Syracuse University, SUNY-ESFThe Independent LGBTQA Magazine

Spring 2013 / Issue #10

A Gay Educationby Matthew Bennett Jr.

I told Dad that I hated himon the way to the ball park when I was ten years old.More than a decade later,as I stand in the garage holding my dusty glove,I remember that I never took those words back.My heart squirms in such a waythat I feel the need to apologize,but then Dad is staring at me as we sit on the couchdisgusted because he’s just learnedmy life won’t turn out the way he planned.“Is this what I’m paying for?A gay education?”I cry as I rest my head on Mom’s shoulder,and Dad slams the door to his bedroom.I almost want to take backeverything I said,but then I’m standing in the hallway after a showerin my childhood homeon 804 West Green Meadows Road.I wrap the towel around my chestbecause that’s what Katy and Karmen do.Dad rips the towel awaywhipping my thighs as he does so.“Men wear towels like this,” he growlsas he places the towel properly around my waist.I storm into my bedroom, eyes red and embarrassedas my head hits the pillow.I lay there and dreamof how things will be different when I’m older,but then it’s my senior year of collegeand I open the mailbox to find a letterletting me know that Dad is struggling to pay my tuition.I place the letter on the tableas Nate places his hands around my waist.We head up to my bedroom,and the old wooden steps creak so loudlythat a thousand miles awayDad rolls over in his sleep.

outcrowd.su@gmail.com

editorial

creative

special thanks

Editor-in-ChiefManaging Editor

Production Manager

Features EditorArts & Entertainment Editor

Sex & Health EditorSocial Politics Editor

Narrative EditorSocial Media Director

Fact Checker

Design DirectorArt Director

Photography Director

Contributing Writers

Contributing Designers

Contributing Artists/Photographers

Katie DupereMatty BennettShaun Janis

Kassie BrabawChamelia MooreSamantha CrawfordMatty Bennett Kassie BrabawMatty BennettChris McPhersonMitch Campany

Erica FisherKatherine FloresMartin Biando

Joe Goings, Anna Hodge, Jorge Talamantes, Erin Reimel, Danielle Stella, Ken Syme, Julie Wilson, Nicky Zamoida

Taylor Arias, Maya Qian

Natasha Andaz, Emily Andrews, Rachel Barry, Esther Coonfield, Annie Flanagan, Carolyn Glavin, Jack McGowan, Mel Passler, Shira Stoll

Harriet BrownQuartier Printing

Clare Merrick

letter from the editor

If you are at all like me, it’s easy to get angry. Angry with the every day shittiness that inhabits life. And there is a lot of shittiness. Let me count the ways ...

While watching TV (Food Network, to be exact), Paula Deen says her guest’s Southern cookbook is great for a new bride: +1 for sexism, +1 for heterosexism

A poster in Newhouse for a male speaker from a sexist magazine has one sole graphic on it – a pair of female legs in high heels: +1 for sexism

The guy in the dining hall yells “cocksucker” to his friend as an insult: +1 for homophobia

Everyone’s protesting friends on Waverly are equipped with fliers and a Jesus-Hates-You attitude: +1 for bigotry

And so on, and so on, and so on ... Pretty soon it is the tenth time you’ve explained your decision to minor in women’s and gender studies and LGBT studies. It’s the third time in one day that you’ve had to tell people at your job in the art department of the bookstore that no, that flourished wooden letter on your frat paddle is not gay and yes, I have every right to be offended. It’s the sixth time in your college career that you sit down to write a bias-related incident report because another fucking flyer hanging in your residence hall was offensive. Yeah, you may be a little angry. And yeah, you may also be a little like me.

After all of these instances, it’s easy to want to shut down, not explain, and wish you were passive enough to let the ignorant be ignorant. But I’m going to encourage you to do the opposite – be grateful. Be grateful you are attentive. Be grateful you are noticing injustice. Be grateful you are angry. Take the “I feel like this is wrong” feeling and turn it into “I know that this is wrong and I’m gonna do something about it.”

The OutCrowd will be your little activist friend.

That sometimes needed assurance of, “Yeah, we feel you and no, you aren’t overreacting.” That little push to get you through when you feel defeated by, like, the entire world. We may only be a tiny, 49-paged, saddle-stitched magazine, but we want to inspire you and have you inspire us through anger. Because our collective anger means passion.

So let’s get pissed: Isn’t this Boy Scout scenario totally fucked up (pg. 34)? Does straight girls kissing to turnon straight men tick you off as much as it bothers us (pg. 20)? Doesn’t the way gender is presented in Mrs. Doubtfire get you down (pg. 40)?

Let’s talk about this shit. Let’s push through that feeling of defeated anger to use it actively. As my personal favorite activist, The Lorax, once said “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

Let’s get pissed. Let’s get passionate. Let’s get caring. Let’s talk change.

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The views expressed in The OutCrowd do not necessarily represent those of the entire staff of the publication, its sponsors, or of Syracuse University as an institution. The OutCrowd welcomes all submissions and suggestions but

reserves the right to refuse materials at the discretion of its editors. All contents of the publications are copyright 2013 by their creator and may not be reproduced without their consent.

narrative

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Totally Different WorldsSelena Gomez: No Other Woman Can CompareAll You Are Technical Foul

sex & health

68

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Bi and DevotedChronicles of a Grindr Noob Do You Believe in MagicCuring Gay America: A Self-Help Guide

feature

2028

Kiss the Girl Coming Out 2.0

social politics

323446

The Hate CyclePhysically Strong, Mentally Awake, Morally StraightVeiled Yet Vibrant

arts & entertainment

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Evolution of EntertainmentQueer Across the CountryNew-Age Anthems Lost in Trans*-lationHowl Like You Mean ItComic

photospread

49

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Jorge Talamantes

Making Up a New PersonaA Long Goodbye

out

table of contents

4 spring 2013

Evolution of EntertainmentThe sitcoms that are queer and dear to us throughout primetime history

by Kassie Brabawillustrations by Esther Coonfield Archie Bunker is without

a doubt one of TV’s biggest bigots, but somehow his show was able to break ground for the queer community. Throughout the series’ run, a masculine gay man, “female impersonator,” and lesbian cousin all pushed Archie’s buttons — and pushed them good.

This police sitcom, which consulted the then National Gay Task Force to develop three gay characters, gave viewers a believable gay couple in Marty and Darryl, and an even more believable story line for officer Zatelli who starts being harassed at work once he comes out as a gay man.

All in the Family

(1971-1979)

Barney Milller

(1975-1982)

All That Glitters

(1977)

Ellen

(1994-1998)

Friends

(1994-2004)

Sex and the City

(1998-2004)

This show featured the nation’s first transgender character, model Linda Murkland. Unfortunately America wasn’t ready for Linda and the show was cancelled after only 13 weeks on air.

We watch reruns religiously and cry happy tears every time Ross stops Rachel from getting on that plane. But did anyone really think of Friends as a ground breaking show for gay rights? Probably not. Fun fact: Friends depicted one of the first gay weddings in sitcom history when Ross’s ex-wife Carol marries Susan in season two.

‘Murica was shocked when Ellen and Ellen came out in 1997. Coming out concurrently with the actress who played her, Ellen Morgan, a quirky former bookshop owner with even quirkier friends, became the first lesbian title character in the history of television. One year later, ABC cancelled the series because it had become “too gay.” Really?

When a show talks about this much sex, queer people cannot be ignored. Stanford and Marcus, Sex and the City’s

resident gays, are one of the most adorable gay couples on TV. Sexually promiscuous Samantha “represents” the bisexual community in her brief relationship with Maria. Visibility? Yes. Good visibility? Ehhhh …

arts & entertainment

5spring 2013

Evolution of Entertainmentby Kassie Brabawillustrations by Esther Coonfield

You don’t get gayer than four old women living together in Florida — especially if one of those women is Betty White. Throw in Blanche’s brother Clayton, who comes out and eventually gets engaged to his partner Doug, and it’s no wonder that we still love Golden Girls.

Cliff Waters shocks his older brothers in episode one when he comes out of the closet instead of getting married, giving unheard of visibility to the queer community as Cliff’s brothers “come to terms” with his sexuality throughout the series. One of the most groundbreaking characters on the show is Cliff’s friend Donald Maltby, an out man who is actually proud to be gay.

Golden Girls

(1985-1992)

Brothers

(1984-1989)

My So Called Life

(1994-1995)

Queer as Folk

(2000-2005)

Will and Grace

(1998-2006)

Glee

(2009-present)

The Kurt Hummel of the 90s, Ricky Vasquez was unfortunately not lucky enough to have Burt by his side. Our hearts all broke when Ricky called Mr. Katimski shivering from a pay phone after he had been thrown out onto the streets.

You just can’t have an evolu-tion of gay characters in sitcoms without mentioning Will and Grace. Will and Jack accurately show that all gay men are not the same and they do it with humor. How refreshing!

This adaptation of a British sitcom, Queer As Folk shows the everyday lives of … you guessed it, queer people. What you might not know, is that it was the first hour-long American drama to do so. These characters have an intricate web of relationships and friendships – it’s almost like real life.

The show some of us love to hate and others hate to love. No matter your feelings about Glee, we all must admit it shows an enormous range of queerness. Glee has depicted everything from the self-hating gay man to the most accepting father ever (Hey, Burt Hummel!).

sex & health

6 spring 2013

Bi and DevotedWhen the eye of society is on a bisexual woman in love

by Erica Fisher

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When people look at me,

sometimes I wonder what

they see.

