Smile for Me - T.J. Dell

8/12/2019 Smile for Me - T.J. Dell

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Smile For Me

By: T.J. Dell

Contents

Chapter One. 2

Chapter Two. 8

Chapter Three. 15


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Chapter Four 21

Chapter Five. 31

Chapter Six. 36

Chapter Seven. 41


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Chapter Eight 48

Chapter Nine. 57

Chapter Ten. 62

Chapter Eleven. 69

Chapter Twelve. 75

Chapter Thirteen. 83

Chapter Fourteen. 87


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Chapter One

A high of 85 degrees. It isnt even windy. I stretch my arms

high over my head, urging my muscles to wake up, as I step

out onto our front porch. It is a perfect day. With October just

around the corner, I am determined to enjoy the last summer-

y day before Fal swoops down on us. I live 15 minutes from

the high school. The first bel wont be ringing for at least 60

minutes. You are probably asking yourself why any self-

respecting 17 year old guy would drag himself out of bed so

needlessly early on a Monday morning.

A chirp-chirp sounds across the street. Kim Penney is walking

down her driveway holding the keyless entry remote out in

front of her. I wil deny it to my dying day, but truthfulyshe isthe reason I am standing out here before Ive even toasted my

Pop-Tarts.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day #1: Maybe today Kims car

wont start. Maybe she left the lights on all night and thebattery died, maybe she woke up to a flat tire.

Neither of these are very plausible considering Kim Penney is

more responsible than any of the adults Ive ever known.

Despite the fact that she is actually a few months younger thanI am. Probably, she has never let the gas gauge drop beneath

one quarter, or driven her tires over the recommended

mileage.

But this is my fantasy so lets say her tire is flathell, as long

as were at it all of her tires are flat.

Can I give you a ride, Kim? I ask as I pull up next to her in

my Dads vintage 63 Corvette Sting Ray. My dad has lent

the car to me for the dayfor some reason I cant even


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.

Oh, Marshall! You are a life saver. I dont know what I

would have done if you hadnt happened along. Is this your

car? I just love it, how fast can it go?

I know what youre thinking but its my fantasy and that is

what she would say.

Also she would be wearing a skirt. Im not a perv or anything.

Ive just got this feeling that Kim Penney would look smokinghot in a skirt.

Instead she insists on wearing any of her several variations on

beige colored pleated front slacks. You know the kind you

can only buy in the granny department.

Of course as this plays out in my mind her car purrs to life and

she puls out onto our otherwise empty street after triple

checking her side and review mirrors. I pick up the morning

paper and head back inside hoping my brother, Jason, hasnt

taken the last strawberry Pop-Tart. I hate the blueberry ones.

Jason is sitting at the kitchen table happily spooning cereal into

his mouth and tracing his finger through a maze on the back of

the Cocoa Puffs box.

Damn. He mutters under his breath and I see him start over

again.

I hope Cuckoo isnt depending on you to get to his

breakfast. I joke as I reach into a cupboard.

What? Jason twists around and looks at me like I have two

heads.

Cuckoo. Like Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs the bird on the

box dude! Jason can be a little thick headed sometimes.


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Oh. Whatever. He goes back to his maze.

Where are the Poptarts!?

Right in front of you dude. His impression of me sucks.

No. These are blueberry. Where are the strawberry ones?

Sorry, man. I ate the last one.

Youre having cereal!

The Pop-Tarts were more of a midnight snack.

I consider strangling him, but I figure it would probably bum

out my mom. So instead I pour myself a bowl of cereal.

Hows The Professor this morning?

Half the school cals Kim The Professor just because she gets

good grades. It is so lame.

Dont cal her that. You sound like a douche. It isnt a crime

to be smart.

Its not about her smarts man. Youre smartand you dont

act like youre 40.

Just dont cal her that. And I was only getting the paper

anyway.

Ri-ght.

Wheres the milk? I shove a few half empty cartons of juice

around in the fridge in hopes that the milk is hidden behind

one. It isnt.


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, I orgot. T s was t e en o t e m too. He p c s up

his bowl in both hands and gulps down the remnants with a

loud slurp. Sometimes my brother is so gross.

Were leaving for school in like ten minutes, so hurry up.

Why so early?

Gee, I dont know. Could it be because, thanks to my

bottomless pit of a brother, there is nothing edible in the

house? I want to hit a drive thru on the way.

Whatever, Im taking the bus with Mandy today anyway.

Too bad thoughI could go for an Egg McMuffin. I decide

not to point out how much he doesnt need three breakfasts.

Sure now he looks good. Not as good as me, but good. Oneday al this calorie overload wil catch up to himIl mention it

then. Whats with you and Mandy?

Mandy Johnson lives a couple streets over from us. She is a

junior. That puts her right between me and Jason, who is a

sophomore. We al used to play together when we were kids

but shes always been closer to Jason. Of course that was

before girls had cooties. Her and I both work part time at a

pizza joint in town, Slices. Shes pretty cool.

Nothing. Were just buds. Shes gonna help me with mygeometry homework.

Now things were starting to make sense. You mean she is

going to do your geometry homework. Jason shrugged his

shoulders. Potato-pot-ah-to.

I dont know what she sees in you.

Not me, man. You. Al she ever talks about is Marshall and I

did this and Marshall that. Working with him is so much fun


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a a a . urp se. We wor a ot o t e same s ts

over the summer. And I did drive her home a few times. That

was just because she doesnt have her own car, and shes not

exactly out of my way I had no idea she thought of me that

way. She is pretty cute. Lots of curly red hair, and nice eyesblue, or maybe they are green. Was that why she was

helping Jason so much?

If thats how she feels then youre kinda taking advantage of

her. Thats pretty low, dude. Even for a bottom feeder like

you.

Hey! She totaly offered to help. And besides, she realy

doesnt do the work for me. She just watches me, and tels me

when I screw up.

Which I bet is a lot.

Yeah, it is. He shrugs again. Jason has no shame.

He could get the same grades I dohes just so lazy. As long

as hes skating by with Cs he figures theres no point in trying

harder. Not that Im nerd number one or anything, but it

doesnt take that long to double check a homework

assignment, or read over your notes a second time. I have a

very good shot at Valedictorian in the springJason wont

ever be able to say that.

There are 827 cars in front of me at the McDonalds drive-

thru. If I didnt want that Egg McMuffin so bad I would just

bail, but I have brit lit first period and that class is hard enough

without having to deal on an empty stomach. There is nothinggood on the radio so I decide to indulge.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the day #2: The car in front of me is a

big dark SUV, but I am thinking it is Kims blue Honda

Accord.


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That is, of course, forgetting that I saw her leave her house

more than 40 minutes ago and that she is probably in the

school library right now working with the SAT prep group.

She isnt in the group. Kim doesnt need the help; shes incharge of the study group.

I can imagine Kim getting all the way to the cashier before she

realizes shes left her wallet at home. I very smoothly walk up

to the window and pay for her breakfast. I bend down to thedrivers window and give her a chance to thank me. Except

there isnt a lot of room between the cars and the wall and I

dont think I could pull that off without brushing against the

wall.

The outside wall next to the drive-thru lane is pretty gross. At

least a decade worth of old chewed up gum is pressed onto

the discolored brick, and there are several reddish stains that I

think are burst ketchup packetsI think thats what they are.

I have a pretty vivid imagination, but even I cant romanticize

this. Havent these people ever heard of a power washer?

Fine. Forget the drive-thru. We could be inside. And she

wouldnt need to forget her wallet anyway. I would just sidle

up next to her and say

Ill take care of that before I hand over a few bills. I just

might say something really slick like keep the change even

though no one tips fast food cashiers. It just always sounds so

cool in the movies.

Since I paid for breakfast it only makes sense that she sit

down and eat with me. At a tablenot a booth, since

imaginary Kim is wearing a skirt and at one of the tables I

would be able to check out her legs what do you want? Im

a guy. I bring up the european history papers we turned in last


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Fr ay. Not ecause I ave a partcuar passon or european

history, but because I know I am going to get an A. And

nothing impresses Kim Penney more than good grades.

Thats great Marshall she says. Paul always struggled in that

class you know.

Hey! Kid! You got the money or not? I shake myself free of

the daydream. A middle aged man wearing an ancient looking

headset is leaning out of the window with an open hand

extended waiting for me to pay for my breakfast. How longhad I been zoned out? I silently pay for my breakfast and head

towards school. That was embarrassing!

