50 Tips on Excellent Communication for LifePART 4.Presented By:

Tim Ervin

Counseling for Solutions, LLC

9. Forget Your Position and StatusPeople don’t open their hearts to those who look down on them. Avoid using power, status and authority to get what you want. Using power hurts the communication model by blocking good feedback.

10. Quit Reacting Based on Your Assumptions about OthersMind reading and reading between the lines are a bad anchor for good reactions. To be an effective communicator always clearly restate the message you think the sender is trying to imply, by telling him e.g. “So are you trying to say….” or “So you mean I should.. (so and so)”

11. Don’t Accept lack of Responsive FeedbackThis is when the receiver person sends an incomplete message. Pin it down by asking questions like: “how, when, who, why, where, etc..” , or simply ask him to repeat the message again because you don’t understand. Never allow an incomplete feedback to pass, nor confirm understanding it.

12. Avoid Mixed MessagesThis is a situation where a person receiving verbal or nonverbal cues seem to contradict each other. Typical reactions to this behavior are confusion, anger, lack of trust and a willingness to cease communication with the other person.

Avoid Mixed Messages• For example, thanking someone while you look angry. Or asking someone for a favor with a warning tone in your voice. Or sticking your hand to salute someone and looking in a different direction.

• Also words with double meanings could carry mixed messages.

Examples of Funny MixedMessages on the Road/ Media

13. Don’t Accept Stereotyping• Stereotyping is when you judge a group of people who are different from you based on your own and/or others’ opinions and experiences.

• It blocks good relations from initiating and is a barrier to trust.

14. Beware of Selective Perception

Selective perception happens when you become biased to your own preconception and intentionally disregard or dismiss the other person's views.

15. Dwell on Eye ContactIn human beings, eye contact is a form of nonverbal communication and is known to have a large influence on social behavior. For example, when two or more individuals talk, the person that talks is used to being looked at. Therefore, making eye contact is making other people expect conversation.

Dwell on Eye ContactEye contact and facial expressions provide important social and emotional information. People, perhaps without consciously doing so, probe each other's eyes and faces for positive or negative mood signs. In some contexts, the meeting of eyes trigger strong emotions and reactions.

Dwell on Eye ContactA person's direction and gaze may indicate to others where his/her attention lies.

Studies suggest that eye contact has a positive impact on the retention and recall of information and promotes better understanding.

When is it OK not to have eye contact?

While humans obtain useful information from looking at the face of the person they are listening to; it may be unhelpful to look at faces when trying to concentrate and process something else that's mentally demanding. Also strangers in close proximity, such as a crowd, avoid eye contact in order to help maintain their privacy.

16. Be in Control of Your Facial Expressions

We 'say' things through our facial expressions revealing its underlying feelings and attitudes.

Facial expressions are critical while giving and getting feedback.

Be in Control of Your Facial Expressions

Micro Expressions: These are the very quick subconscious expressions on your face which reveal some real impressions you have; these are very difficult to control and could easily pass by the receiver without noticing.

Be in Control of Your Facial ExpressionsMacro- Expression: these are longer lasting on the face than the micro expressions and are voluntarily controlled by the brain.

Can You Tell which are the fake smiles?

“Sincerity is impossible unless it pervades the whole being, and the pretense of it saps the very foundation of character.”

James Russell LowellAmerican Romantic poet

17. Follow Your Hand GesturesThe quicker and more emphatic the gesture of a hand is the more likely it is to be perceived as aggressive. How a signal is used is often as important as the signal itself.It is very easy for hand signals to be misinterpreted even amongst close friends, so follow the feedback you get to make sure you are sending the right signals.

Wishing Good Luck

Stop- That’s Enough

All’s Cool/ Safe

Stay AwayA OK - PerfectI am Confident/SureThat’s Great

V for Victory

Come Here (Summoning)

That’s Bad

Do you Understand?

Bring it on- Let’s Fight

Curse/ Ward off Evil

Stop- Calm Down

Hurry Up

18. Watch Your Body PostureThe way you stand, walk or sit gives a non-verbal message of what you are feeling or thinking, for example:

Gesture: Brisk, erect walkMeaning: Confidence

Gesture: Standing with hands on hipsMeaning: Readiness, aggression

Watch Your Body PostureGesture: Sitting, legs apartMeaning: Open, relaxed

Gesture: Arms crossed on chestMeaning: Defensiveness

Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunchedMeaning: Dejection

Watch Your Body PostureGesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightlyMeaning: Boredom

Gesture: Hands clasped behind backMeaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension

Implications of Seated Postures

Examples of Standing Postures

19. Learn the Right ProxemicsThe amount of space that people find comfortable between themselves and others. You must be aware of the kind of relationship someone is trying to initiate with you by the space s/he is trying to maintain. Also you can send messages to others in the same way.

Learn the Right ProxemicsThere are five distinct space zones, which were originally identified by Edward T. Hall, and which remain the basis of personal space analysis today as we shall learn in the following slides.

Learn the Right Proxemics

1. Close intimate: 0-15cm or 0-6in; this kind of space is suitable for lovers, physical touching relationships such as child-parent relationship.

Sometimes included with the 2nd zone, although this is a markedly different zone in certain situations, for example face-to-face contact with close friends rarely encroaches within 6 inches.

Learn the Right Proxemics2. Intimate: 15-45cm or 6-18in; suitable for physical touching relationships.

Usually reserved for intimate relationships and close friendships, but also applies during close activities such as contact sports, in crowded places such as parties, queues and entertainment events. Non-consenting intrusion into this space is normally felt to be uncomfortable at best, or very threatening and upsetting at worst.

Learn the Right Proxemics

3. Personal: 45-120cm or 18in-4ft; suitable for family and close friends

Touching is possible in this zone, but intimacy is off-limits. Hence touching other than hand-shaking is potentially uncomfortable.

Learn the Right Proxemics

4. Social- consultative: 1.2-3.6m or 4-12ft; suitable for non-touch interaction, social, business occasions.

Significantly hand-shaking is only possible within this zone only if both people reach out to do it. Touching is not possible unless both people wish to do so.

Learn the Right Proxemics

5. Public 3.6m+ or 12ft+; suitable when you don’t wish to interact, or incase someone wants to ignore another person.

People establish this zone space when they seek to avoid interaction with others nearby. When this space is intruded by another person it could create discomfort for someone who wishes to stay away or an expectation of interaction for others.

20. Play with Color PsychologyScientific research has proven the various impacts of colors to the brain: here’s a quick view of how you can receive and transmit messages through using color-impacts (as in event themes, clothes, etc..)

Play with Color PsychologyBlue indicates confidence, reliability and responsibility. It relates to one-to-one communication rather than mass communication.

Green is associated with nature, health and healing, creating a sense of compassion and nurturing.

Purple conveys integrity, deep sincerity and stimulates creativity and intuition.

Play with Color PsychologyRed conveys a sensation of energy, passion, action, strength and excitement.

Orange is an informal, vibrant and extrovert- type color. It gives a sense of sociability.

Yellow stimulates the mind and mental activity, It increases the analytical processes and our logical reasoning.

Play with Color PsychologyPink relates to compassion, warmth, hope and understanding, so many charities choose to use it as a major component of their marketing program.

White is calming as it creates simplicity, independency, organization and efficiency. It clears the way forward.

Black is intimidating and controlling, although it’s power can instill confidence in some as being seen as sophisticated, dignified and serious…

Play with Color PsychologyGray suggests security, reliability, modesty and maturity. It can imply that you are not ready to make decisions.

Brown suggests endurance, duty and stability. It relates to the outdoors, the practical and being down-to-earth.