Physically, they see a 20-something girl, 5’6” with brown hair and blue eyes. A straight 20-something girl, 5’6” with brown hair and blue eyes. People don’t see me as a girl who is

attracted to girls, so I have to surpass the stereotypes. I always get the same reactions: “You don’t look like a lesbian,” “You and your boyfriend should have a threesome,” “You’re a selfish slut”, etc.

My name is Erica Fisher, and I am a bisexual woman in a monogamous relationship with a straight male.

Relationships can be difficult, no matter your sexuality or gender identity. We are all human (probably) and a lot of us are going to go through that annoying, exciting roller coaster that is a relationship. Relationships are not always easy and commitment can be tough, but being a bisexual woman in a relationship has added flips and corkscrews that have gotten to be nauseating and unbearable.

I met my boyfriend when I was at home on Long Island in summer 2011 and have now been dating him for over a

year. His name is Ryan Scall; he is a senior at University at Buffalo, on the club hockey team, and is studying environmental engineering. Coming out to Ryan was one of the easiest, but most nerve-wracking coming out experiences for me, simply because our mutual friend told me I should NOT tell him I am bisexual. “It will scare him away… he wouldn’t be ok with it …

sex & health

7spring 2013

“Monogamy is NOT a possibility for someone who is bisexual.”

Oc

he’s not familiar with that kind of shit.”

Being the independent thinker I am, I disregarded what my friend said and told Ryan one of my biggest “secrets.” Apparently, he already knew, was incredibly accepting, and didn’t understand why I was so afraid to tell him.

I thought to myself, great–the hard part is over right? WRONG.

According to society, monogamy is not a

possibility for someone who is bisexual. People think that bisexuals can’t be monogamous because they think we always want men and women at the same time. They think we are overly sexual beings who crave sex. The stereotype that bisexuals are more open to threesomes because they have to be with males and females has haunted me, and I know it will not stop.

Sophomore Aaron Goldsmith, who identifies as bisexual, can relate. Aaron is currently in a relationship with a man. He and his partner do not label their relationship as gay and

have a mutual understanding they are in a monogamous relationship.

“There is a stereotype with bisexuals and monogamy, and that is that people are unable to trust us,” he said.

It is obviously problematic when you feel like your own community doesn’t accept or trust you in monogamous relationships. And I personally have witnessed individuals who label themselves as a part of the LGBT community, but say bisexuals do not exist.

In order for bisexual individuals to feel fully accepted and understood, this needs to change.

As SUNY Oswego sophomore Chris Jankovski, Aaron’s partner, said: “If you can’t stop using homophobic slander in your community, how do you expect other people to come to terms with it as well?”

So, will it actually “get better” from here? The only factor that we can rely on is whether or not people open their mind to the possibility I could like both men and women, but love only one guy.

8 spring 2013

sex & health Chronicles of a Grindr Noob

Deception on the social app is easier than you thinkby Matthew Bennett Jr.

.

We all have our moment of clarity. Some of those moments involve relationships (that moment after your breakup when you understand why everyone thought his laugh was obnoxious yet you found it charming), some moments deal with the professional world (that moment you realize that you spent $200,000 getting a degree in philosophy and you now work at Starbucks), and some moments are just hard to swallow (that moment you’re chowing down on a Crunchwrap Supreme from Taco Bell at 2:30 a.m. after a night of drinking and you question your current life situation).

I recently had one of these moments of clarity. I don’t think I ever fully understood how easy it is to manipulate people until I inevitably downloaded the Grindr app. Yes, sadly yes, the infamous Grindr. It is here that I realized how easy it is to become a professional in textual deception.

While some Grindr users claim not to be interested in hooking up, let’s be honest: the

end goal is, more often than not, hooking up. The ways in which users go about choosing their potential hookup partners can get ugly (and no, I’m not talking about the 52-year-old balding male with a beer gut who sends you the message “Hung?” every couple days type of ugly).

Those few, sheltered individuals who are unaware of Grindr’s wrath may need some filling in. Basically, every user has a picture (or they leave their profile blank and you must ask to see a picture), a name (if you so choose), some defining attributes (I’m 22, nearby, and clearly not in shape), and finally a short bio. Here is where the gloves come off. I assumed this was where a typical individual would give a few short tidbits about himself. For example: “Hey there! I love playing videogames, watching How I Met Your Mother, and oh yeah, sex.” Yet, I was surprised to discover that the short bio area was used for different purposes.

As I perused various profiles, I began to notice an interesting trend. A lot of the bios read something like this: “I’m masc. and I only like masc. guys.” Some were slightly more rude: “Lookin for masc guys. You fat? Go to the gym! SMDH what are u doing with ur life? Dont waste my time.” Some were straightforward: “Be masculine.” And others were just ignorant: “Masc. only. Not into gay shit.”

Being an English major, I love language and the different ways in which particular vernaculars shape our experiences. Obviously language is of the utmost importance on something like Grindr; there are absolutely no

illustration by Esther Coonfield

9spring 2013

body language cues or voice inflections that allude to any underlying meanings. Instead, the body language lies hidden in the text.

Since the recent start of my “Grindring” escapades, I have paid particular attention to this supposed “masculine” text. I began chatting with many of these self-proclaimed masculine men (who only wanted other masculine men), and thus my “studies” began. My findings showed a distinct, particular style of text reserved specifically for gay, masculine men. Here are some rules on perfecting “masculine text.”

Masculine Text 101:

Rule #1: When messaging, punctuation is unnecessary unless you are asking a question. Even then, the question mark is not warranted and can be left up to your discretion. Example: “soo what are you doing tonight”Rule #2: When starting a casual conversation,

any form of hello is also unnecessary. You can simply start the conversation with: “bro.” If you feel a form of hello is warranted, use “yo,” or any variation of “yo.” Example: “Yooo”

Rule #3: When messaging, pretend as though capitalization does not exist. Example:”dan whats good”

Rule #4: Use ellipses in every message possible. It is even preferable to use numerous ellipses in the same message. Example: “nothing much … getting food now … class got out early”

Rule #5: Incorrectly use your/you’re. Along those same lines, incorrectly use to/too/two. Example: “yo … your hot. want too hang”Rule #6: There is a definite limit to how

many times you can string “ha” together. When attempting to convey laughter via text, keep it a simple “haha.” If something is actually funny and you aren’t just using haha as filler text, add an ‘h’ to the end, as

in “hahah.” Restrain yourself. Stringing too many “ha’s” together makes your flamboyant gayness become noticeable, as in “hahahahahahaha.”

Rule #7: Use any of the following words in approximately 50% of your texts: dude, bro, chill, man, dope.

It didn’t take long before I was able to perfectly craft my own masculine text. Thus, I was able to convince practically anyone in the Grindrsphere that I was a “chill dude.” Anyone who knows me personally knows that I would never use either of these words to describe myself. As much as I wanted to be what these masculine men wanted, I knew that I wasn’t. I knew that the moment the Grindr walls came down and we met in person, the charade would be over. I realized how easy it was to manipulate someone else’s beliefs about me through this textual deception – and that’s when the moment of clarity came. I finally understood how much this gay hookup app was really lacking.

No matter what anyone or any statistic says (supposedly three-fifths of gay relationships start online, according to Standford research – this includes the Grindrsphere), nothing can ever replace the initial meeting of two people in person. No application can substitute the brilliance, chemistry, and excitement of the present moment. So, go ahead and use “masculine text” to deceive those Grindr guys with their perfectly molded pectorals that only wear flannel and replace hello with “bro.” In the end, while your head is down and thumbs are blazing as you perfect your masculine text, you’re going to miss the cutie that’s checking you out right now. In line. At Chipotle. In the present moment.

illustration by Esther Coonfield

Oc

10 spring 2013

“Making Up”

Drag is more than just a performance art. It is an art of fashion, styling and roleplaying. Makeup allows kings and

queens to cloud their gender identity and create a new persona.

11spring 2013

a New Personaby Martin Biando

12 spring 2013

Totally Different Worlds

A few feet away, yet the queer experience at SUNY-ESF differs greatly from SU

by Danielle Stella

Two smiling faces walk hand-in-hand down the pathway through the Syracuse University quad. Nothing seems terribly out of the ordinary, but the couple gains the attention of quite a few passersby – and not in a good way either. Students scoff and stare as the same-sex couple stops smiling and uncomfortably continues their journey, refusing to pull apart their hands just because of a few narrow-minded people.

Unfortunately, this is a situation that happens all too often, and is a scenario that happened between my girlfriend and me not more than a month ago. The interesting thing that I have discovered is that I only ever get said stares when walking through the SU campus. Now, I am not saying that every person on SU campus is narrow-minded and will take the opportunity to scoff at a same-sex couple, because that would be far from true. But, from my own experiences, I can honestly say that when crossing from my safe haven into SU

territory, I don't always feel at ease.

My home among homes, the campus I scoured to find when looking through numerous colleges of where I wanted to attend, is that of ESF, Syracuse's infamous close-knit group of neighbors, whose quad could most likely fit inside the smallest building on SU campus. It is a community of scientists. It is also a community in which I never feel as if holding the hand of my girlfriend will attract the judgmental stares of my fellow classmates. The reason I think this may be, apart from the fact that these are indeed the students I plan on graduating with, is because of the specific bond that binds us all: the love for the environment. I know that this may seem like a typical stumpy comment – but don't write me off just yet. I honestly believe that the nature of a person who has an attentive yearning to protect the environment is a person that has no trouble opening their heart for people who aren't your dictionary-definition of "normal.”

