Life on the Edge the Power of Taking Personal Responsibility

8/3/2019 Life on the Edge the Power of Taking Personal Responsibility

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INTRODUCTION In his bookMan for Himself, Eric Fromm, M.D.,

beautifully sums up the concept of personalresponsibility: Man must accept responsibility forhimself and the fact that only by using his own power,can he give meaning to his life.

You have this God-given power. It is up to you how you

use it. And you are personally responsible for how yourlife turns out to be.


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TAKING PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITYYOUR LIFES ACHIEVEMENTS START AND END WITH

YOU. You define what success means to you. You want it.You go for it. You achieve it or you dont. You arepersonally responsible.

Once you realize and accept the vital principle of takingpersonal responsibility for how your life turns out, your life

will never be the same. You stop blaming others for yourfailures and disappointments. You start working on yourselfto be the kind of person you want to be.


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Taking personal responsibility for your life requires

supreme courage. It can be very painful at any age. But thepay-off is a tremendous sense of freedom and personalpower.

Your sense of personal responsibility and your ability to

take control over your life puts you in charge of your lifeand your future. Without these, you will see yourself as avictim of circumstances, unable to take or accomplish anymore than what others are willing to give. Personal

responsibility means: IF ITS TO BE, ITS UP TO ME.Taking personal responsibility and exercising self-control aretruly the hall mark of an achiever.


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Victim Attitude The tendency to blame others or circumstances when things

are not going well is the hallmark of a most devastatingvictim attitude. Such people rarely own responsibility for theirindividual problems. When something goes wrong in theirrelationships or at work, they usually find someone else to blame.

Here are some typical statements:* It was not my fault that I was not prepared for the

meeting. After all, they never give enough notice.

* How was I suppose to know I had to submit this report in a

week. He should have told me;* Why didnt you remind me it was so important;

* If only you had warned me, that wouldnt have happened.

The bottom line of all statements is: It is someone else, fault, and I

am not responsible.


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Being a Blamer Blaming others for ones problem or troubles and making

excuses can lead to this dangerous downhill spiral:

1. Blame Other

Its your fault.2. Sees life as beyond personal control

My life could be better f it were not for ---

3. Feels like a victim of circumstances

If only that did not happen, then

4. Gives up

Nothing will ever work for me. Why try


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People devise ingenious ways, perhaps unconsciously, to

protect themselves and avoid any change in their lives. Theyremain passive and helpless victims. The cause of theirbehavior , they believe, is something or someone other thanthemselves. They wait for others or external circumstances

to change or shape their lives.

The attitude of blaming reinforces the belief that life is outof control and that others or circumstances determine

how things are going to be. This attitude causes muchinner turmoil, creating anxiety and feelings of helplessness.


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Living in the Past People who do not take personal responsibility tend to live in

the past. Frequently, you will hear them say, If only I haddone or not done such and such, things would have beendifferent.

If only can be very destructive to reaching your goals and atcrucial times can stop you from moving ahead.If only:

I had finished my graduation;

I had chosen different career;

I hadnt married that good-for-nothing husband of mine; The company had to merged;

I lived in a different neighborhood;

I had been born into this environment.

The past continues to haunt these people, even when it has no relevanceto the present.


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Exercise Complete this sentence:

If only it werent for ___________________ my lifewould really be great.

Using if only gives you the luxury of making yourself ahelpless and passive responder to lifes events.


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Check your Victim Quotient Do I whine and complain about all the things that are wrong atwork/school? Do I feel sorry for myself because of my work/school situation? Do I worry a lot about my work/school situation?

Am I constantly projecting whats going to happen to me and myjob/studies? Do I dramatize events at work/school and blow them out of

proportion? Do I blame other people at work/school for my unhappiness?

Do I resent other people with whom I work or go to school with? Do I try to manipulate those around me? Am I in constant search of approval at work/school? Do I constantly keep telling myself and reminding others how

much I am sacrificing myself for the organization?


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If you answered Yes to:

0-1 questions you are in pretty good shape.

0-2 questions You are moving toward becoming a victim.

5-10 questions you are a hard-core victim.


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Fringe BenefitsWhy would anyone want to remain a victim? There must be

some fringe benefits payoffs for doing so. Blaming othersallows a person to temporarily rid themselves of feelings of

guilt and the need to take personal responsibility for theiractions. Instead, they can spend their energiescomplaining and looking for pity or sympathy from others.

Some people choose to remain the poor mistreated one

because they have a need to be mistreated. Themistreatment validates and gives credibility to the way theyfeel about themselves and what they think they deserve.They are masters at playing the victim role.