Paul Arnold is Kims boyfriend. He was a senior last year,

now he is away at colege. Im not positive, but I think they arestil technicaly together. Much like Kim, Paul never had trouble

with a class in his life. But havent we already established my,

my-daydream-my-rules philosophy? I dont know what she

sees in him anyway. The guy is duler than toast. Realywe

were on the school paper together for three years. For threeyears he was in charge of the school lunch menu, and that is al.

He could have had his pick of stories last yearbeing a senior

and al. He wasnt interested. I am pretty sure he just needed

an extracurricular for his colege applications. There is a big

party in the press room (Mr. Bilings classroom) at the end ofevery year, but he never showed up to a single one. Duler than

toast.

Thanks to the Egg McMuffin I am almost late for school.

Dave and Steve are saving my usual seat for me, which ispretty close to the door, so our teacher doesnt give me any

trouble for slipping in a moment after the bel rings. Dave,

Steve, and I have been buds for years. They are both on the

newspaper with me, and Dave is in the drama club with me

too. Steve quit drama after our freshman year. He figures he


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pea e as pa ace guar num er t ree n our a pro uct on o

Aladdin.

Dave passes me a note: You have yellow goo on your face.

Reaching up, I can feel crumbles of imitation egg stuck to onecorner of my mouth. Stupid Egg McMuffin. I am trying to

wipe my face clean with the palms of my hands when Ms.

Parker notices. Mr. Henries? Would you care to join the

conversation when youve finished grooming yourself?

Um mrow. I lick the back of my hand and do a half

hearted imitation of a cat giving himself a bath. This brings a

few chuckles, but not enough to completely dispel my urge to

crawl under a rock somewhere. For a day that started out so

sunny and nice, I am having a realy sucky morning.


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Chapter Two

Things didnt realy improve from there. Egg McMuffins

always sound like a good idea and then you end up with a five

hour stomach ache. Not that Im some big wuss or anything,

but it was hard to enjoy chili cheese dog day at lunch time.

Dave was happy thoughhe got my hotdog.

My last class of the school day is european history. Kim

Penney sits in the seat in front of mine, so it is also one of myfavorite classes. Kim has this realy long brown hair. She

always wears it braided and it stil fals to her waist. Most days

I spend half the class dreaming about unbraiding it. Thinking

about how incredible it would look if she would wear it loose

just once. Today I am mostly thinking of how many minutesleft until the bel. I probably shouldnt have let Dave finish off

my lunch; now that my breakfast has finalyalbeit grudgingly

been digested I am pretty hungry.

Heres the thing about taking a class with Kim. You never getto answer a question. She is always the first one to raise her

hand, and she is always right. It is unbelievably annoying. That

leads me to the other thing about Kimdespite my undeniable

obsession with her, she actualy drives me nuts. She always

has.

The day she moved in across the street from us mom sent

Jason and me over with a basket of food (probably cookies

or muffins but I dont remember) to say helo and welcome

blah blah blah. That was two years ago and right before thestart of the tenth grade. Kims hair wasnt quite as long back

then and she was stil wearing glasses (I guess she got contacts

or something because the glasses disappeared last year) but

that is pretty much al thats changed.


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,

beige. Shes almost as tal as I am. At the time she was actualy

a bit taler than me, but I grew a lot that year. Her eyes are this

realy bright blue like notice them from across the room

blue. Even at 15 I could appreciate how perfectly shaped she

is. Actualy at 15 that was practicaly al I noticed. But just so

you dont think too badly of me, it didnt take me very long to

realize that besides being pretty Kim is also realy smart.

Back when we were riding the school bus she would always

be reading a book. Not something for a class or even HarryPotter but big heavy classics like Pride and Prejudice.

That day, when we brought the basket of food over, Kim was

unpacking a box of cds. I wanted an excuse to hang around

the moment I saw her, so I offered to help. That was thebeginning of the end for us.

Youre not doing that right. Kim came up behind me where

I was stacking cds onto a shelf. You have to stand them on

end so you can read each title.

Oh. I wasnt done. I just thought it would be easier if I

emptied the box first. That way I wont have to keep bending

over. I tried to explain it to her, but she looked like she didnt

believe me. I turned each CD on end and started lining them

up. I remember feeling kind of sheepish and wanting to do

something to impress her. Before I could think of anything she

came back.

No. They should separated by genre. You knowrock,

jazz, and my mom has a lot of show tunes. Otherwise it wiltake us forever to find what we want. She was picking out

the sound tracks from the shelves Id already arranged

alphabeticaly as she spoke. Shoving the pile of show tunes at

me she continued. Here.


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Youl have to start over.

I know what genre means. I grumbled at her. She wasnt

acting particularly grateful, and I was beginning to think I liked

her better when she wasnt talking.

Id almost finished when she came back to my side of the

room.

What happened? They were alphabetized!

You said by genre. I reminded her through clenched teeth.

Obviously I meant you should alphabetize within each.

never mind. It wil be quicker if I do it myself.

Good. I only offered to be nice anyway.

Wel Il finish up.

I didnt even answer her. I just stomped out the front door like

a spoiled kidmostly because I was a spoiled kid and partlybecause I was embarrassed that she didnt like me more. Girls

almost always like me. Im not a bad looking guy. I am pretty

tal and I got lucky with missing most of the realy bad acne

years.

Recently I have started clipping my hair very short and I like

that better than the messy curls I had at 15, but even with the

messy curls I wasnt having too much trouble getting dates.

Anyway fast forward a couple of years, and she is stilcorrecting people and insisting her way is the only way. It

might be less annoying if she werent usualy right. Today we

are having a review for the tomorrows test on the First World

War. Kim answers every question. At least six other hands

(including my own) go into the air every time, but Kims is the


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only one Mr. Avery sees. Everyone already knows your smart

Kim, I think loudly at the back of her head (refusing to be

distracted by her glossy brown hair), cant you give someone

else a chance?

When the bel finaly rings I am al set to make a beeline for the

snack machine, but Kim is blocking the aisle as she takes her

sweet time packing up the insane amount of school supplies

she has spread across her desk. Realy? Who needs two

notebooks, three different colored pens, and a highlighter justto take notes? We are the last two people in the room.

Probably I could have turned around and gone out the other

side of the row, but I am so irritated by this point I want to

make a show of tapping my foot obnoxiously behind her. Im

fairly sure she doesnt even notice. When I finaly make it tothe door way I can hear Kim behind me asking Mr.

Avery about a recommendation letter for her colege

applications. For some ridiculous reason this irritates me even

more. If anyone doesnt need extra recommendations to go

with their colege applications it is Kim Penney.

Much much later in life I might be self aware enough to admit

that my irritation with her intense focus on classes is actualy

jealousy. Not jealousy of her grades

I can do just fine in the academic world on my own. No, I

am jealous of the stupid notebook. If she paid me a fraction of

the attention she did her notes I would be one very happy guy.

I am crumpling up the mylar wrapper from my snack andwondering if the snack machine having strawberry Pop-Tarts

qualifies as irony as I walk into the school auditorium. This is

the first meeting for our Fal play. We are going to do a

modernized version of Much Ado About Nothing. I tend to be

on the fence about modernizing the classics, but I doubt


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anyone wou tryout we attempte a espeare n ts

original format.

Heyare they giving out extra credit this year for drama

club? Dave asks when I slump into the seat next to him.

No, why?

Wel I cant think of any other reason The Professor would

be here. Sure enough just past where Dave is pointing I can

see Kim Penney sitting by herself in the front row completelyengrossed in a smal paperback book.

What is she doing here? Kim is not what you would cal a

joiner. I dont even think I have ever seen her at a school

dance . This thought of course conjures up images of Kim in afancy dress. A short fancy dress. Thoughts of her dancing in a

short skirt, of course, chase away al my earlier irritation with

her and her notebooks.

Maybe shes decided to loosen up a little bit and have some

fun this year.

Dave snorts. That is his entire answer. A snort that says both

no that couldnt possibly be it, and you poor fool, you have

got to get over her at the same time. Dave is a very

accomplished snorter.

Maybe I should go find out.

Find out what? Dave seems to have already forgotten what

we are talking about.

Find out what shes doing here.

Dude. What is it with you and The Professor anyway? You

could have any girl in school. Claire Haines is practicaly


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rather waste your time on a chick you dont even like half the

time? Who also, I might add, doesnt even acknowledge your

existence.

Claire is practicaly a cardboard cutout. Dave keeps staringat me looking confused. You knowshe is without depth.

This is very true. Claire is like the any popular girl in a low

budget after school special: super sexy, lots of confidence, and

boring as hel.

Have you seen Claire Haines? Popularity is completely

wasted on you.

At this point I decide to stop listening to Dave. So I walk over

to Kim.

Is this seat taken? That sounded so much cooler in my head.