13spring 2013

Totally Different Worlds

"I honestly believe that the nature of a person who has an attentive yearning to protect the environment is a person that has no trouble opening their heart for people who aren't your dictionary-definition of 'normal.' "

ESF is a school in which this love for the Earth is deemed as necessary. Perhaps the reason that environmentalists are so accepting is that they too must often have their interests pushed toward the back burner. The queer community also has its interests, like that of gay marriage and rights within the workplace, pushed aside for things deemed“more important." It is in this sense that I think the two communities are somewhat intertwined. Both groups know what it is like for society to overlook what it is needed. Both groups are often ignored and seen as nothing but radical people who are going through a phase.

I do believe that there are many good people that attend Syracuse University. But as long as ESF students are partaking in the greater scheme of the school, to make the world a better place, they are more than welcome to join hands with that of their lover or that of their fellow classmate.

illustration by Rachel Barry

Oc

14 spring 2013

Queer Across arts & entertainment

the Country

From Key West to Wyoming, queer adventures are all over the US

by Julie Wilson

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1. CaliforniaThe Castro District in San Francisco boasts

everything gay—restaurants, shopping malls, theaters, stores. The Castro even includes the building that once housed Harvey Milk’s camera store, Castro Camera. Some have even claimed to see Milk’s ghost in the store.

2. Wyoming If for some reason you ever find yourself

stranded in the Mountain Time Zone, make sure you stop by the University of Wyoming in Laramie, Wyoming. It was there, over a decade ago, that gay student Matthew Shepard was tortured and murdered in a hate crime. Honor his memory by visiting the bench placed by the University in Quealy Plaza.

3. IllinoisSpeaking of Chicago, you should stop in

Boystown, the first officially recognized gay village in the United States. It is here, my queer friends, at Chicago’s Gay Mart that you will finally stock up on your much-needed “gay gear” and souvenirs. Maybe catch a baseball game at Wrigley Field. Halsted Street is your best bet for finding more gay businesses nearby. And stop by the Charlie’s bar to see how it compares to its Denver sibling.

4. PennsylvaniaNext stop on this queer-tastic road trip:

the gayborhood in the Center City district of Philly. It’s got the oldest queer bookstore in the country, Giovanni’s Room, which has a title for everyone.

5. New YorkIt’s been called “Ken and Barbie’s dream

house on acid” and “The Disneyland of Drag”. Lips, a NYC drag dining experience, boasts Dinner and a Diva—drag shows and good food—every night Tuesday through Sunday. Are musicals more your thing? Head to the New World Stages to catch the off-Broadway show, Avenue Q. One of the most popular songs is “If You Were Gay” and parodies Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street. After some renovations, the Stonewall Inn has been reborn. It now hosts cabaret, drag shows, trivia nights, karaoke, local musicians, and even gay wedding receptions (time to live out that secret dream of being a wedding crasher).

6. Florida Stop by Gianni Versace’s Miami Beach

mansion, Casa Casaurina, just by the water. The gay head of the international fashion house was shot dead on the steps in July 1997 by a another gay man (rejection turned awry? Jealousy? We’ll never know—the murderer shot himself a few days later, dun dun dun). Check out The Garden of Eden, a clothing-optional bar, on Duval Street in Key West, Florida. It’s not awkward to keep your clothes on, so if you’re not up for stripping down, you can still hang out in this rooftop bar and enjoy the entertainment of older people who think they should still be running around topless, or pantless, or both.

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BONUS! Car Games • See who can unwrap a Starburst or tie a cherry

stem in their mouth.• Feel like reading while your best friend is

driving? Read out loud the sex surveys in Cosmo or catch up on Out, The Advocate, or your favorite local queer publication, The OutCrowd. For a longer read, there’s 50 Shades of Gay. Yep, that’s a thing.

• Assign someone to make a queer playlist, and if you’re totally lost, go to page 36 in this issue for some “New-Age Gay Anthem.”

narrative

16 spring 2013

Selena Gomez: No Other Woman Can Compare

by Ken Syme

To Julianne: the second grade crush. The young girl who stole the attention of a grade, the target of the popular and the dream of the weak. The great equalizer of heterosexuality, the impossibility for every boy yet a secret hope inspired by his quest for acceptance. Her long brown hair and radiant smile represented what should be attractive, not who, and the crush became a loud secret, a testament to a normality that was yet to exist but sure to be necessary.

Julianne. The first in a long line of girls who wasn’t attracted to me – a series of rejections and disappointing outcomes that would continue for years. The Heartbreak Hotel may be full of guests, but it doesn’t matter when you’re alone in your room.

Eventually, Kim came along.

She knew for years that I was attracted to her, but for a long time she didn’t feel the same way. I asked her out a ton of times – more than I can remember, and certainly more than I can count. She didn’t seem to mind and nothing really changed – it was just a game of odds for me, which worked out, so I suppose I did something right. Either way, before our relationship even began she knew that I had become a fan of Selena Gomez – the gorgeous

Disney star with the long brown hair and radiant smile.

The first person I told, however, was my friend Joey. He was my best friend, so when he burst out laughing I didn’t mind. I couldn’t blame him – I was known for being tough, for being a man’s man. Yet, for some reason, I felt compelled to tell Kim, too. And she too was incredulous.

I was driving them home from the movies – it was the best part of our time together – I was the only one of us with a car, so I was always the designated driver when we went to the movies or to Kennywood, or to mini golf, or wherever. It was odd – we always had a great time doing whatever activity we chose, but the part I always looked forward to the most was the ride home – the time in the car, with the radio off and the sounds of the night filling the air as we cruised along on the empty night road talking about whatever came to mind – it could be something stupid – the obese man who’d apparently thought it reasonable to prance about the amusement park shirtless with funnel cake – or it could be serious – the future. We were the troubled teens of the new generation and yet we were the same as the old generations, which I suppose is why we were so troubled. Kim and I were dating,

narrative

17spring 2013

but when the three of us were together that tie was severed and we became a unit. Joey was my best friend – the one I turned to for everything. He was the one who encouraged me to ask Kim out, to get up the courage, to go see a movie, to get my dad’s car, to ask her to prom, to pay for the limo, the dance, the dinner, and everything in between, and eventually, he was the one to help me through the break up, the moving on, the falling back, and the moving on.

I was the Selena Gomez fan and the boy who asked out the girl I had a crush on. In my senior year of a high school, the year Kim and I spent together, I came out with my Selena secret. It was huge. I was a teenage rower who benched 255 pounds, didn’t take shit from anybody, idolized Lou Ferrigno, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, U2, loved football and boxing, and melted at the sight of the Disney princess who starred on Wizards of Waverly

Place. This secret – the secret that I was so ashamed of – left me in an odd position – do I retain my masculinity by hiding my feminine fandom? Or, should I assert my masculinity by embracing my perceived femininity? I opted for the latter option, and I wrote an article for my school newspaper that announced my status as the world’s most outwardly masculine Disney fan-girl. Once I had announced my secret my exterior shell of masculinity had been covered with a blanket of femininity. I wrote:

“As the thought of revealing an embarrassing secret about myself went ‘Round and Round’ in my head, I decided to ‘Shake it Up’ and ‘Live Like There’s No Tomorrow.’ ‘Naturally,’ I made a ‘Scene’ out of the revelation in an effort

to get ‘More’ readers. So, I must follow my ‘Intuition’ and walk out into the ‘Spotlight.’ Therefore, without further ado, I will answer the call of ‘Tell Me Something I Don’t Know,’ and declare; I am a fan of Selena Gomez. Yes, you read that correctly. I, Ken Syme, a fan of U2, Green Day, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, a weightlifter, swimmer, and rower, get just as excited about a new Selena Gomez album as the average 12-year-old girl does (and yes, I did buy the Deluxe Edition of her new album, A Year Without Rain). As it turns out, nobody’s impressed with how much I can bench when ‘Round and Round’ is blaring from my iPod. While other macho guys got pumped up about the release of The

Expendables, I rushed out to see Ramona and

Beezus. ‘The Way I Loved You’ is the most played song on my iPod, I am a member of her fan club, and I wrote this article without needing to research anything about her.”

But Selena didn’t just shape me, she also put Kim into perspective – instead of seeing Kim as perfection, I began to compare her to my perceived image of Gomez, which allowed me to prepare for my next brutally ended relationship with ease. So, soon Gomez became my picture of perfection and my image of an ideal woman – because it was easy to extrapolate on who she was as a person based who she was as a celebrity. And, time after time I was proven right. Even now, years after I initially declared my fandom, Gomez has yet to do anything that would offend anyone – she has become my ideally perfect woman, and she’s made it easier to accept rejections from the everyday women who I can now pretend are somehow imperfect. Oc

arts & entertainment

18 spring 2013

“If I was gay, I would think hip-

hop hates me / Have you read the

YouTube comments lately?”

