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There is more than meets the eye at the U of L. Students new and returning are welcome to partake in a new kind of campus tour hosted by LPIRG, CKXU, the Women’s Centre, the Pride Centre, and the Meliorist. The Alternative Tour will highlight amenities, resources, where to find allies and safe spaces, and information on how to make the most out of everything this campus has to offer. Some of the highlights the tour will cover include an introduction to the host groups and their quarters, as well as information on how to get involved in student-led organiza-tions. All student organizations operate under the open-door policy (i.e., anyone is more than welcome to stop in and say hello) but this can be intimidating, especially for new students. The Alternative Tour makes it easy for students to get themselves acquainted with various groups of interest – essentially making the first step to getting involved. And while all student organizations are busy throughout the year with planning events and operating on a daily basis, there are still students who are not aware of the organiza-tions’ existence, let alone their physical location on campus. The University of Lethbridge has been known as a commuter campus, meaning that students arrive on campus for classes only to return home after class is over. This means a large number of students may complete their degrees without experiencing a sense of campus community, and they may miss out on some great personal experiences while they are in school. Knowing this, The Alterna-tive Tour formed out of conversations among a group of the current organizers of the student organizations that feel strongly about the importance of student involvement. Other tours are available for students to help guide them towards administration offices, classrooms, and other specific resources (Cash Office, Disability Centre, Food Court, etc.). Due to the campus covering a vast area, sometimes things get missed in the short amount of time it takes to give a basic tour. From campus radio, news media, and various advocacy groups, there is likely to be something for anyone to get excited about. The Alternative Tour is free and will run twice each day during Rush Week (Sept. 10 – 14). The tour starts in the Atrium outside CJ’s in University Hall. For more information, contact LPIRG, CKXU, the Meliorist, the Pride Centre, or the Campus Women’s Centre.

Alternative Tour to hitcampus

Campus Beat

PARKINGPARKING

PARKING

PARKING

BUS LOOP

Anderson Hall

University Centre for the Arts

University Hall

1st Choice Centre for Sport and Wellness

Student's Union Building

Markin Hall

LINC Building

Leyland BradleyNews Editor

The fall term is upon us, and with it comes this lovely newspaper you know and love. If you do not know it or love it, I hope that all changes this year and you realize what a fool you have been. Whether you are a new student or a veteran of this concrete-filled institution, there are always new things you need to know about the shifting landscape of your university (figurative landscape – the concrete is not going anywhere). The Students’ Union, faculty research, protests, campus events, university budget plans, student art, and everything else that goes on around here is part of your life as a student, and as a student you should want to learn about them. As your new features editor, I will strive to enlighten you, the readers, of such happenings and make my section entertaining and informative . . . or not, I am not making any promises. No longer restricted by a niche as I was last year as entertainment editor, I look forward to covering a wider range of campus events. I am also not, in any way, an expert, so please feel free to criticize my work where you feel it is lacking quality, is offensive, or is merely something you do not feel is interesting enough for the Meliorist. I do not write so I can read it; I write for, you guessed it, you — it is your paper too so I would like to hear what you think. However, you are not limited just to reading. You can easily become a

contributor for any section in the Meliorist. But contributing to the features section is far harder and you should be ready for some very difficult and meticulous tasks that will most likely fall short of my fastidious expectations. Here is a list of the arduous tasks you must accomplish to contribute in this section: e-mail me . . . or come to the office and talk to me, I don’t really care. It’s that simple. Even if you do not know what you would like to write about, just contact me saying you would like to contribute, and we will figure it out from that point.

The features section is perfect for beginning writers who do not know what they want to write on because, essentially, almost any story can be a feature. It also allows freedom from the shackles of a niche, as I have expressed before — so, for the experienced it can be the way to versatility. The Meliorist is a great outlet for students to start, or continue, publishing their writing. Even if you do not plan to become a journalist, a writer, or someone with opinions, this is a chance to communicate to your fellow students and the city of Lethbridge. I hope to read and hear what you all have to say, and I hope you all learn something from what I write in this new academic year.

