Star Trek Enterprise: Filling in the Blanks
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Transcript of Star Trek Enterprise: Filling in the Blanks
Star Trek ENTERPRISE
___
FILLING IN
THE BLANKS A Short Story in Two Acts and Perspectives
By T.L. Shull
1
This short story is a fan written work and is not intended to infringe upon the
copyrights of Paramount Pictures, CBS Corporation, or Pocket Books. It is provided
free of charge to all fans for your enjoyment. Unauthorized copying or reproduction is prohibited. “Star Trek” is a registered trademark of Paramount Pictures and CBS
Corporation.
COVER ART by Alan Anderton (Kirok of L’Stok)
2
FILLING IN THE BLANKS
A Star Trek: Enterprise Short Story
in Two Acts and Perspectives By T.L. Shull
ACT ONE
Earth
North America
Colorado
Pike National Forest
Cheesman Lake
Private Residence of Major M. Hayes, MACO
He stood in front of the small cabin in the middle of
the large, forested and snow-covered hillside on the edge
of a serene mountain lake.
He was freezing his ass off.
He breathed in the crisp air and the comforting scents
of pine and aspen and stared at the plain wooden door,
trying to build the courage to knock upon it.
His stomach was tied in knots and it frustrated him.
He had been through battles, faced the enemy head-
on and killed others to protect his captain and his ship,
but this particular mission was proving to be more than
just difficult.
He stared at the door…breathing…trying to force his
hand to rap on the golden-grained surface. His heart
began to pound heavily in his chest…
3
Come on Malcolm…you can do this! You have to do
this! It’s only right!
His mind traveled back…
Delphic Expanse
U.S.S. Enterprise
NX-01
Sickbay
“What? What do you mean he was married?” Reed
asked incredulously.
Phlox huffed with frustration. It was no secret that
Reed and Hayes didn’t get along but it had become
increasingly obvious that they had begun to make
amends before Hayes died.
Phlox was surprised Reed didn’t already know;
especially since Reed seemed to take the take the
Major’s death so hard. He had assumed they had made
certain strides in their friendship. Obviously, he was
wrong in that regard.
Phlox had approached Reed to help with the letter to
his wife, knowing that the captain’s letter would be
formal and respectful, but Reed was the head of security
on the ship and was technically Hayes’ CO. “I meant
what I said Lieutenant, Major Hayes was married. His
wife resides in their home in Colorado and it would be
appropriate, I think, for you to send a letter too. His
team-members have already begun to record their own
4
messages, but since Major Hayes was technically under
your command…”
Reed was flattened. “Married?” he whispered, “He
never told me he was married!”
Phlox attempted to smile but it was useless, “I’m not
sure why you didn’t know, but in any case, he was. I
have made her contact information available so you can
forward your correspondence directly to her.”
Reed grimaced. “Who notified her?”
“The captain.”
Reed swallowed hard. “Doctor…”
“Yes Lieutenant?”
He was almost afraid to ask the question. “Are
there…any…”
“Are there any what Lieutenant?”
“Children?”
Phlox broke eye contact. “I’m sad to say that no,
Major Hayes had no children.”
Reed was confused by Phlox’s answer. Surely not
having children lose a father was a positive, not a
negative. Then Reed let the tenor of the answer roll over
him and he saddened even more. “Thank you Doctor.”
He turned and walked out of sickbay.
It took him the rest of the evening to build up enough
courage to sit at his desk to begin the recording.
How did I not know this about him?
“Dear Mrs. Hay… computer, end recording. What if
she didn’t take his name?” He buried his face in his
hands. “I don’t even know her name!” he blurted out.
“How the hell do I not even know her name?!”
5
He stood from his desk and walked around his room
blindly then shot back over to the comm station on his
desk. He pulled up Hayes’ personnel file and was about
to begin reading when his doorbell rang. He stood to
answer it and Commander Trip Tucker, smiling, walked
in.
“Ready for dinner?” Tucker asked brightly.
Reed shook his head. “I’m not sure I’m up for
eating.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“Commander, did you know that Major Hayes was
married?”
“Yeah why? Didn’t you?”
Reed growled in anger. “Apparently not.”
Trip seemed to comprehend Reed’s predicament.
“Ah, maybe I should tell the Cap’n that you won’t be
joining us?”
“No. I really must complete this letter to her.”
“That would be best I think.” Trip concurred and
turned back for the door, then stalled. “Malcolm…her
name is Michelle….Major Michelle Hayes.”