Macklemore

From Tyler, The Creator to Lil Wayne, it is common knowledge that the rap and hip-hop genres are less than accepting toward the queer community. With frequent use of the term “faggot” to discriminatory lyrics toward queer people, it is difficult to find a rap song to listen to that isn’t offensive. So in 2012, when rapper and producer duo Macklemore and Ryan Lewis released their song “Same Love,” they made strides toward a change that rap and hip-hop desperately needs: acceptance, less discrimination, and more potential gay

anthems.While “Same Love” might be the first power

song in the mainstream rap community, gay anthems are much more frequent in other genres, and have a much deeper history. Songs like “We Are Family” came out of the R&B genre in the late 1970s, Christina Aguilera’s ballad “Beautiful” debuted in the mid-2000s, and Jessie J’s 2011 pop/rock song “Who You Are” are all examples of gay anthems that have empowered members of the queer community.

Let’s look at what makes a gay anthem. While this can be a pretty subjective topic, it usually comes down to a few key things: confidence, community, reassurance, and motivation.

Confidence- “F**kin’ Perfect” by P!nk: As members of a marginalized community, people who identify as queer have had their fair share of self-doubt. Whether it’s coming out, dealing with labels, or struggling with identity, it’s comforting to know that no matter what anyone says, you are good just how you are -- or, in the words of P!nk, “you’re f**kin’ perfect.”

New - Age Gay Anthems

by Nicky Zamoida

Sing it in the car, the elevator, the shower―these songs give us power

illustration by Emily Andrews

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The gay anthem phenomenon and songs that appeal to the queer community are spreading throughout the music world. Macklemore’s “Same Love” and Frank Ocean’s coming out are positive influences not only in the rap genre, but may also leave their

marks on the rest of society as well. While several of these tunes might be hidden gems in the queer community, they are enjoyed for their strong message that says,

“We are here, we are queer, and we have the music to prove it.” Rock on. Oc

Motivation - “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor: Once you’ve heard the songs that tell you it gets better, that you’re not alone, and that you’re perfect, where do you find the drive to get to that point? The motivational songs that have turned into gay anthems over the years have provided that drive for queer music listeners, and one of the earliest songs to do so is “I Will Survive,” a disco jam that screams empowerment and strength.

Top 10 Gay Anthems (No Order)

“Same Love” Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

“I Will Survive” Gloria Gaynor

“Beautiful” Christina Aguilera

“F**kin’ Perfect” P!nk

“Who You Are” Jessie J

“True Colors” Cyndi Lauper

“We Are Family”Sister Sledge

“Vogue”Madonna

“The Fighter”Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder

“Boy Is A Bottom”Willam, Detox & Vicky Vox

Sing it in the car, the elevator, the shower―these songs give us powerCommunity- “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge: Any song can be inspirational in that “I can do this” way. But not every song has a “we can do this” attitude, and that sense of community is critical to the queer collective. “We Are Family” embodies this oneness that is, after all, the heart of the queer community.

Reassurance - “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper: Another theme in the queer community is individuality. In a society full of conformity and fear of difference, a message that “it’s okay to be different” is critical. Lauper has an awesome way of getting this across -- plus, you can’t ignore the color = rainbow connection.

Kiss the GirlStraight girls kiss, straight men watch, and

why that matters to queer peopleby Anna Hodge

I was unsure how to react when my two

close female friends started to make out

with one another.

It was a Friday night following Thanksgiving break. My friends and I were back together in my dorm room, preparing for a night of fun and letting loose.

My friends, both of them straight and in relationships, passionately swapped spit for one minute before parting lips, looking at each other and laughing. The fusion of alcohol consumption and male presence equated to straight-girl on straight-girl action.

What surprised me was how casually the situation was treated. After the alcohol wore off and a new day began, the two girls laughed off their hook-up. It was nothing more than a funny story to share in the dining hall the following morning.

“Oh yeah, we made out last night,” one girl giggled. They shared glances that suggested the kiss was like an inside joke — understood by only the two of them.

Our generation is just as synonymous with

technology and social media as it is with random hook-ups — the act of making out (or more) with a stranger at a party. The phenomenon extends to straight girls who engage in random hook-ups with each other.

A paper published in Psychology of Women

Quarterly found that 69 percent of college students have “been at a party at college and seen 2 girls kissing or making out” while 33 percent of college women have “kissed or made out with someone of the same-sex at a college party.”

The act of straight girls kissing is becoming a college staple. Many girls who engage in the activity don’t necessarily view it as potentially negative act.

*Lizzie, a freshman at Syracuse University, first kissed another straight girl at a party the summer before the start of her freshman year. She views the act “as another form of having fun.”

According to Lizzie, alcohol is influential in her make out sessions with her female friends.

“I’ve only kissed other girls when I’ve been

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slightly intoxicated,” she said. “Alcohol has the influence of relaxing inhibitions and making people more affectionate than they would normally be.”

Ultimately, she says the presence of men encourages the act.

“I think other straight girls do it because they’re either just having fun, or they’re feeling pressure from the guys they may be around at the time to do it to get a reaction out of people,” Lizzie said.

And, according to Lizzie, her male friends will openly admit to enjoying watching girls kiss other girls.

Straight girls kissing one another is often not taken as seriously as real intimacy, making it a casual – and often intoxicated – activity performed by young women, according to Elizabeth Payne, director of The Queering Education Research Institute (QuERI). Payne

adds that it is believed female desire is in service of male desire.

“A lot of girls who engage in this are in relationships with men, meaning the intimacy with other girls is allowed because there is an agreement,” Payne said. “It is not considered threatening to the primary relationship.”

The essay, “Straight Girls Kissing,” by Leila J. Rupp and Verta Taylor, published in 2010, discusses how patriarchy is partially behind straight girl on straight girl action.

“…boys enjoying the sight of girls making out recalls the feminist notion of the ‘male gaze,’ calling attention to the power embodied in men as viewers and women as the viewed,” says Rupp and Taylor.

Society’s commodification of female sexuality and of intimate interactions between women, according to Rupp and Taylor, proves that sexuality is gendered. “That is, men do not,

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at least in contemporary American culture, experience the same kind of fluidity,” the study states. “Although they may identify as straight and have sex with other men, they certainly don’t make out at parties for the pleasure of women.”

According to Payne, the act of straight girls kissing sends the message that female intimacy is not legitimate and only exists for male attention—making intimacy between women extremely “pornified.” She adds that women who are truly searching for their sexual

identity tend to explore that part of themselves privately.

“The majority of women who are not sure of their sexuality do not do it in a public place,” Payne said. “Doing that in public would be a threatening experience because your identity is at stake.”

Although Lizzie has kissed other straight girls, she does not question her sexuality. However, she does recognize that the act itself can trivialize the queer community.

“For people in relationships, a kiss is supposed to mean something and shows genuine affection for the other person,” Lizzie said. “But when straight girls are kissing other straight girls just for a reaction at a party, it becomes

mainly sexual and takes away meaning for the girls who may genuinely like other girls.”

According to Lizzie, the presence of males and the consumption of alcohol are the constants in the make out sessions, and are the reasons they still occur.

“Girls often feel the pressure to be sexy and that often means kissing other girls because the majority of guys will say that watching things like that turns them on,” Lizzie said.

Women performing acts of same-sex desire for the male gaze is not anything new. Robin Riley, an assistant professor of women’s and gender studies, described a historical context around this behavior. She stated that in decades past, men would call out women to kiss each other for money. Riley described more current situations of same-sex performatory affection as enforcing “the idea that women have sex for the entertainment of men.”

Payne adds that ultimately, women will not have control over their sexuality until there is complete gender equality.“Women’s liberation is not done,” Payne said. “There are still steps we need to take to get solutions.’

“I’ve only kissed girls when I’ve been slightly intoxicated.”

*Editor’s Note: Names marked by asterisk

changed for anonymity

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Everyone remembers their first love. In a world that is still filled with so much hate toward the queer community, it can be difficult to find love amongst it all. When you do find that

someone, you want to hold on to them for eternity. But what happens when one person in the relationship wants to let go?

This series is about a relationship that took an abrupt turn. One minute, everything seemed fine and the next minute the relationship was over. Daisy is coping with the loss of her first love.

The first girl she’s ever had the courage to love. And when they found that love, she didn’t care who knew – her parents, her friends, her gospel choir. All accepted and embraced this love.

Now, she will move on, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy. But the same supportsystem that helped her embrace her love will be there for her now that it is over.

A Long Goodbyespread by Chris McPherson

“Even though we’re broken up, I still get so excited when she texts me.”

“Even though we’re broken up, I still get so excited when she texts me.”

“I don’t want to be just friends with her. We are either together or not.”

“I’m over it. I can’t keep doing this.”

All You Arenarrative

by Nicky Zamoida

When you play the game, sheer concentration takes over your mind and body. Your jersey is tight around your biceps, sleeves pulled snug against your muscles as you hurl the ball to second base. Your calves are thick but stiff, strength emanating from their cores, hidden underneath the tall socks you wear, but still present all the same. The only curves are from the muscles that tone your thighs, and they are only visible when you crouch down to catch a ground ball. Your hands, large and calloused, are tight around the grip of the bat, ready to release after the contact of a pitch. Your body is strong, tough, built. You are athletic.

When you walk down 14th Street, you have a hint of swagger, a way of dragging your heels on the pavement with a pace that announces that you aren’t in a rush to get anywhere. You stroll into your destinations upon arrival, with a nod to the people you recognize. At parties, you dance with an ability that catches everyone’s eyes in the room. Your body sways, pressing to your partner: leading, never following. You have the rhythm that attracts everyone, you are smooth, self-assured. You hold your head high and keep your grin sly. You are cocky.