September 6, 2012 • 09

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Billy DaveyFeatures Editor

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Fort Macleod’s infamous summer festival South Country Fair brought various musical acts and local artisans together to celebrate Southern Alberta culture and a hippie lifestyle. From July 20 – 22, South Country once again delivered on the outdoor music festival culture vacation many Southern Alberta folk crave. The musical lineup was diverse, with some acts from as far away as Hungary and Mexico, and others as homegrown as Taber corn. The Weber Brothers proved themselves to be a highlight of the festival, bringing their Maryland dive bar band sound to the main stage. The Weber Brothers evoke the characteristic guitar strummin’ and feet stompin’ that small town music festivals are known for, which easily brought the SCF folk to their feet. Surprises abounded with the musical acts too, with artists such as Shakura S’aida. A sweet lady with a sweet voice, Shakura S’aida shook up the country-loving crowd with her Toronto-based deep soul and hard blues sound on the main stage. Canadian reggae music might seem like a misnomer, but Souljah Fyah out of Edmonton weaved messages of hope and love peppered with cautionary warnings of political truth and courage. Artisans set up shop offering a vast array of music festival wardrobe staples: crazy toques, harem pants, ponchos, flippy floppies, straw hats, and the like could be purchased

from some of the nicest people with the nicest smiles. Food is plentiful at SCF. Pizza, Mediterranean food, and even espresso were detected to be among the sources of fuel that kept festivalgoers alive and happy. Prices were decent, lineups were no big deal, and no corners were cut for the quality received upon those paper plates. Sustenance was not an option-only contentment. There’s no need for comparisons with Shambalah. South Country Fair is in a league of its own. To fully experience SCF, ya gotta camp, because unlike Shambalah or Sasquatch, fires are permitted at campsites and jam sessions are encouraged – granted your neighbours don’t mind. If they do, or if you’re not musically talented, a seat at the jam stage has your name on it. The jam stage is hosted by a handful of talented people, rolling out the Bob Dylan tunes like they rehearse or something. Hardly a baby to the music festival scene, South Country Fair has succeeded in creating both an intimate and homey camping experience for festivalgoers while still maintaining some badass cred. It’s no small wonder that for the hundreds of devoted yearly attendees, South Country Fair never fails to disappoint, even after 26 years. South Country Fair is held every year in the month of July at The Fish & Game Park in Fort Macleod.

South Country Fair XXVILeyland BradleyNews Editor

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Sled Island There is no possible way to see everything that this festival has to offer. With over 200 artists playing at over 30 venues, Sled Island showcases some of today’s best talent as well as a lot of what Calgary has to offer. From film and art to comedy and music, this festival has something for everyone, including all-ages shows at both indoor and outdoor venues. The Kick-Off Show at Commonwealth starts the festival off with an eclectic mix of performers that gives you a taste of what Sled Island is all about. Being the only venue on the first night, if you don’t show up early it could be a little hard to get in, but well worth the wait. The following day brings a world of possibilities for the remainder of the festival. Most of the venues are located in the downtown area, making it easy to get in a full day of shows without having to struggle to find parking more than once. Imagine getting up on stage with the entire audience to dance with Beekeeper, then being blown away by the ambient pop styling of We Are The City at the National Music Centre. Then go just down the street to catch the end of The Weir’s set before being taken on a musical journey by Boris at Commonwealth. On Friday, not even the rain could dampen the spirits of the crowds gathered at Olympic Plaza. Sitting under an umbrella with a gentle shower all around adds to the experience and helps to create the perfect atmosphere to enjoy the soothing folk music of Wake Owl. As Timber Timbre’s eerily beautiful set comes to an end you can feel

