TakeControlAguidetopersonaldevelopmentby

thePowerofHabits

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PrefaceCh.1:IntroductionCh.2:ProcrastinationWhydoweprocrastinate?

Thegoodsignbehindprocrastinating

Howtoovercomeprocrastination

Ch.3:Know&understandyourselffirstMirror,mirror,whoamI?

Theimportanceofvisualization

Whatexactlyisvisualization?

Thevisualizationprocess

Ch.4:WhydoIwanttochange?Acceptanceifveryimportant

Importanceofself-love

Thinkinglowaboutyourselfwillonlymakeitworse

Findagoaltoworkon

Ch.5:Guidelinesforimprovingconfidenceandself-esteemCreatearecordofpositivequalitiesyouhaveanddefineworthiness

Makeanactivitydiaryforallyourachievements

Challengingnegativecorebeliefs

Ch.6:IntroducingHabitsinyourlifeThepowerofhabits

Whatshouldanyoneneedhabitstolivehappierandbemoreconfident

Ch.7:The5HabitssystemCh.8:NextstepstokeepingyourhabitsforlifeConsistencyisthekey

Tipstoavoidfallingagain

Ch.9:TakealookbackConclusion

Preface

MichaelWeltonhasbeenapersonaldevelopmentcoachforthelast15yearsandhasnowstartedwritingabout it.He is stillworkingas a coachand shareshisexperiencesthroughhisbookstohelpasmanypeopleashecan.Michael’s effective life lessons have become a significant touchstone in thepersonalcoachfield,helpingthousandsofpeopleovercomenegativehabitsandgain confidence. The book gives readers a detailed roadmap on how tosuccessfullyovercomecommonbutdestructivehabits, such asprocrastination,constant worry, addictions, and overeating, taking risks, among others.Followingthetipsinthisbookisgoingtoenablereaderstolivelifeinamorerelaxedandeffectiveway.

Ch.1:Introduction

Inthisbook,expertpersonaldevelopmentcoachMichaelWeltontakesustotheedge of discoveries that explain the reason behind why habits are reallyimportantinourlifeandhownegativehabitscanbechanged.Habitsarereallyimportant and there is noway to go through lifewithout them.They regulatemanyregularactivitiesinourlifeandassistusinfreeingourmindssothatwecan concentrate on other activities. The key to being healthy, exercisingregularly,workinginamoreproductivemanner,andbeingmoresuccessfullyisproperly understanding the way habits work. As Michael explains, by takingadvantage of positive habits, we will be able to positively transform ourcommunities,workplace,relationshipswithotherpeople,andevenourlife.Ifyouareabletobuildyourconfidence,youaregoingtolivefreeofdoubtandself-criticism.Youarealsogoingtobeabletoovercomechallengesinyourlife,being comfortable around people, and generally feeling great about yourself.Whenyouhavelowself-confidence,theideaoflovingyourselfisforeign.Youconsider yourself to be unworthy and always have the feeling that there isnothinginyoutoloveorappreciate.Infact,youwillprobablyfindmorereasonsto hate yourself. The book also consists of detailed tips on how readers canimprovetheirconfidenceandlivealifefreefromconstantworryandanxiety.Thenextchapteristhestartofyournewlife.

Ch.2:ProcrastinationWhydoweprocrastinate?Whetherpeopleareconsciouslyawareofitorthey’renot, theyspendhoursoftheirtimeprocrastinating.Thisisanactiontheyrepeatonaregularbasisevenifits results to unpleasant feelings like fear and discomfort.Why do people dothis?Whataboutprocrastinatingthatissoeffectivethatpeoplearecompelledtorepeatthisbehaviourconstantly?Themain reason behind procrastination is fear.That instinctive feelingwhosereason is toprotectus fromdangerorpainandpushusaway from things thatcan threaten our pride, emotions, or life.However, left undone or unchecked,thesefearscanresult inclingingtothehopethatisweprocrastinateforalongtime, the situation is going to become better, and misgivings are going todisappearandwillbemoreclear.You tell yourself that ‘’oneday’’, youaregoing tomake the changesneeded,timingwillbecomebetter,oryourconfidenceisgoingtobecomestronger.On the other hand,many procrastinate because theywant to think there stepsthrough carefully before implementing a certain action or taking a decision.They prefer to wait and think about it many times before making the finaldecision.Believeitornot,manyperfectionistsareprocrastinators,astheythink‘’Idon’thavetherequiredskillstoaccomplishthisperfectly,soI’mgoingtoputitoffforawhileorwon’tdoitall.

ThegoodsignbehindprocrastinatingYouhaveprobablybeentaughtthattheprocessofprocrastinationisnotgood—itmeans that you’re lazy, not careful, and disorganized. The truth is that youcan’treallyhelpyourselfbutdoit.Sometimes,youjustdon’twanttospendtimedoingsomethingunlessthedeadlineisclose.Whenyouthinkaboutit, thereisdefinitelysomethingthatisbeneficialforyou.

Fivemainadvantagesofprocrastinationare:

1. ItleadstoaboostinenergyWeusuallyprocrastinateonactivitiesthatwedon’tlikeorknowaretedious.Wehavenoorlowenergytoaccomplishthesetasks.Fearofaclosedeadlineresultsinthereleaseofadrenalinewhichisasourceofenergy.Whenweprocrastinate,weusefearandworryasamotivator.Asthedeadlinebecomescloser,weworryabouttheresultsofnotgettingsomethingaccomplishedontime.Thatfearleadsto thereleaseofadrenaline,apainkiller,andhavinglesspainmakesachievingdifficult tasks a lot easier. Energy is definitely the strongest advantage ofprocrastination.

2. BetterfocusWhenwewaituntil thelast timetoaccomplisha task, thiswillresult tobetterfocus.Due to therush tofulfiladeadline, thepossibilityofbeingdistracted islow.Wearen’tgoingtobeansweringcalls,emails,orthinkingaboutcheckinganyelseuntilthetaskisaccomplished.

3. FasterworkWhenwehavelesstimetoaccomplishatask,wearemostlikelygoingtogetitdone faster. The tasks that you have been avoiding are going to be easier toaccomplishbecauseyouwillgetthemdoneassoonaspossible.

4. OtherthingsgeteasierSubmittingafinancialreportoreditingworkisgoingtobeeasyincomparisonto the tasks you’re avoiding. This is going to let you get all the things donepainlesslybecauseyou’reglad toavoiddoing the thingsyou’reprocrastinatingon.

5. LoweringexpectationsTherearemanycaseswherepeoplearescaredoffailingatacertaintasksotheywaituntilthedeadlineisclose.Theywillthenblamethequalityonthedeadlineifitisn’tuptostandards.Usingprocrastinationtoyourbenefitisn’tabadtechniqueatallforgettingtheenergyyourequiretoaccomplishtasksthatyouneedtogetdoneorhavebeenavoiding.Whether youwant to take out rubbish, finish a report, or simply doanything that you’ve been avoiding, procrastination is a great way for you toaccomplishtasksinaslesstimeaspossible.Eventhoughthereisapositivesidetoprocrastination,itisessentialtoovercomeit.Tipsonovercomingitareincludedinthenextsubchapter.Howtoovercomeprocrastination

Step1:Understandthatyou’reprocrastinatingWhen you procrastinate, you’re probably aware that you’re doing it. Do youusually fill your day with tasks that are a low priority? Do you read emailnumerous timeswithoutbeginningwork?Doyouwait for the ‘’right time’’ togetsomethingdone?Ifyouranswerisyestothesequestions,thenyouareinfactprocrastinating.

Step2:DeterminethereasonbehindprocrastinatingThisdependsonyouandthetask.Itisessentialtodeterminewhichofthetwoisapplicable in a certain situation, so you can choose the suitable strategy forovercomingyourlackofenthusiasm.Onereasonisthatpeoplemightfindthetaskunpleasantandattempttoavoiditasmuchaspossible.Thebestwaytosolvethisisbygettingthetaskasquicklyaspossible.Thiswillenableyoutofocusmoreontheenjoyableaspectsofthetask.Anotherreasonisbeingdisorganisedorfeelingoverwhelmedbythetask.Thesolutionforthisistryingtobecomeorganised.Thiswillhelpyouinstayingfocusedandavoidingtemptationbecauseyou’regoingtohavethingssuchasto-do-listsandnoteswhichemphasizehowsignificanttheworkis.

Step3:implementanti-procrastinationtechniquesProcrastination is a popular habit-a deeply embedded behaviour pattern. Thismeans thatyouwon’t juststop itovernight.Sometips thatcangetyoustartedare:

Createyourownrewards.Forexample,buyingyourfavouritedessertorwatchingyourfavouritemovieifyouhavecompletedatask.Askanotherperson toconstantlycheckuponyou.Yes,peerpressuredoeswork.Identifytheunfavourableresultsofnotaccomplishingthetask.