Kim is staring at me like maybe I am one of the special needs

kids. That sounded cooler in my head. I go ahead and sit

down trying to charm her into smiling. Kim never smiles. Not

realymaybe a self-satisfied smirk when a teacher hands

back an assignment or a polite turn up of her mouth when

shes speaking with someonebut never a real smile.

Sometimes I dream of making Kims whole face light up with

a real honest-to-goodness smile. A smile that is just for me.

Did you want something? Kim is stil staring. I have got to

start paying more attention to whats going on in the real

world.

I was actualy wondering what you wanted. She just raisesan eyebrow at me. Youve never seemed interested in theater

before. Stil nothing. You know these things arent graded

right? Im instantly sorry for teasing her. Realy, I am not

usualy a bad guy. What is it about her that gets under my skin

this wa ?


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Instead of no response now she has turned back to her book

and is openly ignoring me. I probably deserve it.

Is that why you find it so appealing? Kim speaks up just as Iam about to slink back to Dave. Her eyes are stil trained

intently on her book, but she is definitely waiting for me to

respond.

Maybe. I offer her my widest grin. What are you reading?

I tap one finger against her book.

Im preparing. She uncurls the book and holds it up for me

to see the cover. Much Ado About Nothing.

That wont help much. Shakespeare needs to be seen onstage, and anyway Mr. Patterson is adapting the whole thing

to high school setting. I doubt therel be much of the original

left when hes done with his butcher job.

Kim turns her head to meet my eyes. Before I can gauge herimpression of me or my comment Mr. Patterson clears his

throat and hops onto the stage.

Patterson is new this year.

Our old drama teacher, Miss Channing, left at the end of lastyear to get married. Miss Channing was great. We always had

realy great productions and a couple of times she was able to

attract scouts from performing arts schools. So far my

impression of Patterson is not promising. He spends a lot of

his class time just chatting with us, like hes our buddy. Mostof the kids think thats great. But unlike them, I am not in

Drama class for an easy A. I would realy like a shot at making

a career in this industry and I dont particularly think his

watered down take on The Bards work is going to help get


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.

Good turn out! He is smiling broadly as he takes in the size

of the crowd. There are only about two thirds as many people

here as there were for last Springs production. Alright, wel

today we are just going to go over the scheduling and try andget al that dry technical stuff out of the way. Try-outs wil be

next week. I cant help slumping down in my chair and roling

my eyes. Dry technical stuff? Kim is sitting upright with a pen

and memo pad. Where did she get a memo pad that quickly?

When the meeting is over Kim closes her memo pad. I swear

she took three pages of notes in the last 30 minutes. Heres

what Patterson said: 1. We are remaking Much Ado About

Nothing (dont worry we are going to make it fun.) I managed

to restrain myself from pointing out that Shakespeare did apretty good job of making it fun in the first place.

2. Tryouts wil be held next Tuesday and Wednesday after

school and you wil need a monologue and a song.

Thats al there realy was to this whole meeting. What the crapwas she scribbling about? Would it be too much to hope that

she was alternating between practicing signing Mrs . Marshall

Henries and Mrs. Kimberly Henries? I would even settle for a

Mrs. Kimberly Penney-Henries. Im a modern kind of guy

after al.

Can you wake up? You are on my backpack. Kim is

tugging on a blue canvas strap. I look down and see that I my

shoe is indeed pinning the other strap to the floor. I swear I

am usualy smoother than this.

I wasnt asleep, Kim. I try to defend myself as I pick up her

backpack.

You werent paying attention. Are you planning on trying


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out I you want I can te you w at you msse ur

ng your

nap. I swear to you she said this with a serious face. Kim

Penney is offering me advice on theater. I have been in every

production since my freshmen year.

I always try out. And I heard every word he saidI just

dont need to write everything down.

Wait! Where are you going? Thats my bag. She practicaly

shouts when I turn to walk away.

I know. I thought I would walk you to your car. You know

be a gentleman, carry your bag; I may even lay my jacket

over a mud puddle for you if the opportunity presents itself.

Wel. Thats nice of you. Kim folows behind me. I didnt getso much as a chuckle over the mud puddle bit, but at least

shes not screaming help! thief!

You never did tel me. Why the sudden interest in theater?

How do you know it is sudden? I could have gone out forseveral plays.

I would know; I am pretty involved in this stuff.

Oh. Wel, I am just interested thats al.

In other words its none of my business? I am having fun

even though she is being less than gracious in light of me

carrying her insanely heavy book bag.

How many books does she need for one night anyway?

Thats basicaly it. Im over there. She points to the blue car

I am already headed towards.

I know.


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You do? Kim looks suspicious. And now I am wondering

something. A great big boulder of ugly insecurity is roling

around in my gut

Of course, Kim. I see can see your driveway from mine. We

are neighbors.

And there it isKim turns to look at me, her face colored

with utter confusion. She has no idea who I am. I hate when

Dave is right. Jasons brother, right?

Martin?

The pain of this is almost unbearable. Jasons brother? He is in

the tenth freakin grade! Marshal. Jason is my youngerbrother. She just nods her head.

No apologizing for not recognizing me or god forbidfor

getting my name wrong. We have three classes together. I

am embarrassed for pushing the point, but I cant help myself.

Right, of course. Wel thanks Marshal. Il see you next week,

I guess, for tryouts.

And tomorrow in European History, Calculus, and

Chemistry. I dont even think she hears me. The moment Ihanded over her back pack she jumped into her car and shut

the door. Dave is totaly rightI have got to get over her.


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Chapter Three

I went to sleep thinking of anyone but Kim Penney. So why

am I out here again this morning? Waiting to see her before

school? Because I am a masochist. It is raining this morning.

Even standing under the porch overhang I am stil getting wet

because the wind is slanting the rain directly towards me. That

must be her walking quickly down the driveway. I can hear

her car chirping, and I see a gray figure with a big gray

umbrela. I dont know much about girls clothes, but I do

know that they come in more interesting colors than beige and

gray. Maybe no one ever explained that to Kim. I raise my

arm and wave widely at her. After several long heart beats she

offers me a smal tilt of her umbrela in response. Its better than

nothing.

Mom went to the store. Theres milk, but I didnt see

strawberry Pop-Tarts. I can barely understand Jason around

his mouthful of cereal. He is such a barbarian.

I got it covered. From the lower row of cabinets where

mom keeps the pots and pans I pul out the box of strawberry

Pop-Tarts.

Youre hiding food? Weirdo.

Desperate times, dude. I am completely unashamed. If it

were left up to Jason, I might starve to death.

Jason rode the bus again and I got to school early despite

going through the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru for coffee. I knowwhere Kims locker is. I cant help but stalk her a little, please

dont judge me too harshly. So while Kim is finishing with her

SAT prep group I am leaning as casualy as I can manage

against her locker waiting. Something about that less-than-an-


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.think it might be my own fault if Kim Penney hasnt been

noticing me. Just because I dont normaly work very hard at

getting dates doesnt mean that I cant. I happen to think I am

pretty darn charming.

Excuse me. Kim barely spares me a glance when she shows

up.

Good morning to you too. Holding out the extra coffee I

brought for her, I move aside to give her access to her locker.

Whats this?

Caramel mocha somethingit sounded reasonably girlie and

also tasty. I wiggle the hand that is stil holding her cup slightly.

If she doesnt take it I wil be so humiliated.

Its for me? She stil doesnt take the cup.

Wel I have my own. I paste on a confident smile and show

her the already half empty cup of plain old coffee, milk, andsugar in my other hand. So, this one must be for you.

Why? She finaly reaches out for the coffee. Her fingers feel

soft and cold against mine, probably because Im holding the

contrastingly hot cup. I am astounded by how much I enjoythe brief contact. I always thought holding hands was more of

a girl thing.

I just wanted to say good morning. What did you think of the

play? Did you finish reading it? I know that she probably

have kept reading despite my advice not to. That is just the

kind of person she isno such thing as too prepared.

Its funny. I liked Beatricenot Hero thoughshe was kind

of worthless.


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I know! I always liked Beatrice better too. I am hoping to get

the part of her boyfriend Benedick. Patterson is renaming him

Benny.

I like Beatrice. Kims voice is wary. Like she isnt sure whywe are talking. I decide to ignore her wariness. But, Id be

happier with something smaler though. No smal parts only

smal actors, right?

Thats true, but most people stil dont usualy hope for the bitparts.

We are walking down the hal now. My class is in the opposite

direction, but nothing could turn me away. Something about

Kim gets my blood pumping. I feel more alive when Im

talking with her.

Im not most people.

No, Kim Penney, you certainly are not.