the anticipation in the air. The crowd cheers as soon as Feist comes on stage. Proving just how talented and adaptable she can be, she keeps you engaged the entire time. You can tell she is having a great time rocking out on her guitar. She keeps everyone guessing, and onlookers sometimes don’t know which song she is playing until they hear her start to sing one of their favourites. Although some of the venues are a little out of the way, the C-Train is there to save the day. After laughing it up at the Auburn Saloon just a short train ride to The Gateway to be swept away by Jessica Jalbert and her ethereal folk music, like living in a daydream until the psychedelic kaleidoscope of White Poppy breaks through the clouds. Then closing like the perfect sunset with Wake Owl. On the final night of the festival, crowds flock to the Republic to start off their night with the silky sedated sound of The Ketamines and Grave Babies. Picking it up with Dirty Ghosts then rocking out to Blind Shake puts you in the mood to dance it up with Duchess Says and their fun synth punk. Then off to either The Hifi Club to dance the night away with DJ Rice and J Boogie, or Broken City to share some of your own musical talent at Karaoke with Beau and PJ. With the festival coming to a close, you are not left with a feeling of sadness but of curiosity and excitement of how you will be able to choose your own party for next year. Whatever your taste in music, art and comedy you are guaranteed to have a great week.

Dustin WallisEntertainment Contributor

Travis RobinsonSports and Lifestyle Editorial

Watching Usain Bolt run is a demonstration in the art of speed. He seems to glide across the track, taking long and graceful strides, while maintaining a casual, languid upper body. Never before has the sprinting world seen such a tall man run at such speeds. His stride brings back memories of the great Carl Lewis, who himself is considered by some to be the greatest Olympic athlete ever. Lewis was built like a middle distance runner, long limbed and lanky. He took the pure power of sprinting and converted it into something graceful. Usain Bolt has also channelled the explosiveness of springing into a cool and balletic stride all his own. Bolt seems to float down the track while his competitors follow several metres behind him. It seems as though Bolt is a man among children. Bolt’s mastery of his stride has caused him to become the greatest and most popular athlete in recent track and field memory. No man has ever won back-to-back gold medals in both the 100 and 200 metre races at consecutive Olympic Games. Bolt accomplished this feat last

month in London, to the surprise of very few. His

relay team captured gold in the 4x100m relay, bringing his London total to three gold medals. Bolt was a prodigy, winning his first two individual gold

medals in Beijing at the age of 22.

He added in a relay medal, and thereby squashed any chance for another nation to win the 4x100m relay medal in the near future. Post London, Bolt has won six gold medals in track and field, an unbelievable number considering the competiveness of the sport and the level of competition surrounding him. More than this, however, is his holding of the world records in all three events. Bolt’s accomplishments have lifted him over every track and field star in terms of career achievement. Track and field aside, Bolt may be the single greatest athlete ever. His accomplishments do not compare to any other athletic achievement, and he has done so well before the age of 30. Bolt still may have another Olympics in him to further cement his legacy. Bolt pioneered a renaissance in sprinting. The late 1990s and early 2000s were a dark time for the sport, as a carousel of drug-enhanced athletes won at Olympic and World Championship competitions. The 100m world record was seemingly being broken at every track meet, whereas the 200m record, set by American Michael Johnson in 1996, seemed to be out of reach for even the most anabolic athlete. This changed in 2008, when a tall and lithe kid from the Jamaican countryside obliterated the 100 and 200m records at the same Olympic Games and breathed life into a dying sport. Fellow athletes agree that without Bolt, there is no track and field. The sport is built around star athletes who perform on a consistent basis and bring international attention to track meets. Not even the most optimistic dreamer could build an athlete as charismatic and dominating as Bolt. He brings track and field fans to the stadium because of his astronomic ability, and brings casual fans because of his megawatt presence and creative antics. Bolt is a saviour to the sport of track and field, and brings his best to big time competitions. He has not yet lost at a major competition, and even when this happens, Bolt will still be revered as the man who dominated a generation and saved a dying sport.