Reed sucked in a shocked breath. “She’s MACO?”
Trip nodded. “She serves at NORCOM.”
“Commander…how did you know?”
Trip set his eyes down in an almost guilt-ridden stare
at the floor. “Look, I know the two of you weren’t the
best of friends, but Hayes and I talked every-so-often.”
Reed felt stung but not with Trip; he was beginning
to get angrier with himself. “It’s okay Commander, I’m
beginning to realize how resentful I was of him. No
wonder we didn’t talk.”
6
Trip pressed his lips together, trying to find some
way to console Reed, but the statement was built entirely
of the truth as he saw it as well. “I’d be happy to tell you
more about her if you’d like Malcolm.”
“No. It isn’t necessary…nor would it be right. I’ll see
you tomorrow Commander.”
Trip nodded and quietly left the room.
Reed’s nostrils flared with a new heartache.
“Computer, resume recording. Dear Major Hayes, my
name is Lieutenant Malcolm Reed and I’m sending you
this message not only out of duty but out of necessity.”
He swallowed hard. “You see, I need to tell you some
things about your late husband … no really, about me so
you can understand how deeply Major Hayes’ presence
aboard the Enterprise will be missed…”
He recorded the thing twelve times before sending it.
Each time the letter got shorter and shorter. By the
time he sent it, it was the shortest letter of condolence he
had ever done.
He was ashamed of it.
He was ashamed of himself.
The Xindi crisis had come to an end and weeks later
the Enterprise crew were welcomed home as heroes.
Archer speechified then went hiking. Trip went to
Vulcan with T’Pol. He and Mayweather went to a bar in
San Francisco with Doctor Phlox and while they were
there, Phlox politely informed him that Major Hayes’
remains had been cremated and were returned to his wife
where a memorial was to be held the following day.
Every time Hayes’ name was mentioned, Reed felt a
stone sitting in his gut. His anger had been boiling since
7
Hayes was killed, so when some jack-ass at the bar
decided to verbally attack the good doctor he was more
than ready for a fight. He couldn’t wait to take his rage
at himself out on some poor fool…but the doctor
revealed a certain Denobulan trait that had shocked them
all and it deflated the fight before it even really began.
Malcolm stewed on the ship; he was grouchy and
bitter and hostile.
The following day he sat in his room, letting his
underlying fury eat at himself when the doorbell rang.
He stood to answer his door and to his utter surprise it
was Corporal Chang, one of the MACO, returning to the
ship from his short leave. “Corporal, what can I do for
you?”
Chang’s face was serious and stone-cold.
“Lieutenant,” he stepped in and the door closed behind
him. He shot to attention. “Permission to speak freely
sir.”
Reed was instantly put on guard. “Granted.”
“Why weren’t you at the service sir?”
Reed sat in his chair with a defeated thump. “I’m
senior officer on board, I’m on duty...”
“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Chang bellowed
back, still standing at attention, refusing to look Reed in
the eye. “You should have been there sir! You were his
CO!”
Reed was hollowed-out, empty … tired. “You’re
right Corporal,” he said softly, “I should have been
there.”
Chang snarled, “I’ve said my peace. I’m going to
leave before I say something I might regret. I wouldn’t
want to endanger my career over this. Hayes wouldn’t
8
have approved.” He turned and left Reed’s quarters in
blinding speed.
Reed closed his eyes and set his head in his hands.
That’s when he decided to see if there was any way
forgiveness was obtainable…
Earth
North America
Colorado
Pike National Forest
Cheesman Lake
Private Residence of Major M. Hayes, MACO
And that’s how he found himself there…at the small
cabin in the mountains of Colorado, trying to find the
courage to knock on the damned door.
He blindly lifted his hand and rapped on it.
It was only a few moments before the door swung
open and a wave of heated air washed over him.
She was beautiful.
Tall, statuesque with copper-tinted hair and dusky-
green eyes she stood at the door and perused over him in
his Starfleet uniform. She was dressed in a moss-green
lounge suit which outlined her athletic figure. He could
tell that she had been crying. Her eyes contained the tell-
tale puffiness of sorrow.
Malcolm was torn. Maybe this wasn’t such a good
idea after all. He shook his head in regret and actually
began to turn away, “I’m sorry, I’ve come at a bad time.
I’ll come back…”
Her soft, mellow voice sliced through him,
“Lieutenant Reed?”
