Junior and Senior Workshop

How to Write a Successful College Admissions

Essay

Mandy RolisonMabank High School

What the Colleges want…

• Colleges want you to show them why they should accept you. Your essay, along with your other application elements, should accomplish that task.

Judging Essays on Levels

• At the lowest level, your words are read to see how well you write.

• At the second level, the admissions committee will consider the content of your response.

• At the final and most important level, the reader is hoping to see something original and creative.

General Tips

• Plan Ahead —Choose the colleges you’re interested in and do your research. By reviewing the requirements for colleges of your choice, you can minimize the number of essays you’ll write for admissions, scholarships, etc.

• Take Your Time —Spend plenty of time writing and revising your essays. Ask for feedback from people you trust.

• Quality Matters —Your goal: to share important things about you while skillfully expressing yourself in writing.

• Successful admissions essays have – Correct grammar– Clear organization– Vivid details that support/illuminate the subject– Unique style

Starting the Essay: Step 1

• Brainstorm• This is not the TAKS test! You need to take a few

days to a week to brainstorm well for this essay.• You might be able to choose your own topic, or you

might have specific topics to which you must write. • Choosing an essay topic and/or subject to write

about is extremely important. Choose something you are passionate about—something of interest to you.

• Think and make a list of your accomplishments, of tough/happy times in your life, of your relationships, etc. This will help you see what is important to you and may help guide your brainstorming efforts.

Step 1: Continued

• Consider these brainstorming questions:– What are you like?

• Strongest personality trait? Does any attribute, quality, or skill distinguish you from others?

• How would your friends characterize you?• Consider your fave books, movies, art, lyrics.

Have these had any influence on your life?• Have you experienced a moment of

epiphany…a moment you suddenly realized the essence or meaning of something?

Step 1: Continued

• What have you done?– Accomplishments?– What have you done outside of the classroom

that demonstrates your character qualities?– Have you struggled for something and

succeeded? Failed? What did you learn from the experience? How did you respond?

– What has been the most difficult time in your life? Why? How did your perspective on life change as a result?

Step 1: Continued

• Where do you want to go?– Of everything in the world, what would you

most like to be doing right now? Where would you like to be and with whom?

– What are your dreams of the future? – When you look back on your life in 30 yrs, what

would it take for you to consider your life a success?

– How do these particular universities fit into your future plans? Why do you want to spend 2-6 yrs of your life there?

Do I have to do all this?

• You’re now wondering…what have I gotten myself into?

• Preparation is the key to success!

•“If you fail to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”

Step 2: Selecting an Essay Topic

• Required Prompts– Some colleges will not let you choose any topic you

want. They will either give you a specific prompt, or they may give you a choice between 1-5 prompts.

– For example, TAMU and UT Freshmen applicants will complete Essays A & B of the Texas Common Application (online).

– The TCA has other essay prompts, but most freshmen will write those essays only if they are specifically required by the university.

Step 2: Selecting an Essay Topic

• Your Choice Topic– If you have the opportunity to write about anything

you want, you will have a difficult time choosing just the right prompt.

– Consider the following:• The essay should showcase what qualities you have as a

person and student—the various elements of your personality.

• Make sure your topic is not too broad or too specific.• Avoid writing about grades and test scores in your essay.• Remember you are writing a persuasive essay—one that

needs to capture the reader’s attention, not offend the reader—and present a clear picture of you.

Texas Common Application: Essays A & B

• Describe a significant setback, challenge or opportunity in your life and the impact it has had on you.

• Many students expand their view of the world during their time in college. Such growth often results from encounters between students who have lived different cultural, economic, or academic experiences. With your future growth in mind, describe a potential classmate that you believe you could learn from either within or outside a formal classroom environment.

Step 3: Writing the Essay

• Answer the question• Start with a creative lead• Use detail and concrete experiences• Be concise• Pay attention to transition & sentence variety• Use active voice verbs• Conclude effectively• Give your draft to others• Revise, revise, revise

Start with a Creative LeadThe 1st two lines of your essay MUST engage the reader. If these lines are boring, your essay will likely be skimmed and tossed in the No Admittance pile.

• A: I volunteer as a Big Brother to a little boy. He lost his parents in a car accident a few months ago. From this experience, I hope to help him cope with his loss and open up his personality by spending time with him after school on certain days.