She stops just outside a classroom and turns to me. I dont

understand you, Marshal. At least she got my name right

today. Im not a very complicated guy. Is it possible that I

wasnt being obvious enough? Did that many guys bring her

coffee in the mornings?

Thank you for the coffee. She turns around and disappears

into the classroom. The bel rings, and I am late for Brit Lit.

It seems this morning was a good place to start. In al the

classes I share with Kim she gave me a smal wave back whenI waved to her. I managed to feel impressed rather than

annoyed when she corrected our teacher in Calculus

(correcting a teacher takes some serious bal guts) and in

European History I am sure she noticed that I turned in my


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. .

Steve and I have newspaper on Tuesday afternoons, or I

would have walked her to her car again. I am wondering

where the line is between flirting and stalking. It could be a

good thing that Mr. Bilings is pretty harsh about tardies. Idont want to scare her; after al, nothing says I love you like a

restraining order.

Whoa, are you humming? What is with you today!? I didnt

notice Steve sitting down next to me. As a point of fact, I washumming.

Im not humming. Dudes dont hum. I take a little longer

than necessary to pul out my notebook just to avoid meeting

his eyes.

***

At home I find Jason and Mandy hunched over a text book at

our kitchen table. Wel Mandy is hunched over, Jason is

tipping his chair back on two legs trying to see into the familyroom and watch television. I am in such a good mood I cant

help having a little fun at his expense. It is extremely easy for

me to upset his balance with a thump on the back of his chair

as I walk past. Arms and legs flailing wildly, Jason and his

chair clatter loudly onto the tile floor. I wil shelter you from thestring of profanity he let loose on the way down.

Watch your language! Theres a lady present, Jase. She

shouldnt have to suffer just because youre a klutz with a foul

mouth.

Where do you think I get it from?

Mandy swalows down the last of her laughter. Its true,

Marshal. I am the Johnson family reigning champion of dirty


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. .

Realy, shes worse than a sailor. Jason seemed to be talking

more to Mandy than me.

Whoever said sailors used so much foul language anyway?Mandy wants to know.

Actualy I dont knowwhy do sailors get such a bad rap?

You never hear Popeye cursing.

Maybe they just edited that out for the kids. I bet Popeye

could curse like a wel a sailor. You are probably

wondering why I am stil standing here listening to them. Did

you ever watch that show about the Duggars and their 25

kids? Wel I am never sure why it is actualy on the air. Theyare so boring, but whenever I happen to come across it I

always end up watching the whole show. That is what Mandy

and Jason are like, boring but somehow fascinating.

Nahhe was too busy showing off for Olive Oil to have a

potty mouth. Now PlutoI bet thats where the potty mouthwas. Jason is stil talking

Like from Mickey Mouse?

No. The big guy that was always kidnapping Olive awayfrom PopeyePluto.

His name was Bluto. With a B, like butthead.

Thats stupid, who would name their kid Bluto?

Who would name their kid Popeye?

Jason has righted his chair by this point and the two of them

are so involved in their inane debate I might as wel have left.

So I do.


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On my way upstairs I can hear them continuing the argument

behind me. That wil probably be it for whatever schoolwork

Mandy was going to get out of Jason. She is either very good

at playing it cool in front of me, or I am losing my girl radar.She sure didnt seem to be particularly affected by my

presence.

Most of the next week is the same. Not about me

eavesdropping on my brother and his friendthat would bedumb. I meant that I kept up my Make-Kim-Penney-Smile-

For-Me campaign. I met her in the mornings at her locker.

Just to say good morning, and remind her that I exist. I

didnt try the coffee thing again, but I did offer her one of my

Pop-Tarts on Wednesday. She declined. On Thursday Ithought she might be warming up to me when we were

comparing notes on our Calculus homework. Then Claire

Haines popped up out of nowhere.

Marshal, I cant wait for the play. Im sure you are going to

be just fabulous.

Thanks Claire. We are going to do our best. I turned around

to answer herI didnt want to be rude.

You know you are the only reason anyone goes to thosethings.

Thats not true. Everyone always works realy hard. Kim here

is trying out this fal.

Who? Now, at first I thought Claire was just being rude.

This would not be out of character for her. So I turned around

and reached out to touch Kims arm, but she was gone.

Seriouslyshe just left me standing there.


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.mornings, and waved to her in class. I sit next to her now

instead of behind her in European History. I hate the front

row, but sacrifices must be made. So, the milion dolar

question: have I made progress? Not realy. Today is Monday,

so after a ful week of stalking/charming her she finaly initiateda conversation with me this morning.

Do you need help with your history? She asked before I

could even get out the carefuly scripted good morning Id

been working on during the drive to school.

What?

In European History? We have another paper due next

week. If you want I could tutor you.

What makes you think I need a tutor?

Wel Im not just going to write it for you. If that is what

youre getting at.

At this point I was fairly evenly split between anger and

amusement. That paper was already finished and just waiting

for me to hit print on my laptop. Im not getting at anything.

You brought up history class.

I just thought wel why are you bringing me breakfasts

than?

Why was she doing this to me? I didnt bring you breakfast

today. I bit out the words and walked away. Realy, I

couldnt take it anymore. I shouldnt have to explain flirtingit

definitely loses something in translation.

Im not sure you could exactly say Ive been avoiding Kim,

but I havent gone out of my way to speak to her either.


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dry as her boyfriend, Paul. I have always thought that

underneath that uptight overly scholastic personality she was

hiding someone happier and more fun. You know a

personality to match her great legs. It is possible that was

wishful thinking.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the day #1: Here is how this morning

should have gone down.

Kim would start walking faster the minute she could see mewaiting for her. Good morning Marshall! I would get a great

big smile out of her before she started to open the locker.

Maybe she would even hug me. A hug sometimes follows a

smiledoesnt it? Shes tall, so if I pulled her close her face

would fall even with my collar bone and I would feel her softhair against my cheek. In my fantasy all her pretty hair is loose.

I can definitely imagine her arms wrapping around my neck,

and how her waist would curve under my hand right,

moving on.

Whats this? I would ask as she hands me a white pastry

bag.

Breakfast! I stopped for danishes. I thought I should bring

you something for a change.

Thank you. And I would take a bite right away. I would not

hurt her feelings by looking at her like she was trying to poison

me.

Marshall? Could you help me with my history paper? I knowyou have probably had it finished for days. And I am sure it is

A plus work, since you are the smartest guy in class.

Of course Kim, I would be happy to. Why dont you come

by my house after school? I will spare you the portion of the


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antasy t at appens w en s e s ows up or t e stu y ate.

Anyway, that isnt what happened. So here I am, in the

auditorium waiting for tryouts, making notes (for the behind

the scenes piece I promised Mr. Bilings for the school paper),

and pretending like Im not waiting for Kim to walk in. Today

is for students whose last names start between A and M.

Penney clearly fals under tomorrows N through Z category.

I know she wil be here anyway; Kim doesnt do things in half-

measures. That is one of the things I like about her.

When she does come in I pretend not to notice the very

intense look she shoots my way as she walks to a seat in the

front row. I cannot decide if that look was a little regretful or if

that is just my admittedly over active imagination. She had,

after al, accused me of trying to trade Pop-Tarts and coffeefor ilegal homeworkassignments. She should feel some

remorse.


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Chapter Four

I dont get nervous on stageever. I was a tree in the first

grade when my elementary school did Goldilocks and the

Three Bears for back-to-school night.

Ive been on stage ever since. I love it. So why is it that Kim

Penney has the ability to make my palms go sweaty before

one lousy audition? Why did I let myself look over at her at

least 50 times during my 70 second monologue? I stil did fine,but not my best. It would be worth it if I thought for even one

second that she noticed me looking at her, but even I cant

imagine that to be true.

Marshal! Wait! Marshal! Dave and I are already halfwayout the door before Kims voice turns me around.

Unbelievable, dude! Dave hisses before jogging away.

Marshal! Kim is a little out of breath when she reaches me.

She is wearing this not at al sexy loose fitting white blouse that

shows absolutely nothing, and it is driving me crazy. I swear I

am not usualy like this, but she does things to my brain

functions.

What can I do for you Kim? I hope I sound like I am stilirritated from this morning.

No one was doing the right play.

What are you talking about?

The play! Everyone was just up there talkingI had no idea

what about, and I learned the whole play! I have never seen

Kim even a little nervous. She is always cool and colected and

ful of answers. Right now I am very afraid that Kim is going to


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urst nto tears. T e w

o e p ay You memor

ze a o Muc

Ado About Nothing?

Wel, most of it! Didnt you? What were talking about?

