabi-

net was rumbling on, whilst the Saudi committee was

inundated with requests for the King and PM (and

only them) to visit Cairo for a visit and Arab League,

the first time the eponymous group’s name had been

mentioned. These were quickly seen through by the

adept and, by the standards of the conference, stable

Saudi high command. Leaving the direct politicking

to their subordinates, such as the minister for Foreign

Affairs who was literally never in the room, this

prompting rumours that she had actually left and gone

home, were later dispelled as she was spotted in Cri-

sis’ room eating a biscuit.

As the PM & the King refused to visit Cairo

the transgender PM of Egypt refused to come to on to

the Saudi’s obvious assassination attempt… I guess

some people are just rude. Finally the Intelligence

Minister was executed after a “free” and “fair” trial.

These covert actions were to be small in comparison

to what was to happen.

The Saudi’s militarized in force and in num-

bers, they with 25,000 men invaded towns where ter-

rorists were active, inside Egypt. Hostilities were be-

gun! Riots were happening in Egypt and the Saudi’s

hoped to take advantage of these by killing the rioters

– with ICBM’s, somewhat impolite if you ask this

reporter. With the bombing in Cairo the Saudi’s took

out most of the Egyptian cabinet and, worried about a

counter strike secretly/publically moved to Mecca.

Puzzlingly, faced with an extremely aggressive neigh-

bour, the ICBM’s had an adverse effect than hoped in

Egypt and people seemed to be somewhat annoyed at

the Saudi’s who bombed their families causing a state

took no action throughout the unfolding crisis to secure

them. This came with news that Al-Qaeda could be occu-

pying these locations and distributing weaponry through-

out the region.

An increasingly unstable Egypt saw the state press

come out against the PM, a signal of severe splits within

the cabinet. Not long after this overt criticism came public

response.

In a statement from the Minister of Industry,

Trade, Media and the Press, the people of Egypt were

called to arms. Government officials were described as

“cowardly”, “squatting illegally in our government build-

ings”. Muslim Brotherhood organised riots swept through

Cairo with small arms causing both a direct affront to the

increasingly despotic national command and further insta-

bility in an already destabilised region.

This Saudis welcomed this news with arms. Their

bold step of launching missile strikes at Cairo had the sur-

prising effect of bringing about some stability. The Egyp-

tian people felt support in working towards the end of their

common enemy and rallies on the streets ceased. However

in fear, the Saudi cabinet began to relocate themselves to

Mecca – later a suspected target of bomb strikes. As ex-

pected (and supposedly typical of an event like this) this

crisis ended in flames.

GLOBAL MELTDOWN –

IT WAS BOUND

TO HAPPEN!

I sit here a contented man, Ale on my right and

my finally silent phone on the left, Joes could be a beach

in Marbella for all I care. The conference has ended and

the constant hum of activity in the Guild seems to have

ceased with the conference. Bloody hell though, what a

mad final session and I’m glad these guys aren’t politi-

cians yet. Cairo lies in flames and Mecca is quite possibly

about to be bombed by the Americans; Aye, an interesting

final session so it was.

By William Chapman

Twitter : @wxc198

Credit: Andreea Gavrila

UoBMALeve 12

UoBMALeve

REFERENCES

of war. Of course the US waded in and scared the

pants off both committees’ with promises of peace.

The Egyptians lost their bottle first and sued for

peace…by offering nothing. A glorious end to the

day for the fractious Egyptian cabinet, most of who

by this stage were smeared across the upper-Nile

region with their weeping families searching for

their singed toenails in the sand.

And there was to be one final twist for the

Saudi Cabinet as the King was killed by his PM

whilst attempting to kill the very same PM in return.

In an unfortunate batch of luck similar in size to that

of poor Irish people on the Titanic’s lower decks the

Interior Minister (George Court) was falsely impli-

cated and executed by the King’s guards, deja-vu for

the bullet-magnet man.

Then that was it, time, and game over. The

Saudi’s won, I guess because maybe one of them

may have survived the repercussions that were sure-

ly to come their way. And so to Joe’s where are he-

roic story ends. This is it, a final raise of the glass,

salute and sip to the delegates and press of Uo-

BMAL2013.

Here’s looking at you, future politicians.

- BBC News Website, http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21684105. - Huffington Post, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/02/syria-death-toll-60000_n_2395826.html.

- The Guardian, http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/mar/03/syria-president-assad-britain-bullying.

BALANCING ON A PRECIPICE OF

HOPE AND DESPAIR:

BRITISH AID TO SYRIAN REBELS

CHAVEZ'S LEGACY

IN THE ARAB WORLD

Layelle Saad., 2013. Hugo Chavez popularity

tested after Arab Spring. [online] Gulfnews. Available at:

http://gulfnews.com/news/world/other-world/hugo-chavez-popularity-tested-after-arab-spring-1.1154629

- The Associated Press., 2013. In death, Chavez venerated, vilified. [online] Arab News. Available at: http://www.arabnews.com/world/death-chavez-venerated-vilified

Cavan Sieczkowsci., 2013. Mahmoud Ahmad-inejad: Hugo Chavez Will Resurrect With Jesus. [online] Huffington Post. Available at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/06/mahmoud-ahmadinejad-hugo-chavez-resurrect-jesus_n_2819630.html

- John Otis., 2013. Hugo Chavez and the Arab Spring. [online] The World. Available at: http://www.theworld.org/2011/06/hugo-chavez-arab-spring/

- Marc Daou., 2013. Chavez leaves behind a mixed legacy in the Arab world. [online] France 24. Available at: http://www.france24.com/en/20130307-chavez-leaves-behind-mixed-legacy-arab-world>

CHECK OUR BLOG!