9
“I am,” he said, more as an admission of guilt than
anything and he stood there, awaiting sentencing.
To his surprise she laughed slightly. “Well, I’ll be
damned,” she whispered.
“I’m surprised you’re home,” he answered, “I wasn’t
sure if you’d actually be back on duty.”
She sighed with audible frustration. “MACO forces a
month leave on spouses in the system. Supposedly it
keeps the remaining spouse from killing people out of
anger,” she said acridly. “Please, come in out of the
cold.”
“Thank you,” he said politely as she stepped back to
allow his entrance into the cozy home.
She shut the door behind him then moved into the
living area of the house. There was one main room filled
with overstuffed, wood-trimmed furniture laden with
wool blankets. A wood-fire burned in the room’s stone-
lined fireplace. Malcolm watched her as she made her
way towards a small kitchen. “Would you care for a cup
of tea? I was just making some for myself.”
Reed was a little confused. “Major…I’m afraid I
don’t deserve…”
“Shut up,” she said brusquely. “My name is
Michelle, Lieutenant. Now, tea or not?”
Reed felt like a deer caught in a hunter’s light. He
didn’t know which way to turn. “Yes … please,” he
replied, “Michelle.”
“Good,” she retorted.
He watched her as she prepared two cups of strong
tea. He kept his mouth shut and glanced around the room
again trying desperately to keep from running out the
door.
10
The wood-paneled walls were barren except for a
singular photo near the far end of the room. Reed was
immediately drawn towards it. The picture was of Hayes
and Michelle dressed in obvious vacation wear, standing
on a remote beach, silhouetted by a spectacular sunset of
orange and yellow. Hayes’ hands were holding her face
gently and she was embracing him – their love for each
other was obvious to anyone who would have seen the
photo.
“That was taken on our tenth anniversary,” she said
matter-of-factly as she approached Malcolm from
behind. “We went to Tahiti for an entire month.”
She handed Reed a cup of tea and he took it from her
and somehow, found the courage to look her in the eye.
“I’m surprised you let me in the house.”
She took a deep breath in, turned and sat in a large
chair near the fireplace. “Please sit.” Malcolm did as he
was asked and took a seat in a large comfortable sofa. “I
won’t lie. I thought about telling you off …”
“You’d have every right…”
“But something Jer once told me about you stopped
me from doing it.”
“He spoke to you about me?”
She laughed brightly. “I’m his wife. He recorded a
message to me every day, even when you were in the
Expanse. After he died, Ensign Hoshi had them sent to
me. I’ve listened to them all. As long as it didn’t break
the confidence of a mission, I know everything that
happened on that ship,” she said, “…everything.”
Reed scowled. “Major…” he led.
“Michelle,” she corrected him again and Reed shifted
hard and he took a sip of tea, appreciating it warmth.
11
“I’m here to apologize for my deplorable behavior.”
“I know.”
“Why are you being so kind to me?”
She laughed again. “Because believe it or not,
Jeremiah told me he liked you.”
“I don’t understand,” Reed said.
“Malcolm? May I call you Malcolm?”
He dipped his head. “Of course.”
“Malcolm…Jer told me that you and he butted heads
all the time. You frustrated him. You ticked him off like
very few others had before.” Her smile was honest and
almost mischievous. “…but he respected you…”
“I’m sorry?”
“You may not have been the best of friends
Malcolm. It sounded like you were anything but. Yet Jer
still talked about you with respect. He told me that at
first he thought Starfleet personnel were too naïve and
too soft…that they played loosely and didn’t follow the
known rules of combat.” Reed grimaced and she smiled.
“But he also changed his mind about that. He said that he
was beginning to understand that our rules didn’t apply
out there; that there was a bigger picture and that you
and the captain understood that. He liked you and he
admitted that the only reason you pissed him off so much
was because you and he were too much alike…neither
one of you liked giving up the reins.”
“I don’t understand,” Reed stated. “I didn’t show to
his memorial service. I could have…God knows I should
have…but I didn’t. I still don’t really know why.”
A short time passed with silence between them but
she lifted her head and spoke softly, “You’re here now,
and to tell you the truth, somehow this means more to
12
me. I knew that your letter was hard. I could hear it in
your voice. Honestly? I wasn’t really surprised not to see
you at the memorial.”