If you’re avoiding completing a task because it is overwhelming, you have totakeauniqueapproach.

Start by dividing the project into smaller and manageable tasks. It isdefinitelyhelpfultoestablishanactionplan.Beginwith fastandsmall tasks ifyoucould,even if it isn’t logical tobegin with them first. You’re going to feel that you’re accomplishingthings,andperhapstheprojectisn’tgoingtofeeloverwhelmingafterall.

Ch.3:Know&understandyourselffirstMirror,mirror,whoamI?Thefirststep to fixingany issue isadmittingyouhaveone,and that is true inevery part of life. Self-awareness is really important if youwant to let go ofnegativehabits.Itisessentialtounderstandthatself-improvementisdifficulttoaccomplishwithoutself-awareness.Self-awarenessinvolvesproperlyunderstandingyourneeds,failings,badhabits,andsimplyanything thatyouwant tochange.Themoreyouunderstandaboutyourself,thebetteryouaregoingtobeatimplementingpositivelifechange.Ofcourse, self-awareness is an important part of both the therapy process andphilosophy. It is also the main basis of what is known as ‘’quantified self-movement’’,whichexplainsthatifyoucollectinformationaboutyourself,youaregoingtobeabletomakeimprovementbasedonthisdata.Essentially, themoreyougiveyouremotionsand thewayyouworkattention,thebetteryouaregoingtounderstandwhythingsaredonethewaytheyare.Themoreyouunderstandyourhabits, the easier it is going tobe to enhance thesehabits.Inmanysituations,thistakesexperimentation.

Thefactisthatyoucanimplementeverysingletipoutthereandreadeveryself-helpbookintheworld,butthisiscompletelypointlessifyoudon’tunderstandyourself well enough so you can implement the correct advice. For example,whenIwas inuniversity, Iused tospendmostofmytimestayingup lateandfinishingpaperuntillateintheevening.Myroomwasacompletemess,Ididn’tevenworkonaproperdesk, and I spentendlessall-nighters. I felt tiredeverysingledayandthisaffectedthepapersthatIwaswriting.ThisiswhenIstartedbeing‘’aware’’thatthisisanissueandhastochange.IfIwasn’tawareofthis,Iwouldn’thavebeenabletolearnhowtoorganizemylifeandimprovemytimemanagementskills.

TheimportanceofvisualizationVisualization is an important tool for personal development. The same wayaffirmations can assist you in motivating yourself, being more energetic, andfocusmoretosuccessfullyachieveyourgoals,socanvisualization.Eventhoughithasonlygainedpopularityasapersonaldevelopmenttoolduringthelateseventies,wehaveactuallybeenusingmentalimageryforareallylongtime.When there isan idea todosomething,weactuallyvisualize it first.Forexample, if we are hungry and would like to eat, we picture various foodpossibilities.Wealsoconsiderwhetherwewouldliketocoolathomeorgoout,andwhetherwewanttoeataloneornot.Whenwehaveaneventoattend,wevisualizetheoutfitwearegoingtowearandwhatshopswewillgotoifweneedtogoshopping.Whatexactlyisvisualization?Itistheprocessofusingourimaginationthroughmentalimageryandpicturestomakevisionsofwhatwe reallywant fromour lives andhowwearegoing tomake this take place.Alongwith focus and feelings, it becomes a strong andcreativetoolthatassistsustoachievewhatwereallywantinlife.When used the rightway, it can lead to self-improvement, good health, assist

you in performing well in different aspects of your life, and successfullyaccomplishgoalsinlife.Mentalimageryisusuallyusedbyathletestoenhancetheirskillsbyvisualizingtheirachievements, likesuccessfullyfinishingarace.Thegoodnewsisthatvisualizationcanbeusedforanythinginlife,whetheryouwanttoimproveyourselfinworkordeliveraspeech.

Howexactlydoesitwork?The reason why visualization works is because when you picture yourselfperformingwellanddoingwhatyouwant,youcreateneutralpatterns,justlikeifyouactuallyperformedtheaction.Theideacanstimulatethenervoussysteminawayliketheactualevent.Performing and rehearsing a situation in themind creates neural patterns thatteach our body andmuscles to do what wewould like them to do. This is areasonwhymany athletes have to go through trainingwhere they learn aboutvisualization.Inordertobedoneeffectively,suchasanyskill,visualizationhasto be practiced on a regular basis. The four mental imagery elements arerelaxation,regularity,realism,andreinforcement.Whenshouldvisualizationbeused?

For successful results:- This includes performing skills at high levels,successfully achieving goals, being who you want to be in life, andlivingthelifeyoulike.Tomotivate: imagine yourself successfully achieving goals to remindyourselfofyourgoalsandwhatyouaregoingtodotosuccessfullyreachthem. There is a reason why many athletes, actors, and even singersvisualize themselves before carrying out a routine, program, or get itdone many times in their minds before actually implementing them.However,youdon’thavetobeasinger,actor,orathletesoyoucandothis. All you have to do is having a goal inmind and the passion forworkinghardtogetitdone.Forrunthroughs:-Itisessentialthatarunthroughofessentialelementsof thegoal isdonefirst.Forexample, thisassists theminfocusingandremoving pre-performance jitters, therefore making them morecomfortable. You can look at it as something like a warm-up or pre-rehearsal.

Visualization is an excellent tool to be able to prepare for anything andeverything.Itusuallyresultsinhigherperformancelevels.Thevisualizationprocess

1. Gosomewherewhere it isquiet andyouknowyouaren’tgoing tobedisturbedatall.Closeyoureyesandstartthinkingaboutthegoal,mood,orevennewskillthatyouwanttoaccomplish.

2. Breathedeeply.3. Visualization the situation or goal in mind as clearly as possible and

withasmuchdetailsandconcentrationaspossible.4. Addemotionsandfeelingstothevision.5. Practicethisatleasttwotimesperdayforabouttenminuteseverytime.6. Persevereuntilyouhavecompletelysucceeded.7. Maintain motivational thoughts and a positive attitude throughout the

wholeprocess.

Ch.4:WhydoIwanttochange?

AcceptanceifveryimportantAccepting who you are is really important because if you don’t, this is mostlikelygoingtoleadtoseveral issuesandstopyoufromprogressinginlifeandchangingtothebetter.Self-acceptancemeans that you completelyunderstand thepersonyou are andwhereyourpowerpointsandweaknessesare.Thisisgoingtoenableyoutobecomfortableinyourownskin.Ifyouareabletobuildyourconfidence,youaregoingtolivefreeofdoubtandself-criticism.Youarealsogoingtobeabletoovercomechallengesinyourlife,beingcomfortablearoundpeople,andgenerallyfeelinggreataboutyourself.Whenyouhavelowself-confidence,theideaoflovingyourselfisforeign.Youconsider yourself to be unworthy and always have the feeling that there isnothinginyoutoloveorappreciate.Infact,youwillprobablyfindmorereasonstohateyourself.Lowself-confidence isa self-fulfillingprophecy.Whenyouhateyourself, thiswill lead toyouhaving lessmotivationandevenenergy.Yourself-confidencewill continuously decrease as your brain focuses on negative thinking only,furtherdrowningyouinideasandbeliefthataren’trealisticwhatsoever.

Self-confidence improves by changing the way you think and behave. It isimportant that you practice new types of behaviours and idea until you startfeelingasignificant improvement.However, this issometimeseasiersaid thandone.Manypeoplefinditdifficulttofeelconfidenceorlovewhotheyare,evenif they practice these thoughts or try to establish a concept in theirmind thatthey’reworthy. For example,when someone gives them a simple complimentlikeyou’rebeautiful’’.Insteadoftakingthecomplimentandfeelinghappyaboutit,theyendupreversingthecomplimentandfeelinguglyandunlovable.Underlyingemotionalchallengesthatyouface,likedepressionandrelationshipissues,isthemainstruggleforlovingyourself.Whenyoudon’tfeelthatyou’reworthyoraren’tabletoacceptweaknessesyouhave,youaregoingtoprobablyshovedownhowyou’refeeling(usuallyresultsinanxiety)orexpressivethewayyoufeelinanunhealthymanner(angerordysfunctionalbehaviour)Confidence is simplyhaving the feelingof certainty.Whenyou feel confidentaboutsomething,thenyou’recertainaboutit.Let’sputitthisway,whenyou’reconfident about yourself, then you’re certain aboutwho you are and that youhave amazing features. Confidence is also a feeling, just like anxiety or self-doubt.However,thedifferenceisthatthiscanbeapositivefeelingthatchangesyourlife.Confidenceisalsorelatedtoesteemandwhetheryouloveyourselfornot.Confidencealsoincludesdifferentcomponents:

Self-acceptance: it requires understanding the person you are andaccepting that you have faults.Only after you start accept yourself doyoubeginchangingandbecomingthepersonyouwouldliketobe.Self

acceptanceinvolvesacceptingthepaceyouaregrowinginandfailuresthathappen.Selfawarenessisanintegralpartofselfacceptance,asyoubeginnoticingotherconfidenceareasthatyoudon’thave,acceptthem,andthenworktofixthem.