Brewster and Roosevelt? I didnt understand a word you

were saying.

You didnt understand me, like you couldnt hear me? Or

like it wasnt funny? Its supposed to be very funny. My heart

is pounding more now at the idea that Id blown my bit rather

than at the sight of her trying to catch her breath.

Wel I suppose it was funny, but what does that have to do

with Shakespeare?

Not much, its from Arsenic and Old Lace. Its a dry humorthoughlike Benedick.

I dont understand! She is almost screaming now and al the

color is gone from her face. I am very worried she is going to

have a nervous breakdown and al I can think of is calming her

down. What in the world am I going to do if she pukes in the

halway?

Okay, lets get you out of here. I take that seven hundred

pound bag off her back, (no wonder she was out of breath

who could run with this thing?) and slip one arm around herwaist to steer her towards the parking lot.

Her impending breakdown is obviously my first priority, but I

am an excelent multi-tasker and an entire section of my brain

is devoted to memorizing the feeling of light headed giddinessbrought on by being this close to her. I take her directly to my

truck. It is an old hand-me-down pick up from my uncle, but I

love it. There isnt a whole lot of room in the cab for her, me,

and al her books, but I squeeze us in and turn the key in the

i nition. Nothin . Nothin a ain. Then I rememberI decided


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not to stop for gas this morning because I was worried Id

miss Kim at her locker. I thought there would be enough to

make it to the Shel station on the way home. Why does Dad

never offer me the keys to his Corvette?

Oops. No gas. I could not be more embarrassed. This

never happens in my day dreams. Two years I have been

waiting for Kim Penney to need something from me, and no

gas!

Theres more room in my car anyway. I have a gas can in the

trunkwe can come back for your truck. She is totaly cool

with my complete and utter failure as a man. That somehow

makes it worse, but I am determined so I hurry back to the

passenger door and help her out.

What about my books? I need my books. She mumbles

when I put her into the passage side of her own car. I swear

she is in some kind of shock, but al my medical training comes

from reruns of ER so I could be wrong.

We can get them later, when we come back for the truck.

Putting her car in drive I head towards the coffee house on

Oleander St.

My mom always offers people hot beverages when theyreupset. They serve their scones on doilies and have realy

obnoxiously pink to-go cups here, but the coffee is good. Plus

I have always thought it was kind of a date-ish place. And

whatever, I know this is not a date, but you cant blame a guy

for trying.

Inside, I find us a table in the corner and thankfuly Kim no

longer looks like she is going to puke. We are sitting on

opposite sides of the table, but it is one of those high top

circular tables that are only designed for one or maybe two


35/130

peop e so we are st qute c ose toget er. I

ave to rem

n

myself that this isnt a date, because my imagination is begging

me to fly into a Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day. When the

waitress comes I order a tal coffee with milk and sugar and a

chocolate chip muffin. Kim asks for some kind of berry teaand yogurt with granola. Even my grandma doesnt consider

yogurt and granola snack food.

Okay. I say once shes started eating. So you didnt know

what a monologue was?

I looked it up! She puls a memo pad out of her purse and

starts reading. A long speech by one actor in a play, or

movie, or as part of a theatrical or broadcast program.

Wel that is accurate. I cant help but chuckle at her.

This is not funny! I have to try out tomorrow. Now Im not

ready. What wil I do? The color is draining away from her

face again. I want so badly to pul her into a hug. Just to

comfort her. I have no idea why she is so very upset, but Iwant to make it better.

The inappropriateness and inherent uselessness of a hug are

clear to me, so I hook my ankles around the legs of my stool

to help keep my impulses in check and instead I just reach out

and touch her hand. Just the tips of my fingers are covering

hers but it is enough to quiet her mild hysterics. For just a

moment we are both staring down at the table. Her hand

looks tiny next to mine. Pale too, but not sickly pale just a

pretty peach color that tels me she is probably serious about

her sun block. Although, that would have been easy for me to

guess even without the visual aid. Kim is serious about

everything.

Okay, so you can do a monologue from Much Ado About


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. .

It isnt a rule, but people dont usualy do it?

Wel no, usualy not. I try to keep my expression light and

casual. The truth is that reading from the actual script you areauditioning for is kind of a big no-no . Patterson might not

care though.

I have to be in the play. She stresses every word. She could

just as easily have been saying I have to breathe in and out.

I can tel. This makes no sense to me; what is with her and

this play? Shed never even read it until last week. So do you

want me to help you get something else ready?

There isnt time!

Calm down. Kim is nearing hysterics again. I take this as a

good excuse to curl my fingers under hers until I am more

holding her hand than touching it.

There is time. This isnt Broadway you know. Patterson

doesnt seem very difficult to please.

Seem? Dont you know? I thought you said youd done this

before? Kim looks at me suspiciously. Unfortunately I cant

help laughing at her again. Al that single minded determination

must create quite the tunnel vision if she isnt even aware that

Patterson is new.

I have. Lots. But Patterson in the new drama teacher. Miss

Channing left at the end of last year.

She was the old drama teacher?

I have beaten my laugh down to a wide smile by this point. I

like that Kim is a bit of a mystery. I like that she surprises me


37/130

sometimes. The best student in school and she has no idea

who the drama teacher is despite her apparent new passion

for theater. And what is with that anyway? Please tel me why

this is so important to you, Kim. If I dont figure it out I wont

Il be able to sleep tonight.

I doubt that me or my interests have that kind of effect on

your sleeping habits. She moves to pul her hand free, but I

apply a little pressure and keep it trapped beneath mine.

You would be very surprised. I use my free hand to shove a

piece of chocolate chip muffin into my mouth as a way to fil

the awkward silence my admission created. Real slick

Henries, I think to myself, shes going to think/know you are a

stalker.

She is looking at me like I was speaking in Latin. I swear she

goes out of her way to not understand when Im making any

kind of a pass at her.

Okay, so you need a new monologuegot any ideas? I askher trying to keep my voice light.

If I did, I wouldnt be so close to freaking out right now.

If this is close I am not sure I want to witness an actual freak

out. Okay, wel do you have a favorite play?

I liked this one.

umm other than this one?

I dont know; I am not big on plays.

Then, why. Kim is glaring at me, so I decide not to finish

that question. How about movies? Whats your favorite

movie?


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I dont know! I dont watch TV.

Who doesnt watch TV?

Me! Oops. I think I insulted her.

Okay, not a big deal. Il pick something for you. Were you

thinking comedic, or dramatic?

Sleeping Beauty.

What?

My favorite movieSleeping Beauty. There is a pause

while I process this information. You look surprised.

I am. Good surprised though. I am glad you have a little

whimsy in your life, Kim Penney.

Why do you do that?

Do what?

Cal me Kim Penney.

Wel, it is your name.

She is almost smiling at me. Just a ghost of a curve is hanging

out at the edge of her mouth. I am grinning from ear to ear.

Your name is Marshal Henries, but I bet most people leave

off the Henries.

I guess it is just how I think of you... Kim-Penney I like

your name, does it bother you?

You say that like you think of me a lot .


39/130

.me thinking about her so repulsive? So, Sleeping Beauty? I

pul out my smart phone and fiddle around on the internet for a

few minutes until I find something. There is bit where she is

talking to herself in the woods, about dreaming of a prince.

Its a little sugary for my taste, but Patterson wil eat that up.

An owl.

I swear Kim Penney is never having the same conversation as

I am. What now?

She isnt talking to herselfshe is talking to an owl. You can

find that on your phone?

Sure, a laptop would be more convenient though. Come on,

lets go. When we get to my place Il look up it up and wel

get started.

Why are you helping me?

Kim Penney, you are the smartest girl I know. So I am goingto let you figure that out on your own. It took us awhile

because we needed to stop for gas and then go pick up my

truck. Not my most shining moment. It is getting late, and Kim

and I have only just printed out her lines.

She is standing in my living room staring at the wal over my

shoulder carefuly reciting each line with little to no inflection in

her voice. It is lucky for me that I finished the last little bit of

tomorrows homework while I was waiting for my turn to

audition, but for Kim I am sure I would be wiling to take anincomplete on an assignment if I had to. And I probably would

have had to. I try to make myself comfortable on the couch as

I cal out instructions and feed her lines when needed.

You have to move more. You wouldnt stand stock stil,


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.

You cant turn your back to the audience. Just pivot on the

bals of your feet.

Dont just look at me, there are going to be lots of kids in theauditorium tomorrow you should make eye contact with as

many people as possible.

I know I am the only person heretry and pretend.

No, there should be a pause after that line. I have met

someone and then you wait for the audience to react. Try

counting to five before you continue.