When you sleep in your boxers, the elastic band hugs your abs, rising and falling with your steady breaths of slumber. Your flat stomach is accentuated by those lines at the top of your legs that lead down to your sex, accompanied by a trail of sparse hair sprinkled in a line leading from your belly button to the same destination. The opening in the front of your boxers reveals the patch of hair underneath, curly and dark. A low groan

escapes your lips as you go through the motions of dreaming. You are sexy.

When you face your fears, you do so boldly: head on, fists up. The normal fears that plague the public are insignificant to you: heights are just another obstacle, public speaking is your strong suit, and you stare failure right in the eyes with your drive and work ethic. You are protective, territorial; what’s yours is yours. You keep your loved ones safe, and don’t allow them any harm. You are the one who comforts those who wake up from nightmares, the one who inspects a foreign sound. You are competitive, driven, a born leader. You are meant to win whatever competition is put in your path, to prove to yourself if not everyone else that you can succeed. You feed off of success. You don’t take orders from anyone. You are determined.

You are woman, above all else; the mentally headstrong woman who lets nothing get in her way in a masculine-run world. You were the girl on the baseball field, in a league full of boys and better than most of them. You are going to be the boss of a company; you are going to get paid as much as, if not more than, your male counterparts. You are the only woman in a room full of men coding computer programs. You are presentable, a good talker, sure of yourself; an exceptional example that brains come before brawn when you, a woman, nail a job interview in a male-dominated career. You are the beautiful exception to all those misogynistic rules saying that your muscles are for men, that your dance moves are for guys, that your body hair is for boys. You are the bold, brave, driven role model for the girls that want to grow up to be something, an example-setter for those to be walking down the same path. You are woman, and boy do I love hearing you roar. Oc

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Coming Out 2.0How Facebook has created a new era

of coming out by Katie Dupere

His timeline says it was somewhere before cheesy prom photos but after accepting an offer to college. After countless posts wishing him a happy 18th birthday but before posting a picture of his freshly pierced ear.

But Massachusetts native Tyler Frazer will tell you it was a Sunday night in April 2012, right before the zombies came into his living room.

His mom called him from downstairs as she had countless times before. The Walking

Dead was about to start. He quickly clicked in the status bar on Facebook and his fingers flew across the keyboard. Without deleting the words like he had many times before, he hit “post.” And without looking back at his computer screen, he followed his mother’s voice downstairs to where the zombies waited.

The show was an hour’s distraction from a life-altering moment. Tyler’s eyes were on the television screen, but his mind was wandering back upstairs to his computer. He knew as his Facebook friends were refreshing their newsfeed, they would get his message:

I’m no longer afraid to admit that I’m gay …

Thank you to my loving friends.

***Social media is infamous for encouraging

the exchange of private, personal information. For queer people, little gets more personal than coming out. With 95 percent of people born between 1991 and 1995 having a Facebook and 50 percent of those people

updating daily, the integration of social media into everyday interactions has made this avenue into a place to share all – even sexuality. Connie Albert, a doctoral student at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro, studied the new trend of the cyber coming out and found that social media has redefined this once deeply private process. Albert discovered that coming out via social media gives people a platform to express their sexuality without percieving a risk physically or emotionally. Posting is fast, easy, and widespread – which can also cause problems.

***She was in the company of Lady Gaga,

Cynthia Nixon, and thousands of cheering queer activists. But Danielle Sutton felt something was missing. She wasn’t out as bisexual – and she wanted to be for this day. She quickly dialed her mom’s phone number and waited for her to pick up. When she heard an answer, she attempted to yell over the crowd.

“I’m bi! I know you don’t know what that means, but I want you to know!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” her mom replied. “Have fun.” Click.

She knew the message had been lost in the hoots and hollers of the crowd. So Danielle connected to the Internet on her phone. In the midst of a rainbow-clad crowd at the National Equality March in Washington, D.C., Danielle came out via Facebook. Her status said, “In

How Facebook has created a new era of coming out

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honor of National Coming Out Day, I want the world to know that I am bisexual and that I am going to march proudly.” Or something like that. She can’t quite remember.

But what Danielle does remember is the reactions of family and friends to the news. She received some positive, public comments on the status, but also had around 25 private, negative messages flood her inbox.“There was one girl I did cheerleading with in high school who said, ‘I can’t believe I did cheerleading with you. You were probably looking up my skirt,’” Sutton said of her former Upstate New York cheering teammate.

Even her mom, who didn’t have a Facebook, felt the impact of her cyber coming out. Her aunt saw the status and called Danielle’s mom to tell her about the post, which led to another call between Danielle and her mom. It was the first of several times that Danielle has had to explain why she came out on Facebook.

Steven Petrow, journalist and author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay and Lesbian

Manners, said much of the appeal in coming out via social media is the idea of one-step coming out. But the process can get a lot more complicated, as in Danielle’s case. Petrow says that many people don’t think of the widespread implications of coming out with a public “bang.” Parents could find out, friends could feel left in the dark, and important face-to-face conversations could go unhad. While coming out via Facebook may seem like a way to knock out a bunch of uncomfortable conversations at once, sometimes those conversations can just become more complicated after telling your friend’s list what’s really on your mind.

But, Danielle wouldn’t change opening the closet door in this way. “People always say, ‘Facebook isn’t a private thing. Don’t put all your baggage on Facebook,’” she said. “But, for me, that was the way to do it.”

***

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At the end of the zombie invasion, Tyler Frazer ran upstairs to see 56 likes on his coming out status. By the end of the week, that number climbed to 146. Friends also showed their written support, commenting on the status with phrases like “I’m proud of you,” “You’re so brave” and “If anyone gives you any problems, I’ll take care of it.”

Not one person reacted negatively and Tyler was relieved. He came out to 290 Facebook friends with the click of a mouse. Only 15 of those people had known before the post. For Tyler, this was the most appealing part of the decision — the ability to tell a large group without a clumsy, uncomfortable, face-to-face conversation.

“Once you hit ‘post,’ you can’t take it back, so you dwell on it less,” he said. “Someone is bound to see it once they load their page.” For Tyler, posting the status was an easy, instant commitment to a public coming out. Seamless, harmless, and accepted.

*** Garrett Koller lived a double life via

Facebook. The computer buff enabled privacy settings to protect who saw parts of his “About Me” section – the sections that displayed his sexuality. Friends of Garrett’s at his small liberal arts school in Virginia could see “Interested in: men” and that he was in a relationship with a boyfriend. But people from his home state of Oklahoma were blocked from viewing these portions of the profile.

“Setting up privacy settings gets really complicated,” he said. “If you mess it up then everyone knows.”

For Garrett, being out in certain spaces

“He came out to 290 Facebook friends with a click of a mouse.”

while being closeted in others was a struggle. So he decided to open up to his Oklahoma Facebook friends by coming out on the social media platform. He told his parents the day before the cyber coming out, and then posted the status for his hometown friends to see. “It’s official,” the status proclaimed. “I’m gay and I’m out. Thank you to everyone for all your support. I’m so glad my friends turned out to be more supportive of me and my being gay than I could ever have imagined. I couldn’t have done it without all of you.”

The status got 141 likes, but the 61 comments on the status mostly consisted of a religious debate over whether being gay was OK. Though Garrett said Virginia has a very

southern identity, his liberal university friends were mostly the supportive bunch. From his Oklahoma friends, reactions were mostly negative. The most discouraging comment came from a high school classmate who wrote, “I don’t see how you can be gay and still call yourself Christian.”

But Garrett knew this reaction was a risk, even a probability, before posting, given his mix of friends. “I knew there were going to be negative comments, but I felt like I was sure enough of myself to be able to take that and stand up to it,” he said.

In her research, Connie Albert found that many people use social media to come out for the reasons Garrett described – the ability to reach a lot of people at the same time and perceiving less risk both physically and emotionally. Though social media has been in the news for allowing bullies to target gay teens, Albert found that most queer people

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view social media as a positive arena for communication.

With social media platforms expanding and user numbers climbing, it’s easy for cyberspace to come into personal space. Steven Petrow’s advice for coming out is to keep tabs on how social media seeps into your life. “You stay in control of your technology,” he advises. “Don’t let your technology get ahead of you.”

***Tyler Frazer sips from his coffee cup in a

busy cafe on a Saturday afternoon. His dyed red hair sticks up slightly after he plucks off a wool cap. He talks about how his public coming out inspired a wave of students to come out in his high school. His voice rises with confidence as he describes himself a gay ambassador – someone his queer peers turned to for advice on coming out and someone who stood up to a student who was outing others. “Listen, you can’t go around outing people,” he told the kid. “You have to let them do it when they are ready.”

Tyler is a 20-year-old college freshman now. He graduated third in his class and received scholarships to several colleges outside his Massachusetts hometown. Yet he still lives at home, commuting to a small local college. He had plans to go away to a university two hours from his hometown, but backed out two weeks before the big move.

“I think that’s the reason I decided to stay actually,” he said about the positive reaction around his coming out. “The only reason I was going to go away was that, if people reacted negatively, I could start fresh in college.”

Though he says his parents favor silence over a conversation about their son’s sexuality, he is comfortable. He wanted to stay home. He hasn’t lost any friends. And he wouldn’t change coming out on Facebook.

“When I did it, I felt like this great burden just was taken off,” he said. “When I told people individually, it felt like I got a little bit out of it each time. But when I put it on Facebook I was like, ‘It’s done now. Whatever happens, happens.’”

are there manners to coming out?“There are no manners to coming out. It should

be whatever works for the person.”