Malcolm let her words sink in and he fought hard
against his rising emotion. “He was a fine officer
Michelle,” he whispered knowing it was such a trite
statement, but he meant it with every fiber in his being.
“Hell, he was a god-damned hero.”
She lowered her head and sipped her tea.
She remained quiet for a long time and Malcolm
found himself wanting to fill the space with conversation
but didn’t, knowing it would all be superfluous fluff.
He sipped his own tea.
And sipped once more.
Then sipped again.
Soon the long period of silence felt like one of the
comfortable blankets scattered about the room. He
watched her for a little while. Her eyes glittered with the
flickering of the fire. He could tell that they had filled
with moisture and she fought the sliding of the tears
down her cheeks. He turned his eyes so not to stare at
her and looked down at his cup.
It was empty.
Something came over him that he didn’t expect.
It was a strange knowledge that he had already been
forgiven. That he didn’t need to ask it from her. He just
wanted to be here with her now and he felt that she
wanted him there as well. No questions, no hatred, no
bitterness. He stood from the sofa and walked to her and
without saying a word he took her own empty cup from
her hands and walked into the tiny kitchen where he
prepared more tea for them both. He walked back out
13
and handed her the fresh cup of tea and she smiled
sweetly when she took it from him. “Thanks,” she said
softly.
He sat back down on the couch. “Michelle?” Her
eyes lifted to his. “I need to confess something to you.”
“If you feel you must.”
“I do,” he answered honestly and gripped the mug of
tea in his hands, “I didn’t even know he was married.”
Her gaze returned to the fireplace.
He continued, needing to slough off the final
remnants of his reasons for being there. “I didn’t even
bother to get to know him…or any of the MACO for that
matter.” He growled. “I was so angry they were there to
begin with…I didn’t even bother getting to know those
who would work on my team.” He caught himself
choking with the anger of it all. “I didn’t even bother to
get to know any of them…and they died for us.” He shut
his eyes and tried to stifle the rising of his own pain and
guilt, his eyes watered but he refused to let the tears fall.
“I insulted them and I have insulted you and I don’t
deserve this.”
She lifted her head and Malcolm could see the
streaks of shiny, glittering tears on her cheeks. Malcolm
squeezed his eyes but couldn’t keep the tears from
falling from his own eyes.
Again, there was an intensely long period of perfect
silence in the room. Malcolm buckled himself against his
own emotion and he could tell that Michelle was doing
the same.
He was almost done with his second cup of tea when
Michelle sighed heavily and he connected his gaze to
hers once more. “I can’t fix your guilt Malcolm. You’ve
14
come seeking forgiveness…well you have it. The
moment you knocked on our…” She cringed. “…on my
door, you earned it. That took the courage Jeremiah told
me you had, but I think you’re here for more than
forgiveness. Why else are you here?”
For the first time since he arrived back on Earth with
the intention of seeing her, Malcolm smiled. “Will
you…can you?” He seemed ashamed he was even going
to ask her.
“Will I what Malcolm?”
He pressed his lips together tightly. “Will you tell me
about him? I’d like to know more.”
Michelle smiled and her tears slipped from eyes
again. “What would like to know?”
Malcolm leaned back into the sofa, “Everything,” he
said “I want to know everything.”
Michelle smiled and nodded. “Okay.”
“Geez where have you been?” asked Mayweather
when he returned to the ship.
Reed only looked to the young ensign and smiled. “I
had some unfinished business down on the planet.”
Mayweather only nodded as he accepted his
superior’s excuse for being gone for more than twenty-
four hours. “Well, the Captain’s back and was looking
for you.”
Reed thanked him and moved into the lift to head for
the bridge. He checked in with the captain who
confirmed with him they still had several more days in
orbit before they would be departing Earth once more.
15
Good. I still have time. He thought and moved to the
mess hall. It was lunch time and he was hoping that the
regulars were there; he had something to do.
Upon his arrival in the mess he was pleased to see
two MACO, Sergeant Kemper and Corporal Chang
sitting at a table. He remembered that Major Hayes
always ate lunch with them.
He moved straight for their table. “Excuse me,” he
said briefly.
Both men looked up to him. Chang’s scowl was hard
for him to hide. “Sir?” He began to stand in respect but
Malcolm waved him back.
He lowered his voice so only the two men would
hear. “I’m sorry to interrupt, and I will understand if you
don’t wish me to, but would it be all right if I joined you
for lunch?”