Insane Bolt: the mind-bending speed of the fastest man ever

Usain Bolt | Nick Webb

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Canada’s performance at the London Olympics last month started with promise but fizzled out into the abyss that is abysmal Canadian showings at the Summer Games. I far too often tuned into the various television stations broadcasting the games to see yet another Canadian medal hopeful falling victim to the pressure of the world’s stage. Our athletes, it seemed, had a penchant for crying – not because of victory, but rather, failure. Take, for example, female triathlete Paula Findlay. Her showings at international triathlons last year saw her rise to the top of the sport. As such, Findlay was a serious contender for a gold medal in the event that she had so dominated in world competitions. Unfortunately, a nagging injury caused the top-ranked Findlay to finish dead last in the competition, a truly horrific result for an athlete at the peak of her conditioning. As Findlay lumbered toward the finish line, she could be seen sobbing, clasping her mouth, and mouthing her apologies to her coaches and supporters. While Findlay’s reaction could be considered expected, given the magnitude of her failure, bitterness seemed to plague the Canadian athletes who achieved far less than expected. These lauded athletes seemed far too eager to display their disappointment publicly, as if public emotion in defeat is part of the Canadian sports ethos. Calgary heptathlete Jessica Zelinka seemed poised to become the face of the Olympics for Canada. With her facial attractiveness and stomach that looked to be assembled by a brick mason, along with her physical ability, Zelinka was yet another athlete with high medal expectations. After finishing a pedestrian seventh in the competition, Zelinka went from warm and friendly media darling to a terse and cold interviewee. While not crying publicly, Zelinka was certainly no fair loser. Like Findlay, Zelinka could not translate top results at previous global events into Olympic glory. Her public display of disappointment exemplified the bitterness of highly touted athletes in defeat. American football coach Mike Ditka once said that “if a player needs to cry, go cry at home.” While I am not advocating any sort of stoicism in sports, the emotions showed in Canada’s Olympic disappointments was not appropriate for any public venue. Heavily favoured athletes can break under the pressure of international competition, and it has happened many times in prior Olympic competitions. Whatever the factors may be, Canada seemed to have an unusual number of disappointments in London. While this can happen, handling the emotions of defeat is preventable. Due to their crying and immature reactions, our fallen stars only embarrassed themselves even more on the largest international stage imaginable. Not all of Canada’s athletes were mired in the pitfalls of game day jitters. A number of surprising results lifted the Canadian medal count to usual and cemented themselves as serious competitors. I found myself thoroughly charmed by Derek Drouin, the lanky and insouciant high jumper who took advantage of a volatile event and secured himself an unexpected bronze medal. Track and field medals are extremely scarce among Canadian athletes, and Drouin raised himself to the level of competition and secured the coveted prize. I need not mention the Canadian women’s football team, who, despite losing an extremely questionably-called game to the hated Americans, rallied around feisty team captain Christine Sinclair to claim a bronze medal. In both of these surprising cases, the athletes raised themselves to the level of competition, rather than playing down and fading out of the competition. I respect and admire any athlete who can qualify for the Olympics and compete at the highest level of known competition. While I admonish the immaturity of some athletes in dealing with defeat, I by no means have any less respect for these athletes. I may be trapped in the nostalgic glow of past Olympics, where favourites (think Donovan Bailey) won their competitions handily. Our showing at the London Games may not have been as glorious as previous games in terms of gold medal favourites, but our athletes won medals in more diverse competitions than ever. Even though it was a haul of bronze for Team Canada, just being able to capture a medal itself was in many cases a great success.

