Passive, Aggressive and Assertive RA/CC

Behavior http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO2KE

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• By the end of the session RAs will be able to: o Describe assertive statements o Describe consequence statements o Employ assertive statements in interacting with students o Employ consequence statements in interacting with

students • Identify the characteristics of passive, aggressive,

and assertive behavior • Explore assertiveness techniques and tips for future

use in their staff position

Presenter

Presentation Notes

There are three basic interpersonal styles that we can use when interacting with people. These are: passive/non-aggressive, aggressive and assertive. The relationship between these three interpersonal interaction styles is demonstrated in the figure below. Take a look at the continuum graph. Did you think that behaving assertively would actually be at the extreme right-end of this spectrum rather than in the middle?

General Behavior • Does not stand up for their rights • Tendency to say yes to situations,

whether they agree with them or not

• Opinions often disregarded, because they may be spoken in a non-confident and apologetic manner

• Rights are negatively impacted, because they may not express honest feelings, thoughts, and beliefs

• Look to avoid conflict and appease others

Tone/Non-Verbals • Voice tone may be too quiet

and without appropriate inflection. It may be monotone

• Eye contact may be indirect, where an individual does not look another individual in the eye

• May cross their arms uncomfortably and loosely, slump down, or wring their hands

General Behavior • Goal is often domination. • One individual's rights take

precedent over the rights of another

• May involve an attack on a person verses their behavior

• Communication disrespects and devalues another individual, along with their thoughts, ideas and opinions

Tone/Non-Verbal • Voice tone is often loud,

harsh, shrill or hostile • Eye contact is often glaring,

eyes may be piercing, lips may be pressed together, and fists may be clenched

• May invade another person's personal space, with arms crossed tightly around the chest

General Behavior • One individual is able to

communicate their needs, desires and expectations, while still respecting another individual's rights.

• Individuals give and get respect from others that they interact with.

• Communication is fair and allows for compromise when in conflict.

• Communicates respect for another person, although not necessarily support for another person's behavior.

Tone/Non-Verbal • Voice tone is expressive, calm

and clear. • Eye contact is direct, and an

appropriate amount of personal space is maintained.

• Straight and relaxed posture that is not threatening.

Instructions: • Complete the individual assertiveness assessment

and tally the score at the bottom • Once everyone has completed, get into a small

group and discuss: o Did anything about your results surprise you? o Have you seen the results of assessment in your student

staff member position?

• Control emergency/crisis situations • Clear and straight forward • Change the behavior not the person • Changes behavior quickly and effectively

Assertive Statements are: 1. A non-blameful description of the behavior. 2. The effects of this behavior. 3. An action statement of what you want to happen.

Example: Simon, the noise is too loud for quiet hours (1). It could be

disturbing to others (2). Please turn it down (3)

Scenario 1: It is 10:30pm (after quiet hours) and you are on rounds. You approach the resident common area that is occupied by a group of residents, all of which are talking loudly and playing World of Warcraft. Having received a call from several other residents that are trying to sleep/study you need to ask them to quiet down. Turn to your partner and practice asking the residents to bring down the noise level to respect other residents. What would you do if they resisted?

Scenario 2:

You are walking into your building and you see a resident smoking right outside of the building. Turn to your partner and practice assertively asking the resident to move 25 feet from the building. What would you do if they ignored you?

Scenario 3:

You are returning from class and notice a group of residents playing soccer in the hallway. One of the participants is one of your closest friends. How would you approach these residents in a respectful/assertive way?

Instructions: 1. Find a partner 2. Take 3 minutes to discuss your response to the prompt below 3. Does your response match with your assessment results?

Prompt: How often have you been asked by someone to go and see a dreadful movie that you really don’t want to see? How do you normally react? (choose one response) • You politely refuse in a positive way. • You say that you'd like to go, but you’re doing something else. • You're really pleased to be asked and accept as you can’t face the backlash from your

friend if you don’t. • You want to refuse but accept because you don't want to be rude. • You say “It depends on who else is going". • You say “I’ve already seen that."

• How do you use assertiveness in your position?

• Keep a calm voice • Repeat the point • Be clear. Vagueness can lead to misunderstandings and may place

you in an awkward position • Be prepared to say no – firmly and clearly • Don't be drawn into arguments • Do not threaten someone • Do not get emotionally involved • Do not swear or behave inappropriately • Use reflective listening skills • Keep eye contact, use a firm tone of voice, be positive • Be aware that body language gives off clear messages

"Confrontation can be stressful and scary. Successful confrontation skills are learned, and they are made

better with practice. Remember that due to situational and personality issues, being assertive will not always allow you to obtain your desired results.

Most likely it will, and if it doesn't, you will at least leave the confrontation with your respect and dignity

in place, with no focus on your behavior as a staff member in the halls."

Johnson, T., McKelfresh, D., Moistner-Bartlett, K., Scanlon, T

Gagnon, D. (n.d.) Assertiveness training: How to become more assertive in order to maximize the chance of getting what you want. Retrieved December 18, 2012 from www.montrealcbtpsychologist.com

Johnson, T., McKelfresh, D., Moistner-Bartlett, K., Scanlon, T. Reslife.net.

Assertiveness and confrontation. Retrieved December 18, 2012, from http://www.reslife.net/html/tools_0800a.html

Lloyd, S.R., (2005), TG and Associates. Developing positive assertiveness

- practical techniques for personal success. Retrieved December 18, 2012 from http://www.tgassociates.com/freetipsheets/HO-assertquiz.asp