Self-respect:Self-respectisanimportantcomponentofconfidence.Thisdoesn’t only include your actions, but the way you speak to yourself,which is really important and can’t be understated. You are going tospeaktoyourselfonadailybasisandfeedingyoursubconsciouswithadifferentmessageaboutwhoyouare.Areyougoingtobeupsetalldayortreatyourselfrespectfully?

Self-esteem: it is considered to be the value you give yourself.Recognizing and confirming that you are great and valuable. As acomponent of self-esteem, it also involves not accepting what isconsideredtobesubstandardbehaviours.

Self-belief: this is oneof themost important componentsof thisbookand confidence. Believing in yourself and trusting your judgement,skills, andbehaviour is self-love. It is the idea thatnomatterwhat theoutcomeis,youaregoingtobeabletomanageandhandleit.

Self-love: when you think about the concept of falling in love, asignificantproportionofitissimilartoconfidence.Youwillalwaysfeelenergetic, happy, and ready to face the world. When you practice,buildingthesefeelingswillenhanceyouroverallconfidence.Happiness

is synonymouswithconfidence,exactly like love isa stronglypositiveemotion.Youshouldlikeandloveyourself.Eventhoughthisideacouldbe hard to grasp in the beginning, as the expression says ‘’she lovesherself’’ is considered tobederogatory inour culture today.However,the purpose isn’t egotism here, but to genuinely love and accept thepersonyouare.

Self-assurance:thisisthemainthingthatpeoplesaywhenyouaskthemabout what makes them confident. Understanding your purpose andvalidating yourself, instead of searching for others to validate you isessentialcomponentofself-assurance.Themaindifferencebetweenselfassurance and belief is similar to the difference you go throughwhenyousayyouunderstandsomethingasopposedtocompletelytrustingthatyou do. Knowing involves absolute certainty.Without self belief, youresilience to any negative circumstances will crumble. Both areimportantandcomplimentary.

Self-determination is having complete freedom and being control ofyourcircumstancesandreality.Youareincompletecontrolofwhoyouareandyourbeliefsandthenactbasedonthem.

Youmightreadallthesedifferentcomponentsandwonderhowyoucanachieveall of them. The truth is that once you start improving one, the rest isautomatically going to follow. For example, when you love yourself, you aregoing to have self assurance aswell.When you have self assurance, youwillhavecompletecontrolofwhoyouareandyourlife.Thegoodnews is that this book includes guidelines onhowyou can improve

confidenceandself-esteem.

Importanceofself-loveSelf-loveisimportantforbeingafullyactualizedperson.Whenyoudon’tlovewhoyouare,thisisgoingtocompromisetherelationshipsyouhavewithotherpeopleandotherimportantaspectsofyourlife.Youprobablywon'tevenbeabletofunctionatanoptimaldegreeorbetrulyhappy.Also,lowself-lovecanleadtoself-sabotageandunstablebehaviourlike:

Feelingneedyandinsecure.Feelinglikeyouhavetopleasepeopleallthetime.Defensivenessandoversensitivitytopeople’scriticism.Eatingdisorders.Unstablerelationships.Poorcommunicationandsocialskills.Underachievement.Workaholicbehaviour.

Self-lovecanbeverydifficulttoachieveattimesbecausesometimes,theworlddoesn’treallyreflectwhatwewanttobelieveaboutwhoweare.Forexample,someone can accept the idea that they’re worthy, but in the real world, thispersonwillencounter judgementsandcriticismwhichmightbringthemdown.Inmanycases,peoplecanbetoldtheyaren’treallythatgoodinsomething,liketheirjobforexample,andsadlytheyendupbelievingit.

Manypeople have forgotten that theyneed to trust themselves anddependontheirbeliefsandthewaytheyseemthemselves.Instead,theyenduplookingorwaitingforothers tobuild themupandgive themwhat theywant. Ifsomeonedoesn’t likewhoweare,wecanendupstruggling tocompletelychanging thewaywearejusttogainthisperson’sapprovalandfitin.Also, many people are getting trapped in what is known as ‘’the negativitybias’’.This isanevolutionaryadaptationwhereweenduppayingattention tonegative ideas instead of positive ones.With all these challenges taking overeffortstofeelconfidentandlovewhoweare,itisn’tshockingthatmanypeopleovertheworlddon’tlovethemselvesandsuffergreatlyfromittotrulyembracewho we are, we need to learn how to think of ourselves in a new way andrespondpositivelytotheinputthatwereceivefromthosearoundus.Whenyouacceptyourself, this isgoing toenhanceyourself-valueandenableyoutoacceptotherpeople.Self-acceptancewillenableyoutobehappywiththeperson you arewithout giving up any opportunities to improve or progress inlife.Thinkinglowaboutyourselfwillonlymakeitworse

Whenyouthinklowaboutyourselfandconstantlycomplain,thisisjustgoingtomakethingsworseforyou.Let’slookatsomeoftheseissues:-

Lowself-esteem–Notacceptingwhoyouaremeansthatyouhavelow

self-esteemandthisisprobablygoingtogetworseasthedaysgoby.

Avoiding the truth-Many peoplewho don’t acceptwho they are pushthemselvestobewhotheyaren’t.

Unhappiness-thisisassociatedwiththelast2pointsbecauseyouaren’tgoingtobeenjoyinglifeasyouwillbeoverlookingyourinnervoice.

Not believing in yourself-low confidence and self-esteemwill lead toyounotbeingsureofwhoyouareandwhatyouwanttoachieveinlife.

Oneoftheworstthingsyoucandoisneglectthewayyoufeeloryourthoughts.Beginpayingattentiontowhereyourthoughtsarecomingfromandhowoftendoyouthinkaboutyourselfinanegativeway.Thisawarenessaloneisgoingtohelp you in eliminating these thoughts from your head, even if it only for acoupleofminutes.Reduce thepowerofnegative ideasbyunderstandingwhattheyareinidentifyingthem.When you become aware of these patterns, you should begin filtering thesethoughts by applying reality to them.Yes, this is definitely something that noone likesdoing,but it isgoing tobringyouonestepcloser to improvingyourconfidence.

Whenthereisachanceforpositivechange,thengoforitanddowhateveryoucantochangeyourbehavioursandideas tosupport thisaswell.Keepinmindthat just an outward change isn’t enough to make you feel lovable aboutyourself. Even though it is a great thing that you are taking action to changeyourselftothebetter,thisactionhastobesupportedwiththeinnerworkonthewayyouarethinking.Afterall,whatisthepointofchangingcertainbehaviourtothebetterifyoudon’treallybelieveitinyourhead?Findagoaltoworkon“Thetroublewithnothavingagoalisthatyoucanspendyourliferunningup

anddownthefieldandneverscore.”~BillCopelandOk,sothisisprobablynotthefirsttimeyouhaveheardabouttheimportanceofsetting goals, and it won’t be the last. Understanding the significance of goalsettingisessentialtoaccomplishingoutstandingthingsinlife.Reasonswhytheprocess of goal setting is important and what you can do to implement iteffectivelyincludes:-

1. GoalsmoveyouforwardWriting down a goalwith a fixed date for accomplishing a task provides youwith something to work for. A written goal is an external depiction of yourdesiresandacontinuous reminderofwhatyouhave toaccomplish.There isaveryregularpatternthatcomeswithimplementingactionstowardsgoals.Whenyouputyourmindtoachievesomething,youbecomeexcitedandworkhardandthenmotivationbegins to decrease.Havinggoals that you could focuson andimagineassistyouinconnectingyourselfwithinnerdesires.Thisalsogivesyouthemotivationrequiredtoworkduringaperiodwherefocusbeginsdecreasing.

2. GoalsenableustoachievedreamsManyofushavedreamsthatseemunrealisticorimpossibletoachieve.Itiseasytobecomediscouragedwhenyouhaveamassivedream.Effectivegoalsettingcanassistbreaklargergoalsintosmallerandachievableones.Planningtowardsthesegoalsdoesn’tonlymakeitaloteasiertodeviseanactionplanthatyoucanstart working on instantly, but research has demonstrated that implementingsmallermilestonesincreasemotivationandleadstohighercontentment.

