Understanding Emotional Intelligence

Enhance your Effectiveness withEnhance your Effectiveness with

Power of Paradigm Power of Paradigm

We see the world, not as it is, but as we are We see the world, not as it is, but as we are – or as we are conditioned to see it !– or as we are conditioned to see it !

All personal break through begin with a All personal break through begin with a change in paradigms.change in paradigms.

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HabitsHabitsAn Idea / A Thought / Aik Khayal turns into An Idea / A Thought / Aik Khayal turns into an ACTIONan ACTION

• Our repeated actions become HABITOur repeated actions become HABIT

• Our habits define our CHARACTEROur habits define our CHARACTER

• Our character takes us to our Our character takes us to our DESTINYDESTINY

Kinds of Intelligence:Kinds of Intelligence:

• Intellectual IntelligenceIntellectual Intelligence

• Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence

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Emotional Emotional intelligence intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability, capacity, skill; Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability, capacity, skill;

or, in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived or, in the case of the trait EI model, a self-perceived

ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of

oneself, of others, and of groups.oneself, of others, and of groups.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand

one’s emotional make emotional make-up and the one’s emotional make emotional make-up and the

emotional make up of others and to use insight from emotional make up of others and to use insight from

this knowledge to Effectively manage and regulate one this knowledge to Effectively manage and regulate one

own emotions to make good decisions and to act own emotions to make good decisions and to act

effectively.effectively.

““It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is

essential is invisible to the eye.”essential is invisible to the eye.”

……Antoine Saint-Exupery…Antoine Saint-Exupery…

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““Achieving one’s goals through the ability Achieving one’s goals through the ability

to manage one’s own feelings and to manage one’s own feelings and

emotions being sensitive to and able to emotions being sensitive to and able to

influence other key people being able to influence other key people being able to

balance one’s motives and drives with balance one’s motives and drives with

conscientious and ethical behavior.”conscientious and ethical behavior.”

Dulewicz & Dulewicz &

HiggsHiggs

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Emotional Emotional intelligence intelligence

The 4 Models of EIThe 4 Models of EI

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• Self – AwarenessSelf – AwarenessReading one’s own emotions and Reading one’s own emotions and

recognizing their impact.recognizing their impact.

• Social AwarenessSocial AwarenessAbility to attune to how others feel, Ability to attune to how others feel, and to “read” situationsand to “read” situations

• Self – ManagementSelf – ManagementKeeping disruptive emotions & Keeping disruptive emotions &

impulses under controlimpulses under control

• Social SkillsSocial SkillsAbility to guide the emotional tone of Ability to guide the emotional tone of

the groupthe group

Self – AwarenessSelf – Awareness• Self-Awareness is the heart of Emotional Self-Awareness is the heart of Emotional Intelligence Intelligence

• Self-awareness is the awareness that one exists Self-awareness is the awareness that one exists

as an individual beingas an individual being.

• Without self-awareness the self perceives and Without self-awareness the self perceives and

accepts the thoughts that are occurring to be who accepts the thoughts that are occurring to be who

the self is. the self is.

• Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to Self-awareness gives one the option or choice to

choose thoughts being thought rather than simply choose thoughts being thought rather than simply

thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from the thinking the thoughts that are stimulated from the

accumulative events leading up to the accumulative events leading up to the

circumstances of the moment.circumstances of the moment. 77

• Social awareness means that you should know Social awareness means that you should know

what is socially acceptable from you in society and what is socially acceptable from you in society and

you should act in that manner.you should act in that manner.

• In Social awareness we have to be aware of the In Social awareness we have to be aware of the

problems that different societies and communities problems that different societies and communities

face on a day-to-day basis; to be conscious of the face on a day-to-day basis; to be conscious of the

difficulties and hardships of society. difficulties and hardships of society.

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Social AwarenessSocial Awareness

Self – ManagementSelf – Management• To develop a strategy to overcome a social To develop a strategy to overcome a social

problem, it is useful to have a clear analysis of the problem, it is useful to have a clear analysis of the

present situation and a picture of alternative social present situation and a picture of alternative social

arrangements which do not give rise to the arrangements which do not give rise to the

problem.problem.• Self-management refers to forms of social Self-management refers to forms of social

organization in which people collectively and organization in which people collectively and

individually have a great deal of control over the individually have a great deal of control over the

things which affect their lives.things which affect their lives.• Characteristics of Self-Management are:Characteristics of Self-Management are:

• Lack of hierarchyLack of hierarchy• Equality Equality • Cooperation Cooperation • Community Community • Small size Small size • Decentralization Decentralization

• FlexibilityFlexibility

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• Social skills are most often thought of as a set of Social skills are most often thought of as a set of

skills that allow us to communicate, relate and skills that allow us to communicate, relate and

socialize with others. socialize with others.