Kemper’s face reddened and Chang’s face took on an
expression of distaste mixed with confusion. Reed
nodded with comprehension. “Look, I have many
apologies to make to every one of you.”
“With all due respect sir,” Kemper rumbled quietly,
“you only owe apologies to Michelle…”
“I disagree, Sergeant.” Reed interrupted, “I’ve just
come from speaking with her and rest assured I have
apologized to her…in person.”
“You saw her?” Kemper asked.
“Thanks to a polite and completely necessary
reminder from Corporal Chang,” he said.
Chang nodded with satisfaction.
Reed nodded stoically in return. “Is it all right then?
I’d like to talk to you both if you don’t mind.”
16
Chang adjusted his chair to allow more room at the
table for Reed who pulled a chair from another table and
sat between them.
“Thank you.” Reed said and he began by telling them
the truth.
And the truth worked.
Reed knew it would take awhile for the trust to
follow, but eventually it would. Reed would make sure
Hayes would have been proud of how the teams worked
together. He owed him at least that much.
_____
PART TWO
Earth
North America
Colorado
Pike National Forest
Cheesman Lake
Private Residence of Major M. Hayes, MACO
When I first saw him I felt sliced open – splayed
wide like a victim of a hunt. It didn’t help that he was
looking so damned cold. The fool had forgotten that
Colorado in March was snow-bound, especially here in
the higher climes, and on a lake no less. He didn’t even
wear a jacket. I could tell that he had shuttled directly
17
down from the cozy warmth of the Enterprise. His red-
trimmed, blue Starfleet uniform did nothing to protect
him from the elements.
What’s so frustrating Michelle is that he never really
does think about himself. He really is duty bound. He
really does think about his crew first…it’s just that he
doesn’t consider the MACO as part of the crew…yet. It
will be. Come hell or high water, it will be.
He looked miserable, standing on the snow-encrusted
porch of the cabin, the place I had taken refuge since
learning of Jeremiah’s death. His dark hair puffed with
the cold, biting wind and I could tell he was trying
desperately to keep his freezing hands at his sides
instead of stuffing them directly under his armpits for
warmth. He noticed the swelling of my eyes and I could
tell he was overflowing with guilt. In a strange sense I
took enormous pleasure in that, like he deserved to feel
more, but Jeremiah’s voice broke into my head once
more.
Maybe it’s because he reminds me of me. We’re
both such stubborn jerks Mitch. We fight all the time. I
want to bust his head in, but then I have to ask myself
why. Is it because he’s right? Is it because I can’t seem
to get it through his thick skull that I want the same
things he does?
“I’m sorry,” the dark-haired man said and I
immediately noticed his English accent. “I’ve come at a
18
bad time, I’ll come back.” He turned to move back down
off the porch.
“Lieutenant Reed?” I asked in confirmation. I mean,
I knew who he was from the newsnet reports of the
Enterprise’s homecoming and all; it’s just that I had
never met him in person.
“I am,” he answered with such hesitation I was
forced to smile.
“Well I’ll be damned,” I hushed.
“I’m surprised you’re here. I thought maybe you’d
be back on duty…”
“MACO forces a month leave on spouses in the
system. Supposedly it keeps the remaining spouse from
killing people out of anger,” I said bluntly.
While it was a fact, I knew I was playing the card to
frighten him a little and I immediately felt a sense of
power – which was immediately followed by a sense of
guilt and dread and I thought briefly, maybe a month’s
leave wasn’t long enough. Apparently my anger hadn’t
subsided like I thought it had.
The Xindi crisis was now over and Earth was
beginning to learn that the bigger universe may not be as
friendly as they had allowed themselves to think.
The Enterprise had only been back to Earth for three
days. Maybe it was because I got his ashes two days
before…
I held back the anger again and looked at the poor
wretch of a thing freezing in front of me. “Please, come
in out of the cold.” I moved back to allow his entrance
into our…
I mean my…my home.
I’m convinced I’ll never get used to that.
19
After Jeremiah died, my first reaction was to move
out; to leave this place and never come back. I actually
packed a bag and began to think of warm weather locales
to set my spine in but when I made two steps for the
front door I crumbled to the floor and began scratching it
with my nails, trying to dig at the only tangible thing I
shared with him.
Our escape we called it. Our paradise.
Our cabin.
I forced myself to focus on my visitor and I moved
into the small kitchen. “Would you care for a cup of tea?