Steven Petrow has heard this argument many times, addressing it on his gay manners website and in books. But Mr. Manners still believes there is an ettiquete to the coming out process. “The thinking around coming out is, 'It is

about me. I need to do it on my own terms, when I'm ready, however I want,'” Petrow said. But he says this type of logic can leave people with a bad coming out experience by ruining close relationships. Instead, Petrow advises on how to respectfully open the closet door. Use these tips in your own life or share them with friends who are getting ready to step out:

• Tell core family and friends first. Petrow suggests building a foundation of supportive people to help with the process.

• The annoucement doesn't have to be a big,

heavy talk. Petrow suggests statements like, “I'm now dating … ” as a casual coming out.

• Respect the needs of those closest to you by being concious of their concerns and answering questions. Petrow says, “When we first start to come out to people we are close to, those conversations are really important to the relationship.”

• Once you've laid that ground work, Petrow says, it's OK to inform others however you feel comfortable. Even via Facebook.

• Know that coming out is a life-long process. “You are always going to find yourself in new environments with new people,” says Petrow.

For more gay manners and advice on coming out, check out Steven Petrow's website, gaymanners.com, or pick up his book Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life.

The Hate CycleAs intercommunal hate continues,

so does our oppression

by Chamelia Moore

32 spring 2013

illustration by Natasha Andaz

33spring 2013

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It’s not just the fact that our sexualities cast us into a complex system of oppression. It’s not just unfulfilled societal expectations of gender roles, and the straight and queer community who attempt to impose them upon us. It’s not just the differences within the identities of the queer community that provide rationale for the basis of intercommunal hate within our community― it is all of them, and then more.

All members of the queer community share the fact that they deviate from the very narrow standards of heteronormativity, yet there is a hierarchy within and between us that perpetuates it. Our inability to fully remove ourselves from the mentality of heterosexual standards has consumed us in a way that disrupts our acceptance of each other and jades our perception of each other. Freshman Ahmad Saeed has seen this in action and has his opinions on the “ranking” for each group in the eyes of the straight community.

“L, G, B, T― that’s the hierarchy,” Saeed said. “That’s each identity in the order of queer acceptance within the straight community.”

Saeed agrees that hate across the board can be attributed to the heterosexual community’s levels of acceptance. However, within groups, race and class are where even more divisions are made.

*Li, an SU sophomore, explained heteronormativity can be seen being played out in which sub-groups of gay men are more accepted, both within and out of the queer community. Between the perceived gay male subgroups of what Li describes as “straight-

acting, super femme, bear, and otter,” one is accepted above the rest.

“Since we live in a world where being straight is better than being gay, straight-acting guys are seen as better than all of them,” Li said.

Saeed agrees that it seems like “straight-acting” gay men get ahead in terms of acceptance due to this perpetuation of heteronormativity. However, he also believes that heteronormativity has a way of manifesting itself in the queer community – in the form of self patrolling sexual behavior and gender presentation.

“Even though some gay guys are proud of being gay, they also feel like ‘OK, I need to be masculine for people to accept me more,’” Saeed said. “I feel like there are people who think they need to be a top and not a bottom because they think bottoms are the ones who get fucked and they’re not trying to let everybody know that they’re getting fucked.”

But, we can’t write off this type hate as self-hate. Self-hate cannot fully explain why some gay men hate other gay men, why some lesbians hate bisexual women, and why transfolks seem generally alienated all together. Clearly, the sooner we let go of patrolling our behavior and the behavior of those within the queer community in order to please heteronormative standards , the better we will be able accept others and most importantly ourselves.

*Editor’s Note: Names marked by

asterisk changed for anonymity

social politics

illustration by Natasha Andaz

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34 spring 2013

Physically Strong,Mentally Awake,Morally Straight

Eagle Scouts return their ranks in support of gay peers

Imagine working tirelessly to reach a long-term dream only to have that dream yanked out of your hands. Queer-identified Boy Scouts know that feeling.

In the summer of 2012, the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) reaffirmed a policy banning all queer individuals from their ranks; scouts, den leaders, pack leaders — everyone. That decision allows the BSA executive board to publicly deny openly gay scouts their Eagle Scout award, even after they complete all the prerequisites for the honor.

For those of you not familiar with how Boy Scouts advance rank, here’s a quick lesson. When a scout meets all the requirements for rank advancement, a board of reviewers, normally local volunteers, convene with the scout. This is typical for all awards, though the Eagle award is the top of the ladder, thus being the most difficult to acquire. After reviewing the scout’s capabilities, the board must unanimously decide on whether the scout should advance. Restrictions on sexuality is not part of the Scout’s Law and has not played a role in this rigorous process - until now.

Ryan Andresen, an 18-year-old openly gay scout, was approved by the volunteer Board of Review to receive his Eagle rank in January. Soon after, the official Board of Review, made up of paid BSA executives, denied his application. As Andresen stated

in an interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, after completing his community project, a tolerance wall promoting kindness and stigmatizing bullying in the middle school he attended, and completing the review, Andresen was denied his award and was ostracized by his Scoutmaster based on his sexuality.

Andresen’s story is not uncommon in the BSA queer community. Numerous group leaders and volunteers have also been removed from their positions within the institution because of their openness to themselves and those around them about their sexuality.

Since the “official clarification” of the BSA’s policy last June that stated “we do not grant membership to individuals who are open or avowed homosexuals,” there has been outrage. Change.org petitions have been written, rallies by parents and volunteers have been held, and argueably most significant, many Eagle Scouts have been revoking their own Eagle Ranks in support of those who have been denied theirs.

A Tumblr blog, eaglebadges.tumblr.com, has been created allowing ex-Eagle Scouts to post a picture of their letters and ranks before shipping them back to BSA headquarters. On this blog alone, there are over two hundred posts from now ex-Eagle ranking scouts.The blog houses letters stating, “I am no longer proud to be the recipient of this award,” or “I do not wish to associate myself with an

by Martin Biando

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35spring 2013

organization that discriminates based on sexual orientation,” but one ex-scout, Tim Bradley, says it best:

“The Boy Scout Oath admonishes scouts to do our duty to God, country and other people. My God is one of love and tolerance, forgiveness and understanding. Your current stance is one of discrimination and intolerance. My country recognizes equal rights for homosexuals; you have chosen to characterize gays as somehow deviant. Duty to others means helping others, and doing good deeds. One’s sexual orientation does not make a

person less human or in need of care, love and support.”

Many of the ex-Eagle ranked scouts on the blog have stated that, should the policy change to one of non-discrimination and tolerance, they would gladly take back their badges. Others have said that it is too little, too late; the BSA can keep their honors.

The BSA will continue their discrimination in the name of being “morally straight” at least until May 2013, when a council will meet to discuss matters of sexual orientation within the ranks for the second time.

illustration by Carolyn G

lavin

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How flutes and bass drums make sex magic work for queer people

by Samantha Crawford

We all have a definition for what sex is; we all also have a definition for what magic is. While our definitions of these terms may vary, we all define them. Some lovers see no way that these terms are related, while others place them together on a regular basis, i.e. “I had sex last night. It was magical!” This is not an uncommon feeling or thought.

But with a little rearranging of the words, a very common experience turns into an abstract

one in the blink of an eye. This is the practice of sex magic. But what is sex magic if not simply magical sex?

Sex magic, which can go by many names, is a form of spiritual sexual expression in which the person practicing is able to use their breathing, focus, symbolism, perception, and visualization in order to channel sexual energy, often ending with a visualization that leads to climaxing. This is done in many ways, and the

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process varies tremendously from person to person. Many people who practice sex magic believe that the ultimate form of sexual power is the ability to have an orgasm, and that this energy can be created without a partner through the visualization of male-female sexual encounters.

But visualizing heterosexual sex may not work for people in the queer community. Yet, that doesn’t have to restrict us from joining in on some magical sex magic. We just have to get the creative juices flowing and look at an already abstract idea with a further abstracted perspective.

Storm Faerywolf, who has been practicing sex magic for almost 30 years and teaching it for more than 20, believes that if we create queer models, the queer community can practice sex magic without being forced to utilize heterosexual models and visuals.

The heterosexual model can affect a person in all ways (romantic, sexual, etc.) due to the natural tendency to want polarity. Faerywolf explains that he has “… never had an issue with being gay and not finding sexual polarity, but … [he] know[s] many who have.”

In order to eliminate the heterosexual structure of sex magic, we must find things that complement each other and are not male-female centered — things that we can visualize and focus on during sex magic.

In a series of essays, Faerywolf discusses alternatives to the heterosexual structure. One of his ideas is to incorporate flutes and bass drums as complementary energies that, when combined, can form a melody. These will represent the parts of sex magic that are normally powered by the visualization of polarity, or opposite energies, of a male-female sexual encounter.

Flora Bevilacqua, a 24-year-old lesbian woman, has been practicing sex magic for two years. She has had both negative and positive experiences with the practice.

“When I began, at first it was hard to get through a session without feeling uncomfortable,” Bevilacqua said. “It felt as if I was allowing myself to be crossed by a man then they started having me think about water and fire instead of a man and woman, and now I love it.”