3. HelpsustrustinourselvesGoalsettingisamethodtofuelambition.Itisn’tonlyaboutcreatingastrategyforyourlifeandbeingaccountable.Itisalsoaboutgettingtheinspirationneededtoachievethingsweneverthoughtwecould.Areyoulookingtoachievethingsthat many individuals dream about, but fewer people actually end upaccomplishing? If you don’t make it as an important goal and work towardsfulfillingit,whywouldyoubelievethatyoucanaccomplishit?

4. GoalsmakeyouaccountableformistakesandfailureWhenyoudon’twritedowngoalsandsetatimelinetoachievethem,howcanyougobackandre-assess thepathyou took ifyoufailed?There issomethingreallyhumblingaboutgoingbackonthegoalsyouhaveplacedforyourselfandrealizing that you should have accomplished more and understand what yourmistakeswere.Thiswill result inyouavoiding thesamemistakesagain in thefuture.

5. LivinglifetothemaxWhenyousetgoals,youmakesurethatyourlifeisdirectedtowardsdoingwhatyouwantandachievingthemostyoucan.Thereissomuchyoucanexperiencein life,but thefact is thatmany thingswewould like toachievewillneverbeeasilyhandedtousandwehavetoworktoachievethem.Ofcourse,thisdoesn’tnecessarilymean that every single second of your life has to be planned out.Duringthejourney,youaregoingtofindmanyinterestingthingstodoandlearnthatyouneverwould ifyoudidn’t setgoals in thebeginning.Youmight alsostartlearningnewthingsandbeingabletoorganizeyourlifeinabetterway.

Ch.5:Guidelinesforimprovingconfidenceandself-esteem

CreatearecordofpositivequalitiesyouhaveanddefineworthinessOne of the biggest steps anyone can take in loving themselves is remindingthemselves about the type of person they are and can be.This sounds simple,yes,butalsochallengingwhenyoureallydon’tthinkthatmuchaboutthepersonyou are or don’t believe that you have good qualities. People with low self-confidence don’t even believe that they have good qualities, no matter howmuchpeopletellthemthattheydo.However,theykeyhereispersistence.Themoreyourecallthem,everyoneofthem,themoreyou’regoingtobelievethem.Whenyoure-readyourlife,youwillfindthatyouhavemanyqualitiesthatyouare proud of.When you start gaining self-confidence, you are going to beginunderstandingthatthesepeoplewererightwhentheyweretellingyouabouttheamazingqualitiesyouhave.Theprocedureofwritingthemdownwill reassureyouthatyouaredefinitelyworthwhile.Youshouldthenwritedownexampleofwhen you displayed these qualities. You don’t necessarily have to do this tomanyqualities.Agood ideawouldbe to choose fiveof thebestqualitiesyouhave.Forexample,ifoneofyouramazingqualitiesisthatyouarehonest.Youshouldthenwriteitdownandnexttoitexplainsituationswhenyouwerehonest,like when you said the truth in a serious situation or when you returnedsomething expensive thatwasn’t yours.Youwill nowhave concrete evidencethatyouhadattributedtoyourself-astrongsilencingtoolforyourinnercritic!

Examiningthevaluesyouhaveis importantaswell.Defineintegrity;getclearonthethingsyoubelievein,andhowyouwanttolive.Yes,takingadvicefrompeopleaboutyourlifeisimportant,butifitdoesn’tmakeyouhappy,thenwhydo it at all. For example, if someone tells you that you need to get marriedbecause this iswhat tradition says. If you don’t believe in this, you are nevergoingtobehappy.Aslongasyouaren’thurtinganyone,youshouldalwaysdowhatyouloveandgoforit.IstillrememberwhenIwasquittingmybankingjobandwantedtopursuewritingfullterm.EveryonetoldmenottodoitandthatIshouldstopdreamingandsticktosomethingmorestable.However,Ihatedmybankingjobsanditwasmakingmefeelmiserableeveryday,especiallybecauseIknewthereissomethingout there thatIcoulddothatI trulyloveandwouldmakemereallyhappy.Itooktheleap,startedwritingfullterm,anditdefinitelymademeonehundredtimeshappier.MakeanactivitydiaryforallyourachievementsMany people have reported that this step had the most impact on their self-confidence.Whenyouwritedownyourachievementsandgreatthingsyouhavedone on your level, this is going to positively impact your self-confidence.Whenever your self-confidence is low, you can look back to the diary andremember theoutstanding thingsyouhaveachievedand themanygreat thingsyoucanstilldointhefuture.Manypeoplehavethemisconceptionthattheachievementsyourecordhavetobegreatorsomethingsignificant.Thefactisthatthisisn’ttrueatall,anditcanbesomethingassimpleashelpingsomeonecarry theirgrocerybagsorgetting

anexcellentgradeonatest.Thepointisthatyouaregoingtolookbackatthediaryandrememberallthegreatthingsyouhavedone.Keepinmindthatwhatis considered to be an achievement for you doesn’t have to be for anotherperson.The process of recording your achievement is a really easy process too andwon’t take thatmuch time.Whatyoushoulddo is list entriesonadailybasisand then separate them based on three letters: A (for any achievements),F(activities you do that are fun), and R (relaxation activities). Achievementsstandsforanysuccessyouexperience,nomatterhowsmall, inyouracademic,personal,orworkcareer.Reachedouttoafriendafternotspeakingforawhile?That’s an achievement. Learnt something new about a field or topic you areinterestedin?Thisisconsideredtobeanachievementaswell.Whenitcomestofun activities, these are activities that are enjoyable or pleasurable to do.Thispartisforeveryonebutismoretargetedtoindividualswhospentsomuchtimeworking,studying,orsimplybeingstressedout.Doingsomethingfunwhenyouhaven’t done so in a while is considered to be an achievement. Finally,relaxationactivitiesareequallyimportantaswell.Youhaveprobablyreadabouttheimportanceoftakinganhourofeachdayforyourselfanddoingsomethingrelaxingorfun.Thisisveryimportantadviceandyoushouldmakesurethatyouspendatleasthalfanhoureverydaydoingsomethingrelaxingandbeneficialforyourhealth,suchasjogging,gettingamassage,sleepinganhourearly,yoga;theoptionsareliterallyendless.Make sure that you list small achievements as well. Even though theseinstructionsareverysimple, theyaregoing to transformthewayyouseeyourtime and care about yourself. No longer will you think of fun or relaxationactivitiesassomethingthat is frivolousornot important.Youwillsee themasbeing equally valid and important. You will also start seeing how there isnothingwrongwithhavingfunandenjoyingthejoyitgaveyou.Youwillalsofindwhatmakesyourelaxedandcalmer.Thefactis,thisisoneofthesimplestactivitiesyoucando.Allyouactuallyneedisapen,paper,ordiary.

ChallengingnegativecorebeliefsThe issue with core beliefs is that people believe them at their core.Unsurprisingly,oneof themainnegativebeliefs thatmanypeoplehave is thattheyareunlovable.Thefirstthingyoushoulddoiswritethisideadownandthenchallengeitsoyoucandiscoveracorebeliefthatismorerealistic.Eventhoughitcanbedifficultinthebeginning,bythetimeyouwillbeginunderstandingthatitisokaytonotbeperfect,andpeoplearestillgoingtoloveyouandfindyoulovable.Thisisdefinitelyacorebeliefthatismoreaccurateandoneyoushouldbe working on. There are several steps you should follow to successfullychallengeandovercomenegativebeliefsandthensubstitutethemwithpositiveideas.

• Identifycorebeliefs:It isn’t necessarily togo through theprocessbyattempting to fix every singlenegativecorebeliefyouhave.Beginwithsevereandconstantcorebeliefsfirst.Youwillfindoutthatthereisacorebeliefthatgreatlyimpactswhatyouthinkand how you behave. The smaller core beliefs, like the ones that affect yourmood,canbesolvedafteryouovercomesmallerones.

• Evaluatehowitaffectsyourlife:To be able to becomemotivated enough to change your negative belief, youneedtofirstunderstandwhateffectithasonyourdailylifeandonyourfuture.Meditateorlistdownanswerstothisquestion.Howdothesenegativebeliefsaffectmylife?Anexamplewouldbethatitstopsyoufromfeelingconfidentormaintainrelationshipswithotherpeople.Anotherexamplewouldbethat ismakesyoustressedinpublicorresults inyouhatingyourself.

• Assesshowmuchyouactuallybelieveit.Usually, your negative beliefs are completely ridiculous and not true but yousimplydon’trealizethatbecauseyoureallybelievethem.Onaconsciouslevel,itiseasytodismissthem.Ontheotherhand,theycanbeawreakinghavoconunconscious levels. Due to this reason, it is essential that you sit down andreflect on whether you really want to change your core belief or not. It isessential thatyouare true toyourselfandsay the truth,whichcanbedifficult.Fromascaleofone(don’tbelieveit)toten(reallybelieveit)assesshowmuchbeliefyouhavein it. Ifyouendupscoringmorethanfive,makesureyouaskyourself why you believe it is true. It is recommended to write down youranswersandreflectonpreviousexperiencesthatupholdtheseideasandbeliefs.Be100%honestinyouranswereventhoughyoufinditridiculous,itwillhelpyouseeyourimprovementslateron.