I was just about to make some for myself.” It wasn’t a
lie…really. I was about to make a tea and spike it with a
shitload of rum to help me sleep but Reed didn’t need to
know that.
“Major, I’m not sure I deserve…”
“Shut up,” I snapped, almost too forcefully. “My
name is Michelle, Lieutenant.”
Only Jeremiah called me Mitch, a nickname that he
used when we started dating.
“Now, tea or not?” I realized that my tone might
have seemed a little brusque but it was either that or try
to feign politeness and after yet another funeral for Jer, I
was too tired for politeness. I was tired of formality. I
was tired of people being nice because he was gone.
Reed didn’t even show to Jeremiah’s memorial.
What was more amazing was I wasn’t even sure how
much that bothered me. In a strange, almost secret way, I
actually envied him for being able to make that choice. If
I had my way there wouldn’t have been a memorial at
all, but the brass at Command wouldn’t have taken no
for an answer.
20
Jeremiah died a hero and they needed to canonize
him.
You see Michelle, he’s a hard-liner…straight-
forward military, just like you and me. He was raised
with it too, he knows the territory. He gets it.
“Yes please….Michelle,” Reed answered.
“Good,” I replied and focused my sights on the kettle
and the loose tea. What had begun in earnest as a way to
make me sleep had instead turned into caffeine-laden pot
of strong black tea.
I noticed him walking politely around the living area
of the cabin. Well, it wasn’t much, it was just our one-
bedroom…my.
My.
It was my one bedroom cottage in the mountains
above Colorado Springs, and he made his way to the
opposite side of the room before the tea had a chance to
steep properly. He stopped right in front of the only
picture we ever had time to put up in the house.
I watched him as he studied it. His face softened and
his posture weakened. It was the same reaction most
visitors got when they saw the picture of us. I grabbed
both mugs and walked up behind him. “That was taken
during our tenth anniversary,” I said, handing him the
mug of tea. “We went to Tahiti for an entire month.”
So Mitch! When I get back, where would you like to
go for our fifteenth? I say we tour the world’s most
romantic cities! Paris. San Francisco. London. Moscow.
Rio de Janeiro. Buenos Aires. Let’s go somewhere
21
romantic yet urban. You always let me pick the beaches
but this time I think I’d like to spend time with you in the
crowds…you always shine when you’re in the middle of
crowds! I want to see you wear that pretty red dress that
you got just before I left. I want to see you wear that
dress on the Champs-Élysées…
“I’m surprised you let me in the house,” Reed said
calmly.
It was an honest statement but I couldn’t bring
myself to respond to it politely so I avoided it altogether.
“Please sit.” I said as I retreated to the comfort of my big
over-stuffed chair by the fire. I sipped from my tea then
decided that I needed to be as honest with him. “I won’t
lie. I thought about telling you off…”
“You’d have every right,” he said. His voice was so
thick with guilt that I almost found myself reveling in it.
Reed is such an enigma Michelle. He goes out of his
way to be one of the best commanders I’ve seen in a long
time, but he’s so afraid that I’m out for his job that he’s
forgetting to include us as part of the mix. It’s
dangerous, and frustrating! A few times on missions I’m
not sure he was thinking clearly. You know I’m not one
to hold back my opinion, I want to give the captain all
available options…but Reed seems offended that I
actually offer them!
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’d be pissed too if I were
in his shoes. One thing’s for sure. If I were in his shoes,
I’d damn well go out of my way to make sure the teams
synched up!
I don’t know, maybe we are too much alike…
22
“But something Jer once told me that stopped me
from doing it.” I answered truthfully.
“He spoke to you about me?” he asked, surprise
lighting his eyes.
“I’m his wife…” I said smartly, maybe with too
much acidity, I still couldn’t bring myself to begin using
past tense.
I was his wife…
“…he recorded a message to me every day, even
when you were in the Expanse. After he died, Ensign
Hoshi had them sent to me. I’ve listened to them all. As
long as it didn’t break the confidence of a mission, I
know everything that happened on that ship,” I said,
“…everything.”
“Major...” he led.
“Michelle,” I corrected him yet again.
“I’m here to apologize for my deplorable behavior.”
“I know.”
“Why are you being so kind to me?”
I laughed and I meant to. “Because believe it or not,
Jeremiah told me he liked you.”
“I don’t understand,” Reed said.
“Malcolm? May I call you Malcolm?”
“Of course.”