American hurdler Lolo Jones is a strikingly beautiful woman. Her model-like face is both exotic and wholesome, accented by jade eyes and a strong jaw line. Her body is rock hard, and Jones is not bashful when it comes to displaying it. Her comely appearance is only enhanced by her rags to riches life story. Jones grew up destitute and broke in Iowa, the product of a loving mother and a recidivist father. She escaped the poverty of her upbringing by hurdling her way to Louisiana State University, where she became a national star not only due to her looks but also her ability to fly down the track as if the hurdles were non-existent. The American media savoured the parallels between the sport of hurdling and Jones’ turbid upbringing. She escaped a life of poverty to become a starlet of track and field, and seemed to dodge every hurdle in her way. Jones was heavily favoured in the 100 metre hurdles event at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. She was showcased by the media as a down-to-earth girl with a sense of humour, who portrayed her as a breakout star of the games. She qualified for the final with ease, and seemed to be on her way to win the event when disaster struck. Jones clipped the second-to-last hurdle and stumbled, finishing seventh. Her public image shattered, Jones returned from Beijing a different athlete, one who needed to amplify her image in order to restore the public’s faith in her ability. Flash forward four years, and Jones has become a shameless self-promoter. She has proclaimed herself a virgin to HBO, taken to posting obnoxious statements on Facebook and Twitter, and posed for magazine covers in nothing but ribbons. Her media rampage is part promotional and part salvation. Jones’ hurdling ability has come into serious question, as she has fallen flat at numerous major outdoor meets post-Beijing. Jones is no longer a star as much as a lane filler, hurdling just good enough for a spot in the final. Because most track and field athletes survive off of a combination of winnings and sponsorship, Jones has had to magnify the latter in order to simply eat. Her image has taken priority, and the media has shaped her into a wide-eyed, virginal hottie. Her interview skills, never the most articulate, have suddenly become valuable, as her numerous malapropisms have further increased her naïve and adorable image. We are supposed to support Jones because she is such an adorable package, and savour her cuteness over her actual track and field ability. The media has made a child of the once tough and unbeatable Jones. In London, Jones placed fourth in the 100m hurdles final, respectable given a very fast field. Considering her previous finish at the Olympics, it could even be regarded as remarkable. Instead, however, the media tore apart Jones, calling her the Anna Kournikova of track and field, after the bombshell tennis player who never won and yet garnered the most media attention. Even Jones’ victorious teammate Dawn Harper was quick to point out that despite her own tough upbringing and road to redemption, her story was never mentioned by the Lolo Jones-loving media. Jones left London empty handed, with both the media and her teammates lashing out at her. The Lolo Jones saga is a sad one indeed. Her attractiveness overtook her abilities as a sprinter in the media, and in order to survive, Jones had to play the part. The turbulent sports media is notorious for building up a sports hero just to tear them down, and this has occurred in the Lolo Jones case. It is unfair to call the woman a looker with zero ability, for she has run times in her sport that are world class. She finished just outside of medal contention in London, despite having the enormous burden of beauty queen hanging over her head. Distractions aside, Jones ran a good race, and it is extremely unfair that the media, who literally sequestered her into playing the part of the spacey beauty, tore her apart because of this.

The Crying Games: an Olympic retrospective

Lolo Jones: An American (Horror) Story

Lolo Jones | Erik van Leeuwen

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** Submit your TLFs at www.themeliorist.ca. All TLFs must be submitted via a valid uleth email account. Keep in mind that slanderous or o�ensive TLFs may be edited or omitted. The TLFs do not re�ect the view or opinions of The Meliorist Publishing Society.

How Fresh?

Ask me about my lemons.

You know the party that everyone talks about all year? - Fresh U Jamboree

Fresh U Jamboree Sept 8 in the Grove - Don’t miss out!

I am Lethbridge’s Freshening! (Batrasp)

Hey 1st years! Wanna meet a bunch of fresh ppl?

Don’t forget to sign up for fresh fest.

Lemon Girl is so cute, I just wanna squeeze her until she squirts! – Lemon Boy

Fresh you, Fresh me, Fresh U Jamboree!

Contrary to popular belief…Scotty does know.

Are you down to Fresh? DTF!

You either die fresh or live long enough to see yourself

become stale…

Fresh U Jamboree—not the party Lethbridge needs, but the party it deserves.

Too Fresh!

Karaoke Tuesdays at the Zoo…Winning!

I was wondering what would break first: your body or your freshness.

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but school just started – so party maybe?

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but school just started – so study maybe.

A nation of sheep begets a government of wolves.

Jeremy, what are you doing here!? -- Cutie Pie

Juice Fare = Smoothie Hut? WTF?