• Thinkaboutwhatisstoppingyoufrommakingachange:

Therearevariousreasonstowhywedon’tchangeournegativebeliefsoraren’table to afterwe identify them and understand howmuch they’re affecting us.Usually,thesereasonsincludebeingscaredtofail,change,oruncertainty.Whenyouthinkaboutit,wehavebeenhabituatedtoactandbehaveinaspecificwayallourlife,sowhatwillhappenwhenwedon’t?Also,whatisgoingtohappenwhen we change the way we behave or fail while trying to make a change?Beforeyouattempttochangeanycorebeliefs,youhavetobeabletocommittothewholejourney.Youalsoneedtobecomeconsciousofthefactorspreventingyoufromchangingnegativecorebeliefsandmakingapositiveimpact.

• Findmethodstodisprovenegativecorebeliefs:Nowthatyouhaveanunderstandingofhowyoubelieveinyourcorebelief,youshould try to see the ‘’bigger picture’’.When you find away to disprove thenegativecorebelief,youaregoingtoproveinyourunconsciousmindthatyouaren’tpositivelyservedbyaconvictionthatisdeeplyserved.Forexample,whenyour core belief is that you are unwanted, you should search for ways orsituationswhereyouwerewanted.

• Developanactionplan:When you identify and replace core beliefs you have, the next stepwould behaving an action place. Start by asking yourself about the actions you’replanningtotakeduringthisweektoconstantlyovercomeyourthinkingpatternsthatareassociatedwithnegativebeliefs.Forexample,youcanplantoconstantlyremindyourselfof thedifferentwaysorsituationsyouwere lovable in ifyournegativecorebeliefisthatyoudon’tdeservetobeloved.Youcanalsoplantowrite down in a journal where you record any changes or progress you havemade.Replacingnegativecorebeliefswithpositiveonesisoneofthemainthingsyoucan do to enhance your self-confidence. However, you should remember thatthisactuallytakestimeandalotofeffort,buttheresultsareendless.Notonlywill you be able to improve your confidence and love yourselfmore, you arealsogoingtohavebetterself-esteem,productivity,andself-fulfilment.

StayhealthyYou’veprobablyheardabouttherelationshipbetweenthebodyandmind.Youaren’t going to have a healthy body if yourmind isn’t healthy and vice versabecause the two are connected to each other in many ways. Improve yourphysicalbodybymaintainingahealthydietinsteadofspendingyourmoneyonjunkorwhatisknownas‘’comfort’’food.Stayinghealthyisalsogoingtoimproveyourmood.Asmentionedpreviously,whenyourbodyishealthy,yourmindisgoingtobehealthyaswell.Researchhas shown that exercising stimulates chemicals in the brain that leave youhappierandrelaxed.Whenyou’rehappier,youaregoingtoloveyourselfmoreandbeabletofocusonimprovingyourself.Eatinghealthilyandexercisingwillimproveyourwell-beingandhealthy.Thiswillgiveyouconfidenceaboutyourappearanceandboostyourself-esteem.Othersignificantshort-termadvantagesinclude low-stress levels and the ability to take better decisions. Based onresearch conducted by the American Journal of Health Behaviour, stayinghealthy gives people the confidence they need to develop healthy socialconnections. Whether it is volunteering or joining a fitness team, communalactivitiesassistinimprovingmoodsbyincreasingserotoninlevels.Takethetimetolearnaboutdifferenttypesoffoodthatmakeyoufeelgreatandare really healthy.Moreover, you should exercise as well butmake sure it issomethingyouenjoydoing.Take the time to findsomething thatyou likeanddon’t followwhatotherpeopledoorsay tostayhealthy if itdoesn’tworkforyou.Keepinmindthatwhatworksforyoudoesn’tnecessarilyworkforthemaswell.Gonearethedayswhereyouhavetospendmostofyourtimeinthegymtoworkonyourphysicalhealth.Ifthisiswhatyoulikedoing,thengoforit.If

not, there are other great options available such as yoga, paddle boarding, seakayaking,andothers.

ChoosetherightpeopleThe people you surround yourself with have a significant impact on yourconfidence and how you’re feeling. They can also play a big factor on yourhappinessandwhetheryouareabletoimproveyourselfornot.Thinkaboutit,ifyouareconstantlysurroundedbynegativeandjudgementalpeople,thisisgoingtomake you feelworse about yourself. On the other hand, if you are alwayssurroundedbypositivepeoplewhotrulycareaboutyou,youaregoingtobealothappierandwillbeabletoimproveyourself.Manypeoplewithlowconfidencechoosethewrongtypesoffriends.Ifyouarefriendswithpeoplebecauseyoucan’tfindanyoneelsetobefriendswith,thisistheworst thingyoucandoyourself.Findpositive and supportive friendswhowill make you feel happy, cared about, and most importantly, loved andappreciated. Eliminate people who constantly try to make you feel bad bytreatingyou inabadwayormanipulateyou.Somepeopleareusingothers toshineortoseembetterinfrontofothers.Eventhoughthisisn’taneasythingtodo,lettinggoofnegativepeoplecanhaveasignificanteffectonhowyoufeelonadailybasis.Whenyouthinkmoredeeplyabouttheindividualsyouinteractwithonadailybasis, it is going to be easier for you to work towards filling your life withpositive individuals who assist you in cultivating positive and stablerelationships.Obviously, this isn’t really easy inmany cases such as atwork.However,youcanhavecompletecontroloverwhoentersyourselfandwhoyousurroundyourselfwithinyourpersonallife.Allyouhavetodoisevaluatehowthese people reallymake you feel. Evaluating the individualswe spend timeswithenablesyoutoexamineiftheyreallyaddsomethingbeneficialtoyourlife

andhowitwouldmakeyoufeelifyoueliminatethemfromyourself.Youwillfind out at thismoment how you feel about them and how they contribute toyour life if you are honest with yourself and feelings. Even though this isprobablygoingtoinvolvedrasticchangestoyourlife,itwillresultinapersonaltransformation that is going to empower you, because the decision to live thetruthisgoingtofillyourlifewithmorehappiness.When you surround yourself with positive people, you will eliminate anynegativity that is around you and creates more space to welcome renewedenergy. Not only is this going to enrich your life, but it will place you in ahealingspace thatencouragesgreatgrowth,comprehension,andself-love.It isessential that you choose the people around youwith great care because theydirectlyimpacttheenvironmentwhereyouwilleitherthriveorperformpoorly.Thebestthingyoucandoisprovideeveryonewiththechancetobeyourfriend,butshareyoursecretsandgoalsonlywithpeoplewhovaluethemthewayyoudo.

“Peoplearelikedirt.Theycaneithernourishyouandhelpyougrowasaperson,ortheycanstuntyourgrowthandmakeyouwiltanddie.”~Plato

BecomeawareandfilterperceptionsOneoftheworstthingsyoucandoisneglectthewayyoufeeloryourthoughts,especially if these perceptions and ideas are taking over your life andsignificantly affecting your mood. Begin paying attention to where yourthoughts are coming from and how often do you think about yourself in anegativeway.This awareness alone is going to help you in eliminating these thoughts fromyourhead,evenifitonlyforacoupleofminutes.Thesimplefactthatyouknowthatyoushouldn’tbethinkingthiswayandshoulddosomethingaboutit isanexcellentstep.Reducethepowerofnegativeideasbyunderstandingwhattheyareandidentifyingthem.OneofthethingsIhighlyrecommendiswritingdownthese perceptions and feelings and thenwritingwhy you feel about them thisway.Forexample,someonemightconvincethemselvesthatacertaincolleaguedoesn’t like them. However, when theywrite this down and start looking forreasonstowhytheyfeelthisway,they’regoingtofindthattheycan’tcomeupwith one valid reason andwill come to realize that there should be no reasonwhytheyfeelthisway.When you become aware of these patterns, you should begin filtering thesethoughts by applying reality to them.Yes, this is definitely something that noone likesdoing,but it isgoing tobringyouonestepcloser to improvingyourconfidence.