• B: While the other children played outside, eleven-year old Danny’s sad eyes focused on the white wall in front of him. He sat alone in silence—a silence that had imprisoned him since his mother and father died in a tragic accident.

• Which beginning is better? Why?

Use Detail & Concrete Experiences

• Tell me…I forget.• Show me…I remember.• Involve me…I understand. Chinese

Proverb

• A: I developed a new compassion for the disabled.

• B: The next time that Mrs. Cooper asked me to help her across the street, I smiled and immediately took her arm.

• Which sentence is engaging? Why?

Be Concise• Do not exceed word limits.• Make sure you omit irrelevant details, clichés, and under-developed

ideas.• Avoid repetition and extra words (those that you don’t need to make

a point.)

• A: After Mike left, his loss hit me like a ton of bricks, out of which, when I was finally able to crawl, I had to come to terms with the difficult fact that best friends may come along only once in a lifetime, and it was unlikely I would find another friend like him since lightening doesn’t strike twice.

• B: When Mike left, I lost the best friend I ever had, and I lost him forever.

• What is the problem with sentence A?

Pay Attention to Transition & Sentence Variety

• The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths mixed within any given paragraph.

• Transitions are not limited to words like however, furthermore, therefore…in fact, these transitions are overused.

• Good transition flows from the natural thought progression of your argument.

• A: I started playing piano when I was eight. I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I began to love music.

• B: I started playing the piano at the age of eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces, my appreciation for music deepened.

• What is the difference between these sentences?

Use Active Voice Verbs

• Passive voice is the use of verb-phrases in which the subject receives the action expressed by the verb instead of performing the action.

• Passive voice employs a form of the verb “to be” such as is, am, are, was or were.

• Overuse of passive voice makes a paper flat and uninteresting.– Passive Voice: The ball was thrown to Cooper.

– Active Voice: James threw the ball to Cooper.

– PV: The young basketball star is tall.

– AV: The young basketball star towers over the other players.

– A: The lessons that prepared me for college were taught to me by my mother.

– B: My mother taught me lessons that will prepare me for college.

Conclude Effectively

• The conclusion is your last chance to persuade or impress upon the admissions officers your qualifications.

• Avoid summary; do NOT use common phrases like in conclusion, finally, in summary…

• Consider the following for writing your conclusion:– Expand upon the broader implications of your discussion.– Link your conclusion to your intro to establish a sense of balance– Redefine a term used in previous body paragraph.– End with a famous quote that is relevant to your argument. (Don’t

force this…only do it if it comes naturally. It is overdone.)

– Frame your discussion within a larger context to show that your topic has widespread appeal.

Give Your Draft to Others

• PROOFREAD!• Proofreading needs to be done by other people, not just

yourself. • Inform the proofreader of your purpose and goal of the

essay; as they are reading it, they can be looking for the following:– Has she answered the question?– Does the intro engage the reader? Conclusion provide closure?– Is the sentence structure varied; is active voice present?– Cut the clichés.– What parts are unclear or need more development?– Is the essay written in a SHOW ME/INVOLVE ME not a tell me

manner?

REVISE

• Revision is up to you.

• Help from friends, parents, & teachers can improve weak areas in the essay.

• But it boils down to your committing the time and energy it will take to make your essay memorable—your main goal.

Top Ten Don’t’s 1. Don't include information that doesn't support your thesis. 2. Don't start your essay with "I was born in...," or "My

parents came from..." 3. Don't write an autobiography, itinerary, or résumé in

prose. 4. Don't try to be a clown (but gentle humor is OK). 5. Don't be afraid to start over if the essay just isn't working

or doesn't answer the essay question. 6. Don't try to impress your reader with your vocabulary;

don’t thesaurasize, don’t use clichés.7. Don't rely exclusively on your computer to check your

spelling. 8. Don't provide a collection of generic statements and

platitudes. 9. Don't give mealy-mouthed, weak excuses for your GPA or

SAT scores.10. Don't make things up.

Dear College,My name is

Let’s Review 1. Choose your topic, brainstorm, do your pre-writing.2. Start your essay with an attention-grabbing lead--an

anecdote, quote, or engaging description of a scene, reference to a novel…

3. Unite your essay and give it direction with a theme or thesis—make sure you answer the question.

4. Use concrete examples from your life experience to support your thesis and distinguish yourself from other applicants—it’s details that make an essay great.

