THINGS WE'VE THINGS WE'VE LEARNED LEARNED FROM THE FROM THE MOVIES.MOVIES.Or how to use Netflix in the

classroom

During all police During all police investigations, it will be investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip necessary to visit a strip

club at least once.club at least once.

All beds have special L-All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which shaped cover sheets which

reach up to the armpit reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only level on a woman but only to waist level on the man to waist level on the man

lying beside her.lying beside her.

The ventilation system of any The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think place. No one will ever think

of looking for you in there and of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other you can travel to any other

part of the building you want part of the building you want without difficulty.without difficulty.

When paying for a taxi, When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as don't look at your wallet as

you take out a bill - just you take out a bill - just grab one at random and grab one at random and

hand it over. It will always hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.be the exact fare.

Kitchens don't have light Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a switches. When entering a

kitchen at night, you kitchen at night, you should open the fridge should open the fridge door and use that light door and use that light

instead.instead.

Television news bulletins Television news bulletins usually contain a story that usually contain a story that

affects you personally at affects you personally at that precise moment.that precise moment.

A single match will be A single match will be sufficient to light up a sufficient to light up a

room the size of an IMAX room the size of an IMAX theater.theater.

It is always possible to It is always possible to park directly outside the park directly outside the building you are visiting.building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve A detective can only solve a case once he has been a case once he has been

suspended from duty.suspended from duty.

It does not matter if you are It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight heavily outnumbered in a fight

involving martial arts - your involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to enemies will wait patiently to

attack you one by one by attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked manner until you have knocked

out their predecessors.out their predecessors.

Police Departments give Police Departments give their officers personality their officers personality tests to make sure they tests to make sure they

are deliberately assigned a are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total partner who is their total

opposite.opposite.

If staying in a haunted If staying in a haunted house, women should house, women should

investigate any strange investigate any strange noises in their most noises in their most

revealing underwear.revealing underwear.

It is not necessary to say It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when hello or goodbye when

beginning or ending phone beginning or ending phone conversations.conversations.

Should you wish to pass Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German yourself off as a German you need not speak the you need not speak the

language. A German language. A German accent will do.accent will do.

Even when driving down a Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is perfectly straight road it is

necessary to turn the necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously steering wheel vigorously

from left to right every few from left to right every few moments.moments.

The Eiffel Tower can be The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in seen from any window in

Paris.Paris.

You're very likely to You're very likely to survive any battle in any survive any battle in any

war - unless you make the war - unless you make the mistake of showing mistake of showing

someone a picture of your someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.sweetheart back home.

A man will show no pain A man will show no pain while taking the most while taking the most

ferocious beating but will ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a wince in agony when a

woman tries to clean his woman tries to clean his wounds.wounds.

If being chased through If being chased through town, you can usually take town, you can usually take

cover in a passing St. cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at Patrick's Day parade- at

any time of the year.any time of the year.

All grocery shopping bags All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick contain at least one stick

of French bread.of French bread.

It's easy for anyone to land It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is a plane, providing there is

someone in the control someone in the control tower to talk you down.tower to talk you down.

Once applied, lipstick will Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while never rub off - even while

scuba diving.scuba diving.

Mothers routinely cook Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, their family every morning, even though the husband even though the husband and children never have and children never have

time to eat them.time to eat them.

Cars and trucks that crash Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst will almost always burst

into flames.into flames.

If a killer is lurking in your If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find house, it's easy to find

him. Just relax and run a him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the bath - even if it's the

middle of the afternoon.middle of the afternoon.

Medieval peasants had Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.perfect teeth.

All single women have a All single women have a cat.cat.

Any person waking from a Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt nightmare will sit bolt

upright and pant.upright and pant.

One man shooting at 20 One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of men has a better chance of

killing them all than 20 killing them all than 20 men firing at one.men firing at one.

Most people keep a Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any cutting - especially if any of their family or friends of their family or friends

has died in a strange has died in a strange boating accident.boating accident.

When you turn out the When you turn out the light to go to bed, light to go to bed,

everything in your room everything in your room will still be clearly visible, will still be clearly visible,

just slightly bluish.just slightly bluish.

Dogs always know who's Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark bad and will naturally bark

at themat them

When they are alone, all When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak foreigners prefer to speak

English to each other.English to each other.

Action heroes never face Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter charges for manslaughter

or criminal damage despite or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to laying entire cities to

waste.waste.