ChangeandcelebratedifferencesWhenthereisachanceforpositivechange,thengoforitanddowhateveryoucantochangeyourbehavioursandideas tosupport thisaswell.Keepinmindthat just an outward change isn’t enough to make you feel lovable aboutyourself.Whenyouasksomeofthemostconfidentpeopleintheworldwhataresomeofthestepstheytooktoreachthisstage,manyofthemwilltellyouthattheyconstantlyworkedonimprovingthemselvesandmakingpositivechanges.Eventhoughit isagreat thingthatyouare takingactiontochangeyourself tothebetter, thisactionhas tobesupportedwith thewayyouare thinking.Afterall, what is the point of changing certain behaviour to the better if you don’treallybelieve it inyourhead?Therefore,youshouldbecompletelyconvincedabout thechange thatyou’regoing tomakeor itwillprobablybeashort-termchangeonly.Sometimes, thingswehateaboutourselvesareconsidered tobegreatqualitiesbyotherpeople.Forexample,yourfamilymightconsideryoutobeanoutcastforcertainbehaviourbutotherpeoplecanfindthisinteresting.Youcouldthinkthatyou’reboringbecauseyouaren’tfunnyordon’tspeakalotbutotherpeoplecouldadmireyourabilitytoonlyspeakwhenrequired.Thereisnoneedtotryfitin if you aren’t convinced or certain about a certain behaviour or action.Remembertoalwaysbehaveinawaythatonlyyoufindsuitable,aslongasyouarenothurtinganyone,andyoucangofromthere.

PracticegratitudeResearch has continuously proven that practicing gratitude helps in improvingyourperceptionandfeelingsofconfidenceandhappiness.Gratitudeisoneofthemost important things that lead to self-love and confidence. When you findyourself thinkingnegatively, focuson switchinggears and focusonpracticinggratitude.Manypeoplegetthispointconfusedandthinkitunderminesthewaytheyfeelandthatitisconsideredtobenotimportant.Thisisn’tthecaseatall.Whenyoucompareyourself tohowotherpeopleare feelingorgoing through,youaregoingtofindthattherearepeoplewhoaregoingthroughalotworseandyouareinabetterpositionthatmanyotherpeople.Startbymakingalistofthingsinyourlifeyouaregratefulfor,fromthemostimportant toones thatare less important toyou.Don’t just listdownanythingyou can think of, but focus on every item that youwrite down and how youwouldfeelifyouloseit.You should also be social when you practice gratitude. The relationships youhave with people are considered to be a great determinant of happiness.Therefore, it makes sense when you think about these people when you arepracticing gratitude. It is suggested to focus gratitude on individuals whomyou’re thankful for instead of materialistic items or situations. You can stillfocus and be thankful on the latter, but focusing on relationships is going toprovideyouwithmorebenefits.Whileyou’redoingthis,whynotinvolveotherpeopledirectlyintoyourexpressiongratitude.Itdoesn’tnecessarilyhavetobesomethingmajor,asimple thankyou letter tosomeoneyoucareaboutorwhohaddonesomuchforyouismorethanenough.

BekindtoothersUnlike what many people think, kindness doesn’t necessarily have to besomething major or huge. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger,encouragingsomeone,orsimplysayingthankyou.Itisanessentialconnectingtechnique,evenifit’sonlyforafewseconds,withthosewhopassinourlives.Yes,itcanbefreeandnottakeanytime.However,itisessentialthatyoudoitgenuinelyotherwiseitwon’treallymatter.Kindnesscanalsohappennaturally,suchaswhenyouseesomeonewhoneedsyourhelp.Anexampleofthiswouldbehelpinganoldladycarryherbagsacrossthestreetorgettingupinthetrainforapregnantwomansoshecansitifthereisnospace.Theycanalsobethoughtinadvance,suchasplanningtodosomethingspecial for someone you really love because you know it would make themhappy.Tobe kind, it is essential for us to understand those aroundus andbeawareofthem,andtonoticehowtheyfeelandwhattheyneed.Researchhasshownthatindividualswhopracticedkindactivitieshadahighergratification sense. They also had more patience when they went throughissues and difficult times in life. It doesn’t necessarily have to only bevolunteerwork.Ifyouonlyexertanefforttobealotkinderandhelpfulonadaily basis, you are going to benefit a lot. You don’t necessarily have tochangetheroutineyoucurrentlyhaveoranyotheractivitiesyouhaveinyourlife.Youonlyneedtolookoutforopportunitiesinyourlifewherekindnesscan happen. Has anyone previously done something for you that instantlymadeyoufeelbetter?Kindnesshereandtheregoesaverylongwayanditisbeneficialforeveryoneinvolved.

"Bekindwheneverpossible.Itisalwayspossible."~DalaiLama

ForgiveanddealwithwoundsTolovewhoyouare,youneedtofirstforgiveyourselfandotherswhohurtyouin the past. You will never be able to live comfortably if you feel a grudgeagainstsomeoneorifyouhavedonesomethingbadtosomeone.Feelbadisn’tgoing to solve anything. The right thingwould be to correct anywrongs youhave done. It’s okay to do mistakes, you might have hurt someoneunintentionally, but the key here is to fixwhat you have done. The ability toforgive others and yourself is a significant step towards self-love. If there isanything from your childhood that is hurting you or has affected your self-confidence,thenyoushouldtakethenecessaryactionstoovercomeitandhealyourwounds.Ifyoufindthat thisis toomuchforyou,thenyoucanseekhelpfromaprofessionalcounsellor.Thereisabsolutelynothingwrongwiththatandyouwillbeabletolearnalotofwaystoovercomethisyourself.Also, theworst thing you can do is hold a grudge.Letting go of grudges andforgiving someone is going to lead to you being happier and having peace ofmind. Forgiveness can result in healthier relationships, greater psychologicalwell-being, less anxiety, fewer depression symptoms; improve cardiovascularhealth,strongimmunitysystem,andbetterself-esteem.There aremany reasonswhy it’s easy tokeepagrudge.Whenyouhavebeenhurtbysomeonewhoyoureallyloveandtrust,youaregoingtobecomeangryorconfusedaboutwhat justhappened.Whenyoudwellon theseevents, thesegrudges are going to be filled with resentment, a feeling of revenge, andhostility.Whenyouallowthesefeelingtotakeoveryourpositivefeelings,youaregoingtofindyourselfconsumedwithinjusticefeelingsandbitterness.Therearealsomanyimpactsofholdinggrudgesbothmentallyandphysically.When

you’reunabletoforgiveandkeeponholdinggrudges:Youwill:

Bringangerandresentmentintonewrelationshipsandexperiences.

Becomewrappedupintheeventwhereyoucan’tenjoyyourlife.Thiscanevenleadtofeelingthatyourlifedoesn’thavemeaningorthatyoucan’tfollowspiritualbeliefsanymore.

Becomedepressedorstressedoutallthetime.

Losevaluableconnectednesswithotherpeople.So,howexactlyareyougoingtoreceivethisforgivenessstate:-When you decided to forgive, you aremaking a commitment to a journey ofchange. First, you need to consider the importance and value of letting go ofgrudgesanditssignificanceinyourlifeatacertaintime.Youshouldthenassesswhyyou shouldn’t beupset that thispersondid thishorrible thing toyouandhowtherearemanyexcellentthingsoutthere.Whenyouforgivepeopleandletgoofthegrudgesyouhave,youwon’thavetodefineyourlifebythewayyouhavebeenhurt.Youneverknow,youcouldpossiblyfindcompassionaswell.

SetboundariesandspeakupWhenyoudon’t loveyourself,youstart lettingotherpeople takeadvantageofyou. Something, you don’t even know if this really happening or not becauseyouhaveneverlearnttocreateboundaries.Thinkabouthowyouwouldliketobe treated and what you are willing to tolerate. Begin by communicating aboundaryeachtimeandthenmakesureyouarefirmwithimplementingit.Partoffollowingyourboundaries isbyspeakingupanddefendingyourself. Ifothersdothingsthatyoudon’tnecessarilylike,orifyoudon’tlikesharingyouropinion because you’re scared of that, try stepping out from the comfort zoneyou’vesetforyourselfandyouwillseebytimehowgoodthismakesyoufeel.Whenyousetboundaries,thereisahighpossibilitythatmanypeoplearegoingtoobject to theseboundaries.Here are some strategiesyoucan follow todealwiththeseobjections:

Beconsistentandfirmwiththeseboundaries.Makethemsimple.Staycalm.Be responsible when it comes to your emotional reactions instead ofblamingthemotherpeople.Ifyoufindout thatcompromisescanbemade, try tobeas flexibleaspossible.However,makesure thatyoudo this slowlyandnotagree towhatdoesn’tfeelsuitableorrightforyou.

When you have implemented strong and clear boundaries, you will begin

noticingbythetimethatthesepeopleareslowlygivingyoumorerespectandtheboundariesyouwant.Thiswillmakeyoumoreconfidentandnotworryaboutbeing judged. Most importantly, you are going to be doing what makes youhappy. Emotional manipulators are going to back off and instead of them,sustainableandhealthyrelationshipsaregoingtothrive.