5. Be concise.6. Use different sentence beginnings/types of sentences.7. Use strong verbs & adjectives.8. End your essay with a conclusion that refers back to the

lead and relates to your thesis -- but never restates it. 9. Revise your essay at least three times; ask someone

else to critique your essay. 10. Write clearly, succinctly.

Let’s tie it all together…• Emphasize what you have learned, e.g. provide more than a

narration when recounting an experience.

• Write about something you know, something only you could write.

• Make certain you understand the question or the topic. Your essay should answer the question or speak directly to the given topic.

• Sort through ideas and prioritize. You cannot tell them everything; be selective.

• Choose information and ideas which are not reflected in other parts of your application. This is your chance to supplement your application with information you want them to know.

• Be persuasive in showing the reader you are deserving of admission. Remember your audience.

Most Common Essay Topics

There are hundreds of possible topics that you can be asked to write an essay on, but most will fall into the category of “personal narrative.” The more practice you have writing this type of essay, the more prepared you will be to write the college application essay.

• What events, activities or achievements have contributed to your own self-development?

• Describe a situation in which you had significant responsibility and what you learned from it.

• Describe your strengths and weaknesses in two areas: setting and achieving goals, and working with other people.

Most Common Essay Topics

• Your career aspirations and factors leading you to apply to this course at this time. Describe a challenge to which you have successfully responded. What did you learn about yourself as you responded to this challenge? Describe a challenge you anticipate facing in any aspect of college life. On the basis of what you learned from your earlier response, how do you expect to deal with this challenge?

• Describe and evaluate one experience that significantly influenced your academic interests. Be sure to explain how this experience led to your setting the goals you now have for yourself, and why you think the academic program for which you are applying will help you to reach those goals.

• Describe your educational, personal or career goals.

Most Common Essay Topics

• Role Model - If you could meet/be/have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and why?

• Past Experience - Describe an event that has had a great impact on you and why?

• What was your most important activity/course in high school and why?

• Forecast important issues in the next decade, century - nationally, globally.

• Why do you want to study at this university? • Tell us something about yourself, your most

important activities? • How would your room, computer or car describe

you?

Letters of Recommendation

• Whom To Ask• Teachers: Think about which teachers might

respond most positively and who might write the best letter. If you know what you'll study in college, ask teachers in related subjects.

• Additional References: Some schools allow supplemental references from coaches, employers, club advisors, supervisors of your volunteer service, etc. Others schools discourage them. If a school states that a reference is "optional," consider it a requirement and send one.

• When To AskA month before the first deadline is not too early to ask a teacher; a week is too late.

Letters of Recommendation

• When To Ask• Find a quiet time when the teacher can talk one-

on-one and consider your request thoughtfully. Don't walk in with forms in hand, assuming he will say yes. Ask first.

• Once You've AskedHave all information from your personal data sheet, forms, stamped envelopes, etc. organized in a folder

• AfterwardsDon’t forget to send a thank-you card. The teacher just gave you something of value and demonstrating your appreciation is appropriate.

Top 5 Clues that you should NOT ask THIS teacher for a Letter of

Recommendation

5. The teacher knows your parents’ names and email addresses by heart.

4. You left an indelible drool mark on your desk.

3. The teacher affectionately refers to you as “Twiddle Dumb.”

2. The deadline for the recommendation was yesterday.

1. You were in PAS during the teacher’s class much of the school year.

Resources• Black Issues in Higher Education 20.14, 28 August 2003. Student

Resource Center-Gold. Thomson Gale.• Essay Edge. http://www.essayedge.com• National Association of College Admissions Counseling. http://www.nacacnet.org• Texas A & M University.

http://admissions.tamu.edu/freshmen/Hints.aspx• The Next Level: What Colleges Expect from Your Writing

A publication of the Association of Texas Colleges and Universities• Texas Common Application. www.applytexas.org• University of Texas at Austin.

http://bealonghorn.utexas.edu/freshmen/admission/essays/index.html

• Warnock, Kathleen. “Writing the College Application Essay”. Literary Cavalcade. V 49.1. September 1996.