You cant move your lips while youre counting, Kim.

Keep going, if you mess up the lines tomorrow just play

through it.

We have been at it for almost two hours when Jason and

Mandy walk in.

Whoops. We must have taken a wrong turn somewhere and

ended up in Marshals dreams. He pipes up as soon as he

sees Kim.

Mandy swats him. Come on, Jason. You said youd buy me

pizza.

So wel order in. He flops down into an easy chair with his

most obnoxious smile smeared across his face. We dont

want to miss a free show!

Take a hike, Jase. I am seriously considering dragging him

out of the room in the most painful way possible, but he must

have some smal sense of self preservation, because with only

a minimal amount of su estive-turned-cree winkin and


41/130

eyebrow wiggling he alows Mandy to tow him out the front

door.

Im sorry, about my brother. Hes wel, Im just sorry

about him.

Hes right though. Now I know exactly what my brothers

spastic eyes were saying and I wish he was right, but I am

pretty sure that isnt what Kim is referring too.

What about? Can she hear how nervous she makes me?

The pizza. We should order some foodI need to eat.

Good going, Henriesof course shes hungry it is after 7:00.

Mom is taking a night class at the community colege so wewere supposed to be in charge of our own dinner tonight. Of

course, Im sorry. Did you want pizza? There is a pretty good

Chinese place

First Wok? I love them.

I knew we were perfect for each other. Chinese it is.

By the time the doorbel rings with our dinner I am pretty

satisfied with Kims monologue. She is the hardest worker I

have ever met. Every time she messed up it was like I couldsee her brain rewinding and she would dive right back in. That

is my excuse for almost forgetting to feed her. I was that

absorbed in enjoying watching her work.

I love shrimp fried rice from First Wok. It is like magic.Tonight I barely taste it as I eat. Instead of concentrating on

my dinner I am entranced by Kim. She ordered beef and

broccoli over plain brown rice. I didnt even know you could

make rice more boring, but Kim succeeded. Shes beautiful. I

could watch her eat Chinese food al ni ht. Just like in


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everything else in life, Kim is perfect with chop sticks.

Normaly I would cave and grab a fork but I dont want to

embarrass myself in front of Kim, so I am suffering through

with chop sticks.

They sent forks too. Kim pushes the plastic ware towards

me.

Oh, Im fine.

Dont be dumb. You are making a mess.

Usualy a comment like this from Kim would bother me.

However recently I have come to the conclusion that Kim isnt

exactly rudeshes just more honest than is socialy

acceptable. Id rather use the chop sticks.

Why?

Okayit stil bothers me a little. I unwrap the plastic fork

before answering her. If you must know, I was trying toimpress you.

Why?

Instead of answering I just raise my eyebrows at her.

Wel I am more impressed by al the coaching youve given

me than by chopsticks. Even if you had been using them

correctly, which you werent.

Do you always end compliments with insults?

I dont know what you are talking about.

The crazy thing is that she looked like that was true. She realy

didnt realize there was anything wrong with her statement. I


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, .

There is something else we should discuss, you know

I know. I appreciated al the help. Please just let me know

how much I owe you. Hearing this, I take a few moments toremind myself that she isnt being intentionaly insulting. I dont

want your money, Kim.

Oh. Maybe we could trade. Tutoring for coaching?

No! Okay so I am having trouble hanging on to that socially

awkward excuse for her. What I mean Kim, is that I dont

need a tutor. I was going to ask you about your songfor

tomorrows audition.

Im going to sing when you wish upon a star. Why are you

looking at me that way? Should I pick something else?

No, Kim Penney. I think that wil be perfect. You just

surprised me thats al.

Is this your thing about whimsy again? She sounds so

disdainful that I choose to ignore her question.

Do you want to run through the song with me?

I am floored. Kim Penney is the most incredible singer. I

know I have heard this song before, but I dont remember it

ever being so powerful. If I were a chick I would even say I

was moved, but as I am a guy I wil stick with powerful. How

or why has she been keeping this a secret? Our school has a

fairly accomplished chorusshe should be a part of that.

Kim closes her eyes when she sings. On stage this is a bad

idea; here in my kitchen its great, because I can openly stare

at her al I want. Al the social rules of respecting a womans


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,caught me chasing Amy Miler around the playground when I

was four, fly out of my mind. Almost involuntarily, I find myself

closing the distance between us. I am only two steps away

from doing something realy dumblike stopping her song

with a kisswhen her cel phone buzzes to life next to us onthe table. I jump back away from her.

Its just Paul. Kim silences her phone, but the moment is

gone.

How creepy is it that I wish I had a recording of her singing to

me? If it is very creepy, please forget I mentioned it. Oh. I

wasnt sure you two were stil an item.

What? Oh yeah, of course we are.

Do you want me to give you some privacy? To cal him

back?

Oh no. He was just caling to check in. He does that every

couple of days.

Okaynormaly I would feel bad about making a play for

someone elses girl. But realyevery couple of days? And

she isnt exactly worried about caling him back. I have

decided that ignoring Pauls claim on her isnt worth losingsleep over. So sad, too bad buddy.

Marshal? Are you listening to me?

Crap. What? Oh, of course. What did you say?

I asked what you thoughtwil it be okay?

It takes me a minute, but I finaly figure out Kim is talking

about her song. It was perfect, Kim. You are an amazing

sin er.


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Chapter Five

I punched in for you twenty minutes ago. Mandy hisses at

me when I rush through the door at work.

Thanks. I got caught at auditions.

With Kim?

I am not sure if I should feel bad about that. I wish Jason hadnever told me about Mandys feelings. Kim was there, yes.

Im glad. She needs to have some fun. Mandy isnt facing

me. Shes piling plates onto her tray. So I cant see her

expression. I like Mandy a lot. I hope this isnt going to getweird.

I agree.

The rest of the afternoon is busy. Slices isnt very big, so it

doesnt take much to make us busy. Most of our orders arefor delivery or carryout, but we do have a smal dining room.

The tables are old, the chairs are mismatched, and there is

more than one strip of duct tape on the booths. None of that

matters much though, because the food is good and there is an

arcade area that is very popular with the middle school crowd.I stil hold the Ms. Pac-Man high score I set when I was

twelve. I wont tel you how many quarters and Friday

afternoons that cost me at the time, but I wil say that it was

totaly worth it.

Mandy and I work realy wel when we wait tables together. I

guess after doing it al summer we have developed kind of a

system. The tips are always better when we keep an eye on

each others sections. I am especialy appreciative for her help

today, because I am a little distracted.


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No matter how I try I cant seem to get Kim off my mind. Big

surprise right? I could tel she was nervous when she stepped

out on that stage today. But I bet I am the only one who could

tel. After watching her perform the same one minute bit overand over again I feel like I could spot her nervous from a mile

away. She did great, though. Her monologue was fine, but her

song was spectacular. I swear one minute that room was filed

with teenagers gossiping or practicing their own audition

pieces, and from Kims first note the whole room went silent.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day #2 (I am keeping #1 to

myself today): After Patterson thanks Kim she would have

jumped off the stage and run right to me. Id hug her and tell

her how awesome she did.

Its all thanks to you, Marshall. You are my hero.

Any time Kim Penney, any time. I would be so suave all

confident and smiling. She would let me leave one arm

wrapped around her shoulders as we walked to the parkinglot. My truck would be shiny and clean and have a FULL tank

of gas. In the truck she would slide to the middle so she could

lean into my shoulder while I drove.

In my fantasy I would not be rushing off to work. I think thatwe would be driving off into the sunset or something else

equally romantic.

In realityshe exited the stage on the opposite side from

where I was standing without so much as a glance in my

direction. I probably could have made it here on time, but I

waited around for Kim to come back, and she didnt. Why

does she do this to me? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I

let it matter so much? If I had any sense at al I would take

Claire up any one of her many invitations. Or at the very least


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.

***

I almost didnt stop at Kims locker this morning. I was almost

decided on walking right past and maybe even sitting in theback row during history. But then at the last moment I

remembered watching her with those damn chopsticks and for

whatever reason that made up my mind. So here I am waiting

and holding blueberry tea in a pink cup like an idiot.

Marshal! Kim looks genuinely surprised to see me. It is as

though this hasnt been my first stop every morning for more

than a week now.

Kim! I return her surprise a little mockingly, but hold out thetea anyway.

I thought wel I didnt think Id see you today.

Why is that?

Wel yesterday. Her sentence drops off and she smels

the cup. Why does she always seem to be so worried I am

going to poison her?

Yesterday I was late for work, because I wanted to watchyour audition. I finish for her.

Im sorry about that.