Showlove

Showinglovetoyourselfandothersisoneofthemostimportantcomponentsofself-confidenceandlove.Whenyoushowlovetootherpeople,thisisgoingtoenhanceyourself-lovebecauseyouaregoingtoautomaticallyfeelgoodaboutyourself. If youwant to receive love and compassion, it is important that youtreatotherpeople thewayyouwant tobe treated. Inotherwords,become thetypeofpersonyouwouldliketobearound.Forexample,ifyoudon’tlikebeingliedto,thenthereisnoreasonwhyyoushouldbelyingtootherpeopleandnotbehonestwiththem.Don’tshowlovetobevalidatedorreceiveitinreturnbutoffer it unconditionally without any expectations. You are showing love andkindness because you are a good person, not because you are expectingsomethinginreturn.

DowhatyouloveYou’veprobablynoticedthatthemostsuccessfulpeopleintheworldarethosewholovewhattheydoandarepassionateabout.Apassionprovidesyouwithareasontowakeupinthemorningandpursueit.Youwillfindthatyou’reusingyourskillsinanaturalwayandthisisgoingtoimproveyourconfidenceandtheway you perceive yourself. Understanding your passion enables you to beoriginal and express yourself.Youdon’t need to pretend to be something thatyouaren’t.Oneofthemainthingsyoucandoistreatgoalsliketheyarerecipes.Youneedtotakeitonestep.Itcanbeeasytobecomemiredinyourdailyactivities,andeventhoughyoucouldbesomethingthatyoureallylike,thisdoesn’tnecessarilymeanthatyouwillloveiteverysingletime.Segmentingyourgoalsandhavingaclearvision isgoing toallowyoustaycalmandcompletelyfocused.Keep thedesired objectives inmind, but please try to be grateful and not look past theplace you’re in now. Throughout the process, you are always going to belearningandbecomingclosertowhatyouwanttodoinlife.Whileyouarelearningandbecomingastepclosertodoingwhatyoulove,trytoseekhelpandgainmotivationfromindividualswhoaredoingitinabetterwaythatyoucan.Trytousenetworks,lessons,andresourcesinathoughtfulmanner.Overall, theprocessofdoingwhatyou lovemight take time in thebeginning,butyouaregoingtobehappier,moreconfident,andproudofyourselfwhenyouachieveyourgoalintheend.

CreateabalanceAcomplicatedlifethatisoverlyscheduledisgoingtoleaveyoufeelingdrainedand create stress and anxiety. There are thousands of people working endlesshoursandonlycaringaboutmoney.Theywastetheirtimerunningaftermoneytowakeupyearslatertofindoutthattheyhaven’tdoneanythingforthemselvesandhaven’treallyexperiencedtheworldatall.It is important thatyoubalanceyourdayproperlyandalwaysputyourmentalandphysicalhealthintoconsideration.Thisisgoingtogiveyouroomtofollowyourpassion,workonwhoyouare,andredefinehowyou’regoingtoorganizeyourscheduleandspendyourenergydoingwhatyoulove.

LearneffectivecommunicationskillsBeingabletounderstandhowyoufeelandcommunicateyourfeelingsandwhatyou don’t like or dislike, in a non-confrontational and healthy manner isimportant for self-confidence. Everyone has their insecurities, but instead ofhiding them, work on enhancing your emotional intelligence. When youcommunicateeffectivelyandinahealthywaywithpeople,thisisgoingtoleadtoyoubecominghappieraswell.

PracticeoptimismWheneveryougothroughnegativefeelingsorsituations,suchasbelievingthatyou aren’t good enough, affirm to yourself that these feelings are completelyfalse.Insteadofmakingunnecessarystatementsaboutyourvalueandworth,tryto identifymore realisticandoptimisticaffirmations thatyoucancontinuouslyremind yourself with. For example, you can say, ‘’I haven’t accomplishedeverythingIwantedtothismonth,butIwilldomybest tofinishandimprovemyself when it comes to time management’’. Improvement is possible andworking on these improvements are going to make you feel confident aboutyourself.

LearnacceptanceThereisapossibilitythatyoudon’tlikesomethingaboutwhoyouare,whetheritisyourfaceorbody.Thereisapossibilitythatyouaren’tfunnyorengaginglikeotherpeople and this couldbebringingyoudown.The fact is that this iswhoyouare,andbelieveitornot,therearepeoplewhocouldactuallylikethesequalitiesandwanttobelikeyou.Itisessentialthatyouacceptwhoyouaresoyou can learn to be confident and love yourself. It is also never too late tochangecertainthingsorbehaviouralpatternsthatyoudon’tlike.Forexample,ifyou think that you get upset too quickly there is always a chance for you tochangethisandyoucanworkonbeingmorepatientforexample.

Ch.6:IntroducingHabitsinyourlife

ThepowerofhabitsHabitsarereallyimportantandthereisnowaytogothroughlifewithoutthem.They regulate many regular activities in our life and assist us in freeing ourmindssothatwecanconcentrateonotheractivities.For example, if youhad to continuously think about regular functions such aswalkingorspeaking,youwouldn’thaveanymentalabilitylefttoperformotheractionsand functions.Theability to eat enablesus to focusonconsuming thefoodrequiredforustostayaliveandchoosingmealsthatwelikeandaregoodforus.Similarly,walkingusingautomaticwaysenablesus tobeable to thinkabout where we’re headed. You have thousands of good ‘’habits’’ that yourmuscle memory developed over time. Even the process of breathing isconsideredtobeadeeplyingrainedhabit.Therefore, habits have a significant role in making our lives simpler anddecreasing theamountof stimuliwehave toprocess. It is estimated that from11,000signals,thebrainisonlygoingtoprocessabout40.Habitsalsosaveustimeandnaturebecausethey’reautomaticandneedlittlephysicalstrength.Forexample,brushingteethneedssmallamountsofmentalenergy.Goodhabitscreateroutineandefficiency.Ontheotherhand,badhabitshavetheopposite impact and lock people into negative behaviour patterns. Bad habitslikeovereatingorsmokingcandamageourhealthandoverallwellbeing.

Ourbrainsare really strongandarecontinuously scanning fornewpatterns inourlivesoractionsitcantransformintohabits.Thedrawbacktothisisthatourmind doesn’t discriminate between positive and negative habits and anythingthat is continuously repeated by time ismost likely going to become a habit.Fortunately, youhave the choice to have complete control of thismethod andconsciously select which actions, ideas, and behaviours are going to becomehabits.WhatshouldanyoneneedhabitstolivehappierandbemoreconfidentMillions of people were able to change their lives completely and lovethemselves by simply doing one thing: working on improving their self-confidence.On theotherhand,manypeoplehavebeen suffering in their livesandrelationshipbecausetheyhavelowconfidencelevels.Onethingyouneedtounderstand is that confidence doesn’t necessarily come overnight. You mightlookat people andbe impressed abouthowconfident they arebut the truth isthattheyhaveworkedhardonthemselvesuntiltheyreachedthisstage.Confidenceisusuallythrownaroundasifitsomethingthatpeopleshouldhaveor can develop easily without any difficulties. You have probably heard thewords ‘’be confident’’ if you are someone who is nervous or has problemsapproaching people or difficult situation. However, confident is an intangiblethingthatissodiversethatitissomewhatimpossibletosimply‘’beconfident’’.

Self-loveandpositivehabitsaresimultaneousanditdifficulttohaveoneandnotthe other.When you love yourself, you havemore self-confidence, feel a lothappier,andappreciate thepersonyouare.Youhavealtomore toofferothersandmostimportantly,yourself.

Ch.7:The5HabitssystemTherearefivemainstepsyoucanfollowtocreategoodhabits:

1. IdentifywhatyouwouldreallyliketoachieveThefirstthingyoushoulddoiswritedownbothyourpersonalandprofessionalgoals.Youaregoingtohavetobuildupnewhabitssoyoucanabletoachievethemsuccessfully,so it isessential thatyouareclearaboutwhatexactly thesegoalsareandwhyyouhaven’tachievedthemsomore.Chancesarethatoneofthe main reasons is that you have been procrastinating and postponingaccomplishing them.Nowselect onegoal, and think about thehabits that youwillrequiretoincludeinyourschedulesoyoucanreachit.Whatdoyouhavetobegindoingonadailybasistoturnthisvisionintoanactualreality?Example:Nadine always wanted to live in Spain. Her goal is to learn how to speakSpanish, so she can apply in her organization’s Spain office. She takes thedecisiontospendanhoureverydaylearninghowtospeakSpanish.