Whenever a natural or man-Whenever a natural or man-made disaster is about to made disaster is about to occur, the hero escapes occur, the hero escapes

(alive) a nano second before (alive) a nano second before its too late and is catapulted its too late and is catapulted into the air by the force- but into the air by the force- but

is never harmedis never harmed

No matter how badly a No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is internal gravity system is

never damaged.never damaged.

If there is a deranged killer If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will on the loose, this will

coincide with a coincide with a thunderstorm that has thunderstorm that has

brought down all the power brought down all the power and phone lines in the and phone lines in the

vicinity.vicinity.

You can always find a You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're chainsaw whenever you're

likely to need one.likely to need one.

All Americans have phones All Americans have phones which can reach which can reach

throughout the house-even throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If its if it has a cord. If its

cordless- you can pick up cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all perfect reception all

around the house...unless around the house...unless there is a insane killer there is a insane killer

aboutabout

All bombs are fitted with All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices electronic timing devices with large red readouts so with large red readouts so

you know exactly when you know exactly when they're going to go off.they're going to go off.

Guns are like disposable Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of razors - if you run out of

bullets, just throw the gun bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy away. You can always buy

a new one.a new one.

Make-up can safely be Make-up can safely be worn to bed without worn to bed without

smudging.smudging.

Building ventilation ducts Building ventilation ducts are always clean.are always clean.

Film stars are always Film stars are always super-human- they never super-human- they never need to use the bathroomneed to use the bathroom

Any computer, anywhere, Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can even in the jungle, can

hack into the most secure hack into the most secure government system.government system.

Any aliens from outer Any aliens from outer space that you meet will space that you meet will

speak your language.speak your language.

No matter how many times No matter how many times you punch someone they you punch someone they will always come back for will always come back for more - and their wounds more - and their wounds have healed dramatically have healed dramatically

the next daythe next day

All telephone numbers in All telephone numbers in America begin with the America begin with the

digits 555.digits 555.

All handcuffs can easily be All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more opened with nothing more

than a paper clip.than a paper clip.

Grocery shopping bags are Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper made out of brown paper

and there is always enough and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags shopping to fill two bags

exactly.exactly.

If you need to open a If you need to open a locked door make sure you locked door make sure you have a credit card handy, have a credit card handy, that will do. Unless its the that will do. Unless its the door to a burning building door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.with a child trapped inside.

If you need to reload your If you need to reload your gun, you will always have gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying you haven't been carrying

any before now.any before now.

If your town is threatened If your town is threatened by an imminent natural by an imminent natural

disaster or killer beast, the disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.forthcoming art exhibition.

Most laptop computers are Most laptop computers are powerful enough to powerful enough to

override the override the communication systems of communication systems of

any invading alien any invading alien civilization.civilization.

No one involved in a car No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into invasion will ever go into

shock.shock.

When a person is knocked When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never the head, they will never

suffer a concussion or suffer a concussion or brain damage.brain damage.

Large loft-style apartments Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well in New York City are well within the price range of within the price range of most people - whether most people - whether

they are employed or not.they are employed or not.

At least one of a pair of At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.identical twins is born evil.

Should you decide to Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will which wire to cut. You will always choose the right always choose the right

one.one.

Honest and hard working Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally policemen are traditionally gunned down three days gunned down three days before their retirement.before their retirement.

If you are blonde and If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to pretty, it is possible to

become a world expert on become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age nuclear fission at the age

of 22.of 22.

Even if you've been set up for Even if you've been set up for murder, been framed and you murder, been framed and you

have the whole world wide police have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will force hunting you down, you will automatically live happily ever automatically live happily ever after as long as you break away after as long as you break away from the police and kill the bad from the police and kill the bad

guy.guy.

If you desire to send any car If you desire to send any car into flame for any given into flame for any given

reason, just shoot it three reason, just shoot it three times.times.

Any woman who has just Any woman who has just witnessed her father,(brother, witnessed her father,(brother, husband, family member ect) husband, family member ect)

killed right there in front of her, killed right there in front of her, will never be traumatized , morn, will never be traumatized , morn, or be effected in anyway to resist or be effected in anyway to resist

making love to the hero who making love to the hero who saved her!saved her!

Why when the hero of the Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the movie gets the girl at the

end , it seems like they will end , it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet live happily ever after, yet he doesn’t even mention he doesn’t even mention

her name or remember her her name or remember her in sequels!in sequels!