Sorry that you ran off without even acknowledging me? If

she is going to apologize I am al for forgiveness.

No. I am sorry I messed it up. You worked so hardI

pretty much blew it.

I am wavering between being angry that she doesnt feel bad


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about running off on me, and being wel whatever that

tenderness churning in my gut is. You didnt blow it, Kim. It

was good.

So you think I wil make the cast?

I am sure of it.

Good. Arent you ever late to class? I guess that is the end

of discussing yesterday.

Every morning, lately. Why? Are you worried about me?

Wel I dont think it is particularly responsible to walk into

class late.

Friday, Patterson wil be posting the cast list in the activities

halway before first period. Want to meet there? I ignore her

dig about responsibility.

Sure.

***

So? I turn around when I hear her; Kim is looking at me

looking at the list.

I have to admitIve already looked. I got here, and I tried

to wait for Kim but I couldnt help myself. I am super psyched

to be playing Benny. And I want to be happy for Kim, but I

am not at al sure how shes going to take the news. In some

ways Kim is very unpredictable.

Wel. You made the list! I offer her my biggest smilethe

one I use on mom to get out of doing the dishes on casserole

night.


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.high school girls are very vocal and demonstrative when it

comes to wel everything. Not Kim. I used to think that she

only experienced various shades of staid and responsible, but

now I know there is a whole rainbow of human emotion hiding

in there.

Good. Thanks, Marshal. She turns to walk away. I wil

probably never figure this girl out.

Dont you want to know what part you got?

Oh. Of course. She stops and turns to face me again. I

swear this is the first time that has occurred to her. Like she

never thought past actualy making it to the list.

Trish. You are playing Trishthats Pattersons version of

Beatrice. Do you remember how I was teling you that I like

when Kim Penney does things that surprise me? Wel, that isnt

always true.

Surprise. Kim drops her bag on the floor and flies into thegirls bathroom.

After a smal amount of hesitation (it is the girls room after al)

I pick up her bag and folow her in. A girl so short that she

must be in the ninth grade is standing at the sink. She takesone look at me and runs out faster than a scared rabbit. There

is a flushing noise. Kim? I try not to cal too loudly.

This is the ladies room. Kims voice seems to be coming

from the last stal; the metal door is hanging open. Lookingdown, I can see her rubber-soled-low-heeled-lunch-lady

shoes sticking out the door. From the position of her feet and

legs I am sure she is kneeling on the floor.

I am aware of that. Can I come in there?


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There is realy only room for one.

I take a chance and swing the door open wider. Sure enough

she is kneeling with her head over the toilet like she is going to

puke, or maybe she already did.

I dont take up as much room as you might think. Whats the

matter?

I cant be Beatrice.

Technicaly, you are Trish. Not even a chuckle. The school

bathrooms are pretty clean, but I stil wouldnt want to be

kneeling on the floor in oneso I pul off my hoodie and push

it under her knees. Do you want me to get the school nurse?

No. Im done.

Did you throw up?

Obviously. She shoots me a mean look. At least sarcastic isbetter than crying. Sometimes I do that when Im nervous, or

stressed, or sad, or wel you get the point.

Im starting to. A thought is growing in my mind. Is this why

you ran off on after your audition?

Yup. Shes blushing red, but that is better than the shade of

green she was a moment ago.

Wel thats a relief. I thought you were avoiding me.

Dont be ridiculous. I cant be Beatrice. What is Mr.

Patterson thinking?

Probably, that this is a musical and that you are the most

phenomenal singer that tried out.


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Im not a good actress.

You arent a bad actress. Im teling you, you were good.

And that was with only one night to prepare.

This is a disaster! Kim gets up off the floor and goes to the

sink where she washes her hands and splashes water over her

face. We should go. The bel is going to ring soon.

Youre sure you dont want to go to the nurse? She stillooks a little green to me.

Very sure. Thank you, Marshal.

Im not even sure what she is thanking me for. Youre

welcome.


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Chapter Six

Dave and Steve both offer me the obligatory high five when I

got to Brit Lit. Dave must have seen the list even before I got

to school.

Bennygood going, man. This is your big break. Dave is

talking and Steve is bobbing his head up and down in

agreement.

Yeah, man. Good going. Steve puts in.

Thanks guysbut dont you think you are over doing it a

bit. I dont want to sound ungracious but Ive had a lot of

good roles. They are laughing at me now.

We are talking about The Professor, dude! Steve finaly

stopped laughing. and the two of you practicing al that Steve

finishes his sentence my squishing his lips together and making

loud smacking kissing sounds.

We are going to practice being fish? I dont see how that wil

help the play. I am rescued from finishing that conversation

by Ms. Parker caling rol.

The truth is that even though I havent read Pattersonsversion yet I know there wil be at least one Benny/Trish kiss.

There has to be. And while I am not against the idea of

locking lips with Kim Penney, I am a little wary of our first kiss

happening on stage in front of a couple hundred people.

Maybe I wil just have to man-up and kiss her before the on-stage kiss becomes a problem maybe.

Kim was preoccupied each time I saw her for the rest of the

day. I was prepared to wait and talk to her after European

Historysince its the last class of the day. But she had al her


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things packed up in record time and she bolted out the door

as soon as the bel rang. So I went to the theater room alone to

pick up my script. Everyone was supposed to pick up a script

and read it over the weekend before our first rehearsal on

Monday.

Now Im home and al I want to do is pop some popcorn and

start reading. (al the while praying it isnt as awful as I

suspect).

Hey, Marshal. Spinning around away from the microwave,

where Ive been watching the bag of popcorn expand, I find

Mandy standing in the doorway.

Hey, Mandy. What can I do for you?

umm is Jason here? I cant help but wonder if that is just

an excuse. She spends an awful lot of time with my brother to

not know hes got a week of detentions.

No. Sorry. Hes in detentionsomething about destructionof school property. I mentioned that he is a barbarian, right?

Mandy broke into a wide laughing grin. She is very pretty. I

bet Kim would look amazing if I could get her to grin that

way. I forgot. He wasnt trying to be destructive realy, you

know.

With Jason? One can never be too sure.

Its true. Do you know Abram? Hes in Jasons grade.

Cant say I do.

Oh. Wel hes kind of shy, and I guess a lot of people pick on

him. So yesterday somebody stole fanny pack


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Mandy giggled. I knowwel thats probably part of why he

gets picked on. He carries emergency alergy medicine in

there. But anyway, somebody thought it would be funny to

hide it above the ceiling tiles in a classroom. So Jason stackedup a couple of desks and climbed them to get it down.

That doesnt sound very destructive.

Wel after he tossed the bag down to Abram he decided todo a little dance on top of al those desks a couple of them

broke when he fel.

That does sound like Jason. Im surprised he got in so much

trouble though, considering the circumstances.

Oh. He didnt tel the principal about Abrams bag.

Technicaly Abram is supposed to leave it with the school

nurse in the mornings. But I guess hes pretty scared of having

a reaction and not being able to get to his medicine.

I have to admit itIm a little proud of my usualy annoying

kid brother. Cool. I make a mental note to give mom and

dad this side of the story. Maybe he doesnt need to be

grounded on top of al those detentions.

Yeah. He is. Wel tel him I stopped by, or whatever. Mandy

waves as she walks out the door. Its too bad she isnt into

Jason. She is clearly a good influence on him.

Its open! I yel when I hear the doorbel ring. I just gotcomfortable on the couch with the popcorn bowl balanced on

my chest. It isnt my fault if Jason forgot his key, and is too

dumb to try the knob.

Helo? At the sound of Kims voice I spring off the couch.


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,

upside down on the coffee table. Mom is going to kil me.

Marshal, are you home? Kims face appears around the

corner.

Umm sure Kim. Im home. Obviously dude, I think tomyself, she has eyes after al. Beautiful eyes. Realy beautiful

eyes.

Marshal?

Im sorry Kim. Did you need something? I get busy cleaning

up the popcorn mess.

I didnt get into Brown.

Again with the different conversations. Okay. Thats it. That

is al I can think to say. You might want to give me more to go

on.

I applied to Brown for early acceptance. The interviews were

a couple weeks ago. I didnt get in. She kneels down to helpme with the popcorn.

Okay. Wel Brown is probably pretty hard to get into. And it

is just early acceptanceYou could stil get accepted.

Paul got in. Paul got early acceptance.

Ive mentioned my less than awesome opinion of Paul Arnold

right? Wel everyone is different, Kim. And Paul is a year

ahead of us right? I am sure things change from one year to

the next.

I need to be more creative. Thats what she said. My

application is too one-sided. I need a more creative

extracurricular. Apparently she would like to see me loosen up


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.