2. AddgoodhabitsintoyourdailyroutineFind away to add this new habit into your daily routine. Sure, you could bereally busy and all, but we both know that if you want to make time forsomethingyouwill.Blockoutacertaintimeforitinyourdailyschedule.Thisisgoing toenableyou togiveyourattention to thepositivehabitswithoutbeingdistractedbyanythingelse.Tip:Itisaloteasiertobuildgoodhabitsiftheytakeplaceduringaproductivetimeofyourday.Iftheytakeplacereallyatnight,forexample,youareprobablygoingtobetootiredtogetanythingdone.Example:Nadine knows that she perform the best during the day. She is alsoawarethatsheisusuallyexhaustedonlearninganythingaftersheisdonewithwork.This iswhyshedecides thatmorningsare thebest time to learnhow tospeakSpanish.Shedecidestogotobedtwohoursearly,soshecanwakeupat6aminthemorning,twohoursearlierfromthetimesheusuallywakesup.Intheevening,shealsopreparesherclothesforworkthenextdayandherlunch.ShealsodownloadssomeSpanishlearningpodcastssoshecanavoidwastingtimeinthemorning.

3. ReflectonhabitsYouwillnoticebytimethatyouarestartingtoprogresswiththenewhabitandthisiswhenyouneedtoreflectonhowwellitisworkingandgoingforyou.Ifyouarestrugglingtomaintainthehabit,trytothinkaboutwhythisishappeningtoyouandwhetheryouaredoinganythingforthistotakeplace.Wereyouoverambitious for example? If this is the case, then you should consider setting ashorttermgoalthatismoremanageablesoyoucanre-motivateyourself.Ifyournewhabitisn’texactlydeliveringthetypesofchangesthatyouexpectedinthefirstplace,youhavetoreflectonwhathashappenedandgonewrong.Youwillprobably have to slightly tweak your new habit to ensure that new change istakingplace.Example:AfterlisteningtotheSpanishpodcastsforfourweeks,Nadinerealizesthatsheisbeginning to forget somewords that she learnt the week or days before. Sherealized thatsheremembersa lotmorewhenshewritesdownwhatshe listensto, so she begins writing the newwords she learns and what theymean in anotebook.

4. Self-disciplineiskeyAstudythattookplaceduring2012demonstratedthatitcantakeabout55daystoestablishanewhabitsandthisiswhyself-disciplineisveryimportant.Onewaytoenhanceyourself-disciplineisbycreatingwhatiscalleda‘treasuremap’’.Themapisavisualrepresentationofwhatyouactuallywanttoachieve.(Remember,wediscussedhowessentialvisualization is).This isalsogoing toremindyouwhythenewhabitisessentialtoyou.Thiscanbeexactlywhatyouneedtobemotivatedwhenyourmotivationisdecreasing.Example:Nadinemakes a treasuremap the day before she starts to learn Spanish. Shemakes a collage filled with pictures of Spain, including pictures of herorganization’s Spanish office. She gets excited about all the differentopportunitiesinthefuture.After threeweeksofwakingupearly,shebegins thinkingaboutwakingupanhourearlyonlyinsteadoftwo.However,whenshetakesalookatthetreasuremap,sheisimmediatelyremindedofherambitionsandshegetsexcitedagain.Sheacknowledgesthatherdreamistoosignificanttogiveupandthenshecouldalways sleep during the weekend. She then recommits and begins waking upearlytwohoursagain.

5. AskforsupportItcouldbedifficulttosticktoacompletelynewhabitwhenyouarealone.Thisiswhy it is a good idea to share these goalswith colleagues, family, or closefriends, and ask them for their support.You don’t necessarily have to ask thewholeworld.Oneortwopeopleyoucandependonaremorethanenough.Forexample, you can ask them to contact you and check on how you areprogressing.Iftheyhavethesamegoalasyou,youcouldmeetwiththemeverycoupleofdaystosupporteachother.There are many applications that were designed to help people attempting todevelop positive new habits. Stickk is an excellent app that I personallyrecommendandwascreatedbyYaleeconomists.Itenablesyoutosaveagoaland to findamonitor to supportyouandmonitorhowyouareprogressing. Ifyouquicklysearchontheinternet,youaregoingtofindmanysimilartools.Example:AfterNadinediscusseshergoalwithherfriend,sheagreedtoSpeakFrenchwithNadine over lunch two days per week. Nadine feels more motivated aboutaccomplishinghergoalbecauseher friend issupportingherand thatshehasanew chance to practice. In return, Nadine is going to assist her friend inimprovingherEnglish.Whenyoutakethedecisiontoestablishpositivenewhabits,youhavetofocuson accomplishing one per time. If you attempt to completely overhaul yourschedulewithmanyhabits,youaremostlikelygoingtogetreallyoverwhelmedandgobacktooldnegativehabits.

Ch.8:Nextstepstokeepingyourhabitsforlife

ConsistencyisthekeyConsistency is essential to continuously achieve goals and make sure youmaintain good habits. One of themainmistakes that many people do is startslacking once they begin seeing results and experience positive results.However, it is essential to be consistent to prevent any negative results andreversingallthehardworkyouhavebeendoing.

TipstoavoidfallingagainPositivehabitsaredifficulttoform,buttheyaredefinitelyworthwhile.Whetherit is exercising, eating healthy, or finishing a task of time, positive habits canresultinahealthierandhappierlife.Unfortunately,creatingthesehabitscanbedifficult ifyouaren’tmotivatedenoughbecausethereisalwaysariskthatyouaregoingtofallagain.One method is to begin small. Rather than attempting to eat healthy food ineverysinglemeal,beginwithfocusingonjustonemealperday-likeasaladfordinner every day. Instead of implementing a new time management strategyeverysingledayatwork,beginwithonlytwodaysperweek.Whenyoufeellikeyouhavestartedtogetusedtothatnewelementinyourroutine,thiswillbethetimetobeginintroducingittootherareasinyourlife.Itisessentialthatyou‘’breakthechain’’ofyourfirsthabit-formingprocedure.Ifyouarebeginningtoimplementnewhabitsinyourdailylife,makesureyoudon’t miss a day. This can also serve as a route to escape if you beginconvincingyourselfthatitisworthdoinganything.Whenyouhabitbecomesanimportantpartofyourdailyschedule,trustmeyouwillknow.Youaregoingtobegindoingitautomaticallyratherthanmakinganefforttodoso.Creating and breaking habits can be difficult, but when you comprehend thatconsistencycan,infact,makeanythingpossible,youaregoingtohaveaneasier

timeexecutingandimplementingplansandnewhabits.

Ch.9:Takealookback“Ihavenoregrets.Idon'tbelieveinlookingback.WhatIamproudestof?Workingreallyhard...andachievingasmuchasIcould.”~ElenaKagan

The reasonwhyyoushould lookback isn’t to remember themistakesyoudidpreviously, but to see how far you have come and improved your life. Forexample, ifyouused to spendsomuchprocrastinatingandwastingyour time,you can look back to this and compare it to how far you have become andimprovedyourtimemanagementskills.Whenyouhavesuccessfullyaccomplishedoneofyourgoals,thisistimeforyoutomove to the next goal. Remember, the key here is to take things slow andaccomplishonegoalata time.The last thingyouwant is tocrowdyourmindwith severalgoals, gettingde-motivated, andnot finishinganyof them.Whenyouhavesuccessfullyfinishedthatgoal,itistimeforyoutomovetoanewone.

ConclusionLearningtobeconfidentandlovewhoyouaredon’thappenovernightandisaprocess.Onceyoustarttrustingyourselfandunderstandingyourneeds,youwillfindthatyouneedlessvalidationfromotherpeople.Youaregoingtocreatenewexperiences and establish relationships that are suitable with your values,reinforcingyourself-worth.Witheveryeffortyouexertandchangeinthinking,youaregoingtofindthatyourespectyourselfmoreeverydayandseeyourselfasapersonwhodeservestobeloved.Byfollowingthetipsinthisbook,youarealsogoingtofindthatyouareabletoovercomenegativehabits thathavebeenholdingyoubackinlifeanddelayingyoursuccess.Howmanytimeswereyouablenottoproveyourselfbecauseyoudidn’t have enough confidence? How many times were you not able toeffectively finisha taskbecauseyouwastedyour timeprocrastinating?This iswhereitallendsanditistimeforyoutotakecontrolofyournewlife.Don’texpectthechangestohappenovernight.Afterall,everythinginlifetakestime,especiallyifyou’remakingsuchasignificantimprovementinyourlifeandlookingtochangemanyaspectsinyourlife.Thekeyhereistobeconsistentandtoconstantlyimplementthetipsinthebookuntilyouhaveperfectedthemandstarted seeing changes in your life. You should never give up, even ifaccomplishing your goals tookmore time than it was expected. By time, youwillfindthatyouaredoingthingsautomaticallyandwithouteventhinkingaboutit.

Iwishyouallthebestandknowforafactthatyouareabletodothis.Nowisthetimeforyoutotakecontrolofyourlifeandliveittherightway.