Substituting the heterosexual model with queer models allows for anyone to step into sex magic, have a sense of polarity, and find their sexual power through visualization. While many wonder if the intensity of using a model that does not involve a male-female sexual encounter is the same as one that does, people practicing sex magic have become accepting of all models. The point of sex magic is personal satisfaction and spirituality – no matter the model or the identity. Oc

sex & health

Your one-stop shop for all things that cure “the gay”

Hey you! Are you tired of pride parades? Do you dislike the flamboyance of Rain and Trexx? Did

you wish Will would just marry Grace and live happily ever after as husband and wife? Do you

want your friends to finally come out of the closet – as heterosexual? Well have I got a something

for you!

sex & health

Curing Gay America: A Self-Help Guide

by Joe Goingsillustration by Jack McGowan

38 spring 2013

38spring 2012*In case you didn’t get it, this is satire. We, after all, love gay people just the way they are. Get down with your queer self.

Bicycling: Some people ride bikes to relieve stress. Others do it to stay fit. You can do it stop being gay! Bicycling: likely the most fun solution in the Guide. It has been said that “homosexuality was rooted in nervous exhaustion,” so riding a bike for extended periods would, over time, rid a person of what ails them. And that’s backed by neurologist Graeme Hammond, so you know it’s true.

Phone applications:

Need a quick fix for a life on the go? Look no further. Exodus International brings to you the mobile app to rid your life of being gay forever! Whether it be personal stories of being gay, answers to frequently asked questions, or blogs from student contributors, Exodus International has everything you need to find “straight” ways to live your life! Hypno-Coke Therapy:

Combining therapies is proven to be quite a resolution for some. For example, combining hypnosis and cocaine to form “Hypno-coke” can yield double the rate of success! Hypno-coke may seem like a stretch, but think about it: what better way is there to get someone to follow the right path than to get them hopped up on smack and then play games with their mind while they’re charged? This would most certainly be the most entertaining route to a gay-free world!

Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy:

This one is aimed at our rural readers. The Cowboy Church of Virginia has a revolutionary, and quite unique, method to rid your life of the homosexual affliction. Raymond Bell, the church’s pastor, believes that stroking a horse is a great way to cure being gay. The horses will help sort out emotions and homosexual feelings through a range of activities designed to distract you from your “addiction,” as Bell would call it. I don’t know about you, but this sounds completely legitimate to me!

Breastmilk:

Are you not a fan of artificial or man-made solutions? Try this natural remedy, sponsored by former United States senator from Missouri, Todd Akin. The former senator said that “female breast milk - when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks - has a 94 percent chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions,” according to totally reputable newssite, The Daily Currant. And all in just four weeks! Wow!

Not yet convinced that you need to cure homosexuality? Well look at what it has caused:

Hurricanes, Earthquakes,Tsunamis, etc.

Natural disasters cleanse America of its evils and wrong-doings.

Global WarmingFlaming gays make this planet dangerously hot with their flaamboyance.

Decreased Marriage RatesDon’t believe me? Rick Santorum will tell you the truth.

Oc

Listed below in this unique self help guide are some surefire tactics to cure neighbors,

friends, and other loved ones of “the gay.” You will be hard pressed to find a solution that

does not work. Please read them and find the one that best suits your needs!

41spring 2013

Lost In Trans*-lationHow not-so-inclusive cinema has captured the wrong messages

by Erin Reimel

arts & entertainment

Isn’t it funny when a man dresses up as a female nanny in order to remain in his children’s lives after a messy divorce and custody battle? Isn’t it romantic when a girl dresses like a guy to prove she’s as good as any man, and in the meantime falls for a boy and they live happily ever after when she reveals her true gender identity?

These are the stories we see on the big screen: Robin Williams disguises himself in Mrs. Doubtfire to spend time with his children and Amanda Bynes wins Channing Tatum’s heart while she kicks some soccer-boy butt in She’s the Man. But just because these movies are primetime entertainment, it does not mean that they are appropriate.

Many films portray gender bending characters as comic relief or as people in dress up with simplistic gender identities instead of deep, complex people. In White Chicks, FBI agents Kevin and Marcus dress as women in order to catch criminals, with the comedy portraying their struggle to act as women as farce. A Disney favorite, Mulan depicts a woman who proves her equality to men only to, in the end, find love in a big, strong guy, reveal herself as a woman in disguise, and win his heart. In the musical and movie Victor Victoria, Victoria disguises herself as a man, Victor, in female drag tricking a man into thinking she is actually a man dressed as a woman. This leads him to question his sexuality when he develops feelings for Victor. After some serious confusion, Victoria reveals herself as a woman, rather than as her alter ego, Victor, the man in drag. Luckily for her lover, he no longer has to stray from heterosexuality so the movie can be

wrapped up with a neat bow. Needless to say, the movies that illustrate trans* individuals as multifaceted humans with personalities and struggles of their own seem to be as difficult to find as a needle in a haystack.

It is challenging to even name any big-time films that feature characters with complex gender identities. Some exceptions include Rent, which has the lovable Angel to show how strong and confident a trans* person can be and The Birdcage, which features Albert, a endearing and complex drag queen. Both of these characters are not only comical at times, but well-developed trans* representations. The public needs to see more characters like Albert and Angel, characters who knowingly embrace gender bending while not being offensive to the trans* community.

As queer people are becoming more and more accepted, it is time for the film industry to reflect their lives. Trans* characters should not be made the butt of the joke. We need to see positive representations of gender bending in the media in order to accurately represent the complexity of gender and crush the binaries that confine all of us.

The integration of trans* characters into blockbusters is needed to foster a more accepting view by both heterosexual individuals and members of the queer community who may not have an accurate perception of the trans* community. The future is primed for films filled with loveable, complex, and relatable trans* characters rather than overused and under-representative plot lines of a man in pantyhose. Oc

illustration by Rachel Barry

narrative

42 spring 2013

Technical Foulby Kassie Brabaw

In a place like Apache, the worth of your family is measured by the number of years they’ve been living in town. The Boone family has been in Apache ever since people can remember. They are familiar with everyone, and eventually, everyone goes to them.

Boone Funeral Home lies one street over from Main Street. It is a family business that has been passed down through the last three generations. Jayson knows, as the oldest son, that the funeral home will one day be his.

Every night after his academic team meeting, Jayson goes home and listens to lectures from his father. Jack Boone is worried that his son won’t want the family business. Jayson isn’t friends with the other families, and Jack overheard the Wilcox boys making fun of his son’s long blonde hair.

“Why don’t ya play a sport, son? Ya know, Talon Wilcox started up basketball this year. I betcha’d like basketball. Why dontcha try it?”

Jayson Boone joins the basketball team. He picks up an orange ball and turns it around in his hands. He looks at it from every angle and then carefully tests it out. It bounces nicely on the shiny laminated hardwood of the high school’s gym. He continues to bounce the ball while the other boys take laps.

Coach Mac walks in.

“Don’t be such a fag Boone, get in here and do laps with the other boys.”

Jayson is called a fag ten times that day.

“Don’t be such a faggot, Boone. Throw that ball.”

“Why ya such a fag? Run faster!”

“You’re such a fag Jayson! Just pass it to Talon!”

Fag, Faggot, Fag, Fag, Fag, Faggot.

He goes home that night beat tired from his first day of practice. The boys on the basketball team are nothing like his friends. They are always shouting, they call each other “ladies,” and they are constantly joking around and hitting his arms. Jayson doesn’t understand how they can consider themselves friends. How can they even stand to be around each other?

Jayson keeps going to practice. Within a few months his muscles begin to grow. He runs faster, he learns the rules of the game. He gets better. His teammates stop calling him “faggot” and start cheering his name. They pass him the ball. He makes baskets. They pat his bottom, tell him good job, invite him out to their parties.

Jayson begins to neglect his old friends. He goes to the parties. He cuts his hair, saying that it got in the way during his basketball games. He still makes good grades, but he doesn’t join the academic team like he used to. Instead, he spends every day practicing basketball and hanging out with his teammates.

Jayson’s little brother Seth wants to join the team. He is a freshman, skinny, but taller than his brother. Seth comes for his first day of practice. He examines the ball while the other boys are doing laps. Seth takes it, bounces it on the floor, and then bounces it again. He likes the sound it makes when it hits the ground. A voice calls out from the sidelines.

Jayson shouts to his little brother.

“Don’t be such a fag, Seth. Come and run with the rest of us.” Oc

HOWL

Technical FoulGinsberg invites us to claim our marginalized lives

illus

trat

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by K

athe

rine

Flo

res

by Matthew Bennett Jr.

Poetry captures moments unlike any other art form. Vulnerability, accessibility, and musicality are merely a few of the tools used by an author to craft a particular emotion and vision. Each author has his own exact lens through which he perceives his life experiences. It is through this lens that he chooses words which give insight into his enigmatic view of existence.

Allen Ginsberg, a famous poet of the Beat Generation, saw the world around him in an eerily vibrant way – a way in which no other poet, no other person, could ever imagine. Through his oracular words, Ginsberg crafted one of the most famous poems of all time.

“I saw the best minds of my generation

destroyed by madness, starving hysterical

Like You Mean Itarts & entertainment

43spring 2013

HOWL

arts & entertainment

spring 201344

naked, dragging themselves through the negro

streets at dawn looking for an angry fix, Angel-

headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly

connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery

of night,”

These iconic first lines from Ginsberg’s poem titled Howl were first published in 1956. In the years since its first publication, his book Howl

and Other Poems has over a million copies in print and has been translated into numerous languages. In 2010, James Franco played Ginsberg in the film titled Howl – written and directed by Academy Award winners Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman. Ginsberg’s Howl remains one of the most influential and extensively read poems of the 20th century, as it sparked censorship trials and obscenity charges based on its content.