Shes not the only one. A light bulb finaly flickers to life above

my head. So you figured you would try out for the play. Be

creative.

Paul said it would be the easiest. Just stand up there and say

a couple of lines, sing a song if you want to. Boy was he

wrong. Her imitation of Paul makes me want to drive to

Rhode Island and punch him in the nosehard. Easy?! Wel

he may have a skewed impression of the theater. But it iscreative. It wil help with your applications.

Except I cant do it. I barely made it through my monologue

in front of 25 students. I cant be onstage for two hours! I

thought I could maybe be an extra or something. Sing backup.

Nobody with your voice should ever be singing back up,

Kim.

There is nothing else available for the fal semester.

What? Man she loses me quick. And I was realy working

hard at not being distracted by the extra strands of hair that

escaped her braid and are curling down one side of her face.

I went to the office this afternoon. I was going to sign up for

something else. But everything is ful! I have to do the stupid

play.

I just read itit isnt that bad.

She shoots me a look that says she isnt in the mood to joke

around. Her looks are right on par with Daves snorts.

I need you, Marshal. Oops. Did I slip into fantasy mode?

Are ou oin to hel me or not? If I dont do the la I


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wont be able to go to Brown with Paul next year. Oh. Not a

fantasy. Imaginary Kim never asks me to help her get closer to

Paul.

Sure, Kim. Il help you. She is squirming a little and lookingat me strangely.

Is there something else?

Wel I might need a lot of help.

I remember how stiff she was when wed first started

practicing her monologue. The memory makes me smile. No

might about it.

Thanks. I kind of like when she is sarcastic. It is almostteasing, which everybody knows is practicaly flirting. Wel I

wanted to offer to pay you, but that made you mad last time. I

dont want to make you mad.

Wel I guess not wanting to make me mad is as good a placeas any to start.

What are you talking about?

Please dont make me explain, Kim. If you wanted to, I am

very sure you could figure it out for yourself. And anyway I stildont want your money. I am thinking of more of a trade.

What class do you need help in?

I want to tel Kim my GPA, but bragging seems a little childish.I realy wish mom was stil in the habit of hanging my

particularly impressive test scores on the fridge. It is too bad

Jason complained about the unequal fridge representation a

couple years ago. Like it is my fault he does his homework in

front of the TV.


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Im not talking about classes Kim. Her eyes go wide. Crap.

I wasnt talking about that either. I meant a trade of time. Il

coach you for the play, and once a week you have to do

something with me. Something fun, of my choosing.

I dont know. She sounds suspicious, but also a little

intrigued. Good let her be intrigued. It wont hurt my cause

any to have her thinking about me a little extra. What kind of

fun?

The fun kind, Kim. I rol my eyes at her. Have I given you

any reason to distrust me?

No. Of course that isnt what I meant.

So, when do you want to start? Al the popcorn is picked up

by now so I dump it into the garbage and get busy washing

out the bowl while I pretend like her agreeing to spend time

with me isnt the most important thing to ever happen in my

life.

Is yesterday too soon?

Another joke Kim Penney? If you arent careful you might

start to enjoy having me around. I turn around to look her in

the eyes and lean back against the sink. Today Kim is wearinga tan sweater over her brownish khaki pants. She is so pretty.

Im probably grinning like an idiot right now, but I dont care.

I usualy do. And then you go and say stuff like that to

confuse me.

Tomorrow, Kim. We can work on your lines tomorrow. I

have to work until 7:00; can you come over about 7:30?

Chapter Seven


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Bac aga n, K m Better e care u, Mars a Man y s

going to get jealous. Jason is his regular idiot self as he walks

into the living room on Sunday afternoon. Kim was here until

almost midnight last night reading through lines and she came

back today right after lunch.

Dont you have something better to do Jason?

Not realy. He looks like he is planning on sitting down, but

eventualy he spins around and goes back the way he came.

Are you and Mandy Johnson dating? Kim wants to know.

Would that be a problem for you?

No. But I dont want her to be unnecessarily jealous.

Unnecessarily? She is just staring down at her script. Like

she didnt hear me. Wel thats fine. I wil pretend I didnt say it

. She lives down the street, and our parents are friends.

Mandy, Jason, and I grew up together. We are al friends

Jason is just a drama queen.

Okay then.

What does that mean? Okay then Im glad youre available?

Okay then I can see why Mandy isnt interested in you afteral? Okay then maybe you and I should get together and live

happily forever after?

Helo? Marshal? Kim is waving her script in front of my face.

My bad, Kim. I was distracted. Where were we?

Actualy, I should probably go. I need to eat.

I could get us some dinner. It is a little early stil for dinner,

bit if Kim is hun r that is a stu id reason for me to let her


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leave.

No. I have other homework anyway. Il see you tomorrow?

Sure. In our first official rehearsal.

And in European History, Chemistry, and Calculus.

In between laughs I agree and tel her to have a good evening.

I wish this had been a date. If it had I would be able to say it

was my best date ever. Also if it had been a date I would havekissed her good night. This would have solved another of my

problems because, as it turns out, Benny and Trish have two

on-stage kisses.

***

So, Kim. Are you al set for our date tomorrow? Kim and I

are walking to the parking lot after European History on the

Friday of the best and worst week of my life.

Every day this week we have gotten together to run lines and

work on her movements. Even on the two days that we had

regular rehearsals Kim insisted on practicing a little longer

afterwards. Being with her is a total roler coaster ride. One

minute I am fighting the urge wrap my arms around her, and

the next minute something she says has me mad enough to

spit. Now its Friday, and I have to work a long shift tonight at

Slices. Tomorrow Kim and I have our first fun night planned.

It isnt a date.

Oh. No, that was just a figure of speech. I have been

reminding myself al week that it wasnt a datedidnt seem to

work though.

What do you want to do?


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Its a surprise, Kim. I promise it wil be fun. We have come

to a stop in front of her car. Il pick you up at 2:00. Wear

sneakers, okay?

***

I am standing on Kims front porch and I am five minutes late.

Kim Penney Fantasy of the Day #1: I ring the doorbell and

Kims mom or dad or even a butler answers. (I know thebutler thing is rather unlikely but the point is that I dont care

who opens the door) As soon as I walk in I can see Kim at

the top of a flight of stairs.

She is wearing the quintessential little black date dress. Iactually have no idea why it is so quintessential, but Mom says

all girls have one. And while I could care less about it being

black I am totally on board with it being little.

She does a slow motion descent and upon reaching the

bottom step I hand her what? A corsage? Too cheesy. A

bouquet of flowers? Still cheesy.

My heart?--- whoa Henries dont get ahead of yourself! You

dont like her that much. Hell, sometimes you dont even like

her at all

Are you alright? Kim Penney sticks her head out the door.

Shes wearing a white polo shirt and another pair of khakis.

Oh wel, the dress would have been ridiculous for what I have

planned anyway.

Oh. Hi, Kim. I was just about to knock.

Youve been out here for like fifteen minutes.


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,

bel. Im not saying that Im nervous, because of course this

isnt a date. But I was suddenly very worried that she wont

appreciate my idea of fun. I want to take her somewhere new.

Somewhere Paul would never have even thought of.

Dont exaggerate, Kimare you ready to go? I smile my

best not-at-al-nervous smile and gesture in the direction of my

truck. It felt dumb driving it the 40

or so feet from my driveway to hers, but it would have felteven less like a date if I hadnt picked her up.

Are you trying to hurt my feelings? I ask in as teasing a tone

as I can muster. We have been driving for twenty minutes and

the most shes said was to ask me if she could turn the heat upa little.

Why would you ask that?

You arent talking.

Neither are you.

Touch. So can we agree that you arent trying to make me

feel guilty for blackmailing you into spending time with me?

I have no idea how to respond to that. Kim huffs out her

answer and turns even further away from me. Now she is

staring out of the passenger window.

Okay. Lets try this again. Tel me something about yourself

Kim, please?

What do you want to know?

Everything! I try and laugh it off like Im exaggerating. How

aboutwhat do ou want to be when ou row u ? A


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balerina? A princess? She is stil unimpressed with my teasing,

but at least she is looking at me now.

A lawyer.

Huh, I should have guessed. She arches her eyebrows at

me. Oops. Alright, why a lawyer? She shrugs. They are the

second highest paid group of federal workers, and privately

they sometimes make even more. Plus with the way our

economy fluxuates it is one of the few fields left with plenty ofjob security.

Wait. Job security?

Thats what I said. Why? What do you want to do?

Wel, the drama club isnt

Smile for Me - T.J. Dell

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Transcript of Smile for Me - T.J. Dell