Powell River Coaching workshop

Emma Van der Klift

Coaching Happens in Conversation

BROADREACH Training & Resources

www.broadreachtraining.com



AGENDA 8:30–9:00 Discussion (what are your issues?)9:00–9:30 Concreteness, Empathy, Confrontation and Respect9:30–10:00 Practice in dyads (coaching goal – self-management

through listening and curiousity)10:00–10:15 Break10:15–10:45 Demonstration and discussion (Coaching Happens

in Conversations - people bring their whole selves to work – coaching the whole employee)

10:45–11:00 Review – Presence – developing yourself and maintaining equilibrium in the face of anxiety self-awareness - identifying your triggers and setting yourself a coaching goal

11:00-12:00 Practice – dyads and tag team12:00-3:00 Lunch3:00–4:30 Tag team coach me and discussion (who is

coachable, gaining commitment, dealing with resistance, making a contract) Employee evaluation of you.



COACHING

Coaching is not about imposing skills training…

Fundamentally, it is about learning to be with people as they navigate through their world and finding key moments when they are most open to learning.



COACHING

Coaching is not a substitute for performance management.



COACHING

• CONCRETENESS• EMPATHY• CONFRONTATION• RESPECT



• CONCRETENESS: meansinviting the client to get more specific about the issue.

• EMPATHY: is your effort to show that you understand your client’s concerns.

• CONFRONTATION: means pointing out discrepancies between what the client is saying and what she actually does.

• RESPECT: goes beyond holding the client in high regard or admiring her qualities. It has to do with having a deep belief that she has the capacity and the resources to handle and resolve the situation.



Listen, follow your curiousity about the issue, and constantly restate for clarity.

LISTENING



LISTENING

“We all want, above all, to be heard -- but not merely to be heard. We want to be understood -- heard for what we think we are saying, for what we know we meant.”

Deborah Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand



FEEDBACK• Reflect meaning and/or feelings• Summarize• Reframing

VALIDATION• Acknowledge the concern as reasonable

CURIOSITY• Clarify assumptions• Ask open ended questions

LISTENING



3 PITFALLS OF LISTENING

1. Avoid the word, “Why?”

2. DO NOT listen and persuade at the same time.

“I know that you…, but I …”

3. Validation = Condonation/



COACHING HAPPENS IN CONVERSATIONS

• You must tell people what coaching is, and enlist their agreement

• You can tell when it’s been successful – people are empowered and enabled



• Danger in compartmentalizing

• Look at people as whole – work, family, personal and social concerns

PEOPLE BRING THEIR WHOLE SELVES TO WORKPEOPLE BRING THEIR WHOLE SELVES TO WORK



One of the biggest mistakes that managers make is seeing people as ordinary just because they are doing ordinary jobs, and therefore they expect ordinary things from them.

Hargrove

PEOPLE BRING THEIR WHOLE SELVES TO WORKPEOPLE BRING THEIR WHOLE SELVES TO WORK



Presence means bringing your self when you coach: your values, passion, creativity, emotion, and discerning judgment to any given moment with a client. Your resourcefulness and authenticity are crucial dimensions of your work.

PRESENCE



Coaches must build skills in two arenas when developing their clients:

• the courage to speak and command attention and • the ability to take a back seat.

PRESENCE



• Identify and sustain a goal for yourself in each coaching session

• Manage yourself in the midst of ambiguity

• Increase your tolerance for the reactivity within you and in others around you

• Bring immediacy to the moment

STRENGTHEN YOUR PRESENCE BY:



KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS:

• Being challenged by a dominating person

• Receiving requests from a highly dependent person

• Being challenged by a resistant person

• Time pressures• Facing high rates of change



KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS:

Realize that you will go on automatic when your stress is high

Some clues:• Spine dissolves into jelly• Become as rigid as a stone wall• Lose empathy• Over-identify



KNOW YOUR TRIGGERS:

What to do:• Identify the trigger to your

reactivity• Learn your typical reaction to

that trigger• Choose an alternative response

to pursue a different path (self talk)

• Stay on track with the goal you have set for yourself



It is not possible for a manager to split her awareness of an employee into two areas:

a “this is just feedback” area and

a “this is how i judge your performance” area.

FEEDBACK & PERFORMANCEFEEDBACK & PERFORMANCE



The most intolerable state is the absence of acknowledgement. William James



PULLING THE WAGON

If you have ever found yourself working harder than your client on her problem, you know viscerally what it is like to take on more than you should (pulling the wagon up the hill).



Encourage client responsibility,not rescue. Sustain a belief in your client’s resourcefulness. Support the primary relationship between the client and his challenge, whatever or whoever that challenge may be.

With heart and backbone(being compassionate and firm), keep turning your client back to face her own challenge.

RESPONSIBILITY, NOT RESCUERESPONSIBILITY, NOT RESCUE



Giving high-quality feedback doesn’t have to do with a skill or technique: it has to do with caring enough about people to tell it like it is.

Hargrove

RESPONSIBILITY, NOT RESCUERESPONSIBILITY, NOT RESCUE

Powell River Coaching workshop

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