Billy, the 2nd yr Eng maj. in my Anthro class = smokin!

Ce n’est pas une pipe.

NW: Return my call. Plzkthnx

The move in: smooth sailing Is it true Lethbridge has a skunk infestation? Or is that some other scent I’m smelling...

Uleth: a concrete ship on a sea of gold, full of proffs all-knowing but old. Ahhh, the pain of coming back to school: centered around the wallet area...

Keep calm and chive on

Its modern in a lonely world

My couch pulls out, I don't.

Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving til 5. Sincerely Unicorns

Dear JK Rowling, your books are entirely unrealistic: I mean a ginger kid with two friends...

Meliorist needs to step up their editing...

I feel like I've said moustache too many times this year...and it isn't even Movember yet.

HONEY BADGER DON'T GIVE A SH*T! ...especially since he doesn't go to LSU anymore

Think before you submit your TLF

We need a fake moustache dispenser on campus

You can't spell manslaughter without “laughter”...just sayin'

Take the bacon and RUN...

Monsieur Tofu: back for round two.

Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people

Now with preposterous amounts of testosterone: Preposterone!

The Meliorist is ONLINE in HD!Check out the Meliorist in full PDF version online through

www.themeliorist.ca or www.issuu.com/themeliorist

September 6, 2012 • 25

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Your pages, our promise: take up the challenge!

If life were a game, I'd distribute 10 attribute points to facial hair-growth ability.

Who I got to kill to get some decent schwarma in this town?

Oh! THATS what pipe cleaners are for!

You did what? To who? For HOW many jelly beans?

Jelly beans: the currency of love.

Share the Love!

To all them pretty ladies, and all them handsome men, it's good to see you walking around campus again!

Share the love!

Dude wearing uggs: +1 douche

Clubs, services, classes, homework, essays, life: this is university = notforwimps The_Meliorist! Follow us on Twitter! #uleth

Got a story for us? Let us know through twitter, face-book, or email an editor!

Whatcha think of the new style? We'd like to hear from you.

Nothing matters but the weekend from a Tuesday point of view

Back to school, the Everest Challenge, and dear, sweet, TLFs

HOW many people thought Moses was upside down when they first saw it? I know I'm not the only one...

First years on the stairs: book it!

Fly Death Patrol: 3/39057685

Superman vs. Batman: Spiderman Wins.

Mr. Bacon: crushes Mon-sieur Tofu, a little ham-fisted. Sucking pig as a dinner option should be brought back into style.

Can't wait to have a Jaime Sandwich....nom nom nom

University Course: $500, Textbook: $285, 100 Foot Slip and Slide experience with 50 strangers: Priceless

No one knows who the hell Billy is...

New Students: you don't know shit yet, but that's okay...you'll learn.

Older students: don't be hard on the new students, we want them tender and juicy for ritual sacrifice.

Its only the first week of school and you're already too tents and a Tipi.

Deer Muther: I learned gudd at Unyvercity.

I'm gonna beatcha like your father on a fishing trip...

Got your shoes on? Not for long... Come over to your place and slam your cupboard doors...

Hello Gorgeous Gals and Hand-some Hunks of the U of L!

Welcome back to your revised and revisited TLF section of the Meliorist! We hope you like the extra space we've given to your favorite section, but I'm also going to shamelessly plug the other awesome pages of the paper (seriously, check them out!). Feel free to TLF your way to EL fame all semester long. To submit, simply go to www.themeliorist.ca/tlf and make a submission. But please, be mature, be nice, and be polite. We don't want any bullying, slander, or libel. Silliness, exorbitant hyperbole and wonderful puns are more than welcome!

Have an excellent semester! KB, your EinC

New Media Students!Interested in an applied study working in graphic and

newspaper/magazine design? The Meliorist wants YOU! Contact p.manager@themeliorist.ca for details!

Volunteer with the Meliorist!The constant search for contributors, volunteers, and cool people

continues at your humble school newspaper: contact einc@themeliorist.ca for more detials!