“Malcolm, Jeremiah told me that you and he butted
heads all the time. You frustrated him. You ticked him
off like very few others had before…but he respected
you…”
“I’m sorry?” he didn’t seem to believe me. Why was
I not surprised by this?
23
I shook my head and looked to the blazing fire, the
only thing that had provided me any comfort since I
received the transmission from Captain Archer
informing me that Jer would not be coming home with
the rest of them. “You may not have been the best of
friends Malcolm. It sounded like you were anything but.
Yet Jer still talked about you with respect. He told me
that at first he thought Starfleet personnel were too naïve
and too soft…that they played loosely and didn’t follow
the known rules of combat.”
I saw his face contort with the idea that someone
would think his team anything less than being in top
form. I couldn’t contain my smile.
Maybe we MACO were a little big-headed, but we
usually had reason to be. “But he also changed his mind
about that. He said that he was beginning to understand
that our rules didn’t necessarily apply out there; that
there was a bigger picture and that you and the captain
understood that. He liked you and he admitted that the
only reason you pissed him off so much was because you
and he were too much alike…neither one of you liked
giving up the reins.”
Damn him Mitch! He did it again! This time we
actually came to blows! He can’t seem to get it through
his brain that MACO is here to help! He constantly
denies that the ship’s personnel aren’t even close to
being combat ready! They look like fleas on a drowning
dog Mitch! None of them can shoot worth a damn…well,
a couple of them have some innate talent and they can be
trued-up, but the majority couldn’t hit the side of an
elephant in a lit closet!
24
A few of the team are actually becoming friends with
some of the Starfleet crew and I was really beginning to
hope that some real camaraderie would come of it, but I
think Reed is giving his teams guilt trips if MACO even
speaks to them…
Oh Mitch…Michelle…love…do I? Do I act like that
when Sampson gets on my ass? Am I really that over-
protective of my troops? Shit, maybe I am…I don’t know.
I just wish I could find way to resolve this before we kill
each other.
“I don’t understand,” he said. His voice seemed
broken, like it lost all sense of power behind it. “I didn’t
show to his memorial service. I could have…God knows
I should have…but I didn’t. I still don’t really know
why.”
I could see it in his face. He really didn’t know why. I
was no longer sure he avoided it out of fear. At first I
thought it was but the look in his face was telling me
something else, like he had already suffered the pain.
“You’re here now,” I said, “and to tell you the truth,
somehow this means more to me. I knew that your letter
was hard for you. I could hear it in your voice. Honestly?
I wasn’t really surprised not to see you at the memorial.”
Another quite moment passed and I tightened my gut
when I realized he was trying to hold his emotions in.
“He was a fine officer Michelle,” he whispered so
softly I could barely hear him over the crackling of the
fire. “Hell, he was a god-damned hero.”
I could feel the sincerity, the admiration, the respect
and…oh my…was it love?
25
I didn’t know what to say. I had to keep drinking my
tea to keep myself from falling apart all over again. I fell
apart at regular intervals it seemed. Usually right when I
would crawl into bed and reached for the empty
pillow...knowing his head would never…
…that my hands would never…
…touch his soft hair…
Before I realized it, Malcolm had removed my mug
from my hands. Tears had fallen down my cheeks and I
tried to wipe them away.
He moved into the kitchen to make more tea. He was
my guest, yet somehow I loved the fact that he knew
what I needed…what we both needed to get through this
bizarre conversation.
It was a few minutes before Reed returned to stand in
front of me to hand me a full mug of hot tea. I was so
grateful for it…such a simple gift, but one that spoke
volumes. We were both somewhere on the same plane.
“Thanks,” was all I could muster.
He sat back on the big sofa across from me.
“Michelle,” he called and l looked up to him. “I need to
confess something to you.”
It was part of the reason he was here and I knew it. I
wouldn’t deny him. Besides, I needed to hear it for
myself. “If you feel you must,” I said, wrapping my
hands tightly around the mug of tea in my hands.
“I do.” I watched curiously as his hands tightened
around his own mug of tea. “I didn’t even know he was
married.”
Of all the things that Reed could have said … this …
this was one I was not suspecting. He didn’t even know
he was married? How could that be? It wasn’t a secret.
26
Sure, he didn’t wear a ring. Neither of us did … it was a
weakness to wear one. If we were captured, knowledge
of a spouse could be used against us. But among our
counterparts, it was no secret. It was so strange. His
voice snapped me out of my stupor.
