What's red and smells like blue paint?Red paint!

Why do seagulls live by the sea?Because if they lived by the sea, they'd be beagles!

Why do cows wear bells?Because their horns don't work!

Why did the man driving the train get struck by lightning?Well, he was a good conductor!

What do vegetarian zombies say?Graaaaains!

What's brown and sounds like a bell?Duuuung!

What do you call a sheep on a trampoline?A woolly-jumper!

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?A penguin rolling down a hill!

What's black and white and laughing?The penguin that pushed him down!

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?A soccer ball rolling down a hill!

How many Dragonball-Z characters does it take to change a light bulb?Just one, but its going to take about six episodes!

Why did the tomato blush?Because he saw the salad dressing!

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?A baboom!

A man falls out of a tree, followed by a monkey, why?Monkey see, monkey do!

What do a bear and a hare have in common?A bear's all covered in hair!

What does a geeky tooth-fairy love?Bluetooth!

Why did the boy throw a hand grenade into the party goers?Because it was a blast!

Why did the piece of gum cross the road?Because he was stuck to the bottom of a shoe!

Why did the boy wear sneakers?So he could sneak up on his sister!

Knock-knock.Come in!

How does Luke Skywalker get through the jungle?He walks!

Why did Vader know what Luke would get for Christmas?"I sensed your presents!"

Why does everyone hate Vader?Because he was such an Invader!

What do you get when you cross a Jabba the Hutt with a whore?Slooba the Slut!

Why did a Stormtrooper wear a tie into battle?He thought it was a TIE-Fighter!

What do Nazi grenades have to do with food?The Potato Masher!

What do grenades have to do with fruits?Pineapple!

Which electronic device is the best driver?A thumb-drive!

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?“Are you my mommy?”

Knock-knock.Who’s there?

Nobody.Nobody who?

...

Why was the skeleton sad?He had no-body to be with!

Why are skeletons afraid of dogs?Because dogs love bones!

What did one wall say to the other?“Let’s go meet up in the corner.”

What did one spider on a thread say to another?"How's it haggin' ?"

What house can't you live in?A housefly!

Where do you put an injured ant?In an ant-bulance!

Where do sick horses go?

To the horse-pital!

What do you get when you cross a horse with a vegetable?Horseradish!

What do you get when you cross a horse with an insect?Horsefly!

What do you get when you cross a turtle with a bird?Turtledove!

What do you get when you cross a magician with a bird?Merlin!

What do you get when you cross a fish with his worst nightmare?Catfish!

Who owns the cheese factory?The Big Cheese!

Why did the old lady have two kittens in her hands?She thought they were mittens!

Why did the coach give his players a lighter?Because they kept losing their matches!

Why did the potato watch TV all day?Because he wanted to become a couch potato!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?Fsh!

What’s yellow and smells like urine?Durians!

A fat man orders a BigMac and a Diet Coke, what did he say to the cashier?“Well, I am on a diet!”

What does MATHS stand for?Mentally Affected Teachers Harassing Students!

What does DHL stand for?Deliver Halfway Lost!

What does WTF stand for?Wipe Thy Feet!

What does SMS stand for?Stupid Messaging System!

What does CPU stand for?Crap Processing Unit!

Why did Old-Man-Joe throw his clock out the window?He wanted to see time fly!

What does a sad ghost say?Boo-hoo!

Why do ghosts make bad liers?Because you can see right through them!

How do you make a butterfly?You flick it out of the tub!

Why did the soldier have a tiny gun?It was a mini-gun!

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?Snowballs!

What did one snowman say to the other?Smells like carrots today!

What goes "ha, ha, ha, bonk!"?Guy laughing his head off.