•One should note that social skills from one culture One should note that social skills from one culture

to another may be defined differently. to another may be defined differently.

•Social skills include both verbal and nonverbal Social skills include both verbal and nonverbal

forms of communication. forms of communication.

•They often are the way others determine our They often are the way others determine our

status, consider us as potential friends or mates, status, consider us as potential friends or mates,

and consider us for employment or promotions in and consider us for employment or promotions in

the workplace. the workplace. 1010

Social SkillsSocial Skills

When Smart is Dumb:When Smart is Dumb:• Many high IQ scoring students have failed in Many high IQ scoring students have failed in

their practical lives while many average people their practical lives while many average people

have got phenomenon successes.have got phenomenon successes.• The IQ scoring has to play any role in success, it The IQ scoring has to play any role in success, it

can’t be more than 20%; despite that 80% success can’t be more than 20%; despite that 80% success

is based on our emotional intelligence.is based on our emotional intelligence.

Know Thyself:Know Thyself:• We may be more attuned to emotional mind’s We may be more attuned to emotional mind’s

special symbols such as metaphors, similes, special symbols such as metaphors, similes,

poetry, songs and fables. If so then we should try poetry, songs and fables. If so then we should try

our success in these fields instead of following our success in these fields instead of following

predictions made by the IQ tests. Such inner predictions made by the IQ tests. Such inner

attunements make you more gifted then others.attunements make you more gifted then others.

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The Nature of EIThe Nature of EI

Passion’s Slave :Passion’s Slave :• It states that emotional disorders need It states that emotional disorders need

pharmacological help. However, there are certain pharmacological help. However, there are certain

disorders like manic-depression where the patient disorders like manic-depression where the patient

never feels any need for medication. These such never feels any need for medication. These such

severe emotional disorders can hamper your severe emotional disorders can hamper your

success if not handled properly.success if not handled properly.

• We also gives considerable attention to We also gives considerable attention to

depressive states. When we are depressed, we depressive states. When we are depressed, we

need to focus our attention to some upbeat need to focus our attention to some upbeat

activity. However, we should always avoid tragic activity. However, we should always avoid tragic

movies, novels and stories which shall drag our movies, novels and stories which shall drag our

mood further down.mood further down.1212


• Observing that anger is the most difficult Observing that anger is the most difficult

emotional impulse to resist. However, he also does emotional impulse to resist. However, he also does

not support pushing the anger out of awareness.not support pushing the anger out of awareness.

The Master Aptitude :The Master Aptitude :• We have to consider Emotional traits such as We have to consider Emotional traits such as

enthusiasm and persistence. Most of the Asian enthusiasm and persistence. Most of the Asian

students show better record of success than their students show better record of success than their

white counterparts, not for their IQ level but white counterparts, not for their IQ level but

persistence to improve their weaknesses.persistence to improve their weaknesses.

The roots of empathy :The roots of empathy :• Women are better than men in empathy. Women are better than men in empathy.

Empathy helps with romantic life.Empathy helps with romantic life.

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Intimate Enemies :Intimate Enemies :

• This deals with the role of emotion in marital life. This deals with the role of emotion in marital life. It focuses upon the amount of expressive emotions It focuses upon the amount of expressive emotions that each sex makes during different times of their that each sex makes during different times of their lives. They have good friends from the opposite lives. They have good friends from the opposite sexes in their early lives but slowly lose their sexes in their early lives but slowly lose their interest until they achieve puberty and start interest until they achieve puberty and start dating.dating.

• Different studies are placed to prove that girls Different studies are placed to prove that girls can express their emotions better than boys. The can express their emotions better than boys. The reason lies in the fact that girls learn languages reason lies in the fact that girls learn languages more quickly than boys do.more quickly than boys do.