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Refusing to be a victim Some people have been victimized and justifiably feel anger and

resentment. However, when they stay stuck in the past, relivingold hurts, constantly dredging up every imagined injustice in the

past, they seriously punish themselves. They spend their time andenergy reliving the past instead of taking steps to liberatethemselves from present situations that are harmful to them.

When people focus on what others have done to them, they fail to

look at the part they themselves may have played in the situation.They are constantly pointing the finger and waiting for others tochange or do what is needful. By focusing on the other person,they abdicate their responsibility to achieve what they couldachieve and become the person they could be.


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Such people continue to allow themselves to

feel victimized. Some has wisely said thatthere are no victims, only willing volunteers.

We empower ourselves when we realize we

have options and we can exercise them. Wefeel powerless when we allow ourselves to beimmobilized by resentment, anger and fear.

It is important that you refuse tosee yourself as a victim.


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GETTING OUT OF THE VICTIM ROLEThere are times you have to stand up for

yourself and for your rights in a mature way.

Some people have worked with poor bossesso long that they do not even know they

have certain basic human rights. Out of fear

they allow others to walk over them. Theylet themselves be mistreated and then getback at others in subtle, underhanded,

manipulative, very destructive ways.


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To get out of the victim role you must

realize that:You have the right to be what youwant to be and do what you want todo.

You are fully responsibility for whatyou are and what you do.


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Fact: I am angry

ResponsibleBlames Others or Situations Assumes Responsibility

Blamer

Reactions

Attitude

Results

I am responsible for beingangry (Owns responsibility and asks

himself: Why am I angry? Does anger

help me achieve my purpose?)

He made me angry

(shift and abdicatesresponsibility

No learning

No Change

No Growth

Static

REACTIVE MODE

(VICTIM)

Learning

ChangeGrowth

Dynamic

PROACTIVE MODE

(VICTOR)


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Many people experience a lifetime of unhappiness because

they cannot decide what it is they actually want in life. Oftenthey are able to write a long list of what they dont want tohappen but cant think they really want to happen. Basicallythey find it impossible to say what they want because they do

not believe they can change their circumstances.

When you believe in yourself and ask, What do I want tohappen? you open all sorts of new possibilities.


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Ask Yourself Two Questions

WHAT DO I REALLY

WANT TO HAPPEN?

HOW DO I MAKE ITHAPPEN?


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We all make excuses sometimes when things dont go the way

they should. We all do some blaming. As someone has said,There arent enough St. Christophers around to carry theburden of the world on their shoulders.

Weve all come across some people who make things happen

and others who seem unable to initiate anything.Why is it one individual can create a new direction forhimself while another flounders and feels like a victim ofcircumstances? What is the difference?

The difference lies in their ability to take responsibility fortheir lives and futures to make up their minds what theywant to be or do, what they want to make happen, and thentake necessary action.


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What Do I Really Want To Happen?Write down the answers that

come to your mind. Be asspecific as you can. The

effectiveness of your actions istotally dependent on the clarityof your answers.


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And How Do I Make It Happen Its a good idea to use the brainstorming technique here.

Write down whatever comes to mind even if it appearsoutlandish or irrelevant. Allow yourself to express freely

everything that comes to mind without evaluating or judgingits validity. New and creative ideas often emerge in this way.


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PRESENT STATEWhat is the situation now?

What have you learned from thepresent situation?


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Desired StateWhat do you really want?

In what ways would it alter or improve your presentsituation?

How would you know you had it (evidence/indicators)?

What stops you?

What resources would you need to achieve it?

What strategies or approaches could you use?


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Your success and achievement in life starts and end withyou. Under God, only you are personally responsible forhow your life turns out to be. Decide how you want it.Define it clearly. Go for it. You achieve it, or you dont.

Other people may try to take responsibility for you or try tocontrol your life. But in the final analysis, they can onlyinfluence how your life progresses. They cannot control it

only you can


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Personal responsibility and self-control are the hallmarks ofgreat achievers. Without these, one sees oneself as a victim

of the world and is unable to accomplish any more than theworld is willing to give.

Personal responsibility means: If its to be, its up to me. itmeans accepting the fact that you are human and that youwill make mistakes, but when you make them you will learnfrom them. You look for creative problem-solving strategiesrather than looking for someone or something to blame.


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TAKING PERSONAL

RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFEREQUIRES SUPREME COURAGE

AND CAN BE DEMANDING ANDPAINFUL AT ANY AGE. BUT THEPAYOFF IS TREMENDOUS

FREEDOM AND EFFECTIVELIVING.

Life on the Edge the Power of Taking Personal Responsibility

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