“I didn’t even bother to get to know him or any of
the MACO for that matter. I was so angry they were
there to begin with … I didn’t even bother getting to
know those who would work on my team.”
I could tell he was angry with himself and I took a
sense of justice out of it. He deserved this. He needed to
feel angry. He should have felt angry because what he
did was wrong – it was wrong, wasn’t it?
He continued, “I didn’t even bother to get to know
any of them…and they died for us.”
I found myself staring at his ruddy face and caught
my own throat when I saw his eyes fill.
“I insulted them and I have insulted you and I don’t
deserve this.”
I couldn’t help myself, tears were becoming harder
and harder to stuff back down anymore. Just when I
thought I had gained some sort of control over my grief,
it washed over once more. Granted the waves weren’t as
suffocating as they had once been, but they still sucked
the breath out of me every now and then.
I didn’t know how to react to him. It was clear now
that Reed had come to feel the same way about Jeremiah
as Jeremiah had come to feel about him before they went
after the Xindi weapon.
It was love.
No…not love like that. Not like the love I had for
Jer. No – well, at least I don’t think so. No, more like the
27
unusual bond that forms with brothers and sisters in
arms. That love of knowing exactly who you can trust to
be there; who will watch your back; knowing they will
die for you and you for them. It was the same love I
carry for every single member of my own team – a team
that I was about to take out for our own space mission
aboard the Enterprise’s sister ship, the Columbia. That
is, if the captain would ever agree to our presence.
Jeremiah knew it was likely. He told me so. It was
why he was so detailed in his letters about Reed’s
reactions to the MACO team on the Enterprise. He
wanted to give me every possible advantage to avoid the
same problems.
Little did Jeremiah know that those problems might
just end up being things of the past…and so I think will
MACO.
Things are changing at a blinding speed. I can feel it.
Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe not; but I’m sure
MACO won’t be around too much longer. The need for
our services won’t change, but I’m sure that we’ll be
answering to a different acronym.
That’s okay…I think.
They have no choice Mitch. Starfleet will realize …
hell Earth will realize that we can’t go out there
unarmed any more. Yes we’re exploring! I’ve never seen
so many amazing things in all my life! I can’t wait to see
more! But there’s no way we can go out there thinking
that everyone wants us there. We know first-hand that
there are species who will annihilate us if they even
smell the faintest hint of a threat from us. So how do we
28
handle this? We go out. We explore. But we don’t let
ourselves become the doormats of the galaxy!
What we need most right now are friends Mitch. I
hope we find them fast.
I looked to Reed who remained sitting on the sofa,
patiently awaiting my response to his admissions. Things
started to gel. I understood him more now. I got it. It was
my turn to be honest again. “I can’t fix your guilt
Malcolm. You’ve come seeking forgiveness…well you
have it.” I smiled. “The moment you knocked on our…”
Damn! I’d better start getting used to this.
“…on my door, you earned it. That took the courage
Jeremiah told me you had.” I sighed. “But I think you’re
here for more than forgiveness. Why else are you here?”
I was comforted to see him smile. It was a pleasant
smile, nothing too forward or condescending. It was a
real smile, a simple smile and I knew I had pegged it. He
needed something more than forgiveness. He had simply
been too afraid to ask. “Will you…can you?”
“Will I what Malcolm?”
He leaned forward on the sofa. “Will you tell me
about him? I’d like to know more.”
Hmm, better late than never.
Jer might have appreciated it. No, I know Jeremiah
would have loved it. I didn’t even try to stop the stupid
tears from falling onto my cheeks. I found I needed to
tell someone about him. I needed to tell Reed as much as
Reed needed to know. I laughed through my tears.
Reed was about to get an earful.
“What would like to know?” I asked.
“Everything,” he said, “I want to know everything.”
29
Good, because I need to tell him everything…
“Okay.”
So you see Mitch, he’s really not such a bad guy.
He’s just a military stiff like both of us. He wants what’s
best for the crew, the Enterprise and Earth.
So do I. So what if we come at it from two different
points of view? We’re learning how to communicate with
each other and trust me; if Reed and I can learn how to
communicate, anything is possible.
Well my Michelle, we’re on our way in. Wish I could
tell you more. I won’t be able to get future messages out
for awhile as we’ll be running silent, but rest assured
we’re good to go. MACO always are.
I love you Michelle, you know that right?
Good.
Good night.
Goodbye my love.
-Fin-