Ultimately, the outcome of the trials concluded that City Lights Publishing was able to continue printing Howl – and Ginsberg was able to express himself through the words he chose – based on his freedom as an author to write exactly what he wanted. These trials, and the utter opposition to the content of Ginsberg’s

poems, were what catapulted his work to reach superstardom and truly come to life.

“…who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with

delight in police cars for committing no crime but

their own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication,

who howled on their knees in the subway and

were dragged off the roof waving genitals and

manuscripts,”

Poetry is a complex craft, seeing as one cannot simply translate poetry into prose

– yet through his honest, and at times alarmingly frank words, one can sense Ginsberg’s view of society as a degrading, dehumanizing institution. In interviews with Ginsberg, he discusses

his alienation from society due to his homosexuality. Yet it was his homosexuality that sparked not only his self-examination, but his detailed realization of his environment and the awareness that everyone around him was different – that he was different.

Ginsberg believed that Howl was often misinterpreted as a poem that promoted and celebrated homosexuality. However, Howl is really a promotion of frankness, no matter what the subject. The ability to speak

Howl is really a promotion of frankness, no

matter what the subject. ”

“

arts & entertainment

45spring 2013

frankly about any subject is socially useful, and it breaks down the constructed barriers surrounding what is supposedly socially acceptable.

“…who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly

motorcyclists, and screamed with joy, who blew and

were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors,

caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love,”

In Howl, Ginsberg describes his experiences being a gay man in New York City in the 1950s. His ability to be frank about subjectively unacceptable situations breaks the social ice and allows him to avoid nothing. While many of the experiences Ginsberg depicts in Howl are veiled in in ominous, obscure language, it is clear that he does not run from objectification and marginalization. Ginsberg claims his life – he laughs at it, and he is bold in his decision to record his perceptions in his widely read

poem. I believe Ginsberg invites us to claim our lives as well.

Howl would have never existed had it not been for the oppression that inspired it. Allen Ginsberg’s life was filled moments of hate, moments of fury, moments of utter disbelief, yet it is moments like these that shape the multiplicity of life experiences that simultaneously exist. These moments have the ability to fuel an incredible work of art – or have the potential to be the catalyst for the downfall of a human being. It is a choice how to react to the dehumanizing machine of society. It is a choice that a writer, a poet, a person, must make every day. It is a choice that Ginsberg calls into question in his prophetic work of art Howl.

“…with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their own bodiesgood to eat a thousand years.” Oc

Allen Ginsberg via poetryfoundation.org

In Japan, there is a saying: the stake that sticks out gets hammered down. In other words, try to blend in. This deeply ingrained notion of behavior runs through all veins of Japanese society, and as a gay-identifying individual, acutely self-aware of my own identity, it’s easy to see how this concept impacts gay life in Japan.

Let me begin by making a brief disclaimer: Japan is not a society entirely at odds with self-expression, at least outwardly. Japanese people are perhaps world-renowned for their art, music, architecture and fashion. Moreover, in places like Tokyo’s Harajuku and Akihabara neighborhoods, one can find a seeming epicenter of subcultures swarming with youth sporting anything from Victorian-inspired petticoats and parasols to hair so straightened, colored, and processed it would appear to be synthetic. It is also appropriate to say that any fashion in Japan can work, so long as you bear the self-conviction. However, such liberal self-expression is only tolerated to a limited extent, especially when it threatens family life or the collective functioning of society.

For Japanese, there is a responsibility to one’s lineage that is well-known in East Asian culture generally. This duty to one’s family extends beyond the four walls of home, however. With a dwindling birth rate, Japanese people feel a certain obligation to procreate to the state as well. Without a doubt, traditional values can often times leave little room for anything else.

Veiled Yet VibrantNormalizing queer culture in Japan will take time and patience

by Vittorio DiVentura

In Osaka, Japan—where I’m currently situated—it only takes a brief stroll down the city’s gay neighborhood, Doyama-cho, to understand how Japan’s queer community is so vibrant yet shadowed. My first stroll through Doyama-cho was not planned. On the surface, it seemed I had wandered into any other place in Osaka. The area’s streets were filled with small, dimly lit ramen shops lined with lanterns and numerous signs hanging overhead. Various bars that seemed to cater to mixed crowds and raucous pachinko parlors shrouded in rainbow neon lights that hinted at the true nature of the area. If my ability to read kanji had been more advanced at the time, perhaps I would’ve picked up on the areas plethora of gay bars, bathhouses, and love hotels. It wasn’t until I returned with a group of female friends, however, that I realized I was the one being checked out.

Still, compared to gay areas in European and American cities, Doyama-cho is low-key, bearing few, if any, gay rainbow flags and no official sign demarcating the area, mainly because the queer community prefers it that way. Upon discovering this area, I soon learned of the various kinds of themed bars as well. For example, some bars cater to Japan’s business class who are notoriously referred to as salary men. These men are often the ones caught leading double lives. Still, other bars cater to younger, queer identifying Japanese men.

More interestingly, many of these clubs and bars ensure a particular kind of crowd

narrative

Editor’s Note: Vittorio DiVentura is currently in his second semester of studying abroad in Japan. In this piece, he looks

at the intersection of Japanese culture and queerness.

46 spring 2013

Normalizing queer culture in Japan will take time and patience

arts & entertainment

through stringently enforced entrance rules. For instance, some bars which only cater to Japanese people won’t let foreigners in, while others cater more specifically to foreigners interested in Japanese people. Here in the West we might frown on such blatant discrimination, but it should be particularly revealing of how many Japanese people want gay culture to exist in Japan: separately.

Indeed, Osaka’s gay culture could be classified as clandestine, which then begs us to wonder how the media and general population perceive the queer community. Throughout the media, there are quite a few very famous gay figures on Japanese television. Perhaps the most widely known gay figure is the internationally-known Razor Ramon Hard Gay, also known simply by Japanese as Hard Gay. Hard Gay was first premiered on a Japanese variety show called Daibakuten, where he was well received and remains a mainstay in Japanese television. Hard Gay is famous for dressing in typical BDSM attire, rapid hip thrusting, and coming to the rescue

of many endangered straight people. The punch line here, though, is that Hard Gay is not really gay. So, while many of his antics are undoubtedly amusing, his portrayal of the queer community should also be criticized for generating stereotypes. Then again, if one became familiar with Japanese media, they would soon find that this is the general notion of gay people: amusing, overly-promiscuous and not to be taken seriously.

There is no doubt in my mind that Japan has much to learn in the way of integrating the queer community into its own. However, I cannot say that Japan is entirely unfriendly to gay people. In fact, at times being able to express myself however I wish, outwardly—in terms of my fashion, mannerisms, and what we might consider “gay behavior”— I undoubtedly feel safer here than I do in America. Perhaps when it comes to normalizing queer culture here, however, it will require a bit of patience and a gradual warming up to, the same sort of process it can sometimes take getting to know the Japanese themselves.Oc

47spring 2013

photo by Vittorio DiVentura

48 spring 2012

comic by Katherine Flores

out

49spring 2012

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lam

ante

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“I would’ve never known you were gay

until you told me!” is a phrase I usually hear when people first learn about my sexual orientation.

I have known about my sexual identity since I was a young boy, however I have never made it the foundation for my character. It’s certainly important to accept yourself, but I don’t think that coming out should be as expected for LGBTQ individuals as it is in our society. When I meet new people, I don’t think it’s necessary that they know every aspect about my persona.

I had a friend in high school that would say, “I don’t know why people are scared to come out of the closet. True friends will accept them regardless of who they love.” I would always protest him and ask why the concept of being in the closet holds a negative meaning. For me, being “in the closet” was never due to shame or fear. Rather, I chose to keep my sexual identity to myself because it wasn’t something that made an incredible impact in my personality. I become friends with people who are respectful, charismatic, and funny—traits that should remain the same regardless of sexual orientation.

If people choose to become acquainted with me, it should be because of my personality, not my sexual orientation (unless they are romantic partners, of course). Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem celebrating people who chose to live their life expressing their sexual desires openly. I am not opposed to people knowing about or questioning my sexual orientation; it’s just never the first thing that people know about me.

People sometimes assume that I’m trying to hide my sexual orientation or that I’m attempting to “be straight”, but that’s not the case. I am proud of who I am, and I have no shame in people knowing I’m gay. I decided to “come out” to my parents because I wanted to express myself completely with the two people that gave life to me.

Unlike many of the stories that I’ve heard or read about people that come out to their parents, I was lucky enough to have a very easy “process.” My coming out went something like:

“Um, mom … I have something to tell you.”“Yes?”“I … I’m hungry! Yes, very hungry.”And she looked at me like I was delirious.I ran out of her room, but then came back

and confidently told her “I’m gay.” She smiled and thanked me for sharing such an important aspect of my life with her. We hugged and then she said: “What do you want for dinner?”

Sexual orientation and coming out is a personal experience that is different for every person. When asked to share my story, I gladly volunteered because I felt that it was important for people to realize that not all coming out stories are sad or full of dread. Being in the closet doesn’t make people “less gay” or equate to shame.

You’ve probably heard people say, “it’s okay to be gay”, but just know that it’s just as okay to be quiet about your sexual orientation as much as it is to be “out and proud.”

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