7/31/2019 The Agony Chef - Sampler

1/3

Sassy advice and easy, tasty recipes with a generous dollop of humour

and a drizzle of wickedness. We loved it.

Jeremy & Jacqui Mansfeld, authors oZhoozsh!and Zhoozsh! Faking It

Chf

TeAgony

7/31/2019 The Agony Chef - Sampler

2/3

108 the agony chef

SAY IT AGAIN, DEAR

Dear Delilah

Ive come o dread our own dinner paries. My wife insiss on elling

he same sories over and over again. Teyre good sories and she ellshem well, bu my God! Weve been married 14 years! I don hink I

can go anoher 14 hearing abou he ime she was an au pair in Spain

and her employer leap from her bedroom close in a maador outi,

shouing Ol, ol. Really, I can. How can I pu a sop o i?

Ben

Id love o hear your wie ell me all abou ha, Ben; i sounds hilarious.

Curiously, I had a no dissimilar experience mysel, excep he was

wearing lederhosen and I was he one jumping ou o he close. Bu

I digress

I can see why you would preer o be spared he wenieh

rendiion o his and oher ales, bu heres he big quesion

is she boring oher people wih her sories, or only you?Because I have o say, Ben, ha his is one o he many rials o

marriage. You hear he same ales over and over again. Yes, you

wan o scream wih boredom. Yes, you conemplae divorce

or perhaps murder. Bu you gaze upon your beloved

wih a ascinaed and amused air, or all he world

as i his is he very frs ime youve heard ha

remarkable ale abou when he 18-year-old

Mark Zuckerberg asked your signifcan oher

o lend him $1 000 or a cerain ineresing

programming opporuniy: Can you

imagine wha Id be worh oday? In

reurn, when you ell your avourie

sory say, he one abou when you

me Mick Jagger in he loo a CapeTown airpor and didn recognise

him unil i was oo lae Even wih

INGREDIENTS

a large rump

olive oilsprig o hyme

sufcien rocke o cover anappropriaely large plater

big wedge o Parmesancheese

Maldon sal

black pepper

olive oil

1 lemon

IALIAN SEAK

So heres wha you do. You willhave your own preerred

mehod o cooking a largeseak. For my money, you can

do beter han rubbing i wih

olive oil and resh hyme, andsearing i quickly on he braai

so ha i is deliciously browned

on he ouside, wih he middlea ew clicks his side o some-

hing Lady Gaga migh wear.Allow your seak o si or fve

minues while you arrange

well, no sooss he

large plate

hinly and he arrang

slices on hNex, shav

ogeher w

sal, black good olive

o lemon m

By his imhave fnish

hose lips, can you believe i? she will appear suia

amazed.

I is simply no possible or a person o generae

o he calibre o he maador-oui-wearing-Spaniar

o enerain a spouse. I presume you are now in your

is probably helping a child wih geography homewor

backpacking hrough he Amazon eaing guinea pigs

herbs in he company o a shaman. (A sory ha, sad

permi me o share wih you here.)

So, when your wie sars on an anecdoe youve

excuse yoursel and slip ou o make he dish below.

ree main course, bu does require a litle las-minu

giving you an opporuniy or escape.

7/31/2019 The Agony Chef - Sampler

3/3

122 the agony chef

her faceappears to havebeen donatedby a younger,tauter woman.

ABOUT FACE

Dear Delilah

My riend Sally is coming or lunch or he rs ime since her acelif

(Im having my girlriends round or a summery Saurday lunch). Shedidn specically ell me she was having he op, alhough i is prety

much an open secre and shes known o be surgery-happy. Wha is he

preerred eiquete in his siuaion? Do I acknowledge he new ace?

Ask abou he op? Or simply skip he whole hing?

Harrie

My bes advice, Harrie, is o go or somehing generic such as, You look

grea. Cerainly, don broach he subjec i here are oher people around

and do ry no o peer behind her ears looking or saples and scars. Shell

give you he deails i she wans o. I she does, and she looks good, ry o

nd ou who did i, jus in case. A good plasic surgeon is hard o nd.

A successul acelif is one ha makes he wearer look as i shes

been on a long and restul holiday, perhaps wih a young and vigorous

lover (no so vigorous or invenive as o leave her wide-eyed wih

asonishmen). Teres a well-known socialie around own who has been

so horoughly lifed ha her ace appears o have been donaed by a

younger, auer woman. I always wonder i here is, in some dusy village

somewhere, a lihe young woman wih he wrinkled visage o a sun-

damaged old lady.

My poin, digressions aside, is ha he newly lifed does no wan o

hear, Oh my God, wha a brillian acelif, I barely recognised you!

Incidenally, i you are having he ladies round or lunch, ry his

delicious salmon. I is low-a, and i doesn require oo much gnawing

and chewing, which migh exacerbae any enderness Sally may be

experiencing around he jaw area. Te salmon is grilled and served on op

o a salsa/salad. Couldn be easier or more delicious.

SALMON WITH CITRUS SALSA

Mix up he ingrediens or hemarinade, pour over he

salmon and leave or an hour.

Hea he oven o 180 C. Place

he salmon on an oiled bakingray, base i wih any remainingmarinade and pu i in he

oven. Check i afer 10 minues.

Yes, i really is ha quick i you likei rare in he middle as I do. You

may wan o sick i back in or

anoher 5 minues, bu donoverdo i.

Mix all he saogeher a

our plaes

remaining

salmon ondrizzle he

he op.Serve wih re

simple boichopped m

buter.

INGREDIENS

pppy zpc

or the marinadeN u, buugy:

1 Tb v 1 Tb gg, g

1 Tb y uc

1 p y

1 Tb juc

or the salsa cup cucub, c

cup , fycpp

cup ppp, c

cup yw ppp, c

c, fy cpp,

u c,cpp

juc z 1 2

1 cv gc, fy cpp

gg, fy cpp

ppp

BURNING CALORIES

Dear Delilah

Ive heard here are oods ha acually burn los

Wha are hey?

Jacqui

Te bes way o burn l os o calories,

Jacqui, is o se a doughnu on re.