• Men are reluctant to talk with their wives about Men are reluctant to talk with their wives about their relationship. It is observed that men may their relationship. It is observed that men may have a rosier view than their wives of just about have a rosier view than their wives of just about everything in relationship—lovemaking, finances, everything in relationship—lovemaking, finances, ties with in-laws, how well they listened to each ties with in-laws, how well they listened to each other, how much their flaws mattered.other, how much their flaws mattered. 1414

Emotional Intelligence AppliedEmotional Intelligence Applied

• “ “Mirroring” which is used often on marital Mirroring” which is used often on marital therapy. It is repetition of the same sentences in therapy. It is repetition of the same sentences in the same tone by the opposite sex. But this the same tone by the opposite sex. But this technique may be dangerous. When your partner technique may be dangerous. When your partner is covertly-hostile he or she may find a fault in is covertly-hostile he or she may find a fault in your fair comments.your fair comments.

Managing with Heart :Managing with Heart :

• The ultimate study proved that the those peoples The ultimate study proved that the those peoples who are good in emotional intelligence were the who are good in emotional intelligence were the people who used to get their work finished on people who used to get their work finished on time. Interestingly, it is one of the main time. Interestingly, it is one of the main characteristics of the successful people.characteristics of the successful people.

• Peoples who are average or the below average Peoples who are average or the below average scorers in the emotional intelligence people were scorers in the emotional intelligence people were those who start many tasks at a time and leave those who start many tasks at a time and leave most of them unfinished. It is one of the reasons most of them unfinished. It is one of the reasons behind most of the unsuccessful people.behind most of the unsuccessful people. 1515


Mind and Medicine :Mind and Medicine :

• A network of researchers is finding that the A network of researchers is finding that the chemical messengers that operate most chemical messengers that operate most extensively in both brain and immune system are extensively in both brain and immune system are those that are most dense in neural areas that those that are most dense in neural areas that regulate emotion.regulate emotion.

• People who experience chronic anxiety, long People who experience chronic anxiety, long periods of sadness and pessimism, unremitting periods of sadness and pessimism, unremitting tension or incessant hostility, relentless cynicism tension or incessant hostility, relentless cynicism or suspiciousness, face double the risk of disease—or suspiciousness, face double the risk of disease—including asthma, arthritis, headaches, peptic including asthma, arthritis, headaches, peptic ulcers, and heart disease.ulcers, and heart disease.

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Windows of OpportunityWindows of OpportunityThe Family Crucible :The Family Crucible :• Children who are often subject of beating by Children who are often subject of beating by

their parents react with the same way in distress. their parents react with the same way in distress.

They loose empathy if they have to face such They loose empathy if they have to face such

situations frequently.situations frequently.

Trauma and Emotional Relearning :Trauma and Emotional Relearning :• When we face trauma we may end in biological When we face trauma we may end in biological

problems. But the problem becomes severe when problems. But the problem becomes severe when

we put in an uncontrollable stresswe put in an uncontrollable stress.

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Windows of OpportunityWindows of OpportunityTemperament is not Destiny :Temperament is not Destiny :• The people having strong right and left frontal The people having strong right and left frontal

activity were tested on a personality test. The first activity were tested on a personality test. The first

group showed a distinctive behavior.group showed a distinctive behavior.

• They were prone to be moody, suspicious of the They were prone to be moody, suspicious of the

world and worried on small problems. However, world and worried on small problems. However,

the second group showed entirely different trends. the second group showed entirely different trends.

They were lower in depression, more confident and They were lower in depression, more confident and

rewardingly engaged in liferewardingly engaged in life

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Emotional LiteracyEmotional LiteracyThe Cost of Emotional LiteracyThe Cost of Emotional Literacy ::• Some people are unable to differentiate between Some people are unable to differentiate between

being scared and angry. They feel more hunger in being scared and angry. They feel more hunger in

depressing situations and eat more to gain weight. depressing situations and eat more to gain weight.

The people with few friends or with extreme The people with few friends or with extreme

tendencies for loneliness are at great risk of tendencies for loneliness are at great risk of

medical diseases and early death.medical diseases and early death.

Schooling the Emotions :Schooling the Emotions :• We have to train peoples with training programs We have to train peoples with training programs

to educate our “Self Science". We also have to to educate our “Self Science". We also have to

start Emotional coaching such as “Resolving start Emotional coaching such as “Resolving

Conflict Creatively Program” in which Peoples are Conflict Creatively Program” in which Peoples are

encouraged to “be assertive” and articulate their encouraged to “be assertive” and articulate their

feelings in situations involving conflict with others.feelings in situations involving conflict with others.

Questions & AnswersQuestions & Answers

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Understanding Emotional Intelligence

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Transcript of Understanding Emotional Intelligence